Kill James Bond! - S4E6: Ocean's 13

Episode Date: January 25, 2025

Of this, i can say merely; it was a movie i watched in 2025 ----- FREE PALESTINE Hey, Devon here. As you well know I've been working with a few gazan families to raise money for their daily living costs in the genocide. As a ceasefire has been announced, we hope soon plenty of Aid can get in and help alleviate the dire famine they're being subjected to. But until then, they still have to afford to eat, so we ask for you to keep helping them out, just a little longer. https://www.gofundme.com/f/a8jzz-help-me-and-my-family-get-out-of-the-gaza-strip https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-me-and-my-family-to-find-a-safe-place https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-us-maher-and-my-family-to-leave-gaza-to-belgium https://www.gofundme.com/f/htdcj-evacuating-my-family-from-gaza https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donate ----- Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ WEB DESIGN ALERT Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am November Kelly. I am joined, as always, by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon... I'm gonna fuckin' kill myself. I'm not, how we doin' everyone, what's up? You join us in the midst of a conversation in which I staked out the position that my mental health has gotten significantly better, the worse my own kind of, like, internal self-talk has been. And so, when I'm really really depressed, I just, I think, oh god, I don't know how

I'm gonna get out of this, what I'm gonna do, I just have so many things to do. When my mental health is a bit more functional, I tend to think to myself, oh, I'm gonna fucking kill myself, and then I do the task, right? So on that basis, we're now perfectly equipped to tell you what happens in Ocean 13. Yeah, I woke up this morning, I looked at my schedule, it said, remember everything that happens in Ocean 13, 10am, and I went, uh oh. Yeah, god. More things happen in this one than did in the previous one? Yeah, that's true.

Lots of things. This one's also clearer, it basically tells you what the scam is gonna be at the start, which I quite like. I kind of feel like this one has, if anything, too many things, right? But so, if you're not familiar with the series, right, this is George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and their friends getting together to make, first a remake of a Rat Pack movie in the 60s, which was an excuse for Sinatra to hang out, and then doing two sequels to that, of which this is the second.

And this is, by some way, the movie that, like, assumes the most goodwill of its audience, this is a movie that's convinced it because you have spent four hours with Danny Ocean and Rusty Ryan, you are like their best friend for real, you're like pointing at the screen, you love all the little, like, references, you're just very very happy to be there for Ocean 13. If you're not, if you're just like, if you're there as a hired gun, if you're there to do this for work for your podcast, if you're kind of done with these guys. Yeah.

I enjoyed this one the most though, because the problem that we had with the second one is that the heist, which the film is ostensibly about, happens off screen and then it doesn't tell you anything about it and there's no way you can figure it out. Whereas with this one, it does the opposite. It tells you like, pretty much in Act 1, here is what the heist is going to be, and then they do it. ALICE Yeah, I mean you get kind of like a bunch of nested heists as well, which is nice, as a kind of like, you know, compensation for the

no heist in the second one. But yeah, it's- RILEY It's like one big plan, and it has some problems midway through it, but they fix it. I don't mind this one so much, this was a little bit- ALICE This is my favorite of the three. RILEY The plot was easier to follow, certainly. It's better than two, I will say, hands down. ALICE You know, I call a film indulgence a lot, you know, and this is hypocrisy, and I'm gonna illustrate that by way of an analogy, this movie feels like listening to a podcast from, like, the 500th episode where they've all got all of their

own bits bedded in and you have to go and unpick them? Yeah, George Cooney just opens with I'm gonna fucking kill myself. And then it was like, what? What? Oh no, George. Every time Matt Damon is on screen they do a bit about him being raised by fishermen and doesn't really connect to anything, and you're just like, I don't... Yeah, they really try and make it work.

Yeah, yeah, I dunno. Just desperate for that bit to land. The problem that I had is that I finished watching this, and due to a lack, a noticeable lack of Catherine Zeta-Jones in this movie, no Julia Rogers either, she's out of here. Julia Rogers? Julia Rogers looks almost exactly like Julia Roberts. like Julia Rogers in this shit either. That's true. Yeah. And the mistake that I made is I finished this up by immediately going on one of my multi-day Catherine Zeta Jones binges, and I now remember the plot of entrapment and intolerable cruelty.

That's how Michael Douglas got cancer. Perfectly. It's difficult when this happens. It's a real like, kind of like, not just staffing issue but like you as a friend, we find you like face down and the gutter surrounded by blu rays. It's just like, Oh, for God's sake, they've been on the Zeta Jones. We talked about this. Yeah, there's no Julia Roberts. There's no Julia Rogers. There's no Julia's of any description, basically, because this movie is like the first thing that happens is Brad, Julie, George Clooney meet and George Clooney says Julia Roberts and Catherine Jones will not be appearing in this movie. Great. go, great, okay fine.

Yeah, I thought that was a bit that they were going to do and they were coming back later, but no, they mean it. No, they fully, they do the like, please put themselves retro studio logos and titles. And then we go, right, no women in this one. This is, this is, this is boys night, you know? This is- Absolutely. This is like guys in Vegas having like homosocial fun before the hangover.

Yeah, heists are about women again. And you know, heists are about the boys. That's true. This one is for the boys. So Danny Ocean, George Clooney, is being pulled out of retirement along with Brad Pitt, Rusty Ryan, Matt Damon, Linus Tech Tips, whatever the fuck. Dusty Ryan, Matt Damon, Linus Tech Tips, whatever the fuck. And they get to Vegas on an emergency basis because something has happened to Earth's oldest cunt. By the way, in the course of this, as they get off the plane, we get a perfect mob guy woe off of Damon. Just... just like, luxuriating that a little bit.

I got a lot of drops on this one. I'm finally figuring this shit out. Just, just like, luxuriating that a little bit. Whoa. I got a lot of drops on this one. I'm finally figuring this shit out. Oh my god, I didn't get any. No, I have, let me see, eight, twelve drops from this movie, one of which is... Whoa. Um, if you remember from the previous two movies, Ruben, Elliot Gould, guy we love to see, cigar chewing, like, big glasses, kind of

Robert Evans, the Hollywood producer, he's the guy who bankrolls the heists initially, he's the casino industry insider. And he's fucking dead now. Because he tried to get into business with Al Pacino. Yes. Al Pacino, kind of looking a bit Donald Trump-ish. Yeah, he does do a Trump in this, like he fully does. He's like the fake tan and the hair.

This is a rare intermediate form of Al Pacino. Pacino scholars such as myself recognize several distinct eras of Pacino, and this is halfway between his, like, scent of a woman whatever kind of era, and his, like, old man Pacino stuff, he's nearly there. ALICE Yeah. He's cooking, he's percolating. There is still representation discourse that you can do here, in that, like, Al Pacino is an alarmingly orange-ly tanned man from the South Bronx, whereas, y'know, here he's playing functionally Donald Trump, who is an alarmingly orange-tanned man from, like, Queens or Manhattan, depending on how you look at it.

And yeah, I don't know if that's like appropriation or not, like, I don't know if Donald Trump's costume is a costume, but he has tried to go into business with Al Pacino, who is... What's his name? ALICE WONG Willy Bank. But he has tried to go into business with Al Pacino, who is... What's his name? WILLY BANK. WILLY BANK. Yeah. Yeah.

Who is like another casino owner. And they're gonna open this big new casino together, they're gonna go 50-50, but Al Pacino, he Zuckerberged him out of it. Yeah. He's... he Winklevosses him. Because he meets him in the casino under construction, and he's like, points at him, and he's like, you're Winklevust. Like...

Yeah, you have been Winklevust, please sign over all of your assets to me. Yeah. I'm... you can say Slur's in the casino now. It's clear that Reuben is like, has been like, putting in the work, he like, comes to this meeting with like, his two big achievements that he's done, he's really excited, and then Pacino's just like, yeah, no, you're out. And he has an unnamed goon, who remains unnamed throughout, just kind of vaguely menace Ruben. Yeah, it's a vague threat, he's like, what, if I don't say yes you're gonna throw me off

the roof, and he goes, well I don't want to! And then that's about as sinister as this movie gets, the stakes are not really life and death. ALICE It's interesting as well, because Bank, Pacino, he kind of like, he cuts him out of the casino, and Reuven says, you don't do that because like, old Vegas, right, there's a code, where both guys who shook Sinatra's hand, right? RILEY Yeah, and that means something, you know? It used to mean something in this town. What exactly does that mean?

Okay, we didn't get to talk about this very much on Ocean's Eleven, spelled out Eleven, but like, Frank Sinatra was like a depraved thug and rapist who was like... Oh, certainly. ...beloved of guys who like to, like, to like, weep into their drinks because they had never heard like, two notes of music in the same song before. And it's just, this cult around him is very very strange, but it's even stranger to make a movie that really makes it into a real thing, that reifies it in the year this came out, you know? And also suggests that it should be the basis of business contracts, because Ruben's like,

we both shook Sinatra's hand, you know, there's a code amongst guys who shook Sinatra's hand, I'm not gonna say what that code is, but... It's kind of religious, like, mythological Sinatra here, it's like, and, you know, in Sinatra's name, Sinatra's old blue eyes be upon you. I'm fascinated by the historicity of Frank Sinatra, you know, like, we could prove that he exists. He was a minor lounge singer, we can say that much, in a remote province of the American

Empire. There were several lounge singers at the time, but he just happened to become quite popular. He hung out with a number of apostles, it's difficult to say what remains of his teaching, besides like, ring a ding ding. I'm using the rubric of embarrassment to like, prove that Ocean's Eleven spelled out actually happened. Like, they wouldn't make that kind of thing up, you got embarrassed. But they try to insist that this is some sort of casino owner Bushido code, where like,

if you've met Frank Sinatra, you can't fuck each other over, cause you're like an old head. And Al Pacino goes, no, I don't give a fuck about that. ALICE He's right! He's completely right. It's so strange to insist upon this, just because Sinatra made the movie that you're now riffing off of, you know? RILEY But he finishes it off by bank, renames the casino to The Bank or whatever, and that is finally enough and that makes, um, Ruben have

his heart attack. ALICE Yeah, his heart explodes. RILEY So he's not actually dead, we said he's dead, but he's not dead, he has a broken heart! RILEY No, he's just, my casino! Oh no. ALICE If you want a sense of how perfunctorily this is done, he's in bed, the gang, the whole gang are like, at his bedside, and we get the rhetorical questions doctor to speed us

through the scene even quicker, who's just like, will he get better? I don't know, maybe. What will make him get better? A family, probably. A family. A heist of some kind? A kind? He has a broken heart. How could he heal his broken heart? With crime?

