Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Common Things You've Never Done

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Just imagine for a moment you standing there by the beach, Newport Beach, beer in hand, watching Slightly Stupid at the Endless Summer Kegger, thinking to yourself,

I thought I was going to make it through this entire summer without doing anything fun, and now here I am. Klein Alley Show is here. I take that as a good thing or a bad thing, but the entire event I'm sure will be fun, and the only way to win your way in is by sadly listening to us and listening to K-Rock. So, the question we have for you today, right now, is what is something that, shockingly, you have never done? Maybe you've never been to a concert. That would be wild. It's people that have done that. Maybe you were dabbling in agoraphobia for all of your life, and now you're finally like, I've got to get out and see what this is all about.

So, we've got people on the phone now. I mean, I haven't taken these calls yet, but the text line, if this is any indication, someone that I said a moment ago, they had a trilogy of things that they've never done. 951 says, I've never done shrooms, never gone camping, and never done anal. Oh, you haven't lived. So that's 9-5-1. I do all three at once. 9-5-1. That's what Allie calls it on a Tuesday.

So we'll take your calls now, 805-201-067. Let's figure out something you've never done. And perhaps, maybe, we can actually make that thing something that you do at our Endless Summer Kegger. I mean, probably can't do the shroom anal thing, but we can probably come up with something else. I think we could make that happen. Donovan, what is something, shockingly, you have never done? Hi, good morning. Sweet divots, shout out GameBangers.

Nice. What's up? So I've never ridden a bike, which is ironic because I've always wanted to ride a unicycle with no bike seat. Okay, that's funny. It's an interesting... But you've never... Did you ever learn how to ride a bicycle? No, I never had.

And I've never done anal as well, too. Oh, okay, cool. That unicycle can take care of that if you've got no bike seat. All callers from now on start off with whether or not you've done anal, and then we'll move on. But you say that no one ever taught you how to ride a bike, and you got to a certain age where you're like, wow, I just still don't know how to ride this thing. So if you were to go, are you a training wheels guy, or you just avoid bicycles? I just avoid bicycles. Smart.

Man, so if you've been in a group where they're like, let's all rent bikes for the day and go by the beach, you're just, you're out. Yeah. I've never had friends. Excuse me, it's nice to go to little cruisers. I think if you can get past middle school, high school, and never learn how to ride a bike, you could probably coast into your adulthood and never have to deal with it again until at one point you'll probably maybe have to teach someone how to ride a bike, and if you never learned it yourself.

That is a weird thing, though, because you take for granted the fact. Does everyone here know how to ride a bike on the show? I'm just curious. I used to ride BMX for years. Okay. I don't need to brag about it. Me too. All right.

So we all know how to ride a bike. Vanessa, you know how to ride a bike? Oddly quiet. She's taking the calls. I'm not sure if Allie knows how to ride a bike Excuse me, I learned how to ride a bike I've done BMX for years No, you have not done BMX for years

I mean, if you think about it Riding a bike well and knowing how to ride a bike are two different things There's tons of video and audio, Allie I believe, of you actually crashing your bike It's been a long time since anyone's ever enjoyed this And this is the only one on video I've crashed bikes several times

Yeah, I mean, this was Allie learning how to ride a bike Say hi! Real audio of Allie there falling off a bike. That is not made up. And another time, I actually was riding a bike in flip-flops. I went over a speed bump. My foot slipped off the pedal and got jammed into the spokes. I flew over the bike, and I broke my clavicle and my elbow.

Speaking of breaking bones. So, Donovan, just keep doing what you're doing. Christina, what is something you've never done? Hi. I've never broken a bone in my body. hmm that is so you've done anal clearly she didn't say she didn't so we have to assume she's very limber it sounds like so you've never i've cracked my chin open but never never a bone i've never had the honor of having a cast sign um from my friends as a kid uh i did uh i ran

into a friend recently because i was talking about how my daughter broke her wrist on the second day of school or something and he said and he's uh you know 40 whatever and he said yeah i've never broken a bone either it's a weird thing and he's like i'm kind of feel left out i feel like i didn't get my i broke a bone story i feel like it's a good it's a good thing until a certain age and then you kind of missed out on it on a regular life experience that everyone else has nothing great about break bringing the bone sucks uh for the most part except for maybe if you get that cast that people sign but if you kind of feel like a veteran of life right like you really lived enough to break stuff and the people that break that are like you know very breakable they like

to flex on oh i broke my that broke my arm three times i broke my leg once i broke my back people love to do in the whole, all the things I've broken stuff. Yeah, and almost broken bone stories are really lame. So, Christina, if you do win this, we'll bring you to the kegger and break a bone, which will be a lot of fun, I'm sure. Cool. Let's say hi to Paul. Paul, what have you never done in life?

