Kitbag Conversations - Absolute Grubbery #2

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

Cody Talks about the worst houses he has cleaned up, Dingo goes to Vietnam, and Matt has to fight for his life.

I'm not drinking beer, eating peanuts by the bar. Now I was pretty desperate, and I knew she had a car She said her name was David, she was a friend of Jenny Craigs She had boobs like watermelons, a pretzine rotten eggs I know you're hungry, I can see it in your eyes Cause you're looking at me like I'm a son of a fives I wanna take your shoviets, that's my place This world, my baby, gravin' all over your face Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh

Do you have do you have that smut novel you've been writing with AI? Yeah, let me find chapter seven Well You have seven chapters. Well, to be honest, I just randomly create a chapter. I mean, I still haven't replaced the love interest. It's still dead as a Liseur, I think. But it's the book is called Vale of the Seat. How cool is that? And chapter seven called Desert Knights. I read it. I read it. I'm going

to terrible reading boys too, blah, blah, blah. So, all right, chapter 7, Desert Knights, the move hung low over the endless expanse of the desert, casting a silver glow that painted the genes in ethereal cues. All called S2, FAA, Col. Moved silently through the night. His footsteps mask by the shifting stands. His mission had brought him to a remote oasis and this sort of admits the arid landscape, a grimid beating point for arms dealers

with connections to a volatile faction. As he reached the edge of the oasis, all caught on S2's keen eyes, caught a glint, a torchlight flickering within a makeshift tent. As he reached the edge of the oasis, Orkon Estus Keenai's quarter-glynt, a torchlight flickering within a makeshift tent. What was this going? Just leaping into the shadows, he watches figures huddle around the load table, maps and documents spread out for them.

His instincts told him he was close to uncovering a piece of the puzzle which had eluded him for weeks. With practice grace, Orkon Estus dondonder tunic, adorned with intricate patterns that marked him as a local nomad. A rapper fabric concealed a hidden blade, a reassuring presence against his skin. This is hot. The windwism at secret as he approached the tent. His sense is alert to any hint of danger.

Turing aside the tent flat, all corners to entered with a quiet assurance of man accustomed to the clandestine. Eyes flickered in his direction, wearing and calculating his left, as he let the fabric fall back into place. He let his gaze sweep the room, lingering on faces etched with the years of intrigue,

and then his eyes locked onto her. Leaning against a lady cushion, her dark skating, like a waterfall of silk, was lizard. A woman known equally for her beauty and her connections to the shadows. Her arm and shaped eyes met him, and a ghost of a smile played at the corners of a lips or corner stews hot quickens for a new that a presence met a twist in the tail he was unraveling. Oh God. He approached the table. His movements are dance of diplomacy and danger.

A master of reading people. He detected a subtle shifts in body language and exchange glance that hinted at alliances and secrets yet untold. He spoke words in his in the native tongue. His voice carrying the little little things, even a word, Lil' Teen Cadence of a Native Son, Lizzo's gaze healthy is a challenge and an invitation in one. As conversations ev'roflate, they engage in a dance of words as spoke of geopolitical interest in shared histories. She must follow his page. Accentence of layers of meaning, waving between the lines of fact and fiction The tension was palpable and undercurrent of electricity pulsed in the air Those past and the desert sky began to blush with the first light of dawn all conisty felt a shift in the room and he's pants probably

Probably. I had it at the time. So I would agree that the attempt to trust information has been exchanged. Alliance is forged and yet this show does still help their secrets as the group dispersed. All gone. There's still a link. His eyes looking under Lizard once more. In the quiet of a tent, their masks began to slip. The revealing vulnerabilities beneath with a tent that masks being to slip. The revealing vulnerabilities beneath

were the gaze that spoke volumes, Lizzo extended a hand, her fingers brushing against his, in that moment, amidst the whispers of the desert, we're all quite as stupid, all quite as stupid, that in the heart of a danger,

amidst the shifting of sand's indecision, suddenly unexpected, had a taken root, a connection that the five of boundaries of duty and Deception, suddenly unexpected had taken root, a connection that the five of boundaries of duty and desire. Wow. Chapter seven complete. I'm chopped up, dude. I'm chopped up. I need to go to the cold shower now. It's so awful. Fuck you, I'm so nervous. It's like there's like this. Go ahead, sorry.

I was just saying it's like there's really cheap books that middle age women buy. Like to think it's like a rub one out. Your father doesn't touch me anymore. Why does 50 share of great, fat shades of gray have all these little plastic tabs in it mom? Shut up! Shut up! I actually read all those books to play because I read all the books that I read and one of the medics this chick said, oh I've got all these 50 shades of gray books if you want to read.

And I was like, yeah, I'll give it a go. And the jit man, like, I read them all and I was like, this is fucking trash! And it got to the point where I was like this is fucking trash It got to the point where I was skipping this sex scenes is all the same sex settings. Oh my god. I need a story. I don't know I haven't the story man Oh god So I'll kick it off I've got I've got my carpet cleaning days stories. I. So I've got my carpet cleaning day's stories. I've got the, the fuck trophy, the pig, or we can do the 55-gallon drum, which one do you want first?

Oh, the pig. I'm leaning that one. Yeah. The pig? Okay. So I get a that one. Yeah. The thing. Okay. So I get a call one day. So for those that don't know, I used to own a carpet cleaning business and like specialize in like everything from like dead body, like cleanup and I've done that. I've done like huge amounts of like urine and like like Tobin came on the podcast. I cleaned his house after his like skit's mom had like nine dogs in and like, like Tobin came on the podcast. I cleaned his house after his like, Skitsa mom had like nine dogs in his house.

He had like 18 pounds of urine after he came back from a six month deployment. It was fucking hilarious. Oh, brome, it was so bad. He told me he's like kind of a fucking friend sits there and goes, Hey, there's another one. Hey, there's another pissed spot.

Hey, look at this. I'm like, but the worst worst one I had was like this lady calls and she's like, hello, I'd like a room, just a room cleaning. And I was like, what, what happened? And she's like, Oh, one of our pets got in the house and it basically stayed there for a while and it just caused a mess. And I need a cleaning and I'm like,

a dog, a dog got trapped in a room or something. She's like, I need to know the details. She's like, it's a lot, it's a lot. And I was like, nope, okay. Well, I can come out and check, but I like told her, I was like, it's $75 to remove like a gallon of urine out of your carpet and then a $50, like, cleaning.