Yes. Certainly crime. I like that the gang, I like that they immediately go, well, we're gonna murder Alpertino, right? Yeah. Obviously we're gonna fuckin' pop this guy. One of the two Mormon brothers, fuckin' like, Traclin or whatever, says, I'm going to get close to bank and I don't care if it gets messy. Which...

Hell yeah. Hell yeah, brother, I... you know. Me when I'm on my money mindset, I'm gonna get close to bank and I don't care if it gets messy. But so, yeah, they're just gonna kill him. They're just gonna kill him. And instead, it's... So they're gonna call the Ouija, we're gonna wait for him outside, and it's three shots with

a 3D printed gun, and that's how we're gonna do it. I should say, in this scene, because Don Cheadle is present, he is wearing the weirdest leather jacket I've ever seen. I just wanna pull this out here. He's got like, two pockets over the kind of like, breasts, right, not that unusual in a leather jacket, however, they're like, circular, cross-belted with an o-ring in the middle, it looks like, if you put this in like a black jacket instead of brown it looks like it belongs in cruising, it's one of the strangest- it looks like it's

got like, tear-away tip panels on this jacket, and I just- it completely like, took me out of the rest of the scene. The rest of the scene is Danny Ocean being like, we're not gonna kill him, because that's not the genre of movie we're making. We're going to give him like, a second chance. ALICE Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna, you know, offer to heist something for him in exchange for giving Reuben his shareback. So Clooney goes to Al Pacino and he makes this offer to him, it's all in crime gibberish language, and I like that Al Pacino is just like, no, there's nothing you can offer me, I already have all the money in the world, fuck you. Which I really like!

SICK. He does kind of lay out all of the stuff that he has that you could heist at this moment, which I think is a little... Yeah, this was a bad call....cubristic. lay out all of the stuff that he has that you could heist at this moment, which I think is a little... Yeah, this was a bad call. ...cubristic. He's like, you know, I have everything I could possibly want, I have this massive casino that's gonna open and make a bunch of money, and it's gonna get the five diamonds award

for like, best hotel casino, like I've done four or five other times before, and they give me a diamond necklace each time and they're all up here in this vault. It's like, okay man, sure. He also says, he also says, don't, he's like, don't fuck with me. I slice like a goddamn hammer. And I'm like, what? I kind of like this is just like, just like, stupid. What are you doing with a, slice with a hammer?

Trying to hold my shit together and be like intimidating and I say something like that and I just kind of go, okay cool good meeting and I go into my phone and into the calendar I put fucking kill myself. ALICE Yeah. ALICE I cancel the rest of my appointments, you know? KATE Yeah, yeah. KATE Slice like a goddamn hammer. ALICE And this is the thing, I like my little head cannon here, this is just like an authentically fucked up thing you'd say by accident he's thinking about it for the whole rest of the movie.

He's just like going over it in his head, like, why did I tell that guy I sliced like a hammer, what's wrong with me? Just waking up like two nights later, just like, what the fuck did I... Like, I say sliced like a hammer? Six years later Al Pacino sits bolt up twice in bed. Just like, aw fuck! It's like, they all run together in one kind of compilation, it's like the time he called the teacher mum, the time he told Danny Ocean he sliced like a hammer, like a time he fell

over one time. I still remember the time I accidentally called the teacher mum. I mean, yeah, it sticks with you. Yeah I did it year one and it's still there. Yeah. Mr. Scarratt, you aren't my mum, yeah, it sticks with you. Yeah, I did it at year one and it's still there. Yeah. Mrs. Scarratt, you aren't my mom, I know that now. Sorry.

It doesn't leave you, it doesn't leave you, it sticks around, it's in the compilation reel, it's terrible. Basically what we then get is a cut that says six months later, and if you think- Yeah, I'm reading the plot right now and I'm still lost. If you think about this as a sequence of events, right, Al Pacino has fucking heart attack gunned their boy. They have come to him and explicitly, like, kind of quasi-threatened him, kind of made him an offer he can't refuse, he has refused it, and then nothing has happened for six

months. If you're Al Pacino, bar the slice like a hammer thing, you're feeling pretty good about this. Yeah, you're not even remembering what's happening. The casino is almost done and the opening is coming up, so they're planning this revenge heist and so Suzy Izzard has to come to Vegas so that they can explain to her what the heist is going to be, and ask for her help. And her outfit in this, this is Suzie, but she's still in the closet, her outfit in this is an all black shirt, an all black tie, and then a black pinstripe suit, and there is a photo of me, at the age of 18, wearing this outfit, because

I saw it in this movie! It's once again, it's the people's joker, me, a faggot joke, again. I saw it in this movie, and I was like, damn, Suzy Hizal's really really cool in this, she even has the goatee, and I'm just like, oh my god, it's so... Suzy babe. If you ever, if you ever tried to wear like a dark suit, black shirt, colorful tie, you are transgender now, I hope you know, if you don't then you have to transition. ALICE I just remember having such clear memories of just like, wow, that person's really cool, I wanna be like that person, if I have to

be this way then I wanna be like, I wanna be a man, in the way that that is, and then I'm just like, oh no! RILEY This is so wow. ALICE No, no. RILEY Huge misfire on you. ALICE Anyway. that it's just like,, not hard, but a significantly taller blonde woman. And when I watched this, this is just perfect, like, physical comedy. I actually fumbled my whole notebook. So, if you've got a sense of kind of where I'm

at, I like just dropped all my notes. But speaking of blonde women, Al Pacino has a right hand woman. Yes. And it is Cameron Diaz. It... Is it? No it isn't. Is it?

No it's not. I'm pretty sure it is. It's Ellen Barkan. This shit got me Ellen Barkan. It's not... What? It's got me... Wait, no, no it's not that.

Cameron Diaz? Sorry, you're talking about Abigail, right? Like the middle... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, definitely not Cameron Diaz. No, that's not Cameron Diaz. Yeah, no, I have to look myself up. You have face blindness.

She doesn't look anything like her. Ellen Barkin. Are you shitting me? We did three Charlie's Angels movies. That's just not her. No. That is, that she has the same fa- that's- It's the same face, no, I'm with you.

That's just old Cameron Diaz. You're shitting me. I don't believe these women are- what? These white women all look the same face, no I'm with you. That's just old Cameron Diaz! You're shitting me! I don't believe these women are- what?! These white women all look the same to me. Oh my god! Are you doing a kind of like gang stalking beef against Ellen Barkan? To be like, you and Cameron Diaz are the same woman? I am looking at her now and I'm like, this is just Cameron Diaz.

I get a picture of Ellen Barkan off of me and I'm like, I don't think so. I'm looking at like 20 pictures of her and like, this is... what?! This is the shit that was happening in the Prestige. Um, so- Oh my god, I'm so sorry to Ellen Barkan if you're listening. Excuse me, I'm crossing out Cameron Diaz, I'm running this, this is Ellen Barkan. Ellen Barkan is introduced, she's the like, you know, the right hand woman, and she's seen bullying, like, a waitress about her weight, right, she's doing toxic femininity.

And the boys are kind of like, we've gotten slightly woker than we did in Ocean's 12, where it's just Matt Damon. Matt Damon's been sending them out some literature, and they've been reading it because they're like, this is terrible, this is... Highly illegal. And it turns out that the... Oh, highly. Highly illegal. The loophole that allows them to, like, police their waitresses' appearance like this, is that they aren't waitresses, they are, and I mostly just get this for the drop. Models who serve? Just useful to have. Models who serve? Just useful to have.

Models who serve. Models who serve. All models serve. They also serve, who only stand and walk. So what else we got here? Yeah, this is for being four pounds too fat or whatever. Yeah. Okay, yeah, so, sorry, the stakes of this is, they're going to prevent the bank casino from winning that diamonds

award, and they're gonna rig all of the casino's games to pay out massive on opening night. He's gonna lose. And like ruin him or whatever. Yeah, they're not gonna like benefit in any way, it's just to fuck with him. It's qui bono everybody, okay? Which I quite like. Because Bank is in, Bank took out some big loans to finance his casino, so he needs to make $500 million in his first quarter to make it back, or he's gonna lose the business.

So they're like, we need to make him lose $500 million on opening night by rigging all of the games in the casino so everybody wins. Which is a fun idea. And Suzy goes through all the aspects of their plan with them, she's a kind of like heist consultant in this bit. Yes. Where she's like, okay, well, give me another montage, right, of all the shit you've been fucking with.

So the way they've rigged the craps games, in particular, is notable. Because the two, well, one of the two Mormon brothers is undercover- The Twink Mormon and the Hunk Mormon. The Twink Mormon who looks a bit like Brandon Flowers, like a young Brandon Flowers, is, I mean, maybe just all young Mormons look like that, I don't know. But like, he's undercover in the factory in Mexico that makes the dice that are then shipped under guard all the way to the casino where they're then tested and put into use and stuff.

In order to, like, lean into this disguise, he does have a kind of very wide-handlebar mustache. Yeah, he's got the Zapatista mustache. Hell yeah. Yeah. It's maybe, like, offensive, since he's playing Mexican, but... Yes. Yeah.

Not a big fan of this, I have to say. I have strongly mixed feelings about this whole subplot, let me say. I think it's the most interesting thing about the movie, for better and worse. I think it is too, yeah. But they've put special chemicals in the dice as they're being made, so they can like, cause the dice to do whatever they want. Um, Livingston the electrician is, like, messing with the blackjack shuffling machines. ALICE Yeah, they get them hired by cheating a polygraph,

which polygraph's a bullshit. They also then kind of double down on this, because they're like, okay, well, we've also found a second nerd, we've found a second, like, egg. SONIA Yeah, this kid's only in one scene, who's this kid? Eugene. The, like, egg-looking computer science student who they get to program some of the stuff. I don't know why this kid- The stop machines.

