Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Embarrassing Google Searches

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

We'll get into an episode of Klein Alley Show in just a moment, but in the meantime, let's tell you about our absolute favorite place on the planet. Yep, that would be San Bernardino International Airport, where you can go through the airport process without waiting in long lines and overpaying for parking. Quick connections to the Bay Area and the world, plus ski and snowboard in Provo from San Bernardino all winter long. Every other airport, you're going to be in long TSA lines, you're going to be miserable, you're going to say, oh, I got to get there two, three hours before my flight.

Not at San Bernardino International Airport. And now we send you on a direct flight into our podcast, which starts right now. All right, you want to win something? Now's a good time to give us a call, 800-520-1067. We have the last batch of our limited edition Klein Alley Show merch in the category of hats. You have your choice, a Sweet Divots, a 323 Tip Bully, or a Moffa Make Alley Fat Again hat that can and will be yours. Also, I believe we have a few, very few I've Never Been Intimate With Jake shirts left. And we're going to try to blow those out before we get our new batch of merch starting tomorrow with the new Low Slugger shirt.

that we've given away to the first 106 people at our Descanso event, the Siesta Fiesta. Now, if you want to play, the game is very easy. We went through all of our search history, and you can learn a lot about a person and about yourself if you just look at the last few things you've Googled, thrown into the old chat GPT. It says a lot about you and says a lot about what's going on in your brain. And it used to be we'd have a thought, and I would just sit there as a thought. We'd think about it for a little bit, and then we'd forget it and move on to something else. But now we need answers instantly, so we immediately go, aha, what's the answer to that?

And someone on the show, for instance, Allie, did search, what pillow do I need to avoid a humpback? Now, listen, I have the answers, so I sadly can't play the game. This is why the robots are going to win. This is exactly. They know our weaknesses. They know our insecurities. And they know that we're terrified of developing humpback. And so we are searching for special pillows to make sure we don't get humpback.

And, listen, maybe you go through your own browsing history from time to time. Nothing more humiliating. I love deleting cookies. I love deleting history. I love private search because I don't want to be reminded of the stupid stuff I looked at when I couldn't sleep. Yeah, well, then there's also a whole separate, like there's your personal things that you're looking at, which is embarrassing enough. But then the things that we Google for the show are equally embarrassing, if not more embarrassing. And the reality is more often than not, when my wife says, why did you search that?

I say, oh, it was for work. Even if it was probably not for work. We were talking about the Sidney Sweeney ad. It was for work. There was a lot of conversation about the Sidney Sweeney ad. But why did you need to watch it 14 times? I don't know. We had to memorize it for a project.

For a book report. That's what I'm doing. It's time now for the, this is embarrassing. Not all embarrassing, but these are, we all did, there was no choice here. We just went with the last five things that any of us searched. So these are the last five things that were looked at by us. If you can figure out which one of us Googled it, then you win the very own limited edition piece of Klein Alley Show merch. And if you're new to the show and you want to figure out who the hell we are, this will say an awful lot about us.

So we start with Clarissa in Tarzana. Good morning and welcome to KROQ. If you'd like to play the game, the number is 800-520-1067. You get one right, you win a hat. It goes like that. Here we go. And as we learned yesterday, Postmaster Johnny spent $50 on a hat. So this is a prize valued at at least $50, we believe.

Clarissa, who on the show recently searched, what pillow do I need to avoid a humpback? choices include Klein, Allie, Vanessa Jake, Johnny or Omar yeah yeah yeah a whole cast of characters I'm going to say that's Allie what?

why because I'm the one with the humpback? because Allie does look a lot like that thing that lived in the bell tower Quasimodo? yeah Allie does look a lot like Quasimodo why am I helping you insult me? thank you Allie that's the insult I was looking for

Anytime. Thanks, Quasi. So you're going to say Allie is the person who searched for that. Let's see if she's right, Clyde. Allie will ring the bell three times if you're right. Get up there on that tower. Sexuality. Who actually on the show did Google what pillow do I need to avoid a humpback?

Okay, me, because... Vanessa. Because... Don't you sleep under that pillow fort? Yes, but I think I need a better one for my neck. But what kind of pillow is going to change the fact that you have a humpback or not? Why would that matter? Dude, every...

Hold on. Johnny, Johnny, chill out. I'm talking to you. I know you're screening calls, but chill, chill, chill. Yes, Vanessa, go ahead. The more we talk about how we're going to look like in the future, the more I worry for that. When I'm little, I'm going to be in the ground. When you're little?

