Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - FULL SHOW 7-9!!!

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

In today's show we have an intervention for Klein's phone skills, we remember TIP BOLI, hip you to some scams and reveal a terrible unaired commercial

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. I've been really struggling because my appetite is beginning to change the more pregnant I get. And I usually am pretty healthy in the morning, as you've seen me eat my breakfast.

Usually it's a combination of egg whites mixed with veggies, and then I've got a banana, some carrots, things like that. Whatever it is you're snacking on stinks, usually. That's how we can tell that you're grazing. It's some sort of smell wafting through the studio and or the back office. Sometimes I do want to nosh on a nice raw or gently cooked slice of broccoli. And for those of you that are new to the show, the last time Allie was pregnant, which was a few years now, she had a milking room here at K-Rock. So I could milk cows and make cheese. And after that milking room was no longer being used for her to lactate, it was a lactation cube or something, she turned it into her own egg room because her smelly eggs were ruining everyone's day. So she went in there.

That was my hard-boiled egg phase. Yeah, it was a terrible phase. Had a lot of different phases with eggs. I like it how Taylor Swift has these phases that are like her sexy- Yeah, her eras. This was Allie's egg eras. It was the worst era. Her running over easy era.

So people would go into that room, her pumping room, and that became her egg room. So she's got a long history of eating terribly smelly things. But I did successfully, I mean, I gained a lot of weight the first time I was pregnant. I gained 55 pounds, I believe. And then I lost it all. Took two years plus to lose it all again and kind of get my body back. I'm in a really good place. and I've already noticed over the past couple of weeks

that the scale's starting to creep up a little bit. That's a good sign. Yeah, it is to a degree. Sounds going to be funny again. How much weight on average are you supposed to gain during pregnancy? They don't really have a number necessarily. I think most people gain about 20 to 30 pounds. And you gained 55?

Yes, correct. Cool. And her son... You gave no Fs, did you? What was he, 8 pounds at birth or something? He was 8.7, I believe. So let's do some basic math here. Hold on.

So carry the one, 8 pounds. So Allie, so that takes care of 8 of it. And then the other 40-something was you, all you. No, no, no. So after I gave birth, I had still gained 55 pounds. Oh, after he was 8. So throw 8 on top of that. I did not know that at all.

Oh, yeah. Omar, look at the pictures. That is crazy. Some of it was bloating. There's photographic evidence of it. It was crazy. Some of the pictures I see from when he was first born, I was like, ah, God. I thought that was another person, but it was just my shoulder.

They gave her a room for two, and I said, oh, you had to deliver with another person. She goes, just for me. A room for two for just for me. It was incredible. So I decided I don't want that to happen again. But I'm already noticing, like this morning, I went to go make what I normally make for breakfast, and I was so disgusted by it. I was like, I don't want eggs. I don't want egg whites.

All I want is carbs and cheese. I just want a grilled cheese sandwich I just want cheese and crackers I want all things carb and cheese Because that's what's delicious And that's what feels good to eat But I'm trying to resist Because I know that that's my brain telling me

Eat this you dummy And my real Allie has to say Whoa whoa eat the banana instead No that's not the real Allie The real Allie's fat Allie The real Allie growing up Had three bowls of cereal in the morning I'm going to tell you the first time I went out

The first time I met Allie It was over a decade ago So I took her out. I said, let's get coffee. I thought we were getting regular cups of coffee, just a coffee place. They had an option at this coffee place that one of the cups was an edible cup. You could actually. Yes.

Do you remember this, Allie? Yeah. Because you ordered it. Oh, and I ate it. Yes. Allie. Before I even drank it, I ate it. I thought we were sitting down to have regular coffee and regular coffee.

Allie goes. I was like, anyway. Ow. She goes, you know. Is she eating? You know, this cup you could eat. And she ate the whole cup. And I go, wow.

Well, it's for eating. That's my girl. Well, because I also, if I'm going to use everything, it's like I use the whole cow, I use the whole coffee. Right. I didn't want to tell Allie this, but she actually did not have one of the edible cups, but she ate it anyway. Hold on.

On the phone right now. I can't believe we're going to see her again. This is Fat Allie. This is the Allie that we used to know. No, it's not. Hello? Hey, Allie. It's me.

Long time. How you been? No, I don't. Fat Allie, get out of here. You're not needed. Can't wait to come back. No. I missed you.

Come on. Oh, she's eating. There she goes. Stop it. What is possibly going on there, Fat Alley? I'm just eating my morning spoonful of mayonnaise. That's not a spoonful of mayonnaise. That's amazing.

It's a whole ton. Oh, yeah. This isn't a spoon. It's a ladle. Stop. A ladle of mayonnaise. Hey, Fat Alley, we miss you so much here at KROQ. You used to be funny.

You didn't care about anything. No way. You're not missed. You were a great punchline. Oh, we're going to have so much fun eating for four or five or whatever. It doesn't matter. Okay. Wait, hold on.

My Postmates is here. No, why are you ordering Postmates? You're already eating. What could you possibly be ordering? To me. Oh, she knows. Yeah, I had two waffles, six eggs, two more waffles, and six more eggs. That's so many eggs and waffles.

That's a huge order right there. But I'm eating light today because I've got to run later. Oh, okay. Well, at least you're staying active. That's important. I mean, I've got to run to Costco to get more snack-sized bags of chips. Come on. Those aren't even snack-sized.

They're massive bags. Yeah, those are massive family-sized bags. Okay, let's agree to disagree. Gotta go. All right. I'm bulking. Okay. See you soon, Allie.

Fat out. No, we don't say fat out. Oh, man. She sounds so much better than I thought. She's so funny. Fat so out. I love fat Allie. God, bring her back.

You know what? You are so missed. It's not going to happen, all right? Got my banana here. All right, yeah. Good luck. You got to try that with a ladle full of mayonnaise. That's how you got to enjoy your banana.

Actually, that does sound pretty good. Jake showed up late to the meeting because he was crapping, because he's had this crap condition and apparently he went 12 times yesterday and then decided to show up to this meeting and sit literally almost on Allie's lap right between Allie putting her unborn twins in danger and then Vanessa

you felt that to be a personal space violation as well I'm sure we were close there was a lot of space there were so many open seats and there was not and his feet were out too barefoot by the way and he puts them up on the sofa and they're both sticking in Allie and Vanessa's direction

No, the puppers are out. So if you want to see all that in real life happening today at a 7-Eleven, Jake will just happen to be in that parking lot anyway, because that's his regular 7-Eleven parking lot hang. I'm going to try and get some change. 626 said Jake shattered, pun intended, his personal vest. He sure did. I splattered. He shattered his personal vest.

I splattered my personal vest. Jake, you know, I brought that shirt of mine you've been asking for for two years now. Oh, cool. This is a t-shirt I've had that I wore in here one time, and Jake said, hey, it's such a weird- It's not purple. It's pink. It's red.

It's faded red. But it's so weird that I wore a shirt, and one time Jake was like, hey, if you ever don't want that shirt, I want it. Who says that to a person? It's so strange. What the hell? The same guy who sits in between two people. Is it a tool shirt? No, it's just a plain red.

There's no design on it. Omar, look at it. It's on the YouTube. It's just this worn ass. It's just a worn, old. It's a cool patina. It's just old and gross. It looks like a sleep shirt.

Is it designer or anything? No, it's nothing. It's a nothing shirt. Oh, my God. You can't buy shirts like that, man. And Jake has been asking me. Yeah, you can. What's your price line?

Annoyingly, for the last two, Jake, if you can name your cousin that died, you can have this shirt. Wrong. It's Randy Newman. So Jake's been asking me, and I finally remembered to bring the shirt in because he's been so annoying about it.

Every morning, he's like, oh, man, I forgot to ask Klein about the shirt. Bring that shirt. When are you going to bring me that shirt? So I just wanted to bring you the shirt to shut you up. Oh, thank you. But now I'm thinking, after looking at it, I held it up earlier.

Allie said, you know what, Klein? She's wrapping it around his ass. She goes Keep everything in She said Ali said Klein that's a nice shirt You shouldn't give it away

You should keep it What are you talking about She said it was nice She said it was crappy No that's what's cool about it though Cause it is a crappy shirt I'm kind of into it too I kind of like it

Yeah you never wear Those colors either I called dibs on this Years ago I want it Hey Klein How much you want for it I mean I was just

Going to give it to Jake For nothing but $15 Whoa That is way too much Johnny it's yours Come on dude $15

It's yours Do you want to outbid him Can Johnny even fit in that Johnny loves it. I think he's too buff for that. Johnny, come put the shirt on. This will be good for the YouTube audience. You want to see Johnny.

Johnny shirtless. Even if it's a belly shirt, Johnny will wear it because. Are you going to cut the sleeves off? Yeah, Johnny here. Jake really wanted the shirt. I mean, I'm not kidding. Two years he's been asking me about this shirt every day. Every goddamn day he's been asking for this shirt.

Let's see if Johnny. Hold on. Johnny's putting on the shirt. Oh, it fits perfect, dude. Look at that. Man. Wow, that looks good on you. Oh, man.

It's in frayed, too. This is actually really sick It was like meant to be Yeah look at you Sorry Jake I'll Venmo you right now Alright thanks dude Enjoy that

Jake You guys are such dicks I'm pissed He's so mad right now Maybe you can outbid Johnny You guys can go to hell F in two years And you just get away like that

Man I'm It's hard not to cuss right now Money talks Jake What's up Eat a dick Oh That's so bad Why are you so upset about the shirt?

Jake, why don't you try it? Piss off! He really does want the shirt. Johnny, give the shirt to Jake. Why don't you guys share custody of the shirt? Would you be okay sharing it with Jake? No, I will not be okay. Come on, I'll get it Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

You can have it Tuesday, Thursday. And the weekend. Shut up, you dumb bitch. Damn! He's so mad. Okay, that's a lie. It's done. Why do you want in on this, Vanessa?

Vanessa, you want the shirt? No, I don't want it. It's ugly. No one wants that shirt. All right. Take a break. Things got weird here. It's just a shirt, Jake.

Yeah, that I want for two years, and he's doing it to piss me off. Well, you should not want a shirt that bad for two years. That says something was wrong with you, man. Hey, he wanted the shirt. Give him the shirt if he really wants it. Johnny. This is like the tism coming out of Jake, right? Yeah, it is.

It's full-tism. You can't spell tism. It's my shirt. It's my shirt. I did it. It's my beginning. I did it. I did it.

You can't spell tism without T. And Jake really wants that T. Jake, you also have more T-shirts than anyone on the show combined. Yeah, no kidding. You have so many shirts. I won't like that. Oh, give him the shirt. Why don't we do a side-by-side?

Let the audience vote. No, I don't want to do a side-by-side. Jake will pose it. Wear it. Johnny will wear it. No, I'm not doing that. It'll be a who wore it best situation. I don't care.

Hey, Johnny can have it now. Oh, guys, I feel bad. So do I still Venmo you or what? Yeah, Venmo, yeah, yeah. Oh. Okay. Give Jake the shirt. He's all mad.

He's like really upset. Maybe we can find a replica. No, you can't. That's a one of one. All right. Well, that got weird. I'm going to take a quick break. Come back.

Jake, are you all right? I'm wearing a red shirt. Are you yelling? Are you yelling in there? You're yelling. I hear you through the wall. It's a cross between pink and red. You never find it.

That patina is cool Alright, you still want it? I'm mad, no Alright Take a break, we'll come back Don't get your flare up again You're going to get too upset Give Jake the shirt, he's about to shatter

his shattering record from yesterday Now listeners are bidding $20, alright, give it to this listener Johnny, take it off We'll be right back, I think, after this So you can judge us and we get it. We come on the air every day, talk about our lives and occasionally that we get judged. I mean, not occasionally, oftentimes we get judged and sometimes we say things and they

get taken very differently than how we intended. I will accept the fact that I'm an idiot and I know you guys have called me that many times for many different things. For the second time in my life now, I realized this week that I have been watering a plant for over a year that apparently is a fake plant. Now, I did. Again? Yeah, because this one-

Yeah, you did this before. I did this before, but the one I did before was kind of one of those floor plants that I could see the water had just been pooling and pooling and pooling. Floor plants? Like it was on the floor. Oh, yeah, you ruined your floors. It was a floor plant, and I ruined the floors underneath it. Okay, what kind of plant was this?

This one was up- A green one? This one was a green one, and it was up on a top shelf where I couldn't really- Shelf plant. It was a shelf plant, but I couldn't see the- Okay, you're so short. I can't see the plant, so I was standing up and just pouring. I've been, you know, every once in a while, I've just been pouring water in it.

You didn't check to see or feel it? Is this your plants? I'm not a plant person. I don't care about plants. My wife likes plants, and if they die, then she wants to buy new plants. Clearly, she doesn't like plants either because they're fake. Well, right. This one was the one I was the most proud of because, to be honest, I was surprised because I forgot to water it a lot that it still looked as green as it looked.

But how can you be proud of yourself when it looked exact? Wasn't there a red flag when it changed not once? Not at all? I wouldn't know. Why would I know? It's a plant. They all look the same, and then they're dead. Yeah, but over time, things change about the plant.

You have to trim it. They grow. Yes. Well, this one does look like it's a little too tall for the shelf it's on, so the branches are hitting the ceiling. They have been since we put it there. Yeah, so it's from day one the same. Well, I just assumed it couldn't grow.

Same color green. Yeah, same color green. Same length of leaves. Because I thought I was doing a good job of taking care of it. So there's fake dirt, too? There's a fake, yeah, there's a fake. I can't really see what now I can see, because now I see what I've done to the inside of it. But have you gone on a ladder?

I had to take it down. Well, what happened was I was standing up watering it, and my wife said, what are you doing? I said, I'm just keeping your plants alive like I do. And she goes, that one's not real. And I said, what are you talking about? It's not real. And she goes, that one's not real. We've had that at the last three places we've lived in.

We've brought it from place to place. Oh, wow. You've had it for that long? I didn't know. I don't know. I'm like, I don't care. I'm not a plant person. I don't look at plants.

