Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Can't Say Anything Bad About Dolly Parton

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. OK, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. There's one thing we know for sure. It's that if a big death is going to happen, it will always happen the second we get off the radio. And that's what happened yesterday. We were off the air. We went to the back office.

We started having a chat about today's show. And then we heard, sadly, over the airwaves of K-Rock, broken to us by Sluggo, that Dolly Parton was dead. And, you know, listen, regardless if you don't like country music like I don't, because I think that's what she was known for, was kind of the pioneer of the face of country music, which to me is a, you know, I don't like music, period, but specifically country. Ugh, can't stand it. I liked Dolly, always liked Dolly Parton. Found her to be likable.

And then we decided that everyone liked Dolly Parton, so we sent Jake into the streets to see if he could find anyone to say anything bad about Dolly Parton. And it was a difficult, difficult job. What's your name? What's your name, dude? You're wearing a Dolly Parton shirt. Oh, yes, yeah, I am.

Whatever, tonight was the night to at least bring the shirt out. Sure. Yeah, yeah. What are your feelings on Dolly Parton? A legend, you know. I grew up with her music, and her ashes are in the same cemetery as my family's. You know, Tennessee family. So they're having me go out, and I can't go home until I can find someone to say something bad about Dolly Parton.

That's not really what the assignment was, Jake. I just didn't want to get punched in the face. Well, we said you're going to get a lot of people to say nice things about Dolly. Let's, you know, any good news journalist wants to get both sides of the story. So can you find anyone to be on the opposite side of that? It wasn't, we're not saying go out and get people to say bad things about Dolly Parton. And don't go home until you get one. We never said that.

That's what you said to me. No, we didn't. Who said that to you? All you guys. Don't go home until you get people to say bad things about Dolly Parton. This man with giant jugs just kept asking me. He said, please say something bad about Dolly Parton. We really, the assignment was, could you find anyone to say anything?

not not force them to say something bad just the idea is there anything bad to say about someone that's universally loved can you do that i i don't have any bad ideas i i i don't know i didn't know what controversy she was involved in what's the worst you can say about dolly park see this i don't like this now this is turning into now saying mean things about a dead person She had an evil spirit, didn't she? I'm not into fake boobs. Oh. Sounds something.

Like, I'm not. Isn't that terrible? So it says more on me than her. So there you go. You turned it around on him. That's a his issue. That's on me. I don't like fake boobs.

There's something wrong with me. Jake, I went up to another woman who was mourning the loss of Dolly Parton. What's your name? Paige. Paige from where? Here. That's Paige from here, if you're keeping track. Right?

Here? So this is Paige, and Jake wants... Don't overthink it. She's going to give us some of her real thoughts about the passing of Dolly Parton, followed by Jake immediately forcing her to say mean things about her. Paige, from where? Here. Paige, what are your feelings on Dolly Parton?

I'm devastated. I love how she... God damn it. You came up to me after I'm drinking Tecate. You hear Jake's crickets in the background. It's hard because there's a lot of noise. God, how can you still hear them? It's amazing.

I love how she harnessed the blonde bimbo aesthetic, claimed ownership over it, got ahead of everyone on that. And she did that before OnlyFans, before the rest of us who went out and enjoyed ourselves. So she claims before OnlyFans, before people were celebrating their sexuality, taking control of it, that was something that Dolly Parton did. She was one of the first to do that, yeah. I appreciate that as well. Is that how you would categorize yourself? I would love to categorize myself that way, but I don't think I'm blonde enough. So she wishes she was a blonde bimbo like Dolly, but she doesn't think she's blonde enough.

Well, you think about also how we all feel still, like we have to be beautiful, but not make it look like it's effort, you know, and you have to make it look like it's all natural and that, oh, whoopsie, I'm beautiful. I don't think anyone's accused you of putting the effort into looking good. I'm not saying me, just saying as in general in society. okay it's like oh whoopsies i'm beautiful and she's like no i pay doctors to look like this anyway so jake try to ask this woman page if she can say anything bad about dolly uh so they're not letting me go home if i can find someone that can say something bad about dolly parton when you say they do you you didn't mention that you're gonna radio like do you say you're a k rotley do you who is the they that won't let you go home you too

You're going to lose your job. I don't think... Don't come back until you have the story. I mean, we were all at the same meeting. I don't think anyone said that. Um... I mean, maybe she catered more to the, like, male. Oh, maybe that's it.