And so she's like, it's gonna cost like $200. Like, mm, mm, mm, mm. And so that goes away. I remember the voice, because I was like, who says a pet? So a week passes and then same number calls up. She's like, hey, I really need you to come out and look at this, it's really bad.

I was like, what happened? She's like, I had a steam cleaner come out and he cleaned the carpet, but I don't, it didn't work, the whole room smells, my kids can't sleep in there, all this stuff. I'm like, what the hell? I was like, okay, okay, okay, I'll come out free estimate, right? So I go there with my dad. This is during COVID, thank fucking God. So like, get there to the door and she's like, well, the house

pit got trapped in the boys room for a day while we were gone in Nashville. And it was there for a solid like 18, 18 hours until we came home like we left in the morning came back I was like, oh Okay, so I like walk back and my dad's talk a doer and I'm like, get in the clipboard and like the tools to check this shit And like one of the things we have is this like Mouscher sensor it like couldn't two prongs go in the carpet and it like if there's water in the carpet It'll connect the prongs and a people go off. So I grabbed that I grabbed some other tools like a black light and stuff like if there's water in the carpet, it'll connect the prongs and a people go off. So I grabbed that, I grabbed some other tools,

like a black light and stuff like that, and he comes back, he goes, hey, she got it steamed cleaned. I was like, what? He's like, yeah. So if you don't know what that means, they basically flooded the carpet, and they didn't extract it. They couldn't extract it.

All this stuff, I was like, mother of fucker. I was like, how bad do you think it is? He's like, it's still wet, she says. And so my dad and I go, and we have these pink little booties and we like pink booty up and stuff. And we go to the door and she's like, okay, you good. And I'm like, put in the booties on, she goes,

and I hear, ah, boom, like on the back door. I'm like, what the fuck was that? She's like, oh, that's a chester, that's the housepeak. All decorum went out, because like, it sounded like a body hit the back door. I look over 300 plus pound hog with a fat roll on its forehead like I literally like Over her I'm like I got to see this and I'm like boom, man. It's just this angry fucking hog Just like like battering the back fucking door with its head

I'm like, oh my god. That was trapped in a room for a whole day I'm like, oh my god, that was trapped in a room for a whole day. Like what the fuck happened? So if you don't know this, a pig can piss up to a gallon, a gallon minimum a day. And they had basically poor, piss in a milk jug. Poor that in your room. Take a steam cleaner to it, spread it all over the room. Bro, I had two masks on and I could smell it. It smelled awful. They basically cooked pig urine in there. Shit, piss everything. My dad, he's sitting there, he walks into the room,

and he's like poking it. And he just beep immediately. And he's like, oh, it's so wet. And then he takes one step onto the carpet. And it's not the the carpet so like for those that don't know it's like wood floor padding carpet he takes one step and it's like what do you what do you mean? So I go back and I grab like to trash bags and I like time up to my knee and I like walk over and I like poke the dry wall because the dry wall was Absorbing It was a big How much you think this go run me I I'm like, I can't help you. 2000, 3000? Yeah, just start banging on a calculator.

Like, three grand. I've done that before and people are like, what do you mean? I'm like, I'm stoned in a porta-body. Like, and they're just like, it was so bad. And we were like, you're gonna have to call surf pro. And they're like, they're like dude it was so bad and like we were like you're gonna have to call surf pro and they're like they're like people who do disaster relief like fucking tornadoes and like fires shit and I'm just she's just like I was like how

did this hog get caught she's like well they sleep with it I'm like you sleep with a fucking pig. And I guess the boys just got up like, yeah, Nashville, Toby K's and like, covers off and left Chester in bed. Well, at least her polite, they know how to like close the door behind them, you know, just like. behind them, you know. Just like. That was dropped to the house. I was so, she was so mad.

You met some singer at like a food line six months later, she's homeless, and for cash. What bankrupt trying to like clean the bedroom. That was, that was nothing you could do. You could like probably like drill a hole through the floor and just take a garden hose and just wash it and just squeegee it all down. Under that, you have to replace everything at that point. It's like your childhood bathroom rug that just absorbed all of the water from the garbage. I Give waffle stomping shits down the fucking right

There was one guy I did that too. I can't say I know her you waffle stop shit Look alright, it was cool. And the guys were cleaning. I was just looking the cleaners in the eye, like, yeah, you like that? Like, you've been in that fucking... No, it was a... Anyway, me and my wife still say the name of this person in our house, they're like, you're being so disgusting. You're like, blankety blank, and I'm like, fuck you, I'm not that gross.

So I went to one house that had that same issue. It was a concrete pad, the house was built on, and the daughter was sleeping with all the cats in the basement with this. And the piss was in the carpet but because it was on a rock the moisture couldn't absorb it in anything. So it was just like hitting the concrete and then hitting the drywall and going up. So there was like and they had steamed clean it. And so there was like a line all the way around about like between your knee and your ankle of like where the water line was from where the drywall had absorbed it. And I looked this dude

in the eye. I told him I was like there's nothing I could do. You're you're fucked with the capital F. Like you got to knock this drywall out. It's like you poke it and it crumbles and he looks at me, dead ass, and he goes, you're going to have to tell my wife. I'm like, shows, you're gonna have to tell my wife. I'm like, what? His wife was upstairs watching my lifetime, like drama TV shows, just melted into the couch with a two liter of doc. Oh, she was ready.

She was, I like what up there. And I told her what would have happened. Like, you're gonna have to take the jaw wall out. You're gonna have to do this, this, X, Y, Z. And she's just like, well, what fucking good are you then? I'm like, excuse me. Like, forget it. You're like, you've got good are you then? I'm like, excuse me? Like fucking like, you know, like, you've got to put a potty in your basement

and you're like, look at you fucking subhuman lazy piece of shit. Just like, you made up on the couch, like what are you good for? Like, are you fucking serious right now? Like, dude, can you imagine if they just put plywood in the back of that, they're like, it's a closet now No no more basement. Yeah, I don't know what the property value is

I just lost 235,000 dollars, but it was worth it Dave Ramsey didn't tell me shit about this Oh, no, all right then Dingo. Did you say? Well, then you got to do something funny. I have a Bulgarian roommate. Would you like to see Bulgarian? Err, it's called the Fuss Relic. You cheated.

