Kill James Bond! - S4E40: Fast X

Episode Date: May 29, 2026

Fast 10 your seatbelts girls, we're at the beginning of the end (end of the end expected Q1 2028) ----- FREE PALESTINE - With the ceasefire in full effect, the media has returned to ignoring the daily atrocities in Gaza. My friend Ahmed still needs to feed his family and afford medicine. Anything you can kick in would be hugely appreciated. https://chuffed.org/project/150817-please-help-ahmed-and-his-family-get-food-drink-and-medicine And these are some more general links you can support collective efforts with! -The Palestinian Communist Youth Union is doing a food and water effort, and is part of the official communist party of Palestine https://www.gofundme.com/f/to-preserve-whats-left-of-humanity-global-solidarity -Water is Life, a water distribution project in North Gaza affiliated with an Indigenous American organization and the Freedom Flotilla https://www.waterislifegaza.org/ -Vegetable Distribution Fund, which secured and delivers fresh veg, affiliated with Freedom Flotilla also https://www.instagram.com/linking/fundraiser?fundraiser_id=1102739514947848 ----- WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ ----- Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com , as well as on our Bluesky and X.com the everything app accountAS

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorn and Devon. Powerbonger, my friends. We've reached the pinnacle. And you know what? The joy at getting to the end of the Fast series has been somewhat tainted by the fact

that they are clearly trying to do at least two more movies. It ends on a cliffhanger. I don't feel like I've reached the end of anything. It's like a threat. We're going to have to do a little bit. for the next one. This is not the finish linelessness. No. It's very much hitting the scene in Ice Cold

and Dead Name where they roll the ambulance to the top of the like sand dune and they finally think they've triumphed over it and then it just slides right the fuck back down. But yes, are we excited to talk about Fast 10?

Oh! This one was so bad. It really... It was a real insult. It left on a... spiteful notes, you know, the final insult was, this is, I would say, by some margin, the worst one yet. It absolutely is. I don't know about the worst.

There's some points for that I'm like, okay, like somebody turned up to work. I can find some positive things to say about it, but I'm struggling. I didn't enjoy it. I've got a couple of positive things, almost all of which involve Lettie. There are many images that appear in sequence. Some of them include cars, which I generally. really approve of. Yeah.

Because... Women are people. They keep adding women. They're not quite characters, but they keep putting them in. Just more, more of them, yeah. Just more. But so, I mean, also, I think if we can part the veil a little bit, I'm having sort of a rough time at the moment due to every day it gets more illegal to be transgender in my beautiful country of the United Kingdom. Please, the Labour Party.

Yeah, for a start. And so every day, it seems, I sort of like open my big sort of comedy newspaper and it's got a big photo of me and a headline that says, kill this sick bitch now. And I sort of close my newspaper again and go, excellent. I have to go to work really putting all my productive, creative efforts into changing the world by talking about the structural misogyny of Fast 10. So please fast 10 your seat belts because... That has made it all worth it. They should have used that as the fucking tagline. Probably.

Probably. Fast 10. But here's the thing. We're immediately playing with the chronology because we're back in Brazil. Which seems like a thousand million years ago, but it was actually fast five. I'd rather that you hadn't told you. told me that because I had lost track of the chronology so badly that I thought this was Fast 3. No, this is Fast 5.

The reason why I thought it was Fast 4 was because I was fast forwarding through all these fucking scenes. Yes! Oh shit! God damn! I'm on a role today. She did show up for work today. The misogyny actually makes me stronger. Yeah.

Not because they play half of Fast 5 again. Yeah, yeah. We see the big action sequence. They do. with the chase through Brazil and the big safe, we get some archive footage of Paul Walker, bracket, paedophile. We do.

As they destroy Brazil. Whoever the guy from, I don't remember the actor, but he's Hernan Reyes, the bad guy. We open with him doing a little, like, You Are My Son speech. And the camera is twisting as it comes in towards him, so you know that you're about to see some like, cool shit. Yeah, they call it a Brazilian angle.

And what he's about to do is to repcon into Fast 5 Jason Mamoa his son in whom he is well pleased Jason Mamawa And so as they're doing the action sequence from Fast 5 the whole time Jason Mamoa was there and nobody noticed

even though he's not an unobtrusive man physically Especially not in this film No certainly not in this film You know by personality But he's like cut into We cut reactions shots of him into the big action sequence of Fast 5.

There's also a really dramatic gear change shot of him and his car taking part of the chase and then we see the outside of it. It's a Volkswagen Tuarek. They don't give him a cool villain car yet. In this, he's just in a Volkswagen, which is really funny. Yeah. Yeah, they have to put him into a car that was in the scene. They're like, yeah, he was driving that one.

If you watch it back, he's in that one, right? The car with the mini gun that came out of the roof, you know, fantastic display of the Toire his sunroof capabilities, he was driving that. And so his villain origin story is that incidentally, in the sort of climax of Fast 5, he and his Volkswagen Tourag got whipped off the side of a bridge into the water by the big safe, by Dom Tarrasso. The cool big safe thing. By Dominic Toreto, yeah.

Yes, you'll pay. And his dad, as we remember, is murdered in cold blood by the rock, who is not, we do not see any footage of the rock at this. No. And so Jason Mama is like slammed into the water where he becomes Aquaman, I guess. Well, he slammed into like the opening titles of Skyfall, basically. Yeah. He has a Skyfall type like dream sequence in there and becomes the Joker, I guess. One thing this movie is sort of it pains to establish is multiple times is that being thrown into a big body of water just kind of resets you, which must be exhausting if you're like a diver or something. Yeah, I scuba dive a lot.

It's like I said, when you're going fast enough, the water, it acts like a kind of like a beautiful cushion. And you can just hit it at any speed. Yeah, yeah. But for your memories and for time as well. Your personality, yeah. And then it hard resets you. I see, I see. Okay.

So then we cut to present day, L.A., where the iconic BDS Dodge Charger is doing donuts. I have now seen this car in real life because listeners out here. in Los Angeles, California, where everything is great and fine, there is an automotive museum called the Peterson, the Jordan Peterson Museum, and they actually have an exhibit on at the moment celebrating 25 years of the Fast and Furious where you can go and see all of the cars. And they even let me into the vault to see all the cars that are normally put on display. So I have now seen all the cars in the Fast and Furious fans.

I've seen this Dodge Charger in real life. I mean, one thing I will say is don't try the cafe at the job. Jordan Peterson Museum. It's a lot of like raw meat. A lot of lobster too. Very expensive. Yeah. But so this is the iconic BDS Dodge Charger. My favorite thing about this establishing shot of Los Angeles is that the soundtrack has now reached levels of laziness that I wrote down the lyric, take me back to the city this I call my city. Yeah. We're back to a very, I would call this Hackney, but actually they do it in Fast and Furious One, that the music is just saying what is happening on screen at this point.

We're now completely at just like say what you see soundtrack. It's sort of like, you know how like every engagement farming clip of a movie on Twitter now has an AI narrator layered over it? God, that's really, you know, obtrusive way. It's a lot like that. But it's not Dom who's driving it. No. It isn't.

No. It is his son, Cars Gohan. It's his son, Cars Gohan, little B, who is going to be in this movie for the whole of it. It's crazy. that they call him Little B every time they do. That's kind of funny. But he's learning how to drive at probably too young and age to be able to reach the pedals. And he's starting with doing donuts in a parking lot first, which is cool.

And Dom is giving him life lessons. Like feel the car is about like... Use the car force. Yeah. Yeah. Family. Integrity. Find a line.

Feel the car. Honesty. Fear is the best teacher, he says. And then the kid goes, oh, but daddy, you don't afraid of anything. He goes, I do, I do. He's like, doesn't afraid of anything indeed. But so Dom gets called back to the Pollock your house. And it's so lazy that at this point, listen, you can tell when a stand-up comedian is washed when they start doing Tinder bits.

Oh my God. This is crazy. They work in some Tinder bits. Yeah. But also like Dom's grandma is here. Yeah, Rita Moreno. That Rita Moreno. Oh, okay.

From musicals. Is it? This is another one of those moments. I gather that this character was shot in a way that I'm like, I'm supposed to know who this is. You're supposed to be like, what? You could get her. I will say, and this is my first hint that this movie was not entirely soulless. Her costume is fucking fire.

She's got like a cut out white blouse. She's got change. She's got a big heart-shaped belt buckle. She's got that shit on. Yeah. She is wearing what I would consider to be a live show outfit. Yeah, it's very, very cool. I like it.

I would wear that 100% in the Ethical Society. She leads them in saying, Grace, Roman again, tries to like sneak some food earlier. This is, we're painting by numbers here. It's so just establishing. Everyone says one thing to each other to establish what their relationship is with each other. They just hit them all hard at the start. Kind of paint by numbers, yeah. It's horrific.

Dom goes and talks a hundred. Khan in the garage about how kids are always on their damn phones instead of drinking a corona. Yes. That is essentially the thrust of that conversation. And then Dom reminisces some more looking at his various like objects. And between this and the Fast Five stuff, this is very nearly a clip show at this point. It is. Yeah.

Yeah. They're looking over like a board that's just got production stills from the previous movies on. Yeah, it was like screenshots of it. I'm like, who took that photo of you and Brian in the climax of the first movie? Like, you was, what? Who took that photo? What's going on?

Yeah. You were alone in that scene. Every time Dom is on screen, he's like followed by this kind of low sentimental music. Yeah. His kind of reminiscing music. The light motif starts entering in. Do do, do, do, do, do. You're like, oh, right.

When the light motif for this scene is revealed to be, it's been a long time without you, my friend by Wiz Khalifa, brackets the downtempo version. I thought very hard about my life and my career choices. We also, we get some plot stuff, so the B team have been hired by the CIA to go and steal a quantum computer chip in Rome. Cool, that's what that's what the B team we're going to go off and do. Dom doesn't want to do it. They're letting Roman lead it. Roman is once again because he's like insecure about himself. He's like, Like, let me lead this one.

Cool. And I can, like, prove myself on it. Han, by the way, he's grown his hair back out again now. Uh-huh. Yeah, it looks like iconic Han, but you'll remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. You're an old man. You're like in your 40s, brother.

It's wild how old everyone is, yes. He's in his 40s and he's thrown his hair out, and he's back on Tinder. It's like, that's actually, this is the whole movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that night, Dom and Lettie cuddle, and Dom says it's, it's kind of hard now. He's got something to lose. he's got a wife and a son now. So it's hard being old because you get anxious.

