Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Ally's Celebrity Hookup

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Hey, Rock, we are Klein Alley Show.

There's another celebrity Alley can't have sex with. That's bad news. Another celebrity. Tim Curry, dead. Another celebrity death. They come in threes, don't they? Ain't that always how it is? So who was the, so what, we had Hayden Panettiere?

Oh, yeah, Hayden, Dolly, Tim Curry. And now Tim Curry. That's such a bummer. Never good to be the least famous of the three, but. The best from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Congo? Did you ever see the movie Congo? Yeah, I know who you're talking about.

Is he the clown from It? You know what? Yes. Damn, they take all the good white people, man. They're taking all the wrong whites. Who would be the right whites? Out of curiosity, Johnny. Which whites? We didn't want Hayden Panettiere to die.

We didn't want Dolly Parton to die. There's plenty of bad white people out there. Name them, Johnny. All the terrible ones, you know. There's a lot of people on the phone right now that claim they have access to living celebrities. And apparently, this is an interesting theory, ever since Ali started talking about having a one-night stand with a celebrity, they keep dying. Maybe there's a coincidence. Someone is convinced that Ali somehow mushed Dolly Parton and made some comment even yesterday on the show when she was still alive.

No, I haven't talked about Dolly Parton on the show ever. I don't think that's probably true. I'm sure at some point you mentioned her because when she came out in that Dallas Cowboys cheerleader uniform during, you know, whatever, the halftime of one of the Netflix games. It was a Thanksgiving game or something. Thanksgiving game, yeah. I'm sure you made some comment like, she'll be around forever or something. I didn't say anything like that. But there are a lot of people that would like to connect you with a celebrity so that you can have your one-night-stand hall pass, which has to happen.

Hurry up. Connect me. They're dropping like flies. Thursday or Friday. These celebrities would rather die than have the outside chance of sleeping with Allie. I mean, that's really bad. Hey, I just want to warn you before I start putting these calls on, and there's some good ones here. I want to warn you, Allie, that you said you could sleep with anyone on the A, B, C, or D list because you're looking at one of them.

Hi, this message is for clients. I just want to say, like, I think you might be, like, D list, like, marginally famous now. because, like, first Jamie wore your jacket on SNL and it got to literally rub elbows with Ryan Gosling. That puts me on the D-list. The jacket that I gave the guy from the Gorillaz made it to Saturday Night Live and then he rubbed elbows with Ryan Gosling.

Would your wife support you having sex with me? I don't think she would be... I think she would say if you wanted to. I think she would make that face. Would you want to? She'd be like, why would you want that? Would you want to? And then now I see on your, like, repost, like, Michael Costa from Daily Show, I think, actually commented on your post.

That's right. So I feel like, yeah, you maybe, are you, like, famous now? You're, like, maybe micro-celebrity? Congrats, bro. Sweet dreams. Bye-bye. So, Allie, you could sleep with me, technically. Still probably the, not even in the top ten Kevin Clines that come up when you Google.

Oh, no. No, I'm like the fifth most famous Kevin Kline. Hey, Katie, before we get to these suggestions on the phone, I just want to confirm. This is Allie's wife. You are standing by the fact that you are still giving your wife a legitimate hall pass if it is with a celebrity and it happens this weekend. This doesn't sound very realistic whatsoever. Which part? The sleeping with me part? I mean, like, yeah, who are you going to find to do this?

We have people on the phone now. Every line is full with someone that's got a connection to someone. I'm just letting you know. I know you don't have a lot of confidence, but a lot of people say that to their significant other. Sure, you want to go have sex with Mario Lopez? Have at it, because they don't think they could. Right. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of my attitude about it.

So you think it's just so ridiculous that you can just say yes, because it'll never happen? Yeah, I think so. Clearly, you don't believe in the power of radio. None of us do. Wait, Katie, if Allie does lockdown a celebrity and you said they have to be on the A, B, C, or D list, is that right? I mean, what is a D list celebrity? Hello, hi. Angeline.

Oh, no. Angeline is bigger than D list. I think she looks like 10 minutes from us. Yeah. Don't knock on her door. I think her car's parked outside right now. How can that? I would say A, B, C, not D.

Yeah, we talked about A, B, C. Hey, those people that she saw on the airplane, the Alice and Brie. Oh, yeah, Alice and Brie. She could have had sex with them. That would have been acceptable for you? She's hot. And out of curiosity...

