Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 3- AMA with a P.I., Baby Fight and MORE

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

New episode of Klein Alley Show is about to begin, but before that can happen, Alley, let's tell the people what they need to know. You mean about San Bernardino International Airport? Of course I'm talking about the San Bernardino International Airport. Easy, close, and not LAX. And parking is always just five bucks a day, which means it is El Cheapo approved. Fly nonstop to Provo, Utah for all the skiing, snowboarding, or wives you can handle. And of course you can fly into my hometown of San Francisco, San Bernardino International Airport, when airports smell great. you're not supposed to see that one either that's a surprise these are surprises for you is it also titled fat alley is back this one's called fat alley is back too oh okay we've already made a

sequel it's a different one this not to be confused with this the original the lyrics are clear a path to the snack great I can't hear. Fat Allie is back. Lock the fridge, it's under attack. Lock the fridge, it's under attack. Fat Allie is back. She's finally funny again.

Anyway, that was Fat Allie 1 is back. But Fat Allie 2, we're not sure we wanted to share yet with the masses. Omar thinks it could be fixed and made a little better. But, you know, he's a perfectionist, et cetera. But the people want what the people want. We don't want things that are better. We will world premiere Fat Alley is Back 2 in a moment, but first let's go ahead and give someone some tickets and potentially a trip of a lifetime as we say good morning to Caesar. Oh boy, I said Caesar, Alley.

Yummy. Where? I want the croutons only. Caesar calling from Orange. Orange, get out of here. Alley's favorite type of chicken. Hey, Caesar. Hey, good morning.

Thank you. You are the 20th caller right now. Caesar from Orange. This is all triggering. Hold on one second. We can get you some tickets to go see Evanescence at the Forum in July, and then hopefully we call you back on Monday, give you the good news. You're going to see them again in Montreal, all right?

Hope so. Thank you guys very much. Love y'all. You're very welcome. That is Caesar, our most recent winner. Please no one call from Bakersfield. It's too delicious. Allie loves it.

This is something we're still working on. Oh, really? I think you're done working on it. No, no, we're not. You put in four seconds of effort. There's been writing. There's been back and forth. AI, make a song about a fat woman named Allie.

Wrong. Click. Absolutely wrong, because that would have charged us money. We're not paying for AI. We don't pay for that slop. All right? So. She's fighting for me again

Get ready to laugh Fight out these bad It's like a sitcom intro. Yeah, we're going to add a chorus to this one. Like people singing in the behind. I'm opening the door into my fat self and looking at the camera going, and eating a stick of butter.

We all sit on the couch and break it. We're working on that one. Forget you heard that one. It'll be a world premiere when we actually get it finished. Forget you heard it? Yeah, most people will forget they heard it. Is the third one going to have also the same exact lyrics, or are you going to try and write something new?

We have other lyrics. Maybe Fat Alley should write funny lyrics for once. Well, now that you're fat again, we will accept all your funniness. And by the way, apparently being fat is not enough. Something happened in Alley's house that I think is one of the grosser things. No, I think this is normal. Definitely not normal. This happens to everybody.

I'm sure it happens to you. You're hairy as hell. Never happened to me. Never in all the places you've lived? Never once. No one's ever claimed what this guy claimed, by the way. Well, I don't believe him. Okay.

He's just saying that because he wants more work, I'm sure. We had an issue earlier this week where our shower wouldn't drain. It happens to be an issue that happens once a year. It has happened every single year since we lived in this house. Probably all that butter. clogging up the arteries and drains at the same time i have to loof all the butter off of me every night what is more clock fat alley's arteries or her shower drains so the shower our main shower in our bedroom it once a year just slow to drain clogged up this time it was

really clogged up to the point where the water was like overflowing damn yeah so we had to get a tasker a task rabbit person out as soon as possible to look at the issue i'm surprised you didn't take the tackle that uh yourself that seems like such a solvable problem i'm not draining nope i'm not doing i did mine uh yeah once once maybe every two years i have to do that but omar i believe the drain of a family shower i don't have to it's one of the grosser things you can encounter no absolutely dude the stint the stink is unlike any other it's it sucks but you got to do it and you just the way i do it is i just have a little uh coat hanger stick it down there and then start no this was beyond coat hanger i was saving that for later

no this is beyond because what this man told me was that our shower our shower drain is so deep it is five to six feet deep oh and then so it was oh so it's all the way down there it's all All the way down, years and years of hair buildup. And there's no access to the P-trap anywhere else? You have to take it from the top of the drain? It's called a vagina. I don't know what a P-trap is. Get it straight.