Waited. Yeah. And those, uh, Missanta, rubri, is this nice? I don't know what that means. Damn you. I know.

Damn you. You give him all the easy ones. He popped. I mean, I mean, I mean, look at it. It's what it says. Like, yes, it makes real like, but it's, but you were reading that. You were reading with that with that mustache

and you're like polo. If you had like a little more chest hair and like a five o'clock shadow, it would have been like. I'm being gawd right now. Yeah, you did. Oh. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I'd be a Persian nightclub owner like this, man. As in showered in six days, but as you used two bottles of cologne. If I couldn't. Even my, I'm giving myself third degree burns from Axe Body Spray. As it showered in six days, but is used to bottles of cologne Myself third-degree burns from axe bodies for a try to find a girl And go you got go

I wanted to like my fate now story, baby, because this is my dream and so many memories. So once, once you beat, we've been beating our vets and I was like, yep, two dudes in every regiment, it's got these our vets back. Some of them it's the first time they've been back. Some of them have been back quite regularly from these reasons. And most of these guys, like one of the guys there retired as a, as a Colonel. Some of them have been back quite regularly from these reasons and Most of these guys some like one of the guys there retired as a as a turtle. He was a trip commander during the Vietnam war And a lot of these guys were like ton or acts and searches and An 80 aircraft gun is too, which is pretty surprising

So the first night out we're in Saigon, because they refuse to call it anything else. And there's a bar called Smiley's. And the first night, we were like, oh, these guys are pretty, it's pretty hard. We'll just make sure they get back to the hotel room. And we're heading back to the hotel after a small night drinking.

And the Colonel was sitting at the bar. And I was like, so, so we're gonna go back to the hotel. And now we've got an early bus in the morning and she should probably get moving. Goes, I'm busy son. I was like, why? He's just sitting at the bar. So the bar is a high bar. He's on a stall and like he had a beer there and it's like yeah he's finishing beer with let's go. He's like son I'm busy. So here's a bit of and then he looks down and I guess I'm busy. Yeah and under the bit of and he looks down and he's busy. And I'm the buzz. It's little Vietnamese chick. Just getting a B.J.

Barlow is sitting on that. Yeah. I'm like, I'm busy. Yo, that's you. Alright. Dude, that beer prolonged the orgasm by like 15 minutes. He's just over here. He's nervous. He's just... He's just... He's just... I don't know.

I'm just waiting outside for him. He eventually came out. And then the next night we went to a bar called Apocalypse Now. It's fucking sick. It's a bar to the theme of the movie Apocalypse Now. So it's like, Huey's, you can sit in like, cheap, like that had turned into a table and everything. And for a new, everyone left, it was like,

fuck, they went to the next bar, kinda so I just, like, my drug can now swalkin' out. They'll walk into the next bar and there's this like, middle-aged V-Dee. He's lady on a scooter, just swirving. She was like, he's heavily intoxicated and she sees sees me like, like makes eyes to me and throws the scooter on the ground and runs over to me and she's like, hey, hey! I was like, look at her

hands, like, is she talking to me? It's like, hey, I suck your dick! It was like, what? I suck your dick! $5! I was like, no, leave me alone. I was like, I said, you're dead. You started getting more and more aggressive. The more I was saying no. And it was a good deal. You're in a chopped up. Yes. And it's just let a pointing like that to like this little

other way between these three buildings. I said, I said, you're dead. $5. I pointed down there. And I'm starting to freak out. And a lot of the nightclubs have banses on the front. They're trusting like beat the knees on again up. They look like this is

like green cockies and like red epilepsy. They're all pointing at me laughing like this like 30 feet of me security guards laughing at me and it's like grandma like she's like I suck your dick is gonna pull be away and I and I freaked out and I ran down the street like a little girl like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm always like I'm like I'm like I'm girl like oh like I

don't know why she sat in like like a hood rat oh dick she was saying it was legitimately skin you think and all i could think of because i'm from the south and in and all I could think of because I'm from the south and

I'm like in America all I could think of were the fat diabetes-ridden people who ride like rascals around so I'm just imagine I'm just like fuck yo damn can I make you hear the voice of the five dogs she's a bus she's a bus yeah fucking fucking waffle house even customer There's rollin' and they're paint, put their kids through college, man But on the bus next day I was telling the guys a these two old boys and one was like, yeah man I've got a message this morning and I actually finished off with Appi Endings it was great. And the other guy was like, what would your wife and children think back home?

And it's like, he's like, I don't care. And he's like trying to justify it. He's like, the other guy was like, did you know you can get STDs from hand jobs? I was like, Jesus, bro. How long has it been for you? I was, I wonder, I wonder what like the fucking disparity between those two was like the one guy who's like, I got a, you know, every time I've, every day I've been here, I've gotten a hand job and he was just like some fucking tunnel rat or EOD guy and meanwhile the guy who's like, what, what would you watch, think?

He's just like a commo guy, like what the fuck it like? Like, fucking bitch. You pussy ass, come make sure comms are up. I don't know, I've got to ask you a god damn thing. You pussy ass. Come make sure calms are up They didn't when we were in vong tiao they literally turned into 21 year olds again 18 year olds that was just like fuck Yes, that's why my was here That's the way to do it Who really won at that point? When our old dudes come back and there's McDonald's,

they're banging your granddaughters and your grandstands. I never got that one. Like, you know what, boys, I thought for this. Yeah, you did, you did, you did right, you did. Dude, I was in Portland and like, I see people all the time, like, you know, they wear like the Wee the People and like, 3% of their shit.

And I was in Portland and I saw these two chicks. I smelled them before I saw them. Straight fucking coach. Like just, and there's an oddly enough, it's a restaurant called BJ's Bar and Grill. Nice. Check it out. It's got like a phone book of a menu and it's got these things called Pizzoukis which are like cookies cooked and cast iron skillets with like three things of fucking Ice cream on top that melt in it. Oh, yeah, it's American is apple pie

You're like you get like and these I smelled them before I saw my turn I look at them and they're holding hands. They've got nose piercings. They're dressed like it was like a Friday night. They've been partying and they're like, they're like, table for two. They're like, yeah, we want a large pizza and two pizookies. I was like, that's what I thought for. That's what the Taliban can't do for me.

