Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Driving Test Results

Episode Date: July 31, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. One of your lives is about to change and not for the better.

And I'm talking to someone in this room right now. But the good news is... Is that the answer? Is that I've lost? No, I don't know the answer. I haven't... Someone in this room is only me. Oh, I meant you or Jake.

Oh, okay. All right. Listener's lives are about to get better. Is that what you said? Yeah, take this. I've got the... I don't have the results of the test here. I see some of the notes that the driving instructor took.

He's going to be joining us in a moment. His name's Juan. He is a licensed driving instructor. Took both Allie and Jake on the road yesterday. They finished, they had the lowest score in the written portion of the DMV test. Only by one. The reason we did this was because there's been a cheating scandal and a lot of people in the Southern California area were forced to retake driving tests

because people were going in there wearing meta glasses and basically getting all the answers they needed so they were getting licenses even though they were not qualified to be driving. Most people on the streets probably aren't qualified to be driving, as we proved by taking the test on the air and turns out we don't know a lot of things you should know about how far in advance you're supposed to put your blinker on or well if you think about how many times you're on the road driving in autopilot right and you know you probably don't even notice the speed limits on the roads that you're on because either your car tells you or

you just kind of guesstimate when you are with a driving instructor and having to think in that way all over again it is exhausting we were very tired yes after doing that driving test here's some of the audio, and it's interesting to hear how Allie decides to play it versus Jake. And I've got audio from both of their driving tests. We'll put up video later, and then the guy will join us to explain who won and who lost, because he took notes on a lot of different things here. I mean, he had

a whole score sheet. He had the official DMV checklist. The official DMV checklist, where this is basically what you have to do if you want to get a license. So, here's Allie. She decides to try to kiss this guy's ass a lot, so take a listen. Okay, you've got your little brakes over there in case I make a mistake. Can I use this for to teach people?

Yeah, you won't have to use that. All right, I'm going to adjust the seat because I need to make sure this is in a very safe location for me. I mean, it's like so pathetic. I need to make sure this is in a safe location. She does this. She vocalizes a lot of stupid stuff right out of the gate. I want him to know my thought process. Yeah, well.

You know what? Let me adjust these mirrors just slightly because I don't think this is safe. What was your name again? Yeah, he asked me several times what my name is again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least Trish, he's just trying to cut off your little line you don't trust. Well, there's a vehicle in front of me. I need to stop for this vehicle.

You guys looking for parking? Yeah, you're looking for parking, but I'm being safe. Oh, my God. This is how I drive home. I don't know what you guys are doing. This is what you do? This is what you do when you're self-pleasuring on the 101? I wonder if you heard that story.

I don't know if the lines are anything. Right there, you did go wrong. Just the line. What did he say? you went over the line well i went got to a stop light and there's like a little line before the crosswalk line yeah that's where you stop yeah and well i thought i it's hard to tell in a car that you've never driven before and i was like okay stopped properly didn't go over the line and he's like you went over a little bit and he started writing something down he's got he's got

a lot of note i'm looking at your sheet i don't know what he's what did he write in there i just i'll show you ali this is without going this is all the marks he made on your sheet and a lot of notes. A lot of notes and a lot of marks. There's a lot more zeros circled on yours than Jake's, for sure. Zeros because there's no offenses. Is that what that means? I think it's based on personality. Or your shape.

You didn't even write my name in there, did you? You can't remember it. It's body shape. First tester. That's what you wrote down. First tester. Here's a little bit more with Allie kissing this guy's ass. I would have let it slide if you were a little bit back. If it wasn't a DMV related thing and it was just

you know, hey, I want to win this test over jake have you would you take a bribe for that oh i see that this is when ali tries to bribe him and she does a hypothetical situation she says if i said i wanted to win this would you take a bribe it doesn't even uh not even so i said that would you take a bribe for that oh i see that's it yeah no i like i like being fair yeah i like there's a solid white line here i'm a little worried about that i'm in a school zone and it's 15 miles an hour when Children are present, and I see children. I do.

Not too close. You just hit somebody? What the hell was that? I hit him. I decided to go to intimidate. Well, I started bragging about my ability to parallel park, and then he was like, well, here's a great opportunity. There's a nice spot for you to parallel park.

Oh, you set yourself up. I did my parallel park. Not too close. Right side's a little slanted, front side a bit out, but... Oh, man. Both sides are messed up. Right side slanted, front side out. Well, Justin was with me filming, and he said, because he got out of the car, and he said I was like a millimeter away from hitting the curb, which I imagine would have been bad.