You are little. No, no, like when I'm a grandma. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I see. So you think a pillow change now will stop you from being one of those hunched over old people that constantly looks like they're looking for their car keys? Preventable health. Is that the word?

All right. I mean, the fact that she's trying to avoid getting even shorter. It's crazy. That's so funny. The only short people know about this. All right. We move on to the next question. Wait.

Just out of curiosity, what did it tell you? Did you get a pillow? Was there a certain pillow that it recommended? There were a bunch, but I started this research last night, so I want to read reviews. Okay. This is a long process. So there are pillows specifically designed for that? No, there's no chance.

Yes, there is. The thing is, they go, dummy alert, let's suggest all these different pillows and say it's for hunchbacks. We need everyone to Google it, and you'll see there's options. I don't think there's a bed. A mattress would be a better thing. You know what you've got to get? You've got to get one of those medieval beds that actually pulls your limbs. A hole that stretches you at night?

Yeah, you crank it every night and make you a little taller. Yeah, you'll be like an NBA player. Yeah, that'll solve your problem. I was thinking I should learn how to do a handstand so I can stretch the other one. Please put it on Instagram. Joseph and Sandeem is so far no winners. It's going to be a tough game to win, so here we go. Next question.

It's our actual search history, so it tells us a lot about a person. This person recently searched, okay. What? This person recently searched, can dwarves get pregnant? Who recently searched that on the show? That would be Johnny. Wow. Will the person who actually searched, can dwarves get pregnant, please announce themselves?

Hey, man, I was curious, and I've actually never seen one in public. Wow. You've never seen a pregnant dwarf? That's incredible. I've never seen dwarves in period, but then second. You've never seen dwarves in period? We've had multiple on this show as guests. I work with one.

You've greeted them at the door and walked them back here. Huh? Oh, man. All right. Hey, congratulations. Joseph, you want a Make Ali Fat Again hat, a Sweet Divots hat, or a 323 Tim Bolle hat? The choice is yours. Make Ali Fat Again.

All right. Grab that hat. That's only available in larger sizes. I'm a regular-sized pregnant woman. We move on now. This is all technically stuff that has been searched by us. So every one of us must defend why we search these things. But we all search these things.

We say hi to Pam now in Corona. Hey, Pam, welcome to KROQ. Good morning. hey good morning how's it going guys uh this person recently googled how did magic johnson beat aids uh i'm gonna have to say ally johnson what it's a great guess it's a great guess alias i feel like she's somehow related to the family yeah she does claim she did claim that that used to be her uh cousin or something i think once he got it then it would pass through the family. That's right. Passes right through the family tree.

I see. Who recently searched, how did Magic Johnson beat AIDS? Okay, again, I was just curious, and I had to know after you talked about him last week. Yeah, when I ran into him. And how did he beat AIDS, Johnny? What did you learn? What did Google tell you?

I don't remember. I think he just, like, beat it. Like, I think, like, he just didn't get as sick and die. You know, that's, that's, we Google things, and then we don't even know. Don't even know the answer. I've asked everyone what the answer was, and Vanessa couldn't give it to us? Johnny couldn't give it to us? No one knows. Did Johnny Cantorves get pregnant?

Damn, I gotta Google that one again. I don't know. Again? You already Googled it once. I think they can, but they just have a higher risk that they pose to the child, I think. We move on to Gus now, Santa Monica. Hey, Gus. Good morning. Hey, shout out, Ned Bingers. Who recently on the show

Googled One Direction Tour? I'm gonna go with Jake on that one. Why would you say Jake out of curiosity? I just have the gut feeling it's Jake for some reason. I would have thought it would be someone on the show

that had kids, perhaps. Or Vanessa. I could see that. Who Googled the One Direction Tour? God damn it, I did. Why? My lady friend wanted to see One Republic Tour,

and I got them confused. But we went to One Republic last weekend at the Hollywood Bowl. Right. I just knew it was one something, so I Googled One Direction. Now the algorithm's got you, man. Oh, yeah, it sucks. You're going to get all that One Direction stuff. I'm not even a fan anymore, I don't think.

Gus, congratulations. You were able to successfully predict that was Jake. You want a 323 tip Boli hat, sweet divots, or a make Allie Fadigan hat? Oh, sweet divots, please. Hold on. Classic. Classic. Go with the sweet divots.

Hold on. And Dominic has the answer to one of the questions we Googled. We don't need Google. We have Dominic. Yes, Dominic, hi. Hey, good morning, Sweet Dibs. Sweet Dibs, what's up? So I am a big fan of Pinky Shortcake.