We're adults here. We can have real conversation. So he said it was the most hair he's ever seen. Listen to this. And he has like a bucket, like a slop bucket where you put all the crap that you find. And this guy is a, obviously you got him through TaskRabbit. He's probably a plumber, right, by trade. Oh yeah, he's got like decades of experience.

And he said that this is the most hair he has ever seen on a job, ever. Yes, but he thinks it's because the other plumbers didn't properly clean it out. It was just like a little, hey, I'll go down a couple of feet and get some things out and call it a day until it drains again. This guy went all the way in. He had some weird power drill tool I've never seen before. Now, Allie claims that she thinks this is a lesbian issue because when two women live together, you've got double the hair. There are women that have long hair that wash their hair and everything. And then we even have one of those like hair drain catcher things, but it doesn't catch crap.

No. I mean, hair is much. You had the wrong one. Yeah. I was trying to buy a new one last night because of this issue. I was like, enough is enough here. Yeah. I can't find a drain that all of the holes are too big.

I need ones that are like thin, thin, thin that can actually trap the hair because there's a lot of it. But when he says to you, of all my years doing this job, this is the most amount of hair I've ever encountered in one drain. He asked if I wanted to see it. You said no? I said I would politely pass on it. Why would you not want to see what you created? Because it grosses me out. Stuff that is stuck in drains is a meh.

No. And you said that was a five-footer, a five-foot drain that was packed to the brim with your hair? I mean, think how much hair needed to be in there for it to rise the water level and fill up six feet of drain. That may explain these big waves we're having everywhere, too, in town. I mean, that's so ridiculous. I'm clogging every drain in the city. You're clogging the whole thing. That is unbelievable.

Did you hear the man gagging at all doing this job? No. He said this is his job. This is what he does. I can't imagine that that's your daily life. But he was very good at what he did. It only took him 45 minutes to clear everything out. Yes, he had a two-hour minimum, so I had to pay him for two hours of work.

But he got it all done, and now I'm worried that the next year, this is going to be the same problem. Am I just a gross person? I don't think you're going to have to deal with it for another year. It sounds like this guy did a really thorough job. You're going to be able to have at least three years. I'm going to take the under. Before I build up the hair again? I think it will be within a year again because Ali's got that thick-ass bush.

Well, and with the prenatals, everything gets thicker and thicker. Right, thicker and thicker. And if it's trimming day, I can get clogged up real quick. You've got to put signs up in the neighborhood like tree trimming day. Hello, I'm his fuse. So, all right, well, there you have it. Just one more reason that you should. Another mental image for you.

You're welcome. Accordingly, in a moment, we are going to say hello to a man who is a private investigator, retired FBI agent, and he now gets hired to follow people, track people. Maybe it's infidelity stuff. Maybe it's nanny cases. Is the nanny watching the kid? Is there divorce stuff happening? Is there workers' comp stuff that's going on? This guy knows all the answers.

If you've got questions, it's an AMA with a private investigator. For everything you've ever wanted to know, to a real-life PI, we will get to that next on KROQ. Time for a Clown Alley Show AMA. This time we are going to dig deep into the interesting job that someone that is a private investigator has. It's following people, it's stakeouts, it's surveillance, it's getting to the bottom of stuff, this job's changing. I would imagine it used to be a lot of following people

that you thought were potentially cheating or having an affair, but I think it's evolved a lot, especially as scams have evolved, with all the romance scams and everything that's happening online where people just want to figure out, is this person that I'm communicating with even real, Or is this some sort of a giant hoax and I'm not actually going to have sex with Tom Selleck later? And I also think that now it's gotten a little more accessible to people. Where I always thought hiring a private investigator was only for rich people.

It's a rich people job. Yeah, but I think a lot of people do it for different reasons. And scamming is a big one now. Also, I think that there's a difference between just having your friend Tom follow someone and having a professional do it. Because they probably know where to hide and how to figure stuff out and how to get the evidence. And we are thrilled to welcome to KROQ right now, Tom Simmons. former FBI special agent, licensed private investigator,

and forensic accountant. Don't be bored by the word accountant because in this particular world, I believe that he is digging deep and finding out fraud cases and scams that people are pulling against their employees. And more importantly, the questions I have are how can we get away with stuff more?