This is actually not bad. Are you single? I have a girlfriend. So then Allie tries, all right, maybe I'll try to flirt my way to get to win this test. So this is Allie in the car with the driving instructor. Once again, he's taking notes, and she gives him the, are you single? And he quickly made up a girlfriend. It couldn't have happened any faster.

I mean, that was like autopilot, right? I have a girlfriend. Good ones are always taken. i would say so yeah yeah then ally decides rather than try to talk about what a good driver she is she's just going to use the rest of her time to talk bad about jake so this is her uh planting seeds about why jake is a bad person the prettier they're most of the time they're always taken yeah that's true like the really really pretty one you'll be like oh yeah she has a man sometimes they don't have good guys though yeah that's the sad part i agree with you

So she says that Jake's been single a long time, so he can't possibly be one of the good ones. And she goes on and tells this guy more bad things about Jake. He's saving his money. When you have a girlfriend, yeah. Yeah, he's not very good with saving his money either. We'll take a right to it. He's like, I don't have a girlfriend to save more money. Yeah, well, he spends a lot of his money on concert posters and he collects dead things, too.

What do you mean by dead things? Like he has a weird I'm thinking like a dead rat. That's nice. Not a rat, but he's got like reptiles I think he's got some shark heads or something Yeah, he's got like a spider probably. Oh, well, here we go. This person's a little This is how we have turns here make sure I'm not going too fast and there might be children at play exactly let's do a stop here mostly in the conversation he wants to stop the conversation there's Ali's test and uh and then

they pull back to the radio station and that's when Jake gets in uh and once again just if you're just joining us that was Ali's version of it now Jake did something very different when he went up to meet the guy. He learned from yesterday's clickbait what you should say immediately to make someone like you, and Jake went right out of the gate with this. Good, good. Yeah, pleasure. I was just thinking about you.

Your name again? I'm Jake. Jake. Remember that whole, I was just thinking about you? You're supposed to say that to someone? Sing to work. He said, who the hell are you? Right, well, he goes, I was just thinking about you. Yeah, so Jake, Jake, we're gonna do a little 15-minute drive. We're out. We're next.

Alright. I'll show you how to just so then jake gets in this guy's car and uh jake uh immediately that you can tell there's chemistry between the two of them oh goodness oh my goodness more comfy i feel the break all right yeah you got your own break there yeah come on just are your mirrors good looks like it yeah okay let's remove the emergency flasher let's uh put it in drive and let's merge to the road We're going to wait for the light. Now, I want to point out something here. Allie, you said all this out loud.

Jake had to be instructed as to what to do. You did it instinctively. How's your day been? Chilling? Good until now. Now I'm just scared. So everyone's nervous. I don't know how you were feeling going into this car, knowing that this guy was going to judge you, but you and Jake were both freaked out.

Well, you know, he said at one point, you know, you're making me feel comfortable, which is the sign of a good driver. So I think the sign of a bad driver is to tell the person, I'm scared when they start to drive away. But at the end of my test, he also said, whoever this Jake guy is, he's got his work cut out for him because you did a really great job. Jake ruined it for himself by trying to bring up something that only he cares about, which is the band Tool, and take a listen to this uncomfortable exchange that happened in the driving test. Since this is kind of like...

They were asking the guy if he's allowed to play music in his car. Since this is kind of like not a real lesson lesson, then it's fine. But when it's regular, you can put on some heavy metal. You can put metallic and jump in the fire. What about Tool? Do you like Tool? No, what is it? T-O-L?

Yeah, Tool. Never heard of it. Never heard of Tool? Go ahead and make a left turn into this oncoming traffic. So Jake is just completely shocked that this man's unaware of Tool. And he actually jotted that note down in his notes. He did? Tool-LA.

Yeah, he wrote down Tool. Like one of the biggest L.A. rock bands ever. Tool? I've never heard of it. You've never heard of Tool? I only heard of the Armenians. What's it called? Sissel of a Down?

The Armenians. The Armenians, dude. It's Johnny in the backseat because Johnny's filming Jake's ride now. So that didn't go well. And then finally at 20. So they're laughing at him. They're all laughing at Jake. And then Jake tries to bribe him.

I think it was just a note like this guy is a tool. Probably. He's a tool. I think he's a tool from L.A. I think that's what they wrote. Here is the one bribe Jake tried to pull. You tried to bribe him with cash. Jake tried to bribe him with pizza.

My cousins tell me, like, Juan, once you hit 30, bro, trust me, you feel your body just change. And I'm like, damn, bro, I got to start, you know, eating less pizza. Can I buy you a pizza and you can give me a better score? I'll buy you any pizza you want. Damn, bro, you can't buy me my best food, bro. That's crazy, man. What's your favorite food? So this guy was considering, contemplating taking the bribe, but he said, no, I'm going to go ahead and do this on the level.