You don't even notice that the plant has been in three of your last locations? Plants to me are unnecessary. I know there's people that love them. We had those, that petty claims court couple, the guy that was upset because his girlfriend kept buying more and more plants. Yeah, but even if you don't notice, you still feel a benefit of having a plant. I think that's like a psychological thing. in your brain it's part of your like living room or wherever it is decor like you should notice

dude there's like five or six plants sometimes they're there sometimes they're dead when they're dead sometimes you know she said we need to buy a plant i'm like that's definitely something that you don't need to put the word need in front of you don't need the word need in front of a plant that's not a need that's not a shelter water food that's what we need as humans plant is not provide air clean air one not the plastic ones that you have you know how filthy the effing air is where we live that the plant's not helping all right we got i live within a mile of major freeways on all sides not enough plants to fix that there's not enough plants i don't have any i could have the amazon rainforest in my living room it's not gonna change well sometimes you

get a weird plant where it attracts like bugs well what damage did you do okay well the damage is that uh once again what i was i wasn't putting a lot of water at a time because the thing had been thriving for so long yeah it was that i was just putting in it's like that friend you know that never ages and be like how do they look the same i put a what i would do is i would take a shot glass a mannequin i would take a shot i do have a friend that looks great he's amazing i've been putting lotion on him and it turns out he's a mannequin especially that line across your head i've been uh i've been taking a shot glass and i just put a little bit of water in the shot glass and i just go over the little shelf and i stand up and it's up above where i can like barely on

my tiptoes and then i just uh pour the little shot glass of water in the plant and then two weeks later i'm like oh man i'm water that plant in a while i should do it clearly you care if you are trying to keep the plant alive i'm just keeping it alive enough to not have to buy another plant because the ones that apparently are the real plants those ones die pretty regularly and then she'll say you water those ones too no you only what seems to be only water the fake because this one is the tallest this one is the hardest one to reach and believe it or not regardless of what jake says and i don't know why jake always likes to say i'm short even though i tower tower over jake by the way i don't know if you've seen any pictures of me next to jake i don't know if you

tower i tower over jake you've got like a couple inches it's like minute bowl at a child when i stand next to jake i'll dunk on you all day you will not dunk on me all day i would love to take that challenge so but the point is of all of this is that i am the tallest one in my short family so you know i've got little children and a wife who's five feet tall so as a result i am the tall one so i get the tall jobs so one of the tall jobs is i have to water proud of that tall job aren't you oh i was proud of it because i was like yeah i'll get the i'll get the plan when there's a bowl on a top shelf you are the only one who can get it or all of you can't get it none of us can it just lives there how many step stools are in your house there's a few

they're up the kids have one in the bathroom uh there's a down there's a ladder step and ladder you have one to get in your car i have one to get my car every day to get on the phone books in my car yeah so there's a lot of stuff brad williams for tips yeah yeah he helped me uh no but uh he helps you understand this big world you're living in i feel like i'm an idiot now because now for two different times in my life i have spent a good chunk of my year watering a dead i mean not a dead a fake plant yeah i think that that's pretty sad i mean it's pretty stupid that you have done it now twice and you've done it for that long that you could pour water in a plant repeatedly for that long and not

even notice that it's a fake plant like there are fake plants in my place too but it's very obvious which ones are fake and which ones aren't I'm going to get a picture of this later and I'm going to show you you would have been fooled too in fact you know what I'll do you know what I'll do actually next week

remind me Vanessa we'll do like an is it cake sort of thing I will bring in three plants next week so stupid is it plants and I will see if Allie can pick the fake one out i bet one of them i want to be cake one of them will be cake and one of them's going to be an edible arrangement it'll be very obvious when the leaves are made of watermelon slices so

that's our big exciting plans for next week listen closely now vanessa was back at pride then this is something we did last year she didn't think it went well we thought it was probably the greatest moment i think this may have actually won best moment best moment of the show that we played at the end of last year so when we sent her back she said guys it's not going to be as good because lightning doesn't strike twice and she also told us that everyone understood everything she said which is why i start with this what one team playing in the a finals what's her name what's so the question what one team playing in the a what is that the question she was supposed to ask in this first question of gay or nay is can they name one team playing in the nba finals and

this is how that question came out what one team playing in the a finals what's her name what's that name say that again give me a name wow what's the attitude there can we be clear this is towards the end of the night some vocabulary is already bad i mean you left out two of the three letters in nba and then got mad at him for not you have no patience at this point you're like over it and this guy this guy's clearly super gay because he goes like ah can you ask that again And she's like, just shut up and answer the question. Just give me a name. What one team playing in the A Finals?

What's a name? What's the name? Wait, say that again? Wait, say that again? I got none of that. Give me a name. Who is Scottie Schieffer? Oh, she just moved.

Scottie Schieffer? Damn, I have no mother. So this guy is already very confused by Vanessa. And understandably, she claims that was later in the day, so we should not hold that against her. Way to confuse and disorient the gays on one of their most fun weekends of the year. Yeah, she made it very unfun. So we decided if that was where it ended, let's go back to the beginning.

Because at the beginning, she must have been a lot more coherent. So this is the first person she chatted with. And let's see if there's any difference here. It's time for the return of the 2026 edition of Gay or Nay. You're going to hear a person answer some questions that Vanessa approached at Pride. And you just have to try to figure out, based on their answers, do we think that they are gay or not? Straight person there, a celebrating or just a confused tourist. I think the new game should just be, can they answer Vanessa's questions?

That's a much better game. And here we go with our first contestant. First question, what is your name? So that one she... Can they answer? Give me a name! Just give me a name! What if the person's name was Scotty Schufer?

David Hi David Alright so listen She's She got that going Name one team Playing in the NBA finals The next

The nuts he said They're playing every year It's always the nuts But we're not gonna play with David Because even Vanessa said That David She was too drunk for that So she wanted us to go to

Her first interview of the day So this This is our real first contestant And the only contestant We're gonna have time for In today's edition of gay or nex. I have another guy here.

What is your name? Jalen. Jalen. Name one team playing in the NBA Finals. Nice job. I'm a dino? Okay, dino. So, she's already confused. There's a language barrier

right out of the gate. I don't know if she thinks it's him bringing it up. Yeah, she said name one team. Oh, dino. She thought, he thought she was talking about dinos. She said NBA Finals. He said, dino? And she responded. And she was like, yes.

Dino? Okay, dino. Name one team playing in the NBA Finals. I'm a dino? Okay, dino. So this is where it started. So that's an O for one. But I'm going to say that both of them are gay in this case.

What do they sell at Ulta? Concealer. What? Concealer. Concealer, yep. Yep, yep, yep. Who is Scotty Schieffer? Who's who?

Scotty Schieffer? Oh, no. Okay, that's okay. What magazine do they give you at the Broadway shows? Um, Hamilton? Oh, my God. Let me ask you a question, seriously. Do gay people constantly have a throbbing headache?

Because the music... No, this is their white noise. This is their calm. Oh, my God. I know, isn't it wild? I would have thought the worst part about being gay for me would have been having to put another man's penis in me. But I think that this music is maybe worse than that even.

Yeah, and just this on a loop with a drink in hand and bopping, biting the booty. I would put, if I were to go gay, I would start a new thing where I put two penises in my ears at the same time to drown out all this other noise. What magazine do they give you at the Broadway shows? Hamilton?

What? Hamilton said Broadway shows? Yeah, what magazine do they give you? Hamilton? Yeah, sure, whatever. Vanessa. Whatever, you idiot. Vanessa has no patience.

She loves the gays, but has no patience for them. Because clearly he doesn't understand. She's like, I'm mad at him. Okay, whatever. Fine, whatever. You don't get it. What party part is Sydney Swinnon's best known for? Her tits.

Party part? I don't know. I don't think any of these questions have come out clean, by the way. Well, that's an unfair question because that one I do feel, like we've said, everyone loves boobs. Everyone loves boobs. Gay or straight, man or woman. I think gay guys may even like boobs more than straight guys because they love, they're squishy. They're kind of like those neato squishies that everyone likes these days, right?

Her boobies. Her boobies. Oh, boy. That's right. Hey, Vanessa, I sent you $150 of drinking money this weekend. You did? How much of that did you go through? Honestly, I don't know.

But a lot of that was for the Uber. Which means all of it. A lot of it was for the Uber because the Uber was expensive. But I definitely, like. I didn't send, it wasn't for Uber. That was all for drinks. I know, but it also helped my Uber situation. I didn't want to help your Uber.

Well, I had two shots and a drink and a drink. Two shots and a drink and a drink? Okay. Vanessa was a pride this weekend. It's like how I get answers questions. Exactly. And one and one and one and one and one. When I ask my kids why they don't want dinner, they say the exact same thing.

I had two snacks and a drink and a drink. So anyway, so Vanessa was hammered, and here she is trying to figure out if this guy's gay. Do we even have to go on with the game? The guy's clearly gay. I think they're all just gay. Right when he said, Chyla, I knew he was gay. What is the main ingredient in quiche? In quiche?

Yeah. Oh, um, I have no idea. It's okay. Where am I in this question In the bedroom What is the Alfie Tower The Alfie Tower The Alfie Tower

So once again the question was In the bedroom what is the Eiffel Tower And this is how Vanessa asked it In the bedroom what is the Alfie Tower The Eiffel Tower is Two men holding hands right I don't know

I've never done it. So people are holding hands. Okay, okay. People are holding hands over someone giving s**t. Okay. Is that okay for radio? Why is she asking you? No?

I'm amazed that he was so comfortable and able to answer that question. That's in his domain. Yeah, like that one he answered crystal clear. He got the textbook definition of the Eiffel Tower, even being asked what the Alfie Tower is. Please keep that. Okay. Who is Rumble?

Rambo? Isn't that a cowboy, Rambo? I don't know. What type of clothes are capris? Capris are like mini shorts. They're like a little bit longer than shorts. Okay. All right, all right, all right.

So she sounds like she's getting drunk or asking questions to go on. So the guy thinks Rambo's a cowboy, but he knows what capris are. So, like, you know, how many more questions? I love that he looks at her like, is that right? And she just goes, I don't know. Yeah, Vanessa, you didn't know the answer? You didn't know the answer to any of these questions? I did to some of them.

Right. Which ones did you know? Sweetney. Sweetney? Sydney Sleamy, she's saying. Let's translate. Ulta. Yeah, you knew the Ulta one.

What does Al Michaels do? Just want to know? Al Michaels. Al Michaels? Al Michaels? I think so, yeah. any straight man would know what al michaels does uh legendary football broadcaster one of the finest sweetest voices out there in the world but vanessa didn't know this michaels is a

like a craft store right that is the way a gay man would answer that this is going to be shocking to every single person who hears it i just got some news a moment ago and it is surprising to say the very least it's not a replay i know some people are going to think i've heard this episode before got a call from my wife and she sounded not well um which is normal normal standard but panicked for sure and she said it's happened again and i wasn't sure did she break the other wrist thought that's what she meant i thought she broke the other wrist i thought maybe she these damn stairs the stairs i thought maybe she even broke the same wrist again because she was complaining that the cast felt tight she had a rough week she went outside to load up the car to take the kids

to school and the car is gone oh my god what is happening over there i know i just used your stupid health stick or whatever i i i didn't cleanse outside my home you didn't do the egg thing man i didn't do the egg thing yet but i did cleanse inside the home that's just the beginning of the process. Yeah, dude, your soul, man. Whatever it is, it's inside you, dude. Her car about a year ago, right after the fires, almost exactly a year ago, because it was right after

the fires, because when her car was stolen, it had all of our stuff inside of it because we were planning on evacuating, and that sucked. That double sucked. And we never found that car again. But it did result in some great content where Jake played an officer. Jake got to call and prank her, and we all had

a good fun, but now it's not funny anymore because now the car has been stolen again, a second time so can we prank her again i think we can here's jake get on the phone tell her tell her it's a mobile drug i will say this is a serious request and i hate to use the audience for our own necessary needs i do have a location of where the stolen car is right now well it is last time it was stolen you had no she never set up when the last time it was stolen she had never set up the thing that basically you just got to click a button when you get a card it says this will let you know where

your car is in case it goes stolen and she never approved or agreed this time was the first thing she did and so i do know where this car is right now and and i'm asking because i can't leave the studio in the middle of the show but perhaps there is someone who listens to us who is in law enforcement or who doesn't who doesn't have more important things to do right now or maybe you're a retired officer or you're just a tough guy uh if you could uh this is not very far from the radio station to be honest where at least it shows it was moments ago the car has now been supposedly deactivated i don't even know how they do that but so does it deactivate like in the middle of driving like as soon as they realize it's stolen they just go the car company claims that they have

a location as to where it was taken to and parked and it was parked not too long ago i don't know omar asked a question is it a chop shop i don't know these things the way that they explained it to me last time when cars get stolen in la we talked to a lot of people who've had their car stolen and a lot of the stories ended okay a lot of them ended i never saw that car again for the most part the goal is once the car is stolen get it to the chop shop as quickly as possible well that's what you do in grand theft auto right take take what you need to take sometimes they don't even care about the car they just want the parts sometimes they want to get it over the the border as quickly as possible so they gotta you know get rid of some vins and spray

paint some stuff uh the thing that i am devastated about and this part is going to potentially make me cry is that uh you know that bunny my daughter's bunny yeah that bunny that's like her whole thing still still that sort of thing that's that's everything to her and that was the bunny that we left on the trip and had the that bunny was in the car yesterday afternoon because uh my wife was taking her out and she really wanted to bring bunny along and i said when you get get home please bring bunny back inside the house and i think she forgot to do that and so that just sat in the car all night forget about yeah because yeah well and she's over it nah she's not over it why would it sit in the car all night so i mean wouldn't she want to

know where that thing is at all times and if it's stolen and they just brought the car to this place and parked it who's to say bunny's not in there well good right good could be in there Maybe Bunny stole the car. But if we can't find anyone that is more qualified to go on this fun hunt for me, I'll make it worth your while with tickets to AMA Supercross. What? Are you offering tickets for someone to find your stolen car right now? That's the least we can do.

No, I can't offer those tickets. But I will owe you, and that's very important. Well, where's the car? The address that I have, as of right now, is... Like, can someone go find that car and then get in it and drive it back to your wife? someone could put eyes on the car and say i see the car and then i could potentially uh yeah then what i'd have to get a key i'd have to have her uber me a key i mean yes there's a process but we could track we could work together and solve a crime right now in southern

california well but if they find the car i don't think they're going to find the person who stole it they probably i just want to find the car you just said solve a crime well yeah all right well let's just get the car back first forget about the uh the person who stole it right now it shows that it's on south westland avenue by third street in between second and third mm-hmm 2-2 south westmoreland avenue cool okay so someone get there 2-2-0 south westmoreland avenue if i if anyone is near that area right now wants to help i don't want to put you in harm's way here but well well i'm confused so we know that the car's there and what do you what do you want exactly you want someone to just look at the car and tell you it's there sit on top of the

car what is someone going to do when they get are you thinking that they might be going into a dangerous situation i don't think so because i think usually if they're trying to steal cars they're not looking for they don't want any sort of i mean that's what the cops have said last time these guys they're pros they just they want to get the cars they want to get the parts they want to move the cars. That's it. That's the whole operation. Do you think that it's the same people who took your car a year ago or do you think it's a different crew? Great question, Allie. I don't know. I think there's a lot of crews doing it. I mean, if I was really into robbing cars and I had a good one, I'd be like, okay, year anniversary. Let's see if they have

another one. Hey, Nick. Nick, hi. Good morning. Hey, good morning. Did you already call and notify law enforcement that the vehicle was stolen? I'm in law enforcement, but I don't work that area i looked it up in the map real quick but um if you did then you report the car stolen you tell them where it's at and the officers will go get the car because it's just the backside of a chp 180 that it's a car recovery and they'll pick it up right uh yes i haven't thought to do that yet i thought your first thought was to just go on the air and tell people no no listen my my wife said i'm going to call 9-1-1 i said 9-1-1 is not for you 9-1-1 is not going to care about i think all that's happened it is for her it's not for it's not for her 9-1-1 is not it's no

it's a business call if they were stealing it while she was watching yeah that's a 9-1-1 call right after the fact no it's not um but yeah it's just a simple car recovery um you call the local agency that's in that area and tell them, hey, my car was stolen and LoJack or OnStar or whoever it is, they located the vehicle. It's located at this address. I need an officer to go and get the vehicle. But how low on the list of priorities does that go? I mean, there was a guy with a machete and a laundromat. I feel like that's got to take priority over this, right? It actually depends on the city. If it's a small city like Torrance or something like that, they'll have somebody on it quick but if it's lapd or sheriff's area yeah you might be waiting a while what about

a small city like los angeles yeah what about one of the largest cities it's always different um but you know if there's somebody near my nearby they'll put it out on their their their mdcs their computers and if there's somebody nearby they'll like hey we'll take that call that's an easy you know it's an easy uh it's an easy call for them to do yeah 818 said that this looks like a residential neighborhood they're looking on google maps and it doesn't look like there's a shop or anything that is nearby so this could be someone's home right now my question is uh uh officer uh that you cannot help me but you can tell me how to help uh do i call a police station near where the car is or uh you know near where i live in the valley yes well you the crime happened at

your house so you will call and report it near your house right then you can tell them where it's located and if it's in the same jurisdiction like it was stolen in lipd's territory then they'll notify the station where the vehicle is at right and then it should tell them to go recover the vehicle now do you think because klein had hit the same car stolen you know different car okay but we could never found the first one okay but this is the same car essentially that's been stolen twice within a one-year period do you think that his insurance company is going to call shenanigans and say this is bs you're lying to us you know i i can't answer on that because i don't know how insurance companies work but in this case it's a recovery

so if it's not completely trashed and more times than not what they do is they steal it they park it somewhere and they wait to see if it gets recovered that tells them if there's an on star in it or a gps tracking okay look at that all right well time so time is of the essence time is of the essence the thing is stolen at some point in the last few hours and you are uh helpful enough but you don't have a number or a name for me so i just got to go ahead and do some digging unfortunately i don't because i don't know where you live and i don't know the the substation for you all right well once again pointed out that you gave the address but no information on the make and model of the car so i'm just going to go to that area to go and and be you know the

vigilantes and no you know i just look i'm just looking for eyes i'm just looking for eyes on the scene because my wife's telling me i gotta leave the station and go over there and i said i can't then she goes send johnny it'll be funny dude it's only like a 10 minute drive man from here yeah i think so it's not that far from the station so what does that mean vanessa you're on it give vanessa the key and tell her to go get it you know re-enable the vehicle and tell her to go get it nick thank you for the uh the call I know you are. Thank you for the call.

