Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Fat Ally's Hair Drain

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

New episode of Klein Alley Show is about to begin, but before that can happen, Alley, let's tell the people what they need to know. You mean about San Bernardino International Airport? Of course I'm talking about the San Bernardino International Airport. Easy, close, and not LAX. And parking is always just five bucks a day, which means it is El Cheapo approved. Fly nonstop to Provo, Utah for all the skiing, snowboarding, or wives you can handle. And of course you can fly into my hometown of San Francisco, San Bernardino International Airport, when airports smell great. you're not supposed to see that one either that's a surprise these are surprises for you is it also titled fat alley is back this one's called fat alley is back too oh okay we've already made a

sequel it's a different one this not to be confused with this the original the lyrics are clear a path to the snack great I can't hear. Fat Allie is back. Lock the fridge, it's under attack. Lock the fridge, it's under attack. Fat Allie is back. She's finally funny again.

Anyway, that was Fat Allie 1 is back. But Fat Allie 2, we're not sure we wanted to share yet with the masses. Omar thinks it could be fixed and made a little better. But, you know, he's a perfectionist, et cetera. But the people want what the people want. We don't want things that are better. We will world premiere Fat Alley is Back 2 in a moment, but first let's go ahead and give someone some tickets and potentially a trip of a lifetime as we say good morning to Caesar. Oh boy, I said Caesar, Alley.

Yummy. Where? I want the croutons only. Caesar calling from Orange. Orange, get out of here. Alley's favorite type of chicken. Hey, Caesar. Hey, good morning.

Thank you. You are the 20th caller right now. Caesar from Orange. Stop. This is all triggering. Hold on one second. We can get you some tickets to go see Evanescence at the Forum in July, and then hopefully we call you back on Monday, give you the good news.

You're going to see them again in Montreal, all right? Hope so. Thank you guys very much. Love y'all. You're very welcome. That is Caesar, our most recent winner. Please no one call from Bakersfield. It's too delicious.

Allie loves it. This is something we're still working on. Oh, really? I think you're done working on it. No, no, we're not. You put in four seconds of effort. There's been writing. There's been back and forth.

AI, make a song about a fat woman named Allie. Wrong. Click. Absolutely wrong, because that would have charged us money. We're not paying for AI. We don't pay for that slop. All right? So.

She's fighting for me again Get ready to laugh Fight out his back It's like a sitcom intro. We're going to add a chorus to this one. Like people singing in the behind. I'm opening the door into my fat self and looking at the camera going,

and eating a stick of butter. We all sit on the couch and break it. We're working on that. Forget you heard that one. It'll be a world premiere when we actually get it finished. Forget you heard it? Yeah, most people will forget they heard it. Is the third one going to have also the same exact lyrics,

or are you going to try and write something new? We have other lyrics. Maybe Fat Alley should write funny lyrics for once. Well, now that you're fat again, we will accept all your funniness. And by the way, apparently being fat is not enough. Something happened in Alley's house that I think is one of the grosser things. No, I think this is normal. Definitely not normal.

to everybody i'm sure it happens to you your hair is hell never happened to me never in all the places you've lived nope so never once we had no one's ever claimed what this guy claimed by the way oh well i don't believe him okay he's just saying that because he wants more work i'm sure we had an issue earlier this week where our shower wouldn't drain it happens to be an issue that happens once a year it has happened every single year since we lived in this house probably all that butter clogging up the arteries and drains at the same time i have to loof all the butter off of me every night what is more clocked fat alley's arteries or her shower drains so the shower our main shower in our bedroom it once a year just slow to drain clogged up this time it

was really clogged up to the point where the water was like overflowing damn yeah so we had to get a tasker a task rabbit person out as soon as possible to look at the issue i'm surprised you didn't take the tackle that uh yourself that seems like such a solvable problem i'm not draining nope i'm not doing i did mine uh yeah once once maybe every two years i have to do that but omar i believe the drain of a family shower i don't have a snake it's one of the grosser things you can encounter no absolutely dude the stint the stink is unlike any other it's it sucks but you got to do it and you just the way i do it is i just have a little uh coat hanger stick it down there and then start no this was beyond coat hanger i was saving that for later

no this is beyond because what this man told me was that our shower our shower drain is so deep it is five to six feet deep oh and then so it was oh so it's all the way down there it's all All the way down, years and years of hair buildup. And there's no access to the P-trap anywhere else? You have to take it from the top of the drain? It's called a vagina. I don't know what a P-trap is. Get it straight.

We're adults here. We can have real conversations. So he said it was the most hair he's ever seen. Listen to this. And he has like a bucket, like a slop bucket where you put all the crap that you find. And this guy is a, obviously you got him through TaskRabbit, but he's probably a plumber, right, by trade. Oh yeah, he's got like decades of experience. And he said that this is the most hair he has ever seen on a job, ever.

Yes, but he thinks it's because the other plumbers didn't properly clean it out. It was just like a little, hey, I'll go down a couple of feet and get some things out and call it a day until it drains again. This guy went all the way in. He had some weird power drill tool I've never seen before. Now, Allie claims that she thinks this is a lesbian issue because when two women live together, you've got double the hair. There are women that have long hair that wash their hair and everything. And then we even have one of those like hair drain catcher things, but it doesn't catch crap. I mean, hair is much...

You had the wrong one. Yeah, I was trying to buy a new one last night because of this issue. I was like, enough is enough here. Yeah. I can't find a drain that all of the holes are too big. I need ones that are like thin, thin, thin that can actually trap the hair because there's a lot of it. But when he says to you, of all my years doing this job, this is the most amount of hair I've ever encountered in one drain. He asked if I wanted to see it.

You said no? I said I would politely pass on it. Why would you not want to see what you created? Because it grosses me out. Stuff that is stuck in drains is a meh. No. And you said that was a five-footer, a five-foot drain that was packed to the brim with your hair? I mean, think how much hair needed to be in there for it to rise the water level and fill up six feet of drain.

That may explain these big waves we're having everywhere, too, in town. I mean, that's so. I'm clogging every drain in the city. You're clogging the whole thing. That is unbelievable. Did you hear the man gagging at all doing this job? No. He said this is his job.

This is what he does. I can't imagine that that's your daily life. But he was very good at what he did. It only took him 45 minutes to clear everything out. Yes, he had a two-hour minimum, so I had to pay him for two hours of work. But he got it all done. And now I'm worried that the next year, this is going to be the same problem. I don't think you're going to have to deal with it for another year.

It sounds like this guy did a really thorough job. You're going to be able to have at least three years. I'm going to take the under. Before I build up the hair again? I think it will be within a year again because Allie's got that thick-ass bush. Well, and with the prenatals, everything gets thicker and thicker. Right, thicker and thicker. And if it's trimming day, that can get clogged up real quick.

You've got to put signs up in the neighborhood like tree trimming day. Hello, Allie's Poo's. So, all right, well, there you have it. Just one more reason that you should. Another mental image for you. You're welcome. Accordingly, in a moment, we are going to say hello to a man who is a private investigator, retired FBI agent, and he now gets hired to follow people, track people.

Maybe it's infidelity stuff. Maybe it's nanny cases. Is the nanny watching the kid? Is there divorce stuff happening? Is there workers' comp stuff that's going on? This guy knows all the answers. If you've got questions, it's an AMA with a private investigator. For everything you've ever wanted to know, to a real-life PI, we will get to that next on KROG.