And it's like, yeah, yeah, I guess it is. It's so, so funny that he's in bed in his boot cut jeans and his muscle tea. That's very precious to me. He's like a Lego man. He won't, like, the clothes are just part of him. He can't be any more nude than that. His costumes suck in this movie. Like, they won't let him do anything different with his costumes, but some of the costumes are great.

Ramsie's costume in the dinner scene is not good. Her hair is better now, though, but her costume is no good. Lettie is not pregnant, but they're trying. That's canon because Don kisses her on the stomach and goes, is it here yet? And she goes, no, not yet. I'm not going to be pregnant in this movie. Michelle Rodriguez looks into the camera and goes, you will not succeed in making my character pregnant.

I'm not playing that. I refuse to get written out of this. I think one of my more sort of, I think one of the more enjoyable parts of this movie is Michelle Rodriguez's long LGBT insurgency against the series from within. I actually love Michelle Rodriguez. Everything she does in this film is so lesbian and it's so against the script, the direction, like the other actors sometimes.

I can't remember when she came out publicly, but I believe it was around, like before this movie at least. Yeah, it's got to be an hour about. If this was a glass closet, they would have to invent a more transparent material than glass to describe it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very, very. It's great. I'm living for her scenes. So she's, she's like getting, she's like willing her way through the comp hat. When?

Yeah, she weather's a mum from the kid as well. She doesn't, like, smile. No, yeah, yeah. She, like, takes it and, like, she's moving. She reacts. And then, I just decided. Lil B is going to be describing this in therapy about 15 years hence. Yeah. No, no, no, no, your mum is dead.

Here. So you're talking to someone else? Do you see your mum here? If you're so, you need to see a fucking doctor. I'm not your fucking mother. They do the last movie again, because there's a noise outside. And Brian has to go and hide in the Saddam Hussein hole again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's, okay, so it's Cypha. But she's in a fucking Dolorean with the going doors and everything. I guess. Just to be called. Just to be cool. It's Charlie Sterron. She's here to deliver the call to adventure. She's wounded.

And Dom has to restrain himself from killing her. They wounded her so badly. She got a normal haircut. I'm gonna say haircut no longer fuck ass. I know. I know. It's so disappointing. I want it worse.

She's like, hey, obviously, if I'm coming to you for help, there must be somebody out there who's really fucked up. And I'll tell you who it is. It's the protein joker. It's the protein joker. It's the protein joker. It's handsome Jack Sparrow. She's like, I met the author of All Your Pain, which is surprising because I thought that it was me.

Well, yeah, it turns out there's like, there's actually been a ghost writer of all Dom's Pain this whole time. Yeah, yeah. And that's Jason Mamoa. Yeah. I think he's just now deciding he's going to get into writing Dom's Pain. Oh, he's like, he's like writing the kind of sequel novelizations of Dom's Pain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah.

He's the Brandon Sanderson of writing my pain, right? Because I died and this fuck is just. Yeah, he is the Brandon Sanderson. I hate him. Yes. Death to this man. Yeah. Mormons can't write fantasy.

His character and this is deeply annoying. But this is the first time. So we get a little scene where Jason Momoa breaks into Charlie's Thruns hacking compound. This is the first of his like fits that we see in this movie. Once again, like he's got that shit on. It's like a, it's like a dinner jacket, but it's got like unbuttoned cuffs and it's completely like undone to the waist. Totally unbuttoned.

So he's like bare chest. It's fucking cunt. I actually looked up the costume designer who's in this. It was a lady called Sanya Milkevick Hayes. Incredible fucking work, especially on his costumes, which I will continue to narrate to the list of increasing fucking detail. I would wear them. Because they are fire.

No offence to this lady, or the costume department more generally, but we are having to pan quite deeply for things to compliment here, I think. Oh, yeah. He started dressing fruidier after his dad died. That's one thing that they've done, because he was wearing like a suit in the earlier scenes and he was like really like pulling his chin in and looking down to.

Now he's kind of doing the Captain Jack Sparrow moving his arms around the place, shit. Because he's the Joker. Yeah, he's dressed in a kind of velour pirate outfit. And as... It's probably not great that in a movie that is about action and cars were like, yeah, fuck that.

The costume department nailed it. It's like, if we're complimenting that, what does it tell you? But so Seifers' goons are holding him at gunpoint. And he says, well, there's an ancient Brazilian saying, never accepts death when suffering will do. His dad says it to him in a start. He says, never accept death when suffering is owed,

which is straight to the camera. Don't kill him. Author his pain. Author his pain. And so he's like, I'm here to author. I'm here to do like a book signing event for Dominic Tarreto's pain. And because I'm kind of gay Blofeld, I have experienced. expertly blackmailed all of your goons before I walked in the room.

Yeah, I did the Dom move that you did to Dom on you to all of your guys. Yeah, I did Moriati from Sherlock. And now all of their phones are going off to be like, hey, your relative or whatever has been kidnapped. There is a kind of funny payoff to this where he kills one guy because he's like, yeah, that guy had like nothing. He didn't have like a cat. That's pretty good. But he does it with knives. Joker style, because he's the Joker, the Heath Ledger Joker.

I need to say this, I think. Jason Momoa is not gay enough to play as gay as they want him to for this role. And... I will have some things to say about the homophobia of this later. It's extremely homophobic, and it's going to get more so. Yeah. And kind of transphobic, too. Very much, yes.

Not a fan of it. He's like, I need you to find Dominic Tarasso and Seifer hits. and with an actual cipher will remember this, like from the Telltale Games. They fight. It's very boring. Charlie's Theron gets to do some fighting. Nice to see. She's a good action performer.

Not with him, though. He leaves immediately and she just fights her goons. He just flounces. Yeah. He leaves homophobic. It's an okay fight scene, you know? Like, again, they're making a lot of money. They're paying whoever comes up with the fight scenes enough money to have a fucking brain in his head.

I like it when women get to do action rules. Very cool. performers all do a great job too. Yeah, they do. Everyone's bringing their own game to this movie. Everyone's trying. Just wish that it was good. This is the definition of like doing your best with the material that you'll give.

So we then flash forward to Seifer on Dom's couch where she's like, I need to hype up this guy some more. This guy, he's like, he's gay Blofeld. He's like gay Joker. He's going to fuck your shit up entirely. Yeah. You're not prepared for a gay guy to be the author of all. your pain. Yeah.

Yeah. You said it in the chat. He's handsome Jack. He's Captain Jack Sparrow. He's a little bit Tyler Durden. It's just like, this guy is just playing villain. They've just shaken the big villain back up and they've been like, faggot. He's a villain.

The specific genre of like effeminacy that you want to cultivate in a villain where you're not fully doing like a homophobic stereotype, but you're keeping all of the aspects of it and being like, yeah, with this guy's epic, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which also is kind of a Bond rip-off because when they did this with Silver, with Daniel Craig Bond, but it's like, oh, he's gay and that's like part of how sinister he is. And it's like... Exactly.

And also a sign that he's like mentally unbalanced and crazy, and it's like, fuck you, actually. They hit that. They hit that note for notes. They literally do, yeah. It's a big bond rip-off too. Yeah. Cyphal-Let slip, the thing in Rome is a trap, Laid by Jason Mamoa and then we go to Rome.

Yeah. Also, Mr. Nobody Jr., he's back. Cool. Yeah. Don't get attached. We go to Rome. I had to check if that was actually the same guy and... I did too, because he's grown a beard, so it was, I didn't recognize him first, but...

Remember how the last movie Ramsey couldn't drive? And that was kind of a fun reveal. Yeah. She's like one of the best drivers in the world now. Yeah, she's learned how to now. Yeah. Yeah. She's been practicing, I guess.

She took a test. Sort out. She does have a sick leather jacket, too. That is true. I also have a costume department shout out. The tracking shots that they do here. Like, there's some really nice train shots, some really nice drone shots. Mm-hmm.

They're genuinely quite impressive. Yeah. Like, technically competent. Wasted on this. They do this trick. They kind of over-rely on a trick of blending together shots with CGI, so you'll, like, start in a car. Really bad. Yeah.

And it does get a bit hokey after a while. but we get like a good chase scene as they try and heist the truck. Diabolic approves of this because they gas, they gas Italian guards. First appearance of gas in the movie. Early appearance from Friend of the show, Gas. Yeah. Which will be... When they just pipe a gas in?

Gas, yeah. Gas has like a few roles in this movie, which I appreciate it. It does. It does. Gas heavy movie. Ramsey earns herself a technical Cronstein by attacking the driver of a truck that she jumps onto. So well done that. Oh, okay. I actually was going to say, I didn't think there were any.

any Cronsteins in this, but there is one, I guess. Yeah, Ramsey. Yeah. No, Constance. So they break into the truck carrying New Feudership and the truck, sensing that these Carmen are not its rightful master, locks them in and drives itself. And it turns out it's being remotely piloted by Jason Mamoa,

who is wearing an absolutely fucking sick custom Philip Pline, Python skin jacket. Unbelievably, cunt. Like, one of a kind designer piece. Oh my God, so nice. Nicest thing in this action movie. I cannot stress enough how much he's doing Gay Heath Ledger Joker.

He really is, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, yeah, yeah. Like, you can put it together completely from just hearing about it. Yeah. Oh, there's just so much to talk about here. Ramsey's fit, he's now fire.

Tej's fit is now awful. He's wearing a Lederman jacket. If you're in your 40s and wearing a leatherman jacket, you cannot be telling me harder that you peaked, right? Yes. Like, it's over for you. Yes. Remember high school?

No, I don't. No. And in the back of this truck is the sea mine from Hot Fuzz. Yeah, they refer to it as a neutron mine. And also the big bomb from Dark Night Rises because we're ripping off the Dark Night Rises. Big bomb from Dark Night Rises. Yeah, it is. It is, isn't it?

Fuck, you're so right. It's just, God damn it. It is. It's just the Dark Night Rises. Yeah. With the bomb in the back. Awesome. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. And he's going to hit. the Vatican. He's going to blow up the Vatican with it. Yeah. We've got to stop him. But look, the A team are here. Dom and Letty and little nobody don't get attached. They try and stop it. And we have an action sequence that I would say last approximately a thousand years. This is so long. The dialogue as well, when there is dialogue, it's very referential. There's a lot of the like telling you the thing that

you just saw is awesome. Yes. Yes. Like at one point, at one point, Jason Mummore calls Dom Captain America, and I feel something about this franchise referencing the Avengers again. Yeah, they did it right after Age of Ultron, like earlier on. It's just like, don't talk about Avengers. It's clear how jealous you are. Sort of starting to become like kind of a closed loop of slop. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's an AI if it's eaten AI.