If anyone listening to this can actually help out, I'd appreciate that greatly. It was great hanging out with all of the listeners that showed up to support Jake's live comedy show at the Goo Kite. And for those of you that were not able to make it or came up with a good excuse like, Ali, I'm out of town, we're going to play you some of what took place there because, as always with this show, we can't just do a regular thing where it happens and we move on. There has to be some sort of a drama thing that happens. unfortunately in this particular case oh uh someone who was there at the show thought it would be funny because in the in the past alley whenever we listen to jake do his comedy you know

jake moved to la 20 years ago to want to be a stand-up comedian now he sits in that little nerd hole with all those dead animals was that the only goal was that the goal you had i thought you were raised here in a way jake uh yeah i was but i moved back to pursue stand-up got it okay how's that going great yeah it's all right just the best so jake did a show on friday it was a big deal for him and uh you know johnny was forced to stand up and a bunch of other comedians jake's been friends with over the year went up on stage and some of them were very funny and others not so much we've also seen and heard some of jake's previous sets and it seems that there are always these crickets in the background which is wild because they're indoor venues no no they were

outdoor venues a lot of the ones he claims were outdoor venues and some that claim some they were I mean, loud crickets, too. And remember when he did his little bit in the drive-thru? There was crickets there, too. That was crazy. It's like they follow him everywhere. So we've called you kind of like the Pied Piper of crickets for some reason. And crickets, as you know, is like the ultimate insult when you're trying to tell jokes and all you get is crickets.

So it was wild to ask the show somebody. So at Jake's show, this is how it all started. I did seriously consider taking jujitsu classes in an effort to try to toughen up. Now this is inside of a bar in North Hollywood once again an indoor venue with four walls and a ceiling So we're inside inside a bar and then I decided against it because I learned I would have to take off my bracelets I was like, no, thank you Now if you notice the laughter Jake got after his bracelet joke joke uh it's like a three out of ten but the laughter the crickets got oh 10 out of 10 out

of 10 crushing hilarious killing the crickets are killing so i mean it's an inside joke for people who listen to the show and which was what would you say 90 of the audience i don't know jake what do you think you're playing to your crowd i mean there's definitely a lot of listeners there but i'm sure there was also yeah i'm sure there are some amount of people who didn't get the joke i know there are some people came up afterwards that didn't think it was funny there's a lot of people that didn't get the bracelet joke uh well i mean a lot of people didn't think it was funny i guess but i think you get it you get it and then don't laugh so this was when the crickets first made their um appearance during jake's show so immediately jake hears the crickets in this club

and starts yelling is that klein and i'm sitting i wasn't yelling well not at that point but you're about to start yelling when i get to cricket five as i listen to these clips you really escalate quickly about the crickets, but here we go. Split f***ing second. They're my fans. I roll deep with crickets. I'm going to f***ing punch you in the face.

So that's cricket one. Now Jake starts all pleasant. Oh, crickets, that's funny. And then by the end of that he's already going i'll punch you in the face he's escalated pretty quickly ali yeah but i thought maybe he was just playing into the the comedy of it okay you know like it upsets jill i'm gonna punch you we move forward in his act now a few minutes and here we go thank you very much i know don't make me get off the stage i won't find you

people think that since i'm a dog guy i like all dogs so you think jake's killing it because all that laughter but this is he's setting up his joke but the crickets are stealing his thunder yeah but i got now i kind of feel bad jake obviously had written and prepared something and he put on this comedy show for everybody to come and enjoy and then he is the headliner and he's trying to get through his set and you can't even hear him because the crickets are so loud.

Jake, were there crickets during other people's sets? Not that I'm aware of, no. Is that really Klein? Who the f*** is he? Second time now I've been accused of being the cricket guy. Why don't you just say no?

I didn't want to be brought into his show. I was sitting in the back watching the show like a good patron at a comedy club. I didn't want to... You wanted to just watch all the discomfort unfold.

I didn't want to yell out from the back, not me! I didn't want to solve this problem. Was he going to go person by person and accuse everyone

of being the cricket guy? No, he thinks it's you, so just say no, it's not. I was wondering. Jake, you really think in a million years I would show up and play crickets

at your comedy show? I don't think you'd play it for that long. Yeah, he wouldn't play it for that long. Like I said yesterday, Ginger Justin brought up the fact that you would

never think of something that funny. Right, and you know What he brought up to me, he said the crickets went on long, but not as long as your set. That's what he said to me. So you want to talk about what Ginger Justin says? We're just outing Ginger Justin.

Ginger Justin. So that's just a fact. That's not a diss at all. That's just stating a fact. All right. Who? Who? Where?

Are you guys my friends and fans here? So now Jake is trying to figure out. He's going personally. He's kind of like looking at different crowds, groups in the crowd going, where are these crickets? Are they coming from you? Because the cricket sound did sound like it was all encompassing. If this was happening to you, Klein, how would you have handled it?

That's a great question. You've done it. You've done standard. I think I would have ignored it. I would have just kept going with the act. Yeah, but it's so loud. It's really hard to ignore. It's on forever.

Like, with this better audio, it is crazy how loud they are. Yeah, yeah. We get it. Crickets. I get it. So now Jake's starting to escalate a little bit. This is funny. Jake, please.

All right. Thank you. Jake is looking mad he's looking behind him he's looking underneath he's looking above Jake's just standing on stage with a microphone now looking around just looking this is almost on its way

to a viral moment almost because you know a lot of comedians are getting a lot of clicks because of their crowd work that's right and this is work

this is definitely work from the crowd now we escalate we move forward in the routine now and this is when Jake apparently has his this is when the tantrums

really begin that's my hand and you woke up I'll take you I'm so f***ing I don't lose crickets. I'm f***ing over it. That joke sucks now.

It's really f***ing me up. So if you can stop that, please. Someone yells, play the crickets louder. I don't think he could. It was like max volume. So now Jake's at a point where he's now begging with the audience. Come on, guys, please. Yeah.

God. You can't do that. so now the crowd's turning with jake and they're saying get the cricket guy in there oh that was the bartender oh 949 said can you please play this comedy bit without the guy talking so i can hear the super funny crickets but 818 said the crickets were distracting and they got annoying after a few minutes and it's not funny and it was super disrespectful and it It was 5-6-2. This is master class douchebaggery.

Right, I agree. Do you? Yeah, I agree. Look, I think the crickets... Sounds like you stand with the crickets. At one point, you do hear me, Ali, in the crowd to prove that I was there. And this is when Jake was explaining why he doesn't do comedy very often. And this is, I think, after the crickets finally shut down for the night.

To be honest, I really appreciate the crickets for, like, the first five minutes. It just lasted so long. So he's still not talking. The crickets have not been going on now for a while, but Jake can't shake the crickets. So he's bringing up the crickets later in his act now and saying he did. Oh, they're gone? They're gone now. Like the last, like, yeah, maybe seven to ten minutes they were gone.

Yeah, when Jake did his bonus time. When he went from his 25-minute set as promised to a 40-minute set. So you added 14 minutes because of the crickets? No, this is because we had extra time. And I had some stuff prepared. And if I had time, I was going to do it. Wish the crickets had known we had all that extra time. Could have gotten more crickets.

To be honest, I really appreciate the crickets. Is that Vanessa groaning? It just lasted too long. so hold on the guy hold on jake the guy who claims he is responsible for the crickets has called us now hey james what's up you're the cricket guy uh yeah well and it kind of sort of i think i was set up how do you mean and well basically what happened is jake you guys We guys made announcements that, you know, there's going to be crickets at Jake's show, right, during the week. And so he gets on set.

Somebody else starts playing in the front, starts playing cricket noises really loud. I mean, it's through a speaker, the intercom, something. And then somebody in the back started playing it again or started doing their own soundtrack. So then I thought it was funny. And then so I played my soundtrack. So there were multiple cricket guys? You're not the guy that was connected to the Bluetooth. You were just another rando just playing out of his phone.

I was just some rando dude. And then so a guy came up to me, you know, and said, dude, you're being annoying. And I said, I will stop. I stopped my little YouTube video in front of him. And then the noise put my phone in my pocket, and the noise kept going. So then eventually in about 10 minutes later. Oh, so you tried to shut down your crickets, but your crickets kept playing in your pocket. I stopped it.

Right. I stopped mine. Mine was stopped. Jake, do you think it's somebody from the venue? Because you had to have some sort of password or something to connect to the Bluetooth system, right? I would think maybe the Bluetooth was open. And I don't think anybody from the venue was that inside on the show to know that joke. Do you still believe that you're the king of the crickets?

I'm definitely the king of the crickets. Yeah. You know, I would love to take that name And dance around with the crickets in my underwear And say I am the king of the crickets No, no, you're not, Jake's king of the crickets Thank you, but that's interesting This is the one time, Allie

And then we have to wrap this up But once again, if you hear crickets throughout the show today Call us, Crickets for Tickets, I'll show along today In honor of Jake's crickets, the big headliner of his act This is when Jake talked about why he doesn't do comedy very much It's the first time you actually hear me make an appearance during this So I don't do stand-up much anymore Obviously

you hear me yell and celebrate when jake says he doesn't do stand-up much anymore that's the phone the one that's when the crickets were quiet because they were sad that's when the one time you hear me go much anymore obviously and that's me in the back all right jake i think you did a great job why do you woo by the way most most most human beings go yeah or something like that he's cabana klein i was uh i was the one of jake to know that i supported him and i was still there jake i thought that i supported him when he said i don't do stand-up anymore and then you wooed that's your form of support yeah well i was that's worse than the crickets yeah this was almost at the end of his act and i think that jake assumed i was going to leave early

because i was sitting near the front so you were just trying to prove you were there proven i was there i needed to get an audio stamp but i was still there so it's a watermark it's a watermark just letting you know it's like your bat signal k rock we are klein alley show and uh i want to quickly defend myself for just a moment i've been accused of yet another thing around here which is just not accurate, but Allie is, of course, trying to stir the pot. I'm not trying to stir the pot. I'm just saying what's happening.

You're wearing two bracelets and lady shoes. Okay. I am wearing shoes that are regular man shoes that Allie has somehow started spreading a rumor that they are lady shoes. They're ballet shoes. The fact that we discussed it for a while. We didn't discuss it for a while.

You are neck and neck with Johnny for being gayest on the show. I'm not gayest on the show. We decided yesterday I'm nowhere even near the top three. He also showed our boss videos of other men working out, which is a different thing. Why are you recording other men at the gym, creepo? First of all, I'm not recording other men at the gym at all. On your phone, do you have— Our boss has very bad vision and hearing, and whenever he has to come near, he gets very—

I'm glad he chooses the music here. He gets very, very close, uncomfortably close when he wants to come over and talk. And my phone was sitting up on the desk. It was scrolling through stuff. and one of the things it scrolled to was a guy doing a workout guide that's showing you the right way to work out properly.

So all of a sudden I feel like I had to defend the fact because he's looking at my phone and I go, oh, this is a guy that's showing me how I should be working out. Apparently I'm doing it all wrong. That was the extent of it. Ali changed the story and goes, Klein is showing our boss videos of himself working out. Not true. Well, because you were showing him, you were like, this is what I do.

I do this every day. I was kidding. Doing these lunges. The guy was like some Navy SEAL who was all jacked. I'm clearly not on his routine at all that was the joke it was funny back to the lady shoes then ali goes uh are you wearing lady shoes now i did accidentally buy a pair of lady pants i i'll admit it they were sweatpants i thought they were cargo pants i think that anything that anyone buys on tiktok shop is usually either unisex or for women i i blame johnny's generation for this because the reality is it used to be pretty goddamn clear if you're buying something from the man section of

the lady section now they don't no one wants to get in trouble for anything so they just put everything on a random shelf and say good luck well and i think that people are more gender fluid with how they dress now nothing gender fluid about the shoes i'm wearing they're man shoes for men why don't you show them to everybody show them how tiny the soles are okay there's a couple of things about you had to buy a smaller size right yeah i had yes i had to buy a smaller size yes because yeah because they didn't have them in the size i needed why don't you have the balls to show us what they look like on the live johnny get out of here with the camera I'll put my goddamn shoes up.

Relax. What did our boss say when you asked him, are these ladies' shoes? He said, first of all, he's such a man, our boss. He goes, I don't trust any shoes that don't have strings because these shoes, they have no laces. I'm lazy. Loafers? You're wearing loafers?

They're not loafers. You're a little light in the loafers there, huh? This is the shoe. All right? I'm showing you the shoe for the YouTube cam. No socks either, bro. What the hell? Yeah, it's summer.

No socks. Show them the soles. The soles. Little ballet flats. These are not ballet flats, Allie. Oh, ankle toes. You know, it's so funny. They make your feet look really funny.

I really like them. Shut up, Vanessa. Before the show started today, Jake said to me, and not that this is going to be good for my defense, Jake's like, oh, I have shoes like that. There you go. I don't like that, but Jake was, you defended them earlier, Jake, now you're mocking them? No, mine are Pumas, I mean purple. Okay, well you have ladies' shoes then.