We welcome to KROQ Tom Simon. Good morning, Tom. Hey, good morning. Thank you so much for having me on. Thank you for agreeing to be on to answer these questions. We have a ton of them pouring through the text line now at 800-520-1067,

But you have you officially transitioned from being a FBI special agent to what seems like a proper next job, which is a private investigator. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I've been an FBI agent for 26 years, so I sort of had no other job skills other than investigating. This is the fallback plan. So at the beginning, was it what Klein was saying? Whereas a lot of people saying, I think my husband's cheating on me. I think my wife's cheating on me. Will you follow them around? Yeah. When you don't have a whole lot of clients, You don't have a whole lot of ability to pick and choose the ones you want. So I was just happy to have anyone come in the door. And so I had the cheating spouse cases and a lot of times it's a custodial dispute where a couple is breaking up

and they want to know, they're trying to gather dirt on their former partner so they can get an upper hand in either alimony or custody. So I did a bit of that stuff in the surveillances, which I don't really like, but a guy's got to eat, right? And I would imagine most of the cases where someone says, I have a suspicion that my wife or husband is up to no good. Can you just trail them for a little bit? If they're at a point where they're calling you to trail them for a little bit, there's probably, more often than not, you probably find something, right? It's not like, oh, no, she was just doing Pilates. Yeah, and I always told them that, too, because I never want to steal from my clients.

I said, listen, if things have gotten to a point where you're going to be throwing a bunch of money at me to follow someone around, there's a bigger issue here that I think needs to be addressed. And it also depends on the state. In California, where you guys are, it might be actually pertinent. But I live in Florida, which is a no-fault state, which means that the husband and wife just split up the assets 50-50, whether someone's a good husband or a bad husband. And so a lot of times they're just doing it for their own peace of mind, not to get an economic upper hand. Now, you probably trailed hundreds of people in your career. How do you trail someone without being caught? How do you follow somebody and be incognito about it?

Well, I got to tell you, it was a lot easier when I was an FBI agent because when we did surveillance there, we would put like five to eight different cars on the person. So we were constantly just sort of moving in and out this beautiful dance behind them where you don't take you don't take more than two turns with the subject of the surveillance before you hand off the eye or the person who's kind of like right behind them just to another person. So you never know it. As a private investigator, it's much harder because you're just sort of bumper-locking the person

and praying to God they don't look in their rear-view mirror. Wow. They switch off the cars? Well, the FBI, yeah. That's so cool. At the FBI. Yeah, because of the unlimited resources. They're all the same maroon Crown Victorias, though, so it's very obvious.

The next Crown Victoria. Why are different Crown Victorias tailing me? This is very suspicious here, but now you're the one guy. Do you ever wear costumes as part of your private investigator work or no? No, I'm a pretty nondescript, like, middle-aged white guy. And so I sort of look like everyone else. There's really no need for me to wear a rainbow wig or kind of go overboard with that. He's handing children balloons outside of the Pilates studio.

Well, look, you heard about the big drug bust that happened earlier this week at the World Cup because they dressed like mascots, you know. But you're there mostly for information. But between the cases that you cover now, and then we'll start to get these questions on the text line, because a lot of workers' comp cases as well, right, where people claim they can't go to work, they injure themselves, maybe they're even suing their employee, and then you'll trail them and find out that they're doing, like, you know, kettlebell presses at the park, right? Yeah, or re-roofing their house when they're supposed to be home on workers' comp. Yeah, that's how most private investigators make money. Fun fact, most private investigators in America are making $55,000 a year doing surveillance on those exact type of cases. Wow, that's a lot less than I thought it would be. It's a great way to go broke, which is why I don't do a lot of surveillances anymore.