Also, in the Fast and Furious Universe, who played Black Adam? Because that... There's a real resemblance. That's somewhat, yeah. It doesn't really like, damn, you look really like the guy. You look really like, wait, meet with my sister, Salon. They try and get back on the truck, and so Jason MoMA flips the truck remotely. Yes.

Using a trick that he learned from the Croatians in the Yugoslav Wars tries to roll the sea mine down a hill until it hits something important. I've also watched that footage. Dom has to play Rocket League in order to save Rome, basically. They do literally fucking play Rocket League through the streets of Rome. There is a point where the bomb,

which is just a metal bomb, just a big metal fucking sphere, rolls over something that is on fire, and it then becomes like on fire for the rest of the scene. Unclear what is burning. Yeah. But it now gets the status effect on fire.

Yeah. It ruins over a petrol pump. Yes, a petrol pump. And Dom, protects the Tritorio by like knocking down a pulse over the like roof falls in to protect it. So you're like, oh, Dom Torado. He's so good. He's a hero. Second point, the sad Italian cop cars, they have a very Zoidberg aspect to them. Yeah. Yeah. Really good. Really, really, really good. Jason Momoa puts a bomb on Little Nobody's Truck. He bails out before it blows up, but he doesn't

appear in the rest of the movie. So I'm just like, did he just die? He's the only guy who actually takes fall damage. He's the one who hits the ground. He's going to get a big heroic reveal of the next movie and everyone's going to be like, who the fuck is that guy? You bet you fucking is, right? So at this point, I'm just noticing

that a Fast and Furious movie is when big metal shape moves through city smashing cars. And the reason why I note that is because it showed me this scene already in Fast 5 at the start of this movie not 20 minutes ago.

If only they'd kept the magnet, from the previous movie, this would have been solved instantly. Or the grappling hook cable things from the movie before that, or the remote control cars from the movie before that. And this movie that Dom uses later, yeah. Remember the carpoon from the second one? Or the RPG from the movie before that, any of these things. Also, I know one other thing, which is, Fast Five,

now that this movie's reminded me of it, did something really funny, where it was like, okay, all of these cops chasing you are the corrupt cops, so it's okay for you to destroy their cars. In this one, not only do they not do that, but the Italian cops aren't inimical to them in any way, and they still crush all of their cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck the Italian cops, I guess. The Italian cops do, however, prove their competence by catching a...

arresting Letty. Uh-huh. Well, all I say, folks, is write that down in our grand scheme. Italians, not white in this movie. No, I guess not. No, you can kill them. The Italian cops can be killing. It's not fucking Monte Quinto.

This is like the Italian police. Rome. Italian carabiniere lives do not matter, I guess, to Fast and Pierce. Not today. I do also note that it's very strange to me that, like, as part of authoring Dom's pain, right? Yes. Step one of Jason Momoa's Brazilian revenge is to blow up the Vatican, which it's not really clear.

I guess Dom is Catholic, I guess. He's using that cross-neck. All he knows is the cross-neckless. He's like, he's got to be Christian or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think this was a plan. We see him just being like, what shall I blow up? I've got a big bomb.

I have a fucking Vatican. Why not? Like, it's like, okay. Yeah, it's like arbitrary. I don't see how you can direct this bomb. in any meaningful way. Yeah. So Dom plays pinball using a big crane as a flipper.

Don does something amazing with the car. And he manages to knock the bomb into the river where the explosion is smaller because it's underwater, but it's still like really, really big and Rome is wrecked. Although we see on the news that nobody died and I'm like, I don't believe that. I don't believe that. Isn't this a neutron mind?

Did you just, new drone? This is breaking windows like several blocks away. I think people are definitely dead. This is actually what was going on during that scene. in conclave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Conclave happening in the Fast and Furious Timeline really puts a spin on that movie.

The explosion outdoors was just Jason Momoa. Yeah. That's so good. Oh, let us be a church with room for drift. God, the drift pope. Okay. Are we ready for a drifting coat? The family are all branded terrorists.

Jason Memo just hacking stuff. And it's like, this is like the fifth time. These same people have been put on like the most wanted terrorism list. You'd think the people making that list at some point would be like, wait, can we make a decision? Once and for all? I've been thinking about this geopolitically, right? As to who has had the most versions of this happen in real life of being like, you are public enemy number one, two, you're a chill, back to your Republic enemy number one.

And I think it was Gaddafi, rode that way of form the longest. I was going to say Gaddafi historically, but Jolani has the possibility to break that record. He's only gone down once and then back up once, right? Rudy Chilani, the New York mayor? The Syrian president, the new Syrian guy. Oh, that's Giuliani.

No, no, and it's not him yet anymore. It's a different guy now. The president of Syria becoming... I think it's a Muslim now. It's crazy. I'm a shout out. Being, being like public enemy number one again would be a fascinating development. That would be really funny. And it's still distinctly possible. I happen to know that the current FBI's most wanted is the crypto queen who like scammed a bunch of people on like a fake crypto scam called One Coin and spent it all on designer yachts and then disappeared.

And I allegedly got plastic surgery to change her face so that she looked different. And I'm like, that rocks. congratulations. Shout out to her. That's a perfect crime, actually. In and out. And it's crypto. You're only stealing money from morons. So the family are all being hunted, right? And they've got to go to the CIA.

We go to the stupidest fucking room I've ever seen in my life. They go to Cerebro. We go to Green Screen, is what we go to. We go to the volume. We go to the envelope where it's Alan Rixon from Richard. Oh, it's Richard. It's another big guy. I'm going to be calling him Ritchie.

the whole time. I didn't know those guys, we cut to up, Discount the Rock. He's a really big guy. He is Discount the Rock in this. Yeah. And Brie Larson is here also. Yay!

She's Mr. Nobody's daughter. They have a terrible scene together. Yeah, awful scene. It's rotating, it's constantly breaking the 180 rule. Like four or five times. It's crazy. Yeah. They're just like screams.

He recaps the previous films. She is Mr. Nobody's daughter. It's crazy how it's a place. clip show again, because he's, he's trying to do the thing. So it's come to this. We as the CIA have to do our favorite activity, putting one of our front groups loose and declaring them terrorists. Yeah.

But for real though, it's crazy how they did all of that stuff. Like they stole a nuclear submarine. You remember that? That was weird that they did that. The submarine. He also says that they keep corrupting cops. He says they have a knack for identifying cops who can be turned corrupt just by giving them a barbecue and a beer.

And my notes say worst corruption kink roleplay ever. And he finishes this little monologue by saying, well, this shit isn't going to work on me because, like, I'm not corrupt. And I hate barbecues. And here's the thing. It took us like five movies for the CIA to turn evil. And it's one guy in the CIA. And the only thing we know about him is that he's, I guess, vegetarian. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like he's so nothing. He doesn't, it's a shame because Alan Ritchin can like actually act. Yeah, you can give him something to do, but he has nothing to do here. He also gets a line in this, which is just clearly something that they wanted the rock to say, but they didn't have him. Which is, he goes, you know I'd make a freight train take a dirt road. What does that mean, dog? Woman or whatever.

I'm just like, that is a fucking, that is a goddamn Luke Hobbs line. Yeah. Don't fuck with me. It's crazy to have your. one piece of personality you establish about him is that he hates barbecues. Just really putting the like... I hate family.

I think you're right, I think this must have been a role that was written for the Rock, so they didn't need to put in some characterization. And then they had to sort of hastily rewrite it. And they're like, oh, fuck, we've got to give this guy like a personality. He hates barbecues.

Was he doing something? Didn't we still had beef with Tyrese Gibson? He literally did still have beef with Tyrese Gibson. That's why... Fantastic. Based on the post-creddict scene. I guess they must have overcome that, but all right. I'm not sure that that's true.

Maybe they just won't be in any shared scenes in Fast Brother. I think that's the idea. I think because what they were going to do is they were going to do a sequel to Hobbs and Shore, so they fully diverge. So the Hobbs timeline doesn't have Tyrese Gibson in it. And then the main timeline doesn't have the rock in it. And so this was meant to launch two movies, neither of which is out yet. But so, yeah, I know.

Ouch. Well, anyway, test. test nobody, she's on the family's side, but the CIA is gonna hunt them down and kill them now. Yeah, exactly. Lettie is in a black site. Oh yeah, yeah, Lesi is in a black site.

Helen Mirren turns up in Rome and tells Donne. Helen Mirren's in Rome for some fucking reason about what are you doing here in full caps? Yeah. Like, Dom is apparently just still in Rome, like just standing out in the open, watching things, not changed his clothes. Mr. Nobody himself is still

missing because they never rescued him in the last film. He's in a fucking Monte Quinto prison tied up like Rambo getting a taste of his own fucking medicine, I guess. He's in Monta Quinson's Scorpion Prison. Yeah, he's getting his dick and balls stoned by Scorpy. He's in the Pussy Mine Palace. He's in the Monte Quentin Pussy Mind Palace.

Oh my God. It's not even a real pussy mine palace. No, no, it's not real. It's controlled by the military. Cut fucking doubt. Listen, this doesn't make no sense to you. By the way, go and listen to our episode on Die Another Day if you want to understand the Pussy Man Palace.

Yeah, then go and listen to Lily Allen's Pussy Palace if you want to understand the Dojo, Jo. Yeah, and then go and listen to our episode on Mamma Mia 2. Yeah. Helen Mirren's cockney accent, by the way, is just phasing in and out through this scene. I don't want to be mean or nothing, but she goes, The family have gone to ground. They're in a safe house.

Oh, I'm going up the apples of pears. And it's like, listen. Just shut up Yeah, it's very much like Zach from Auntie Donna doing some character work Just like, oh shit, I forgot to do the accent Come on, girl

My next note just says Dom is more car Jesus than he's ever been Dom is unimaginably card. Okay, yeah, I believe he is trying to sacrifice himself for the fam-beliefly Yeah, the fan-beliefly

and Dom goes solo for a while Okay, cool. Yeah, he does, he hangs at solo for a while. Next. We cut back to L.A. the rest of her Tourettoes. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Mia and Little Brian are playing video games. And she's like, I am your aunt. My husband, Paul Walker, is definitely alive off-screen. He's taking care of your cousin, my daughter. It's getting harder and harder to explain, but that's fine. And then, friend of the show, Gas, making a second appearance. Yeah. I love that she's a good act to play multiple roles.

I think that's really a great chance to show Versa Tillers. And these are CIA agents. These are like... These are like... These are like... Agents of the American state break in. Yeah. Mia gets to fight them.