Does any of this make you feel better? No, these are man's shoes. But by the way, most shoes, like you said now, unisex. Guys wear them, girls wear them, kids wear them. Right, so you can't tell if they're for men or women. I think these are- You saying that they are man shoes is inaccurate. The size I bought them says, not men, it says US size, well, Euro.

It's got the Euro size. Girly eights. These are girly eights. Girly eights. They were made in Indonesia. That much I know. Okay. That's the place that's known for making man shoes.

You know how straight our boss is, is that he can't even see laces. He said strings. Yeah, I don't trust any- Those shoes have strings, dude. Yeah, he goes, those shoes don't have strings. Anything that ain't got strings is for queers. Anyway, see ya. That's what he said.

So, anyway. I don't understand that shoe because there's holes for the strings, but there's no strings. Right. Right. They're illusions. But they're slip-ons. They're an illusion. They're just an illusion.

Women aren't smart enough to lace them up. These are man shoes for a man. I mean, they're just so thin on the bottom I just feel like I had one pair of shoes that had thick soles You guys accused me of trying to look taller So I can't win in this stupid place When you were wearing them yesterday

You were wearing baggy jeans With those shoes And your feet looked very small Right Because they're ballet slippers I'm trying to counter Whatever Tom Holland What's his face said about ballet

Timothy Chalamet I'm fighting the back. So you admit that they're ballet slippers. They're not ballet slippers. You just said they were. All right. We got to take a break. Do a dance.

Tiny soul Kevin. Do a little dance. I'm going to do some pirouettes. 714 said, I'm looking at the stream and Allie seems correct. No way. No way. I went and looked at them again where I ordered them. And they don't say man shoes in the description, but they do say shoes.

Did you get these on the street? Did you get scammed again? No, you got them on TikTok shop. Did you not? I'm on TikTok shop. TikTok shop. All right, shut up, Vanessa. Right, girl?

Hey, all right, never mind. Slay all day. Science usually says that the more pot you smoke over the course of your life, the more weed you ingest, the dumber you get. Well, and I usually, I don't know about you, but I've done like writing or idea brainstorming sessions high, and then I look at it when I'm sober, and I'm like, this is a mess. This is trash. But it made sense to me at the time, and we like to go ahead and prove science wrong and

give you a chance to prove potheads right. It's time for Stonagories. Stonagories. What's the category? Stonagories. What's the category? Stonagories. What's the category?

What's the category? All right. Say hi to a lot of people on the phone that claim they are very high right now. That's the one rule. You have to be high to participate in Stonagories. That's how we make this officially scientific. K-Rock, hello. Who's this?

David. David, are you high right now? Is that a yes or no? Yes. How often do you smoke? Probably like three times a week. What is your weed of choice? Raza and Dab.

Whoa, that's aggressive. Yeah, for electronic peaks. Well, science claims that you're an idiot and you won't be able to think of words when you need to, so we will give you a category and a letter, and you give us all of the words that fit under the category that start with the letter. Let's see if we can beat the high score of one. Your letter is T And your category is medical conditions

And go Testosterone? I don't think that's a medical condition Continuing, go Come on, clock is ticking Uh Tuberculosis We got one

We got one, let's go, come on Uh I don't know Todd the cat What did you say? Tom the cat. Tom the cat? I can't think of anything else.

Time is... Done. Up. All right, well, you gave us tuberculosis. Sorry about that. I do feel like I have tuberculosis after that. Tetanus, a lot of people coming through on the text line with ones we could have accepted. Tumor.

Tumor, yeah, you're right. Now I can think of everything. That's actually a diagnosis on you. Damn it. Off to a strong start, tickets to see the highest functioning pothead that we know, Seth Rogen, as part of Netflix is a Joke, at the Greek Theater on May 6th. And how high are you right now? Decent amount.

We can tell. Justin, how long it took you to answer that lets us know it's more than a decent amount. What did you smoke this morning? A couple bowls. A couple bowls. Traditional flour. Look at that. Keeping it old school.

We're going to give you a letter and a category. You must give us everything that fits under the category that starts with that letter. And the high score is one. Let's see if you can beat the high score. Set the clock right now. Your letter is B, and your category is desserts. And go. I got to name things that start with B?

That's right. Woo! I just keep going. Bump cakes. Bump what? Bunt cakes. Bunt cakes. We've got bunt cakes.

Go, go, go. Time is ticking. Come on. The letter's B. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Hold on. Hold on. Bunt cakes.

Come on. You're running out of time. Okay, I got two. I got two. I hate to break it to you, but bunt cake is not two. It's one. I can't think of any more. That's it?

You're tapped out? I tapped out. All right. Well, we got Bundt cake. Hold on one second, Ryan. Thank you for playing Stoner Gories. And now we say hi to Elizabeth. Elizabeth, welcome to Stoner Gories.

How high are you right now? Oh, my God. Good morning. Good morning, guys. Morning. What have you partaken in this morning as far as weed goes? Some indica, you know. The moment I wake up, I need to get the day started.

Don't even want to give it a chance over. That's a good outlook for society right there. Get the day started with indica. That's right. When I wake up, I want to smoke something that makes me not wake up. So I go back to my indica. All right, well, we'll give you a letter and a category. Once again, high score, still one.

Can anyone top the high score of one? Your category is sexy things. Your letter is P, and go. Sexy things, starting with P. Time is ticking. I can't think of anything P. Come on. Once again, your letter is P.

P. sound it out um p-o-r-n i don't know if i could say that on the radio oh okay well you can say that what is it that you just spelled porn don't say that on the radio oh my god um time is ticking we got one we're officially on the board um um oh my god um I can't think of anything P Sexy things To start with P

Oh my god Five seconds You got this Oh my god I don't know what lingerie Starts with P Photos Pony fans

Did you say Pony fans I think she said pony fans We can't accept pony fans but thank you for participating and that was okay it's just proof that sometimes you smoke too much weed and we say hi now to uh speaking of p pantyhose greg who's always high hi pantyhose greg fine i'm so stoned i'm in bed but is it okay if i keep my eyes closed i can't open them you can keep your eyes closed for stonagories uh pantyhose greg if anyone can do it you can

uh we are going to give you a letter in a category your category is celebrities your letter is s and go finally i got to have my no doubt experience but i also got to have my hot girl in vegas weekend experience well this is why i think it's interesting because ali if you're new to the show she ali's married to a woman she's a gay lesbian and her wife went to vegas last weekend right a different trip with another woman with another woman not a quote sexual thing this wasn't one of those freaky vegas upside down pineapple situations although maybe it was yeah i actually don't know i didn't ask um but the plan was they both were going to vegas to see the same thing and to have very different vegas experiences but ally decided i'm going to go with my hot

cousin coco party cousin coco because she wanted to see no doubt too so we decided to divide and conquer so we didn't have to pay for a babysitter also i think you realized pretty early on that she is one of these people that just knows how vegas operates well she has been on many vegas trips and the vegas trips usually amount to arrive attend pool party take a break attend nighttime party till 6 a.m get a few hours of sleep repeat until sunday you know until monday morning early monday morning when they're like dragging their suitcases out of the hotel with clothes still hanging out of them trying to make it to the airplane and you learned pretty quickly even in the preparation for vegas that the way that she prepares for vegas as a hot chick is

very different than the way you prepare for vegas oh yeah i mean i had i was focused more on my pajamas than the rest of the those are the outfits that i can handle these flannels don't go with these flannels as a lesbian i must have matching flannels this one brings out my broad shoulders more so what what do we and i bet you they didn't even pack uh pajamas because they're used to just passing out of whatever cool thing they wore to the club she had a nightie i didn't realize those were like nighties yeah or teddies maybe they call them where are those pictures i saw i was monitoring your feed all for the weekend and jake was all freaked out because he thought you were posting pictures of your own ass but apparently it was coco's ass so yeah when we arrived i mean we

we got the uber from the airport together and the amount of luggage that she had versus what i had was, I mean, a massive gap. Two big suitcases is what she had. I had one carry-on. And she was amazed that anybody could travel to Vegas with just a carry-on. Is it true that you had all of your stuff packed in a handkerchief on a stick

and you traveled like a hobo, just hanging over the side? That was your luggage? Did you hitchhike to Vegas? Yeah. Actually, they tied mine to the top of the car. Right. And they put hers in the back.

Allie hopped in a train as it was rolling by. Got to be a hobo cart over to Vegas. Meanwhile, your cousin's flying with all sorts of stuff. I drove the Uber. Right. Got it. So we get to the hotel room. We have not even put our bags down.

And my cousin is already getting a phone call being invited to a pool party. We had been invited to two parties by the time we even got to the room. And let me ask you the question. In the history of all your times in Vegas up until this trip, how many times have you ever been invited to a party? Zero times is how many times I've been invited. I mean, it was as soon as we arrived. It was like, click, key card open, phone call. You guys got to come to Omnia Day Club.

It's brand new. It's effing sick. You got to get out of here. I got a table. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Just get over here. And I'm already thinking, I'm not ready for this.

I wanted to go to the lobster shack. Yeah. I'm starving. I was starving. Yeah. So she goes, it's okay. We don't have to go to the full bar. I need some deep fried cod.

Anyone else in the mood for some deep fried cod right now? Or is that just me? Anyone in the mood for fish breath? So then we proceed with our plans, which entails getting ready and going to the Cosmo for dinner and drinks. She proceeds to take out, I'm not kidding you, 10 different bags that are all getting ready bags. There's a hair bag. There's a makeup bag. There's all these bags.

And I'm like, oh, I forgot my bobby pins. And she takes out one bag just full of bobby pins, different pins. Yes. then she breaks out the tape there is tape that she's putting under her eyes to get her face ready for the makeup process i didn't know that the process involves tape but that's she's getting out scotch to start getting ready actual scotch tape scotch tape she's taping her face up she's taping her face up then she starts getting out the leg makeup and makeuping her legs and she goes you're not you don't put makeup on your legs i'm like no i didn't know we were even doing that

So then she has to walk around bare-assed for about 20 minutes while her leg makeup sets. You do put on, you're saying that white powder all over your legs, that's just natural? That's just pasty white legs, so yeah. I thought you had someone rolling on the white stuff. That's American-made pastiness. I thought like when they chalk the football field before the game, that's what they do to Allie's legs before she goes out in public. Then she starts heating up eyelash curlers with a flat iron to like singe her eyelashes curled in a way that I've never seen before. She was teaching me new methods of how to curl my eyelashes

and starts putting wax, physical wax, in my eyebrows and does the amount of fading and blending that happened. I could not believe it. The makeup getting ready process was two hours long. Two hours to even leave the room. Then after two hours, we had to do a photo shoot of the outfits because that's part of the getting ready process is taking the pictures. And this is something you've never done in all of your time to Vegas.

Getting ready for you usually means just... minutes tops right is that my birkenstocks all right i'll put it on and then you're out it's not this then oh wait that's your birkenstock i'll wear it we're getting our our birkenstocks i've got two left birkenstocks i'm ready to go that's a that's a standard you're getting ready to go and now you're experiencing what it's like for a hot chick our dinner reservation was at 7 30 we started getting ready at 5 we were almost late for our dinner reservation that sounds about I could not believe it. So then we go to dinner.

We have drinks. We got invited to a club, but the club thing wasn't even going to start happening until 1.30 in the morning. I said, I can't do it. I got to get some sleep. We wake up. We get ready for the pool party, which is a totally different getting ready process and involves glitter and bronzing. Once we do that, get to the pool party. We, by the way, did not have to pay to see John's Summit whatsoever.

It was $175 for girls to get in. We paid not one dime. Well, what do guys get forced to pay for that? $500 for a guy? If they went without a table, it was $225 just to get in. Jesus Christ. But if you got a table, it was thousands of dollars. Of course.

And my cousin was like, don't worry, we will get in without paying. And she proceeded to press her luck up until the very last minute, to which point five different guys decided to split a table and invite all of us to go hang out at the table for free. how many free alcohol everything did she did she go when she was wheeling and dealing with the situation are you hidden in the corner like and then she and then these guys agree to it and then she goes and now here's my cousin i was well we were in a hotel room talking to like a shell game and she was the one going well what are we going to do what are we going to do i was just sitting

there on the bed going just don't talk i was just sitting there trying to like position myself in a sexy way and lean back and be like and then your inner monologue is saying well it is John Summit like I don't know any of this and you're saying don't say anything don't blow this alley I didn't talk yeah I just tried not to talk hey that mute girl over there bring her along she might like the pool

but it's fine because I don't think they really want to talk anyway no they just want to be around hot people yeah there's not a lot of talking that's why it's just like look at you okay you're a six or a seven okay you're fine you can come it's all the music is so loud there's no no need for it's a lot of socializing each other's ears uh oh you're married okay oh you're okay i should know okay it's a lot of that yes exactly so then we pick up five or six other women on the

way to the pool party to the point where now we have a group of about 10 to 15 people that are going to this table and how did all these women know each other nobody knew each other really and oh there were girls there were girls coming up to me hi honey hugging me putting their hands all over me and I'm like who are you right and she's like I'm celebrating my 21st birthday and I'm like oh my god what is going on here we're all taking pictures together you have the right spf on for the pool they're all taking shots then it's crazy to see other people work in the scene at the pool party like there is an ugly girl which I could I was like okay here's the uggo girl she's walking around with a hotter girl because she knows the hot

girl's gonna get invited you're looking at are you just looking at your own story she is using her hot friend to get access to tables to get free drinks they're bottle pirates it's is that what they call them it was a thing of beauty i couldn't believe she was like oh my god my friend blah blah blah shot shot shot okay let's move on go move over to other tables while we were at that table kate my cousin gets approached by somebody else going hey my client over there would like you to go join his table. Oh my God. So she's getting invited to better tables while she's at a current table.

And what happens with you? Does she say, yes, I'll go, but here's my, you have to bring this one too? Well, I was strategically placed in the shade to avoid overheating. I was getting very bloated and clammy. You won't like her when she's splotchy. So they put you in this, did you get moved from table to table as well? No, no, no. No, they actually walked up to her while I was standing right there.

Can you help us move this table, ma'am? We're KROQ, Klein Alley Show. If you need us, love the interaction. Usually that's why we have a GOAT line for you at 844-956-GOAT. That number still works because we take care of the bill on that one. But the big corporate shills here, they sadly could not pay the phone bill. So we have a new number and just a reminder because a lot of people are texting us and saying, I can't remember how to interact with you guys today.

And that's why we're doing this live show. It's one of the many things that separates us from all them podcasts out there is that we're doing this in real time and you can interact with us. And that number is, once again, 3-2-3-8-4-7-2-6-5-4. 3-2-3-Tip Bully. Spell it out, you'll see that's B-O-L-I. Yeah, with an I, with an I. 3-2-3-Tip Bully.

Lock it in your mind when you need it, you'll remember. Tip Bully with an I. Someone said, I only want to go to Coachella this weekend so I can see the Tip Bully singers. They are not performing at Coachella. I would lose my mind if the Tip Bully singers came out during Justin Bieber. We did decide to take all of the efforts that normally we would reserve for our big special shows, like our 420 show or our Cinco de Mayo plans, and we decided to waste them all on these dumb jingles to remind you about this new, very temporary number that could be gone by the end of the show today. Here's another one for you. Like silence got a price

All these missed calls stacking up on the other side of the line Now it's 3-0-3, tip-ball it Spell it right, that's B-O-L-I New code for the ones that know me Call it back, call it back this time 3-0-3, tip-ball it Write it big on the break room sign New life in a string of digits

Tip Bully with an I There you have it. That's like Youngblood. That was Youngblood. Oh my God, he did it? He collabs with everyone. He loved mentioning chocolate. He's so much energy.