It's like, fucking drugged up lesbians on a Friday night, getting pizza and pizookies just like, I'm tired. You're lucky, you didn't, like, one of them didn't show the check, because they never would have turned around and say I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. Like, you know what I'm saying? That she's like, you would have taken that L right home.

Yeah. She's like really into Andrew Tate. She's like, I'm the alpha, like, the fuck, like. You imagine? Bro. God damn it. Oh, jeez. She's like on the alpha like the fuck like Imagine Yeah Oh All right, so I guess it's my turn so I I have two. One recently that you guys I've definitely told you about.

Oh no. Do you guys want to hear that one? Does it do the listeners want to hear that one? Or... All right, yeah, I'll just do that one. All right, so it was last Tuesday. It was a week ago today. And so I get off of work right, you know. It's therapeutic, I promise.

All I imagine is stewie in the shower of when Rupert comes. Like, we'll talk about it when you want to talk about it. I'm getting ready. All right, dude. So I got off of work swimming by a Walmart to grab some things. And I'm sitting in the parking lot on the phone with the buddy I work with. And there's a forward fusion. It's like a great forward fusion

back in the meet ever so cautiously. Just like, back, break, back, break. And so I was on the phone with it. I was like, his name's Sam. I was like, the same. I think I'm about to get hit. And so it's just like, there's no way. This guy just like, board it and rear ended me.

I was like, brother man. So it's all black, he jumps out, tries to run away, but like, terminator no way this guy just like toward it and rear ended me. I was like, brother man. So his old black, he jumps out and tries to run away, but like terminator turned towards me. And he's like, man, ah, so I jumped out of the car. I was like, all right, man, what do you want to do? And he's like, ah. I hit you. I don't see any damage.

His car was fucked up. Number one, he could not even open the hood open the truck Yeah, so it's so funny. So anyways, he comes out with like a pack of new port slims and he missed the door handle And he was I was like this guy's fucking drunk dude. So like all right. Well, whatever, you know I got away with whatever he looked at me drove off. It's fine And then anyways like maybe hour hour and a half maybe two hours later I have a bull gary in roommate. So she knocks on my door, she's like,

Matt, there is a squirrel in my bathroom. I was like, what? And she's like, yes, there is a squirrel. He came in from the ceiling, please kill it. So I opened the bathroom door and like all the countertop stuff in the toilet. I was like, uh, give me your dirty clothes, water, give me your hamper. And she's like, no, I did not want my clothes to be dirty. I'm like, dirty, dirty.

Just give me the basket. So I grabbed my scoop, this little guy up. He scratched my hand. I was like, give me some of the aspirin. It'll be fine. So I threw this little guy out. That was fine. So I'm laying in bed.

It's like 8.45 or so. I'm just watching YouTube talking to a lady. And then my, he's gay. This comes into play later. It's like, ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Hits me up and he's gay. This comes into play later. That's the way. Hahaha. Hits me up and he's like, what are you doing? I was like, nothing.

He's like, I'm at the bar. You want to come over. I was like, oh, he probably needs a ride. It's a Tuesday night at nine o'clock. So I was like, yeah, sure. Why not? So I was like, all right. It's like 20 minutes.

Yeah, that's fine. Whatever. So I show up. And there's like four beers and four shots in front of me. He's like, I just want to see you since you got back from Africa. I just, there's my future. He's like, all right, yeah, that's fine. So I have like two beers, two shots. I was like, I'm good. I left my phone on the bar. I was like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. So I came back and he was holding my phone. He's like, it's my phone now. You're too drunk to drive. That's like, that's like, excuse me. And he's like, you're too drunk to drive. That's like, excuse me. And he's like, you're too

drunk to drive. I'm fine. I promise you. And he's like, okay, you know, one of those things. And so I like leaned in to grab my phone and it grabs the hat off my head. I was wearing like my Afrocom, like, J.S.O.D. of Somhat. And he's like, this is mine too. And then my, like, girl Frank calls. And then she's like, who's this? He's like, your boy's a little too much right now. I got it. Like hangs up. And so she's calling her what she's calling her whatever. And so the whole time, I was like, dude, give me my fucking phone. You know one of those things. And then he's like, nope, not until you give me your car keys. I'm like, no, there's no way

and hell is is happening. And so he's like, well, I guess you're coming home with me then. I was like, so we get the Uber. And my plan was to attack him. I was like, I'm going to get out of the car and beat the fuck out of this dude. I was like, I'm going to jump. The best part about this, I got is like, you you ubered and like I think about this guy trying to get like a five star rating and there's a hostage situation going on behind him. He's like great night huh? And like Matt's just like gonna get my phone back, gonna get my wallet back, gonna get... Maybe, when can I attack? It's like opportunity and the other guy's like I'm gonna lure him into the bedroom

And like he's just like you guys want some tunes That's blinking in most code Yeah, he's just like He's like you guys ever heard in my mouth by black dresses and you put that on here's like anyways So we, pretty crazy. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It gets better. So get out of the car.

He stumbles out. We're like walking up to his place. And he drops the keys to get into his apartment. Like, now's the chance. So like, just fucking like, she'll drop my phone. I was like, cool. I'm free.

It's like five or six blocks from the bar. I'll just walk over there, get my car and drive home. So I was like, dude, I'm, I'm free. It's like five or six blocks from the bar. I'll just walk over there, get my car and drive home. So I was like, dude, I'm feeling it. I was like, I'm not like an alcoholic or anything, but I was like, yeah, you know, whatever. And then he ran up and I just felt like I'll fist in the back of my head.

I was like, nah. And he was like, you're staying with me tonight. But I was like, no, no, I'm not dude. And I was like, go the fuck away, go the fuck away. So he leaves and starts yelling in the street. And I was like go the fuck away go the fuck away So he like leaves and starts like yelling in the street and he's like I was like I did I don't know what the hell is going on So I'm like standing on the side of the road I call an Uber. It's 10 minutes away And so from there he runs up swinging again. He's like I lost my phone. I'm like I don't care

Get that out of here go away. And so we starts running around again and straight up gentlemen, I hit the bushes. I'm gonna lay here for a few minutes. I'm gonna lay here for a minute. You know, I'm just gonna wait. Is he's running up and down the road? Like scream, he's like, where are you, where are you? So anyways, last but not the last one here of this guy.