Maybe he won a contest or something, but like- Yeah, is this like a producer's kid or something? It's like the Frank Sinatra code, you know, if you're planning a heist, you gotta have like, some people whose first heist it is so that they can upskill a little. It's like the Frank Sinatra code, you know, if you're planning a heist you gotta have some people whose first heist it is so they can upskill a little. It's a really nice way for the industry to work. ALICE Also, this movie, much like our podcast, is about having an excuse to dress up with your friends and hang out in outfits. ZACH That is true, yeah.

ALICE So they do kind of a rerun of the montage. And the first movie was it's like the three most successful casino robberies, where they try their roulette scam, and their guy gets like bodied instantly by security. And like Clooney and Pitt are watching him, and George Clooney is wearing like a turtleneck, a big gold medallion, and a sort of like handlebar mustache. And the joke here is like, oh that guy's not very subtle, is he? I mean, first of all, thank you, George, for the episode up.

Second of all, combined with the fact that he went undercover as Miguel Diaz in the last movie, I'm like, there's a lot of these guys that want very badly to be Hispanic. Which is kind of funny. This is like the kind of thing that they're all doing in retirement, you know? I think it's nice when white boys get into pretending to be a different race. It happens over here, but only with, like, the East. I don't think it's nice, per se, by the way. I think it's noteworthy. Uh huh. Sure. Yeah. Anyway, they've reaped all of the games in the casino, but the problem is, the casino

has this really advanced AI system. Yes it does. Yes it does. I have the drop. It's an artificial intelligence security system. It doesn't work. It doesn't work at all. It just fully hallucinates one in three things it does.

Yeah, it's making up games that don't even fucking exist. It's delving. It's like you're getting kicked out for cheating at Ballot Trap. Yeah. But yeah, so basically what Suzy as this character says is like, you guys are like, you're too old school, you're like, analog players in a digital world, you're washed, right? Because they have this AI security system, that like, the Greco it's called, that tracks everybody's like movement and emotions with pinpoint precision, can't- Yeah, it's like that biometric and shit like that, yeah.

Can't detect George Clooney wearing the Handlewell mustache, but that doesn't matter. And by the way- It can also, it can tell if a win is legitimate, because if you rig the game, if you're cheating, then it can tell that you're lying. It's like a lie detector machine. And so it knows if you've rigged the game, right? So if everybody in the casino suddenly wins, then they're going to know that something's up. And the Greco is, it can't be shut off because it's in an impregnable room that locks down. If there's a problem problem then it locks down the entire room. ALICE Yeah, it locks itself down.

RILEY Yeah. And then it reboots, and the reboot cycle is three and a half minutes. And they're like, well okay, I guess that's our window, right? We have to find a way to shut the computer off. ALICE Susie, Susie as this character, knows the guy who develops it and is maintaining it, this Greco guy, which gets a look off of Brad Pitt, and gives me this drop. Yeah, you've obviously never served time in a British boarding school.

Which, many such cases. Yeah, because the joke is, that character's called Roman, and someone goes, Greco Roman. And he's just like, uh, da da da da. I love to do a two part name bit that just never comes up for like twenty years, you know? You guys are gonna love it when you meet December. Yeah, when the punchline to the November thing hits, it's gonna be so good. There is, yeah, there's a bit here, it's just like, you know, just wait for it, you know?

Your daughter's gonna be called December. Yeah. And then your second daughter, January. My granddaughter, January Jones, yeahdaughters, January Jones. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. So the idea is that we're going to fake a natural disaster by wiggling the building with a big wiggler. Yes.

We're going to get a big drill that simulates an earthquake, which is going to cause a the record of shutdown. And then that's also our plan to get out because the other problem is like, if everybody wins at the casino games, they also have to then leave the building with the money, and so the plan is, okay, we put the building on the wiggler, which shuts the computer down, we have three and a half minutes to make everybody win every game at the casino, and then we hit them with the wiggler again, and that causes them to evacuate. ALICE So they don't have to evacuate, yeah.

Perfect. ALICE So at this point Don Cheadle has to be in the tunnel warring machine. RILEY Yeah, they send him to the tunnel machine jail for the rest of the movie. It is more or less explicit that he is gooning in there, which... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He asks Matt Damon to buy him porn mags, and Matt Damon won't do it. Yeah, he won't do it. He's too woke.

He's too woke. I just, I dunno, I think this is just like, objectifying, y'know, and this is like 2010's porn mags as well, so like, sort of at the end of the Ladsmag era. Yeah, really bad. There's a scene where Linus is in London, very briefly, I might recall what he's there to do, but it has this blue filter over it, that's like Tuva de Grieve at the yellow filter for Mexico Inspector, it's so funny to see us getting hit by that.

Do you know why he has a scene in London? Not like why in the movie, but like why in the movie. RILEY I still don't even remember. RILEY Is it because he was in London for Jason Bourne's material? ALICE Yes! Yes! And they didn't manage to get him off the set of the Jason Bourne where that Guardian

journalist gets killed, so he's just like, yeah, he's taking a break from the bin man takes to do like a- RILEY Oh, that's so funny. ALICE A bit like into a phone phone where he's like yeah I'm in Cody Banks drop London. That's why I found this out after the episode, that's why Bernie Mac wasn't really in the last one, it's cause he was filming the Bernie Mac show the whole time. I'm kind of insulted. What's his excuse for not being in this one?

He probably was still filming the Bernie Mac show, I don't know how long that went. I feel kind of insulted that this movie is so obviously extra curricular for these guys. Yeah, right? Like this isn't even the main thing you've got on? Yeah, like this is the kind of filler in your schedule and I paid full price to see this. The second one was one of the most profitable movies of the year it came out, too. Yeah, it's like the tenth best selling movie of 2001 and you just like don't give a shit. I will say that does make it much more obvious the ones for whom this is like the main thing that they have going on. Saul.

Like, Saul, yeah, Saul, the Mormon brothers are really bringing it. Oh yeah. I gotta say, it's gotta be great to be those guys. Like every time George Clooney wants a multi-million dollar check in the mid-2000s, you get one too, just like you've been grandfathered in. Well, you probably don't get paid the same amount. I imagine you probably get paid for being in the movie, though. You get paid something, and you're like, sag after it. I'm like, grabbing a hammer and

nails and I'm going into George Clooney's coattails at that point. Like, you- Oh, fully. I've got like climbing spikes in the back of his thighs, I'm like just on there, you know? Yeah, you're just like, I want the Lake Como house, George, just give me the- I want to live on Lake Como! I'll take a smaller lake, George. Those two Mormon guys, probably not even Mormon in real life, are like parasiting George Clooney's

house on Lake Como right now. He's out in Paris filming Nespresso commercials and they're ordering like fried chicken and wings to them. He's gonna need someone to house it! Casey Affleck and Scott Kahn are in your basement right now, George Clooney. They're doing the like, parasite air quotes thing, Casey Affleck, Boston, right? But, so, only child. SONIA The other aspect of the plan is that they want the hotel to get a bad review, so they identify who the reviewer is gonna be, they

sabotage pretty much everything this poor fucking guy does, and then Saul poses as a reviewer so that Cameron Diaz, brackets Ellen Barkett in question mark, is gonna give him the VIP treatment. ALICE Yeah, Saul's character here. The square brackets British accent is being stretched to its fucking limits across this franchise. SONIA Yeah, it was bad enough with Don Cheadle, but like, do we have to do this? We're getting it from both directions on this fucking music.

ALICE Yeah this guy's cover name, his fake name, is like, Kensington Chub, which is, walking into the venue, hello my name is Safe McCracken. RILEY His whole character in this is just like, heavily dropping hints that I'm the hotel reviewer. Wow, if I was to review this hotel it wouldn't do too good right now, and all the staff are like, oh shit, give this guy a room now. ALICE He literally drops a binder that has the logo of the fucking Michelin, you know, analog on there.

SONIA Five diamond thing, yeah. And meanwhile they've paid one of the concierges off to fuck with this guy. It's really interesting, so we kind of get a hand wave line where they talk about how they bribed one of the concierge to fuck with the real reviewer, and Brad Pitt says, oh, she's very ambitious, I offered her, like, a hotel manager gig in Monaco, and I'm like, how do you, you're a criminal, how do you... ALICE He's a hotels guy. He's just like, become a real player in the space.

Meanwhile, in Mexico, the Twink Mormon is getting radicalized. GARETH He's radicalizing him! GARETH I love this. He's radicalizing them. ALICE Yeah, he is a union agitator at this point, because, like, he observes that the conditions are very very bad, and all of the actual Mexicans in this workplace are like, yeah, no, it fucking sucks, but like, this is like, labor conditions in Mexico. And he, as we see as the punchline

of the scene, riffing off of a poster for tequila that invokes the name Zapata is like, you've forgotten Senor General Emiliano Zapata, it's like, you know, die on your feet rather than live on your knees, right? This is really funny, right, if you imagine, because he's actually radicalizing them, and if you think of this as like, this is the small domino, and the big domino is like, the Mexican army reconquering California in 2060, this is... 2060 is a long time off, pal. It's a lot of dominoes. It's a lot of dominoes, you know?

Oh no, I just think that they'll conquer California faster than that. I mean, inshallah. That would just be, that would be just my luck, wouldn't it, to move to LA, to go to Hollywood just in time for it to be fucking invaded. Start learning Spanish. It'd probably be better. It's not like they're gonna get anything out of the Republican government. They'll probably get it out of Claudia Scheinbaum's government.

Actually, yeah, fair enough. Yeah, long live- command the Scheinbaum! Viva la revolucion! I will serve in any land war against the criminal America curtain empire. Just the bit where all of us join the Mexican army is just like, like the 19th century we become like the San Pedro Riccios. We'll keep podcasting from the front. We just killed James Bond en Espanol.