But again, for a lot of people, it's an honest way to make a living in catching dishonest people doing dishonest things. But it is not the road to riches. and when when you were doing this did anybody ever find out find out and confront you did things ever get physical uh not physical but i've definitely been confronted by people i was i was following and uh you know they'll either roll down the window and you know why are you following me in which case and then you know the surveillance is over and uh and just sort of put your tail between your legs and drive away the best is just not to acknowledge them you don't just yell back at them and say i'm a random white guy you're following me i'm a nondescript white

guy leave me be why are you what why have you been in front of me for so long right uh the the the hardest part though is when you're kind of parked in a residential neighborhood keeping an eye on a house waiting for the subject to leave their home then you know with the next door and facebook groups and stuff like that you're just going to have an evening of the cops calling on you and nosy neighbors all right right this guy's been sitting there in his maroon crown victoria for days just not moving the thing what is the longest stakeout or surveillance that you did Like, what was the longest you ever sat in your car? One time, this was with the FBI, we were investigating something bad that happened to a kid.

I don't want to get too graphic. And I had the Sunday shift. I thought it was going to be very sleepy surveillance. Started off in Jacksonville, Florida. Then the bad guy gets on the road, and the next thing I know, it's 13 hours later, and I'm in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, without a change of clothing, no new underwear, no toothbrush. And I just stayed on the guy the entire time. Oh, AAP. because if you're a private investigator you don't have to you don't play by the rules of the i mean

in some ways it's like you don't have as much uh i guess power as you would if you were still in the fbi but in other ways it's good right because there's no red tape you get to you're your own man you want to follow someone over state lines you just keep following them right yeah i mean there's licensing issues there but uh florida has reciprocity with several other states including california so you're pretty good a lot of questions pouring through on the text line now for a private investigator who joins us but also you're an interrogation expert we should point out as well which means when you need to get information out of someone you know exactly what to say to them to get that information out of them as well right that's true that's that's my real expertise so

what's the number one tactic someone should use if they want to say get a confession out of a boyfriend or girlfriend that they feel is doing something wrong yeah the number one tactic is to not ask them if they did it or not to tell them that you know that they did it and you want to understand why. They basically appeal to their sense of empathy. Say, listen, I can only imagine that there was something going on in your life that kind of drove you to the point where you did this, whether it's a boyfriend or girlfriend who's cheating or an employee who's stealing from you. Basically assume the sale and say, I know you did it, but I don't understand why you did it. Let's talk about that and make that the focus of the conversation. So you're not getting caught in

that loop of, yes, you did it. No, I didn't. Yes, you did it. No, I didn't. And you're really shifting the gears toward their motivation. What is the greatest thing you could purchase on Amazon if you want to spy on people? This is from 310. Is there some sort of a device that you use when you're surveilling? There are tracking devices that can be slapped onto the bottom of a vehicle where you can follow them. However, that varies from state to state on whether it's legal or not to do that. However, if you're on the title of the car, then you're probably okay. If this car is registered to you and you share it with your spouse and you want to slap a tracker on the car at that point i believe you're legally okay because you're just

tracking an asset that you own we're talking to a former fbi special agent licensed private investigator and forensic accountant knows everything there is to know about surveillance and private investigator work 818 wants to know what is the pettiest reason you've ever been hired was there ever a petty reason you were hired for something a petty reason boy if the check clears nothing's petty i mean jokes jokes aside if it's important to the client it's important to me i had somebody who lost their dog um who ended up getting uh who had a party and then one of the guests of the party ran off with his dog now i'm a cat guy so it's not a big deal to me but to this guy was like losing a kid and i did the work and i got his dog back so you had to like finally he

told you all the people that were at the party and you had to like one by one do some tracking and you found who had the dog it's crazy yeah the guy was in jail at the time for something entirely different i went i drove six hours to the prison talked to him he told me that he took the dog home and he gave it to his sister and then we negotiated with the sister to return the guy's dog the guy was crying when he got his dog back it meant the world to this kind man that i was able to get his dog back all my friends made fun of me calling me ace ventura pet detective but it meant a lot to the client and when that happens big success story do you get tipped on that do they give you a little something extra i recovered not this guy but it has happened i we

had a billionaire had a burglary at his house someone stole a million dollars in gold from the safe in his house i was able to recover the gold and he gave me a sizable tip at the end in gold or in cash he gave it to me in cash i didn't want i didn't want to go walking around with like a duffel bag full of gold that's what i would do oh yeah i want the gold here's a brick for the trouble that's so cool and you also help people track down scammers right yeah i mean i'm awake with the fbi i'm a cpa by trade so most of my career with the fbi was financial crime investigations and so they don't hire people like me because we're fun to be around and that's mostly what my private investigator practice is today so how can like when you actually track

down scammers what kind of people are they i'm always wondering like who's the a-hole who calls me well yeah there's two types right there's the a-hole guy who's calling you who's just sort of a deplorable scammer that's what he does for a living but then there's people out there who maybe intended to try to make some money when they're offering you a it can't lose investment that's going to double your money in 90 days. And they ended up spending that money to pay back someone else who they stole it from in what we call a Ponzi scheme.