Hi, my name's Paul. 44 years old. I am proud to say I've never done any drugs, ever. Not even weed? No, I don't have a salad. And I'm really super paranoid about I'm taking drugs because I have family members that have become addicts.

Yeah, right. And I've seen what they've done for themselves. So I am totally paranoid about it. So you've never touched a, I think I just heard somebody yell pussy. What is that? You don't know paranoid until you've done meth, Paul. Yeah, you want to talk paranoid. So you've never been tempted.

You've never, you just stay far away. Just say no. That's your thing. You know what? It was a deal in my head with the bear kids. Just say no. and I've been like that the whole time. I preach it to my kids.

I'm proud to say, 44 years old, never touched it. How about alcohol or cigarettes? Yeah, what about drinking? Alcohol is on. Yeah, I'm definitely alcohol-free with alcohol, but just not. I have A-O-K with alcohol. All right, all right.

That's interesting. Never touched a drug. I bet his kids think he's super cool. Let me say hi to Erica. She's never done something that the rest of the world has done. Erica, good morning. You're on KROQ.

What's up? Good morning. Speak to Mitch. I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies. Wow. That's hard to say. Because, Klein, you're not really a Star Wars fan, but you've seen the movies. Like, most people, even if you're not a fan, you've seen at least one.

I can't follow along with the storyline, but I know the movies, some of them. You can't follow any of it? Not most of it. I don't know what's going on. I like that hairy guy. I relate with him, Chewbacca. But most of what's going on up there, I couldn't possibly. I'm not good at the, oh, don't you understand?

That's the future Anakin. That's Anakin's mother. I don't know. Yeah, you don't care about any of that stuff. No, no, no. But I have seen them, sure. Some of them multiple times, probably even. And Erica, I'm sure you've been approached by many of Star Wars nerds trying to get you to watch them and tell you how great they are. Yes. Everyone

thinks that they're going to convince me. They're going to make me a fan, and I just have no interest. At this point, you're like, I just don't watch them. Once you get to a certain place, you go, I'm so proud of the fact that I've never done that. I was very proud of the fact purchased anything. I never went into an Abercrombie and Fitch in my entire life. And when that

was the big trend, if I was going to go to the mall and go to Abercrombie, I didn't go there. I never went there. And then it became cool. I thought that I was like, I never went to that stupid store. No, you shopped at Hollister. That's right. Right across the mall where things were half the price. We say hi to Chris. Chris, what is something you've never done?

Hey, sweet divots. And just for the record, I've been the annuler, but never the ain't old okay great thanks for that thanks for telling us a lot of details so my yeah never uh have done would be a rub and tug oh well i feel like a lot of people haven't done that though yeah i've never been in one of those yes you have what you told me about it didn't you no off the air oh got it never been

no you're not missing anything none of us have been i guess right Like, have you ever been to a place that's like a seedy massage parlor hoping that that would be how it ended? And it just doesn't. Like, have you wanted to do that? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. I've even lifted the hips up and tried to tuck it low.

I mean, I've done every trick. Yeah, all right, all right. You tell them the line about how you've been the analer but never the anal. Appreciate the effort, sir. Always the bridesmaid. Maybe that's a you problem. Maybe you are going to the right places. Joseph, Al, you asked for this.

Sir, this is a Marriott. Joseph, you're on KROQ. Good morning. Good morning. What have you never done? Ali said it right away. I've never been to a concert in my life. No way.

That's wise. You were never walking through a park randomly and there was someone performing? I know that doesn't necessarily count, but like... No, I spent a long period of my life incarcerated, so I went to jail when I was 19 and got out when I was 32. Wow. So you guys definitely done anal. Yeah.

Uh, so... Yes, that I have. Many times. They call me Dr. Gape. Hey, uh, Joseph, in all seriousness, um, what were you, uh, locked away for? Um, I stole a car. That's, and you were in prison for that long?

Yeah, well, there was, like, um, other, like, uh, I stole a car, and there was, like, like, game things and stuff like that, so it was a lot of extras. Oh, okay, so there was a few different charges there. So now you're living life for the first time in a lot of ways. Yeah, I barely got my license last year, and I'm barely living life.

So there's a ton of things you've never experienced then. I mean, have you had any nap before? Yeah, I've never been to a bar. You've never been to a bar? No, even coming home, I've still never been to a bar. Oh, wow. Are you sober? Or, I mean, no, I drink a beer here and there, but I don't, I just kind of like, oh, you know, nobody's going to say, hey, you know what, let me take you to a bar.