She gets to some fighting, which is cool. Yeah, we pay off a joke from the last one where she's like better at identifying a frying pan this time. Smart. From the gag in the last one, she hit the guy with the ladle. Yeah. Then we get simultaneous Touretto combat as our second Touretto. Yeah, John Cena's back in the movie.

John Sina, in this movie, he gets put on babysitting Judy, and he's great at it. Yeah. He's so good at this. He is really good acting, really good stuff. This is a different character. This guy has just, he's downloaded a completely different personality since the last movie. It is just playing. He's ostensibly the same guy, but just like totally different entirely.

Yeah. He's completely on board now. He's part of the family. He became good now because of the barbecue. And so... And it was revealed that he hadn't done anything, so he just, like, returned to innocence. He's fine again now. He also wasn't at the barbecue at the end of the last one.

He wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't at the one at the start of this one. No. He's just... I don't know. Did he also fall into a body of water and get a completely different personality? But it was, like, a nice body of water.

John Cena is present, let's be charitable. John Cena is present. But he is killing these CIA agents. Yeah, he does kill a lot of American agents. Again, again, we are still. Like, these guys, they aren't like, interesting. They aren't corrupt. They're just misinformed.

Like, it's just the one guy, Alan Richen, who's like, like, evil, right? Yeah. So, like, these are America's brave and proud troops getting wiped the fuck out by the Teresso family belief for no reason. Like, like, knife to the neck, like gunshot in the face. Like, he, like, shotgun in the side of the head. Like, yeah, like, it's all bloodless because it's still like, you know, not family friendly, but, you know, you probably want it to be like a 50-year.

But he definitely kills a lot of fucking cops. Oh yeah. And then we go to Brie Larson, who has essentially like the sort of mandatory she has to fight in one scene scene. Yeah, it's really, it's strange that they do this, but it's the most next location. She goes to like a bar in Italy. She's got like a leather jacket on that has like LiveLap Love or whatever on the back. And she kicks the shit out of some guys and then meet me. She's the unnecessary violence.

She, like, threatens the people in this bar with a shotgun. These, like, Tufts menace her. She's like, I'm looking for Dominic Torado. And then these, like, gut. And then she, like, beats them all up. And I'm like, okay, we didn't need. These guys are just Italian civilians. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. Okay. Okay. And provoke. And it's, actually. She meets Dom. She's like, you know, I've got God's eye. That tells you where anyone is on the world.

Yes, I remember God's eye. I've just got to just carry around. I got it. Jason Momora is Reyes' son. which means he'll be in Rio and Lettie's in CIA prison. Cool. And she's like, Lettie can't be gotten to.

No one knows where she is. She's like in a total black side. I can't get her out of there. And Dom goes, yes, you can. Yeah. Take my amulet of immortality. The blessed amulet of protection. Yes.

Yeah. Take this and it'll get you in there easily. And you know what it does. After a sort of brief interstitial scene with some comic relief with John Sina where he's driving like a. Yeah. A shit car. A mid-90s Ford Mustang, which is better than...

Okay, yeah, in the previous scene, the kid is coming out of the house and he sees like a 20-23 label Dodge Ram or something. It's one of these lifted yank tank monstrosities. He runs over to it, like, whoa! And then the reveal of it, they're actually driving a mid-90s Ford Mustang. It's supposed to be like, Medick. Yeah. But the problem is, that's a better car in every conceivable way.

It's just a better car. It's like, fuck actually is. He listens to Marky Mark and the funky bunch. Yeah. Oh, is that? That's the joke. Oh. He's a different guy.

There's a really nice bit here where John Suna just sells the ever-living fuck out of like sort of bemusement at himself listening to Marky Mark and going, you can't help what you like, which is quite fun. Again, he's good. He's listening to it on tape and he's trying to explain to the kid why the Ford Mustang is like still cool. I'm like, you know what, he's a great guy. It's not Jacob Torado. It's a different guy completely.

But I like who he's playing. Meanwhile, they have put Lettie in the firebreak from control. I wrote that. Yes. Yes. They put Lettie in the Black Rock Quarry from Control. I don't know why they've done that. There's something really funny which happens here, which is that Tess walks in,

and I take very detailed notes on Ava, and I'm like, gorgeous belted coat, absolutely like, hunt high heels with spikes on the toes, fucking beautiful, and then Letty comments on how good her outfit is. And I'm like, yes! Yes! It's so funny, he's like, damn, like, you're looking good. I'm like, hell yeah, Michelle Rodriguez. Michelle Rodriguez. increasingly not giving a fuck about not appearing lesbian in these movies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love to see it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She's my favorite member of the cast. She rules. She's the only thing.

She's like, I'm hanging on to this franchise for the fits and Michelle Rodriguez. But so, they do, they're like, oh, we'll do like a prisoner trick where I'll test pretends to be taken hostage and then gets stabbed. Yeah, like, she injures herself. Letty. Yeah, it's not clear yet why they do this, but whatever, yeah, whatever. Whatever, she shows, and crucially, she shows Ledy the Blessed Amulet to be like, look, I'm on site.

Yeah, Eddie quite correctly goes, you could have just confiscated that, and there's at least two flown around, so like, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Meanwhile in Rio, we have the return of another villain who we are not happy to see. Yes, we do. The meat market shots are back. Welcome.

Feminism lasted one movie only. Yeah, that's a real shame. It's not the worst they've ever been, but it's pretty bad. It's a shame to see those returning. 2019 to 2023. Very brief reprieve. And I mean, the thing is, right, I don't, I feel like we didn't express this necessarily as we, you know, in as much detail as we might have done last time when we were just like,

it's good that there's no meat market. That's true. I'm not against meat market in the sort of absolute, not least to put, you know, in Brazil, the most getting your ass out country on the face of the earth. I salute that immensely. Absolutely. You need to have men hanging dung. You need to have that.

Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. 2020's, the year, the decade of hanging dong in Sudan. You're just arbitrarily excluding half the population

of the most getting your ass out country on earth. I know there's some incredible, like, incredibly hot men in Brazil. So what's going on? If you show us both, If you're trying to tell us, like, Rio is a very sexually charged place, like, it's very lively. You can have, like, very sexy men with their abs out, muscles.

Like, if you showed us, like, both at the same time, I wouldn't be so upset about it, because it tells a very different story than just showing me a bunch of pieces of women, which is using bits of women as set dressing. And that just tells a very different kind of message. It's so much, it's so much worse as well to do that with a gay villain or a gay-coded villain. Yeah. And it's just, it's so, so strange. But so, Dom, as we know, has been to Brazil before in Fast 5.

And when he was there, he inspired the entire nation of Brazil to do street racing. And so now he has, like, people there, right? Can't forget his famous ones. It's the same guy from Fast 5. Yeah, whose car he won off screen in Fast 5? Yeah. Yeah. Diogo, welcome back.

Yeah. Welcome back to Yogo. Don't get attached. The thing is that Dom, last time he was in Brazil, he had, you know, he had a sort of like love affair with a Brazilian woman who is now dead, and so now he needs a replacement Brazilian woman.

Let me get me a Brazilian woman. So we meet Isabel. Isabel rolls up. She's a street racer. She looks a little bit like Elena. We'll get to that. She's a lady's sister, whatever. She's a later sister.

Everyone is someone's sister or daughter. but like no one is just a woman. Bambley. It's like the fucking Skywalkers. Fambly. Blood. It's a Danielle on here, by the way. Cool.

Yeah, fine. Pretty good in Suicide Squad as Ratcatcher. The other person here is Jason Mamoa in a lilac Cadillac. Octagonal sunglasses on a huge chain. Massive tooth necklace, pink, scrunchy, lilac silk shirt, purple suit trousers, lilac nail polish, purple chain on the trousers. Fucking conch is so good. Looks really good.

Looks like Devon. I would wear this. It is a very Devon outfit. Oh my God. He introduces himself with the line Dante, his name, enchanté, and Jason Momoa is so visibly heterosexual in delivering this. Yeah. That it feels like, you know what it feels like, it feels like a guest judge on drag race who is homophobic, but is there on the orders of their agent. That's such a specific vibe.

It really is. It really is. It really is. It's the icon indulge. this subculture for, oh, an hour, I think. Yeah. Maybe. And then I'm gonna take like a really hot shower. There's a bit where he like sexually menaces Isabel, and it's like, I think that you included that to beat the allegation that this guy is meant to be gay.

And it's like, you can still have an explicitly straight, but queer coded villain. Yeah. Unless this we remind you, there are zero canonically gay characters in this franchise. Like, this is your queer rep. It's like predatory bisexuality, which is kind of even worse, I think. It will get worse, too. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Remember, they had one gay character and they killed him in the first one. It's over. They did. But they're like, we can settle this. Instead of having a gunfight, we can settle it like Honorable Carmen with an illegal street race. Remember those? Vin Diesel, he does taunt the fuck out of this guy. You know how in the dark night, the Joker is like, he-he-hoo, Batman, what if I put you in the fucking trolley problem?

And there were two boats rigged to explode, and one of them was full of innocent people and one of them was full of criminals. What will you do, Batman? Yeah. So we do that, except it's cars. It's literally that, but it's like Diogo or Isabel. Who's he going to save Dom Torreto? Diego gets blow the fuck up. So he just, yeah, it just does.

Basically, just straightforwardly picks one. It's exploded. This is the first appearance of something they do a lot in this movie, which is that they'll, all the cars will be lined up and the camera will go like almost on a, on a wire shot through the car's interior, like out the window into the next one, out of that one, into the next one. And it's like, it's all in the line. It looks very, very slick.

But I know that the way you do that is you just, the cars are stationary and you see GI in a moving background. And it's not as, it looks very slick, but it's not as impressive as action. just filming a race, which is much technically harder to do. It is very easy, comparatively, to put four cars on a fucking, like, green screen soundstage and run a wire through their windows and, like, run a camera along that wire. That's fucking easy to do, but actually filming a race and making it dramatic is harder. And I'm just, I'm disappointed, and it gets worse later, too.

Just do a car stunt. Like, if you show me a computer simulation of a car doing something cool, I'm not going to respond to it anywhere near the... same way as seeing a car do something cool. Yeah, because I'm not a child. That's on the computer. I know that's not fucking real. Yeah, that's not real.

You can put a fan and some smoking to make it look like it's moving, but I know it's not moving. Dom saves Isabel. He saves Isabel. He basically straightforwardly just chooses Isabelle. Yeah, yeah. Fuck you, Diogo, I guess. Yeah. They keep doing this thing where everyone is talking in their cars and they're like

not outright saying that everyone can hear each other, but they're pretending like they might be able to. Because just they're saying things and people are responding and there's a level of like deniability, but it's like, no one can hear what Dante is saying in this scene. Yeah. Yeah. He's just in his car talking to himself. Dante wins the street race with the simple expedient of car bombs. Yeah. It's crazy no one's source of before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I live my life one car bomb at a time. Dom goes back to Elena's apartment

with Isabel and goes, oh, hey, you're her sister. And kind of. suggest that cops have like posthumous hero magic powers. Yeah. Because your sister's helping us through the car force. She's become one with the car force. She's still here helping people. Yeah. Okay.

