Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - FULL SHOW 7-6!!!

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

In today's show we have a blind butt test, talk to the throat goat, have an AMA with a stripper and Klein tries singing his wife to sleep

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Think about it.

Your favorite swear word, the one that we can't say probably on KROQ, wish we could, and then the first time you ever did it. First time, I remember the first time I put my middle finger up. I remember that being a real problem in my house. Who did you do it to, or did you just put it up? I think I probably just did it to one of my sisters, and I remember my dad was not happy. He's like, never again, unless you're in traffic. Oh, nice.

No, he said, no, he's like, you better not, I better not see that again or I'll cut that finger off or something like that. I think it's funny that, so we told our parents and stuff, oh, you know, Wesley swore and this is the word he used and all of them were pretty supportive. Supportive of the word? Especially my father-in-law said the word is actually okay to use in certain contexts and I was like, I don't think so. Well, every word I think is okay to use in certain contexts, I mean, right? Even, you know, the worst words. I'm going to get some words that aren't. I don't know. How old is Wesley?

Four. He doesn't understand the context of it, though, does he? No, uh-uh. Just turn four. Just turn four. I don't want to place your bets on what, I mean, I assume, what word would you say you use the most in your house, and what is your favorite? We are pretty good about not swearing in our house, at least I think.

You say F a lot on the podcast, on the Showvertime podcast, you say F word a lot. Yeah, but when my kid is around, I'm pretty good at filtering that out, but when my friends come over, it's F this, F that, S word, just everything, and I don't really know how much of it he's picking up but i am being blamed for him using this word it's funny because f the f word rhymes with truck and truck i think is a big word so i think it's a it's a slight variation uh but easy for a kid to say say truck is a big word no no truck is not okay and spell it truck is not a big word as far as like a hard word to say but i'm saying as far as kids use truck a lot it's one of their big words it is one of their big words and when he first started

saying truck it sounded like the f word because he couldn't do the truck part for a long time i'm gonna guess i know it's the obvious guess but i i think i'm just gonna go with the f word i mean i it's the funniest one it's the funny it's the funnest one to say the funnest one and it can mean that's the one that your kids uh like to say right klein they love that God damn it Alright, let me go Do that again, you'll be in big trouble Stupid, stupid man

Okay, listen Do not curse, it's not okay I don't kiss, dude Oh yeah, then we could party And we could look at each other's V-Words I don't like this That's how parenting goes in my house Look, I love that all of the

swear words were said except for vagina yeah we have to say v word right they uh they use all the words it's like an episode of maury it really is that's every dinner at my house what was the first word that they use you remember or do they all kind of blend together because i feel like this is such a rite of passage for every parent and every kid every kid remembers their first swear word i think it was i think it was the f word it's had to have been yeah and i had to write to the good it had to have been because i think of all the times where they were in their car seats in the back seat and some guy would cut me off or someone would do something in traffic i say damn it a lot that's probably the one that i let slip on the road if you like i just feel like i

say that and then they probably just pick up on it so that's on me i'll take the heat on that one but uh clearly you heard the proof right there and what omar played yeah penis f so yeah so i think that that was they're very creative by the way kudos to them i like mixing and magic yeah They're like wordsmiths. I also thought maybe the first swear word that he would use would be the P word, because there's plenty of them in the house. I've got three pussycats. Oh, right, right, posse.

I have a guess. Is it dick? No, it's not dick. That is nowhere to be found. Jake, do you have a guess? Yeah. God damn it. God damn it is one I say often if I trip or I drop something.

If something goes wrong, that's the one that's just automatic, especially when driving and things like that. So I would have thought that would be the first one or the S word. Vanessa, any guesses? This is Ali's young son, a big rite of passage, said his first dirty word. The B word. Which one? The B-O-O-B.

Can I say that? You can say boobs. You think his first word was boobs? And I know that's not a bad word, but maybe for a little kid. And there's a bunch of boobs over there. That's funny. There's a bunch of boobs over there. There are a lot of boobs over there.

That's just Boob City. Boob City at Allie's house. All right. Johnny, got a guess? Yeah, I think it's the S word. Yeah. When we say when we all drop something. Yep.

That is true. Stupid? No, no. I think that the reality is that is probably the goat. When you drop something, you burn yourself. The S word, I think, is the number one thing that people probably say. Ah, shit. But it is a word that we have said on the air recently.

Recently? And you didn't dump out of it Because technically we don't have to I don't know And now Katie's blaming me and saying She can't have the show on in the house anymore Or in the car Oh she's blaming you saying that he heard this word on our show

From me And now he's saying it Here we go Let's see if any of us are right Sounds like the F word He mixed them all together Bitch Where did you hear that word

At school. Who said that? No one. He just said it. At school he said it? Yeah, not an arc, though. I know, he's not an arc. He's like, no one said it.

I said it. Yeah, because bitches get stitches. He knows, right? Bitch. Bitch. Where did you hear that word? At school. Who said that?

No one. He just said it. He's like, stop hassling me, bitch. Excellent delivery. Really, a strong delivery. This was as he woke up And was headed down the stairs So he's still in his pajamas

Dragging his blankie down the stairs Going batch Don't you have audio Omar of Ali's wife calling her a prissy little bitch Oh yeah I do Because I would argue that maybe Oh my kid was probably sitting right next to her She's probably the culprit of this

This is audio from our show When she got mad at you And she I believe called you that You're being a little prissy bitch right so there you go you know maybe we are using that word around the house runs in the family apparently yeah i hear you and there are a lot of boobs and a lot of bitches in my house unbelievable what a milestone mom bitches congratulations i guess we do say it a lot that's a lot homer can play a lot of clips of your whole family saying bitch

bitch where did you hear that word everywhere apparently every second of my life you can all agree that uh being cheated on is a terrible feeling and if you've ever experienced it it sucks you start putting the pieces together you start going wait a minute can't be and then you go yep there's the proof people usually deny that cheating is happening until you hit them with the cold hard facts of the reality even then sometimes they go still it's not what you're saying isn't true or they do the whole i was gonna tell you right i was going to tell you or da-da-da, but there's a different type of cheating that is happening now and is not the standard relationship cheating on each other stuff, which has been around for a long

time. This is the food cheating, and we're not even talking about the food cheating that I do when I will eat a pizza on my way home before I will sit with my family for a dinner and pretend I never ate the food pizza. That is a drive-in pizza, like I call it, or a drive-in slice. That is another type of food cheating. But in this particular case, Jake the Nerd has been doing something very shameful that he feels a lot of remorse about and i think you should because it's the same i have felt this way before i think everyone will say that at some point they have done exactly what you did and there is a weird feeling of guilt that comes with it yeah man uh for the longest time ever since i moved to l.a i've been living in the burbank area and since

almost day one i've had a favorite pizza place which is central park pizza in burbank and you have been a regular there for a regular and it's a small shop it's literally a hole in the wall it's like inside a batting cage it's like four people that work there i almost know them all by name so yeah do they know you by name uh now he's back i think they know me by my order because i have a very specific order you said they know you by your odor my order oh okay i'm pretty sure They know you by your odor, too. They know me by both. Right.

So you've been there, would you say, hundreds of times? Easy, yeah. Okay. What is your order? I get a large with pepperoni and sausage, but I get it with white sauce, like cream sauce instead of red. Hold the deodorant. I can't wait until he stops getting the jab because he's going to put on the weight plus. Oh, my God.

I can't wait. And a large pizza for one person. What the hell are you doing, Jake? It's going to last you for like three days. Oh, my God, man. Omar, I am so looking forward to Jake. It's going to be the best. When Jake stops taking the jab, he is going to be enormous.

And they all say good pepperoni rolls. They say you gain it back within a month. I can't wait. And you gain it back four times faster. Yep. With two ranches. And there's too many ranches. It's still telling us his order.

It's good ranch. The ranch is perfect. Does it mix well with the white sauce that you asked for already? In addition to the large pizza, which you figured out a way to make. Sometimes extra large, actually. What is it? Sometimes extra large. It's a good deal.

Damn. In addition to the extra large pizza where you replace the tomato sauce, the one healthy thing, with the cream sauce, you then also add two ramekins of ranch on the side, and you get a pepperoni roll. No, no, it's numerous rolls. There's like 20 rolls in a order. Really? Yeah, they're super good. Jake's new nickname is going to be numerous rolls. All right, so you go to this place.

Hey, Jake the Quake, welcome back, buddy. You've been going to this place for a while. They see all the cups like Jurassic Park As Jake's approaching the restaurant The water rings So then you go there And what is the situation now? Well now I have to admit

And I feel bad I have a new favorite pizza place in Burbank And I'm amazed that you even discovered A new pizza place Because I have a pizza place that we go to And I don't veer from that There's other places in our neighborhood That I could try

But I don't want to Because I'm afraid I won't like it as much And then what if you do like it better And you have to make a switch Then you feel bad Because especially if you've built up any sort of rapport I tried it because it's the pizza place It's like this fancy new chain

That's right across the street from the AMC in Burbank Called Slice House Right, I know that place, good Yeah, it's great And I have a new favorite pie there A new favorite slice And I feel bad because now it's like a big chain As opposed to the mom and pop shop I was used to

And yeah, I just feel like a complete ass Well, so you have completely a board you you you have a completely now like ghosted your old place like have not been back since or you haven't been back for almost two months now i've been getting pizzas from slice house now dude they're probably gonna go out of business the place that jake was keeping afloat yeah the extra large the extra large with all those pepperoni rolls they were counting on that what every week and uh do you have to walk by the first place are they close enough because i know i a situation where there was two similar places same block and i used to go to one all the time

and then i started going to the other one and then i would have to walk by the first one sometimes seeing the very people that i used to see and they would see me walk to the other one and i would almost go a different way back just so if i was holding leftovers i didn't walk by them because i felt so guilty about it no they don't see me like i said they're like pretty soon they'll see you see you from space but yeah luckily they don't see me now you don't think to yourself Maybe I should split the difference a little bit 50-50 I can't help it right now

I got this new one It's called the wise guy I like it so much It's like my favorite pizza in the world right now And what's on that one? It's got pepperoni sausage It's got that white cheese I like And I get it with hot honey

It's badass I mean it is a completely different experience Do you do the Just slices or do you do the full extra large pizzas For yourself? I get the full pizza because that's how you can get it delivered by Uber Eats Right. God, you're lazy.

Oh, man. All right. Well, I thought this was going to be more about the shame of you cheating on one place with another place. But it's about different shame. It's about the shame you're putting into your own body. And do you ever think you'll go back and give a proper goodbye to the place you went to for so long, so many years? I'm thinking about it. Those pepperoni rolls are pretty dope.

You know, 818 said I switched up. This is interesting that they feel guilty about switching Starbucks. Ah, I know that feeling, too. my heart but it was a new year and I had to make changes but you're not making changes you're just going to a different Starbucks listen there is insert whatever listen my wife goes to get her nails done at a place on Ventura and one of the people from that place literally opened up their own place next door they're they're touching their next door and she now has to walk by the one that she had gone to for years and everyone waves because they know her and she kind of waves and

then walks into the door next door and it has created this weird like uh animosity yeah turf war and and and no and now it's a real like who's loyal and who's not anymore and it's crazy because you know once again i feel like same price probably yeah it's all the same everything looks identical but for some reason there's something that's going on with that and people have to make that decision to themselves do i stay loyal or do i well do you stay loyal to the person or the establishment that's the other part of it right you know and if that person leaves do you follow or do you say hey this is my routine i'm going to the same place every time and i can't change that i went to the worst chinese restaurant for years called wu's dynasty and it was terrible

and i went for years because the people seemed so appreciative that when we would go in and they were so nice and so friendly and they all that here's your tables ready uh of course because it was a wide open place and then another much better place opened up and and it took me a while I mean, I still would eat there for years knowing that there was a much better place, like two, but I felt so, uh, you, you were in it. I felt so bad. You know, that, that can backfire on you though, because my dad and I would go to this sushi place every single week and they eventually, they knew us and they would talk to us and

the owner got really chatty and we were talking to this guy so much to the point where my dad was like, I don't want to go there anymore. We're going to go to a different place. And I was like, I feel so bad. Like I think about him going, where are they? Right. Where? Yeah, just standing by the door.

Yeah, going, I want to talk to him about my dog that I got, you know. Where's that homely girl that used to come here and eat the sushi? She was developing weirdly. All right, well, Jake's got no loyalty is what we've learned. Wife broke her wrist falling up a split of stairs, which is difficult to do. And two interesting things have happened since. We went in, I guess we'll find out this morning if she needs a full-on surgery after the CT, because I guess if the bone breaks into the nerves, then there's a surgery that has to happen.

but or it just becomes a cast situation is this one of those breaks where it's not really that bad but it's the most inconvenient costly break it is well the guy the doctor came in after the x-rays yesterday and says good news bad news and the good news was one thing which was it's broken but we can fix it that was the good news the bad news isn't that most breaks yeah we can't fix it sorry yeah what break are they like it's broken forever the good news was not really good was not really good news the bad news then proceeded to be a list of like 15 different things which is this is one of those breaks that if not handled properly could require could result in a lifetime of pain this is one of those breaks that may require a surgery if the surgery has to happen

it has to happen in the next five days before it starts to heal itself the wrong way so it was like the good news was like a no new it was like no news bad news the good news is that you're here right we validate parking oh wait we don't that was the good news oh man then uh you know she She told me yesterday she's got this cast on. My wife has never broken anything ever before, which is pretty incredible considering I've broken, I don't know, 10 things, 15 things. My kids have each broken something before. She has broken nothing ever in her life. So this was her first time with a cast ever.

And she said to me, when the guy said the cast is going to be on minimum four weeks but could be up to eight weeks depending on how it's healing, she said, I guess that means we're going to have to wait a little bit longer to have sex. And I said, explain that theory at all. Are you on a drought? Oh, yeah. It's the longest drought I think we've ever been on. And it also happened to coincide- What is that, one week?

No, no. This has been going on now since the middle of December. Oh, okay. That's a significant dry spell. Because for multiple reasons. Because you guys have sex, I think, frequently. No, I- Though she says that you don't.

No, I say we don't. Or you say that you don't. And she says it's too much. What's wrong with you? So you've never gone longer than a month before? I don't think we've ever gone longer than a month. No, we've never gone longer than a month. That would be crazy.

And right now, it feels like- For a lot of people, that's not that crazy. That's crazy. I don't know, a whole year. That's crazy, Jake. But you're also not married. I mean, this is crazy. But I'm married, and I've gone well beyond a month before.

You're women. You're two crazies. Did you hear the argument? We are two bitches. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. You said that. It's a lot of emotion you have to figure out a way.

This is- Well, you go crazy if you don't. And I know, just having known you for a long time, that I can tell when that hasn't happened. Allie will just look at me some days and be like, how long has it been? I'm like, please just go into a bathroom or go convince your wife or something. Allie offered to let me use her breastfeeding cubicle here to take care of- It's a pump room. It's called a pump room.

She goes, go use the pump room and pump. You need it. Jesus. Allie, I'm telling you. It started at the end of the year last year. She was away. Then I think I was- She was-

Then she came back and I was sick. And then there was surgery. And then I had my surgery. Oh. And then- You wouldn't have sex after your surgery? I was told I could not. I would have broken the rules

Yeah, but they say not to drink on medication Right, I know, and I did that So then there was that But then there was And I don't think she wants to have sex with a pig man, I don't blame her That I understand And then She went away again

And then she came back And it was going to be go time This was like go time, you're back No more excuses And then there was the And I think she probably made the decision I either have to go upstairs and have sex or I can fall on my own wrist. And she went with that.

And then as soon as the cast got put on, she's like, well, that's going to be another four weeks. And by the way, in this time, I missed the New Year's sex, which is... Birthday sex. And birthday sex, which are two locked in, guaranteed, ready to go days of the year. Good thing you're not keeping track. And the Christmas sex, missed that. Oh, really? You missed Christmas sex?

Of course. I was in full on recovery. So Christmas day, you were just sitting in bed. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, all that. Great day. One of the best days.