And so it really varies. Most of the people who commit scams are in dire need of money for some other reason, whether it's an addiction, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a gambling issue, or because they have some debts that they need to pay back and they're just transferring the debts from the person that they owe money to to you, the victim.

Yeah, clients, like you're kind of, you always get scammed, but you're like a step away from being a scammer. It's just down and out. I've learned to fall for enough. Eventually you become an expert at it. Yeah. Question from 714 is something about Mary themed questions.

You ever develop feelings for one of the people that you are hired to follow? Not, not like romantic feelings, but certainly compassion on their lives. Like, you know, if someone out there, especially the domestic cases,

if someone out there is in a miserable situation or if they're, they're just doing the best they can. I mean, you know, I have compassion for people just in general. It's just sort of my nature, but not like romantic feelings. But if you're following someone who hires you to follow their girlfriend and she happens to be super hot, and you're like,

I guess I could stop surveilling or I could continue the surveilling. Do you continue the surveilling because she's better to look at? Yeah, I keep it professional. No, I keep it professional. If I'm providing valuable information to the client, that's all it needs. 310 wants to know, where is a place that most people, when you do catch cheaters cheating, where is a place that you are most likely to catch cheaters cheating?

a lot of car dates a lot of people who are uh who decide to not bother getting the hotel room but they're just going to pull off some dark uh forest preserve and do what they do in their vehicles there's a maroon crown victoria over there don't worry about it come on mount up we're horny has anybody ever asked you say they asked you to investigate someone and you didn't find anything Has anyone asked you to fabricate or fake that there was actually something? No, no. I think most people hire me because they know I'm former FBI and they know they're going to get a good and honorable investigation. I'm not going to steal from them.

Most people aren't asking me to commit a crime or perjury or anything like that. And are you allowed to eavesdrop on conversations using those like satellite dish sort of things where you can hear people talking from across the room? That's a good question. I've never used any kind of equipment like that. Is it legal? Probably, if it's out in the open. Once you start, like, kind of, you know, putting suction cups on someone's, you know, window to get a better sound, then you have an issue. But if you can hear it, even with some enhanced tools out in the open, you're probably okay. 323 wants to know where they can purchase chloroform. Oh, yikes. Answer the question. I imagine there's a chemistry supply house somewhere that'll sell you anything. Oh, wow. And 323 wanted to know, what's the number one indicator that somebody's lying? I'm sure you've talked to a lot of liars in your life, in your career.

Yeah, I think most liars, first of all, knowing the answers to the questions before you ask them is probably there's no substitute for that. And I like to spend some time when I interview somebody to build rapport, first asking them innocuous questions, gauging their behavior when they're asking non-threatening questions, then looking for changes in their behavior and their posture and their body language when you start asking them the difficult questions. Here's a hypothetical. If we worked with someone that burns a lot of patchouli-scented incense, what smell do you think he's trying to mask?

I think it's probably weed. Yeah, let's say I'm going to go out on a limb. Fair enough. Well, this has been a very interesting AMA. Tom Simon, former FBI special agent, licensed private investigator. You can find him at SimonInvestigations on Instagram. We'll put up all that on ours. Thank you for spending some time to educate us and make us all feel smarter.

Thanks, Simon. Thanks for having me on. Appreciate it. There he is. I know what you're thinking right now. Who would win in an all-out cage match fight between Ali's son and my daughter? What? And I'm sure that's probably what you're thinking at this exact moment.

At least this person is. Hey, guys. Just a super random thought while watching some of the highlights from the UFC event at the White House. Bruiser could totally kick Wesley's ass. Bruiser's tough. Wears football jerseys, wears basketball jerseys. Wesley wears leotards and those stupid little red cowboy boots. Bruiser totally kicks ass.