So I get in the Uber, drive back to my car and I'm already seeing double. I was like, dude, I get in the Uber, drive back to my car and I'm already seeing double. I was like, dude, I got like a 20 minute drive. I'm good. And I was like, I can do it. I just take the back rows. So I'm driving down the road, immediately missed the exit.

I was like, it's like, all right, cool. The new mission and there was like a, like in here in Fairfax, there's like a dead zone in like a certain neighborhood. So I was like, all right, all right. I'll just drive around till I see a local landmark. It's like one o'clock in the morning at this point. Like I was like, all right, fine. I'm driving.

And then like I could taste the Jameson shots coming up. And I was like, I got a puke. So I like roll the window down, sort of rolling up outside of the window, just all over myself inside of the door outside. I was like, ah, so I like sit up. I have a Jeep. So like, shot the windows down as like I'm gonna compose myself and then I see cherries and berries behind me it's a fucking cop I was like it's like I pull over and the cop walks up he's like oh do you know why I pulled you over it It's like, was I speeding? He's like, no, you just drove through a construction zone. You didn't see that.

Of course. It's like, it's like not at all. No, it is like, if you've been drinking tonight, I was like, no, he's like, get out of the car. And I was like, I'm so done. So I get out and he's like, walking a straight line. I was like, I can do that. I did not, I did not walk in the straight line. I was like, I can do that. I did not.

I did not walk in the straight line. I walk like maybe five feet turned around, came back. And he's like, what's going on big guy? It's like, I went full white woman. I sort of crying. I was like, I think I have COVID. It was like COVID. Is that why you're throwing up?

I'm like, I don't know why I'm throwing up. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. Thank God I didn't throw up in this guy. So he's like, you just got back from the war. And my drunk brain thought like, you ever seen black hawk down? It's kind of like that. And I was like, don't say that, don't say that.

So it's like, yeah, I just got back from Somalia. And he's like, how far away do you live? I was like, five minutes, he's like, go home away do you live? I was like five minutes, he's like, go home. I was like, I was like, thank you. I get in the car, drove home, tried to walk into the wrong house, like stumbled into the door. I was like, no, I don't even live here.

Went back to my place, stripped down, gotten there, he crawled in bed. And then I wake up the next morning from like seven missed calls from this dude and like two, I send to the group chat, like two calls from the messages from this dude. And he's like, I'm a little angry about how last night went. I'm like, you. You're like, dude, I always got a TV.

Why? Yeah, you know, why? And I know why every girl, I understand. I, I, I, you're going to be on the view next to Oprah Winfrey. They're going to have the view next to Oprah Winfrey They're gonna have the cop come up that like we got a special guest y'all in the cop walks out and he's like He did I'm pretty sure at like one thirty in the morning. He took pity on my drunk roofie-dass You you could put it away, way. Dude, I was.

So I'm sure like one of the, if you already had him lined up for you, he's like, yeah, drink up. Like, okay, okay. I have no idea, man. So it's super funny. But anyways, yeah, Oprah Winfrey, if you're listening,

and I know you are, just, uh, the music finger. That's a good thing. Let me tell my survivor story. Right. I am in terms of Los Angeles, I am a survivor, which means I am entitled to financial compensation.

I guess I'm other doofy once, but that's the most recent. So I did a win in Lafayette? Yes, it's like, oh no. Oh, yeah. You were this close. That was close. You did, hold on. You did, you did, you did, see your school, combative's, and like emotional response training

all in one night. You're just like tactical evasion fighting and just evasion fighting and just trying to work through it. So one of the times that you get these big contracts in the cleaning world, you go out and you do the hotels or skyscrapers. You ever see some guys cleaning in an office at like two in the morning. It's really great work Right like it's like three dollars a square foot or it's like fifteen dollars. It's for on some food gods In your life, bro Like I've read the NEPA problem

Red so many books doing work like that one of my favorite ones was a Regional airport like they would open up at 6, nobody really flew around and it's great. It's like a $1,800 payday for like three hours, four hours of work depending on how you cut it. Just throwing some audio books, broaden the machine, clean the carpet, you're out of there. And so I'm in there, I got my headphones in and this dude, and I mean if you've ever been to an airport, right, you see all those guys walking around and like high vests and stuff like that. Like they got like the reflected bands on like

our first responders, yeah. Yeah, the guys that like our fuelers, you know, they're wearing like bright neon shit so they don't get hit and by airplanes and stuff. And so he, this dude was wearing it and he just goes upstairs. And so it's like a two story thing They got going on and he's just like sitting up there on his phone and drinking some water

I'm like man. He must be like one of the fuel truck guys for these little planes or whatever And so I'm cleaning and I'm cleaning and I hear this Thump thump thump thump thump thump and he's like all of a sudden He's not wearing his jacket anymore. He's just like running circles upstairs. It's like 8 a.m. by the way. And so like he's like running circles upstairs. I'm like, that's weird. So another hour goes by.

He's going up and down the stairs like repeatedly. I mean, oh, okay, man, he must be like in his workout in or something. Like that's cool. Like damn. And so then he's, but like every time I look over over it's another piece of clothing that he has taken off right so like first it was the high viz jacket then it was the high viz pants and there were some basketball shorts under there he's still in the boots though I was like this man get get it in we see at least he had the boots in that hard hat

you know cuz he was protecting the noggers yeah he's just running up there and like they also have like like some of these regional airports. They have snacks for people. And he's chowing on popcorn and shit. But then he starts doing weird shit. He starts going into offices up there for meetings and walking around. I'm like, what's going on?

And then the last time I checked, I saw him in one of of the sweets doing karate. And I was like, and he did- Well, time for like freedom. Yeah, he wasn't wearing shoes. He wasn't wearing a shirt. He was just in basketball shorts in a meeting room just fucking like sliding across wet carpet just like, yuh, and I like, no know to the lady at the front desk and I'm like

hey who that guy up there in like bare feet and everything I was like I'm not cleaning that again right like I've already cleaned that whole upstairs I'm bad here I've already moved on my stuff like fuck you I'm not cleaning that again she's like I thought he was with you I was like you thought I pay somebody to just run around here And we're gotten to karate in the lobby and she just looks at me. She's like I thought I thought he was with you I was like I thought he was with you. He looks like a fueler and like no shit There is there is like a guy out there and like a safety vest like fueling up like a private plane like fuck you Like I'm not him there and like a safety vest like fueling up like a private plane like fuck you like I'm not him like

And she's like oh Oh, and she like calls the cops and like security Crack head working out I'm like a reaching on the board and like dude a man You had to drag him out and then like the the fucking manager came out. He's like I'll give you $400 to clean the upstairs again. I was like fucking deal and it's Dude it smells so bad. I was like avoiding him the old I'm as man He was just homeless fucking crackhead practicing karate

Flying like across the wet carpet and he was just like he's just like I'm so sorry. You know, we thought he worked with, I was like, because like, obviously I'd worked with him before. I was like, John, why the fuck would I hire somebody? He's like, I don't know, man. He's like, people have all types of things going on. I was like, I think I'm just gonna put the work he's really good at that, man. That's my intern. Like, you know, like, you know me, this is my company.