I felt like baby Jesus in the manger. It was great. And so I... But why does she think that you can't have sex for the entirety of the injury? She said to me, why would you want to have sex with me? I'm like a cripple. And you're like, bucket list. I'm into it.

And I said, first of all, if you think a cast on your wrist, I could understand maybe, maybe if she was in like traction. I would feel guilty or bad about it, maybe. Okay. A cast on a wrist? She's in an iron lung. Maybe I wouldn't. A cast on a...

I said to her, I've never looked at your wrist. I wouldn't know. To me, that's... It's... I don't even notice it. It's like a manicure. I don't even notice it happening. It's not essential to the sex-having process.

No, 0%. So, in your mind, it's very easily overlooked. But when it's her, if you just had surgery or you just broke something, you don't feel like having sex at all. You're not thinking about that. You're on painkillers and stuff. I wasn't trying to have sex with her last night. I did mention it.

Sounds like you, yeah, if you're bringing it up that quickly. No, she meant, I didn't bring it up at all. Because she knows you're going to bring it up. She just mentioned, I guess it's time to reset the clock. And I'm like, reset the clock. Reset the clock. You don't say that until after you had sex. Then you reset the clock.

We're just extending the clock. Yeah. So she's just saying, don't hope for it anytime soon. She goes, it can't happen. I go, in what world can it not happen? And she goes, I have a cast on for at least minimum four weeks, up to eight. And I go. If you had, how many casts would you have to have on your body to not have sex?

I mean, I have to have a cast on my penis. Outside of that. I still find a way, dude. I find a way. And I would love to hear any, I still had sex tales. You know, just like, okay, I still, I had this or I had mono or I was in an induced coma. I still had sex. I asked, I asked Rock.

I mean, I'll tell you right now what Grok said. And Grok, you know, Grok is very, listen to this, Allie. I'm just going to tell you. Grok is pro whatever you're about to say. Hey, Grok, my wife broke her wrist and she has a cast on. Is there any reason why we should not have sex for four to eight weeks? Most folks with a simple wrist cast can still have sex without issues, as long as it's comfortable and doesn't strain the injury.

Just keep weight off the broken wrist. Avoid positions where it's bearing pressure or bending awkwardly. awkwardly. Why'd you have to pick this girl's voice? Since complications like swelling or nerve stress.

All right, blah, blah, blah. All right, I heard you said what I needed. You definitely picked like a sexy girl as your grok voice. I think that's the default grok.

No, it's not. I think that's grok default. The point is, I've said, do you know how many couples probably have had broken, I had sausage toe, that didn't stop me

from having sex? But I understand, I said to her, and this is the point and people think I'm being an ass right now and I said to her, if you're not feeling sexy

because you have a cast on, I understand, Get over it Just get over it and lay there No, I said then that's a different story But if you think that I'm going to be dissuaded by this cast Don't worry 562 said you should focus on pleasuring her

I said that Did you? I said to her you should focus on pleasuring You did not He's such a liar I didn't think about that With your help we've figured out Who's the most attractive on the show

Least attractive who is the nicest funniest and now it's meanest and i'm not looking forward to this but uh you know we've all got our own list that we've put together to determine who we believe is the meanest on the show and i don't think anyone wants to be described as being mean we'll get to that in a second first though and a health update ali a very exciting health update on the goat line well i dropped my water ball on my toe and now i am a sufferer of sausage so client i want to thank you for being an advocate you're welcome your support is really going to get me through this not all heroes who wear capes that's right it depends on the water bottle that fell though is it just a

regular plastic 12 ouncer it's like a big heavy aero one glass bottle full stanley cup right there on the toe that's that's toe shatter cripple yeah that is uh that's sausage toe welcome to the sausage toe community we're happy to have you i'm a sausage toe survivor and uh happy to do the first official 5k limp for sausage toe we will have to put that together seven hours uh so it's time now for most least are you nervous you seem nervous like you're at the top of the top i don't think i'm gonna be any i don't think anyone would put me as the meanest because i think that uh i think you have the meanest face the meanest face you look mean my face looks mean i got that resting monster face but i think that the reality is i think i have

been nice to everyone here on a personal level and a professional level i try to be but i don't think i'm at the top of the list jake is and jake you put me at the top of your list for meanest my neighbor finally listened to the show the other day and the only thing she said was they're so mean to you yeah we are all the time i mean you bring you bring that on yourself jake what are you talking about no you're not everyone's mean to you it's funny i went to pick up this is so everyone's the top of my list this is a great example of why this is so messed up because the other day i went to pick jake up at a 7-eleven to give him a ride somewhere i forget where we've been going no we were going to almost acoustic okay i go to pick jake up to give him a ride to once again uber over

there to be nice this is me being nice i pick up jake and give him a ride as i'm picking jake up he's standing by some guy at the 7-eleven who i guess is a listener that he ran into there and the guy comes up and he's like hey stop being so mean to jake and i go mean to jake you're i'm here to pick him up i'm literally here to give this guy a goddamn ride to the forum not the first time you've done that by the way and you buy him a pizza on his birthday every single year never said thank you once i couldn't be including right now would have been a great window i met the guy in the 7-eleven the first thing he says to me is like you're jake from klein alley right yeah he's like klein is so mean to you oh my god did you say he's

about to pick me up and drive me somewhere i did say that but also i had to uber to that spot because you couldn't get i don't know man i think klein might be mean to you but i think uh alley uh for me. Why don't you shut up, Jake? I agree. She's number two. I'm number two meanest? No, actually, she's number three. Who's number two? So what's your list, then, Jake? Get your list straight, you idiot.

What's your list? This is so lame. Can you count to five, you loser? Who's number one? You. Okay. I'm the meanest? No way. Klein is not the meanest. So false, but go ahead. Let's hear this. Let's hear your list out.

Number two, it's Vanessa. What does Vanessa mean to you? Whenever, no, it's not just mean to me. She's mean to everyone because she's so brutally honest. But I think there's a difference. What's the truth, baby? Someone needs to hear it. Well, I'll tell you right now, not to interrupt you,

but Vanessa is number one on my list for meanest. Really? No question. She's not number one on my list. She's not? She's not number one on my list either. She's actually towards the bottom of my list. Really?

Oh, interesting. Because Vanessa does not care about feelings. and Vanessa does not take into account how anyone is doing and she'll say the meanest thing possible and then she'll go, okay, well, what do you want from me? Well, she will say little things

like if you say you complain about something having to do with your kids, having to bring them to school, whatever, you're like, well, that's why you shouldn't have had kids. Right. And you're like, well, she's kind of right. I appreciate the honesty.

Yeah. Listen, once again. It's also mean. It is mean. It is brutal. I don't think the honesty is mean. It's just a matter of fact. Yes.

I agree. For me, I think there's a difference between stating the obvious and telling the truth versus being mean. She's not going over the top, you know, kind of like Allie is towards the listeners. You're going down, bitch. Vanessa, out of curiosity, do you put yourself at number one on the list for me? I did put myself as number one. What? Because she knows.

She knows. I do know. I feel like sometimes I don't have patience. I literally have to do breathing exercises to relax. Sometimes I snap at Johnny And then two minutes later I'm like Johnny I'm sorry I snapped But you gotta listen to me

You also yell at the callers I believe A lot of times Oh yeah and when I meet them in person I'm like I'm sorry that I was kind of rude to you I was just overwhelmed Well and like She will talk to them before they go on the air And then she'll pick them up afterward

And be like what happened you messed it up To have energy And get to your point Right, people will, she'll yell at callers before and afterwards. She's just hot-blooded. I don't consider that mean, in my opinion. All right, well, I don't mean that in a bad way. You know, I still like you, Vanessa, but I think that you are the meanest.

And I don't necessarily, but I have Allie at number two on my list. What? Yeah. Because she mocks people. This is what she does. Yeah, that was her making fun of a handicapped person. Yeah, don't. It's not.

Hey, look, if I'm mean funny, it's different than just mean. No, no, you're sometimes, you're just- Making mean jokes, okay? You called us all a bunch of stupid bitches. You guys are stupid assholes. That's right. That's funny mean. That's not funny.

Funny, fun, fun. That's pissed. You can feel that. Yeah, when you get mad, you get, like, really mad. Like, I don't really get mad. I think at one time I got mad about that Friday thing, but, like, I rarely ever get, like, really mad. You do, you do, like, a little furrow of your brow,

like a little angry Muppet. Okay, well, whatever. It doesn't happen. That's pretty mean, Allie. Yeah, see? I'm just stating the obvious, right, Vanessa? I may move you to number one, Allie. You may bump Vanessa.

So you had Vanessa and then me. The two women, of course, sexist. Omar at three, but only because... Women have to be real and makes me a bitch. Only because Omar plays the sounds to make us look like assholes all the time. See, Omar was number one on my list. What? Really? Yeah, because I'm afraid of Omar.

I'm afraid of pissing him off because I think he will unleash and get very, very pissed off. I mean, look, he got pissed off at the guy who sold him a rug, and he went number one on it. That is true. If he's mad at you, it is all bets are off. Right. Unleash the demon anger, and he is not afraid to say very mean things or lash out. But he'll also do things like- Hey, you're not wrong there.

Randomly, he'll be like, hey, Vanessa, I want to just send you $100 to get yourself some lunch because I feel like you're- Yeah, if you're struggling, like, you know, I want to make sure, yeah, you're kind of like, you know, taking care of it. That's what mean people do to feel better. No, no, no, no, no. he'll do these little things like all of a sudden he'll sometimes do this unexpected

nice thing and you go like wow I didn't see that coming or like when I went out with Omar to Weird Al all of a sudden I looked up he already paid for dinner

like you know he did that move okay well little things like that sure but he's mean and he makes up for it like one time he offered to take me home

that doesn't take away the mean he ditched you yeah but I covered your Uber yeah and that's what I said you made up for it yeah that's true but I wasn't trying

to be mean I just needed to leave right away Are we all trying to be mean? So, hold on. We all have different people as meanest. Al, your meanest person is Omar. My meanest person was Omar.

My second meanest was Johnny. Wow. Because Johnny would say little random things that are very mean. Like, I remember, like, a random time where I was walking through the office and he was like, yeah, only moms wear Apple Watches, right? And I was like, what? That bothers you? You are a mom.

Well, yeah, but it's like condescending. It's like, yeah, old people. Jokes. Yeah, but he's too dumb to be mean. mean like means like when Klein was out he was like anyway this good listener came by and I just told him to go because the show's not good today and I'm like what yeah but he's not being mean he's just being dumb I think yeah yeah they're just very cutting mean things especially from like the youngest person on the show you just feel very insulted well it's like a child that

gives brutal honesty because they don't have a filter and they don't know any difference so they're not trying to be mean they just go up to you and say like are you pregnant you're like no I just look like this and he's like that segment was cheeks yeah and you're like shut up I have Johnny is least mean on the show because I think he's too dumb to be mean. Me too. Oh, he also throws pennies at cars that cut him off in traffic. Well, that's kind of a dick move. He does young bro dick stuff like that. Well, then maybe I move him up and Jake is least mean. Oh, hold on, Johnny. Johnny, hey, you're

bottom of my list, but Ali has you at tops of hers. You know, I just heard that, and I just wanted to chime in and say, when that guy came in, he actually said, oh yeah, the show sounds like a train wreck. It wasn't me saying when the girls were on air. Sure, you were just passing along the information. Yeah, I had to pass it along.

When you said Allie was wearing an Apple Watch because that's just something moms wear, were you trying to insult her or were you just stating a fact? I was just stating a fact because she is a mother and she got an Apple Watch. She got that on. Right, okay. Yeah, see, I don't think Johnny has any ill will when he does

anything. I think he's all about good vibes. I think he's silently laughing at us in the back of his mind. No way. Because we're all uncool. They're just like circus music playing in his head at all times. Yeah, I got monkey grinder. Yeah, I'm playing Goo Goo Dolls in my head all day. All right.

Anyway, so Johnny, where did you put Johnny on your list, Vanessa? He's last on my list. Last. Yeah, he's last on mine, too. Yeah, he's last on mine, too. I'm a good boy. Yeah, three people put him last. That means he's the least mean on the show.

All right. Well, I think that he's up to something. Okay. Well, that's at least the meanest, clearly. Johnny, who do you have? Yeah, that's who I have on number one. Johnny, who's meanest on your list? Oh, definitely the meanest person on my list is Allison Johnson, for sure.

Why? So, Allie got meanest. Hold on. How many people have Allie tops on their list? I put her on number one. Omar for Omar, number one. Yep. And for Johnny, number one.

Yeah, she says some snide things sometimes that are kind of like, whoa, where did that come from? And I'm like, all right, whatever. Behind the scenes or on the air? Kind of more like on the air. only ever on the air and i'm like oh okay right what's the man i am an asshole no all right don't listen to her there it is all right so what have we established here on the show that sexism is alive and real yeah that uh if you said the same things everyone would think you were a saint

all right let me try it well i am an asshole isn't he so funny all right that's a k rock with your client alley show uh on the phone right now is not a mere immortal. She is Allie's real life mother. Responsible for Allison Johnson. Responsible for driving her son around in the front seat of the car on the freeway with no seatbelt. She is also

known near and far as the Throat Goat. Throat Goat, Throat Goat. He say I'm a Throat Goat. He like when I choke choke. He got one on my bro coat. Throat Goat, Throat Goat. We don't need to keep doing this. Why are there always so many songs?

We say good morning to the Throat Goat, Allie's real-life mother on the phone right now. Good morning. Good morning. How are you guys? Doing okay. Allie was not happy that you drove around with her son in the front seat of the car on the freeway, but you say, toughen up, buttercup, right? Well, back in the day, it was okay to do that. Was it? Yes. Well, you claim, first of all, you claim that you didn't know about the risks. Is that true, or are you just saying that to make me feel better no i didn't i i when i was looking i was putting something in the car and then i saw the notification on the um visor the one of like the baby dying yeah the silhouette

right right right okay well yeah i didn't know that yeah but will that stop you from doing that again or probably not yes i know i would never do that again okay fair enough um but he was very happy with grammy of course which of course that's the whole idea grammys get to be fun they get to give you you know skittles for breakfast and drive you around you know leave you in a hot car while they go shopping for a few hours they don't know the risks you know so but that's not but that's not what we're calling about now right no no we what's interesting is that it was my stepfather's birthday this is your third day over the weekend yeah this is dad number three this is the best one right mom yes and he's the keeper and by the way they met at their high school reunion

they were mr and mrs valentine in seventh grade it's a real love story but the card that you gave my stepfather is very graphic and was on display for everyone to see and i just thought maybe you would want to share for anybody who's thinking of getting a card for their significant other's birthday what do you mean it was on display so you gave him the birthday card and then the card was they propped it up like anyone who can walk by i always find that interesting when people get display i understand displaying cards but i don't know how you would find this card at a grocery i found this card at that little bakery by your house i can't believe or whatever yeah they have graphic birthday cards the card say

it's you can say it mom it said um the candles on the cake aren't the only thing getting blown today and then he's like thank you so much honey and puts it on the kitchen counter that is you did you uh did you add any uh context to that or did you just say it's a perfect card It says what I'm thinking It's the perfect card He told me it was the best card He's ever gotten in his whole life I'm glad you said card

So I can't believe the bakery by my house Has wonderful pastries And also cards about getting Service But your mom saw that card and said Yep that's the card for Allie's stepdad I'm getting him that card And then how did you lick that envelope

Did you put the whole thing in your mouth Or how did that work No Okay. So, did you slap the envelope on your face first and then lick it, or how did you do that? But you got, what was the actual gift you gave him? A golf club. See, regular just guy gift.

Good stuff. Is that a euphemism? Is that a euphemism, or? No, I gave him a golf club, and then, you know, later. And then what? I'm sorry, Allie was grunting. Allie was gagging over with the second part, as I'm sure you are. What did you say?

And then the special later. Oh, the special. The birthday special. When do we not give the special? It sounds like it's not special anymore. You're giving it right and left every single weekend. Pretty special. It's always special.