It's one of those weird points of Mexican military history where some like, you know, non-Mexicans who are too woke come over and get killed in your favor. It's just like a trans battalion that gets wiped out south of Los Angeles. Hell yeah! Beautiful. Fuck yeah. That's what Escape from LA is recall. So the point of it, by the way, the unionization effort here is on purpose, because since these guys produce the dice, they wanna make sure that they're low on dice reserves, so that the ones that they specifically spike are guaranteed to be used on opening night, so they're disrupting the supply chain.

It took me too long to figure out that that was what was going on. I was like, what the fuck's going on down there? Is it? I thought this was an accident. I thought he just like authentically like became into into like labor relations. Just was like- I thought that was the joke because they said- Me too for the whole movie. Later on they sent his elder brother down because the factory's on strike and they're like,

shit we don't have the special dice that we need. They sent his elder brother down, because the factory's on strike and they're like, shit, we don't have the special dice that we need. And they sent his elder brother down to sort him out. And then the joke is that they cut to his elder brother, like, have you sorted things out? And he's like, yeah, it's all fine, we just need management to get back to us. And he's like throwing molotovs at the police. The line is, we just need to break management, which is even better. Yeah.

Cool. Yeah, do this. I kind of like this, especially because in that conversation when they're talking about it, uh, like... So he says they want their bread and they want the roses too. Just authentically becoming like too deep cover and becoming like a communist agitator. I mean, this is historically not a great occupation in Mexico. Like the fucking like Mormon brothers are going to turn up like, you know, shot

in a ditch by the federalists, but like it's, they're having a great time. Like, they're like genuinely building solidarity between particularly like Mexican, like working class things, because as they're leaving with the dice, one of them is like, you know, like tell, tell, tell my brothers are hanging tough. And then we see that brother who is the same actor and in like the casino. And it's like, okay, so we're actually like, you know, punching through the floor here. The joke that I had written for this is this is the best time a Mormon has had in Mexico since Mitt Romney's father. Uh, just Google you'll get around it. SONIA Anyway, the other hitch in the plan is that

the drill, the big drill they're using to dig the Hyperloop and wiggle the building, is broken, and they need to buy another one, which is gonna cost 36 million dollars. And they're like, fuck, where are we gonna get that? ALICE Yeah. You know who was in the other two movies? ALICE Yeah. ALICE You know who they have beaten, and therefore is now their friend, by Dragon Ball rules? SONIA Yeah, yeah, yeah, like fucking Casino Goku.

RILEY Yeah, absolutely. Look, we gotta make up this thirteen somehow, alright? SONIA We're up to like seventeen at this point, but whatever. RILEY Yeah, all of these people are. ALICE It's true, fucking Vassel-Cassell has been like following them around the casino this whole time and you're like, that's the guy from the last movie. The Night Fox is here. The Night Fox.

He is here, yeah. He doesn't even do the fox thing anymore, it's bullshit. Yeah, I know. We've got to go to casino Dracula Andy Garcia and ask him for a loan to buy the big Wiggler. ALICE Andy Garcia later in this movie will make the funniest noise, so just look forward to that one. ALICE And he's like, okay, I hate Al Pacino, so I will lend you the money to buy this drill, but I want you to steal his diamonds. Which weren't originally part of the plan, because the diamonds are in a super secure

room. He has these diamond necklaces that he gets awarded for ruining the five diamonds, which weren't originally part of the plan, because the diamonds are in a super secure room, and he has these diamond necklaces that he gets awarded for for winning the five diamonds, he's like, I hate him so much, steal the diamonds, I don't get- you can keep them if you want to, but I just want him to fucking lose everything. ALICE Yeah, and he's having a great time being a kind of mobbed up piece of shit in this movie, it's kind of- he's really enjoying it, and so am I, to be honest. So, the angle here, the scam, the way they're gonna do this, involves, we recall Yen, the tiny Chinese acrobat who only gets to speak Mandarin and profanity. Yes. Half, like, a couple of my notes here are just, please translate the Mandarin, I'm

begging you. But... Yes. Yeah. He's gonna be a whale, like a big time rich gambler, and Matt Damon, wearing a large Serrano de Bergerac style prosthetic nose, is going to be his translator. And they're gonna recognize him. Yeah. And that's how they're gonna... because you can access the diamond room through the vents from the Super High Rollers villa. To be fair. To Cameron Diaz. Did you say his name again? you can access the diamond room through the vents from the Super High Rollers villa. And so they-

To be fair, right, to Cameron Diaz. Is that the same again? Yeah, Ellen Barkin. When they meet Cameron Diaz, she immediately calls the cops. Yeah, and that is smart, yeah. Quick instantly hits up the FBI about this. Yeah, yeah. So they meet her at the airport, and like like Matt Damon is posing as his communicator. And then he's like, Oh, Mr. Wang owns all the air south of Beijing.

It's like, okay, whatever. But the room with the diamonds in is so fucking difficult to access. It's like impossible to get into. There's one elevator, but like the only people who have access are Al Pacino and Ellen Bark. And so they have to like bri Pacino and Ellen Barkan,

and so they have to bribe or threaten... Oh yeah, they threaten a guard, that's it, they say... Because one of the guards... You're way out of sequence, you're way out of sequence. To be fair, we've missed a couple of things. There's like 50 things in this movie. So like, first thing they do is, Yen has to do some acrobatics, right? So like, they kind of like emotionally blackmail him into climbing up the lift shaft.

Mercifully, elevators lifts are very easy to CGI because they're just cubes, so we get some pretty convincing for the time thing of elevators shooting past the guy. As they do all of the setup for this, we get fucking Brad Pitt goes undercover as a seismologist? Yes, this is something we need to get up to. Because of the tunnel thing, they need to get in there and be like, you need to have an evacuation plan in case of earthquake, here is a big seismograph for you to keep in your office, and it's just like a huge like camcorder with seismograph written on the side. Please point this at you the whole time.

Two other facts that are related to Suzie as it at one point goes, oh I don't know how you could shut down the fucking like, grok or whatever unless you could walk a magnetron into that room. Second thing, Al Pacino being like, I need the new top of the line Samsung phone. RILEY Yeah, I want the new Samsung Note 5, I want that shit. ALICE They made one of one, like, ultra tier Samsung phones for this, for this movie. And yeah, it's cool. It's a gold plated with diamonds, it'd look awful.

Smart. Yeah, but you get a big scene of him being like, oh you gotta get me this phone, and his assistant Cameron Barkin is just like, I can't get you the phone. I can't get you the phone. And the payoff later on is that they give her a fake phone that's a seismograph or whatever. Yeah, it's got a magnetron. The other thing here is that we check in on Reuben, who is like, non-responsive, he's like catatonic, I don't know whether we're meant to, like, assume this is like a kind of cardiogenic stroke or whatever the fuck, but like, Basher is writing him like

these long heartfelt letters that he's not able to read, and we get Claire de Lune in a minor key, right? Because, if you remember, the first movie ended with all of these fuckers outside the fountain of the Bellagio while they're playing Claire de Lune, and so, that's the- they're playing your leitmotif in a minor key, you know? Like, to show that you're fucked up. Oh no, I would hate- yeah. If they play my leitmotif in a minor key, I am leaving the situation.

I don't care what's happening. I don't think- we've got a theme, like, if someone wants to transpose that into a minor key, then, y'know. TORNADO You can just have that on deck for when one of us dies? ALICE In loving memory. RILEY Yeah, we should get the guy who made this for us to begin with, just like, do sad versions. ALICE Just like, y'know, it's so sad that Devon died. Yeah, but it's all like, Viola, or whatever. Do we have a plan for what happens to the podcast if one of us dies?

I mean, I would like to be replaced, right? I would want you to keep going, possibly get a couple of people and call it like Kill James Bond, like, two, or four, whatever. Yeah, yeah. You know, after the spirit of Bond like two or four, whatever. After the spirit of this. No, no, no, like genuinely I would, I think any of the podcasts that I do I would like to be replaced seamlessly, you know? Like, I... I just, I just don't think that's possible. I want you to replace me with Daniel Craig.

Okay, sure. Yeah, we'll get it, we'll get in contact. I think that would be quite funny. Yeah, and then we'll force fem her afterwards. We can do this. I don't know if we can really, if the word force is even justified there, you know? Well, it's only force fem because she's a butch, obviously. Like, kinda like coaxing a woodland animal, you know?

What the fuck else happens in this movie? So the one guard, the one guard of the diamond room, Brad Pitt has this line there, because we gotta get this one guard out of the way. Oh, I have the line. I have the line. Um, fucking... Okay, the guard by the main elevator shaft has a little Hitler for his son. Real Riddle and Sniffer.

A real one-seat punch there. First of all, this guy's son is Hitler. Second thing, he sniffs Ritalin, which is not as far as I know how you take it, but like fine. So we see this guard, fucking Alois Hitler, or whatever, at his post, ahead of Ron Hitler, of the Las Vegas Hitlers. ALICE You shook Hitler's hand, and there's a code amongst guys who shook Hitler's hand. ALICE I guess that kind of literally was, was the problem.

It was very very bad. But there's like, so many plates spinning here, my notes are completely disjointed, some miscellaneous here, I've also got that when when they go to see Andy Garcia about this He is wearing what I described as a a pimp lab coat He is yeah So they call this guard George Clooney calls the guard and pretends to be the vice principal of the schools that your kids in trouble He bid a lunch lady and so that guy has to run out and and so Brad Pitt is like covering his shift Yeah, Brad Pitt just happens to be walking past him at the time, so he's like,

oh, can you please cover my shift for like 20 minutes, you're gonna really help me out, my son bit a teacher again. Because there's like lots of shots of like, my son Adolf, because there's lots of shots of Clooney and Pitt hanging out, there's one of them in like a mountain warehouse putting on big big jackets, and Vassal Cassell is there, and it's just very funny to like, that's a location to put this man in, you know, you can't take this man to Tarjay, you know? He's too French to be in a home to be back. Mountain warehouse, you know?