I don't know because a lot of those wrestlers, that's kind of what they wear too, which is like leotards and boots. I feel like my kid does have a few years on Allie's kid, but he's a boy and he's probably taller, I would guess, than Bruiser. He's probably taller, but she's like three years older than him. She's older. and... I think she would use more brute force and he'd be more like imaginary

my pews are covering you in webs and you're able to, you know... Oh, right. He would fake shoot webs, which doesn't really work in a real fight. Exactly. Yeah, depending on if we need to get the ratings up on the show, we may go to a cage match between Ali's kid and my kid. Yeah, kid fight club. Dude, like the bleed-in and the recita. We could do it as

a Kevin and Bina throwback bit. A throwback to the bleed-in recita. This time, two children. A seven-year-old and a four-year-old battling it out in a ring. Or we could wait for my a baby to be born and then find another baby. Babies. Exactly. And then have them go at it. Because a lot of times

what they'll do, and everyone loves it, we saw this at the Savannah Bananas, they do it a lot of times at the Boring Games, they'll have the babies race on the court. It's usually just them crawling around, but they're not fighting. Yeah, give them knives. Yeah, give them knives. That's interesting. Give them brass knuckles, all kinds of different, like it could be like

Hunger Games where you put a bunch of weapons in the middle. I think a lot of parents would not volunteer their kids for that, but we're not above that. Oh, I think any parent wants a reason to be proud of their kid right even if it's a battle to the death maybe they don't do anything great in life but they won that knife fight when they were three years old see i'm already getting defensive i'm like my kid could kick your kid's ass this guy says bruiser he would take bruiser as the early favorite uh i don't know i would say that would be a close a close fight bruiser all day bruiser could kill jake yeah i would put bruiser up against jake for

sure yeah bring it that's now we're getting somewhere now an adult fighting a child is in front of you. I've fought Bruiser before. You fought Bruiser? Yeah, I threw hands with Bruiser before. You fought my kid before? Yeah. What?

Yeah, we were throwing hands. She's got hands, bro. She could actually do the work. Johnny, did you not two days ago ask why you were never asked to babysit again? I did ask that. Here's your answer.

I didn't realize you threw hands with my kid. Yeah, smack a taste out of it. I knew you didn't follow my one rule about don't give her more than one crumble cookie and you let her eat all of them. They're tall.

Your kids are big. They could climb up on a counter and grab it. Bruiser's small. And the counter outsmarted you. You're a man, dude. Yeah, but you... I said to Johnny, one cookie, that's it. Cut them off.

I get back, there's zero cookies left. What happened, Johnny? He goes, the counter, dude. They could reach the counter. Hey, we ate some too. I go, you gotta be kidding me, Johnny. That was your answer? He goes, yeah, dude.

I don't think they could reach it. They could reach it. That was the whole thing. Oh, man. Brainbuster. What do I do? It's an unsolvable problem. The cookies were on the counter.

They could reach the counter. They ate the cookies. And they were good. So Johnny's never been invited back to babysit ever again. With good reason. And now I understand that he's also been fighting with my children as well. He is invited to the cage match. He'll be at the cage match.

And maybe when we do this backyard pool barbecue thing, maybe that can be the big set up for the kid fight. Cool. Big kid fight. We get a big cage together. Gotta take a quick break. We get back though. There's more show to get to, believe it or not. ADD News is still in your future and more after this.

Good morning. Welcome to your KROQ. Get a check of what's going on in the world with the ADD News. But first, some advice for Allie, who is currently pregnant, we believe. Hey, sweet divots, guys. This message is for Allie. Hey, congrats on the baby. But I do have a suggestion.

Can you name the baby Magic Johnson? It works both ways, as a boy or a girl. Magic Johnson. Thanks. Great name for a boy, a girl, or a they. You already got the Johnson part figured out, unless you name the baby Magic Johnson Johnson. Oh, I'd agree. Which would be even cooler, double the Johnsons.

My baby's name is Magic Johnson, last name Johnson. So their middle name is Johnson? Yes. That's correct. Magic Johnson Johnson. How about Magic Magic Johnson Johnson? That's fine. The middle name can also be Magic Johnson.

I think there's, it's a great, it's a great name. I mean, listen, that would make you. It is gender newtch. Beloved by the city. And I know that you were not, you know, didn't grow up a Lakers fan. For me, there was no greater athlete on the planet than Magic Johnson when I was growing up. This child will also be definitely pasty white. At least I think, unless there was a switcheroo.