Well. How many days are there throughout the year? Growing up, my mom used to say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Oh, God. And I have learned that, you know, that's not necessarily true. Right. It's that 15 minutes. Okay.

A couple times a week. Oh, a couple times a week. That is special. And you're smooth sailing for your whole life. He's a very generous man. Men are very, very easy to please. is there an mlk special you did uh for yesterday or no oh okay all right just like ally right okay not that day she takes the day off uh fair enough wow it's a weekly special it's not a special oh

man incredible that is wild all right well six to six my mom always used to say keep his stomach full and his balls empty that's a beautiful where's that card next year next year's birthday Definitely at that bakery. All right. Well, it's always an eye-opening conversation and a larynx-opening conversation with you. And thank you for joining us on KROQ. And thank you for giving us Allie. You're welcome.

And the fact that Allie did not end up in your esophagus is a shocker to us all, but we're happy to have her. Stop laughing. Okay. All right. There she is. Thanks, Mom. Allie's mom right there. She is the one and only, the real life Allie.

She is the throat goat. There's a lot of imitators. Stop it! Someone said, I'm changing my vote for Lifetime Achievement Award right to Allie's mom. That's a good vote right there. K-Rock, we are Klein Allie. That was a little soon, but okay, we'll go with it. I didn't think I was plotted up yet.

I was checking. Time for the blind butt off, big blind butt off to officially begin. But first, let's meet in our studio now, perhaps the top fan of the show. Definitely, at least in the top five, for sure. His name is Blind Charlie. He's got no vision because of a lifetime he spent playing video games and drinking Mountain Dew. And he lost his eyesight. But ever since then, he discovered radio.

And he realized this isn't nearly as much fun as video games, but it's all I can do now. And Blind Charlie, we're thrilled to have you in our studio right now. Well, thank you for having me. You know, I feel sad that Blind Charlie can't see what's happened with your nose. I know. I would love to do like a clay. Yeah. Can you feel it?

Yeah. Do you want to feel it? Oh, with his nose? Yeah. Sadly, I can't have him feel it right now Because the thing will crumble in his hands Even if I touch it, I feel like it's going to fall apart And he would have had to feel the previous one

To know the difference Well, he felt my previous face many times, Blind Charlie did He loved it, Blind Charlie, but let's not focus on that Let's focus on the asses I was wondering why you went with cartilage from your rib You should have gotten some cow cartilage And then we could have been cow bros I know, I wish that was an option

I would have done that had they given me the choice I didn't even know they were doing it But you're here today to participate in maybe the dumbest idea we've ever had on the show and that is the blind big blind butt off because you uh we saw at k-rocks almost acoustic christmas you were dancing with your girlfriend who's right next to you hi welcome hi welcome thank you for being here you're wearing a sweet dibbitts shirt which means you're also a true fan of the show as well you met blind charlie at a show event and you guys have been together for how long two months two months now honeymoon phase yes and uh when when you uh danced at k-rocks almost acoustic

christmas blind charlie likes to put his hand on your butt so he can feel your dancing that's what reclaimed. You like that? Yeah. Okay. And you had a good time at Almost Acoustic? I did, yeah. And the relationship's going well. Any talk of moving in together or taking it to the next level in any way or just enjoying this present phase? We're enjoying. Yeah. If he is not able to pick your butt out of the lineup in a moment, is that going to, do you think, derail the relationship? No. No, you're still going to love him? Yes. Okay. And Blind Charlie, you think that you're going to do a good job here because we do have quite a few asses you'll be touching? I'm pretty confident, yes okay no one has ever i tried to look this up to see if this has ever been done before just to

get a sense of if you know science this is no one's been this done no one has done this it's the it's one of those few things that doesn't autofill when you type it in on google it just if you could put blind butt it doesn't autofill test doesn't autofill so uh this is exciting for a lot of reasons but mostly mostly for science and there's been a lot of people calling about this all week hey guys happy new year sweet divots so about this butt off challenge blind Charlie, I hope you do well, and also have a good day. There's someone that has come up with a theme song for this, because they were so inspired by what you've done, Blind Charlie.

Hey, I'm in a cover band called Blind Charlie Melon. We only do covers of No Rain, because that's the only Blind Melon song I know. All I can say is that this house is pretty plain. I like grabbing those butt cheeks while I hold my cane. It's a beautiful blind but grabbing song. So our listeners are very talented. Blind Charlie's clapping. He likes that.

Now, you don't think we're up to any shenanigans, right, Blind Charlie? Oh, I'm always expecting shenanigans. I was like figuring that you might like just keep putting her in front of me or have me going down a row and like keep moving people around. I have absolutely no clue what you're going to do, but I do expect shenanigans. And what is your method going to be? Because I think we need to take your hand and place it just so you don't accidentally grab any of the other people's, you know, backs or hair or whatever. But are you going to do a rub or a squeeze?

Well, I was going to ask you what the rules of engagement are. Is there a time limit? Is there a hand limit? What are my limitations and restrictions? I think it's got to be under five seconds. What? Really? That's such a short amount of time.

No, I think that they're— Are you going to count it off? Like one, two? Ali, anything over five seconds I think is too easy for him. I think that there's, you know, we don't know his girlfriend's butt. Maybe she's got a mole on it that he could feel for. We don't know what's going on there. Morning, morning, morning.

A little real butt? But I think he should be able to use both hands if he wants to. Well, is that you're going to go both? I was thinking we do one. I actually wanted to put an oven mitt on Charlie to make it even more difficult, but everyone said that was crazy. Yeah, but that's how he can tell. I mean, if you have an oven mitt, you can't even feel what you're touching at all. That's not fair.

So you can use your bare hand. The butts that you're going to be feeling are all going to be covered with pants or fabric of some sort. Well, I would hope so. Did you practice this with your girlfriend at all? No, she wouldn't let me. She's like, that's cheating. I'm like, I can't even get a – no, no. Good on you.

I appreciate that as his girlfriend to make sure that it's a fair fight. And for any relationship now that's looking to bring their relationship to the next level, maybe this is the thing that will solidify you. If you're at that two-month mark where you go, what are we doing here? It could be the blind butt test. could be the one thing standing between you and marriage. Who knows? All right, well, Blind Charlie, we're going to play one Green Day song.

Okay. And then the blind butt test will begin. So we're going to get all the butts lined up. If you don't believe us, we're on YouTube. You can watch us there streaming live now. Blind Charlie, it's very easy to see which one he is. He's the guy dressed like Waldo wearing the glasses who had his headphones on backwards.

And then, of course, his girlfriend is willing to participate. We didn't peer pressure you into this at all, right? And I know HR has had a few issues about this, Ali. Oh, we had other coworkers coming in here and saying, are you guys actually doing this? because I think this is going to get you fired. So, yeah, we've had quite a few texts about that this week.

Everyone's touching an ass of their own free will. Right, so for all the participants, everyone is offering an ass at their own free will. Everyone is over the age of 18, consenting adults, and everyone has agreed to be a willing participant in this for the sake of science. Verbal contract, Charlie, yes? Yes.

Charlie's girlfriend, yes? Yes. All right, and for all of the other asses that will be in the studio in a moment. Just say in your mind, yes. Just say yes in your mind. All right, the big blind butt test happening next. No one asked for it, but we're doing it anyway.

The big blind butt test can officially begin. Blind Charlie has been brought out of the KROQ studios for just a moment so we can tell the radio listeners exactly what's happening now so that they can participate along. If you're watching or on YouTube streaming, Blind Charlie likes to dance with his hand on his girlfriend's butt. Omar said, could he pick her butt out of a lineup? And we thought we'd never hear of it again, and now here we are a few weeks later

about to give science in the world its first ever big blind butt test. Here's how it's going to work. Blind Charlotte will be brought in here in a moment. He will, I was going to say be blindfolded, but that's unnecessary. That would be a giant waste of a blindfold. Maybe we should do it just for the hell of it.

All right. You know, someone said that maybe we should plug his nose or have his nose be compromised so that he can't smell. Johnny, is there anything we can spray in the studio that kind of masks the smell? What I would like is to make sure the studio is kind of, you know, smells overpowering. Yeah, I think I got something because Jake smells,

so I keep, like, a little air freshener. Oh, nice. Actually, Charlie and his girlfriend said the Nerho smells great. Well, there's no way that they're right. Can you bring in the anti-Jake spray so that we can spray the studio and make it smell nice and neat? Get the Jake-away in here. Yeah, we got that Jake-away spray that we...

It's so funny. It was a special Jake spray. Let's give the studio a proper spray. Oh, there it is. Look at that. That is really your Jake-away spray? Yeah, he's got that because... It really works.

Yeah, Johnny's really offended by Jake's odors. spray it all over the studio now spray it on all the participants here's what's going to happen in a moment just so you know the lineup is going to go like this Charlie's girlfriend is going to be in the number one position we think that that's going to be a big

equalizer like it'll set the tone and I think it's easier to forget about the first sample later on Johnny, Postmaster Johnny is going to be in the second position with his ass Allie has offered up her own ass and she will be in the third position And I've got the same spandex that she asked for, so I think it'll be a fair fight.

And did you, by the way, clear this with your wife? Is she going to be upset at all that you're having your ass? No, I didn't tell her. No, okay. Then we've got in the fourth position, Charlie's girlfriend again. We're going to move her to four to really mess him up and see if he can figure out that there's two of her asses in the same lineup. And then in the fifth position, it's a fake ass that we made. Which we are extremely proud of.

Yeah, it feels great. It's a great feeling fake ass, but we've made this ourselves using water balloons and shirts. And I have a little silicone pasties over them. Right. So you can, they have more of a breasty feel. Yeah, that one's going to be tricky because if he squeezes that too hard, it will explode in his hands. And then someone just has to scream and pretend that he's destroyed them. So that's going to be the order.

If you're listening along, his girlfriend's going to be in position one and position four. Everything else is going to be a different ass. Can he do the unthinkable and pick an ass out of a lineup? And I want to bet before we bring him in here and officially do it, don't mention the lineup anymore. Or Omar, any action you want to get on this with me? Yeah, I think he's going to be able to do it. I got 20 on blind. 20 on blind.

20 on blind for both or 20 on blind for just one? Oh, do you think he's going to know that one and four are the same? Oh, that's a good call. Because I would say that's going to be a tough one. He is expecting shenanigans, so yep, blind on both. All right, I'll take that bet. Even money? Yes.

Anyone else want that? Anyone else want that action? I will say you'll take that too, Jake? Yep. All right. So you're both going against Charlie? You and Jake? No, I'm going for Charlie.

I'm going against that he won't get one and four. Okay. All right, good. Now we've got some action. Now I'm excited. All right, let's bring the man in here. No one else said anything. Let's get the asses ready to go.

And if you lose track or anything, all of this is happening on YouTube, so you can see it in real time. Streaming live there right now. KROQ YouTube. Blind Charlie has reentered the KROQ studios. Welcome back, Charlie. Should we spin him three times, like pin the tail on the donkey, or how do we do this? I think that's important, right? We have to make him dizzy, too?

I mean, that is the original butt test, isn't it? I think that is. There's a whole bunch of new people in here. Don't worry about it. There's a whole bunch of different perfumes. You're picking up a lot of smells now. Yeah. It's a lot of beautiful people, only you can see them all.

All right, Blind Charlie, you're going to feel five butts. Five, okay. Five butts, and Vanessa will go ahead and place your hand upon the butts. So here we go. Blind Charlie is making his way. Vanessa is very happy about her job. Hey, Vanessa, is that producer haircut treating you well now? All right, go ahead, Blind Charlie is feeling butt number one right now.

Hold on, put the hand on butt number one. Blind Charlie, what are your thoughts on butt number one? I'm not going to give you any thoughts yet. You're not going to give me any thoughts? Okay, you're done with butt number one, though. You feel like you've got enough of a squeeze to give it a good thought. Okay, butt number two is getting ready to go. Blind Charlie is moving his way now to put his hands on butt number two.

Blind Charlie is giving butt number two a nice squeeze. Blind Charlie, any thoughts on butt two? Why do I need... You want commentary? Well, I just am curious if... What are you picking up? Yeah, are you picking up anything like could be, maybe not, probably not, tight, loose? You don't want to hear what I want to think.

Do we do? You're raging hard after butt number two? Yeah, what's going on there? I think that's her. Okay, well, I would feel all the butts first before you start locking in. That's why I didn't want to say anything. All right, we go to butt number three right now. Butt number three.

Blind Charlie has felt two butts so far. He's got three butts to go. Hold on. He's about to tackle Vanessa. That's Vanessa. Don't tackle her. Vanessa's full of muffin. Here we go.

Butt number three right now. Blind Charlie's giving butt three a squeeze. Okay. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. All right. We're now going to butt number four.

This is the fourth butt in the lineup. Hold on. We've got to bring someone else in the studio now. Here's butt number four. Blind Charlie, whenever you're ready, this is butt four. Oh, shit. Okay. Whoa.

Hold on. Hold on. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie, you cannot say that word on the radio. Oh, it's okay. It's okay.

It's all right. It's okay. We have a button for that. It's okay. We knocked Charlie a cursed. And knocked a tooth out, I think. Yeah, and smashed his face on the microphone. Good job, Johnny.

Sorry about that. You're welcome. Blind Charlie's going to leave here more handicapped than he entered here today. Blind Charlie, why did you curse after you felt butt number four? Recognition. All right. Okay. Okay.

And now we go to butt number five. Butt number five is the final butt. It's the big blind butt test. Blind Charlie. Can he pick his own girlfriend's butt out of a lineup? Here's butt number five. That's a balloon or what the hell is that? I haven't

even... What the heck is that? Okay. Blind Charlie has felt five butts. That wasn't... What is that? Hold on. He's reaching back

and there's nothing there. Hold on. Bring her back. Bring that woman back, please. That's not a person. Okay. All right. Blind Charlie is reaching back now. This is science. All right. Blind Charlie. All right.

You seem like you are confused a little bit. Hold on. You felt five different butts. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. Which butt do you believe is the butt that belonged to your girlfriend? Number four.

Say what? Number four. Number four. You're confident on butt number four? Number four. What is it about four that made you think your girlfriend? There's the shape, the curve. So why did you eliminate butt number five?

Because that's not a person. That's a gel-filled balloon or something. And what was about butt number three that you said is not your girlfriend? I just didn't feel right. I didn't have any recognition. Didn't feel right. Didn't feel like a human could feel that way, right? I get it.

I don't know. It just didn't feel like hers. Shut up. Butt number two. What was wrong with butt number two? Number two, either you guys are trying to disguise, but it felt very flat and there was jeans on. So it was different than all the others. And what was, and butt number one?

It was, it was firm. And so I didn't get a really good touch. but when I hit four and I felt a certain curve or shape of the butt, that was what made me, I was like, and then that's why I said the expletive deleted. Give him butt one again. Oh, bingo. Bring in butt number one again,

because he seemed like originally he thought it was the first butt, and then he changed his mind to butt four. Hold on, let's get her back in here. Hold on, this is butt number one again. No, okay, this is butt number one. So he touched butt four. He was convinced it was his girlfriend. She's safe.

Charlie, what the hell? Charlie, you've got to stop swearing. I didn't finish it. I know. He said shish. He said shish, which is acceptable. All right, Blind Charlie, now you're back to butt number one again. Seriously?

Hold on. Now bring in four. Hold on. Get one out of here. Get one out. Now bring over four because he seems torn between these two. Bring over four. That's five.

Now four. Go ahead. Here she is. Blind Charlie, what is your final answer now? Try not to swear We should actually have him Field up the butt three The one that he thought was all weird

And have him describe what he's feeling Yeah just to make sure For science I want you to field butt three again Exactly what's wrong with butt three While you field it Go ahead It's

Flatish I don't know Flatish okay what else i don't know it's just not is not desirable yeah right okay fair enough all right that's what you thought all right now we've been through all the butts blind charlie once again you originally answered but number four was your pick it's the blind big blind butt test blind charlie here it is the moment of truth this is your final answer final answer no that's the wrong That was supposed to be a drum roll.