What might I say, nobody will be seated during the thrilling George Clooney and Brad Pitt watch Oprah scene? They cry! They get in touch with their feelings. Yeah, they do, they cry at Oprah. What the fuck is this? I don't know. This is what it means when people say there's no positive masculine role models anymore,

this is what the last serious attempt looked like, and it was two extremely handsome men being like, you should watch Oprah, I guess. They watch Oprah for five minutes and cry. RILEY Brad Pitt drops in on George Clooney, and he just happens to be watching Oprah at the time, and they both get caught up watching it and they tear up at a kid being given something. ALICE Yeah, you had to pay tax on all that shit that you want on Oprah, like you... RILEY I think this is correctly assuming that the

vast majority of the Oceans 13 and indeed the Vegas fandom are divorced men. So like, just being like, wow, a kid being happy, isn't that cool. I think it's an attempt to humanize them in their eyes, but I don't know. I really don't know. ALICE I describe this couple as baby girl multiple times across my notes here, because they do just be hanging out, right, like you could do, you know the, you remember the Serpico

fancam, right, you could do a vast amount of that for this, like... Yes. Yeah, for Danny Ocean X Rusty Ryan fancam actually would be AMV. I watched this movie and I genuinely was like, there's gotta be so much like, AO3 fan fiction of these two fucking each other, because they lean into it pretty heavily in this one, they're like, this is what people want, this is what people want to see, and this is the movie that we want to make, is one where the only time... Women?

Out of the picture, right? Pure homo-sociality, and particularly these two. And any time they're on screen together, it's like, it's that relationship. Stole the Faberge egg, but it also stole my heart. Mm. It really stole that one. Thank you, thank you so much. Professional writer.

So, we've still got this problem of we can't get in the fucking diamond room, because it's too impregnable, and so they say to Casino Dracula, they're like, do we have to steal the diamonds? What if we don't steal the diamonds? And he has this fun line where he says, do you have all your affairs in order, which I think is quite a fun thread. I have found 319 Danny Ocean X-Rosty mine suits on our house. That's way too low.

Get those numbers up. Get those numbers up now. RILEY Well it's the most popular ship, uh, well in advance of Danny Ocean slash Tess Ocean, for which there are only 44. Who's writing a fanfic about a cannon fucking ship? What are we doing here? ALICE Yeah, it's disgraceful. RILEY Lioness Caldwell slash Danny Ocean slash Rusty Ryan?

Oh my god. Ten of them? I gotta close this down. ALICE So we get the Steven Soderbergh split screen thing a bunch of times, because they're doing the soft opening of the casino. NICOLA Not yet. Because Matt Damon is like, I know how I can get into the Diamond Room. Which is by seducing...

ALICE Oh yeah, this is a great scene. NICOLA Ellen Barkan, who is not Cameron Diaz. Because she's a cougar. ALICE Yeah. And he's like, y'know, they have a conversation every time he's on screen about the fucking nose, right? The recurring joke is the nose plays, it's not just a prop for props sake, he's doing something with the nose, he's making an artistic decision, right?

I mean, it's a joke about acting in the movie with actors. ALICE And Matt Damon's like, I can seduce her and get inside the diamond room, and they say, give him an accelerator? ALICE They have to pretend that Matt Damon doesn't look like Matt Damon. So they're like, oh alright, well, I guess... RILEY Right, who'll ever fall in love with this hideous Matt Damon with a fake nose on?

ALICE They call it, but he's also wearing like a Jean-Saint suit. RILEY Which is, yeah, he's bold as well. ALICE Yeah, they're a little problematic, like the white boy wearing the mouse suit. RILEY It's like the reviewer from Ratatouille, actually. ALICE The Anton Ego fit? RILEY Yeah, yeah.

ALICE There's quite a dark line where they're gonna get him this chemical accelerant to make the seducing easier, this acrodexia. ALICE Did you catch what they call this, by the way? An accelerator, right? No, they call it the Gilroy. What's that? And they call it the Gilroy in a kind of troubling reference to Tony Gilroy, the guy who directs the Bourne movies, so it's like, if we can borrow Matt Damon for one phone call off your

set, we will make your name synonymous with smelling so good that a woman fucks you." Is he alleged, is he known to do that? The guy who directs the whole thing? I don't fucking know. I think it would be irresponsible for me to guess here, but he's probably a notorious sex pest. Pfft.

I don't think we can say that. Well I've heard it alleged. By you! Just now! And that doesn't count? I don't think we can say that. Well, I'm I've heard it alleged by you just now. And that doesn't count. You've heard discussion of this. Yeah, we're talking about it right now. If I was this guy, I would not want my name to be associated with this thing, which is essentially a kind of like roofy patch. Yes, genuine. I'm so glad you say that right. Because this is the thing, right? They describe it as like a pheromone's got pheromone-fucking-sense wafting off of it, right? We have no idea if human

sex pheromones exist, and you're in this weird space where the movie presents it like they do, and they're so effective that using them is kind of like date, right? Yes. Yeah. And they're so effective that using them is kind of like date, right? Like... Yeah. Should get out ahead of us and say, human sex hormones don't exist. No. All the stuff I have about the bimbification gas that's not actually real, that's just a fun part of a fantasy between consenting people and one person who wants to be force

famed. If there actually was some way to, like, vitiate someone's consent with a smell like that, like it would be unethical. And it is unethical. Which is also, it's very dark, the Don Tidler's get-to, and that, like, it would be unethical. And it is unethical. ALICE Which is also, it's very dark, that Don Tiedel is like, get two, and they're like, no, you don't need it, no. RILEY Yeah, like, I can imagine what two would do, I mean, we'll get to the scene, but this woman becomes so horny she becomes stupid.

ALICE She can't walk. RILEY It's actually kind of hard to watch in some moments. ALICE I'm glad that they don't have sex, because like, that would be rape. It would be, yeah, a spike of shit. It is problematic. Alright, my next note just says the dice look delicious.

In my defense, there's a lot of shots of them wrapping these very clear, very green dice in gold foil, and then unwrapping them, and I'm just... I have a very sensory response to that, I guess. LORRAINE We need to come up with something for Bernie Mac to do. ALICE I forgot he was in this! LIAM Oh, fuck he is, isn't he? LORRAINE Yeah, so there's a movie. Cause they go to the gaming expo, which like, nobody's wearing caddies, first of all, what are you doing? And Bernie Mac has invented Casino Dominoes, and wants to get it into Al Pacino's casino because of reasons. And then they do this whole thing where like Terry Benedict,

casino draculas, is like, I want casino dominoes in my casino. And Al Pacino is like, no, I will put you in my casino on opening night. So you're gonna be in the movie, Bernie Mac. Not entirely clear what he does in this heist, but he's there. It's just like another machine that will pay out a lot, I suppose.

I guess. Yeah. But like, it's nothing at all. Danny Ocean has somehow convinced all of the high rollers to leave and not be in the hotel anymore. So the night of the grand opening comes and they have a sumo match, and all the high rollers are sitting with Danny Ocean on the opposite side of the room to Al Pacino, and Al Pacino's like, fuck, what are you doing? Why did you make them all leave and then bring them all back?

What are you doing, man? ALICE The casino is an interesting kind of pan-Asian experience, right, because when the real reviewer is being tormented, one of the things they arrange for him to do is not be able to get a table at the restaurant. Which is described as Cantonese-inspired szechuan flavors. And then you got like a sumo tournament, and then Cameron Diaz refers to like the Asian high roller villas as well, and it's like, this is... I mean, not to suggest that actual Las Vegas is like a paragon of cultural sensitivity or anything, but like, hm.

Yeah, still. Oh, there's also a bunch of shit about shafts. I just mentioned it because I have the drops. These are the shafts we have to clap an eyeball on. Now there's still no way of knowing the thickness of... And... Do you think thicker than five inches would be our problem? I'm saying this. This is not important. It's just, it's filler. It's absolutely filler.

You could cut, like, I think, an hour out of this movie, basically. Oh, effortlessly. Here's some more filler. The whole, um, hotel reviewer guy thing. So he gets given a room that isn't very good, they release a stinky gas into his room. They hit him with a gas! We love a gas! They hit him with a gas, love to see a gas.

I am for a gas in a heist. One of my favorite states of matter. Yeah, absolutely. And then they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like,

they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're good, they release a stinky gas into his room. They hit him with a gas. They hit him with a gas, love to see a gas. I am for a gas in my life. One of my favorite states of matter. Yeah, absolutely. Top three, easily.

Doing gas merch, where it's just like, gas, it's a state of matter. Yeah. Yeah, if you want us to do gas merch, actually do, let me know, because that's very funny. Welcome to scenic gas, it's uh... Yeah. Yeah. They put bed bugs in his bed, they give him a rash. The security guards natural enemy.

Gas! Or throwing knives, you know, they're weak to do things. Yeah, hate when there is a gas, but when there's no gas at all, that's a problem as well. You want there to be some gas. Live by the gas, die by the gas. So they gas him up, they give him bedb bugs, all the staff are rude to him because they bribe them, at one point- They basically gang stalk this man.

They do, yeah, it's funny. They do. The Mormon brothers, they throw him out of the casino, they blame the stench on him and like, ask him to leave? Yeah. Yeah, they're like, they kick him out, they're so mean to him, and they're like sprinting around the casino this whole time, they just arrive at his door and are like, get the fuck out.