Chocolate factory sitting on his gold throne. Tip Bully with an I. It's mental. These Tip Bully jingles are all bangers. And there's the number if you need to interact with the show. So, you know, the sad reality is that the company is so broke that they couldn't pay the phone bill, which is why we have this new phone number, 323-847-2654. Tip Bully, dude.

It's 323-Tip Bully. Three, two, three, Tip Bully. Spell it out, you'll see that's B-O-L-I. Yeah, with an I, with an I. Three, two, three, Tip Bully. Lock it in your mind when you need it, you'll remember. Tip Bully with an I. And we spent way too much energy and time

getting these memorable jingles together so you could call us on this new number. Three, two, three. Tivoli. Say it with a smile, easy as can be. Three, two, three. Tivoli. That's B-O-L-I.

With an I. With an I. Because we want to make sure that you can call us when you want to claim your Coachella tickets or you want to win your way to Monster Jam. And then we spent all of this time and even Youngblood helped us out. People on the text line were asking,

which is still 805-201-067, by the way, but if you text in, a lot of people were requesting an album full of Tip Boley songs. I have some sad news to report to you right now in this exact moment. Tip Boley is no more. No!

Our 800 number is up and running again, The number that you've known for a long time And they finally took care of the bill It was a few months past due So you can now reach us at 800-520-1067 The tip bully still won't work at all? That's a good question, Jay

Can we still just use tip bully? Well, we can't because we're officially now Going to play you the sad final jingle No! The end of our tip bully run Here we go Email came through today Overdue bills all paid

Temporary lines retired Three, two, three, tip, bully, expire R.I.P. tip, bully, done your part Hail the cause, played your part No more rings, no more light Chocolate factories, corporate card, made it right You were the fix when Odyssey failed Now your number's been derailed

R.I.P. to all you done Hell, the calls played your part No more rings, no more light Chocolate factories, corporate card made it right There you go. She's still going. I thought that was it. She's like, Joel.

So anyway, it's been quite a run for the last 24 hours with the new number, but we're back to 800-520-1067. We will miss you forever. R.I.P. Tip Bowling. You were a part of us for such a short time, but such a lasting impact. Yeah, it really is going to stay with me. I've heard this complaint come from probably everyone on the show at least once I don't mean anything by it

I just feel like we waste a lot of time by doing quote pleasantries and you guys have all accused me specifically when I'm on the phone and the phone call is over I do not I do not loiter I just end the call I just sit there

oh yeah man it is shocking the first time that it happened to me it was so abrupt I'm like what happened I thought we got disconnected he does it in person too he'll just walk out of the room in the middle of the conversation It's not in the middle. The conversation has clearly hit a wind down point. It's over in your mind.

Yeah, you decide when it's over and you start like peering out the door and you're like, all right, yeah, well, I got to. And then you'll pick up another conversation in the hallway like, hey, hey, Jim, how you doing? How you doing, Jim? I don't know. You've got a weird. Why don't you change into a goomba?

Jim, what are you doing? This guy. I feel like in the same way that when I leave a party, I don't. You just leave. I just leave. There's no need for fanfare. I'm not going off to war. I'm just leaving, going to my bed, maybe going to stop and get a pizza.

I don't need a whole. I don't mind that in a public setting. Oh, so that you don't mind because I've been told that people don't like it, that I just leave without saying goodbye. Well, there are times where in an event, I'm just wondering where you are. And I think we're supposed to do something else together. I'm gone. I know, but I don't know that. Nobody knows that but you.

So that we spend at least five to ten minutes going, where's Klein? And until I break it to everyone that you've probably left. As you know, I don't like fun. And if I start to have fun, I immediately remove myself from the situation. And I also start thinking about all of the stresses of getting home or whatever. So that's usually why I just exit. And more often than not, when you tell someone you're leaving, they never just go, okay, goodbye. they always try to convince you why you should stay oh my god last night we had friends over

and they were leaving for about 25 minutes right see how much time is wasted there i don't i don't get that all starts with a goodbye that all that uh unnecessary 25 minutes of fanfare that's all if you just sneak out the back door i think there were like five hug rounds yeah most people don't notice so much that's the reality is most people they really don't know no one knows how to say goodbye though but you just leave that's it you don't need a hug you don't need a high five you don't need uh let's do this again soon you just yeah i sneak out and then the next day someone will say hey good seeing you last night whatever happened and you know i don't know i just left okay you know it's not a big deal but it's not it's like it's less fun if i'm not there well

on the phone is different because you would assume that you both agree the phone call is over and see you later it's kind of a respect thing but you don't really do that you you kind of do instead of saying goodbye you go yeah he does that trail off thing yeah all of a sudden he's gone and sometimes he throws in and i love you i love you so here's the thing i have been i've heard you guys loud and clear and i heard my mom who said the same thing and apparently she was bitching one of my sisters about how i was not used to it by now because everybody here i think got used to it yeah but i'm so used to it she says i don't even know anymore when i talk to him if he's there or gone like she just sometimes she just keeps i think sometimes she's just talking to

a phone for a while and then i'm i'm gone and i don't hear any of it anyway the mailman was like nothing important being said trust me but the point is i am now and my wife said it too she said you know it's very one of the things she really wants me to work on this is one of those stupid couples therapy goddamn exercises is one of the things she would like me to quote work on is not just hanging up on her in the middle in her words in the middle of her talking about her thoughts or whatever so i now have to do is that the way she worded it i wasn't listening but it was something about it's the thing i'm supposed to be doing this week particularly is i now need to like i mean this part feels painful as hell because i tried it yesterday but like we're

on the phone and i'm like okay and this is normally i would say and hang up whatever i do and instead i go i'm done now i have nothing left to say do you have more you'd like to say and she's like why are you saying that i go i think i'm supposed to do this is now a good time for a goodbye and she's like why are you being so weird and i said i'm i'm just i'm just honoring the goodbye protocols oh man you really don't know how to just say all right i gotta go yeah see you later if i say i talk later if i say i get home if i say i gotta go there's always a follow why it's always it's not it's really yeah oh yeah why do you gotta go So do you think that if you didn't say goodbye or didn't hang up, you would just be on the phone forever?

Yes. Okay. Yeah, it would never end. Until the phone died. I've heard you, actually a couple days ago, I heard you on the phone with your wife and then you muted her as she was talking to talk to me. Yes. Yes, that's right. She was still talking.

I do that. People do that. And you were like, anyway, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, isn't she still talking? Yeah, she was going and she was talking about something. I don't know. But yes, I knew it was going to be long. And then you'd like chime back in and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll pick her up at four. Anyway.

Because she's stream of consciousness She's just saying her thoughts And then there's lag time of just saying nothing It's a lot of thoughts It's very verbose There's a lot of words She's just word vomiting There's not a lot of substance to the words

I'm very like Who, what, where, when, why That's it, hit me with that Kids gotta be picked up where, when And then you say, okay, bye right yeah i say if i okay bye and then what i would like to say and then she'll say something along the lines of like oh do you have to do joe do you have to go and that's the answer is what are we doing here we're gonna see each other when we get home right do i have to go is like

no i don't have to but what else what else is there to accomplish in this conversation and i feel the same way with most of the people that's why i'm a big fan of texting only and i don't really know you call you do call sometimes you and her call each other and i don't barely ever talk to my wife on the phone but yeah i called you yesterday uh right because we're talking about vanessa bad stuff only and um and i think uh i said my thing you said your thing and then i just uh i i don't even remember what happened i think we both just hung up i think we both hung up because now i've just learned to hang up as well okay i was gonna say that Now, if Klein calls me, I don't even say bye either.

I was like, this is how he likes it. Yeah, I don't necessarily want you to change that. People are trying to beat me now on the hang-up, which is a great move. Totally true. I think we're probably saving hours a week. Once you say okay, we go, ah, okay. Then I hang up on you. Okay, that's your—

Because that means you're out of things to say. Unless you know you're checked out, and I'm like, all right, Johnny, wrap it up, because he's going to hang up on you right away. We're all rushing. Omar, how does it sound to you? I just heard Ali's impression how does it sound from your I'm curious as to

I don't think I'm doing this but apparently I am you have like a mini stroke it sounds like you were talking and then click and how does it sound to you Vanessa literally like that alright

alright I think I try to fake as if I'm going into a bad cell zone This is what you do. You fake like there's something else happening right now. You got to go. There's another dog in the street. But I don't fake that there's something else I have to go.

Just the call. Just say bye. Okay. I'm sorry you all feel this way. Let me try this again. I don't want it to change. You just be, do you. Is our conversation over now?

Or would you like me to say. Do we have to go? I think we do actually have to go. We actually do. We're out of time. I love you, bye So she doesn't know That's what I get it for

Goodbye We are re-listening to some of the commercials that we brought you On KROQ over the years Either to make fun of each other, to mock each other Or just because we are stupid And the one that we share with you today Is a commercial that actually never aired Because it was one of the

I actually thought this was a fake one that you guys had me do It turns out it was a real product And they wanted me to do an audition Oh, this is great It's not great. It's great. It's not great. I don't think we've even heard the sentence in entirety on the live show.

I think we listened to some of it on Showbertime, and you guys all made fun of me for it, because I thought this was a prank, and apparently it was not. It's a real thing, but I never got the endorsement, so I don't know if they just decided I wasn't the right guy for them or not, but this is another one of the commercials that we did bring to you. You weren't the right Derm dude. I was not the right guy, but this is a real commercial that I tried to actually get and did not. It's the age-old question.

is your nut sack happy if you're not now that's the beginning of it i i didn't go a rogue on this i pretty much stuck to the script for the most part so it said would is this the age-old question i think i may have that may have improvised that part but i i thought that uh about halfway through i thought you guys were messing with me and then i turned it in and they said it was real so it's the age-old question is your nut sack happy if you're not sure or you answered no then you should check out happy sack nut love cooling ball cream that's right no more chafing or itching so you You wanted this endorsement? No, I didn't want...

Omar, the answer is... Obviously, you did, because you sent it in. What? Because, like, I would read that, and I would say, no, I'm not reading this. Well, I said... I am out. It's because you have plenty of money. I said to them, yeah, because you've got investment properties.

No. I don't have investment properties, so I've got to do ball cream, all right? I think I just have standards, man. I'm sure someone out there listening needs this stuff, so if I can help someone, it's worth it. Formulated to keep your balls feeling cool, refreshed, and most importantly, smelling fantastic. I'm sure by now you've seen some of their viral videos, some of their many celebrity endorsers.

And now, this hairy man right here, Klein, is jumping in to remind you that just because you're a man doesn't mean your body can't use some upkeep. And I'm not just talking about the ballgasmic sack wash with activated charcoal that absorbs odor and dirt from your man parts. Or the beardgasmic shampoo and conditioner. And from their holy foot cream to take care of your stank foot to their nuclear bomb brightening tattoo aftercare, DermDude has made it their mission to make you a better looking and smelling dude. And you deserve that. That's why they're recommended by real dudes, including NASCAR driver Spencer Boyd, retired Navy SEAL Clint Emerson, and country legend L.V. Shane, who says, quote, Dermdude keeps

my tattoos popping and my balls cool, even when I'm sweating it out on stage in front of packed crabs. To learn more, make your balls instantly happier, go to DermDude. Anyway, I didn't get the- That guy's tattoos are popping, man. I didn't get the- And his balls are smelling great on stage. Is your nutsack happy?

All right, thank you. That will not be one of the commercials you see on Sunday. If you answered I don't know or no, listen to this. All right, well, there you have it, another one of our many commercials. We're still technically all alive in our forced resolutions. Mucho gusto. Allie's learning the Spanish. Jake had to pick up a new hobby.

and this hobby that we forced him to do is crocheting. ¿Dónde está mi boleto? And Allie has been really trying to learn a lot of Spanish, which for some reason is... Mi pasaporte está en el hotel. She's never seemed whiter than when she's trying to speak Spanish, which is very strange.

Omar has been taking us through moments of mindfulness. He's celebrating the hippy-dippy lifestyle. Namaste. Yeah, it's clearly changed all of our personalities. Mucho gusto. Vanessa's freaking out behind the scenes It's because she has been digital detoxing, and she has no idea what's happening now on TikTok. She hasn't bought anything on the TikTok shop in weeks.

Her screen time has dropped so drastically, it's out of control. Yeah, but Vanessa, you've been saying that you're starting to forget about TikTok. I am. I do feel like I'm missing out on what my girls are doing, but it's okay. Yep. She's got no idea what's happening in the world, which is for the better. I've got about nine different side hustles that I have officially begun at this point. Yeah, some people are saying you really need to pick one and move forward.

I have a lot. And Allie, I'm going to tell you right now, I don't want to go into mine now because we don't have time, but I just put in an offer yesterday on an old pickup truck that I'm going to, I think, turn into a mobile pizza truck. Oh my God, that is such a massive project. Yeah, I know, but it's pretty cool. And the guy is- How are you going to do that? You have to build a whole pizza oven in there? I have a pizza oven that I can use and put in the back of the truck.

Oh man, that is going to be janky as hell. No, it's not. I already did a lot of the research on it and I already have the domain LA pizza truck. Boom. That was not taken? Nope. And it could also be referred to in your language as La Pizza Truck. So there you go.

I got that going for me. And Pizza Truck. So that's one of a few. I got about four different things I got going right now. I mean, I'm side hustling all over the place. It's a real waste of my time. Yeah, but you also, your palate is arriving soon. My palate is supposed to arrive today.

It's been pushed back a few times. And Jake. Jake's been busy crocheting, and here he is taking his first crochet lesson. He's just trying to make a little octopus. This thing, I think, was at a level seven, which means it should have been accomplished by a seven-year-old. oh is that how it works it goes in age levels I think so and

also I thought that you were just going to buy a thing a yarn and watch some YouTube videos I didn't know you were going to buy a whole ass kit with like those kids are super easy like my kids are really into crocheting right now they could knock out like a turtle like within an hour they're super easy oh yeah

I'm going to hire kids to do my thing listen to Jake Jake is struggling so badly okay Pinch the yarn end with your thumb and middle finger. Make a slip knot first. Place the hook on the right side of the yarn. Okay.

Yarn round hook. I think Jake just got this for the woman, if you know what I'm saying. Right? Can we all agree? The crocheting is the... Definitely Jake has a type. Yeah, Jake's type for sure. In a counterclockwise direction.

Yarn round hook. Pinch where the yarns cross with your thumb and middle finger. Yeah. Yarn round hook. yarn around hook pull the yarn through the loop on the hook Jake got really tripped up on yarn around hook yarn around hook

this is supposed to be the easiest part of it this is actually before you even start doing the real crocheting part and Jake couldn't figure this out pull the yarn tail to tighten the loop a slip knot is made make a chain stitch yarn around hook pull the yarn through the loop on the hook

hold on hold on Okay, that's a chain stitch. No, not okay. Yarn round hook. Jake is just self-pleasured of the video. Yarn round, no! Yarn round hook.