Excuse me. We have Blind Charlie handling the sound effects today as well. Blind Charlie, whenever you're ready, you've got five butts. One of them is your girlfriend's. Which one is your girlfriend's butt? I got to go with one. He went back to one. He went back to one.

You're just settling on one? Yeah. Well, Blind Charlie, you do indeed know your girlfriend. Her butt was butt number one. Congratulations. Okay. Yeah. I got thrown just a tad by four, but after I was able to go back and forth, I was like...

Then you were able to eliminate four? Yeah. Would you trade four for one? Oh, gosh, no. Four is our sales guy, Uncle Scott. There is no way that's Uncle Scott. Yeah, that's his butt. No, it isn't.

Yep. You're joking. No, that's his butt. But he had to leave and go on a sales call, so he can't be here to defend himself. You are kidding me. But you did great, Charlie. You guys are all pranking me, right? No, you did great.

That was a guy? And congratulations. Dang, Scott. You got it going on. I'll take my $20 from Omar and Jake. Just any question about two and three. If there were someone on the show, who would they be? Oh I picked up on that

Immediately as soon as Omar started giggling So who do you think That was Omar's ass You think or no Oh no it was Ally Oh that was Ally Three was Ally

Yeah The one that didn't feel right Yeah Alright well this is I picked up on that Immediately from Omar's lap I'm sure the cheeks Are different sizes

There's probably weird stuff Going on back there Well it just didn't Feel like my girlfriend That's all Blind Charlie I just want to let you know You've made a lot of people

Happy today like you always do 323 said man I just want to pop in here And say I'm so glad I found this show You guys are hilarious Please have Klein call a gambling hotline immediately Jesus man

Blind Charlie Did you win or lose Klein? I think I won I won That's the most important thing Tell them why I'm not going to tell them why Well who were you

Your girlfriend's ass was one in four okay Was? Yes It was both? Yes Okay That's our big M. Night Shyamalan twist Okay

And number five was the sales guy This is a weird question to ask another adult But I was asked it yesterday And I don't know why it hit me so strange But a grown ass man said to me When's your bedtime And I responded by saying I don't have a bedtime

I'm an adult I picked my bedtime Sounds like someone needs one Yeah you're a little grumpy man Whenever I want I'm a big kid Yeah like I don't have a We need some memes I don't have a bedtime

Well you should I have a bedtime You do? Yes 9, 15 That's your bedtime You stick to it? Nope no matter what

Whoa No sometimes a little earlier or something there's like a 15 minute window monday to friday you're 9 15 that is your bedtime yeah well friday night i don't stay up that late yeah i stay up late but you stay up so you don't follow the because they claim if you want to have any sort of whatever positive life health etc you're supposed to literally go to sleep at the same time every single night yeah that's what they said well because if i don't then i i'm not somebody who can function on no sleep i'm just i've never been that way i always need at least six or seven hours of sleep to feel normal and

And you don't go up to bed the same time as your wife, ever? No, because why would she go to bed at that time? That sucks. Well, once again. That's a horrible bedtime. I feel like. But I don't know if she has one. That's a good question.

I don't know if she goes to bed at a certain time every night or if she's just willy-nilly fly by the seat of her pants whenever I feel tired. Bedtime. Vanessa goes to sleep around 6 p.m., right? She goes to sleep same time as my kids, right after bath time. I'm as the sun, but lately I've been watching The Rookie, So I've been getting like six hours of sleep

And I'm not going to lie, I'm crashing And that's why you need a bedtime But Vanessa, when is your self-imposed bedtime? If I want to be Eyes closed by 7.30 Wow Crazy

I literally said that same sentence to my kids last night I said eyes closed by 7.30 I wish that my kid would go to bed at 7.30 That's amazing But Vanessa, 7.30 So when do you eat dinner? Yeah, when do I have dinner? That's where I'm not very good at.

I'll have like one big lunch, and then sometimes I'm like, damn, I should have dinner, but now it's too late. Well, you're like a typical kid. She fills up on snacks. Yeah, typical. I know. You're not going to be hungry for dinner. Omar, when is your, quote, bedtime? On a usual day, I mean, I'm going to sleep 10, 30, 11, something like that.

Damn, that's insane. But also, I just can't sleep, because I know if I try to go to sleep, I'm not going to go to sleep. and then when I do able to I'm able to fall asleep around 11 uh probably 50 percent of the time I'm up within four hours well there's also you have to realize what your bedtime is for you there are certain times where you need to go to bed and if you miss that window you're screwed you won't be able to fall asleep or there's that is true there's gonna be uh if you miss the window then all of a sudden like you're up again if you have to wake up we'll keep you awake yes but but Jake do you you don't have a set bedtime because you take that long ass nap in the middle of the day

I don't have a night-night time. He has a set nap time. Say nap time. He's got nappy time. But bedtime is whenever it is, right? If there's a concert that night. Bedtime is usually, I mean, yes, whenever it is, but usually around midnight. Oh, my God.

What is your bedtime? I don't have a, this is what I was telling this guy. I go, I'm an adult. I don't have a bedtime. Some nights, 11 o'clock. What? Some nights, I pass out at 8.30 on the couch. I don't have a-

Because you went to bed at 11 the night before. Maybe, but I don't, I feel like bedtimes are for children. Or they're for responsible adults Exactly I think you guys hit it earlier on Some people can function with less sleep And if you know that you can't function Then you're going to go to sleep and quote have a bedtime

Well bedtime if it's self imposed Isn't really a bedtime that's just you going to sleep A bedtime means you're going to bed You're forcing it upon someone Right so like that's why I feel like I've now been I've grown out of having that's why I was so surprised Because this guy found out

Oh you're on the radio in the morning Oh he's like You didn't say When do you go to Even that would have been A more normal question I get asked that a lot When do you go to sleep

Oh when do you go to sleep You know But he's like When's your bedtime And I was just thinking To myself what When's your night night After two stories

Whenever the hell Two stories It's probably because He has kids And I feel like That's how they speak It's like when you start Saying you have to go potty

Oh my god Nothing worse than When you're out with your friends Or if you first have a kid You're like I gotta hit the potty Real quick I'm gonna go out to the bar

Nothing worse than that You got questions And hopefully this guy Has answers I'm sure he will. It's time for another Klein Alley Show AMA. And this particular time, we are going to talk to someone who makes their profession and has for over a decade as a male exotic dancer. His name is Cream, also known as the biggest Mexican alley.

And he's been in TV shows and movies, but in real life, I believe, he's competed and won. And he is a real deal stripper through and through. So if you've got questions you've ever wanted to know about someone who does this for a profession, You can get them to us now on the text line at 800-520-1067 or you get on the message board over there on the YouTube as we're streaming live right there. Let's get a picture up if we don't have one up already. Yeah, even Allie, who is a lesbian, is going,

I would totally go straight for this guy right here. I mean, this is a, I believe they call it a snack in the straight community. Is that right? I guess. I don't know. Vanessa keeps pouring cold water on her face, so I don't know what's going on in there. That's not true. She's all worked up.

But it's a good photo. Alejandro Ray is his name. Cream, the biggest Mexican, joins us on KROQ. It's hard for me not to be the most attractive person on the show for a moment, but I'll take a break. Go ahead, Alejandro Ray. Welcome to KROQ. Good morning. Good morning.

How are you guys doing? How's it going over there? We're doing fine with a lot of questions pouring through on the text line. You understand when this is your job. I'm sure there's people that have so many questions. But what job do you tell people you have? Because you don't want to always say you're a male stripper because you know it's just going to be so many questions. So what's your fake job you tell people you have?

I think I was a personal trainer, yeah. Oh, nice. And so how did you make the transition into this job? How did you fall into it? I mean, I was, one day I was just at some random Latin club in South Central LA, and I would say some point around 1 a.m. they started to just, everyone started to kind of parade towards the stage, and my cousin he was actually like hey man go to the stage we're having like a big dude contest

I'm like what they're having a big dude contest look these were his words I'm like okay well I don't know what a big dude contest is walked over to the stage and they're having to be like I would say eight or nine or ten dudes just kind of prancing back and forth and just a whole crowd of women cheering them on and turned out to be like a little strip battle unbeknownst to me I I just walked into it, and there happened to be a manager. It's funny. There happened to be a manager in the crowd who scouted me out and approached me and said, Hey, dude, you ever thought about doing this?

And I'm like, I never have thought about doing this ever in my life, but I guess I'll check it out. What is the most amount of money you have made in one evening doing this job? Because I think that everyone is curious. Let's be honest. We're not the IRS here. You can give us real numbers. But what is the most amount in just one night of doing your stripping job? In a 15-minute set, I did 2,500 in tips.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. How much of that was from Vanessa? Was that all Vanessa? Whatever. Do you feel like people are tipping less in cash, though, now? Or it's like now we live in a Venmo world. So as far as people putting the dollar in the G-string, is that not as much of a thing anymore?

It's still a thing. People mostly throw it at me. now like i'll walk by and just the screen get excited and just you know a stack of 20 just kind of hits me and just flies everywhere um that's common nowadays uh but yeah still tipping hand-to-hand exists i guess that's one thing that you know won't die out but uh you know memo cash app zell ebt well ebt man it takes ebt i didn't know you take ebt Of course, well, he's a snack, Allie. I couldn't take hot foods.

We're doing an AMA right now with a male stripper. Who is, your experience over the past 10 years, the craziest, most horny? Is it like the middle-aged housewife? Is it the young bachelorette party? Is it the gay guy? Who is the one that is the most extraordinary? You're like, man, this is going to be a tough night for me. I'd say the middle-aged career woman, lawyers, the policewoman.

They happen to be some of my most frequent clients, the police ladies, and they're a lot of fun. What do you mean frequent? How frequent is it, like a once-a-month thing, or how often is this happening? This is definitely every weekend. Every weekend, somewhere in L.A., there's bachelorette parties taking place, and they most typically occur in the home. They'll just call up the girls. It's typically 10, 15, 20 on hand.

you're dancing in the living room, you know, you're turning the family pictures the other way. You don't need to see what's taking place. What happens when you get, or I would imagine that sometimes you must get turned, obviously you're working and this and that, but there's got to be times when you have to get worked up during it. And during those times, what happens? Do you have to take a breather? Do you just plow through?

You know, you just tough it out. You know, it's game time. You know, third and seven, the game's on the line. You just got to keep going. So what are you thinking? In your head, are you thinking about sexual things or are you like taxes? You know, are you thinking about things that are canceling out the hotness? I'm just, I'm honestly just thinking of ways to earn more. Right, exactly.

To earn more and to create a lasting impression on these lovely ladies who participate. And have you ever hooked up with one of your clients? I would say early on in my career, but I try to maintain a level of professionalism. It lasts longer and goes further. Is it hard to have a real girlfriend? Yes. Yes, it definitely is. Yeah, it really is.

It's not hard to meet people. Initially, it can sound or seem exciting or kind of clandestine or rare. But then over time, typically tend to become less excited about it. And are the parties changing? I know you say they're bachelorette parties every weekend, but have you done different things like divorce parties, retirement parties? Oh, yes. Divorce parties, birthday parties, just because parties, your man ate S parties. I've had all kinds of different titles for parties.

Your man ate S parties. There's a whole line of those cards at the CVS alley. They're very popular. Is that the shoebox center? We're talking to Cream right now, also known as the biggest Mexican. He is a local, international, TV, movies, male stripper. And you don't, maybe I'm wrong about this, but do you rarely go full naked? Are you always wearing something down below, or do you go full naked too?

For the most part, I'm wearing something down below. What about those other parts? When are you getting full on naked? It just depends what the city and state laws happen to be at the time. We're zoned for the helicopter trick here. We can do that right now. We can do that in this part. Yeah, what county can that take place in?

Do you have a safe word? Not near an airport, Ali. It can't be near an airport. Do you have a word that people can say if you're getting too, like if you start grinding and they get too overwhelmed, something that they can say? I mean, I tend to be a good reader of body language and energy, so I try to be mindful

throughout my entire presentation and I just kind of see what's taking I'm reading the energy, I'm feeling the screams I'm looking at the amount of money that's being thrown at me and that will pretty much indicate how far the

exhibition will 714 wants to know how hard is it for you to perform when you're doing it for like an old person or an uggo, is it tough for you to do your job even though you are very disgusted by the person you are dancing on top of. I would imagine women get to experience this a lot. Female strippers are probably disgusted by most of the guys.

So for you, is that tricky as well? I would say money is all green, my friend. Money is all green. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This comes from 562. Has he ever done a Make-A-Wish show? Oh, man, what a question. Or have you ever done anything for, like, somebody who's ill

and needs to get, like, a feel-better type of thing? you know i did something once where a young lady was on her way out wow yeah and i i didn't know until i had gotten there i until i arrived and the person you read it on the banner and you were like oh my god they came to the side they told me hey this is uh something she's always wanted she doesn't have much more time like nobody told me this before i got here and it wasn't like but This one was exclusively, it was just more to it because it wasn't just like her and her girlfriend. It was like her whole family was there. Her dad was there.

What? Oh, my God. Now, do you grind on the dad as well? Or is he just kind of? No, no, no. Dad, you got to, you know, social distancing, Dad. You know, six feet behind, man. Stay back.

But you will do parties for anybody, right? So if there's like a gay bachelor party, you're happy to do that as well? There are guys that do do that. I stay exclusively to the ladies. I hear you, dude. Good move, good move. Whatever, you're not being asked to do either of them. That's right, this guy's the biggest Mexican.

He's not wasting his time out with your people. Come on, he's focused on the horny ladies. Well, he can make a lot of money. I would imagine. And what's the rule on hands? Because usually there's a rule, you know, no hands. You know, you get to decide what everyone touches, right? But women get very grabby, don't they?

Yeah, they do. But to me, there's no tipping, there's no stripping. So if I don't see money in those hands, then those hands don't touch me, pretty much. Wow. Do you have a cool, sexy move for picking up the money? Like, I always think if a $20 bill falls in, like, a weird crack, I'm, like, I'm on stage trying to figure out how to sexily grab that money. Yeah, if I see, you know, because I'm kind of pretty accustomed to what a one looks like.

So if something other than a one falls, it kind of, like, catches you. You're like, oh, cool, let's check that out. I just kind of, with my left foot, do a little sidestep and just sweep it off. Yeah, just boom, boom, boom. You know, away from the pile. Just kind of, all right, let me hold on to this one. And this has been a very successful career for you, obviously. You've been doing it for over a decade, still crushing and busy, man.

Yeah, this is my 17th year for sure. Wow. Making a lot of money doing this. I would imagine over a million dollars probably since you started this, right? Man, close to it. 626 wanted to know, would you yourself ever date another stripper? I have. And how was that?

I tend to think it worked out well. We understood each other's lifestyles and careers. We both got out at the same time. I said, all right, see you after work. See you at 2. I'll wake up at the crack of 11 a.m. Sex is probably pretty incredible. Or you're just giving each other lap dances and taking turns forever.

Where's the money? No tipping, no stripping. I'm your girlfriend. Hey, final question for me because obviously I look at your body. We have very similar body, muscle tones, et cetera, abs, et cetera. Do you also eat a driving slice when you come home with a full pizza to eat? do you also eat a slice or do you do something? What is your most, you know,

what is the biggest exercise, a hack you have to look like that? Five days a week, man, five days a week, an hour, an hour a pop. Cardio, I run at least one, two miles a day. Oh, my God. Yeah, I just, I started, I wasn't always a male stripper. I started as a football player. So when I played ball, I just kind of held on to those ideals. All right, well, this has been a fascinating AMA.

We've learned a lot about your job. Kareem, thank you for joining us. Final question is from Vanessa. Are you free on Friday? That's not true. But if he was free, Vanessa, I think you'd hit it up, right? Look, he's very handsome. I'm not going to lie.

But he's not, like, I'm too little. Come on. I can't do that. The biggest Mexican can take on someone little. He can take on anybody. Right, Kareem? Yeah, we've done shows for little people, too. That's right.

The biggest Mexican and the littlest Colombian? That sounds like a probably helpful right there. That's a traveling act. I'd like to see that. All right, well, fascinating. Thank you. I'll put you on hold. You can talk to Vanessa now off the air.