Why would some guy be hired to do this? I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. or Pete really did that man. That's my intern. Like, you know me, this is my company. Why would some guy be hired to watch me? It's like some 47 year old chubby Hispanic man. You're like, I know. No, no, no. No, he's not here. I no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He didn't have Zimbabwe there, bud. He keeps eating. Yeah. Yeah. I blame the kids. Yeah.

I blame the kids in the fucking discord. Why? Do they crushes in? They all do. Yeah, they do. I had one Zimb when I was in Africa. And I had the heat sweat. So I was like, oh, I'm nicotine.

It's so out of my body. Completely virgin for the last, like, I don't know, like years. So I was the last, I don't know, years. So I was just like, yeah, yeah. It's rocking my world right now. Yeah, you just, you just been hyped. What is it? Like 6am there? You're just like looking already.

It's 822. Do that, baby. Fact three of them. What the fuck is wrong with that? No, no, no, no, no, no. It's just two. It's just two, two, two, two. Laughing.

I've been laughing at the idea of making like a TV show called Zinnigog, where it's about like the Zinnigog, it's like the Zinnigog. So it's like Zinnigog, right? The premise is like the Zinnigog, and playing shows up like date, no high over something. And they're finding out that it's like ainnigog, right? The premise is like the Zinn manufacturing plant shows up in like date, no hire or something. And they're finding out that it's like a money laundering scheme, hired by you know, whoever.

And so it ends up like, you know, so they're trying to like, like six dudes who love Zinn, there's like a flavor per color. So they're all like color coded. And they go in there and they try to break into the factor and the distribution plant to figure out what's going on. And then it finds out that like,

there's like an assassin that jumps out with a gun and he gets shot from behind. They turn around Mel Gibson he's like I was settling a team. He's been really quiet about this Israel homostead lately like if there was ever a time I wanted to know what Mel Gibson's up to it's right. He probably woke up last Friday and he was like, ah, called it. He's like, anyways, making passion of the Christ too. I'm telling you what's up. He's got to be so hard.

Just some like MSNBC CNN reporter like Mr. Bellgips and what do you think? He's just like, Oh, he's just like, I see this as a win-win either way. That was it. My favorite. It was not that that leech collar anything with his ex-wife. It was when he got caught cheating.

And he was like, well, my wife's a Protestant. And I'm a Catholic and she's going to hell regardless of what I think. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic.

I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. the drunken the bathtub was it for me I was like everyone's like you see all the things he's saying and as a Jew I'm like you know what we've all been there with the McDouble in the bathtub fucking shirt gone say some shit we regret

reaching for our phone like let me check start let me eat your fucking McDouble and shut up. The brother man, who have you ever had a spicy McChicken in a McDonald's Sprite? No, change man. Just about. Can you believe what Mel Gibson said? It's like, well, let's see it. It just immediately pans to him half naked with a McFish and fireball. It's like, nothing good.

Nothing good. I don't need to hear it. I can see it. I can see it. I can smell it. It smells efficient cinnamon and not the stripper. He's like, oh, like, fuck the fuck. Yeah, he's kicked out of Hollywood, starts working as a Walmart creator. They're like, Mr. Gibson, what do you think about the Middle East? He's like, good. You're going. I mean, it's kind of weird seeing it all kind of go down with it because like you have like two ways of like 90s Hollywood going right now you have like Mel Gibson you have like the pedophilia rings like coming out and stuff like that But then you have like the absolute like

Liberal not my like Alec Baldwin shot a woman. It was like I don't know who's faulted it. But it's not mine. Like it was like I thought it would have been so funny for SNL to hire Donald Trump to play Alec Baldwin killing a Ukrainian woman. Ukrainian one. I didn't do it, I didn't do it, but if I did it, it's me but if it was good shot. It's just like oh Jason singing it like as you can see it. I'm not gonna say it was me, but if it was, good shot. You could do it. It's just like, oh Jason, singing it,

like as you can tell, my hands just can't hold it. It's too, too small, doesn't fit. I'm like, I can't do it. Dude, you know what, be funny. If Alec Ball would came out and wrote a book that said if I did do it. If I did do it. You know what?

This is how I would have done it, just recrace the entire thing. that said, if I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it.

If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it. If I did do it.

If I did do it. If I did it. If I did it. If I did it. If I did it. If I did it. If I did it. If I did it. If I CQB number one training course. Six. Six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six,

six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, I don't know what gets better than that like to complete polar opposites like I'm both the best my tradecraft

Yeah, yeah, they are the twin towers and you're building seven about a roll over. There's like that, it's it. No, I'm good. Oh God. You got another one. We got it. We going to hell. We going to hell. No, don't say that. I've been good.

I haven't posted any war porn not one time If I sat there seeing a fucking skyscraper going down to a JDM and gone you know what I can smell the engagement That comment section that comment section is about to be fucking late, fucking. I went on, I was pooping today and I was scrolling. I went on Reddit. Oh, speaking of that, give me like two minutes. I'll be right back. That's not.

I was, I was, I was, literally just muted it. No, I think I just, I scrolled and I found Azerbaijan and read it. And I don't know if you saw, oh, you just woke it. No, I think I just I scrolled and I found Azerbaijan and read it. And I don't know if you saw he just woke up. It's like 8 a.m. there. I like screenshot and everything. And I sent it to the cognitive high. I was like, bro, this is this is my jail. It's just like Turks, Armenian and his series just fighting in the comment section. It is, it's literal a war zone in there. Like, the president of Azerbaijan went in a military uniform to go like, say like, we've conquered our test.

