Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Ally's Leftover Sperm

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Kline Alley Show. Kline Alley Show.

If you're currently feuding with siblings, we need your stories later this morning to get you into our endless summer kegger. Obviously, there's a big sibling feud happening with the Buss family about the Lakers, and that's been going on for a while. I would argue the Lakers, which brought that family together, is now tearing them apart at the very seams. And we realize that not all of us own NBA basketball teams, but that doesn't mean that we have not gotten into massive fights with our siblings. A lot of people don't speak to them anymore. I have a couple of friends, I didn't even know they had siblings. And then they're like, yeah, we don't talk anymore. And sometimes it is because of so-and-so's uncle died, left something to someone, said split it up among your siblings.

I feel like it's the most common cutoff relationship. If someone dies and then people fight over the will or the house or something like that. But we'll get to your stories a little bit later and invite some of you to come hang out with us at the Endless Summer Kegger slash the Clamslam happening on September 3rd in Newport Beach. It's interesting you mentioned siblings because I received an email yesterday that brought up a very interesting question that I now, and I have to make an important decision. And I would like your advice. I don't know why I want your advice, but here's the email I received. Now, when we decided to have kids, we bought sperm. We picked a donor.

Which was so stupid. I'll be honest, Allie. We all offered you. I'm producing so much. I don't want sperm, I know. Producing so much. Dripping out my ears. The sperm you know beats the sperm you don't.

And let's be honest, you've got a really potent show here. Omar was able to make kids, no problem. Me, two of them. You would not be able to handle it if I had a child in my belly that was from you. Sure I would. But you would not be emotionally connected to that child? You wouldn't feel a need to maybe attend a birthday party or send a present? No, because it would be like, here you go.

I'd sign something that says I've got a... So you can totally separate. Oh, yeah. Interesting. so i and other couples will pick somebody they know or get it for free we chose we want complete anonymity we don't want to know the person we don't want to know what what other sperm they've donated anything like that i thought you had to pay extra if you wanted to know the person like they could give you more information about the more information but not the identity of the

person but we did the person we chose when my kid is 18 he can contact that person if he wants to Sucks for that guy. You want to make sure he was white, blue-eyed, and blonde, right? That is what Allie said. No. Allie said, give me the old Hitler special. I want the Aryan sperm. Yeah.

No. We chose somebody who had the same background as Katie. That's how we chose. Okay. It was somebody who had similar. Alcoholism. Was that? Irish, yeah.

That's what you went for. Irish and French. So we used the sperm to have our kid, and then we have this one, right? So we have one leftover. One sperm left? We have one vial left over. And the vial's full of them, right? It's got millions in there.

Yeah, there's millions. There has to be a minimum of 10 million, I think, in order for, otherwise I get my money back. Those all sit in a freezer somewhere. Yeah, they're being frozen, and I pay for the freezer storage. So I got the email yesterday, hey, it's time for renewal for your storage. What's that cost? Oh, it's like $300 or $600 a year, I can't remember. But it's like, I don't want to pay for it anymore because we're done.

I don't want to use the sperm anymore. We're done making babies. It's not done, though. Yeah, I mean, technically, we're not done. We're in the process of being done. So if I sell it, I can sell it back to the sperm bank for half of what I paid. That's option one. So I spent a certain amount of money on the sperm.

I can sell it back to them for 50%. And what will they try to do, resell it? They'll try to resell it to the highest bidder, and they'll probably increase the price. So I'm wondering, what are the other options, right? Can I go on Craigslist? Yeah, you can definitely sell black market sperm. Do you put sperm on offer up? I'm sure Johnny would drink it.

I'm sure bodybuilders want it. There's got to be something. Yeah. Some other use, right? When you say you'd get half back for it, this is, give me an idea of what that really, what's the retail value for sperm? So when I bought the initial sperm, which is just the insemination sperm, I believe it was $1,200 per vial. And is it like racehorses where certain ones are worth more than others if they've won races or if they've done things in their life? No, but the other ones we bought.

So we bought two additional ones that were IVF vials. Those were $2,200 each. So that's the one that I have. You have an IVF vial. That was $2,200 when I paid for it. So I would get a check for $1,100 back. You got to take that. I don't think you're going to do better than that.