She's not though. She's dead. She is dead. Very much. She was shot in their head. You were there. Also, Isabelle's like, let me give you all my files on Jason Mamoa in a later scene. Oh yeah.

She gives him what will be his next location. Then we cut back to Dante who is painting his nails and sort of like, you know, chilling with two dead goons whom he has like duct tape upright. Yeah. He's painting their nails too. Yeah. He's the nerds about how doing nail polish hones down the masculinity a little bit. Isn't that interesting? I would say that that's interesting.

even. This is male manipulative tactics. This is transphobic because the joke here is that you have an AMAB character and that it's like crazy for him to dress or act in ways that are commonly

perceived as feminine. It's like, that is queerphobic. Fuck you for saying that actually. That attitude really harms people. When we get the files from Isabel, one of the things that she mentions is, oh yeah, he had like, sociopathic tendencies, and then you knocked him off a bridge or whatever, which basically

makes explicit the idea that he's gay because he has brain damage. Well, queer because he has trauma, which is a justification that people use for fucking conversion therapy, including right now in the UK. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It is very disappointing to see this. Like, and my notes just say, fuck you, movie. And also, they don't even have the courage of their convictions because not once do they put Jason Momoma in a dress.

And I'm like, if you really want to fucking do it, put him in a fucking dress. Put him in a dress. I have a question. If being in a car crash makes you gay or let's say that if it changes your sexuality, how has Dom Teretto not been through like five or six of them at this point? Like, he's been car jesus every movie. you'd think that would have spun the roulette wheel at least a couple of times.

Do you want to know the other thing? He's asexual. It's just come up asexual every time. No, he's just asexual and it's just like gay asexual. Straight asexual. Straight asexual. Yeah. Nothing is changing.

Australia, America. A process has occurred, but nothing. Okay. That explains why he's so like hot and cold with Lessie as well. Yeah, exactly. He's in like kind of a prestige situation where like some days he's gay asexual. The distance he's traveled is huge but the displacement is zero

Yeah, no, they just went one spot That's what it means to live your life one quarter mile at a time, maybe just back and forth across the same quarter mile We go back to the super friends Yeah Who are fucking, they're out of money because they're all Osama bin Laden now

Yeah, they're in London Tejaro and Ramsey are Osama bin London They've just figured out that they've gotten like burned by the CIA and we get a real 10 IQ mercenary moment from Roman where he goes, why would they do this? We've done so much for them. Yeah, pal.

That's why they would turn their back on you. Yeah, man. Operation Cyclone is happening to you. It's crazy. Yeah, but so Roman has come prepared, and he saves them because he has money that he's wearing in like a kind of full-body tourist's anti-pick-pocketing. Yeah, they're like covered in stacks of cash.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Upon seeing all of these stacks of cash, his kind of only real friend, Tej's response, is to be homophobic about it and go, please tell me you're not wearing spanks, you know, the like shapewear. Yeah. Which is, why is this one so much more homophobic? You can wear spanks if you want. It's so crazy. You did.

It just gets very homophobic. Anyway, so they're in London. They're all still wearing the same outfits despite like being on the run because I guess, whatever. They're wearing the same faces too, so whatever. Cool. They go to a black market weapons dealer? They go to a black market weapons place. I want to highlight, no, no, hold on.

I want to highlight a line before we get the fucking reveal of this piece of shit. Ramsey is looking at her computer and she says the sentence, the coding is next level. I've never seen anything like it. We'll need more computing power. I also had decrypt the blockchain written down. Your faces are all over the dark web written down. Like the techno bubble in this is so token.

When we say everything's computer, we don't just mean like visually. Psychologically everything's computer as well now. They go to this weapons dealer, who is Pete Davidson? Who is Pete, motherfucker, Davidson. He's in this movie. He looks directly at the... Oh, wow. That's... You know what? Maintain this. I don't know who that is

I'm not being here. You're allowed to not know. He's not exactly Rita Moreno. Roman Tegh end up in a fight. I mean, who is? Right. Truly. Who is Rita Moreno?

I'm asking that, you know. There's a baffling thing. I want to be in America. Where the others let them fight to establish camaraderie, right? And then after the fight, Roman, like, threatens Pete Davidson because he's not given them what they want. He has betrayed them to the cops. And he just gets like a handful of dust that he's gotten from nowhere and throws it at...

Dale Grimmel pocket sand? What is this? What is this doing? First he throws it at like a light fixture and lets it like sort of float down. And then he picks up some more, I guess, and throws it at Pete Davidson, who says that he is. And this is a quote, like a ghetto magician. Unclear. You can't say that.

No. But like, it's unclear where he got the sand, what the sand is for. It doesn't do anything. Was the explanation for this cut? Like what happened? Yeah. Also, there's a bit where Han eats a muffin and it turns out it's like a magic mushroom's muffin

and he hallucinates briefly and you might be thinking like, oh, are they going to set up like they have to do a car chase and Han is like goofy because he's high and is it going to be like a comedy moment? No. It's so crazy. It's like almost funny because

there's like muffins in a thing there and Han goes, are these free? And Pete Davidson is like, yeah, but they'll like fuck you up. They're like edibles. And Han, as a snacking guy, just like starts casually eating them. And that's kind of funny. But then they just don't do anything with it.

No. Just let it sit there. They should have a, so that in the next action scene with Han is high. Like, that's, I'm sorry, why didn't you cut that? But the entire point of the scene is just to get them to London. And then they have to go like, oh, Han goes, I know someone. Yeah. We'll go meet him now.

We'll need somewhere to hide. Yeah. Nemo, Lettie wakes up in the lesbian surgery dimension. Yes. Yeah, the CIA surgery robot lasers her cut close. And I'm like, do the American taxpayers know that they are funding? Like, super robot laser surgery on, like, CIA detainees? They do.

The guys in Gitmo are fucking jealous of this. I want super lesbian CIA detainee surgery. Yeah. I guess, to be fair, it's better than the last time Lettie's character had non-consensual surgery, when she got force-femned by Sigourney Weaver. Looking over, she finds Seifer in the next bed being like, who do you think gave you the tits? That's exactly, but again, exactly what I wrote down.

We gotta stop doing podcasts again. But Seifer hacks the, like, surgical bed. And this is the thing I always worry about is I was worried about getting surgery and accidentally pressing the gas-the-entire surgical team button because in a third appearance, for friend of the show, gas. She gases all the doctors.

I rerouted anesthetic gas into the air conditioning system. Cool. Why is that a thing you can do? Moving out. Why are they using anesthetic gas and not an inject? Whatever. Yeah. And Seifers like, listen, I needed two people for this plan to work and they walk up exactly one flight of stairs

and pull a lever at the same time. And Seifers like, that's it, I'm done. It's like a fucking video game door. She needed a companion. to press two buttons. I just needed two people for this now. Shout out to Army of two. Yeah.

Yeah. Shout out. I mean, the other thing is, Lesi is, again, extremely lesbian throughout this. Yeah. So good. That follows this. Yeah. This is the only female gays thing in the whole movie, but the female gaze is dyke.

And I say that as a compliment. This is a good fight. I like the scene. Really cool. Cypher activates the robosur surgeon, and it starts firing its life. lasers, it's given out fucking laser robot pussies left right and center. It's doing that thing that like

Blue Blood Langna does in New York where you get a robotic assisted pussy pull through. It's fucking crazy. All the surgery team wake up with just incredible fucking perfect 10 out of 10 snatch. Oh my god. Yeah, I've rerouted anesthetic and gender reassigning gas

and conditioning system. Gender reassigning gas. Google, remember to take your anti-gender reassigning gas. pills so that you're not affected. Back in Brazil, Reacher has arrived. Yeah, okay, back in Brazil, yeah. Reacher has arrived on the scene.

This is also when Jason Mamoa gets explained by Isabel to Dom. Right. By the way, she also explains his race. She starts with, she starts with he was born in Portugal, his mother was from the Pacific Islands. Stop explaining that. Stop explaining people's race. It's getting self-gotching. It's there is one nation on earth that you could have told me.

This guy's Brazilian. I'm not questioning the exact fucking ethnic, like, positionality there. Yeah, straight the fuck up. If you're like, that guy's Brazilian. It's like, okay, 100%. He could look Uyghur. I'd be like, yeah, he's Brazilian. It's not a medieval jousting contest.

I don't need to see a list of all your ancestors for the last hundred years. Just whatever. He's from Brazil, all right. Get all of my life. the psychopathic tendencies, and so you need to go back, Dom, to your iconic, abandoned police station from Fast 5.

It's been abandoned ever since they tore out that load-bearing vault, I guess. So much as left, they were like, yeah, bad vibes in that. We all remember the time we got on vault next. 50,000 volts used to live here, now it's an abandoned police station. 50,000 volts.

Yeah, I'll get you. Yeah, I guess that. Well, I guess it's the Amperage that really does it. Reacher has to, like, fight some guys. Which has a fight scene. This is the most not taking place in Brazil fight I've ever seen in my life.

Like, none of these fuckers are in Brazil. It's quite crazy when he started going abroad for USC. Also, why is this scene here? It's just, why have this here? He just beats up some street thugs and I'm like, why? Yeah, I thought God was going to, like, save him from them and that's how they would start, like, famobilizing him.

But no, he just has a fight. The movie's like two and a half hours long, And I'm like, there's so much stuff in it. You could just be like, oh, two minutes there, two minutes there, whatever. There's something work. Like, after this, this fight, I mean, this is something that is characteristic of movies made in the 2020s. There are two guys in the sort of semi-middle distance who have clearly just been, like, put in with a computer. Like, the set isn't real.

Everything past them is green screen, so it's not real. They aren't there. And they're kind of just, like, like, just sort of swaying, not moving very much because that would make it harder to put them in. like just far enough away that your principal actor isn't going to interact with them it's a very characteristic way of being in movies

that only occurs nowadays because of the way we make them doing it, you're just doing it on a computer that guy's not here they just put an extra guy in they just pulled you down from like a drop down in After Effects and put you up for digital man

sucks it just sucks we keep cutting back and forth between the A plot the B plot the C plot so we go back to the C plot John C John Cena. And Lil B are on the plane.