She's a micro wrestler. And she actually had a kid with another micro wrestler who's actually normal size. That's how you make one of them mini doodles, I think, Ali. You take two micro wrestlers, and then you've got a mini golden doodle. So you're saying she was a pregnant dwarf? Yes. Okay, there you go. Wait, but then did you say they made a regular-sized baby?

Yeah, that's correct. You can look it up on Instagram. Pinky Shortcake. Pinky Shortcake. Now that's something new to Google. Add it to your list, Johnny. Add it to your list, Johnny. That's insane.

There's no way that could happen. Well, he claims it did. He's telling you it happened. More on Ontario. We got two more searches to go through here. This person recently searched cheap airport parking, cheap rental car, cheap Airbnb, cheap maternity clothes,

and what is too cheap to spend on a wedding gift? That would be Allie. I don't think we need to ask anyone. Allie, every single one of your searches, do you add the word cheap or does it autofill when you get your computer? I put it in. Every time you wrote that? I put it in.

Anything that I am searching for, the word cheap is in front of it. That's crazy enough. If you look at your history, how many of your searches involve the word cheap? I think most. I mean, this is your last five things you search. Cheap airport parking, cheap rental car, cheap Airbnb, cheap maternity clothes. How cheap

is too cheap for a wedding gift? That's crazy. I can type it really quickly now. And I can get results every single time. I have all the codes, all the coupon codes. Laura, what would you like? A Make Ali Fatigan hat? Sweet divots?

Yes, I have to since it was her. Alright, I'll take a Make Ali Fatigan hat. It's free, which is cheap. We don't have time to do any more of these, but I'll share with you, because we didn't get into what I had searched and what Omar had searched. Omar's got an interesting search that includes Commander's Schedule.

Oh, yeah, because you're a Commander's fan now. That's right. Can we change the name back to Redskins? So Omar's trying to start a change.org. Bike Shop and Rancho Cucamonga, Leslie's Pool Supply, Thor. Why'd you search Thor, Omar? Oh, because I want to show my kid of the Thor

from the Marvel movies, because she's reading some like a Percy Jackson book and it's got like a nerdy Thor on it, and I was like, I wanted to show her the real Thor. I thought you were just going to look at his body. Real Thor, and I'll write it up. I feel like Omar would Google that and be like, nice. Jake's searches included

One Direction Tour, Masters of the Universe Figures, Ron, Jeremy, and JL? Pink Corduroy Hat. Oh, God. Don't get it. Johnny's... If you found one, delete your history. You already got it.

Johnny's included YouTube, How to Boil an Egg. He needed a YouTube search for that? Woman with three boobs. And the canned dwarves get pregnant. And Magic Johnson, how did he beat AIDS? What about you? I'll get to mine last.

Vanessa said, what pillow do I need to avoid a humpback? Rihanna, pregnancy belly 2026. Oh, okay. Well, she's always pregnant. Spiritual energy left from others. And Sandra Bullock age. Oh, I Googled that too. Allie had on her last, just after all of her cheap searches, was how old was Sandra Bullock in speed?

She was 30. It's crazy how many questions are about Sandra Bullock. She's the best. She's the best. I had to actually be AIDS. And I had searched what is the cheapest professional sports team to buy, how to get the smell of garlic out of a car interior, and boy names with problematic histories. Why are you searching boy names with problematic histories? Because we were going to pitch you, well, now it's going to ruin the bit, but we were going to pitch you names for your sons.

cool names, out there names, and then we wanted you to get in on one, and then we would, once it was official, we were going to... Oh, you'd reveal how offensive it was? Like, I'm all in on Adolph, and then I realized later on that it's a problematic name. We weren't going with names as obvious as Adolph, but we had some other names that were, like, cool names that you would have been like,

I love it, and then we were going to make up the fact that it meant strong or brave, but then really, the reality was like it was the devil's nickname. A white supremacist. Yeah, but now you've ruined the band, so I'm glad we did this stupid thing. Why did I ruin it? But I did spill some garlic bread that I was eating while driving back from that Troubadour show because I went and got a to-go order of garlic bread from Dan Tannis.

And I call it carlick bread because I eat it in my car. Did you say that joke to yourself in the car in the morning and then laugh? Yeah, I said, I mean, my carlick bread. Oh, yeah, I spilled my carlick bread. But now it still reeks in there, and I don't think I'll ever get the smell out. So, anyway, thanks for playing along with us. It's K-Rock Klein Alley Show.