I couldn't imagine. You don't think I could get more for it if I sold it on offer up? I mean, I'm giving this stuff away daily. Giving it away. I'm literally putting it in the trash. Yeah, and they're raising their prices. It's insane. So then when I called, I said, are there any other options?

Can I sell it to somebody else or transfer the ownership of this vial to another person? They said you can, but it has to be somebody who has already bought that sperm and had a kid with that sperm donor. How do you know how many times this guy's even donated? Like, are you able to, is this one of those guys? They know. Oh, they do? So I go, well, if I were to sell, so if I were to give it to somebody else or send it to somebody else, It would have to be somebody who already has a kid with that same sperm.

So I say, how do you find those people? And she goes, well, you can put your kid on a sibling registry. Oh, right, right, right. And I can put his name's Wesley. This is the donor number. I could have 57 half brothers. And then it can connect me with all of the people that have had a kid with that sperm donor. So I would see all these half Wesleys with pictures.

And I can connect with the people who have that kid. We can all do meet-up groups if we want. A couple things, though. You don't know if this was a one-off guy that was just hard up for some cash, needed to go ahead and finish into a little petri dish just to make some money. Just to make $100, right. Or if this was a guy that was like, hey. Because I believe once guys realize they're good at this and the money's good,

they'll just keep churning. Well, I think that it's also a pride thing. Like, hey, look it. You think so? I'm providing life to other people. But this guy, when he donated, I know he was in his 20s, which is when most people want side cash for weed money. Sure, of course. But this guy also had clean bit, like they test you and all this stuff.

But the question is, should I give it to somebody else that probably needs it? So you could donate it. I could donate it. You could be a donor donor. Right. I could just donate it to somebody who's like, hey, we have a kid with this sperm donor, but we need more sperm. You want to give it to us? and but it opens up this whole world of should i know how many other wesleys there are out there

should i know what all of his siblings are are there one are there five are there five million it's a it's a once you get do i want to be friends with the other half siblings no you don't but once you get in that world i feel like you you know you got to be careful because once you start down that path you don't know where it leads exactly and then you start finding out there's six others that were made from the same sperm and they're all in jail for different things right or do they all live in the same area are they spread out throughout the united states you're opening up a whole can of worms or do i just take the money and rub you got to take the eleven hundred dollars and call it a day that's the right answer i mean the other thing you could do is and someone

pointed this out on the text line as well you could water that down turn that one vial into about four vials right try to then you know just cut it quadrant just keep cutting it like good drug just cut cutting cocaine baby aspirin just keep cutting it and then i'll get people a taste before they buy it. Yeah, try this. Just a little taste. But I think that if you've got guaranteed money

and they're saying we'll buy it back for half and you don't need it, I would wait, though. Listen, here's the thing. I know you have to make the decision now. When you're so cheap,

you don't want to pay for an extra day of storage. Yeah, I have until September 14th to decide. I wonder if it's like storage wars where if you don't pay on time, someone can just go in there

and bid a dollar and leave with it. I got a bunch of old baseball cards and this jug of jizz. Right. But here's the thing. They can sell it

to whoever they want, But I can't. I think you're going to mush yourself if you sell it too soon. I know you're pregnant now. I know everything's going well. But don't you think you should hold it as an insurance policy? Just until I'm holding it. Even if you have to move it to your own freezer?

Well, and then how long do I wait for, right? Do I wait until both of them are 18? No way. You're on pain and storage. Because what if one of them... Right. Oh, yeah. Because couldn't you use that to grow another one just to have spare body parts?

Sure. Who knows? That's a great idea. Body farming. Where's the Facebook group for that? We have to take a ride. There's a lot of good suggestions on the text line. 208 do all the other wesleys wear tutus as well i don't know you should find that out i would have

to go to the sibling registry i think they should cut you back a little bit of refund just for what you got in the first batch that's all i'm saying i got the best all right we gotta take a break we get back in a moment with your actual news and a fitting tribute for a club that we were all a member of that's now officially going away we say rip to columbia house as a collective unit after this.