The fucking John Sina's only notable thing here before he has to go and beat up some goons as he's like, I felt bad about killing my dad. I felt so bad that I hated cars for a bit. Heck, I took the bus as like... Again, wrote that down too. Wow, again, 2023 being like buses are for poor people. Yeah. Buses are really...

Which is something I agree, but I mean it in like a positive way. Like buses are proletary. Buses are for everyone. Yeah. But so he beats up some goons and then he still hit like a fucking Paul Walker's daughter as a cameo as a flight attendant. Oh, really? Yeah, give some stuff to set up.

I wrote down that she was Bridget Philipson because she's got the fucking labor hair. She does look like Bridgett. She does have the labor haircut. Yeah. To get in the cargo hold where he has like a fucking glider kayak thing. Yeah. Much like Denzel Washington in flight is powered off of three bottles of air. airplane vodka.

Okay. Sure. Yeah. They fly out. One of the suitcases in the hold is the same, the exact same suitcase I have. I'm really glad it doesn't get dropped out over Brazil. Otherwise, I'd have been very upset. It would have been a very difficult conversation to have with British Airways.

I was like, that's my fucking underwear. John Cena, you bastard. Give me that back. We go back to London again. Back to London again. Because they're going to see Frank Transportor. We're just ticking motherfuckers off. This is just like making the end credits scene from the previous movie into an entire scene.

Frank Transport is just there. Yeah. You see, he meets fun. Gas is here. They have a fight and then the guy from the like Hobbs and Shore or whatever is still in the punch bag. And he just hits the kind of audition guy in the sack thing and just runs out of the... There's two things. Two things about this.

One, keeping a guy in a punch bag is a deeply horny act, right? Yes. Oh, yeah. Two, when this is established, when he does hit the audition and runs for the exit, Frank Transporter is fully in the mode of you have just had some kink stuff disclosed to your normie friends. And the whole rest of the scene. Yeah.

He refuses to explain. He doesn't really engage with any questioning on it. He just sort of like, stairs dead ahead. Don't worry about that. They got your ass, brother. He's also barely, we may as well tie Frank Transporter up, like, right now, because he's barely in the movie. He gives the B-team like all the, all the kit that they need.

And then they're like, they get a news alert that's just like, Jason Momoa's going after Helen Mirren. And he's like, oh, shit, that's my fucking mum. I'm going to leave the movie now. Bye. That's my mom. I better go deal with it. I guess I can't leave this to my brother or my sister who,

may or may not be returning in the next movie. TVD. The thing is the line that when they see the Helen Mirren thing, they just say, they're going after everyone who's helped us before, which is such a great, we're getting everyone together, whatever. We're just kind of getting everyone

who is still willing to be in a Fast and Furious movie to come back. We'll learn later. It's more people than you would think. But okay, cool. It's not Luke Evans though. I'll say that for, no, no. Owen Shaw is out of here.

He's busy. Back in Brazil. Yes, Dom goes to the old haunted police station. And we do a fucking bit from Bond because Jason Mamoa has done what Christoph Waltz did inspector and he's converted the old cop station building into an amusement park, haunted house slash shrine to Dom. And it's covered in pictures of Dom. You can go home again, Courier 6.

Yeah. Yeah. So crazy. It's just all like screens with just little pictures of them. Clips of the previous movies. Jason Momoa calls him on the phone. It's like, I've been waiting for you, Dom, because actually you, Dom, are the author of all of my pain,

and I'm going to get revenge on. He kind of hits gay jigsaw here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have reached the building with explosives and blowing him up myself, but okay. So Dom's like, you've got, we get some interesting exposition of, like, Dominic Touretto metaphysics here. He says, have no honor, without honor you have no family and without family you have nothing.

It's like fear leads to anger. Which is really funny because he killed his family. Yeah, yeah, you did kill. You have no family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was nothing to do with me. Because I did that. It's not because you have no honor that you have no family.

It's because I decided to rob your father for no reason and then killed him. But fear leads to anger, anger leads to drifting, drifting leads to the dark side, whatever. Dante does a little like, no, you hang up first bit. which Dom has this look of revulsion down the phone that is so homophobic. Yeah. Like, really, really wrinkles his nose up. We go back a few movies. Dom used to be seeing like hops get blow torched in front of him by his adversaries.

He's the guy who did drag in high school. Yeah. So strange to imagine it. So self-hating now. Well, actually it isn't. Yeah. Yeah. odd line from Dom to Dante where he says,

you're so strange to me, because you were born so rich, but you chose the poorest way of living your life. Which is such an interesting like money goodness, like slight of hand there. Yeah,

I guess it's because they've all become like multi-millionaires but being in this franchise and they want to be like, well, you can be very rich if you choose a good way of living your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine.

It's like, positively rich. It's okay. I have like my designer shit. Yeah, yeah. Motherfucker. Sure. Okay, whatever. And then again,

and then we see after he hangs up Dante walks over towards Isabelle's house no one's there It's all just It's horrific It's so bad

Everything's computer Yeah Ames and the CIA burst in an arrest on They don't handcuff him For some reason No No

They put him in the back of a truck Then we go back To the lesbian surgery dimension For one quick hit again Going back for more lesbian surgery Where Lessie having won the fight with Cypher climbs the ladder to the escape thing

and gets, I think, one of the funniest out of context bits of the whole franchise where she just pops out of a hatch and we get a big title that says, Antarctica. Yeah. She's like, shit. Again, the only parts I like are Letty.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This potentially won't continue in the next movie. Give me a, she needs her own movie. That's what we call it. Just Lettie. Just Lettie, the movie. Lettie.

Cast a different actor. Let me be in it. So Ames is like, I hate barbecue and I hate family and America. And Dom says the thing that he said to Hahn earlier, which is, that's the problem nowadays. Nobody listens. And I'm like, oh, that would be an interesting double meaning if you meant like Mr. Nobody was like listening. He's not.

Oh, shit. That would have been good. Doesn't come back. But no, it's actually because he can't hear a missile that's about to hit them. Yeah. Yeah. And then the missile hits them. Same bridge that on which the bridge,

bridged Dominic Touretto. The bridge that was the author of the bridge the pain between your pain and my pain. We just rebuilt this bridge from the last time you destroyed it, Dom Toreto. I've been to go with the mistlet. I've blown it up again, Dominic Toreto. The bridge that crashing off of it makes you gay.

Yes, and now you will be gay. Uh-huh, uh-huh. It's the beach that makes you older, the river that makes you gay. Yeah. That's one I stepped in it twice. Yeah. Dante, like, grabs Isabel and it's like holding her hostage,

and he does the classic kind of sexually predatory, like, rapist signifier of, like, licking the entire side of her face. Yeah. Why? Real, real bad, I think. Yeah. Okay. My opinion.

Really bad. This is another classic nobody is in the same location. Yeah. filming this scene. Like, no one's on that bridge. None of the cars are real. None of the car. None of the people are real.

It's so unfortunate. Yeah. It's a real shame. So Ames, the big CIA boss guy, he becomes a Vegeta and becomes family because he gives Dom a gun. Now, we will discover later on,

spoilers, listeners, that this, the Ames is actually double-crossing. It's a triple cross. Ames is on Jason member of his side. It's a false Vegeta. He does give Dom a loaded weapon, which seems like a dangerous thing.

to do when your boss is standing right there. If I was Jason Mamoa, I'd laugh afterwards. I'd be like, okay, well done generally on the evil plan, but I do have one note, which is that you did give Dominic Jaretta a gun when I was unarmed. Like, please don't do that. Just a little flourish in the sort of big book of Dom's paint. Yeah, yeah. My next slide says magic helicopter powers. They fight.

Oh, because he summons a helicopter. Yeah, okay. He summons a helicopter, yeah. Jason Mamoa has God's eye now. Yeah, yeah, a Dom. Dom survives because his beloved car becomes his riot shield. Yeah, he does. He tears the door off a car and uses it as a Call of Duty riot shield.

Bree Larsen's here in a very cute, like, powder blue suit and sparkly, spiky vans. Love her outfit. I would wear the vans. She gets shot and then Isabelle's like, I will take her and leave the movie, Dom. Because we've got too many characters, Dom. I will now leave the movie so that it's just the main characters so we're going to be at the climax of it, okay? Okay. We got two boys, two girls. It's time

to split off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we speak of the climax of this, there's 40 minutes left of the movie at this point. I know because I check. This is the same thing that happened to like Tess's dad, which is that got shot in the shoulder, was like, I'm not going to be in the rest of the movie, Dom, you go on without me.

Oh, fuck. Is that my check? Is that my check? All right, I'm out of here. See ya. That's a wrap on Brilarsen, everybody. Woo! Fantastic job. Ms. Larson. Thank you. Thank you for being a movie. Option to come back for the next one, but maybe not.

You can be in the next one if we think that's a good idea. You can be in the spin-off series, which is about the CIA agents chasing the family, but you don't have to have you in it. Agents of Shields. With the B-Team. Back with the B-team. Yeah, you're so right. Roman experiences a sort of personal crisis of leadership, right.

Yeah. And Rome, Teg and Ramsey-Han just get like the moments. This is where they put the moments in. Yeah. Yeah. So, Romans, like, I actually don't know if I can be a leader. And it's so funny to force the rock out of a franchise where your role is just to get clowned on constantly.

Yeah. But, like, the sort of payoff of this is Tej's heart grows three sizes that day. And he, like, sees how he's been harming his friend with his sort of, like, banter. And he admits that he actually does respect him as a leader. Yeah. And he does take him seriously. Yeah. They're friends again.

Which is a nice thing to do to prove yourself to your colleague after you went to space. Yeah. It's like you were both in the car. You were in the ISS for like a couple of weeks before you had to come back. Like, this is all count. Were they just doing bits of each other in the space station? Yeah. I guess so.

I guess they were calling each other gay the whole time in space. The movie remembers that Ramsey created God's Eye at this point because she goes, I feel bad I created God's Eye and nothing else. She says it was supposed to help and I'm like, how? Like in what possible way could this have help? The UI looks evil, babe. Like, you made it look evil. It's called something evil even like.

God's eye. Yeah, that's crazy. It's a surveillance device. Like, you are a hacker. You should know that that's an evil power. Whatever. Yeah, no, it's computer. So, so, so the fucking goon.

are closing in on John Sina and Lil B's location. Yes. But luckily John Sina has a project car. John Sina has a killdozer he's been working on. He has been killed-dozing. Yeah, a rocket-powered car. He's got like a... It's got like recoilless rifles each side.

And as they're driving... He gets the kids, Brian. Lil'l Brian... Yeah! ...l Brian... ...to... Little Brian... Like 12 maybe.