So he denied both of us a bribe. Denied both of you guys. I think mine was a little more subtle than I'll just buy you pizza for a better score. We have our driving instructor. His name is Juan, and he will be on the phone with us in two minutes. He's going to go over his notes, and he's going to describe once and for all and explain who lost the on-the-road driving test next. Man, looking at how nervous Allie is right now. Well, that's funny because you've already done all the hard stuff.

I mean, you did fail the test that we did on the air. I didn't fail it. You did worse than... You said you pull over to the left if an emergency vehicle comes by. Which is like the first thing you learn is you don't pull over to the left. Unless you're like in England or something. I think there are some situations where left is better. So, Allie was on the streets yesterday and so was Jake and Juan is our driving instructor

who's about to join us and go over the notes he took. Do you think you won or lost this, Allie? I really don't know because at the beginning, you know, how he had that little brake on the right-hand side? I had asked him casually, I'm like, have you ever had to use that thing? And he's like, I only had to use it once during our test. And I was like, what? He used his emergency brake with you? During our test, which makes me think I lost.

Jake, you feel good about your driving or no? I feel okay, but I'm still very unsure. All right, let's say hi to Juan now. Juan's been giving, I would imagine, thousands and thousands of miles and hours to people, training them how to drive so they can go ahead and pass this driving test. And have you ever been consulted before just to help solve a bet where the loser has to spend five hours in the DMV for no reason? Hello, how's it going?

Hi, you're on KROQ right now. You have a legitimate winner. Don't say who it is yet, but you do have a legitimate winner and a legitimate loser? Yes. Yes, out of this 15 minutes each. Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. I want to ask you some questions. Was it a hard decision?

I wouldn't say so because there were situations where both of you ran into where in my experience I would have made comments more. um so i think one driver made me more comfortable than the other on depending on their on how they manage certain situations so i'm leaning more towards one driver okay wow my boy so uh listen first of all you got uh you got offered bribes from both ali and jake ali offered you a bribe of cash hypothetically jake offered you pizza you rejected both bribes but does that happen a lot um for for your profession and you know at the dmv i know that there was a bribery scandal that took place there years ago but do you ever get bribes offered to you or just yesterday

um you know what that's an interesting question because i've had students um tell me like hey juan do you know by any chance an examiner somewhere in a dmv that could like hook it up by passing me right and i really look at them in the eye and i'm like you know what man like i don't and even if i did man like i wouldn't want you to get in trouble man because in glendale it happened a couple years ago yeah they actually did uh grab some people that were trying to bribe an examiner and they picked the examiner up you know they arrested him and uh but with students it's more of just like do you know an examiner because um since i teach for a driving school um the most they'll do is like hey man can you give me like crazy discount or something i'm your

first-time customer and I'm like nah I can't do that I'm looking at the notes you took and you wrote a lot more notes down on Jake's um test than you did on Ali's but I don't know what all these notes mean and you did write down tool uh and on Jake's notes tool were you were you referring to Jake as being a tool or was that because of his recommendation no it's because we were talking about like rock bands and he was like do you know this band called tool and I'm You're like, what? Yeah, I know. This is disorienting.

It was, do you want me to? It was, go for it. No, he didn't listen to me. Don't listen to him. But I did hear that Jake's test was significantly more difficult than mine. Yeah, there was some lane changing that we did on 6th Street where we had a merge and there was a lot of traffic. So he did a really good job in that aspect, like switching lanes. He does occasionally when he switches lanes, his shoulder check,

he needs to make sure he looks a bit sooner or more before the lane change. And I think that's where Ali does better in the lane changing in that sense. Yeah, I don't think Jake wants to turn his head too close to his own armpit because it's stank. I noticed he didn't want to like, he would shoulder check, but it was more like towards the end, almost committing the merge, you know? So give me one strength and one weakness that you noticed with Allie, and same for Jake, and then we'll get to the results.

And he said we do have a clear winner and loser, and the loser will, of course, be immediately going to spend five hours at the DMV for no reason. Terrible punishment, you would agree, right? Yeah, especially if it's on a Monday or Friday, man. Those are the worst days. Yeah, it'll definitely be on a Monday or Friday. We're going to make sure of that.