Fucking proletarian solidarity, these are the guys doing all the running work, they're the guys doing all the labor. These guys better organize DSA Oceans 11 after this. The other thing is, Saul is getting pampered because they think he's the real reviewer and then at the end of this he like goes past Al Pacino who he's like met and he's like tried to like you know bust him up a bit and he's and he like slaps his ass. Yeah he groves him. Yeah and like gives him a thumbs up and it's like I think at that moment oh okay you've planted the fucking like magnetron or whatever on him. No. For no reason. To just be like, sexually assault the object of your

heist. I mean, maybe this is the revenge, right? Maybe this is, I'm gonna get close to Bank and I don't care if it gets messy, he's just gonna grope him, but that's like, not moral, you know? Yeah. There's something very nearly goes wrong. So Livingston's job was to sabotage the Blackjack machines, and the cops arrive and they arrest him and expose him to Al Pacino, and like, he's tampered with the machines, you've gotta swap all the machines out, and we think, oh no, the Blackjack sabotage has gone wrong, but then it's Suzy Izzard switching out the machines, right, so okay, that actually went to plan. But, Al Pacino is too clever for them because

they're like, Oh, get his fingerprints off the machine, find out his identity and all of his known associates. And they're like, Oh shit, like he's too good. Don Cheadle has to save the day. Oh shit, that's all of us. Yeah. This is the movie like sucking itself off big time and that it does a bunch of accent jokes here. When he gets the call to do this, he's got a voice training book by his laptop, which I think is kind of funny. And then they

give him a second chance at an accent, he gets to do an American one, in character this time. Because his job is literally to just be as a... go into Pacino's office, and like a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, just go to an NPC, be as annoying as possible, do bits until you run out of things to say. Yeah. Because he's gotta distract him from looking at the screen, he's disguised himself as the stunt motorcyclist that they have for the opening night or whatever. They distract the stunt driver by getting two sex workers to like fuck him in his trailer,

and chuck his big American flag outfit out of the window so Don Cheadle can put it on and disguise himself as the stunt driver. So he's like distracting Al Pacino whilst the Mormon brothers are hacking his computer in the background and changing the pictures and names of the criminal associates. So they keep getting away with it. There's an inexplicable kind of connection of these, like Walt Disney's last words being Kurt Russell, I just, because of this, I don't have it as a drop, but there exists in the world audio of Al Pacino saying Travis Pastrana,

and I'm just like... Okay, cool. This works, by the way, the Mormon brothers are bickering throughout. They have great, like, you wouldn't call it chemistry, brother chemistry. Fraternal chemistry. It's almost impossible to write realistic brothers, and again, they really are nailing it with this. Which I like a lot.

I like it, it's good. Yeah, it's great. Rusty primes the slot machines that they've hacked, so that the next lady who uses it wins $30 million, and the supercomputer analyzes it and it's like, oh, it's a genuine win, like, her pupils have dilated it, she's like, really really one. ALICE She doesn't know. They call this scam the Susan B. Anthony, by the way. Fuck knows why, I don't care. SONIA Which is what?

ALICE I don't care. SONIA Bizarre. ALICE Like I said, this movie is very very pleased with itself, like the same with the roulette thing which is like, oh it's gonna pay out on three numbers and the guy bets 11, 12, 13. And it's like, okay. Yeah, great, fantastic. I do kind of like that for the first time in a casino heist movie they get to heist

the actual casino games. It is nice, yeah. So the way this works is Pacino goes to check on the fucking GROK AI, right, and be like, is this using enough water? And the second he walks in, it's like, thing shuts down, doors sealed, phones cut off. Yeah. Cause he's got the fake phone with the magnetron in it. Yeah.

And he's taking it straight down there. Cavity magnetron is us. It's the second the lass wins that game, like like he goes down there to see what the fuck's going on and that shuts everything off. Andy Garcia is watching this and this is when he makes the noise, and I have the noise in context. Yes. This is really pleasing.

Big big fan of that, thank you Andy Garcia. So with the Greco shut off, they've got three and a half minutes to like, everybody place your bets! Ka-ching! My notes say remember everybody, gambling is fun and it's very easy to win. Yeah, if you recall the original Ocean's Eleven, right, one of the things that they did was, they cut the power, and it was a more cynical movie about people in this respect.

People are like, it looks like Event Horizon there, people are biting each other's thumbs off trying to get like handfuls of chips. Whereas here, there's like two kind of foreshock earthquakes and the thing kind of shuts down, everybody starts winning, and the casino, like, regresses to a kind of like pre-debt rudimentary communism situation. Yeah. Um, which is, uh, nice, I guess? That happens.

Everybody starts winning every game. Yeah. We get this big montage of like, isn't gambling fun? Gambling, gambling. You know? It would, I bet it would feel so good to win. But I gotta say, I think it'd feel awful to lose. That's true.

And it seems like that happens more often, so. The thing finally reboots, we get a great shot of Pacino running down a hallway old man style. Don't ask him to do that. Don't ask an old man to run. He can't, his hips won't do it. He sort of, he waddles like a bird. Yes, it's like I'm saying, the hard cut off for running was like three years after this.

This is a very intermediate machine. Yeah. But, so, while Cameron Diaz is fucking Matt Damon, the FBI- Not fucking him, crucially. The FBI come in, and they're like, this guy, that's fucking Matt Damon, he was in the born identity, he was raised by fishermen, he's wearing like- Yeah, this guy needs to get back to London right now, he's needed on set. He's in a different set, yeah.

He's wearing like a body harness full of diamonds, it's like, sick as hell, he's getting arrested. And she kind of like realizes, she like, sobers up in that moment, because, you know, the pheromones. And she's like, oh, fuck. Pheromones. And she's like, oh fuck. ALICE Yeah, pheromones don't affect the cops, which is interesting. ALICE Just a bunch of horny FBI agents, actually hold on, I'm like, you know, putting a whole ...

RILEY The FBI's just come in like, oh I wanna fuck this guy. Put a little... No, no. ALICE It's probably a good thing that it doesn't, as well. RILEY Yes, I was, it is fun to see Ellen Barkin be like, her character going from like, this is crazy, it's like, wow, what I've just been caught, and then like, oh, I'm ruined.

Oh, I'm not working on this time again. Yeah, this is the losing end. This is crazy. Oh, shit. I'm over. It's done for me. It's like, oh, my life is over. Yeah. I'm over. It's done for me. It's like, oh, my life is over. Just like, penciling in on my Samsung phone, with a calendar

with like a numpad, and I'm like, I can kill myself. Cancels every other. It's a good thing that the cops don't get horny though, because of course the cop that arrests him is Matt Damon's dad. Yeah, there's a bit earlier where Don Cheadle does the line where it's like, you don't do the same gag twice, and then they do the same gag twice, which is the gag, right? RILEY And it's the gag I complained about not being able to predict last time, and you still can't predict it this time.

I guess they did it before, so you should... ALICE You should just, yeah, assume that nothing... RILEY But yeah, no, it's his dad. ALICE I mean, basically I do. Like, this is my problem with the movie, is that like, everything that happens, I go, well nothing bad can happen to these guys. Right? Nothing that sticks, because it's not that kind of movie.

So, of course his dad gets him out of the thing, and then, Vaso Casel- Yeah, the Night Fox is there also. The Night Fox, supply chain issues with the little Night Fox statuettes, but what he is wearing is he's up against a stained glass wall. The factory in Mexico that makes his little Night Fox statuettes, but what he is wearing is he's up against a stained glass wall. RILEY The factory in Mexico that makes his little Night Fox statuettes has been unionized right now. He's like, shit! ALICE He's up against a stained glass wall, and

he's wearing a real Metal Gear Solid 3, like, specific stained glass wall camouflage? RILEY Yes he is, yeah. ALICE I really like this. This is so fucking stupid, I really like this as a decision. He does! Cool. So they escape to the roof with the real diamonds, at which point Nightfox appears with a gun, which is the best gadget.

Yep. This is very close to 007. Yeah, and Matt Davies, he was like, what the fuck, man? He goes, a gun? What the fuck? It creates, like, a large hole through someone's organs. A portable hole.

Yeah. I set up this gun early on. And he fucking mugs them. He mugs them for the diamonds and then just like base jumps off the top of the roof, which I think is pretty sick. RILEY Yeah, that is sick. ALICE And then you go, okay, but they switched the diamonds early because nothing bad can happen to these guys.

And you're right! Like, of course! Yeah, but the thing, and what it is revealed is that they didn't swap the diamonds, like, those were the fake diamonds that he had gone in to swap. And the real ones are still in the thing. Because they knew that the Night Fox would... Because they read the script before the scene happened. Then, because of Yen's fucking vent climbing bullshit and having planted some explosives,

they get a helicopter- I wanna- I do think that Linus plants the explosives. He does. Yeah, he does. He does. Well, he plants one set, Yen plants the other. That's true, yes. And then they use a helicopter to take the whole enclosure out, and Azpachino's like-

because they trigger the earthquake, people are fleeing with their winnings, which I'm not sure how that works. NICCOLE- Yeah, so, just to pause, when you win in a casino, you win chips, you have to go to the little window and cash them out. So they hit the, they wiggle the building and it's an earthquake evacuation, and everyone walks out with that, yeah. How do they cash them out? ALICE- The world's fastest cashiers.

NICOLAS Red Skeleton is there? ALICE Yeah, yeah. NICOLAS Yeah, yeah. ALICE Yeah, Red Skeleton is doing the, yes, I suppose. NICOLAS They get out the top, and it's, you know, Linus' father comes and picks him up, they get to a roof, and Red Skeleton's there, he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, hand over those diamonds, pal. ALICE Wasn't expecting that, sort of like eight, like 89th minute red skeleton.

I'm obsessed with red skeleton. I think it's my favorite before like on the like before the buzzer. Yeah. So Al Pacino sees the helicopter leaving with his diamonds and he just very softly goes my diamonds, which I, which I read it. Me and the window shows up in Balladry. My diamonds. I feel like Al Pacino could very easily say we had a computer problem and all bets between this time and this time will not be on it. That was a fucking earthquake, it's force

majeure. I guess the point of them leaving is that they've taken the money out already, but like, again, how are they cashing that? They're not cashing it on the way out while they're evacuating, like, you're not going via the concierge. He's lost 500 million in chips, but then- Not my chips! But like, Danny Ocean has to confront him face to face again, I mean, this guy's gonna fucking hunt you down Ocean's 14 style, right? And he says that as well, he's just like, fine, I'm just gonna kill you.

I'm gonna Ocean's 14 your ass, like, it's over. And Danny Ocean's just goes, no, you won't. You're not going to kill me because everyone likes me. I'm George Clooney. He defeats him with the power of smugness. And that's two for two because he did that to Cassell as well. He just, he just goes, I'm George Clooney. I look like George Clooney. Everybody likes me. And he says, I know all the people who you would hire to kill me and they're not gonna kill me because they like me more than you. And it's like, I dunno, you could find somebody who just wants money, you could find someone new, you could get some new assassin talent, some new blood. I don't wanna be rude to you, brother.