You know what I'm saying? Sounds good. All right. Vanessa, I'm in on this. A tip. Venmo from me so you get five minutes on the phone. All right? Vanessa's birthday's coming up.

Oh, that's right. We have to get you in studio. That was her original plan, too. She was really pushing for in studio. She's pushing hard for the in studio. Grinding up. All right, well, listen. Good to meet you, man.

Thanks for joining us. Thanks for having a good sense of humor. Appreciate you. Thank you, thank you. I'll get you on the standby boarding list to see Tame Impala, this guy, right here, coming up in about 20 minutes on K-Rock. K-Rock, we're a Klein Alley show.

Vanessa's mom called her, I guess, and said, I have some interesting news to share with you because I've been seeing a psychic. Does she go to a psychic regularly, or is this a new thing? I guess, no, she told me she's been seeing this lady for 15 years. 15 years?

15, one, five. 15 years once oh my gosh what is happening once once a year once a year

she sees her for 15 years yep so obviously she keeps going back because this medium is good I guess

I guess she like tells her things that have happened and are happening in her life and she always asks she tells her things that have happened

no like oh this is happening right now yesterday was Monday the whole year that have happened in her life and are going to happen

and I guess some of them have come true and she'll ask about my brother and then she asks about me and I was like, okay, well, what did she say about me? And everything she said, you know. Well, hold on, hold on. Vanessa, if you don't care, if you don't believe in it and you don't care,

then why would you even... It's obviously on your mind. Then why would you even ask her what she said about you? I mean, if you're one of these people that's... To amuse her conversation, to have conversation with her. Mm-hmm. I was like, okay, so what did she say about me?

Because she's told me this before and she was totally wrong and so I wanted to know. And she's like, well, you're gonna get a new job in florida i'm like mom florida i already lived in miami and i didn't like it so that's wrong maybe she got confused about what's already happened maybe she's having a hard time remembering what's going to happen what already happened yes sometimes she's just reporting on the history the thing about the psychics you know is that a lot of times they'll

say something and then when you say like that's impossible i never had a brother they'll say something like a spiritual brother in the past life right a brother that you don't know about yet or oh that's right that's a brother you're going to have soon i do have a brother but see you're good client thank you jeez my power hold on so you're vanessa i'm sensing you have a brother yeah two whoa two i actually didn't know that did not know that either but okay you guys don't ask me questions i could sense that so what did uh she so she said you're taking another job and you're moving to florida yeah and i was like there's nothing in florida that i would be like

oh yeah i totally want that job over there uh second thing she said is that i'm gonna get married this year and that it's gonna be intimate and i'm gonna have a baby boy and i was like everything in that sentence is wrong why would it be a small wedding first of all i want to have a party a small wedding does not sound fun to me so that's wrong too are you currently are you currently seeing anyone at all no i'm not seeing anyone so in one year you better get to it you are going to exactly this is all wrong this sounds like shotgun wedding vanessa's gonna get knocked And then the person's going to say, we've got to do it at the courthouse, intimate wedding. I don't want to say this out loud, but I don't want babies.

So if that were to happen, there's no baby coming out of me. Doesn't mean there might be one happening. There's no babies happening. Maybe she'll start dating somebody with a kid already. Maybe that's it. Maybe she's confused because you are a kid. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know, but I was like, Mom, you're a medium.

And you're kind of dressed like a little boy today. I'm seeing little overalls. I'm sensing a baby in your future. Hilarious. Is that possible? She could be seeing me. Oshkosh Spagosh. Is that what she's thinking?

Vanessa, maybe you are the kid. Yeah. I didn't think about it that way. Yeah, because the psychics always give themselves like a little margin of error. So they're like, oh, that's right. And it's such a little margin in this case. Right. It makes sense.

Congratulations. I guess, yeah. Sounds like you're going to have a really exciting year. that actually that sounds like a bad year yeah but you don't you don't think that maybe there's a chance that you can meet someone this year and have a baby within this year maybe not the baby part but get married no that's not how my brain works i need five years under my belt what if you adopt uh maybe adopt something a dog maybe it could be a dog anyway you can have one of ours if you want what i was telling my mother was that mom you're obviously getting scammed because

everything she said about me is a no and your mom just don't go see a media but your mom sides with the psychic she's like i've seen her for 15 years i was like mom this is crazy i've been a sucker for 15 years has she ever uh given anything accurate so for 15 years she's been asking questions about you she has what about you has been right and on all of these no literally this is the second time she's ever told me about it that first time she shared which was like two years ago she told me she the psychic told my mom that i was gonna leave in the east coast like that's where i was gonna reside and i was like oh new york because i have been wanting to go there but nothing that she's ever said makes sense the psychic really wants you to leave didn't you live

in miami on the east coast the east coast the east coast baby so she was right she got that part right but i was i was in south florida so wait what what is south it doesn't matter that is you are southeast do you want me to get a new job no we don't want you to leave real guy it sounds like this psychic has been spot on about everything you went to this you said she said you're going you went now you're gonna get married god damn it you can't go more than where you were You resist as it gets. Do you understand? I don't have guys east.

East. Okay, all right. Okay. So congratulations on the baby. Oh, God. And I don't know who this man is yet, but this is exciting. Maybe we don't know who the father is. Could be anybody.

Could be anyone. That'll be a fun radio game to play. Once we find him, you're going to marry him. Everyone knock on wood. This is terrible news. Maybe the psychic is just like, God, 15, after 15 years, what else do I? I've got to give her something. I've just got to make stuff.

I'm going to go East Coast Baby Marriage. Just all three of them. Those are the big ones right there. Moves, Babies, Marriage. Vanessa, congratulations. What an exciting day. I didn't realize that we would learn all this information about you. Well, if you'd like to marry Vanessa, call now because she's got to get married this year and have a baby.

So she's got to get on it. All DJs are waiting for a discount. There you go. It's not free. Nope. I'll MC it. Use promo code EST to save 40% off DJ services. It's never fun when you get into a car accident, but sometimes they're funny.

It's not fun, but it can be funny, especially if you get into a car accident for a very stupid reason. And yes, you're mad at yourself because it's going to be annoying and potentially very expensive. I watched a guy at a red light try to kill what looked like a spider or bug that was on his dash. And as he went to hit it with his hat, I guess he somehow took his foot off the gas and rear-ended the person in front of him. and to witness it all happen for me was very funny and no one was hurt and i'm sure it's still going to cause who knows thousands of dollars for the damage and you know the spider still in there definitely didn't kill the thing i mean it was it's the weakest to try to reach over the dash with your hat and get it but it was just funny in that moment the body was like can't

keep foot on brake and also do the other thing you must choose and somehow that happened and i was thinking about the dumbest reason you've ever gotten into a car accident for you know there's there's always the obvious ones like speeding or you know or trying to fit into a free parking garage that someone told you was free and then you scraped the whole side of your car trying to get into it oh yeah your car's jacked up yeah yeah you yeah that was that's just you being an idiot but i mean i think there's aren't all of these people being idiots well sometimes in like in theory like i understand the whole like i was trying to eat something while driving and accidentally i know one time i was driving with flip-flops on and one of my flip-flops fell off

and I was trying to slide my foot into it. And then in a moment, I couldn't find the flip-flop and had to make a decision, flip-flop or break. And I went flip-flop, and then I also smashed into someone. And that was really... Good decision, though. I know. Like, I don't know, my brain was like, I knew break,

but I was like, go flip-flop. And then I couldn't do it. Yeah. And it was one of the stupidest things, but also... It's also a story you tell a cop when you were just negligent. My foot slipped out of my shoe, and I was just looking for it. It had nothing to do with drugs and alcohol. Right.

But I'm sure if you're driving around listening right now You probably think back to all of your driving And maybe you're one of these people that quote as a clean driving record But still What is the dumbest reason Like absolute dumbest reason that you have gotten into An accident because it's called an accident Because oopsies didn't mean to

Well I almost I actually didn't hit the thing But I almost did I was in a parking lot And a bee flew in my car And I just full on got out of the car While it was moving You got out of a moving car Yeah, I just freaked out, opened the door, got out, and then realized my car was still moving and fully in drive.

And then I had to run to chase my car and jump back in it before it hit a wall. I did get in there in time, though, and I felt like a hero, even though I caused the entire issue. Jake claims he thought he saw, like, a celebrity, not even a big celebrity, but, like, a medium celebrity. This is a big celebrity! And he smashed... I almost re-entered the guy because I thought Josh Homme was next to me on Barham going back to Burbank. it was like some fancy pants car and I couldn't

I was trying to look in and see if it was him or not and then while I was looking I was like an inch away from where you're ending this guy I mean that you think about like

the dumb stories as to how did you because that's people always ask oh sorry I got a car accident oh what happened everyone wants to know what happened

I thought I saw the lead singer of Queens of the Stone Age on Barham but it wasn't it could have been I couldn't really get a good look but I thought it was him

and do you say that story to the cops and as I saw it was him I smashed I almost smashed into another car yeah

Because that's what life is. You drive anywhere, any day. You know, you think you're always one moment, one random weird thing away from getting an accident. Your fault are the other person's. And most of them are, I would imagine, stupid. Well, and I imagine a lot of people, though, will get in accidents for serious reasons. But 626 said, I'm really triggered by this entire conversation because I literally got into an accident 10 minutes ago. Oh, man. So this person's probably sitting on the side of the road waiting for the police to show up, hearing about these ridiculous reasons people have gotten into cars. But there's good ones, and then there's ones that are the stupid ones. James, I'm KROQ at 800-520-1067. What happened? The stupid I can do.

I was driving up Lake Avenue, and I saw a guy driving a big white Cadillac wearing a white cowboy hat, and I craned my neck to turn around and see him, and I rear-ended somebody. Yeah, I don't know why we have such human curiosity. A cowboy hat? A cowboy hat. Let's see what he's up to. In L.A.? Smash.

And then you think to yourself, God, that was so stupid. What did I think? 626 said, I almost rear-ended somebody one time on Larchmont in Beverly because Conan O'Brien was on the corner with a bag of Noah's Bagels. Oh, well, see, that's worth it, right? I mean, that's almost, I think it's that funny thing where you're like, I know I'm supposed to watch the road, but also my car is supposed to be smart enough to stop if something gets in the way. True, and I think that has saved us. There have been a few times where I'm doing whatever, and then all of a sudden my car is like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, and I'm like, whoa, what's going on? And I probably would have been in many car accidents if it wasn't for that annoying beep by now.

Yeah, but the beep also, we hear so many of the beeps now. It scares me. It almost becomes irrelevant. I tune it out all the time. Yeah, but this is like a scary beep. Yeah, I know. It's a threatening beep, but it's supposed to be. But it doesn't mean much, though.

909 said, I got T-boned coming out of a gas station. And this was the only day of the week that I didn't smoke before leaving work. And I always think if I had, maybe I wouldn't have gotten T-boned. Smoking at the gas station is usually quite a good idea. I was clicking on a text from my mom that was a reminder to not text while driving. And as I read that text, I smashed right into the wall. See, that's one of those things as well. Those walls will come out of nowhere.

So be careful. But if you do get into, quote, a dumb accident, which is a very different type of accident, there's the real accidents, and then there's the dumb accidents. Those are the ones that we like to celebrate here at KROQ. Except one before, I was smoking in my car, and I accidentally flicked ash into my eye, then swerved and hit a parked car. I was doing karaoke in my car And I did a headbang

And flipped And turned too fast and hit a light post Yeah see once again Is that the story you tell or do you tell a better story And what song were you singing Right that matters too I was eating spicy beef jerky once I almost amazed myself because I itched my eye

I had to pull over But you pulled over though Hey Ryan what happened to you I'm talking about your dumbest accidents Because there's no shortage out there And I think the insurance companies that give us our premiums want to hear about these. What's up? I got RH, and the girl had braces, scraped the penis, and I hit a fire hydrant and told

the cop that an incoming car was coming into me, and I had to make a safety maneuver, and I went over a curb and hit a fire hydrant. Wow. You're getting a road throaty. Cool. A road throaty. It's a great- Shout out, Ashley.

Shout out. Shout out. Did the cop believe you? I wonder. Are you just like- I mean, at that age, you feel like they've got to be lying to you, right? Chris on KROQ, what happened to you? I was on the 101 freeway.

It was a few summers ago. Some girl was behind a motorcyclist and, you know, hugging him forward, and she's wearing a slingshot tank top. Never saw her face, just saw her long hair, and her left boobie was out. And we were all going 10 miles an hour, stop and go, and I look over, and I'm like, oh, my God, her boobie's out. And I looked a little bit too long. The car in front of me broke.

Boom. Oh, no. And then what do you say when they say what happened? You have that weird exchange with the person you smash into. It's like, what happened? You say, it was a boobie on a motorcycle. I just said, I looked over, and I saw the motorcycle was too close to my passenger side mirror, and I didn't say anything about the boobie.

We exchanged information, and he said there was nothing. There was more damage to my car than his, and he's like, we'll squash it. 818 said, I was looking up at the sun to figure out how bright it really was, and the next thing I knew, I had smashed into a truck in front of me. See, that's one of those dumb thoughts you have. You're like, how bright is this sun? And then you just go, oh, it's mad. These are just bored car thoughts.

Right. And it's your fault, driving, for being so boring. Yeah, yeah. If driving were less boring. But obviously, the idea is that if you don't do it right, you end up dying. So it's supposed to be exciting enough, I guess. But this is why the robots need to just fix this problem for us. Clearly, we should not be responsible for driving vehicles.

But I do think if they had some sort of a constant scorekeep that was going on, right? If every car was linked to some sort of a system and we were all playing some sort of a game where you got points for whatever it is, you know, that maybe then people would be a little bit more focused on the actual driving part of it. Like if you could stay in the lanes. Yeah, whatever it is, right? Without going out and then you would get something. And 951 said at one time, I sneezed five times in a row and rear-ended the car in front of me. Yeah, that's great. That sucks. There's a lot of stuff about being in a happy relationship or ways to fix your marriage or ways to whatever it is. And today, some research out shows that if you go to

bed around the same time. That is a key indicator that you will be in a happier relationship. If your bedtimes are synced up, and I think they said that the number is at least four nights a week, the couples that go to bed around the same time, four nights a week, tend to be happier or at least feel closer than those that are like, I pass out when I pass out, you pass out when you pass out. Sometimes because of work schedules, you can't sync it up. But if you're both home and someone likes to sit up, I'm going to stay in the living room and watch TV for a couple hours while you go to bed they're saying that uh you know not that your relationship is doomed but that the couples that usually go to sleep around the same time are happier this is complete bs not only have i can't

even tell you the last time i went to bed at the same time as my wife but all the old couples i feel like my parent my parents my and all the grandparents i can recall nobody went to bed at the same time it was like grandma went to bed at 8 30 and then grandpa stayed up until like 1 a.m Or even like older times, he slept in separate beds. Totally. The separater, the better. About everything. Space, time, everything.

Yes. Just move it apart as far as possible. And I understand that in a way, okay, yeah, you get to cuddle before you go to sleep, but nobody's doing that anyway, even if you are synced up. And even though I'm not synced up with nighttime sleeping, my wife and I are synced in other ways. Ugh, is that a menstruation comment? It is. That is disgusting.

God damn, you are gross. Gotta have the same cycle Then we learned yesterday during the old people's secret That another way that you can be in a happy Long lasting relationship Is if you do what this guy does It happens Right before bed

Don sits down beside his bride of 68 years And starts to sing Unforgettable That's what you are Unforgettable I just look forward to it She doesn't sound like someone who looks forward to it, but for 65 years, he's been singing that song to her

every night before bed. I think she's talking about death. Oh, is that what she's looking forward to? She's talking to the Grim Reaper, standing at the window? I'm looking forward to it. Unforgettable. I just look forward to it. And he has a beautiful voice.

A song of love that clings to me. So we challenged each other yesterday to attempt to use this. Clearly, this works for them. They've been married 65 years. And the challenge was that last night before bed, Allie and I were both going to attempt to sing to Our Wives, the same exact song, which is an absurd song because it's from like the 30s or whatever. But that was going to be the plan to see if it made the relationship better. You think it would have?