And I were comments with like 500 down votes. And he's like, oh look, he found a uniform and put it on. Surprise, he didn't put on a dead Armenians. Ha, ha, ha, ha. They're like, fuck you, fuck you, I was like, holy shit. Oh fuck, we did a voice, we won. No, fuck it now. Kim Kardashian's got a fullness war,

so fucking, you got to, do you have your one from your buddy who submitted one? What's this? Sorry the one that no I'm trying to get that audio up It's not working did it work for you I got a check it's send it to me It's in the absolute grubbering. Okay. Okay. I got one from the strategic bigger and he just literally called us. Oh, what did he say? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He takes full input. That's the very strategic. I'll be with it. He's just like, he's dropping it. She's dropping it Being a being a bro. I don't see it

Nothing from John oh I see it. Yeah, I Got it African shits and giggles. Yeah, I can add that to the end here and Then make it work It needs to play Oh god, I'm so scared. I don't want to click. I'll have to alter his voice just in case. He's got friends and family out there. We have an audio file in the gmail.

I don't want to. We'll have to alter the. I'll do it for me. No, someone sent it in. Someone sent it in. John sent it in. I'm for him? For me? For me? Hey, grunt. No, someone sent it in. Someone sent it in. John sent it in. It's a good story. You listen to it.

All right. I will. I did not know. I'm recording it. It's like recording through my headphones. Oh, God. I got one more for you. So my dad, after he got out of the army, just wanted something to do for a

little bit, you know, find his head, do stuff, kind of chill out, and he's like, yeah, I'll come work with you, I'll come clean cards, whatever. I was like, okay, yeah. So like very, very first job, right? A little family house, they're moving out, they're PCSing going to another base. And I'm showing him how everything works, setting everything up for him, just kind of guiding him along the way. And you know, you got to pick everything up off the carpet and they already have kind of, and it's like this big, big, big, big fucking black dude. And he comes up and he's like, hey man, like and like really appreciate it. Oh, go on on record. We just got a new patron

He's like he's like a man like thanks and like I talked about the price He's like, yeah, yeah, man. This fine. That's fine. I got to clean it up You know, he's like I'll make you a lot of money so on the house and stuff really nice guy I'll never forget this. I'll never forget what he looked like because of this fucking story I'll never forget this. I'll never forget what he looked like because of this fucking story He's got this huge painting of like him his wife and his baby and like that's like the first day they moved all that stuff You know, I could do nice guy and getting all his stuff out and my dad's up there first room first time everything first Everything like he hasn't even been on the job an hour. And I'm like, all right, yeah, run that buffer. And he's cleaning it.

And he's cleaning it. We're moving the hose around. And he goes, hey, man, right there, can you pick that up? I'm like, what? And I had seen it earlier. And I was just not trying to bother with it. He's like, pick that up right there. I'm like, no, no, I'm good. I'll get that

later. Just keep focusing on the carpet. And he's like, no, and he like, reach his down, bare hands, picks it up. He goes, it's a, it's a baby's teething ring. And he's like, hey, take it. Take it. And I'm like, no, no. And he's like, don't, because he doesn't want to get it stuck in the machine or the hose. He's like, yeah, take it. And he like, throws it. And it bounces off my chest. And I'm like, I grab doesn't want to get it stuck in the machine or the hose. He's like, yeah, take it. And he like throws it. And it bounces off my chest. And I'm like, I grab a little towel and I'm like, no, no. And he goes, it's teething ring. I said, no.

And he's like teething ring. I'm like, that's a cock ring, my man. That's a cock ring. And I like grab some like plastic. And I'm like, pick it up. And he, I like show him him I'm like, yeah, like show him on Google like it's a cock ring because it was in the corner of the room Like he had just like whipped it off and like yeah, and like threw it and it was behind the door my bad big. He's like He's like looking at his head. He's like I'll'll be right back. I should have known. They had a little fuck trophy. And I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, I like bag it. And I'm like, uh, because like he was in the service, the big dude. And I'm like, Hey man, uh, found something you might want it. And he's like, please tell me you didn't pick that up with your bare hands. I'm like but he did and he's like fuck you like he's like like he's like I should have known when you didn't want to pick it up I was like he's gonna be sick stuff like that bro I've had so many people in that like they're like yeah don't clean under the bed don't don't clean under the bed don't don't do that like what do you want it hey there's this shoe box in the way. No, no, no, touch that. Dude, I've gone into teenage boys' rooms and they're like,

I'm like, you know, you like take the black light. And like, you can, Tobin was like, I can see it. That's ground zero, man. Just stay out there. Yeah. You know, Tobin,

Tobin did it one time with me. He just to kind of see it. And he saw this. He was like, he's like, yeah, there's like some, he literally was trying to be cool about it to this woman that was like a high-end like Christian home. He was like, yeah, man, there's some biological markings upstairs, he's like, we'll get that to with it.

And she's like, biological markings, he's like, yeah, it's just some, she's like, show me, show me, he's like, he's like, yeah, it's just some, she's like, show me, show me, he's like, he's like, okay. What? He's like, he's like, oh, okay. And like literally what it was, is like the kid what he had been doing.

And you could tell because it was like always in the same spot, he had just been laying in bed, rubbing one off on his chest and then sitting up and then letting it drip down to him as he walked to his bathroom in his room. Oh, I thought that was it. That's a man, dude. He had no shame. It was just this white light, you put the black light on it and it was just this white light above his headboard where it had gone over his head.

And then a puddle from where he had stood up and like yeah I'm done. And she's just sitting there and there's like all these like little league baseball trophies and like little Timmy with the baseball bat. And like oh god you could see the bottle of lotion on his dresser. You're like, come on. Like, she's just like indicated in warnings. She's just throwing things. He's still open. Tobin was to do a shave. He's like, yeah, he's like, there's biological markings on the

carpet, on the way over there to the bathroom. There's a little bit on the walls here. He had a little on the wall. Just a drop, maybe, maybe, you got about 13,000 grandchildren to lay it on the wall. Just a drop, maybe maybe 13,000 grandchildren laid on the wall right here. It's nothing crazy. He could tell because he's like 13, 14, he's still got it. So it's like shooting over his head across his point.

Yeah. That's how you can tell your health. Yeah, shoot it over the shoulder. He's healthy. He's healthy, young boy. Yeah, you're like, if it's oozing, lay off the big max. Yeah, he's going along. He's going along.