We don't know. And we don't know how many there are. If you have more than one, will you make a promise with us right now? Magic one, magic two, magic three. If there's more than one growing inside of you, will you name one of them magic? God. Magic's kind of a cool name. I don't really know.

I would have to check with my wife first. You go to weird voodoo moon circles. I feel like most of the people in your voodoo moon circles probably have that name. That's probably like the Olivia of the magic moon circle. I think there is a sunrise. There's an autumn. There's a charmian. There's a lot of different names in the moon circle.

I haven't seen one of Magic. Magic's cool. That's dope. I would have to check with my wife before I commit to that. It's also Jake's favorite card game as well. Okay, now I'm out. No! There's no Magic there.

A lot of people at Jake's card game that are not coming up with baby names because they're not having sex. This kid will not play Magic. That's a good name, too. This kid will not play Magic Johnson. It's a great name for your child. This kid will lose to Magic Johnson. Let's get into your news. Then a brand new hour of the show will officially begin.

Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. Apple is doing a lot to try and compete with other tech companies and infiltrate every part of your life. If you're dependent on ChatGPT, for example, they aim to fix that with their new and improved Siri, who has all the AI integration you could ever want, according to them. If you rely on your Aura Ring, they are rumoredly developing their own Apple Ring to compete with that. And to anyone using Metaglasses, they have a solution for that, too. They are now launching a new set of AirPods that is not only juiced up with AI, but it has little cameras in it. Not to take pictures with, obviously.

I don't think you can record from these AirPods, but it would be able to see things in front of you, tell you about what you're seeing. So, for example, if you're cooking in your kitchen and going, I don't know, I have all this food. I don't really know what to make. Help me come up with a recipe. It can AI integrate. It can see what you're working with, and it can come up with a recipe a lot like the Metaglasses can. Can it remind me of people's names? It probably can because I want it to be Terminator status

where it comes up with a little profile of that person, maybe a little record or a blurb about the last few interactions you had. I want it to be able to record things, maybe not that you can look at on your phone, but just to know so that it can keep for its files and memory. But how are any of us going to be able to have actual conversations with people? Not that we're doing that much anymore, but if you have something in your ear that's constantly telling you,

this is so-and-so, you met him three years ago, you don't really like him, He's allergic to peanuts. Well, think about Vanessa talking in your ear while we're on the air, isn't it? It's incredibly distracting. It is so distracting because more often than not, she goes, Oops, sorry, wrong button. No, wait a minute. It is you?

No, it's not you. Forget that. Ignore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's what's going on in my head the entire show. It's a combination of her saying things and then saying, Not you.

Sorry. I'm sorry. Klein, not you. Line three. No, not you, Klein. No. Sorry. Wrap it up.

Okay, goodbye. So imagine that all day. Yeah. She's fired up today, too, because today's, you know, her team's... Oh, my God. Was that in my ear or was that in all your ears? I heard that. Okay.

Never mind. I unfortunately heard that. That's how loud it was. I can't wait. Big day today for her and Team Columbia. What time are they playing? Columbia. 7 p.m.

7 p.m., baby. She told all of us... Oh, she's going to be so hungover tomorrow. Yeah, it's going to be... Speaking of that drink... Oh, come on. I know that you love drinks. I'll take one shot.

Yeah, okay. Venmo Vanessa, if you want to buy her a drink tonight. And she also asked all of us to wear the colors of her team today. And I don't think any of us did. But speaking of meta glasses, I think we are going to give her some meta glasses tonight so that she can watch the game as we record. So I'm wearing the, watching the entire game wearing the meta glasses. And we won't tell you exactly where she's going, but we'll all get to experience the

thrills, the victory, and the agony of defeat if for some reason Columbia doesn't win their game tonight. But boy, she is. She's fired up. She's got the jersey on. She's very excited. When things feel like they are falling apart, it makes us all feel better to focus on one small petty argument and this one has to do with how to pronounce the city of la jamie louis curtis

and mariska hargitay two people who were not only born in la they both are they both had parents that were actors so their la roots go very very deep that being said they have totally different ways of pronouncing los angeles and this escalated quickly i've been seeing this everywhere and i mean they got so heated i thought they were going to hit each other plain to me that you had come back to Los Angeles that you had gone through the beginning of the storage unit. I'm trying not to laugh because you just said Los Angeles.