You hadn't even heard of the most successful thief in Europe up until this point. I don't think that you know everyone that he could possibly hire to kill you. But he goes like, you're not gonna do it, cause you shook hands with Frank Sinatra and that is like, there's Bushido going on here. ALICE Yeah, he's like, fucking like, wise up. Ring a ding. ZOE He also says, you're not gonna go to the cops, because let's face it, you're not gonna go to the cops, and I'm like, why not?

ALICE Write yourself into the corner and then just kind of like, move paper. RILEY You won't go to the cops. Movies over. ZOE Maybe you will. ALICE You know how I know you're not gonna go to the cops? Cause you-

Because the movie ends in about two seconds time and I didn't write you go to the Cops. Yeah. It's the fucking, what was the reboot movie, um, oh god. The, oh shit, the like, Rainbow Six ass movie that we covered a little bit ago. The one with Michael B Jordan? Like, No Regrets or some shit like that, right? Yeah. Yeah, you might be right, yeah.

Yeah. It's exactly like that. It's like, it's definitely not called that. It's... Oh my, this is gonna annoy the hell out of me. With Michael B. Jordan. With Michael B. Jordan. The, the, the, the, the...

No remorse. Clark, John Clark. No, without remorse. Without remorse. Without remorse! Okay. I was pretty close with no mercy. Yeah. But it's the same thing, it's like, you wrote all of this already, so it's not clever, but

it works out for you because you wrote it so it works out. Like, no one's impressed. Mm-hmm. But also Ruben's here, we forgot to mention if Ruben got better he's fine. Ruben got better, he read all of Kibashatar's heartfelt letters to him. He read all 300 of those fanfics and then was like, I can't stay in the room for three days, I'm gonna kill myself, I need to go in. I think reading 300 fanfics would probably like, make you better, if not they would get you out of a hospital bed.

That's why I'm so normal, but what does, can someone tell me what Bernie Mac does for the heist? How does Bernie Mac help? He does like, two bits, inthe-coast of the whole movie. But how does Bernie Mac being in this movie facilitate money being made? Like why-? Well, it facilitates money being made by Bernie Mac. That's true.

He heisted the fuck out of us. Yeah. Um. Yeah, no, he doesn't really have a key part to play in the heist. Yeah, if the Domino Table wasn't there, how would this have been held? I don't know. Anyway, everybody watches the fireworks and listens to Frank Sinatra. They do. It's not Frank Sinatra. It's now that time of day. I have set apart for Debussy. It's Claire de Lune again. It's not. It's Sinatra. Is it? Yeah. You've Mandela refuted yourself said this town is a dude you town and, and dyke-you-downtown. Yeah, that is...

Okay, well they do Claire de Lune first. They do Claire de Lune first. Because they go to some other bullshit fountains, and they're like, they do the like, the times have changed or whatever, but like, you know, the found family is forever, and we, you know, we hope that you've been on a real emotional journey with Ocean's 11, 12, 13. Yeah, we won't be making another Royal Board. They fuck over Terry Benedict as well, by the way, they donate his portion of the take to charity in his name.

Yeah, and the real reviewer is like, they do the Susan B. Anthony to him, and win him like, 11 million dollars in the airport. Which is a callback to set up, to, yeah. Yeah. Cause bad things don't actually happen, like, the guy's fine. Yeah, they rig a slot machine so that he wins, so they put him through hell, but then he wins 11 million dollars on the slot machine. They do have a debate earlier on where they're like, would you get gang stalked for $10 million, which is why it's 11, because Saul goes, yeah, I wouldn't get gang stalked for $10 million, but I would get gang stalked for $11 million.

Which is, like, okay. I don't know what my cutoff is. I think that this is where- Well being trans at Britain means you're being gang stalked all the time no matter what. Exactly. That's true. And I don't have any millions of dollars. That's true. I mean, one at this point, like, I would set off a one, but like...

The final moment is Matt Damon, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt are in the airport. Matt Damon says, I've got to go, I'm famous now, I have to go and make Bourne movies forever, goodbye. Brad Pitt says goodbye to George Clooney and then George Clooney has this line, which has become incredibly fucking dark. In retrospect it's so fucking bleak. The last thing Danny Ocean says to Rusty Ryan is, you should settle down, have a couple kids, and it's like, FFFF- OOOOOO-

Don't beat them though, don't beat them, allegedly. Don't- don't- hit your kids, Rad them, allegedly! Don't... Don't... Hit your kids, Radbit, allegedly! That's... Mmmmm... Yeah, that's pretty fucking dark. It's unfortunate. Yeah, don't do it.

The thing, just to circle back about the, like, getting gang-storched for $11 million thing, because I think that's the best way to talk about the script writing for this movie, right? Because so much of it is just, like, you feel played because you heard something an hour ago that it's now calling back to. So they mention that in passing, and then they fulfill it at the end of the movie when the guy gets paid off. And I think you're supposed to feel charmed by that.

I think you're supposed to be like, yeah, this is fucking sick, the movie has tricked me, it's outwitted me, I feel like conned in a good way, like gambling, kind of. And it's just like, well not really, though, because, I mean, maybe this is the same thing as gambling in the sense that it's a very controlled environment, but like, there's no element of chance to this. There's no, it's just, you've set up a thing and it's just, like, it's masturbatory, right? Like, it's just like these guys jerking themselves off.

It's... There's no other, like, kind of... There's no variables involved in it. So it's just kind of like, much like in the previous one where it's like, oh, none of that stuff mattered, it's like, well I know none of this stuff matters, right? Because you're not, sort of like, the only sort of code you're following that would allow me to intuit that is some shit about what you think Frank Sinatra would have done. Which was, I dunno, fucking kill Marilyn Monroe.

I don't really care what he would have done. And you're wrong, also, about what Frank Sinatra... You're wrong about Frank Sinatra as well. Yeah, I dunno. Not a great movie. Not a great series of movies. Didn't really have fun. No. Didn't really enjoy them.

There were bits where I was kind of charmed, I like watching Clooney, it's kind of, that hits the like, beautiful face huge thing. Bit, like you got to mention, is the critic sees the bugs, the bed bugs in his room, when he puts on a pair of Spy Kids 3 style glasses. He does, yeah. I did like the fact that he has literal critical lenses. I think that's cool. That's quite a trick, yeah.

Other than that, yeah. I'd watch a movie that was just the two Mormon twins doing shit. Yeah. I like, those are the only guys I really care about. Two Mormon twins, AO3, tack. Two brothers. Answer me that. That's insects.

I hope not. ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you?

ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you?

ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren't you? ALICE, you're a big fan of the show, aren same writers? Clune, as far as I know, yeah. It's ten years later as well, I think this was 2017, The Ocean's Eight came out. Oh, so deep in the real culture war stuff. Yeah, no, that's gonna be interesting. I wonder if it's gonna be a bit like the Charlie's Angels reboot, then.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking, I think it will be something akin to that. I'm interested. I'm kind of curious. Yeah. I just wait for us to do Ghostbusters, it's serious, Christ. Okay well. One good movie in that whole thing. Two, two.

I mean, like, there's been three of these so far, we're almost at the end of them, and I'm feeling kind of nothing. Like I've had fun, but it's mostly just from, as with the movies, right? The real lesson of the movies is hanging out with your friends. That's, that's it. We're all going to watch Oprah and like drink some red wine and cry. Yeah, it hasn't really given me a rubric through which to analyze heist movies, which I think was what we wanted from, from this opening like series, right? Yeah. It was, it was going to be like a tent pole thing and it heisted that out from under

us, you know? SONIA I think it has! I think it has, in that it's presented like, heisting as a homosocial activity. And I'm very interested to go to the final film in the series and see how that can be challenged and reworked. ALICE Yeah, it's a kind of... there is a difference from a lot of other heist movies in the sense that I think that, like, the kind of masculinity that it's relying on to be like... because like, all of this stuff, or any kind of masculine hero, is like, it has some kind of...

you have some kind of character traits, or traits that are exceptional, right? And in this case, it's not that you're more audacious necessarily, it's not even that you're smarter, because a lot of this stuff just doesn't come out because they plan it, or even because the script plans it. It's just that you're kind of smug. You're just confident. It's a confidence trick in that way. And I don't know that that's a necessarily representative thing, but it's definitely like a useful subset of heist movies to be like, this is a kind of like, supreme masculine

confidence, also American, also white, to be like, I'm gonna sit in my house in Lake Como, in my actual house, knock it off my sofa, in a scene about how I am like, the greatest thief in the world. Is... yeah. Yeah. Cool. Cool man. Thanks man.

I do feel that it has sort of set me free as a writer, because something that I worry about a lot when I'm writing is like, is this too self-indulgent, is it too pleased with itself, am I condescending to my audience? And now I see that like, oh, you can fully do that, and just make like, 100 million dollars? So I'm like, great, I'm just gonna write whatever the fuck I want, you can come. ALICE I'm also white banging on the inside of the car window. Um.

Like, no. NOOO! You can only do that if you're a man! Yeah, yeah, yeah! We've been critiquing that! You're supposed to destroy the script, Price. Yeah, but we don't have to be subjective about this, because... We certainly don't.

We have a science-based system. It stands for SMAM. Cultural Insensitivity, Unprovoked Violence, and Misogyny. I'm sick of unprovoked violence saving these movies and I think that's going to be a recurring thing. It's happening again because there's no unprovoked violence, not hugely. How smarmy is this movie? And I think I got to say this is one of the worst we've ever done.

This is the worst one. This is easily the worst one. Ten! Yeah, I'll do ten. The last one was nine and it's smarmyer than that, so you know, it's got to be ten. Yeah. Or perhaps eleven. No, because ten is the hard cap. We must maintain a hard barrier at ten, otherwise it gets insane.

Cultural insensitivity. Cultural insensitivity. Again, it gets very Asian-focused with the casinos, but also I believe that the casinos in Las Vegas are that racist. That's true. The Mexico subplot, I kind of both hate and love, in and of itself. It is genuinely funny. TANVI Yes.