I mean, that's the one thing, I guess. She catered more to the male? The male. M-A-L-E or M-A-I-L? The male. She loved the USPS. All right, well, that's Jake trying to find anyone to say anything bad about Dolly Parton, which is not easy. No, it's not.

But Allie was busy saying that Dolly Parton, on top of being known for music and her giant rack and everything else, she was actually very funny. Yeah, and she was one of the most quotable people. So I compiled my ten most favorite quotes, the best Dolly quotes of all time from one to ten. So this is according to Allie. How do you boil down 80 years on this planet into ten quotes? and it's not easy but Ali went through hundreds to give to you for those of you that are not aware or just to want a refresher

as we pay a proper respects now these are the 10 greatest quotes from Dolly Part according to Ali number 10 is one that you may have seen on your feet already and it's it costs a lot of money to look this cheap that's a good one

then we go to number 9 who said people always ask me how long it takes to do my hair I don't know I'm never there Which I liked Number eight Her delivery's better by the way Huh? Well yeah

Her delivery's way better Of course I thought we had the audio Of her doing these I thought that was a fan too You think I have audio Of every single one? No

Yeah I said you have the audio Ready to go on the quotes You didn't say the audio I think I did No you did not What? I don't have audio Of every single one of these

That's how you do it In her accent Ooh How about Vanessa does it As Dolly Parton Tracking down the audio Of every single one Of these quotes

These are her best quotes Her ten best quotes, you would think they're all over the place. Well, then you effing find them. Why don't you go find something for once? I didn't want to do this. I've been dealing with, like, hours and hours of audio that I'm cutting through today. Are you kidding me? You said I wanted to pay tributes to Dolly Parton with her best quotes.

I said best quotes. I'm not going to find, I can't find the audio of every single quote. Oh, I thought, not all of them. I thought of the ten. Are there any with audio? I don't have them. Jeez. Oh, what a tribute.

Then forget it. Eff you guys. Apologies to Dolly and her family. I thought this was going to be a good idea. Then what do you have? Allie, you can't go home unless you get quotes. Listen, this wasn't my idea. But it wasn't my idea to have all the quotes ready through audio.

Was anyone else expecting quotes here from Dolly? With her accent. Apparently, that was your expectation, and you told me, don't go home until I've got them. I said, do not go home if you don't get the quotes. You guys are jerks. All right, let me hear the next one. No, I'm not going to do it. Now I'm interested.

No, I don't care if you're interested. It's over. We're not going to do it. It's over? No. That was our tribute, three quotes? No, because if you're going to sit there and make fun of it and go, you don't have the audio, then it's not fun. So, screw you.

I see a bunch of Dolly audio in here. Yeah, I know. That I've been going through all day, douche. I thought these were the quotes. I don't have all of the quotes of everything she's ever said. Hold on. Is this one of them? You know how long it even took me to find all the quotes?

How about this? And order them properly? Hey, everyone. My name is Brian Seaver, son of Cassie Parton, and I'm representing the Parton and Owens family today, announcing the passing of my Aunt Dolly Rebecca Parton Dean. That's one. We got that on you. That's one quote from not her. There's like 40 Dolly quotes here.

There's not 40 Dolly quotes. Let's try it in the accent like Vanessa said. No, I'm not doing it. What? No, if you're going to bitch about it, then forget it. I'm not going to do it. You can't go home until I get the quotes. Why don't we all go find as many of them as I can,

and we'll do it tomorrow when no one cares. Hey, Luke, you're on KROQ. Good morning. I don't think you guys realized that Allie mushed Dolly yesterday. She said she would sleep with Dolly. That's not... No, I didn't say that. When did that happen yesterday during the show?

No, she was talking about somebody else. I was talking about somebody else. She was talking about Betty White. Yeah, Betty White. Yeah, that's what it is. Okay, yeah. Don't blame Allie for this. We're blaming her for enough right now.

I'm glad we screened that. Don't jump on. Don't jump on. All right, well, Dolly. Everyone's doing their jobs today. That was our tribute to you. You're welcome. And thank you for all of your quotes.

And there's more where those came from, and we will share them all after this. Good job, Ali, says 818. That was a great quote. You guys aren't good at tributes. No S.