Yeah. To just like... shoot a recoiless rifle on, like, trucks full of goons killing them. Like, the trucks explode. Like, he kills them. Brian, Little Brian, like, kills a lot of people. Little Brian has, like, a genuine body count at the end of this movie. Don't make the child.

And he's, like, woo, yeah, high five, buddy. It's like, you just took a fucking life. It's because there's no blood. Like, there's no, like, fucking legs flying after explosions. it's just like they're dead. Just as a little like international humanitarian law moment, right? If I wasn't expecting the sort of the Ottawa Convention to come in on landmines in the last one, I wasn't expecting to have to invoke the optional protocols of the convention on the rights of the child

on the involvement of children in armed conflict in this, in relation to Fast 10. But the Torado family has child soldiers and it's okay to admit that the Torado cartel employs child soldiers. They do, yeah. Yeah, they do. Like, they're non-state actors, but they... All I'm saying is, Little B, is blooded. He's a full... He's a full level. Covered in it. Yeah, it's like, fucking attack on Titan the number of kids this kid has killed.

Uh-huh. Also, Jason Mamoa is here in the crowning achievement of fits for this movie. I'll get to the jacket last, but it's a black top. He's got gorgeous amber waist chains, and it's a bronze crock-skin jacket. It's so fucking cunt. Like such a good outfit. Beautiful. Also, he's got knuckle dusters on, which kind of look like the Alexander McQueen knuckledustas, but I paused and zoomed in and they're not.

Brian, Brian gets kidnapped into Jason Mamo's car, but the thing is he can activate his Torreto familial ability to, like, jump sideways out of a moving car, into a moving car and be unharmed. Yeah, so little Brian is, so Jacob Torretto sends Little Brian backwards on his technical to kill a couple of cars. behind him and Dante drives past and just like lift him off of the back and puts him in the car and that's really the one thing you didn't want to happen if you're Jacob Torado.

Oh, fuck. So he immediately martyrs himself. He does, he does. He becomes car, Jesus. Dom's here now. Dom's here now just in time to see us lose. Yes, so Dom witnesses Jacob volunteering to sacrifice himself for no reason. Yeah. It's just no reason at all. I guess honor because he lost the kid.

He does. He does. Like a rocket jump and then flies into some goons cars and blows them up. And explodes. Yeah. Yeah. He's dead, right? Like, you can't. We haven't seen a body. There's no way he's dead. I know I haven't seen a body. I know I haven't seen a body. He has his big sacrifice. It would be insulting if he wasn't dead. It would be, if you brought him back like five movies later, it would be, but anyway, so... That would be insulted to my intelligence, isn't it? There's also, there's a moment here where we do the camera through the window thing that I described earlier as we go from John Cena's car into Dom's.

And when the camera arrives in Dom's car, I don't have they made a mistake or something, but it's really obvious that the background is stationary. Like, it's really obvious that the car is not moving. And I'm like, oh, you forgot to make the background move, guys. Like, that's, that has been diesel sitting in a parked car on a soundstage. Is that even a real car? Is it even a real car? Or is it like a third of a car that you built to fit on the camera?

Genuinely, I doubt, but it's a real car. When you make the entire movie out of computer, sometimes you forget like one thing. When John Cena explodes, Jason Mamo's line is, looks like Uncle Mussel, his nickname for him, won't be coming to the next barbecue,

which... He wasn't at the last one. Also, I think he is the next barbecue, given that he exploded he is. Anyway, Dom is having to like chase them down. He like does some bullshit with some helicopters. And then, and then one of the family, one of the B team says, Dom, you've got one mile left until whatever negative consequence,

which is fucking ages for him because he can live his entire life four times. That's four lifetimes, yeah. No problem. Yeah. But hey, let me know when I'm a quarter mile away. Brian jumps back into Dom's car using the car force, Dom catches him. And they get to a dam and their way is blocked by a big truck. And for just for half a beautiful second,

I thought it was going to be the iguana guy. I hope so too. I was like, oh, please make it iguana guy. But no, it wasn't. It's not of it characters that we'd like end up coming back. If Dante Reyes can be cooking his revenge for like 10 years, why can't the iguana guy? Punished iguana guy, fast forever, ultimate villain.

After Dante Reyes is shown to have not done anything, The real villain is going to be a guana guy. At this point, Jason Momoa says, okay, everything that's just happened was part of my plan. The two helicopters he blew up, Brian changing cars from your uncle's car to my car to York car, all this was part of my plan to get you onto this dam right now. The prologue to your pain.

Because the B-TM are flying out on a cargo plane and Ames does his double cross and shoots the plane down and crashes off screen. I really hope they're dead. I think that'll be really great, but I know they're not. They obviously aren't, but I hope they are. I do like that in the course of this monologue, both of them do mention how predictable it is

that Dom just kind of befriends everyone, and they're just in defamblely. If you think you just, like, pat me on the back and hand me a cause light, and I'm like, fucking your boy forever. Yeah, no, actually, I've been with Jason Mamma all along. Yeah, the flashback is, he was there at the beginning. in Brazil.

In Brazil. When they took the vault, he was also there, and he also watched them take the vault a couple of seconds later. But even then, they do that in the dumbest possible way, because the clever way to do it is you'd have a flashback and you'd reveal, oh, that actor was physically present in the scene, but he had his back to the camera or you didn't notice him or something because we disguised, we arranged the shot in a nice way.

But no, they don't. They show us shots that we haven't already seen of Jason Momoa standing there looking bad, and then the other guy walks in and stands next to him and it's just like, oh, we're allies. And it's like, there's not, there's no way I could have guessed this. It's not fun. It's just bullshit. It's just a heel turn.

So while presumably Charlize Theron and Michelle Rodriguez are into like hour six of fucking nasty in Antarctica, the B team are killed. Yeah, hopefully. And Dom is forced to drive down, like a dam ahead of the exploding trucks. and into and they get knocked off the dam

into the water, thus changing both Dom and LeBriand's sexualities, I guess. Yeah. Don's back to straight sexual. Are there even any real cars anymore? It's all just bad CGI. Are there any cars in this movie?

That's why they're in the museum that I saw because they don't fucking hear him to film the films anymore. I think that the ultimate mode of this was like... Paul Walker would be ashamed of this. No, that's not... Fast 5 or Fast 6 or something were the point where like none of the cars driving were real

but every car crashing was real. It's like all we did was destroyed the cars. That's fucking great, man. I loved that. We go back to Antarctica. For the final insults. Yeah, okay, so they blow up the dam. They implied they blow up the dam.

That's the end of Don Dorado's arc. Yeah, Dom sees the wave coming and he like accept his death in that moment and becomes car Jesus. and we go to Antarctica. We go to Antarctica and we get the moment that made everybody

right in all caps in the group chat because Ledy and Cypher fuck on Liddy and Cypher are treking through Antarctica and a fucking

submarine raises up through the ice and the hatch opens and out pops with enough champagne to fill the nile it's Gal Gadot she didn't die

don't worry don't worry the next movie will definitely have a prominently placed Mossad agent in it. All right. Now, when did this come out? Summer 2023.

You have to say, sailing that submarine to the Antarctic to deliver Galgado is one of the Israeli Navy's less ethical actions, and that's saying something. Really is. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What should you be doing on the way to that? I mean, I thought it was going to be Kurt Russell. I was like, okay, that's where you have your Kurt Russell.

Or I don't know. Anybody. Fucking make it Jesse. Make it poor CGI, Paul Walker, you know. Make it a mystery. Make it the rock. But no, no, it's fucking Giselle. Giselle's alive unless it's her twin or some bullshit.

Giselle, Yashar, she's alive. She's got amnesia. You didn't see a body. Yeah. What's wrong with Gina Carrano if falling off that plane? Did she just like land wrong? She got hit by a harpoon. Everyone else was, oh, she did get hit by a harpoon.

She was hit by a harpoon and this leads me to my thesis, which is that falling damage is turned off in the Fast and Furious Universe. If you fall, you are fine. If you get shot, you're dead. I genuinely believe that's true, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You hit the ground at any speed.

You're fine. You're fine. Full damage is off. Yeah, just roll it off. But then we had a mid-credit scene where some goons, some CIA, some CIA, clowns enter a mansion and then they find a ringing phone and it's Jason Mamma. How do you do? the eyebrow through

a balaclava and goggles that I can see you move your eyebrow. Yeah. It's Jason Momoa, Corley, is like, I'm going to get you the rock, and the rock is like, I'm going to be in the next movie. After two and a half hours,

finally remembering to get your revenge, to finally remember to be the author of all the pain of the guy who actually killed your dad instead of the guy who was... It's fucking crazy. Oh yeah, I just remember. Accessory to killing your dad.

Oh, yeah, the man who, like, actually murdered my father. The guy who legitimately shot my dad. As he was asking for help, yeah. And then, and then the final shot is the rock crushing a lithium ion battery-containing phone in his hand. I'm sure that will be fine. Which has a gay little phone case. It does.

Because he's Jason Mom. Because he's gay. Jason is gay. It's gay. It's so good to be like. I'm just going to author this other guy's pain first real quick. Before we come back to, before we do the second half of Fast X, I'm just going to go author some of, like, Luke Hobbs's Pay.

Second novel, yeah. Slide back around. And that's first 10, which was intended to set off a trilogy of mainline movies and a subsidiary Hobbs and Shore, I guess, movie. Really? Yes. And now instead of that, they're just doing Fast Forever. Is that it?

I think so. And then they're going to make a bunch of like TV series as well, aren't they? Probably reading the sequel part on the Wikipedia page. This, I understand it had, the sequel had a sort of like troubled development and this was the thing where it finally just sort of ran out of friend of the show gas. Okay, right, some guy, they're just calling him diesel. I don't know who diesel is. They're just referring to him by his surname. I guess the concept of diesel in its entirety announced that.

Presumably Vin. The 11th. Oh, that makes some fucking sense, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. The 11th film would be the franchise's last. Sorry, I just thought it was... I don't think of as Don Torretto. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. They are... They are trying to make one more movie. The spin-off has been put on hold. The Dante Reyes and Luke Hobbes movie has been put on hold, but they are forging forward of Fast Forever that is apparently set to be out 2028. They have finished production on it

I think because they were filming at the same time we were filming House of the Dragon season three so it'll be in post production now or if not, we don't call it reshoots anymore enhanced photography so it might be an enhanced photographer it might be in post. They're in the long process where they get fucking Michelle Rodriguez to come back

and record lines such as they're getting faster Yeah, find the device It's in capsules Reaching all of Galgado's dialogue for the fifth time Just replacing Galgado with fucking Kurt Russell. Just like, forget it.