Hold on, I can't yarn round hook. The second chain stitch is done. I can't yarn round hook. Yarn round hook. I can't yarn round hook. Okay, the third one is done. Not okay. yarn round hook

not yarn round hook oh f***ing christ repeat repeat yarn round hook yeah yeah yeah yarn round hook I can't yarn round hook

okay continue to work chain stitches in the same way hang on start over working into a chain how many times did you do this the thing he's trying to make is so little it is so it's not oh it's like it's like it's like a keychain it's the size of a key

if you were this is just using my practice yarn uh yeah yeah they don't even grace you with a full thing of yarn they just gave me some practice strands so we can get going wrap the yarn around your fingers like this okay pinch the yarn end with your thumb and middle finger yeah make a Slipknot first. Place the hook on the right side of the yarn. Yarn round hook. Yarn round hook. Pinch where the yarns cross with your thumb and middle finger.

Got it. Yarn round hook. Yarn round hook. Pull the yarn through the loop on the hook. Okay. Pull the yarn tail to tighten the loop. Okay. A slipknot is made.

Sure. Make a chain stitch. Yarn round hook. Pull the yarn through the loop on the hook Okay Okay, that's a chain stitch Okay Yarn around the hook

Pull the yarn through the loop on the hook Okay The second chain stitch is done Alright Did you do it? Yarn around the hook Pull the yarn through the loop on the hook Okay

Okay, the third one is done Alright Jake, are you on the right pace now or no? I was doing it, yeah Did you figure out Yarn Round Hook? I think I got Yarn Round Hook.

Nice. Congratulations. Do you feel good that you've learned something? No. Oh. All right. Yarn Round Hook.

Yarn Round Hook. All right. He's so mad. Repeat. Don't people crochet because they think it's a great relaxing thing? It's supposed to be

very therapeutic. And Jake's just yelling, Yarn Round Hook! I got it! Yeah. Yarn Round Hook, mother f***er. Okay.

Well, Jake, congratulations. Thank you. You succeeded. What I mean looks very, very sad. Are you done with the octopus?

us? No. I was still on practice yarn. Yeah. Well, you got to finish up. It has to be a project a week has to be completed or else you're out. You're tapped. I don't know if I can do it in a week. It's very hard. You better yarn around hooking. Yeah. Yeah. You get to yarn around hooking, dude. If you were unaware of what's been happening here the last 24 hours, it's been kind of interesting and maybe you're a dog lover. Maybe you don't care, but you do have a decision to make if you see a dog roaming through the streets of Southern California traffic and you don't see anyone near the dog. Sometimes you see those weird joggers. You see a dog, you go, ah, loose dog. And then you see a guy jogging behind you realize there's a couple times as you know i failed to

try to save dogs there was the time i saved what i thought was a dog about to walk into the street only to realize it was an art installation and it was not a real dog it was a statue of a dog is that statue still there by the way no they moved it i don't know if they're moving it around from place to place but i remember i only twice was fooled by it and uh never again so that time i did not successfully do it one time i saw what i thought was a rogue dog went to get the dog and then the person yelled hey hands off my dog usually it's a failed steal a dog uh and then there was uh you know kind of what what took place yesterday which was driving uh to work and uh shooting that stupid uh video that we were doing for the i don't know whatever you want to

call it ally the apparently you're just self-pleasured as well earlier in the morning because i was up with like three in the morning and i did that to try to fall back asleep and it didn't work but anyway this was me uh you know in the middle of doing a stupid tiktok video and then i saw the dog dart across the street and then basically walk up and down the the middle lanes of 6th Street yesterday morning to make you thrive instead of just surviving your relationship. And it doesn't matter if you've been dating for a few months or maybe you've been married for a decade. This will absolutely give you a better...

Oh, Jesus Christ. A dog. A dog. Hold on. I've got to save a dog. Hold on. Hold on. It's me trying to stop cars from all directions.

Dog's in the middle of the street. Hold on. And I turn the car sideways, block traffic. Everyone's mad at me. get out and get the dog into the building here and then this dog spent most of the day yesterday with us terrified and then after the show we had to make a decision we were unable to track down the owner this thing had no collar on it we made the decision that someone would have to take it to go see if it had a microchip in the dog and we assumed it probably would because it seemed like

it had a vest on it seems like it was someone's dog not a complete stray english cocker spaniel brown one well you know looked like somebody's dog didn't just look like a random stray so uh We said to Jake, Jake, you're single. You love dogs. You have a rescue dog. You have a shack. Any chance you want to help us with the dog? And Jake said, no, can't do.

No way, no how. What was your excuse, Jake? I already have a dog. And I was busy. Doing what? Napping. He's got a nap schedule. I had a nap because I had a show last night.

I was going over my day yesterday, which involved taking my kid to the pediatrician, taking another kid to some sort of a practice, therapy appointment, another, like nine things. And I was like, here's what I have. Jake, any chance you can help out? And he's like, I'm going to a show later tonight, and I've got a four-hour nap. So, impossible. That's very important. Hey, I helped.

I did more than you. So, Jake had a- I got the leash on it. Jake helped. If we didn't have the leash, none of this was going to happen. All right. Right. You did the leash.

So, Allie, who has another busy life, because Johnny and the dog bonded during the show yesterday. I said to Johnny, Johnny, any chance you want to take the dog? Yeah, and what was your excuse, Johnny? And Johnny's got no kids and no anything else. He's got a girlfriend. And Johnny said, I don't have a yard or something. He had some story.

He couldn't take the dog. Yeah, our house is on a hill. Like, we have no backyard or front yard. So, Johnny. You have no animals. You can keep it in the place. Also, you guys don't bring a big responsibility like that and try to pawn it off on your coworkers. We weren't trying to pawn.

We were trying to do the right thing for the dog. And once again, we were all trying to step up. So, of course. When Vanessa doesn't live in the area. Yeah, Vanessa is not allowed to have dogs in her place. Her place is a no dog place. Yeah. So, I decided.

Because you have too many walls. Well, and you explained that you had a lot of different things going on. you had a tough window to bring this dog to any kind of vet to get microchipped. I said, you know what? I'll take the damn dog. I'll take it with me, and I'll drop it off at the vet to see if there's a microchip. It happens that my wife and kid are out of town. I would have really enjoyed one day with no responsibility.

Yeah, we threw a big one on you. One window would have been nice, but I ended up getting the dog in my car and driving it to the vet. The last thing I said as Allie was going to the vet, because I called to make sure the vet would do microchipping. They said they do. I said, I guarantee you, Allie, this dog will have a microchip, and we'll be able to solve this mystery within 25 minutes. So I brought the dog in there.

How'd you do that? How'd you bring it in? With the leash. Jesus Christ, Jake. Enough with the stupid leash. It's such an insignificant part of the story. You know what? If you hadn't had a leash, we would have gone to Ralph's and gotten a leash.

We would have used a shoelace, Jake. It's not that big of a contribution to the story. We would have used any string. Anything at all could have been that leash. A belt. And by the way, every time we're doing anything with this dog, Jake keeps going, remember, bring back the leash. He was so annoying about this leash. It was like unbelievable.

Just take it at this point. I use the leash to get the dog out of the car. Thank you. The dog gets super freaked out in the vet. The person gets one of those little microchip readers. We're trying to get it on her back, and she starts freaking out and kind of nipping at both of us. They had to put a muzzle on the dog to get a proper read. She went up and down.

she used two different readers she said well if there's one thing i can tell you it's that this dog has no microchip and i and she was like but she's probably a stray maybe she's biting because she's just used to being out on the streets i was like i don't think so this dog has a vest on but i mean stray dogs just don't walk around the vests and i know vests right that's where ali's sweet spot is like well you're right about the vest and then she said i said well she said when people lose their dogs they immediately start calling shelters around the area and i said okay well, should I take the dog to a shelter? And she said, absolutely not.

Do not take it to a shelter. They're overrun with dogs. There's kennel cough. There's all kinds of things that this dog can catch by being at the shelter. By being with you. They didn't want the dog to catch kennel cough from out. So I was like, all right, now I'm stuck with the dog.

And by the way, I'm also starting to kind of like the dog because the dog is being more and more nice. It's starting to rub up against me. It seems very comfortable in the car. And we're calling the dog Dibbets because we don't have a real name for the dog. So we call the dog Dibbets because a bunch of listeners suggested yesterday. So Allie's calling the dog Dibbets. But Allie's kind of freaking out because she's got to bring the dog home.

She's got three cats. And she's got a bad situation. And two of the three cats have never even seen a dog in their lives. They don't know what's going on. So I bring the dog home. I bring it immediately into the backyard area. And it starts. I mean, it loves the backyard, loves being out there, sees my cat, starts barking, growling at the cat.

My cat does like a Looney Tunes level, like, while running into things on the way up the stairs. And they're thinking, what the hell, bitch? I was like, ah! So I then call my neighbor. I go, do you have any? She has three dogs. I'm like, do you have any dog food? I need, you know, something.

And a collar, another leash, because I have to get this stupid guy's, my co-worker's leash back to him. So I need another leash. Did you refer to Jake as my stupid co-worker? She said, sure, I'll bring over a leash. And keep it. That's what real leech people do. They don't care. I spend the whole afternoon in the backyard.

Actually, I ended up being kind of nice. Dogs laying around, having a nice time, and laying next to me. We're all bonding and everything. And then my neighbor comes over, brings over some food, goes, you know, there's this great resource called Dog Days Search and Rescue. And you can list your dog, the found dog, on all these different sites. So I start going through, listing brown dog, brown dog, found the dog, this is the area, et cetera. then 10 minutes later i get a phone call from this woman saying i'm calling about the dog that you just posted about on paw boost and there is another person that has posted about a brown

cocker spaniel that they have lost in that area and it's a boy dog and it's this kind of describes that i go well it can't possibly be this dog because this dog is a girl yeah there's one thing we know it's a girl because johnny checked and said it was a girl it wasn't me don't ask Vanessa told me, like, hey, it's a girl. It's a girl. Don't say that about me. Be careful what you say. Vanessa!

It was Jake that said it was a girl, and I was like, okay, it's a girl. Well, whatever. There's a lot of blame going around. It was Miss Jenner. I didn't want to flip the dog over and check its wiener. Because the doggy was, like, skittish. He was scared. Clearly, low-T Jake and low-T Johnny don't know what a penis looks like.

Clearly. So, they don't know. Mid-T, dude. His vagina looks like my vagina. so they got this lady dog they think and Allie goes can't be the same dog we only have a lady dog and then she goes okay well never mind well you know what I'll just text you the picture anyway she texts me the picture I go that is the dog wearing the exact same vest 100% that's the dog the dog is a boy the dog's name is Dolce and it seems that this woman is very desperate to get

her dog back it even says the dog has cancer needs medication every single day please we are so heartbroken and the two biggest words on the whole flyer were big reward big reward with dollar signs on either side and i thought to myself all right i am going to collect a big reward now and how much am i entitled to because i'm the one that did that that took over you started it but i finished it i saved the dog from oncoming traffic and uh and i rescued it and then you technically just put it i saved it from a shelter right i got it so we all did our part for the sweet big reward so i call this number and this woman call uh answers the phone i said do you have a brown dog a cocker spaniel is this the dog i send her a picture and she starts crying oh my god that's that's him

that's him that's dolce you are an angel i can't believe it where are you i'll come to you right now and she comes over and she picks up the dog this is some of that did you go i didn't even I noticed he had jumped. Isn't that crazy? I know. Oh my God, you're my angel. Oh my baby. Angel, angel.

It's your baby. I was so. It's your mama. I think she was talking to the leash when she said that. The leash is her angel. You're my angel if it hadn't been for this leash. It's your baby. I was so.

It's your mama. You are incredible. You and your friend. Bless your heart. Yeah. You have no idea. I thought that's it, this is it. This is the end of my life.

I'm so glad. Well, you know, my co-worker, he... Gave us the leash. Gave us the leash, and that's how this all... I was on his way in, he was almost at work, and he decided to stop and grab him. He's very happy. He was running all around.

Hey, Omar, are you crying? A lot of people want to know, because this is like those soldier reunion videos you like. Is this similar or no? No, her accent's throwing me off. You're not crying. It's not an American soldier, it's a French lady. There's no more violating feeling, I think, in the world

than when you realize that you have been scammed or you're in the process of being scammed. But then there's a feeling of empowerment when you can catch a scam as it's happening or even before. And maybe most people would have seen this offer I received last week for an amazing Yeti wagon. All I had to do was give my thoughts

about how Costco could be a better shopping experience. And I love me some Costco, so I was able to answer these questions. Was it saying that you were going to automatically win it or that you would be entered to win it? I was going to get it if I filled out the 10 question. But then, of course, And I did get through all the questions about Costco

And then it asked me for a lot of personal information Which made sense because they had to figure out Where to ship the cooler to But the wagon cooler But then I said this seems too good to be true Because it wasn't that intense I've done a lot of these I've done surveys before

What do you think of this car It's like a thousand questions They say it just takes a minute So this one felt like too easy They'd be bankrupt Why do you need my routing number to mail this to me Right. They did ask for a lot of information. Like, I think Social Security was involved, and then I looked it up.

And, of course, before I could even finish typing in Yeti wagon, it said Yeti wagon Costco scam. And I knew I was getting scammed. But I'd already given them a lot of information. Surprising you had to spell Yeti. So we decided, let's get into another round of Bamboozled and ask you the question, what is the last scam you encountered? And did you understand it was a scam, or did you give them way too much information? Bamboozled. A lot of people fall for the scam.

And now they're just like, damn. And then we're going to meet these guys that have created a website that sounds like a scam to try to keep you from being scammed, which is interesting because if you look at it now, they're smart. And they know, and especially with World Cup coming to L.A., Olympics coming here, and AI getting better and better by the second, the amount of scams that we will all be given and potentially fall for is going to be magnified increasingly by the day. And there are ones that you would think you're doing to prevent a scam that are now scams like CAPTCHA, you know, how that's like click all the bicycles and so hard. Right. You can't do it. Is that a stop sign? Why is it a European stop sign? I don't know. But now they're infiltrating that and they're trying to find a way to like basically con you into typing things on your computer that download a virus onto your computer. And I don't know about you, but I don't even look twice when it comes to, am I a robot? Click this, click that.

I'm just clicking to get through to the website. Because you want to prove you're not a robot. The last thing you want to do is a robot. Here's the CAPTCHA scam. Then we'll get your calls. This is what a real CAPTCHA authentication screen looks like. You'll often have to type in a sequence of letters and numbers that show up like this, or you have to select items from a grid of photos.

That's a crosswalk. I know it is. And then when they ask me again, I'm like, did I not do it the first time? But a new scam using fake CAPTCHA windows asking you to do a series of key combinations will allow hackers to run a program on your computer. Genius. I mean, it's just genius because I don't want to be accused of being a robot. I'm human.

And I'm like, that's right. I can type an eight. You can't do that. And how smart is there? Like, all they need to do is type in this sequence in this order and they'll be, quote, proving they're a human. Meanwhile, we'll have full access to their computer. Yeah.