He's going along. He's like, he tried, bro. He tried so hard to tell. He's like, yeah, biological workings. She's like, show me. I'm not paying extra. And he's like, you gotta regret this. You do imagine that kid just comes home from school. He's like whipping his backpack on the ground.

He's like, yeah, I'm about to play some more warfare. So sick. He's already like telling his friends, like, hey, John, what are you doing today? He's like, you know what I do every day, bro? Gonna go home? Mom's gonna let me fuck it, make some pizza rolls, gonna go upstairs, do my thing, take a shower,

be on call of duty, say an Xbox word, it's all fucked up. I don't know. He's jumping off on the bike. He's like, I'm gonna hit the sack, and probably get some sleep. You know, new man, I gotta be zanned out before I start playing God. You're gonna flip the worm. We're gonna off a way to play Call of Duty though. You're like, I'm gonna have the post-nut clarity before I start a 15 hour session. That's how I know you did it.

That's how I know you were one of them angry fucking cod players because you wanted to do it. Yeah, you because you wanted to do it after just fucking. Oh, no, I was edging between every single game. A certain show. You're not in the shower washing the shame away forehead up against the shower wall just Fucking killing fish stomping. Yeah, KD ratio winter shit tonight. Fuck we played like hell Man, I'll tell you guys what though when I used to play Call of Duty when I looked in Japan I might have already said this but so

in Japan. I might have already said this, but so Montauware Fair 2019 came out when I was like living in Japan. It was like during the COVID session. And so all we would do is get off work and play Call of Duty. But we were on the Asian servers. We would play with like the Australians, the Japanese, the Chinese, the Indians, the Pakistanis. But every time like we had a Chinese guy jump on, he like fuck America. We would just say like two hundred and square and his profile would disappear We're like I he's dead, but we won He is winning the poo and like four fucking people disconnect you're like any of the poo and like four-foot fucking people disconnect, you're like, oh. Ugh. Ugh.

It's like me, my buddies would all jump out at the same time. And we start talking, the- all straight-ups are like, the f**k in Americans are planned. But like, god, it's- It's like, we're friends, we're like, f**k you, dude. Not tonight, but. Not tonight. That's why I don't play Call of Duty anymore. I play like fucking a little bit more depth games. Like if you play like Hell at Loose or like Squad,

it's usually older guys who can't keep up with the speed of Call of Duty. And I say this to everybody. I'm like, bro, it feels so much better to kill somebody out of this game because it's not some kid who just did like six hours at school ate a lunchable and started playing games. I'm like, no, no, no.

This is a guy who's spent one hour commuting to work, eight hours in the office, Matt is hell, waiting to take a shit at work, drove back, ate dinner, yelled at his wife, put his kids to bed, he's got 45 minutes of game time and I just shot him. Oh, that's okay.

That's okay. You can, that suicidal tension is palpable, especially when you get like a good head shot and it goes, Ding, you're like, ah, I'm like, the death is a pain. The action is like the next day. He wakes up the next day, he's like, you know, gotta do it again, it's a Tuesday morning. Does the whole thing on the way home from work swings by the bar.

He's 12 beers deep, gets into fist fight with his wife and he's like, she's calling the cops so I just wanna find this guy again. I just wanna try again. I'm getting divorced, but it's worth it. Are you coming? Are you coming? I'm getting divorced, but it's worth it. Yeah, or that. They're like the divorced dad and like the camping chair in the living room playing the game. And then he gets killed. Screen goes dark. And for one, like 10 seconds,

he has to look at his wife. Yeah, motherfucker. Take that. Luke turns the mic off and just listens to the shoots and ladders by corn on loop. Like, yeah, motherfucker take that Turns the mic off and just listens to the shoots and ladders by corn on loop. He's like That's so dark His Mark away from what did I just things That's what it is man you like you like kill somebody in those games and you just like take that shred of happiness from them And you're just like oh yeah, oh, it's mine That's that's that's why if I could find like a call of duty lobby that only allowed like 30 year old

men or higher, like you have to submit a pay stub, I'm like, yeah, that's what I want. Like I don't want to. You got to play the guys who just got done playing Metal of Honor, Allied assault. When changing, changing the game. Change the game. I'm actually gonna aim down the sights this time You have to like submit your 401k like I legit have a retirement plan. I'm working towards like okay I want to play against you. You're like I Like I legit watch saving private Ryan and theaters. Yeah. I know. I'm doing. Oh, man. Oh, God. You got it anymore. Is that it?

Man, I have tons. I don't know if I'm like, I don't know if you've got tons. They're from like my teeth. They got tons. That was a real piece of shit. Genuinely genuinely. Oh, man. That's a no. Well, really? Yeah. I got a couple of those army slang things if you guys want

to do. These are so much fun. Go for it. First of all, that was easy. There's army slang things if you guys want to do this is these are so much fun go for First of all, that was easy Kant scratcher What's a Kant scratcher is it yeah You're calm this That's come

I'm imagining a holster. Or a sight post. A sight post, yeah. I thought this was a good one. Yeah. I was thinking of it. It's your hand. Oh, yeah.

We call them, uh, dick skitters. Yeah, dick beaters. Dicks, do you know what we say this a lot FTA you have FTA You's it in a safe bag. I Amie. Yeah Live got tonight FTA FTA. I used to have a guy, he's seven type, like kids would be like, fuck this place, I'm leave it, I'm leave it, you don't know, he's just be like, and the army goes rolling along.

Like fuck and they'd have like, they'd be like, fuck you, you don't know anything about me, and the army goes rolling along. Like it's like part of our song. No one cares. No one cares, bro. You'll miss me. No, no. He's a good one.

Fucked. No one cares No one cares bro. You'll miss me He's a good one. What do you guys have? F-O-T Hardy over there. Oh F-O-T F-O-T F-O-T Fucked on time Nope No, I can't think of anything

No, no, I can't think of anything Fucking orange fucking orange thing. It's anyone that's a ginger in the army I'm buying my brother that patch Hey fuck you know, and this last one maybe laugh because it actually has no rhyme or reason to it. Nob Gobla. What's a nob Gobla? Nob. You would never get this. It's anyone posted to the first battalion, Royal Australian regiment. I don't know why, but I'm sorry to, I'm sorry to the infantry boys at Tanzville, you're a knobgobla.

Oh God. That's it for today. I'll give you some more next month.