ALICE But it is also, like, the Mexico that it constructs, while it doesn't have a big yellow filter over it, is... TANVI A little bit. ALICE A little bit. TANVI Yeah, it's only got a little one. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Well, you gotta think about it, it's like, all that they had to do for that part of the

movie was make it so that the dice factory, like, was making... Just like, get into the dice factory somehow, and like, sabotage it. The fact that it's in Mexico, the whole unionization thing, that was not necessary for the movie, they made that choice. And I don't know, it's an interesting choice to have made, certainly. LARISSA I feel like part of the joke is ha ha Mexico. ALICE Yeah it is. Yeah. And like, on the one hand it's like, dependent on like, kind of reducing Mexico to a kind of extractive labor colony of the

United States, but that's also one of the things that Mexico is. And it's like- You as a white person can go to Mexico and be like, you have forgotten the spirit of Zapata, and like, fire the wall up or something like that. You can't, don't do that. There is an aspect of kind of like, subsuming critique here as well, in that like, there's a reveal that we didn't really talk about that I kind of wanted to.

Where they're in the hotel room and they're like, well what's the holdup with this strike? And they've been talking about stealing like, you know, $500 million or whatever. And it's kind of revealed that the stakes of the strike are like $3.50 a week, and that's a lot of money to them. And this is kind of just dropped there, and that's an interesting thing to leave in the last movie of your trilogy, to be like, oh you guys are assholes, like, there's a kind of class struggle at work here. And it kind of gestures towards that, it doesn't really like, you know, obviously I'm not mad

at it for not being like, Soy Cuba or whatever, but like, I don't know, it's a curious thing to acknowledge, and I think that's really like... It's not culturally insensitive in itself, but it is... It's not culturally insensitive in itself, but it is... it's problematic. I feel like it's worse than the last one, I feel like part of the joke being it's Mexico is worse than the last one. We do have the yellow filter. The mustaches. The mustaches.

Not hugely, I mean I am a fan of there's a part of mustache, but I'm not a fan of it being like, that's your Mexican cover. Yeah. And weaponizing it. Yeah. Three weaponizing it. Yeah. Three? Four? I mean, Mr. Wang owns all the air south of Beijing.

Four. Four. Four, yeah. Mm-hmm. I am really sick of the untranslated Mandarin thing, although they do... Oh yeah, let me get into this, because the point of that is always to hit the punchline where he says shit in English. And you have made the determination at some point that that's a better punchline than

giving this guy a character. Yeah. Yes. That's true. And it isn't. There is an implicit thing that is kind of funny, which suggests that Bernie Mac is the only one of them who doesn't speak Mandarin, who isn't like, bilingual English Mandarin. That's funny.

Which is, I kind of appreciate that. Anyway. Yeah. Four. Unprovoked violence? Unprovoked violence is like, zero. There is none. Like, I...

They don't, yeah. Even the guys that they fuck over, they give them like, three million dollars at the end of the movie or whatever, and it's all forgiven. You've wasted Dad Hitler's time, but like, it's not violence to waste somebody's time, and even the most- They actually refuse to commit murder. Yeah. They kind of mull it, but it's like, provoked at that point.

Yeah, the Night Fox red skeleton pulls out a gun at the end, and it's treated as if it's cheating. It's also revealed to be unloaded. Well, yeah, indeed, and the gun turns out to not even be loaded. ALICE Conversely, Soul does grope Al Pacino for no reason, and, like, just out of nowhere, and that's violence. RILEY That's true. It does just assault him. ALICE That's violence.

It's unprovoked sexual violence. RILEY It's portrayed as a joke as well. ALICE Yeah. RILEY Whatever. Okay, give it one, then, but't, there's no way it's any... It's a strange throw at joke. Misogyny, I mean, like, we immediately go, women? Fuck em, not in this movie.

We traded them in. We traded into, like, uh, sort of like, female actors for, like, one female actor in like a kind of like, larger role, but like, as a kind of villainess. And it's like, if you're gonna make that explicit and transactional, and it basically is, that scene goes, yeah, these two women are not in this, this woman is, and it's like, man... Okay. And she is there to be seduced, nobody comments on the fact that the manner in which she is seduced is incredibly fucking violating, and like, probably quite seriously very criminal, even more criminal than like, stealing the high slice. Yeah, one might call it, uh...

Highly illegal. Yeah. It's like, you know, pretty fucking rapey. I'm glad that she doesn't have sex with Matt Damon, but even then, like, they're kissing and touching and stuff, and I'm like, that's still pretty... that's pretty fucking bad. ALICE No, she gets humiliated. ALICE She does, and Basher wants the kind of like, roofie patch for himself and this is played as a joke.

ALICE Yeah. ALICE That's pretty fucking dark, actually. I think it's worse than the last one, and the last one was a four. RILEY Yeah, the presence of the roofie-ing like, patch is crazy as a thing to throw in. SONIA I think that bumps it up. ALICE They just kind of use instrumentally a couple of unnamed hot women as, uh, sort of like distractions, and they give them some dialogue,

but it's so clearly like, ah, give them some dialogue, you know? And just kind of like, make them seem like we're not just doing misogyny here by being like, uh, y'know, this guy gets in the trailer with a couple of hot girls, and it's like, this is... it's gross. Y'know? Yeah. It's also, like, as a female actor, it's boring. I'm like, what role would I want to play here? And the answer is I wouldn't particularly want to play any of them, it would be fun to play Abigail if only for the name, but even then I'm just like, really? She's being like date rape seduced.

That's what you're doing with your main female character is she's humiliated and this is played as a joke. She's violated and this is played as a joke. I think it's worse than the last one. The last one was a four. I think they sort of tried to justify it as well. Cause they're like, they introduced this woman being misogynistic herself with like, firing the models who serve for being four pounds overweight or whatever,

like I don't like it. I don't like it at all. No, I think it's like, at least a five. You know? Yeah. I could go as high as six, I'm just, yeah. I'm just quite disgusted by that. I'm on the borderline, I think this is a five, but it's a high five.

Okay. Okay. High five! High five. Alright, that gives it a total score of, my pen is running out of ink, but gives it a total score of twenty. Which makes it the worst one so far. I agree. I think that tracks.

Yeah, no it does. Do you wanna hear the most insane cast list ever, by the way? These are the eight women of Ocean's Age. Yes, I'm looking forward to this. Sandra. Sandra Bullock, classic, of course. Love her. Kate Blanchett, hell yeah. Yeah, I love her. Anne Hathaway. You have to go, guys. I'm gonna stop reacting to these now. Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Aquafina, Rihanna, and Helena Bonham Carter.

Oh, what an insane fucking list! Whiped it in the end! Oh no! Oh, I don't wanna watch it now! I'm excited to see Rihanna in another movie after Battleship, which is a real, like, cinematic experience. 2018! How have I not bought a- Really?! Uh huh. What else has Aquafina been in? She was still around, yeah.

What else has Aquafina been in? It's a real, like, kind of, Sinetou-nerd-al question. Not good. It's not good, I'll say that, I'm looking at these now. I'm not looking forward to that now. Ah, fuck. Well, Ocean's 8 is the next one, where we're getting really into the, like, we've had the kind of insincere, you know, watch Oprah and get in touch with her feelings and still be pretty

misogynistic era. We're now about to get into insincere for girls. RILEY Yeah. ALICE I can't fucking wait. RILEY I can't wait to hear everything that girls can do. It's gonna be so good. SONIA They can manufacture it in pastel colors for the ladies. ALICE I think this is gonna be the most interesting one yet, so please stay tuned for that.

NICOLA And they're all cis? Bullshit. ALICE Uh huh. NICOLA Yeah, right! ALICE You're telling me you named eight women and they were all cis? This is, if nothing else, statistically improbable. NICOLA Yeah.

And straight? I guess we'll see in the movie. ALICE Mmm. Meantime, we have a Patreon, you can subscribe to it. The next bonus episode... RILEY The next bonus episode is TBD. There's two that it might be depending on how the guests schedule. We're very excited, though!

ALICE Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, with all the discussion of pheromones and stuff, I was like, y'know, maybe we just pivot to smell from now on. But, uh... RILEY Now that is a bad decision for an online content. We're gonna pivot to smell. ALICE Smell James Bond. RILEY Ew.

I don't think I want to. ALICE Horrible. It's not like an ashtray, someone's dumped a bunch of vodka into. Yeah. ALICE But yeah, we will have a bonus episode. If it's one thing we'll be very excited, if it's another thing we'll be also excited, please subscribe, listen to all of our other stuff, and we will see you next time. Bye everyone.

Bye! Bye. So he says they want their bread, and they want their roses too. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. I think you've heard everything that you need to hear, so we'll just get right into it. Thank you to our £15 and above patrons, and those are Thank you. Nice. K-token. Gillian Owen. Forest L. Novell.

Molly Powerslide. Rumble is blue. Blondage. Claire. Lenina Skaog. Mae Victoria Roth. The Project Project. Lady Hound's Tooth.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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is stealing a podcast, Hell, Steve Widdishan's Akira, Ropatrik, IsopodGal, Lady Arianne, VioletCyber, Noblesse Oblihy, Wolscott, Claire Voyantz, Bronin, Casquatch, John2089, Julia, Coke, Clarification, Senche, Alex, we have Frank Sinatra at home, Liz and Ash in Florida, it's very hot. Uh, sure is pal. Wolfie is normal, Al Irwin, Cariad, Philippa Smith, Finn Ross, Robert Greensmith, Loz Pycock going it's slash it's for the bit. Katarina, Pandora, Hex, Abigail, Mistress Angela, Ailas,

Misidentified Lemon, Talking of Tiger, Cassandra, Emily, Queen of Sloths, Lauren Bast and Charlotte with a D, Zoe Shepard, Josh Simmons, Maz and Terf's eat shit and die alone. 100 names, $100! I guess $15 times $100. $1500! So that all weighs... $375!

Kill Juggsborne is November, Abigail and Devon. Our producer is the wonderful Mr Neighbour's AR Podcast. Our art is by John DeLuca. And our website is by Tom Allen. See ya!