No, that's not part of the thing. All right, so give me Allie's. Give me something that Allie did well and something Allie did terrible. ali did really well her yielding um i noticed the first thing we did when we merged out of the the parking area um she shoulder checked she did that really well and then first stop we did on sixth street when she did the right turn um she didn't go over the line too much compared to to jake he did go over the line much more on the crosswalk so her yielding was better like i noticed she took her time she entered slower she actually reached out and then she entered when it

was safe what is something ali does what is something ali does terribly behind the wheel um there was just one occasion where we were coming up so she did her parallel parking um i did that with her because she brought it up she's like i'm a really good parallel parker and i was like all right let's do something how pathetic is that and she showed me her skills And I was like, okay, yeah, you do parallel park really well. But after that, when she was merging out of there, there was a car coming the same direction we were coming. So I had to kind of like mention, like, hey, watch it. Like, there's a car coming.

I didn't want her to kind of like, even though I think she probably saw him, I just had to make that comment. Right. And you had to use your brake at one point because you felt unsafe for your own life. That's the only occasion, yeah. That's the only occasion where I was kind of in the descent teacher mode where I was like, okay. So, Ali, positive, good parallel park, or negative, almost drove headfirst into an oncoming car. Okay, I understand. Jake, let's go to Jake's pros and cons quickly, other than smell.

Okay, so with Jake, he's very confident in his driving, in a sense where he's... I'm right, you're wrong. Right. So, I noticed that when he was driving. So, the merging lanes, like I said, he entered into difficult situations. But the first yielding he did, that's my main thing. Now, another one was he did a similar turn right on La Brea. And I told him, take a right turn on this light.

He did the stop on the red well. But then when he yielded forward, there was oncoming traffic, like big time, like coming traffic. You know how La Brea is, very busy. Yeah. And there was this left, both cars were coming because it's two lanes. And he just found an opening. Like, the moment he found an opening, he's like, oh, I'm in. So, that's where I was like.

So, he kind of just jutted out without really making sure that there was no. Sounds like a driver. All right. Well, in a moment, it's the time has come now. Place your bets. Place your bets. Allie, Jake, one of them is officially declared the worst driver on the show after having the worst score of the written test and going to the roads.

Juan is a certified driving instructor. He's been doing it over five years. And the moment is finally here. Allie's freaked out. Jake's freaked out. One of you will be receiving the ultimate punishment, which is going to the DMV on a Monday or Friday for five hours for no reason. Who of these two people would you say lost the driving test? Lost the driving test?

I would say Jake. Come on, baby! I never! Wow. Hi-ya! Jake. What? I never knew!

Jake. And it was mainly the La Brea turn. That's where it got me like, oh, like I have. If that was my student and she did that, I would be like, hey, don't do this in the test. This will disqualify you. Yeah, even if you're going to do that as a driver, don't do it in front of a driving instructor. Yeah, don't do that. I'm on live on air.

Yeah, don't do that. You're hitting on red, and there's cars coming. It was fine. Oh, my gosh. Here we go again. And, you know, Jake said he had an advantage because him and Johnny and Juan got to, like, bro it out together. So that didn't even do anything. I think we had a great time talking.

Better conversation goes to the Jake ride over the Allie ride, for sure, right? I would say both of them. Honestly, it was both of you. Everything had fun with both. Allie was really cool, too. I wasn't. Wow. Definitely not.

This guy's skewed. This is weird. All right. Well, anyway, I can't believe it. Johnny told me before the show today, he's like, if I know anything, Jake won this thing because of the conversation that we had in the car. Now, Juan goes beyond conversation. and he goes by the rules of the road.

It wasn't a rule. That was fine. On the final score, I guess, like how much did Allie beat Jake by? Was there a point system? I'm looking at your sheet here. You've got all these different numbers circled. So for me, it's the way each driver manages every situation.

So we'll start off with the first one. So when we merged out, like I said, Jake, he bases more on mirrors. Like he relies more on mirrors than the shoulder check itself. I don't rely on Mears. You've always done me wrong. Allie hates Mears. Mears hate Allie.

It's always been that way. All right. Well, listen, we don't have time to break down the whole test, but Jake, you've lost. You're a good man. Jake, thank you. I appreciate it for this opportunity and this chance. Thank you all. Thank you, Juan.

We appreciate it. That's Juan, licensed driving instructor. Thank you. Thanks for joining us on Care. All right, Jake, you lost. You're going to the DMV, my friend. That DMV that smelled bad is about to smell a whole lot worse. I'm going to buy Juan a pizza.

And Allie is going to celebrate. What a victory. Oh, my God. Thank Lord. Jake is the worst driver on the road. If you see an okay Lexus Lexus driving around, be careful. It is not okay. We will be right back with news and a brand new hour of the show, including your tickets.

First tickets out of the gate. You'll be seeing Death Cab for Cutie sooner than you think. And that's coming up after this.