I don't know how this went for you, but do you think it would have gone better if it was a more familiar song? Well, it's funny you say that. A song by one Mr. Pitbull? I did attempt a modern day. song you did after the first one failed pretty bad i was not able to do this last night because of the different bedtimes my wife was still at her tap class when i went to sleep so i wasn't able but i am going to do it tonight i will so this was me uh walking up uh to my wife as she was uh you know getting ready for bed and washing her face and doing all that and uh this was how

that this went it didn't go great um and i don't think that i she's not going to react the same way that other woman did but i look forward to it every night but here we go i don't know the song but let me just say you sound like snuffleupagus she she looks up at me nose buzzing uh i don't know what kind of anomaly is how you are what is that unforgettable what is she she said she's singing along with you no she goes she said i don't understand no i i didn't really give a lot of context here i just went up as she was corner she was i think she was like taking off her makeup or putting or brushing her teeth and i just went up and started singing this and she's like i don't understand

Now, what do you do with your arms? Are you surrounding her? Are you looking at her face? What's the sitch here? Yeah, are you coming up behind her with a little... Yeah, she's standing in front of the mirror doing some sort of whatever the latest TikTok beauty trend is. and I am standing behind her singing the song, realizing how ridiculous this is, but...

Are you literally just standing there, or are you moving? I'm in boxers, no shirt, and I'm standing there. Is there a hand around her waist or anything? I think I was doing jazz hands. Oh, I like that. During the song. In every... I also was thinking to myself, I should have...

Are you out of breath? Yeah, I'm a little winded. I also was thinking to myself, I should have read the lyrics before I went in and did this. I don't know the song. In every way Jerry, relax, I'm just singing a moment The dog

Relax, I'm singing a moment You sound drunk Yeah, I think I was Did your ambient kick in? I think I was on an ambient But also the point is The dog did not like the singing at all And ran in from the other room

And started, I mean just hated Hated what was happening Yeah So the dog was jumping up So she's going, he's freaking out He's like, is there happiness? This isn't right Something's off here

What is he doing? Sing a romantic song. This is a happy couple. You want me to sing that song to you every day? Mm-hmm. She said, mm-hmm. Well, at that point, I think the toothbrush was in her mouth. I think she was trying to end it.

Oh, okay. Really? Mm-hmm. I heard a story on the show today about a guy that's been married for 65 years, and he sings that to his wife every night before bed. Why? Why? Great question.

Doesn't understand happiness. Great question. Why? Why would he do that? Why would he sing that to her every night? I don't know. That's a great conversation I don't know, they're like happy

She says that she loves him When he sings it to her That's cute So do you want that song? Right That's cute, right? I don't know Take you to the candy shop

She likes 50 Cent So I decided maybe I'll modernize it Take you to the candy shop I'll let you lick the lollipop Is she loading a gun? Is that what you like? Keep singing Alright, every night before bed

Get ready, 65 years Okay I love you Are you going to let me go? weren't you leaving the house yeah isn't that a beautiful uh little moment right there so go to the candy shop and then get the f out of here so clearly uh the old man did a much better job than i started doing this about 50 years ago to me and i discovered a couple of things first of all it pleased her well very different situation there's no first of all here yeah so

there you have it that was my attempt to bring romance a time-tested method and i recommend everyone try that tonight it'll work does she ever say i love you back so the funny thing is i know you won't believe me but as i stopped the stupid recording thing and then i i go yeah let me take the dog she said thank you so much for singing to me i loved it and i love you she said that part she said i i love you and then she goes come here for a kiss that was i didn't get any of that on tape i don't believe it i swear to god this is this is the woman we know i love you bye yep there it is that's romance right there question do you respect uh reserved parking signs if they are not like stenciled or spray painted or professional signs but like hand

drawn with sharpie on cardboard and put in front of a parking spot that's a reserve for In a parking lot or in a residential area? There's a strip mall that I stop at sometimes on the way home. This mall, it's a strip mall. It's a mini strip mall. I have a strip mall. It's got a 7-Eleven. It's got a custom frame store that I've never seen anyone in ever.

Yes, because if you walk into those places, they say your quote is $5,000. And then you walk out. You walk out immediately. They all go to Amazon for an $8 frame. This parking lot has a food place, a 7-Eleven, and a custom frame store. it's got 10 parking spots the custom frame store has hand-drawn signs reserving four of the spots which isn't that rich they can't even get a good frame for their stupid sign exactly that's the part that's crazy you got a whole store of frames in there yeah and this is hand-drawn on the back

of cardboard and so when i pull in of course there are no spots by the 7-eleven and there are no spots at the food place because those have people in there and then the frame store it's got four perfectly good spots and so yesterday i pulled into one of the frame store spots take it they don't deserve it walked into 7-eleven got some stuff came out and then the frame store guy goes hey did you see the sign and are you serious yeah i said yeah i saw the sign i go you got three other perfectly good spots here and no and no one's there there's no one here he goes these are my spots and i and i said to him how are these your spot now i don't know what the rules are i know what lease they got maybe they do zone it where because there are some bigger strip malls

where it's like these ones they're all labeled it's like this one is for the cleaning place i see that a lot too the dry cleaners try to reserve a few now i don't dry cleaners are aggressive about their aggressive and i get it if you're there you got to drop stuff off in your place but uh is that is anyone legally on top of this or is this just people throwing up signs going these are my spots i imagine that for the strip mall they're like all right guys everyone gets four no one gets four spots you can leave them free reign or you can label them it should be based on popularity i mean they should look at the the traffic going in and out of the store all right most of the people going to 7-eleven are getting food i think those signs are suggestive

where it's like hey if if if it's busy then maybe you know you respect it but if there's spots available i think it's just a free-for-all you go into like a real parking garage sort of thing and it'll say something like, you go to a medical place, it'll say, spot reserve, doctor, so-and-so. And that's usually- That I think you have to respect. That's a real sign, usually.

I mean, it's written on- I mean, they're always empty because the doctor's never there. Never there. Doctors aren't working. They're like, where is he, huh? He's in Barbados. God, damn.

But this frame shop, it's like they're trying to own the lot or something for no reason. I've never, I mean, I'm telling you, I've been to this place, I've been to this parking lot 15 times. Go to 7-Eleven a lot, do you? A lot.

So how'd the conversation run out? The guy says, he goes, hey, these spots are reserved for the, now, you know, a lot of And your face is reserved for my fist. And I said, yeah, I just had to run in for a second. And he goes, it's not about how long you're in there. It's that these are the spots. And I said, I got it. Did that hurt your business at all?

And he said, it's not about that. It's like, did you see the sign? And I said, yeah, I see these signs. what was his temperament he was annoyed because I feel like the only I think maybe every time someone pulls into one of his spots he goes because he's sitting in an empty frame store

like god damn it dude you get out of here I think he's excited that when someone pulls into one of the spots he's about to rip off he's about to rip someone off with a custom frame so he's like oh god I got a sucker pulling in here what's this guy got at the plumb and then he gets mad that you pass the door and walk into 7-Eleven

and I'm pretty sure those frame shops only have to sell one frame a year to break even because of what they try to upcharge on the quote custom framing. The only other people that are in there are people like Jake. Yeah, right. Jake's like, gotta get my magic eye frame to hang above my bed. Which is moth. I want to frame this moth. This is Shrek with a top hat.

Frame it. It's a good moth, dude. So, yeah, so, and I said, all right, well, I won't park here again. And he goes, you better, or something like that. Or, you know, what did he say? Hold on. Okay, I won't park here next time. He goes, that's right, or something like that.

And I was like, so now today I am going to go back and park there again. But what are you supposed to do instead? That's what I'm always like. I'm going to take the only spot because what's the other option? I'm going to double park and block somebody in or I'm just going to sit like a sitting duck. And some people, by the way, choose to do that. I see a lot of people that stack, that start stacking cars. No.

And most of the people there, I'm telling you, 7-Eleven is like, for the most part, unless you're really high. How long are you going to be in there? Three minute in and out operation. Every spot could be a 10-minute spot. Right. You won't outlast the 10 minutes. But I'm just saying, if you're a frame shop and you're custom cardboard writing on a piece of cardboard reserved for frame shop, no one's respecting that sign. No.

No one respects you or your spots. So remember that. If you want an easy $100, call now, 800-520-1067. You know, someone said that you should just put your own cardboard sign to combat his cardboard sign. Say Klein Spot. Reserved for me. I just got it taped under his sign. Because it's just a reserved frame shop.

but I just got to cover up the word frame shop with Klein. Yeah, or say frame shop unless there's no spots at the 7-Eleven. I think that's a great, because really, what does his cardboard mean over my cardboard? You should just have a cardboard off. I'm making a sign. I got to make a sign. It's the return of the Olympics, and everyone has had their moments.

Maybe it was in college. Maybe it was this past weekend. Maybe it was in the minivan. Allie said, I missed out. I had a rental minivan. I didn't even decide to have sex in the minivan. And it was so disgusting and so many crumbs and goldfish and Cheerios all over the floor of it. I guess I didn't think it's a nice bed for you.

I didn't think to myself I should have had sex in that thing, but I guess I should have. And let's be honest, it's time to brag about those moments that make you worthy of winning these Olympic Games. Any threesome, I think, would count, especially unexpected threesome. Could have been. And I know that some of that stuff seems tame by today's standards, but sometimes it's who was it with? I mean, there was a time that Allie was having that illicit relationship with that flight attendant. Remember that whole thing? What? Was that you?

Was it? I thought there was some flight attendant that you were obsessed with. Obsessed with? Maybe that was your softball coach. I did hook up with a flight attendant. And I did also, my wife and I hooked up with her old softball coach. Ah, there you go. So Allie is attempting to make it onto the podium of these Olympic Games.

Yes. But she's ineligible because of the performance enhancing drugs she takes. Say hi to Erica, and we'll make our way up and down these phones and try to keep these as clean as you can for the sake of the FCC. But go ahead, Erica, what happened to you? I used to work at a hotel, and I was a manager for a department, and I slept with four of my employees, and none of them knew, and all of them had women in their lives.

Oh, man! So five male employees, they're all male or men and women? Just male. And how does that, like, using the same icebreaker with every employee, how is this being initiated? Well, because I was their manager, I mean, I had, like, a power over them. I could force them. The power dynamic. I'd say I'll fire you if you don't sleep with me.

Real problematic. So you got, and then, of course, you're in a hotel, so you have no shortage of rooms at your disposal, right? Never in rooms, just in storage facilities. Oh, man. What was the reason, do you think, like, behind that for you? Like, I don't know if that's something you've ever tried to, quote, unpack. But, like, was there a power play there? Was it the idea?

Was it like a, what was the reason? It was definitely was a power play, but I was also in a terrible relationship. So them giving me attention just, like, fueled me. Got it. That's interesting. And they still don't know about it to this date. Four different employees that were all with you at different times, but all over the same period of time.

Wow, that's real gold medal stuff right there. Yeah, I wonder if you have to, you're the manager, you're scheduling to make sure that the people you're hooking up with aren't overlapping. Erica's like the Norway of our whole Olympics. Yeah. Coming out of the gate strong with a medal contender. Say hi to Devin now. Devin, the whole Olympics are for everyone, men, women.

Go ahead, Devin, what happened to you? So I had, I slept with three different girls in the same night. The first one was... What hotel do you work at? jesus christ it was on my 21st birthday my girl best friend took me to a strip club and the dancer was uh really really interested in me and then she was like oh i want to give you a dance for free then we went to the back and you know hooked up and then after i guess my best friend she was said she said it got her really hot and so we hooked up in her car and then when

i got home that night my girlfriend that i was with at the time oh my god yeah just sitting home waiting for you it was yeah and it was my birthday so she wanted to give me the birthday sex and and that's how we ended it it was uh a triple wait wait so the the stripper gave you a free lap dance and had sex with you back in that little room with the curtain yes will you pay for that is that uh is there any money being exchanged there she kept saying oh you're so hot and she really liked me and she was like i'm gonna give you a dance for free And then we went back there And that's it yeah

And then she didn't ask you for money after No Who does this happen to I feel like they all say you're different You're cute I like you Usually that's where they slip in By the way there's the ATM right there

You're very cute there's the ATM Yeah or like the big giant muscle man comes in And he's like hey hey you gotta step away Unless you pay up Yeah but Devin you can hear Devin's voice He's got some sort of confidence and swagger Do you want to sleep with him too? I think I do

Me too, get back over here you Get to the K-Rock studios now Claudia, welcome to the Holimpics What happened to you? Hey sweet dibs Sweet dibs Well, where do I even start? Former phone sex operator

Oh, wow What a lost art form I have truly lost The number of The body count I I tried to write it all in a notebook one time, and I just don't know. You know, you bring me out, too. Yeah.

How many do you think that number was at before you ran out of pages in the notebook? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I mean. Hundreds? For sure, over a hundred. Yeah, for sure. And do you count the phone sex people, or that's just a totally separate?

No, no, I don't count them. I don't, yeah. Yeah. I can hear it in your voice. I mean, she does have a great phone sex operator voice. Just the whole, like, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's incredible. I'd like this call to continue.

Let me get my ATM out. Hold on. You're different. You're cute. I'll do it for free. And do you think that of all of these people, I mean, this men, women, the whole thing? Yeah, men and women, trans, all of it. We love it all.

She loves it all. I love that. This could be the winner of our Olympics. We don't even know. How did you get into phone sex operation? Did someone just recommend and said, hey, you'd be great for this? And what was that like? I've always been a perv.

I used to watch Cam Girls. And I remember being in the chat room and they were like, wait, you're a girl? Because most of them are dudes in the chat room. Oh, my God, a girl. That's true. Oh, my God. Right. So, yeah.

So then I kind of just like started from there. And then the girls were like, hey, you should do this. Like, this is really hot. And, oh, my gosh, it is so hot. Wow. Well, there you have it, Allie. These Olympics are, really, it's competition is stiff. Wow.

So it's weird because we talked to Devin, who had sex with the actual stripper for free, and now we talked to somebody who did phone sex but probably would have sex with all kinds of people for free. They just love it. Did you ever meet up with someone that you had met originally doing, like, the camming stuff or the phone sex stuff and then say, let's meet in person? Allegedly, yes. and I allegedly filmed it and I allegedly legally did post it and make money off of it.

I don't know if you said the word allegedly a bunch of times. It makes everything okay. I don't know, but it's hot. The way she says allegedly. I am in on that. All right, Robert, good morning. Welcome to these whole Olympic Games. I'm K-Rock.

Hi. Hey, good morning. Good morning. What happened? So this was ninth grade. My mom, she has a family in Mexico. She would take off every now and then for a couple days. And me and my brother, my cousin wanted to go out with her boyfriend,

Are you being abducted by aliens right now? No, he's being taken away. Let me put my... Oh, there it goes. So, I ended up... She ended up bringing three of her friends over, and we had a jacuzzi orgy at my house. It was me and my brother.

What? And, yeah, so it was ninth grade. My brother thought he was cool. He gave them white shirts so we could, you know, see their... I know. Sounds like a ninth grader thing to do. That's okay. You wear these white shirts.

Why don't we get the little white shirts so we can see their boobs? All right. So we've got a little- I love that plan. It's great. This is smart right there. We've got to get the white shirts. Where's the white shirts, dude?

That was your job. You're cute. Those brown shirts. Stupid. But who would have an orgy with their sibling? That's a good question. It's the whole Olympics, Allie. We're celebrating all sorts of hoeing right there.

Robert, hold on one second. Thank you for sharing that story. But listen, Allie, we've got a lot to talk about here. A lot more stories. Some crazy ones on the text line, too. I know that we can't even clean up enough for the radio. There's a celebrity involved in this one. I saw.

So the Holympics, we'll go ahead and figure out who stands tall on top of the podium. It's just like the Olympics, except we give you two medals and they hang around your chin. It's the Holympics on KROQ, and we've got to go ahead and announce the winner. This is going to be difficult because of all the stories we've heard and the many we can't even get to and the many, many that we could never possibly put on the airwaves of KROQ for a variety of reasons. Congratulations to everyone for participating. Just even being in the Holympics is something you should be proud of.