And I wouldn't think about it at all. Wouldn't think about it. So that's something going on right there. Let's say hi to. I want to figure out what scams you were presented with, and were you able to get away from them, or did you fall for them? Like I did. Jack, what happened to you? Hi. Hey, I'm an insurance appraiser for damaged vehicles, and we get probably close to 70 emails a day. And I got one that said, see attached and get back to me.

Passcode to access the file is a sequence of these numbers. And I started to put in the numbers. I'm like wait a minute i have never seen this coming on three years of working for this particular company yeah they probably wanted access to your computer it's probably the same thing and i would i would have typed it all in when i get a passcode given to me i get very i feel very powerful oh i was given only see this document right i was given an attachment and a passcode i must enter this immediately encrypted because it's important how many uh how many did you get to like how close were you to actually going through with the whole thing i had like two more letters to punch in and then i was about to hit enter and then i was like wait a minute

this is weird so i stopped and then i contacted the company and they're like yeah please do not open that oh man that's funny he caught himself at the last possible second almost went for it uh let's say hi to hold on yeah what happened to you hi good morning hi good morning this is leonora hey leonora what's up we did it sweet dibs what happened so I was hired by a company online, and I worked for a month. I had a legitimate contract. An attorney looked at it, said it was fine. And at the end of the month when I was supposed to be paid with direct deposit, they took out $800.

No. So you got hired by an online job. You actually worked. You got a fake job. Yes. And you worked for the fake job. You worked for the fake job. But then they said, we need your bank information to send you your paycheck.

And instead, they took money. Correct. What kind of job was it? They were a French wine company. Start selling in California. I had conversations with these people. This is very important. Hello, this is a very real job.

Did they have accents like Allie or no? No. Okay, that should be your first tip-off right there. If they were real, they would have had accidents like that. Yeah, duh. So they hired you to work at a friend's. You should put in 40 hours of work on a fake job just so they could take her money. That sucks.

I'm sorry. I would be so mad at myself. Nikki, hi. Good morning. Good morning. What was the scam? I used to work in IT. Yeah, I used to work in IT.

I actually stopped a $6 million check once, but I've been out of work for about a year. And someone I met on the job board was like, I'll help you with a resume. We will get you this job. you know and she answered all the right questions and i fell for it she uh 190 later wells fargo was like yeah sorry about your luck you shouldn't have used bell like it's just for friends and family and she gave me like this terrible resume for somebody from like another country and just stop answering anything oh man it's the worst because when you're at your most desperate need a job whatever that is when you're most likely to fall for a scam i didn't have a good

wagon so when i fell for the wagon yeti wagon scam i was vulnerable because i was carrying stuff around like a sucker with my hand wagonless idiot wagonless idiot when i saw the opportunity to get a free wagon you better believe i jumped at that opportunity and they knew it they knew it john on k-rock what happened to you hi i got a call and a text with it looked really official from the county of los angeles saying i had a warrant out for my arrest for traffic something and i owed $1,200, but I can only pay it in crypto or Apple, and I'm an office of one, and I kept her on the phone for about two hours trying to just have some fun with her. You know, oh, I can't get this, or give me this number, that, or, and about two hours

until finally I asked her what color panties she had on, and then she hung up on me. Ah, that's the secret right there. And you wasted two whole hours with her? That's so long. I feel like, meanwhile, they probably robbed her whole house during that time. All right, let's get this over with. People seem excited. I don't exactly know why, but when Allie had this idea to figure out,

if she started doing it in the back office just for fun, she would look at things and say, I wonder if that's thicker than Klein's neck. I didn't realize that my neck has been getting thicker by the moment. I guess I always thought I had a big neck. Oh, I didn't think you did. No, not at all. Man, you look so much different than you did maybe just even two months ago.

Allie was looking at some old, I guess they were showing a rerun of our show from the YouTube, and she said your neck looks like it is doubled if not tripled in size in a short amount of time. Your neck looks like it's eat god damn it. Eat it.

Son of a bitch. These get the these get the greens. I only shot you one day. It's so funny. You're the last of me. Vanessa Vanessa accuses Jake of her catching his nervous poops.

Jake has clearly caught Omar's stutter. Yes. Yeah, no kidding. So one of you is going to catch this fat neck. So get ready. This is coming for one of you. Oh, my God. And I can't understand.

Look, I put on some weight. Sometimes it goes to my face. Sometimes it goes to my neck. Apparently every ounce of muscle I've put on has all gone to my neck, according to Howie. Does your family notice? Because, you know, when you live with somebody and you see them every day, you can't really tell the difference but they have to notice this um my wife is not happy at all i don't think she likes any of this no any of the health she hates she wants to be the healthy one she doesn't like

that i am uh working out or that i am trying to prolong my life or and i don't like it i'll be honest i don't like it either i don't like it either i may stop why are you doing it i was i was on a dangerous path uh started with that aura ring man the aura no it all to be honest It all started here with you guys, the snoring video where everyone was telling me I was going to die in my sleep. It freaked me the F out. And then that led me down a dangerous path. And then I realized that I have really – Before the – oh, the thing knows.

But I do nothing for my health. I mean, I still to this day – I mean, you know me. I have no self-restraint with pizza, with food, with drinking, occasional drug use. Don't sleep great. I mean, I'm clocking about four and a half hours a night. Wow. Not great sleep. So this is all, I mean, according to all scientists and experts, I am on a dangerous path.

Well, I think it's dangerous now for a different reason. Yeah, we're scared. You're eating dangerous amounts of protein, and your neck is getting dangerously large. Yeah, but... You're not going to be able to fit into any of your shirts. You're not going to be able to fit them over your head. But what about this guy? Hey, Climb.

My name is John Thickass, Thickass Nick Thomas. My members and I would like to invite you to our club. Maybe you'd become a member. Did you hear that? We are the Thick Necks of Southern California. I didn't even know that was a club that existed. We have a great time. We talk about necks.

We talk about girth. You will have to go through some qualifications. I'm not interested. Measuring you. I don't want to be in any sort of a neck club, sir, but thank you. Other people on the text line are asking if I'm the new throat goat now. No, I'm not. That's Allie's mom's title.

Throw goat. So Allie has come up with this game, and a lot of people on the phone want to play it. I don't exactly know why, but I think we have a prize up for grabs. And it's time to get into this game. I've never seen you guys work so hard on something. Omar has an intro. Allie's got a game. And here we go.

Everybody has put in an effort. All right. Is it thicker than Clyde's neck? Neck! Is it thicker than Clyde's neck game? Allie, how does the game work? Well, if you want to play, you just pick a category. And then I will give you something, and you have to guess if it is thicker than Klein's neck.

Very simple. The categories are food and beverage, sports, and other necks. Go, go. Right. And why did we bring in a bowling pin and a giant handle of rum in here out of curiosity? Is this part of the game? Yes. These are two of the objects in person.

So if you want to follow along on YouTube, you can see, get a visual, and you can give a more educated guess. All right. Someone said I'd like to give Klein a hickey But it would take me three years Thank you, text line, for the jokes For example, this is not in any category A woolly mammoth's tusk The tusk of a woolly mammoth

Is a tusk of a woolly mammoth Thicker than my neck And by the way, if you're going to play the game Klein's neck, when we measured it Was 18.12 inches in circumference So all the way around is 18.12 inches. That's impossible. I bet you he was probably like a 14 before or something like that.

Yes, I think that's normal neck territory. Yeah, I'm at 14. By comparison, I think Vanessa's neck is like an 11 or something. I think you have... Yeah, Vanessa's 11, Johnny's at 15, I'm at 14. Omar, you measured your neck recently? I'm about a 17. Really?

Oh, Omar. You're kind of a meaty looking guy. Yeah, you're thick. Yeah, you're thick. Yeah, please Contestant one I'd have to assume that the woolly mammoth tusk is thicker than my neck Those are like the biggest

Really? Come on The average circumference of a woolly mammoth tusk is between 12 and 18 inches So you are just above that Alright, Rich, Pasadena, you know the rules of the dumb game So whenever you're ready, pick your category Yeah, what category do you want? Would you like food and beverage, sports, or other necks? Sports.

Sports. Okay. Great. An NFL field goal post. In this case, it would be the uprights of the field goal post. Is that thicker than Klein's neck? No. You're talking about the uprights, not the base at the bottom.

The uprights. Okay. Yeah, the uprights, I would say no. You think my neck is thicker than an NFL field goal upright? Is that really a serious answer? Definitely. Do you want to guess as well, or should I just forgive you? I can't, once again.

I think it's less. My neck has got to be less. No, your neck is more, for sure. My neck is more than an NFL upright where the ball doinks off the thing and the whole thing shakes? I would be surprised. Those things are huge. Well, prepare to be surprised.

Rich is correct. Really? The average circumference of the uprights of an NFL field goal post are between 9.42 and 12.57 inches. Oh, man. My neck smokes those. Way bigger. Man, it'd be a lot more goings off my neck. You're also bigger than the base as well.

I am? Like the horizontal. The crossbar? Yeah, the crossbar, yes. My neck is thicker than an NFL crossbar. Yes. Wow. So, Rich, you're on the board.

You got that one correct. Is it thicker than Clyde's neck? Neck! We say hi to contestant number two. Is my neck going to be thicker? Is everything going to be... Is my neck going to be thicker than everything? No, no, no.

There are things that your neck is not as thick as. Part of mine. The planet Pluto. Mark and Encino on KROQ Good Morning. The dwarf planet Pluto. And then three dibs. Sweet dibs. Okay, what's your category?

Food and beverage, sports, or other necks? I'm going to go other neck. Okay, great choice. the neck of an adult male mountain lion. Is it thicker than Klein's neck? That's just so stupid. I mean, really? Klein, as a fellow 18-inch necker,

I'm going to say your neck is thicker than a mountain lion. Wow, you're saying thicker. Okay. Do mountain lions even have necks? I feel like their head goes right into their bodies. Oh, no. Oh, no. All right, so he believes that, once again,

that your neck is thicker. My neck is thicker than an adult male mountain lion. What do you think before I reveal the answer? Once again, I have to believe it's the mountain lion. In this case, yeah, Mark, you are incorrect. Oh, thank God. An adult male mountain lion has an average neck circumference of 21 inches. Yeah, because if you look at one of these things, sure, they have a neck.

I think everyone has to have a neck. But I believe their head goes right into their shoulders. Have you ever seen a mountain lion? Yeah, that's pretty graphic. Finally. But, I mean, I barely squeaked by that thing. That's scary how close I am to an adult male mountain lion. Three more inches and you're there.

Well, give me another month. When are we doing the summer starts June 21st, and then I'm going to stop this. You've got to thin out your neck. You're going to be all neck. It's an all-neck summer, baby. Just go neck to legs. Roman in La Habra, welcome to K-Rock in Ali's Game. Calls it thicker than Klein's neck.

It's thicker than Klein's neck. Neck! Yeah. Go ahead, Roman. Pick your category, food and beverage, sports, or other necks. I'm going to go with other necks, please. All right, we'll stick with other necks. The neck of a bass cello.

A bass what? A bass cello neck. A cello. Those big, giant cellos. Oh, a cello. The neck of a cello. That you play. That you play, yes.

What do you think? I'm going to go that Kline's neck is larger. Yeah, you would be correct on that. Actually, a bass cello is only a max of about five inches in circumference. so you're about three cellos. Great. Thanks for putting it that way. Neck of a cholo.

You don't have to max it. Neck of a cholo is also Klein's is bigger. I'm a torto. Remember that. Get it straight. They say that if you are not good at anything, you can go into radio, and that's why we surround ourselves with experts

in various fields for the AMA because they have made it their life's mission to learn about things that will make us feel smarter. Just to be truly good at one thing or one subject. This guy Jason, also known as the germ guy, Jake's already upset because he claims that Jake is the germy guy. The germiest guy we know is Jake. And the germ guy is not germy.

He just knows a thing or two about germs. And the ones that are bad, the ones that are going to get us sick, the ones that will eventually potentially kill us all right now. You've got that thing happening on the cruise ship with that weird rat poop germ that's going around, Allie. Hauntavirus. Hauntavirus. Hentavirus, whatever.

But this guy is the author of multiple books, including The Germ Code. I don't think it's Henta. The Germ Files. And he probably knows how to say the name of that virus the right way. So it's time for any question you've ever wondered about germs as we bring you to a new AMA Klein Alley show with Jason, the germ guy. Good morning, Jason. Well, hello there. Thank you for being on with us to answer questions.

Let's start with the obvious one, which is what is the dirtiest thing currently probably in this radio studio? Oh, goodness. I have been in so many radio studios, and you're sitting on it, that chair, no one ever vacuums it, no one ever cleans it. And, well, we know what happens after you've had too many burritos, right? So, yeah, that chair is probably the dirtiest thing that you've got, or the germiest. You know, a lot of the chairs in this studio have mystery stains. Lots of them. From previous radio shows, and we can confirm that they have been festering for many years.

But I would think the microphones are pretty disgusting as well. No, actually, believe it or not, the microphones are probably going to be relatively safe because they're really nice hard surfaces. And what's going to happen is things are going to dry on them and the bugs are eventually going to die. So viruses like four to eight hours and a couple of days for, you know, bacteria and stuff like that. So unless you are literally putting it inside of your mouth and no one ever wants to do that because it just sounds so carpool, then, yeah, you don't really have much to worry about. We've got questions pouring through on the text line for you. And I know you get asked a lot of things, but primarily you wanted to point out that us as humans, we don't wash our hands the right way ever.

And I thought that was something that we got better at doing during COVID. But like Allie, for instance, has admitted that when she's at work, she will actually, excuse me, when she's at home, she will not even wash her hands after going to the bathroom because she says that's her right because it's her house. And at work, sometimes she'll just run the water to make it. No, I will wash at work. Okay, but at home, I don't see a point, especially just for number ones. I mean, Jason, what do you think?

I mean, if it's your own germs, if it's your own house, I like to say it this way. If you know what the germs are going to be in wherever you are, then don't worry too much about it. So if you're doing a number one and it's your own bathroom and no one else is using that bathroom, I feel sorry for you if that's the case, then, you know, then there's no problem. But if it's a number two, then, yeah, I really recommend that you be, you know, washing those hands with the soap. Make sure that you, you know, say the alphabet backwards or sing happy birthday twice when you're soaping it up. You know, the usual stuff. And you're right.

Since COVID, people have just seemingly forgotten about it. I remember being asked, like, six months into COVID, so is everyone going to wash their hands, Jason? No, no. Yeah, people just don't like doing it for some reason. It's not entertaining enough. They need to put TVs by the sink or something. Well, it's just a waste. I just like it's just a waste of time, even though I know it's not.

But it's not a waste. But is Jason now I feel like every article we read about this is the dirtiest thing on a plane. This is the dirtiest thing in a hotel. It's now 20,000 times dirtier than a toilet seat. Why is a toilet seat is always the comparison. And it's now the toilet seat, the cleanest thing ever. Well, it's just because back in 1976, there was this one study that actually showed that toilet seats were, in fact, germy. But they weren't really all that germy because the study actually showed that it was your toothbrush that was a hell of a lot germier because of the plume that was coming out of the flush toilet if you didn't keep the lid down.

