Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Ally Becomes What She Hates

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you got to go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. It's very brave when you finally admit that you've become something you hate.

And I think that a lot of people strive to not be that way. And sometimes you look at a picture and you go, oh, my God, I've become the person I despise most. And Alley, I think it's brave of you because usually we have to say this behind your back. My big broad back. We all stand behind Alley's backs. And we congregate and we have a big football huddle and we talk about how Alley has become something that she used to hate. And listen, every once in a while you have to go ahead and rethink your stance on things and go, maybe I was wrong about that. Maybe I'm this way now.

But I don't think you can defend these actions. Well, it happened under my nose. And then I was faced with it last night with the realization that I've become this person. And I, you know, there's a lot of people that say they're going to be a certain type of parent. And then you have a kid and everything just kind of unravels before your very eyes. And when my kid decided that he wanted to start playing little sports like baseball and, you know, swim and flag football. Swim's not a sport. Swim is a sport.

He plays swim. Not really. Well, it's not a team sport, but it's a sport. It's like a hobby. It's an Olympic sport. Right. It's a sport, Clyde. It's definitely, no one ever says, what's your favorite sport?

No one ever says swim. It doesn't happen. Well, it's not necessarily a sport that people sit and watch because it's not necessarily a team sport. Right. it's a it's a it's an activity it's a hobby it's a leisure event okay same as golf kind of if you think about it's a sport god damn it right swim is not and swim is a sport yeah michael phelps is an athlete and it's a sport yeah he's not just a hobbyist he's an elite athlete good at his hobby he's the best hobbyist synchronized swimming now that's a sport right that's a team sport

so anyway i was obviously when i show up to these things i planned on just being a passive watcher not really getting involved i didn't really want to be one of those parents that gets overly invested in their sports career especially when they're four years old all these kids barely know how to hit a ball and run let alone score and then i was watching some videos last night that i was taking of his practices and realizing i have become that overbearing screaming parent that is cheering their kid on to the point of annoyance of every other parent there this is not even a game this is a practice situation some of its practice some of its game well i'm gonna tell you right now because i heard this a moment ago i'm gonna warn

you that i would turn the volume way down on your car radio right now because i didn't realize it was happening and now it's happened this is so and this is maybe the new most annoying sound on the planet and i will share it with you right now and this is ali cheering for her son at a The first clip is practice, for the record. And this is his flag football, I believe. This is practice. Get his flag, Wesley! Get his flag!

Get him! Get it! Get it! Get it! Get his flag! Jump on him! Get him, Wesley! Oh, man.

Jesus. What are you doing? First of all, the only parent I hear is you. Are there other parents there? There's a guy laughing at you. Yeah, that guy's sitting down just enjoying the day. Well, he was enjoying the day until he got his ears screamed off by you. Some loud-ass lesbian on the sideline yelling, get his flag.

Well, he doesn't get that many opportunities to get close. Isn't there a coach coaching him? By the way, if you listen again, you can hear that Wesley definitely missed the flag based on Ellie's sound of disappointment. Listen to this. Get his flag, Wesley. Get his flag. Get him. Oh, there he is.

Touchdown again. Well, he loses focus. I'm like, come on, man. Keep going. That's the sweetest sound of disappointment I've ever heard. Get him. Oh, loser. Why are you faster?

You're not supposed to vocalize the disappointment as much as you are supposed to be. And by the way, this parent coaching from the sideline, especially the parents that don't really know sports. I'm not coaching. I'm cheering him on. You're not cheering. Cheering is going, yay. You're telling him how to play the game. Get his flag.

Cheering is, ugh. Okay. Well, the coach is. Get his flag, Wesley. Get his flag. Get him. Get it. Get it.

Get it. Get his flag. Jump on him. Get him, Wesley. Go get him, Wesley. Emily, go get him. My wife is saying jump on him, which is what you're not supposed to do. I was going to say, there's one other annoying parent there.

That's your wife? That's my wife, yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. She's saying to jump on the other four-year-old, which is not okay in flag football. That's also terrible advice. You're not only giving bad, you're bad coaching from the sideline. And this is why they've had to put up these signs all over every goddamn outdoor sports field that says, remember, parents, it's just a fun game.

Let's all relax. She even told the coach, you know, because he almost got one kid's flag. And then she was like, he would have gotten it, but the kid's shirt was untucked. So his flags were not as accessible because you're not allowed to have your shirt untucked like that and be hiding your flags. Just to give you a sense of some perspective here, if this was adult flag football, it still would matter for nothing. And this is four-year-old flag football. So just go ahead and put this in perspective. And I get it.

It's your kid. I understand. He needs to pay attention when he's on defense. When he's on defense, he's just effing around with his mouth guard. Well. Follow him. You got it. Go, go, go.

That's another sound of disappointment right there. You got it. Oh, you don't. Well, the other kid, there's another kid who's really fast and really good. Right. He's obviously. And his parents are probably sitting there quietly watching. I don't even think they're there.

I think it's just a nanny. Yeah. If you've got no parents, that's how you know he's going to be a good athlete. And no dad. That's how you tell. He's got to make up for something. Run, Wesley, run. Yes.

Run, Wesley. Now, what did he do there? He got a touchdown. He did? He was the running back, and he ran, and nobody got his flags, and he got a touchdown. All right, well, you notice how this is acceptable right here. This is the only moment that's acceptable is this. Wesley!

Just clapping at his name. All this other yelling and stuff is completely aggravating and annoying everyone on the field. Katie's just as bad. You guys should wear mouth guards on the sidelines so you don't yell. Go, Wesley! Get in there and do that dance. Oh, boy. Do the dance, baby.

That's from the tap dancer, huh? No, we're teaching him his touchdown dance. It's important. Oh, man. Well, you said flag football, right? He got a touchdown. All right. He's got spunk.

He's got potential. All right. I don't know. He's just got to apply himself. Yeah. And these coaches, I know they're volunteers, but they need to get in the game. They're just other parents like you. I did sign Katie up to be an assistant coach for fall ball.

Oh, man. That's going to suck for those kids. All right. Well, congratulations. patience uh it's it really it's remarkable to hear that don't and this is a warning to anyone you're gonna cheer for your kids i get it but like do it inside inside your head okay not like it's just hard i get i get really if we put a muzzle on you would you go back to the like a ball gag sort of situation i just don't know how you can what you've been to these games how do

you watch your kid do something and not try and direct them because i hear the other parents that sound like you and i go i don't want to be that so i just i i just zip it omar you do omar's a coach omar's a real coach yeah i coached him there was no way in hell i would do what you were doing oh yeah yeah yeah and he's the coach ali he couldn't say that that would make sense yeah well you're just an equal opportunity every player has a chance omar when you're on the when you're on the field uh and you hear the because i'm sure at some point you've heard parents in the oh yeah yeah you shoot them a dirty look do you tell them uh they could do whatever they want they're embarrassing themselves i don't care jump on them yeah yeah i've never

heard that no that's not supposed uh we have to take a a break and uh we'll be right back when we return