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About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be.
The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports.
That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day.
Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is.
Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport.
Okay, enough shilling.
Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show.
I've said before that in an effort to try to make your day better, we make our days much worse,
especially our personal lives, personal relationships, because we share far too much on the show.
The amount of damage control we have to do when we get home is massive.
It's nonstop.
It's like four hours of damage every morning and then 20 hours of damage control at home.
And then you kind of get back to homeostasis and it starts all over again.
And then I look and I'm like, oh man, we've got to talk about this Elena Bovian thing.
jesus christ i just i just put that fire out at home and now i gotta start that fire again and
now ally had to sit down with her wife yesterday and have the uncomfortable conversation about your
fun or summer challenge which is to have a one-night stand yeah and really the only thing
i thought i could do was have a threesome with my wife because otherwise it would just be blatant
cheating and i did ask an ai dating coach about this i got assigned an ai personality to talk to
about how i'm going to convince my wife to do this she gave me some advice your wife needs to feel
safe and genuinely enthusiastic about this with a real person go have that conversation tonight
and come back and tell me what you've learned all right well i'm gonna do it and you know the door's
not closed on you either just saying that's still a possibility hey i appreciate the interest but
that's not my lane so she rejected me so ali got rejected by the ai dating coach even though she
hit on her but she said you need to go talk to your wife and sit down and have the uncomfortable
conversation yeah because we had had a threesome years ago and she said she never wanted to do it
again right so i thought the door was closed but i wanted to ask her why what didn't she like what
made her feel uncomfortable can we work through it so this was ali once again sitting down with
her wife having a conversation this was post dinner does she know she's being recorded or
no okay great now she knows here we go i don't smell anything b.o wait what oh this did start
with her asking me to smell her armpits.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Is that like lesbian foreplay?
I don't know what she...
I think because I have a higher sense of smell being pregnant,
she wanted to know if I could smell her B.O.
So that was the experiment.
That was the post-dinner experiment.
This was at the table?
I'm forced to do that.
This was where we're bringing the plates back into the kitchen.
Oh, man.
What a terrible way to...
We eavesdropped it on the wrong part of this conversation.
This is our foreplay.
Someone said,
you're going to eavesdrop it on two lesbians
talking about a threesome.
I would have said,
that's a conversation I want to hear.
and yet this is what i get it's like so terrible how excited i was for what i just got i don't
smell anything oh yeah i do kind of smell no we love each other and everyone has a laugh about
that that is the wrong reaction she needed to shower and then she did well anyway then i got
to the question right it's nice nice way to transition suck all the sexuality out of this
conversation before you get into it you know how we did vanessa's summer challenge or whatever
do you know what my sororities are i think one was a threesome yes okay so i just wanted to know
when we did have one what made you uncomfortable i don't want to talk about it yikes we started
off at a negative place but there were some there was some closure at the end and the doors open
i don't like thinking about it all of it's uncomfortable well is there anything that
would not make you feel uncomfortable about it like if we downloaded an app and started swiping
on people that could we could go on a date oh my god this makes me want to throw up a date
we're just talking about the b.o or the conversation
it's hard to keep track of what's making you want to throw up here so what you are pitching to her
it seems like a pretty like let's just see let's just go on a date with somebody our toe in it
sort of thing she seems like she's got no one none of this no throw up a date honey i think
i'm demi-sexual which is like what's that thing that you only so like dummies oh she's dummy
sexual i am in love with dummies that's why i picked you honey i'm a dummy sexual which is
like what's that thing that you only are sexually attracted to people you love well you can love
anyone for a minute no no wow so she's so like aunt it's so funny because she's such a social
butterfly i've seen her get people's numbers i've seen her hit on at least it looks like but maybe
she's just thinking this is all friendly i've seen her get phone numbers from bartenders before
she's hanging out with friends all topless friends dancing in the backyard topless with
other friends and you claim that's just like a workout or something yes and the thing is you all
make fun because you think she's cheating
on me constantly and she gets upset because
she's like, I would never even dream of
doing that. She's like, I am dummy sexual and these
people are too smart. I keep my love
for you. Oh, that's the Jedi
mind trick stuff she's pulling. Well, what am I
going to do then about this challenge?
Because I'm supposed to have a one night stand.
What? That's not a threesome.
Well, that's the only reason I thought we could do it
would be a threesome. But if you're out,
then I gotta go rogue. Are you serious?
I mean, I have to complete it.
I love it that you're taking this job so seriously, of all of the stupid things we've said we have to do around here.
I have to cheat on you.
When we said it's time for you to chrome your dome, Allie, you said, not doing that, moving on.
And this one, you're like, I have to do it.
I have to do it.
There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
So what am I going to do?
Shut up.
I guess do it virtually.
Oh.
Go.
Do it.
Really?
Do it.
Would that turn you on if I did?
No.
See what happens.
Oh, what the hell?
What is, in her opinion, what does virtually mean?
Well, I talked to her about a couple options.
Do it and see what happens.
You are going to owe, I'm going to have a list of things that you owe me for the rest of my life.
Oh, my God.
I've been virtual.
I don't owe you anything.
Yeah, you will.
Maybe I'll just hook up with, like, an OnlyFans model.
No, stop.
What about a robot?
Like, AI?
Sure.
That's fine.
So, all right, so you've worn her down.
So we reached a conclusion.
So, hold on.
So the negotiation went, I don't want to do the threesome.
You can do the one night stand virtually.
And then you talked about what virtual is.
And you said, maybe I'll meet like an OnlyFans person.
And then she didn't like that idea.
So she settled on AI.
And you went, but you kind of did some bad negotiating there because you went right from real human to robot like so quick.
Well, she suggested virtually.
But you know what?
Keep playing it because she did come around.
We talked for a while.
And then she kind of suggested that she might be interested.
There's a part of me that wants it.
Like, how fun could that be?
Like, I do see, I mean, it's...
What is that?
It's sizzling.
Is that her armpits?
That's bacon.
Oh, you guys are making...
It's our dessert, bacon.
Hold on.
We rub each other in bacon.
Well, you guys have the conversations about the threesomes followed by bacon.
It sounds like the greatest house ever.
There's a part of me that wants it.
What are you cooking right now?
We're doing the dishes.
Oh, I thought you already had dinner.
I was going to say, are you having after-dinner bacon?
I love what's going on in your house.
How fun could that be?
Like, I do see, I mean, especially if this person looks like Taylor Swift.
Right.
I knew you were going to say that.
So now she's, like, getting all, if there's, if the person is, if she's physically attracted to the person.
Well, now she's, like, if it was a person like Taylor Swift, who I'm already in love with, then we could do it that way.
Then her little dummy sexual thing works.
Exactly.
As long as they look like someone she's already in love with.
Yeah.
And I was, like, if we were to meet Taylor Swift, and then would you have sex with her?
And she was like, well, if we all vibed with each other, and I was like, well, that's never going to happen.
Right.
This is such a ridiculous hypothetical because that's never going to happen anyway.
So the question is, can we find someone that slightly resembles her if you're drunk enough and the lighting is dim enough?
Right.
There's a lot of things, variables that have to happen.
All right.
Well, you have between now and Labor Day, but it's like you've laid the groundwork and it wasn't a no.
I mean, it started as like a pretty hard no, and then it ended with like there's some bacon and some maybes.
Yes, bacon and maybes.
Hey, hey, hey.
That's right.
Come on in
We got a quick break
We smell like BO
I don't like you
We will be back
That's what we're all thinking right now, Taylor
Thank you