Katie followed her into the bathroom. Are you okay if she sleeps with a man? I mean, whatever. Like, I don't know. This is so hypothetical and so unrealistic. Okay, it's not that unrealistic. There are people out there that want to have sex with me. I'm going to leave you on the phone while you...

Let me say hi to J.R. J.R., what celebrity do you have connection to? Power Ranger. The Black Ranger. Power Ranger's turtle. Roger Velasquez. Okay, hold on. How about that, babe?

The Black Power Ranger. Allie could have the Black Power Ranger. Oh, yeah. That's nice. J.R., you know... She's humoring us. You know the... Oh, I'm nervous.

This is the Black Power Ranger from the original TV show, or you said the most recent movie? No, from the TV show. Original. Power Rangers Turbo. Right. And you have his, how do you know Roger? I have a direct phone number. Why?

Are you friends, or you just have? So I took my Lyft driver, and I picked him up, and we connected, and he gave me his numbers. We came out and... And you recognize him in the back of your Lyft as, wait a minute, are you the Black Power Ranger? I did, because he was going to a Power Ranger con. Was he wearing his costume? All right, hold on, hold on. Hold on, don't hang up.

I love that he would then text the guy and be like, hey, I have a radio person who wants to have sex with you. I like where we're starting. This is just where we're starting. We're already at a Black Power Ranger. It's so ridiculous. Like, can you imagine someone getting a call being like, hey, for this radio show, this person wants to have sex with you. Like, this is low-key prostitution. First of all, it's not prostitution, and it's not for the radio show.

It's not for the radio show at all. It's for fun or summer. Ali is doing this on a quest for all of us to have more fun. Okay. Yep. Mm-hmm. You sound like you're not interested. 714 said you have several celebrity contacts in your phone calling.

and call up Nikki Glaser or Whitney Cummings. I mean, I could. I don't think they would sleep with you. Excuse me. I think I could sleep with one of them. Maybe. Hold on. Hey, Rick, who do you know?

I'm really drunk. Rick, hi. Who's your celebrity connection? I ran into A-lister Patton Oswalt. Where'd you run into him? Shopping off Magnolia in Burbank. It's a wrap. She was at a vinyl record store.

And do you have any contact to Patton Oswalt, or you just ran into him? I just ran into him. There we go. All right. Add him to the list. That would be tough. Biggest threat yet. Also, Ali's got a theory about him, so.

I don't want to say it. I think, like, I mean, I honestly, I don't know why I'm about to say this, but, like, if this is something that could happen, I feel like you need to, like, go out on a date with this person. A date? It's a one-night stand. Yeah. Okay.

I mean, this is just me. Like, this is what I would do, I guess. You know, like, I'm all about. I know. Katie wants it to be all intimate and mean something. We need to connect and vibe. It's funny that you would say that. I would think you'd want this to be as emotionless as possible.

Like, strictly a, like, just, you know, a couple hours of pleasure. And then that's it. Not that they sat down and had a real conversation about cats or something. No, I mean, I'd expect that this person would, like, then be someone we know, right? Like, this is, yeah, I don't know. I'm not thinking about it as just, like, a one and done. Hold on. We have a lady celebrity who is calling in on behalf of herself.

Hello? You are famous? Yes, I am the celebrity. I'm an award-winning mattress actress with an IMDb page with over a dozen credits. And by mattress actress, explain exactly what you mean. Like, you're in those cool commercials? Like, every Labor Day sale, it's all about you? um more testing it out uh think adult film star oh here we go got it you're a man you guys

on the mattress i didn't realize that that's a name for adult film stars or mattress actresses and you've been in uh projects before yeah um i have over a dozen dvds listed to my credit but I've done way more than that. And as a special treat to Allie, I am a trans being. Oh, wow. So I'm willing to do the clam jam for the clam slam. Hold on. Let me get this straight.

You're a post-op trans being? Yeah. So did you do videos before your operation and after? Yeah, a little bit before and after. Wow, that's fascinating. Okay. I don't know if I would put her up there with the Black Power Ranger level of fame. I don't know.

That's pretty exciting. She did do some Mighty Morphin. I know, babe. What about throwing this person in the mix? Yeah, whatever you want. Also, really quick, do you know who the keys to the car are? Oh, my God. The keys to the car.

They're in my fanny pack. Oh, Jesus. This is the gayest conversation ever. Do whatever you want. Even the trans being said, this conversation is getting too gay for her. the keys to the Subaru in my fanny pack. She's going to go ahead and convert back. All right, hold on.