She wasn't there. It was Kurt Russell. Yeah, they saw her through a blizzard. It wasn't her, yeah. It wasn't her. Getting Galgado to redo all of the dialogue about how Dante Reyes is firing missiles at them from behind that hospital. We don't have to talk about these films impressionistically, but I think we should have some closing thoughts. Now that we've come to the end of our long national nightmare.

I have a closing thought from my beautiful wife who says that Luke Evans is the George Lasonby of the Fast and Furious franchise. Never make them, make you do a second movie. That's so true. And he's Welsh too. Yeah, exactly. My set. Yeah, absolutely. I hated this.

I hated doing them. It was genuinely unpleasant. I don't think they even made the best content. I thought we did good content in spice of them rather than because of them. and I really resented it the whole time. This was something that I was interested in talking about because of the same reasons as James Bond. But it was like you have a antagonist character,

they've made a bunch of movies throughout three decades. What have they done to it? And the answer is it's simply not interesting for a franchise to be playing out its last legs during the 2010s and 2020s. Their moonraker was just now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

I think these make an excellent companion piece to Bond. It's like if we had started the podcast in the 70s. Exactly. Yeah. We just like end. Long Roger Moore. Yeah. So I guess we'll see you all for the dark and gritty reboot.

Yeah. See you on stage for the dark and gritty reboots. I'm somebody who's like... We're getting a paycheck out of this. He's very interested in this tension between art and business as somebody who like works in film and TV for a living. And there are moments of this franchise where I can see the, art shining through and I can see that's an artist who's turned up to work.

Those are the moments I really latch onto the moments where it feels like it's made by a person. And then what we see over the franchise is I think the growing influence of the commercial aspect of it as the films get more expensive in an economic sense, but in some ways get cheaper and

broader and less interesting. So I think there are a useful test case in like that that tension that every creative industry like fashion has to walk this too right it's like the Met Gala you know yes there's some art but also there's a lot of

commercialism and money and the tension between those two things is eternal but yeah there are moments like the costuming in this so good so beautiful like well done some of the fighting the stunts really good but then some of it I'm just like oh

it's product it's crazy to do this to a remake of point break basically Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's point break. Point break. To fake out of hands.

In the same way that like the Dominic Toretto, it's like Rambo too. Like Rambo was a really interesting character in the first one. Dom Toretto was a really interesting character in the first one. That insight we had, the good acting Vin Diesel was doing and that has just become smoother and smoother and more and more bloom and more and more blur and CGI. And then the background isn't even fucking moving. and we had interesting car stunts and illegal street races and now we have four parked cars on a sound stage and like a billion dollars and it's like,

it's sad. It's a shame. Yeah, but, but we don't. I'd still be in it if they ask. Fast and furious death marches over. Here's the thing. So would everyone else for a paycheck. Right.

But it wouldn't inspire you and it didn't inspire any of them. I would want to work with the stunt team because the stunt team on these franchises have done really well. the stunt drivers have done well. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's the bit I would like.

I'd be interested to get in there and just like explain what nitrous does like in an engine what it is exactly. Because it's not just a rocket boost. It's not just a blue shit. Like it's not just a fucking mushroom head in Mario Kart. And I love Michelle Rodriguez in these movies that I'm really happy for her. But this is, I'm like, yes. Two thumbs up.

Great. Yeah. Let me write the Letty standalone movie like fully. Yes. Yes. Yes. Finally gets to come out. Most rewarding franchise that you do financially end.

for like three years? Crazy. Anyway, we don't have to live our lives one quarter mile at a time anymore because we have a science-based system that for, I guess,

the last time since we're going to change it a little bit, we're going to change the meaning of the you when we go back to heist season. For the very last time, it's called the scum system,

it's down to the smam, cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence, and misogyny. On a scale of zero to how Smarmy is Fast 10. I only...

I don't know, how high can we go here? How pleased with it? Self, is it? I don't think it's as smarmy as some of the previous ones, actually. I think it's so perfectly bored and boring that it's almost like... Pretty middle of the road. It's almost like three exactly on the basis that like it's not anything one way or the other. It's just filed down to an orb.

I think it's very pleased with its big reveal moments, like the rock and Giselle, Yashar. So I might give it an extra point for that. That's true. The Giselle point alone would give an extra point. The Giselle is, oh, God, I mean, the reveal of her still being alive in the Sovere of 2023 is one of the funniest decisions anyone's ever made. It's insulting and it also fucks them completely. Yeah. I would say, yeah.

I could quite happily go to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cultural insensitivity. Now, the franchise has historically scored low on this because it's a very racially diverse cast, but we count homophobia and queerphobia under cultural insensitivity. And I think of all the films in the franchise, this is the most queerphobic one.

I agree. Which is very disappointing. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the fact that we still haven't had an explicitly gay character. And I also think to. To be perfectly honest with you, if you are making films in 2023 and you are not acknowledging

the genocide of trans people in some way, fuck you. This isn't just like making a homophobic movie in 2004. This is like making it now. Like, fuck you movie. Yeah. No, absolutely. So where does that put it in the sort of scale are we thinking then? Because I want to be quite punitive for the homophobia.

So do I actually. Yeah. Oh, do we want to put it in the punitive zone then? We could do for homophobia alone, because I don't think it's a racist film. It's not a racist film. Like, they're not particularly mean to Brazil conceptually. They're not like, and then they spend the rest of a time in Italy and London. Nowhere is a place in this anymore. And so it kind of like doesn't really allow for that possibility, really.

Yeah. It's, it's strange. It's perfectly neoliberally non-racist, but not anti-racist, if you follow. me? Yes, yes, you're right. It's like a rich person going on holiday, right? They're not, they're going to a country, but they're not interacting with any of the people who got there.

They're just like in like a little caged off rich guy zone. And then they go home and they go, oh, it was wonderful. You're in the car. You're driving. In the car and the luxury shops. They're not going to have to talk to someone who lives there. Six. Yeah, the events of like fucking the bicycle thieves are not going on.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess how queerphobic, how I'm feeling a little bit vindictive, but that might be bias, creeping into the scientific system. I think the nail polish scene alone, seven. Give it a seven. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, fuck you actually, yeah, seven, yeah. Unprovoked violence has got to be quite high because it doesn't... It's, again, I think this is an interesting case study here in that the actual kind of level of gore is quite low because it's got to keep its rating.

but the kind of textual killing is like insane. They make a child kill a lot of people, and that is fucked up. Yeah. We just walked our way to normalizing that one, huh? Yeah. Maybe that'll be the episode art is just like Brian squeezing off a couple of shots. He's not like affected by it. He's having a great time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that is one of the most egregious things I've seen in any film we've covered. I don't think it's as bad as Rambo 4, but I almost do want to punish it because you've, look, it's 11 years old. That's horrible. Yeah, Frank Transporter has been torturing the antagonist of a previous movie

for the duration of another movie for the crime of, I guess, being kind of annoying. Yeah. And he can still hang. He can still hang. Yeah. Cypha gasses all those surgeons who were just doing their job, I guess. John Cena kills like 50 CIA guys with a shotgun.

Yeah, he does. He does. Let he even kill, not letting me a killer. Brian, little Brian is frequently in danger and at no point is anyone like, cover your eyes, cover your ears, like stay. They're like keep down and keep safe, but the idea that it might be bad

for a child to be exposed to this kind of violence is that that's never, like I'm like, you know, my niece is a little bit younger than real Brian. Like if we're in a violent situation, I would not react in this way at all. It's horrible the way they treat this kid. And it's not as if we're saying that you always have to be serious about that because all of us liked the bit where Frank Transporter does the gunfight

where he's like covering the kid in the like... Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Baby character. Yeah. In whichever movie that was. It is. So, yeah, we've got to be punitive on this one too, right?

So... Eight? Yeah. For sure. Showing a child killing people. Yeah. Yeah, like, again, the Toretto Cartel employs child soldiers. It's kind of worse than Rambo in that way.

You're not allowed to do that. The only reason Rambo 4 beats it is because that was like real footage of human beings. Yeah, and then- And then- misogyny. We're back in the bad zone again because of the meat market. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women are people, and women do get to kick ass, which puts it on a par with the previous movie, which we gave a score of two, two. But I think the meat market pushes it up again. And so three, four.

Yeah, Michelle Rodriguez is carrying this franchise on her shoulders once again because she's one of the main reasons why the women don't have to fight sexily as well. Yes, very true. God, thank God. So, yeah, I would go like three here, I guess. Three? Maybe even higher. Like, given the meat market, I could hear a four even.

Four, okay. I like that. I'd be happy to further that. That gives it a total score of 23. egregious. Which is not the worst, but it's the second worst. The worst is still...

Fast 7 got a 26. That was the one who went to the Middle East. But yeah, this is now... Fast 7 is the Torado. Yeah, John... Yeah, yeah. It's the Frank Transporter War against the Toradoes, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fast 7 is clearly the worst on 26. And then we have a cluster of like 5, 6 and now 10, like shortly behind it. Fast 1 is still the best on 12. So the franchise is hands down. I mean, Vin Diesel was right, but like making a sequel to it was a bad idea. But it should have just been left to learn. Science has proven in mind.

I guess we will see when we do the live show when Fast Forever comes out. We will see how bad things could get. But yeah, this was a real shame. Yeah, this was a real slog and I feel like I've strained my friendships with two of my dearest friends. And now let's move on to. Passures new. Don't watch this movie listeners, but do look up the fabulous work of the costume designers on Pinterest or some equivalent, yeah.

Because the costume, Jason Momoa's costumes in this, great. Well, the good news is. Well, there's two or three pieces of good news. One is that we never have to do one of these again, apart from maybe it's a live show. And I like live shows. And another is that we're going back to clean up the last little bits of heist season. Yes. So, again, if you have suggestions and many of you have had excellent suggestions,

We will try and do those before we embark upon next season and an entirely different genre. And we also have a Patreon, which you can subscribe to, and the next bonus episode, where that's a Devon pick. It is.

I feel like I've strained my friendship, so it's time to show you a movie that's actually good and fun to talk about it. Oh, God, it's such a good film. Convoy! Yes! Hey, Marxist text. Amazing.

Fantastic movie. We will see you for that, and then for our very next Haste movie, Baby Driver. Bye, bye. Bye. The all-canceled cast. Let's go.

Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. We've reached the end of the Fast and Furious series. We don't have to talk about another one until they make and release it. And who knows how long that could take. Our next main episode is Baby Driver. And if that is simply too long few to wait. Then you can head on over to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash kill James Bond and sign

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