Oh, absolutely. 562 said, for the Holympics, I slept with one new woman Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for three weekends in a row. Good streak. I mean, that's a lot of new people. It's all about applying yourself. Yeah, absolutely. 805 claims that they

Had a five way In Dave Navarro's kitchen While he was on vacation Which is a pretty great claim I hope that that's true Another person said that They went to Hawaii on vacation And bet their friend that they

Did like a sleep off to see who could Sleep with somebody the soonest And I beat my friend by 12 hours That's very important Hey Bobby on KROQ go ahead We gotta go ahead and announce this winner in a moment What do you got for us? Yeah, definitely we've got to give it to the hotel lady.

The hotel. There's a lot of votes coming through right now. I mean, the hospitality. The hospitality at that hotel. Man. Really going above and beyond. Better than a mint. A couple of discussions, and obviously good prize up for grabs.

But more importantly, it's the bragging rights and the medal of these Olympic Games. And we'll have to wait two years to do this again, Allie, so get your stories ready or participate in some stuff so you're ready. Claudia, of all of the people we talked to, allegedly you are the one that we have decided is the winner of these olympic games oh my gosh say it again oh my gosh and one more time oh my gosh that's why she's the winner of these olympic games ali i mean come on let's be on just the celebration alone

so she stands erect on the podium congratulations jumping up and down you can imagine it uh you are the winner a lot of people asking uh for your socials and whatnot but we don't do that sort of thing we don't objectify our listeners here we only objectify each other on the show oh yeah so you can share that separately i am very turned on right now but i'm gonna stare at ali so that all washes away from me there you go and now i'm back to being normal again claudia hang tight and thank you for participating and winning these ho olympics any advice you have for anyone else that would like to participate in two years from now when the olympics actually make it to la everyone get tested so we can be safe hoes that's a beautiful message right there

That's right, daddy. Don't they say that? Daddy. Once again, I was all... I could be a phone sex operator. I was all turned... I was even turned on by her Get Tested message. And Allie has ruined it for me yet again.

Meow, meow, meow. Meow. Meow. Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you give Allie one tip, Claudia, as to how to not be so unsexy? Honestly, Allie's pretty sexy. Thank you.

That's how you can tell she got paid the good money. She will have sex with anybody. That's how she got paid the good money. She got paid the good money for that. K-Rock, Klein Alley Show. You can listen to the show on K-Rock, watch us on YouTube. There's something very funny happening outside of the K-Rock studios right now that it's been making me-

I wish we could turn a camera to this. Oh, we really should get a camera on. It's been making me smile the entire morning. Alley brought in a big bowl of grapefruits from some tree she has, and no one wants- I didn't ask for this tree. It was there when we got there, you know? Yeah, but the best part is, is that you thought that you were going to be the hero of the office by putting out this giant bowl of fruit, and I have watched-

I didn't think I was going to be a hero, but I feel like everyone loves free food around here. I have watched no less than 30 people throughout the show today walk by, look at the bowl, look kind of disappointed, and move on without taking them. And meanwhile, other people have put out better options. Like someone put out a box of donuts. Which is cruel. There's donuts? Vanessa is one of my only takers.

She took two grapefruits. I think she put them back because this bowl looks like it's more full now than it was even before. We're going to go ahead and move a camera over so you can watch the sad table of depression. Allie was so excited. I had a nice display going, too. Listen, everyone knows the feeling of you've got extra whatever it is at home. You know you're not going to eat through it or you don't want to,

so you bring it in and you become kind of like the workplace hero. Who brought these great grapefruits? These are sitting there untouched. And the best part is everyone stops by to look at them. You talking about Allie or the grapefruits? Both. Okay. People are walking by.

They're taking a moment. It's not like they don't see it. They look at it and they go, they kind of just look up like, that's it. And then they just move on. And Allie, every time. I've seen everyone peruse the grapefruits and then continue on to the fridge to steal somebody else's food in the refrigerator. Allie's been so excited that every time someone stops to look at it.

Oh, here's another one. Come on. Come on. She's walking right by. She's got an empty bowl. Oh, she's looking. Hold on. It's been the entire morning of this, which is so funny because every time someone walks

by, Allie goes, I think we have a taker. I think we have a taker. Come on. Grapefruits, good for you. Having a nice grapefruit in the morning? Where's the last one you ate one? That's why I brought them, Jake. It's because I don't really care for grapefruits.

No one does. No one wants them. They are... I do nothing to this tree, too. Like, if it would die, that would be fine with me. They're basically saying stay away because you... Yeah, she's got it. Yeah, but Johnny's...

She's going to throw it in the trash. Johnny's rigging the system. He doesn't... As per usual, Johnny doesn't understand what we're doing here, and he's trying to stop people and tell them to go take a grapefruit, which is exactly the opposite of what we're trying to do. We're just trying to observe the situation in the wild. I don't want to force people.

She genuinely wanted to take a grapefruit, and she's actually slicing it open right now. She's walked by six times and didn't take grapefruit. There's no way she wanted one until you went and you tried to peer pressure her into it. I saw the whole thing happen, Johnny. You pointed to Allie. She wants the grapefruit. That's Allie's sad bowl of fruit. Take one.

Allie's upset. No one wants it. She's taking two more. Oh, yes. Yeah, but she doesn't want them. Now she's taking them out of pity. Right, of course. It's okay.

You don't have to pity me. Watch. We're going to see these all outside. People are going to throw them at Allie's car when she drives off later. When you slice them open, you have to coat them in salt and sugar for them to even taste bearable. Right. And that's the problem with this fruit, in that it's very large and cumbersome as well. But why did you, out of curiosity, did you really think this was going to be a hit in the office?

No, I just don't want them to go into the garbage. And by the way- This is the only other option for me. It's funny because everything that gets put on that table, it gets taken within 15 seconds. We had a bunch of leftover bagels yesterday from Yeasty Boys. Oh my God, that plate was decimated. It was ravaged within under a minute. I mean, it's like people-

Even the sliced tomatoes, it was like ravaged. People that haven't worked here in years all of a sudden come back. All of a sudden, you see beer mugs standing at the table. Where'd you come from? I don't know how he got in there. He pops out of a manhole. People just, nothing survives that table. That table is like, people will eat anything, but you found the one thing that no one wants.

It's kind of remarkable. I wonder if you hit the streets and you gave them out to homeless people if they take them. They'd probably just throw them at me. I bet you they do not. Alia, you should do it. I mean, it's a nice thing for you to try to do. You know what's interesting? It's funny you say that because there's one organization that I reached out to.

Because I got beat up today trying to do that. And it is an organization that will come to your house, trim your fruit trees, take the fruit, and then donate it to people who need it. Oh, great. Which is a great idea, right? But I don't think that they care about the grapefruit. I've reached out to them about this grapefruit tree, and they will not get back to me. Yeah, because no one wants it. Homeless people would rather starve.

If you imagine a person who just wants a nice hot meal, handing them a grapefruit, I feel like I would be so pissed off. Yeah, it's not hot. There's nothing you can do with it. I mean, there's nothing. Besides throw it at somebody. It's great for throwing. It is a good, and it is good in a drink. If you're going to make it a nice mixer for a drink, I agree.

I've made some good stuff there, but not really as a regular food. You don't want a lot of it. You buy a bag of oranges. You don't buy a bag of grapefruit. So place your bets right now. I don't know how many are in that bowl. Oh, I've got more. I know you do.

Allie's got a bag in the studio with even more leftovers in case it was so popular that You need to restock, but she hasn't had to restock yet. I'm going to have to restock all week. I'm going to, oh boy, there she goes. Wow, there's so many. There's just so many of them. There's so many more on my tree, guys. No one wants them.

There's so many more. They smell nice. Here's the thing. I bet you, without Johnny out there trying to tell people to take them, they'll be. Thank you, Johnny. I will take the over, I'll put the over under it one more over the next two hours. It gets even taken, but I bet you. Oh, I thought you were going to go two days.

Yeah, these are going to rot right here. I'm telling you right now. They've become Jay's problem. Hey, Maria on KROQ. Good morning. Hi. Oh, here we go. Another person looking.

Hi, good morning, guys. Another person looking. Hold on. Hold on. She's looking. Nope. She's walked right by. She already looked and didn't get one.

Nope. That's another no. Hey, what's up, Maria? Hi. Hey, so just wanted to let you know, Allie, good news. There's an influencer named Novo Nick that posted recently that you can take the fruit you have from your yard that you don't want and sell it to people online. I can't even give them away.

You think someone's actually going to pay money for this? Right now, the offer is free, and no one wants it. But if you post it on this site, somebody might want it, and then you can make a little money. That's a big might right there. I mean, even the transaction of having to meet the person with the grapefruits, it's just a whole... You got to do it. Justine on KROQ. Good morning.

Hi. Hi. Good morning. Hi. Allie, I'd eat the grapefruit. I love grapefruit. Great. Everyone who loves grapefruit sounds like this.

I love grapefruit, for one. I'm not sure if this is factually accurate, but I assume it is. I think we have more liquor stores per capita than anywhere else in the entire world here in Southern California. It feels like there's liquor stores everywhere. In some blocks, you've got one on every corner of the block, and they all seem to be thriving. Yeah, but then there's also times where you're driving and you're like, I need to stop at a liquor store. And then you're like, what the hell? I'm expecting to see one on every block.

Why in this one area is there no liquor store? It seems like we have more liquor stores than people in Southern California. And the theory is always that if you meet anyone in a liquor store, they probably have a good story, which is why we sent Jake. You know, Jake goes to the liquor stores. He's a regular at his liquor store. They call him the Francis. Francis Conner. They call him the Francis Conner guy at his liquor store.

I think that's his nickname to his face. Right. But behind his back, they're like, oh, the smelly a-holes here. But, yeah. Not an a-hole. No, that's right. The smelly guy with the dog is here. The friendly, smelly guy.

So Jake spent a lot of time in different liquor stores, and we decided that everyone's got a story. And if you're at a liquor store, you probably have an even better story. So we have a brand-new segment we're going to debut now called Liquor Stories, where Jake just goes up to people at liquor stores and says, what's the best story you have? And Postmaster Johnny was so enthralled by this idea that he said, I want to create the theme song, Move Over Omar. The guy who hates liquor. Yeah, I don't like to drink, but I love stories. So, this is a worldwide debut of a brand new theme song for a brand new segment called Liquor Stories.

Jake the Nerd's got liquor stories. Yeah, he's got all the liquor stories. Now, Johnny claims that this took him two hours. Was it the lyrics that took a long time, Johnny? No, I was just really indecisive on what goofy song I could do for Jake. And then I thought, this song fits Jake's vibe perfectly. But this took you two hours, and you rhymed the word stories with stories. Yeah.

Just like he rhymed tamales with tamales. Jake the Nerd's got liquor stories. What rhymes with stories? What rhymes with stories? Yeah, he's got all the liquor stories. It doesn't even really. I'm out. I'm out of lyrics.

I got nothing It doesn't mean much Just liquor That was a two hour Two hours of Johnny Johnny you gotta be kidding You're exaggerating How long that took

That took you two hours? Yeah I was exaggerating But I threw in a little Squaw for Jake though too So by two hours Do you think it was like 20 minutes? Yeah how much are you exaggerating?

Because two hours to me Means like it took somewhere Over an hour and a half If you're gonna say two hours But are you rounding up From what five minutes? No yeah it definitely It definitely took like

Around an hour And like 15 minutes Jesus Christ I had to choose the right song. I had to get the vibe right. Okay, but how much of that was also just spent socializing with people in the hallway? I had to call in about, like, three people to get their opinion on it. Right.

Be like, hey, give this a listen. What do you think? What do you think? Hey, do you have any words that rhyme with stories? Because I'm tapped out. No? Okay. Fine, I'm just going to end it then.

I'm just going to do stories. I mean, it's like... Jake, the nerd's got liquor stories. Maybe, like, I hope they're good and they're not boreys. I mean, there's so many things you can do. I mean... Yeah, he's got all the liquor stories. It's really just the same sentence again.

I really didn't know what the segment was either, so I was just running off a title. I was like, ah, liquor stories. Liquor stories. Also, bories. Well, look, I'm saying at least it's better than, at least there's an effort there. Yeah, it is. Here's Jake's first liquor story, guys. And Jake was, of course, at a liquor store where he just approached random people.

Here we go. Hi, what's your name? My name's EJ. How you doing? What's the most interesting story you can tell me about your life? I'm bipolar, and I'm also a 27-year veteran of Kung Fu. Whoa! See?

That's the point. You go out to anyone. He does have all the liquor stories. He does have all the liquor stories. A 27-year-old, a 27-year veteran of Kung Fu. I was waiting for the guy to say, like, military service. Totally. Kind of have a reputation with the Burbank police officers.

They actually call me Mr. Sordis. Got a nickname and everything. This guy's great. Mr. Sordis? Mr. Stories. He's got the story. That rhymes. And one time when I was drunk and manic out of my mind, I barricaded myself in my daughter's room at my mom's house.

There was police officers outside with a tactical team. They had the beanbag gun. They had the phasers ready to go. They had lasers going through the window to let me know that if I jumped out there with the iron pipe, they were going to put me down. What eventually happened with that standoff was I knew I was going to go to county. And I went out and gave myself up in the living room. And they took me away. I mean, what a story.

Just a stranger. just in line? Is this the guy that you're behind in line? They don't know. Guy's just buying something at the liquor store.

Buying a couple of 40s. Buying some of that generic Viagra behind the register and then boom, you get a whole story. This guy was in a police standoff.

And I was on the news. I was on Channel 7 News that day. It was a 45 minute standoff. It was absolutely nuts. Man, you sound so proud of it. I know. 45 minutes is not very long.

It's on TV. Recognize me from Channel 7? It was absolutely nuts. And what happened with that? What was the outcome? I had a good public defender, so what she did with that is she put me into a couple programs at the court, mandates and stuff like that. Hey, this is not boring. I'll tell you, Allie, right? Nothing boring about this. I'm sure those programs didn't entail going back to the liquor store.

Well, that's where it's interesting, because Jake did run into this guy buying something at the liquor store. So what she did with that is she put me into a couple programs at the court, mandates and stuff like that, and I just finished probation this past week. Celebratory trip to the liquor store, right? Let's get faded! Now I can get my record expunged. So at the end of the day, it was tragic what happened, but now it's all behind me now. What'd you buy today at the liquor store?

Oh, no. It's all behind me now. My daughter is still extremely dramatized. What do you think he's buying at the liquor store? Okay, so Guy did a stand-up with the police in Burbank. 27-year kung fu veteran. Kung fu veteran. He holed himself up in his daughter's room,

stand-off for 45 minutes. I'm going to say he's a buzzball guy. Buzzballs. I hope for the sake of his own sanity and everything else, he's just getting like sunflower seeds and lottery tickets or something. But let's find out. Kept it simple. I bought a pack of smokes and a Red Bull.

They go great together in case you haven't tried it. Okay. Wow. That's a good recipe. I mean, he's not wrong. Cigarettes and Red Bull. And, you know, that's what I do when I'm going the sober route. Now, if I was drinking, I'd be there three, four times a day

buying two tall boys throughout the entire day and literally drinking close to 300 ounces of beer a day, man. Wow. No exaggeration. Well, there you have it. That was... Jake the Nerd's Got Liquor Stories. That was our first Liquor Stories.

He was an alcoholic. And he's got all the liquor stories. And this guy is a criminal wrecker. So... Let it ride. Let it ride. Let it ride, because I have no more box. There you have it.

the first and potentially last ever Liquor Stories on KROQ. Garrett, yes, you're on KROQ. Good morning. Hi. Hey, good morning. Ali just fixed Johnny's song and nobody realized it. Instead of saying stories, he's buying a couple of 40s. There's your rhyme right there.