Katie, I just want to make sure we're not going to do any home wrecking here. You are on board with this if it is a real deal offer. Yeah, like hook up with someone cool. We'll see what happens. I'll probably be extremely jealous and hurt. Oh, that's not fun.

But, you know. Anyway, but it'll be fine. You won't leave me is what you're saying. No, I won't leave you. Do you remember that one time where, well, it's too long of a story. No, no, you basically said if you cheat on me, I'll stay with you. Yeah, I was like, my life is really great. I've earned enough points as a wife to say, hey, if I cheat, I'm still good.

Yeah, I mean, it'll hurt my feelings. Yeah, we'll get over that part. That's what therapy is for. All right, okay. Well, Allie, you've had some- Black Power Ranger, Transpian? You've had some tempting offers. Come one, come all.

I'm going to give you the best offer yet. And I think that even Omar is going to have his mind blown in a moment. And that's very rare because, you know, he's jaded. He doesn't care about celebrities. Charles, who do you know? It's me. I was a stunt double for Dewey in Malcolm in the Middle. Listen to this.

This guy was the stunt double for Dewey in Malcolm in the Middle. Got it. Oh, whoa. Omar wants to sleep with him. How many? Ali, come on. Let me ask you a serious question. How many stunts did they do?

Yeah, how many stunts did Dewey do in Malcolm in the Middle? Well, like when things would get spilled on him and stuff like that, that was me. He couldn't get spilled on himself? He was at the water park at the food and, yeah. He said, I'm out. I need a dub stunt double. So they go, we got to spill some juice on this Dewey kid. Bring in the stunt double.

And that was you. Yeah, basically, yeah. Okay. All right, Allie, what do you think of this now? This guy's calling, and you would have sex with Allie. Hell yeah. That's amazing. When his fluids get spilled on me, who's going to take my place?

No one. That's you. I don't think we're going to get much better than this. Understand. 323 wanted to know if Brad Williams was considered C-list. Brad Williams, he is famous enough. I don't know if his wife would be okay with him sleeping with you. I feel like I could probably sleep with his wife.

Yeah, you probably could. But then we're no longer. Once again, I know you're still on the phone. I'm sorry we're talking past. Sorry, Dewey. Sorry, stunt double Dewey. Have you had any other credits to your name, or is that the only one? Yeah, I think so.

That's it? You just did the one? I don't think, like, if he goes out trying to get another stunt work job, and he's like, I did stunt work for... Anyone else need to be spilled on? That's his only skill? All right, hold on. That's an interesting offer.

David, you know famous people as well. Allie, once again, it's a celebrity hall pass, one-night stand. We just got verbal confirmation from our wife. It has to happen this weekend. Who do you know? All right, so I got an A-lister, a C-lister, and then maybe some hopefully still alive A-listers. So I got my girlfriend's aunt's boyfriend is the guitarist for Sublime.

my girlfriend's mom knows Chris the lead guitarist from Foo Fighters my girlfriend's mom also was on the tour bus with Grateful Dead and she knows probably more guitarists and

musicians and all that kind of stuff your girlfriend's mom sounds like a real slug she's been on a lot of tour buses she knows in a biblical sense a lot of guitarists oh yeah okay all right hold on that's david he's got access access he claims to famous guitarist 310 wants to know if the lie detector guy is considered a c-list celebrity man that would make his dreams come true mine too uh i think he's famous enough he's been in some things 213 said they have Kristen Bell's number

That would be great Alright 213 See if you can get Kristen Bell I'm being serious We don't need to actually Ally doesn't have to have sex with a celebrity for you to earn the tickets They said they can't call in right now but they went to college with her We need to have contacts

We just need to have the contacts Even if the celebrity calls to reject Ally I love that this person who went to college with her Would just pass along her number I think that's great I think that's a good listener That's a good fan of the show we have to take this break now

because we're up on the clock and Vanessa's yelling in my ear. But we will come back once again. We need if it's going to be right now the front runner I think is Black Power Ranger and the stunt double for Dewey. Agreed. Both men. Yeah. Also let's not forget about that thespian

the transbian. The transbian it called. I'm down for that too. Mattress actress. She's a mattress actress. So we do have options. I don't know if we've officially hit the C or D list yet. I think we're still a little below that list but We can work our way up. We've got to start somewhere.

I like where we're going. So if it takes you some time throughout the show today to track someone down or call Kristen Bell and get her to call us, that's fine. We're here live until 11 o'clock, so we can make it happen. We've got to take a quick break, though. We're back with your news, and then we're going to get into your Weezer tickets, and that's coming up in about 15 minutes right here. Okay, right.