But the fact is, everything is going to be germier than a toilet seat. Well, now I think, what do you think the dirtiest thing in, like, what is the germiest thing in the world now? Because I always thought it was money, cash, but it's probably our phones, right? Phones are going to be incredibly dirty, but nothing is ever. okay there are two things that are the germiest places in the world and they all both happen in your home the first one is your kitchen sponge that thing has trillions and trillions of bacteria in it and the other one is your toothbrush and that has millions and millions and up to billions of them i'm glad you bring that up because our first question uh on the phones from casey uh

714 go ahead you're on with the germ guy you have a toothbrush question it's not a question it's more of a statement i thoroughly agree with ali very common for lesbians to share toothbrushes so if your cootie king says differently it's a hate crime all right so here we go so casey is a lesbian ali is a lesbian ali does share a toothbrush with her wife not on a regular basis we've done so a couple of times in a pinch as a germ expert uh how gross is this well i mean if you're sharing saliva on a regular basis then it's not that big of a deal but if you happen to be sharing yeah well i mean come on we already know this and believe it or not depending on who you're kissing and how long you're kissing you may even be able to shape the microbiome of

the individual with you so yeah i mean if you're a swap and spit no problem at all for sharing those toothbrushes but if you happen to be sharing a toothbrush with someone who's not intimate with you i really would not recommend doing the germ guy is on with us right now answering all questions about germs this question from the 323 on the text line when hot tubs have signs saying please do not use if you've had diarrhea anytime over the past two weeks does anyone really go two weeks without having some sort of diarrhea and can that really get everyone sick well i mean if you've got your good probiotics that you're taking on a regular basis then you're not really going to have the diarrhea for uh anytime really because you kind of get everything bound up properly

But if you continue to eat foods that end up getting greasy and really high in fat, and sometimes red meat will also do that, and really high protein content, that's going to lead to things happening because the bacteria there are just like, oh, I don't like that. Throw some water, and all of a sudden you've got your diarrhea. That all being said, if you have diarrhea for two weeks after you've stopped, please do not go into any kind of shared water facility. Period. Don't leave the house. Sounds dangerous anyway. Anyway, what about, let's talk about communal platters, okay? We went to a little event, Klein and I.

There was a fruit platter on a buffet table. With tongs for serving. With definitely, you know, there was watermelon, cantaloupe, that kind of crap, strawberries. But then there was a thing of grapes. They were on the vine. I reached and I plucked off a couple of grapes with my bare hands and ate them. She raw dogged the fruit platter. Klein then thought that I was so disgusting that he couldn't even eat off of the fruit platter.

Do you think that Klein is being over paranoid or do you think I am gross for doing that? No, I think the touching has to go one way. So if you end up touching something and whatever you're touching comes with you, then there's really no problem. It's the type of people who are constantly touching all the other things going, well, I don't know. I might like this piece of melon or I don't know. This chip is looking good. And all of a sudden you've touched all the Cheetos and you're just like, oh, my God, why have you done that? That's when things get a bit weird.

And of course, as Seinfeld taught us many, many years ago, if you double dip, you are evil. Right. Well, that's why you're trying to keep the world safe, because things are getting more contagious now. We're having a harder time fighting it. We're always seeing about recalls that are happening. Mostly it's things like hysteria, salmonella and all these things that we can constantly get. And this thing that's happening on the cruise ship now, which they're saying is, you know, obviously deadly. This all starts. What do you know about this that we should know? yeah so i actually used to work with hantavirus uh many many years ago it's one of the few viruses that even scares me because once it gets inside of you uh you've got a 30 chance of dying right

off the bat and then eventually it goes up to about 50 and that's what we're seeing right now on the cruise ships um the hantavirus is um one of these viruses that gets inside of you and essentially instead of you know attacking your lungs or your uh nasal passages or your gastrointestinal tract that attacks your blood vessels, that's very bad. And that essentially leads to your heart failing as well as respiratory distress. And that's usually what ends up killing people. We've seen a couple of deaths already. Thankfully, they've been able to help a few others. It looks like it's stopped now. It doesn't look like there's any other cases that are happening. So hopefully that situation will be taken care of.

323 wanted to know, are hospitals so cold because they want to try and kill the bacteria? or is that just a myth? No, that's a myth. Bacteria, viruses, everything, they're really happy all the way down to minus 20 degrees. So you don't, yeah. Well, here's the funny thing. Heat kills bugs, right? So if you're over 161 Fahrenheit, you are definitely going to be killing everything. But if you happen to get colder and colder and colder, they're just like, oh, okay, that's pretty cool. And they go into either dormant phases or they go into phases where they protect themselves. And so basically going cold is not going to help you.

You always have to go hot. Urine is sterile, correct? I'm sorry? Is urine sterile? Is urine sterile? Oh, dear Lord. No, and if you did read that, if you read that paper about the urine microbiome,

I mean, look, bacteria are going to happen pretty much everywhere. And urine, yes, you are going to have some bacteria on the inside. most of it is going to be relatively harmless and we have a good enough immune system that's going to be able to protect it so there's not going to be any problems however if you happen to be on any of those ozempics or hdlt2 inhibitors or anything that's going to sweeten up your urine you're going to be at a higher risk of having those utis so well oh yeah absolutely and anybody who happens to be on them and please call in if you are on them a doctor will essentially tell you that you're going to have a higher risk of the uti as a result of that and that's just simply

because the bacteria don't necessarily like the urine it's a bit too acidic for them but boy you add some sugar and some salt in there and they just grow like crazy now there's another guy on our show his name is jake the nerd and he has tons and tons of band t-shirts he lets them pile up in his tiny little closet over the course of about a month month and a half he only does laundry every so often but when those shirts are being worn and he sweats a lot sweats a ton they're Building up and building up in that closet. Is that a germ infested pile of disgustingness? Or are we all, you know, just doing laundry too much these days and Jake's on to something?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It is a disgusting cesspool of bacteria. Now, thankfully, it's his own and or I'm hoping it's just his own. But yes, when it's your own, it essentially is just going to build up and it may end up leading to rashes and pimples and other things like that simply because of the higher amounts of bacteria but here's the thing if he is only washing them with with cold water or cool water you're not getting rid of the bugs anyway so they're just going to add up even more and this is one of the things that a lot of people talk about when they talk about thrift store funk

that's because most people are washing their clothes especially polyester because you can't use hot water oh my god it gets so funky because the bacteria just stick around and then they keep on making all of these lovely byproducts remember you and i have toilets and we have toilet seats which aren't as germy as everything else bacteria don't have that so you are their toilet yeah jake you hear that you are his toilet yeah jake the reality is what you claim is your natural mask is officially known as a thrift store funk so congratulations no no hold on so but the pile of laundry i'm not reusing the shirts so how would i get a rash from my shirts okay bacteria you need three things to grow so is your is the temperature jake and jake tools yeah yeah exactly

if you missed our faces at all you may still miss mine because i know i sure do and i was never a big fan of my face but i've never missed it more than i do right now because i was all prepared to do this sleep study where i was going to go to some laboratory they were going to hook me up to a bunch of electro electrodes and stuff and monitor my sleeping to see exactly how many times during the night, I choke on my own breath. How many times? That's real audio of me snoring. A video my wife took to prove that I have a real problem.

And when we played that video on the air and then posted it, everyone started saying, Klein, you have legitimate sleep apnea. And if you don't deal with this, you will die in your sleep. And you're dying a little bit more every day. And everyone convinced me. Aren't we all? We all are, really.

So I got freaked out by a few of the messages I read. I mean, some really heartfelt messages from people that said, you know, someone said, like, I lost my husband. He thought it was a big joke and da-da-da. So I finally set up this thing, did a bunch of pre-questionnaire stuff. And then when I was ready to go, which was the Friday, our last show. It was the last show, right? Last show. No, it was going to be Friday.

I was going to go do my sleep for the night. I did the day of questionnaire. I wasn't able to drink coffee. I wasn't able to drink. All this stuff to get ready for. I'd be so excited to just go sleep somewhere else alone. And I was kind of excited about that too, but I was also thinking it's kind of weird sleeping in a laboratory.

And I was convinced that this is what I was going to have. And they were probably going to tell me, you need to get a CPAP machine. And I was going to say, well, that sucks, but I guess it is what it is. And as I was filling out the day of survey and doing the interview with the person, I was explaining to them that I'm running out of air all the time during the day. It's not just nighttime. It's all the time. We're in here talking and all of a sudden you see me.

I just, I'm talking all of a sudden, no more air, I'm out. And they said, based on what you're saying right now, I don't believe that you have sleep apnea. I believe that you have completely obstructed- Apnea of your whole self. You have full- You have all day apnea. You have apnea. You have 24-hour apnea.

And I think that you, rather than do this, should go and see your ENT again. And I said, look, 10 years ago I went and I did something that was supposed to help me breathe better. It was called a septoplasmy, septo something. You got a nose job. But not a nose job to fix your nose. Right, not a cosmetic nose job. Just something that was supposed to help me breathe better. And I thought that it was going to work.

And sadly, I was working with Allie at the time. Oh, those after pictures were rough. And I got all puffed up. And I went through all of the annoyances of a surgery, the pain, the bloating, the whole discomfort of it. Which I think you're still recovering from. And I thought eventually, one of these days, I'm going to start breathing better. And it never happened. It kept getting worse.

I never breathed any better. And for the last decade, I've been breathing worse and worse every day. And I've been watching, because I was looking at old pictures of me from even 10 years ago. I go, something's going on with my nose where it was never- Well, something's always been going on. Something's always been going on with my nose. But I go, it looks like there's a ... People always say to me, you look like a boxer. And I was like, oh, they must think I constantly just have a broken nose all the time.

I have broken my nose before. But I went- But it's getting fatter in the middle. Fatter in the- Like you had gotten punched in the face. And so I went to this ENT and he said- And all this is costing money, right? Everything.

But I was trying to do it all before the end of the year because if you have insurance, you basically hit a point where you're like, all right, at this point now- Out of pocket. Right. You've already hit your deductible now. Now it feels like you're playing with the house's money. But of course, when they start saying things like, we can see you in the third week of January, you're like, no effing way.

No, no, no. I don't want to see you then. I got to get in now. I got a two-week window to figure this out. I got to do it now. So the guy looks, they do some up in there, smashing these Q-tips up in there. And he goes, look, here's my read on it. I don't know who did your surgery 10 years ago.

But what it looks like from us is that they took away way too much of your septum and your entire nasal bone has shifted now. And it's blocking your complete airflow. And you have a, and this is going to sound embarrassing, but this is what they said. You have something called a sandwich stuck in your nose. Hey, you forgot to sneeze it out that one time. I'm not for that. I was on the beach. I'm well aware, sir.

Would have killed for that to be the news. Snort it up. He goes, you have something that is called a droopy tip, which happens as you get older, but the reality is what it's doing. It does happen as you get older. I said, are we talking about my penis, sir? And he goes, no, still you're not. He goes, it is making it so you are getting very limited airflow at all, and then if air

actually does get in it's getting completely stopped before it gets to your brain where you actually need okay they did the opposite now you have an opposite of a droopy tip right to erect right so so the guy said i need to basically get in there i need to open it up i need to completely clear out whatever um septum is left in there and then i need to basically get septum from other parts of your body whoa and where do you have septum and other parts of your body not septum what the hell they call it cartilage

thank you Vanessa wow dude Vanessa with the right word that's crazy amazing by the way she yells that out

all the time she's never been right before cartilage is that what she said I asked her one time about that new movie the Avatar movie

she said carnival she was trying to say carnival so they had to cut into my basically get cartilage from my body did they choose your butt

where right by my boob like right under my rib what dude whoa you have a scar Right there.

What? Looks like I got stabbed in the heart. Man, you have so little to work with over there. I know, I know. There's so many fattier parts of your body. I know, that's what I was thinking. So they basically, and I didn't know any of that was going to happen until afterwards, but they basically had to build a structure so that they could support me having working nostrils

so that I could actually breathe from my nose. So two things. One. That's such an obvious scar, too. Why couldn't they take like a... Great question, Allie. That's a little less than smart. Great question.

It was like you had open heart surgery. He did say to me afterwards, he goes, I just want you to know it was a real mess in there. We did the best we could do with what we had. Oh, that's not a good thing to hear about your body. Also, I went in there like the last day before I guess they closed for Christmas break. So every single person that was working there. Oh, they had vacation brain.

They were full on vacation brain. Oh, they didn't care about you. That's why they got the middle of your body. Every single person in there was going like, what are you playing? Oh, man, I'm going to get out of here. And then I hear the guy, before I get knocked out and they start doing the surgery, basically go like, I got a heart out in about an hour because I got to be at my kid's Christmas recital or something like that.

So I'm going like, oh my good God. You're like, oh, the recital is going to be terrible. So I wake up and it's weird because they knock you out full on, propofol, knockout stuff. Oh, that's the best. Right. You wake up and you're all out of it. I woke up and the first thing I did was I took a breath through my nose and I go, oh my God, I can breathe for the first time in as long as I can remember, I can actually

breathe. It felt like I was getting air for the first time ever. And you know when you go to the mountains and stuff, you feel that, and it hurts almost. Yeah, it was like this wild- It's like sharp air. It was a rush of like, I shouldn't be this excited about air. But let's be honest, this is something we need to live. And it was something that I have not had in forever.

So I go, oh my God, that's amazing. And I said to the guy- And then they looked at you and said, no change, no change. Just like that Twilight Zone episode. I said, the guy threw some carrots at me, and he goes, good boy, piggy. And I said And I hadn't seen myself yet So all I did was

All the nurses were just running away Oh my god They put a blue ribbon on me at the end I won some sort of a carnival state fair And I finally could breathe I was like oh this is great And I go I'm breathing amazing He goes well that's probably not going to last

Because you're going to be a swollen mess tomorrow Cool By the way great time of year to be a swollen mess I mean you picked the right time Where you get to like chill and be in your bed recovering yeah but also not really because think of all of the foods that the best foods are like around this time of the year too it's all the christmas foods it's all the feasting stuff it's a year-end party it's all the good stuff drinking and all and i was like so i took pain a lot of

painkillers which are fun oh that's nice and what kind of painkillers you get uh did you get the good stuff cassettes i want to say hydrocodone maybe exactly i got a few but the guy said you can snort them real easily with those nostrils i was now you didn't have to swallow them i go i just snorted from across the room hole so the guy says um you're gonna have to come back in a week and we're gonna take all of the gauze and everything off and see what we've done and i could watch the guy's face he's taking it all off and he's got not a confident look on his face it looked like what happened here and i guess that's what that's what i look like thank you that's my look and uh he goes hey just so you know you're real swollen right now everything is gonna look

exactly how you looked before the surgery in three to six and i think he's gonna say days and he goes months oh and i go wow that's a long time so did you notice that you had a pig nose no no i didn't know well i thought it looked he said you're really swollen right now and basically we had to cut everything open so you have a lot of scar tissue right now that's in the front but they were removing scar tissue they were removing old scar tissue right to make room for all the new scar tissue so um if you were watching the show because i was a sexual being i'm so sorry to let you down now ali's gonna have to carry the weight of being the hot one on the show for a while and uh and hopefully i'm good at carrying the weight yeah and that's usually my job as the

new pig boy but uh so anyway uh why does klein still sound like a dirty trumpet that's a great question i think you have it on your nose you can play it yeah hold on is that is that coming through so do you have to eat through a trough i do have to eat all my meals through a trough but I was doing that anyway, so it actually worked out super convenient.