There's a bunch of options that people are sending in on the text line as well that could have made that a better song. I like the squaw. The rest of it is bories. The rest of it was very bories. I could not be more excited to bring this next guest onto the show all of us are universally huge fans of this man who is a national treasure oh yeah except for one person on the show that has been holding a grudge

for over a decade and it's time to squash that hey omar yeah please say hi to the great howie mandel oh howie mandel is on there huh hey what's that yeah hi howie you have a you have a hi omar has a grudge yeah but listen to this this is one of those one-sided grudges because i have seen you before many times and you always seem like you're such a like likable nice person i've seen you do nice things to people i've seen you do nice things for people we're going to talk about how everyone can hang out with howie or at least a hologram version of howie well you just saw him yesterday or a couple days ago being a dick to kelly rippa on national tv oh they were playing games howie that was fun right i don't understand well i i don't think i didn't know

that every anybody or even her would be offended i it just i think it's a slow news day yeah i know it does feel like that sometimes because i i agree with what how he says is someone who's been received the backhanded compliments of you look good for a radio guy it's like so people say yeah well i wasn't insulted but it is a true thing like i said i turned 70 like like at any other age like if you're 40 or you're 30 or you whatever they go if you go i turned 30 yesterday you would go you go happy birthday buddy you know and but when you say you turn 70 they go oh you look good for your age oh but what do you want me to say oh you look terrible you look like a penis with a goatee i watch oh i'm gonna hold a grudge in a minute

Anyway, the point is that You're funny, Omar I like you Omar, your grudge is Are you upset that you thought that Kelly Ripa was upset? No, no, no, I'm not upset at that What you did on, I actually don't

I'm not a particular fan of that show either No, my grudge is actually from Oh man, 15 years plus No, listen, hold on, hold on, let me calm things down Because we didn't even set this up And I don't want Howie to feel like he's being blindsided by this You set it up. Omar hates you. No, no, no. I don't hate you, but something...

Yes, you do. Yes, you do. You hate me. And you know what? There's three people here, and two out of three people think I'm okay. That's a good... Those are good odds. Those are good odds. No, for sure. There's seven people here, and most of us love you. But fill them in, Klein. Fill them in on the backstory.

Four out of six. Four out of six people are okay with me. And Omar and some other... Well, Klein, we'll fill you in. I was a huge fan until this one incident happened. You know what's funny is that the reason Omar's mad is something that Howie doesn't even know he did, and it happened so many years ago. It's just crazy. No, because he probably does it all the time.

No, he doesn't. In fact— Yeah, he has the big time, everybody. Why don't we tell him what happened? Yeah, tell him what happened. Tell Howie. He's in the dark right now. No, don't tell me what it is.

It's going to ruin the suspense, guys. It's going to ruin the suspense. Here's what I want to say for real. I love knowing— Okay, go ahead. Howie Mandel, who— By the way, Klein and Ali, I don't appreciate you springing this on me just all last minute, by the way. Well, this was—

Well, look what you did to Omar. He's going to hold a grudge for years now. Now he's getting mad at us. See, that's funny. We just got added to the list. No, years ago, years and years ago, Omar was – Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Wait, wait, wait a second. I just walked by a mirror. I look good for 70. You do. This is amazing. By the way, you can see Howie, and this is the coolest part about the hologram technology that has been happening, that Howie is going to be outside of – well, you can be anywhere, I guess, in the world right now with the hologram technology.

But the reason how he's calling today specifically is because Skechers is debuting this Howie Mandel hologram today outside their flagship store, Manhattan Beach, where if you think you're talking to real Howie Mandel or seeing him, you're not. You're seeing a hologram version of him. But the bad news is, Howie, aren't you concerned that they can now make you do anything as a hologram? no well first of all uh i'm not concerned i'm not concerned but i love being a hologram i love being able to be places without actually being places as a germaphobe i love like what's the worst thing could happen my hologram could offend omar right what could already happened in real life so what does it matter i was actually thinking i'm gonna be there live i'm gonna be there live my hologram i'm beaming in and you could talk to me live at sketchers in manhattan beach but the other thing is it's a it's a new technology it's proto hologram where if you take

a selfie with me and my hologram and take it up to the cashier you get a huge discount on shoes but you can't get the discount unless you have the the selfie with me but once once they have this technology of you and they now have your likeness and they can beam you all over the place Right. Can't can't they make you say whatever they want to make you say now? Like, aren't you concerned that he's controlling it? Well, he's controlling it today. Sure. But but once the robots take over, don't you feel like you've lost all control? And then and then when someone goes, now I've got a grudge against how you go, that wasn't me. You know what? You're talking like a 70 year old. I'm I'm not concerned.

I you know what? This is anything that is fantastic is scary. You know, when they invented fire, everybody was worried that they were going to burn the world down. Fire gives us so much energy, gives us everything. Yes, bad things can happen with good technology. But the truth is, if you're with a good company and they put the right guardrails up and they license it and everything is done on the up and up, you can't even get me to say a four-letter word, you know, but you could talk to me. But the truth is that at Skechers today, I'm going to be live on the hologram. So I'm beaming from someplace else and I could see every one of you and I could talk to every one of you and I could interact with every one of you.

And I can't. The only thing I can't do is smell you, which is the beauty. Yeah, that's beautiful. You know, I think about holograms. I think about. He still hasn't told me what I did. We'll get to that. I'm going to tell you, and you'll be so shocked when you hear how mad he is about something that you have no idea you did.

It's the best thing ever. But first, we wanted to ask your permission now, because when I think of holograms, I think about, you know, Michael Jackson in hologram, in concert, you know. And do we have your permission to book you or interview you as a hologram after your death? Yes. Yeah, the fact that I could pass away but still tour is amazing. I still would love to be on the road and dead. Yeah, I mean, even now. Half of that I'd love.

Even now alive. I mean, wouldn't you love to not have to go into America's Got Talent, just put your hologram in the seat? You could sit at home and watch the acts. I would love, like, see, it would be cool. Right now I'm phoning in, but wouldn't it be cool if my hologram was right there in the room and you were looking at me and talking to me?

Wouldn't that be better? Oh, no, it's the hologram glitch. I love it. The hologram glitch. Sounds great. He's never sounded better. Howie, here's what happened years ago, over 10 years ago, if you're ready for the reason why Omar's held a grudge.

Over 15 years ago. And I think Howie's going to apologize, but I think he's going to say he had no idea this even happened. Omar claims that he was waiting for a table at Disneyland at the Blue Bayou Restaurant, and right before he was about to get sat, a tour guide or someone brought you in and gave you the table that he thought he was going to get. I was going to get.

Isn't this amazing? And they're all like, hold on, hold on, Howie Mendel's here. And we're literally walking to the table. Great table. One of those that you want that's right by the water. Do remember it. Do remember it. And you did that on purpose?

I said, I wasn't even hungry, and I said, oh, my God, look at that. That guy from K-Rock is standing there waiting for a table with his family. Watch this. Watch this. And I got an employee, just, let's take his table. Let's take his table and make him wait. Do you remember spitting on me? I'm not doing it.

And what I do, from time to time, what I like to do is just test my celebrity. Let's see what I can do. It worked that day. Yeah, for sure. And I want to thank, I've been wanting to thank you for years because you were so good to my ego, Omar. You made me feel like I still have it. Look, I took away a table from a family.

That's how celebratory my celebrity is. Oh, well, you looked great then and you look great now. Well, Howie, I accept your apology. You thought I was going to say sorry. You're welcome. You're the best. Guys, go support. Listen, we all love Howie Mandel.

And I think, Omar, have you come around now? You have to have come around a little bit. No. Oh, come on. Stop it. Go open a suitcase somewhere else, dude. Oh, relax. Jesus Christ.

Howie Mandel, I hope this does not sour your relationship with K-Rock, because we do love you very, very much. I love you. I love Omar. I'm going to take Omar out for lunch one day. Wow. Please do that, Omar. At the Blue Bayou.

Oh, my God. That would be amazing. We can always plan a show, but it's the unexpected that always seem to make this thing what it is on K-Rock. And this morning, while driving in, I was shooting the video to respond to Allie's 1-1-1 method. Very dangerous, by the way. You're driving so fast recording that video, dude. Dude, don't worry about what I did.

Why is it so light outside when you're doing it? Other than the fact that I'm a hero. And late. Let's just focus that I'm a hero. I knew you guys would S on this. You know what? I'm not even going to forget it. Let's just go to the break.

No. Come on, man. You're so proud of yourself. I have a little period tantrum. Just get into it. I saved the dog's life this morning. the dog is now in the k-rock studios are you next to me how sure are you that you saved this dog's life i don't know ali almost got clipped by three cars on sixth street this morning and then it was

running around literally in the middle of the street and i decided to stop traffic in both directions and get the dog to come into even though the thing almost bit me a couple times how much do you think the dog was more afraid of you than it was to the cops and the cars that almost equally afraid but this thing was i mean i literally as i'm driving i'm like i'm about to watch a car a dog get run over which is a terrible thing i've seen it before it's a you never want to see it and uh and everyone's already saying on the text line keep the dog away from vanessa but i think this is going to be one of those beautiful moments where maybe if we can't find the owner of this dog maybe this is one of those poetic weird moments that vanessa keep the walls away from the

puppy that vanessa gets to leave with a dog i was driving and i'm going to play this moment when it happened because I'm shooting this video, Allie. This is the, you know, we're trying to come up with our own viral relationship hacks. And I'm in the middle of recording my video. And then all of a sudden I see this dog darting across traffic. And then I go, all right, well, it's hopefully going to run into a yard and stay there. And then it comes right back into traffic. And then I just watch these cars clip. You'll hear it happen in real time. And now the dog is in the KROQ studios. We've got pictures of it up on our socials at Klein Alley Show, if you can help track down the maybe owner, because I don't think there's tags on it. A better relationship is as easy as one,

two three with the one two three three two one method and the best part is you can start applying it to your relationship as soon as today this is scientifically proven to make you thrive instead of just surviving your relationship you're just completely lying don't worry about my method we'll get to that later scientifically proven by nobody whatever people just like to hear those buzzwords anyway i'm in the middle i'm at the point where i'm about to tell you about the method and then i see the dogs to make you thrive instead of just surviving your relationship and it doesn't matter if you've been dating for a few months or maybe you've been married for a decade this will absolutely give you a better really oh jesus christ a dog a dog uh hold on i gotta save a dog

hold on yeah yeah yeah gotta be a hero again just gotta do it hold on now pretty telling to hold on by the way hold on hold on your phone listen first of all what's happening now is there are cars not live streaming this thing there are cars whipping by in both directions so i am trying to do the thing where i am visually uh signaling the you know those stupid hand signals you have to learn where you get a driver's license would you stop up down what are the things that bikers use nobody knows what those are is that guy making a right turn i don't remember the hand signals or is he break dancing I just remembered that at some point I need to notify all the other cars in a visual way to stop in both directions.

So I do this move, Allie, where I basically take my car and go perpendicular, blocking traffic in both directions. You basically did the equivalent of a traffic stop. A traffic stop. Yeah, I do a traffic stop. Wow, that's an aggressive response. And I thought that the general public would say, wow, look at this man saving a dog's life. No, they would all say, why is this idiot stopping traffic? Yeah. Every person was not happy with me because everyone's got to be somewhere at six in the morning.

So they got everyone's got to go somewhere. So they don't they don't they don't care. Most people wouldn't do what I did. Well, you know what? I will say the only time that I tried to save a dog, the owner was not appreciative. The owner lost their dog all the time because they were a bad dog owner. And I had wasted so much of my time returning this dog to this person. And they are just going to let their dog get out again because they suck. And then I kind of felt like Why did I waste all my time doing this

And it was me and a couple people Trying to chase this dog around for a while Another example was Vanessa trying to save a dog Where they were tag teaming With another stranger trying to find the dog No one ever knows what happened to the dog And you feel like why did I waste hours of my life Trying to track down this dog

When I don't know where the owner is Or how good of an owner they are anyway You don't know that but what if it was your dog Wouldn't you want someone to do the same thing If your dog was running around My dog wouldn't be out running around because I would close a gate and make sure my dog can't get out of my house all the time. And I thought the same thing.

I had Chloe for 18 years, that dog. And by the end, when she was all senile and weird, she kind of got out of an open gate that a UPS guy left open and we tracked her. And luckily, someone grabbed her on the side of the road and we got her back. Yeah, but at least she's slow. She was very slow. This one has got some fight in her. I think she's a puppy.

I don't even know. Yeah, when I came into the garage, she was barking at you. Yeah, she hates you. Well, first of all, she doesn't hate me. I had to lure her into my car using a taco bowl, my taco bowl that I was going to have later today, my man kibble, and I brought her into the car, and then I used some of that to get her in, and then when I got to work, I assumed, oh, she'll just follow me. Oh, Jake will take care of it.

No, I didn't think that, Jake. I assumed, oh, she'll just follow me. Thank you. Jake's not a hero. Jake, that's really nice of you, man. I put the leash on her, and she had to be distracted by clients, so I put a leash on her, and as soon as I did that, the client was like, oh, thanks, Jake, and then he ran away.

She looks real happy now. We had to come in and do the show, Jake. Now that she's away from you, her captor. This was the dog here. Yeah, okay, at the end. The dog was... Dude, she just wants to be left alone. Hasn't barked at me once.

This was after I pulled the thing out of traffic. In both directions. The thing almost got clipped. This is after the abduction? This is not an abduction. This is a hero moment of a hero. Does it have a collar? Any information on it?

Okay, so it had a... I saw it had one of those harnesses on it, So I assumed, oh, it's got some hardware. It must have a number to call. It must have a person that belongs to this dog. It's the first thing you should do. And Jake, I haven't looked. Jake, did you look at the dog?

You can't look because it's too busy barking at you, trying to bite you. I didn't see a harness, but I don't see a collar. Is there a number to call? I didn't see any tag on it, just a harness. This is the moment of a hero being a hero, in case you missed it. And it doesn't matter if you've been dating for a few months or maybe you've been married for a decade. This will absolutely give you A better

Oh Jesus Christ A dog Hold on I gotta save a dog Hold on Hold on Hold on I kidnapped a dog Thank god something made this video interesting Hold on

I was about to tune out You're so mad that my viral Relationship hack is going to go better than yours Let me tell you it's great Because of the rescue of the dog And as a lot of people are pointing out, they're watching the video that has gone up on Klein Alley Show Instagram. Most of the video is now shot with my phone in my lap, so it's just a giant shot straight up at my huge nostrils. So a lot of people say you should have just let the dog live in your nostrils until you found the owner.

Well, taking the dog out of its environment makes things a lot more complicated, because now you have a dog and you are in another location with the dog, so if the owner is looking for the dog right now, they're not going to find the dog. So you think I should have let the dog run around on 6th Street? I think that in those situations, it's like maybe knock on a neighbor's door or have it still be in its own neighborhood rather than taking it out of its neighborhood completely. We're less than a tenth of a mile away of where I found the dog. It was on 6th Street by Cloverdale. I mean, we're not far from there.

We're mid-Wilshire. The dog was found pretty much mid-Wilshire. Right, I know. But the chances of it being reunited, I mean, now maybe the owner's up now and doesn't know where the dog is and is going to be spending the next four hours looking for it. Send somebody down there to walk the dog around Yeah, the dog needs to be in its neighborhood 909 Klein was a bigger hero when he saved the dog statue

Than when he saved this actual dog I agree We gotta take a break The dog is in the studio Between you and Vanessa, I don't know how any dog's alive anymore I can't believe I felt that Klein and I really truly love dogs Let me just

You both had failed rescues I want to say something When I got the dog to K-Rock this morning After rescuing it from the street and taunting it right off on me. Before that happened, Vanessa was the first person I called because I said, I need you to come out to the parking lot and help me with this dog.

When the dog saw Vanessa, I swear to you, because the dog was kind of being cool with me, growling a little bit, but being cool. When Vanessa came over to the dog, she goes, come here, dog. The thing darted and tried to jump off the second floor balcony. It's like their El Mencho. Hey, doggie, come here.

Yeah, that thing. I never saw a dog take off faster. And I go, thanks, Vanessa. And I had to rescue the thing twice today.