When you think about that, you get locked up for how many years total were you in there? I can't do math. 13? 12. 12 years. So you're, that's, and you missed that whole chunk of time between 19 and 30. Think about how many first times happened in that window. I mean, almost all the big firsts happen in your 20s, right?

When you're just young and stupid. You ever play Powerball? No. Oh, exhilarating. That's incredible. So, but you've drank and done drugs and stuff like that, just not out in the open in the free world. In prison, probably. In prison, probably drank that toilet wine.

Pruno. Yeah, toilet wine. Yeah. Yeah, I miss that stuff. All right, I'll hold on one second. That's Joe. I mean, I'd love to give this guy his first concert experience. He's never been to a concert.

The guy did his time. He's reformed, I think. Well, we don't know. Maybe they just got overcrowded and sent him out. All right, that's an interesting one. I like that. uh jasmine i'm k-rock good morning hi hi good morning what have you never done um i've never been to vegas how old are you 37 oh wow so you've never been invited to a

bachelorette party or just any kind of getaway weekend in vegas no wow and you've grown up in southern california yes wow my whole life i've been in california have you had friends that have gone to Vegas and you were omitted? Like, you saw pictures? Oh, yeah, and it was, for a while, it was a tradition in my family that when you turn 21, the family takes you for a trip to Vegas, and they skip me.

They skipped you? Oh. God, you must have. I don't know if I want to have any of these people. You ever think about why? You know, we should have thought of this topic before we decided the winners coming to our endless summer of keg. That's a bunch of squares. I can't tell which one of these people want to hang out with the least. The skippable Vegas person,

the guy who doesn't do drugs, never touched them? No. Star Wars girl. I mean, Jesus Christ. It's a real Sophie's Choice here. Alana, you're on KROQ. Good morning and welcome. Hi. Good morning. What have you never done? I never ate sushi.

I could see that, though. I mean, it's hard to avoid in L.A., but I can see why people find it. Really? I understand people that think the whole thing's gross, think it's weird. The idea of eating raw fish. Yeah. And, you know, it's not cheap and I can see a bunch of people skipping it. And I think that's also one of those things, if you get to a certain age, you never had it.

I think it's just like, that's just not on my plate. Yeah. Well, and if you're with a group of people, it's kind of an unlikely thing that you would all go with. But do you think that that's more shocking than the person on the text line that's never had Chipotle their whole life? That seems impossible. It really does seem impossible. I mean, everyone's had it once, I feel like. You think at some point, it's there.

But I guess, once again, if you've never had something, I think it's easier to stick with that. To just keep it going. Jake says he will try a cigarette for the first time ever. I didn't say that. I said I've never had a cigarette. You guys asked if I would at the kegger. I didn't agree to any of that. All right.

Are you not going to smoke a cigarette? I'm not going to smoke an entire cigarette. Hell no. You don't have to smoke an entire cigarette. And then immediately do a PSA about why smoking is bad for the children. Jake, do a puff and I'll do the rest. Only if I get the cigarette from secondhand Cindy. Aw, okay.

She would happily. She'll probably shotgun that right in your mouth. If you want that. We could do that right on stage before we bring out Dirty Heads. I'm okay with a shotgun, Ben. Really? I'd rather just have a shotgun. No, I said I'm okay with, I don't want to do that.

I'll take a puff from her cigarette. Oh, okay. All right, so she, I don't think she'll share any of her cigarettes with you. She loves her cigarettes. No, I think she has those 100s. All right, Allie, we've heard a lot of stories. That's like six cigarettes in one. There's a lot of people on the phone now that would like to tell us things that they've never done.

Never gone skinny dipping. 774 said I have never left my house because I am almost 800 pounds I don't know if that person is real or not if that person is real immediately let's get a forklift and get them to the endless summer kegger we've got to if that person is real I feel like you're playing jokes on us

and we don't joke about being 800 pounds but god I would love to have you at the endless summer kegger Klein would love to meet you you have no idea that takes care of our whole bounce house situation right there well my favorite is Joseph I just feel like he is just now trying to knock things off of his bucket list.

He's living his life for the first time. You know, last time he was out in the free world, he was only 19 years old. He's got a lot of catching up to do. Track down that prisoner, Vanessa, and make sure you give him all of your personal information so that he can contact you. And we don't usually reward good people for doing bad things, but this was over 20 years ago. Guy stole a car. May or may not have had some gang activity in his past. We've all done dumb things at 19 years old.

So welcome, sir. We're going to go ahead and welcome you to your freedom at the Endless Summer Kegger. And more tickets, by the way, for that coming up later.