Okay, we had this argument. He says Los Angeles. Okay, but what do you call it? Los Feliz. Yes, but we're not talking about Los Feliz. You don't say Los Feliz. You don't say Los Angeles. You say Los Angeles. You don't. And if I had like a jury here,

everyone would vote for me. Go ahead. Hey, who says Los Feliz? But from now on, I'm going to say. You say Los Angeles? You say Los Angeles? Nobody says that. Okay, well. Guys, please, God, let's move on.

Who's right? Nobody says Los Angeles. No. It's Los Angeles. What do you mean they're both wrong? They're both wrong. Yeah. If we are speaking, the word is in Spanish.

The word is darts. So it's actually Los Angeles, but we're making it American, so it's Los Angeles. But that's what Mariska is saying. is she's like, I know it's Los Angeles, but no one is saying that, really. Everyone's just saying Los Angeles. That's what everybody says. But she's saying Los, not Los Angeles.

Jamie Lee Curtis is saying Los Angeles. Right, which is odd. Which is still a white lady pronunciation trying to sound like she's being respectful. I understand her argument, which is why are we going with Los Feliz? We've all accepted Los Feliz is not Los Feliz. It's Los.

It's the same L-O-S. but whatever. So the argument is why have we changed it for some and not for others but whatever. It's just general L.A. That's what it is.

Let's go L.A. They got very catty with each other. Very catty. I know. I know. I thought they were swearing. I feel like there's a lot

going on behind the scenes here. Seriously. She like got activated. She's like, okay, we're going to talk about this now. I'm trying not to laugh at you but like, you know,

and... But every other Los, you're right, is Los. Like Los Robles or Los Robles or whatever. Rose, you got that wrong.

Double wrong. Los. Everyone says Los with that. Yeah. Once again, Vanessa, I will defer to you because you have the best pronunciation of all words on the show. And when you say where you live, what do you say? Los Angeles. You don't say that with everybody.

It's just every time I try to, when I say my name, which is Vanessa, when I try to say it like in English, it's so awkward. And that's exactly how I feel about saying Los Angeles. You've never said Los Angeles to me or anybody on the show. I say L.A., but in my brain, it's so awkward because it's like I'm pretending to say a Spanish word. But you're whiteifying it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because that's what everyone has accepted is Los Angeles as the pronunciation.

All right. This summer, there are a couple of trends that you can look out for. One, a lot of people are dialing it back in terms of glowing themselves up for summer. So you're going to see a lot of people out there without nail polish on. happy to be part of that trend i'm a trendsetter i knew not having nail polish on was eventually going to make a comeback and that is also coupled with this one trend that has been very prominent this year as we head into the summer is the prominent tan line so having really obvious tan lines is in vogue in a way that was certainly not true of my youth in which we had to go to

pneumatic tube-looking tanning beds to get rid of our tan lines. And up until probably a couple of years ago, everyone was spray tanning and making sure that they had no tan lines. And now this is something that turns you on, right, Klein, the prominent tan line? I don't really have to focus on that,

but yes, I do like... You like seeing the tan lines. I do like a good tan line. Yeah, you're weird, dude. Apparently, I'm a trendsetter. Tan lines are hot. Now, do you have a certain preference? Like, a one-piece tan line

would be less sexy to you than a bikini tan line? Sometimes you can see the, like, Like... Farmer's tan? That's hot. The farmer's tan. And that gets me going.

It's just the guy's, like, the top of his neck is tan, and that's it? Yeah, that guy's been out working all day. You see, like, the bikini bottom, like, tan line or the thong tan line sometimes? Oh, so you just like the ass ones? Those are nice. I like the bra strap tan line, too. The bra strap tan line I like. I will...

I'm with you there. It's a... I don't know what it is. Something about it. But then when you see someone naked and you just see, like, pasty boobs, that's not fun. I would like to see that part tan as well. I don't know. I'm okay with that, I feel like.

Really? Yeah, with the tan line around it. It's almost like they're wearing completely translucent underwear. I love it. It's how you're undressing them with your eyes anyway. Yeah, I feel like my x-ray vision is working all of a sudden. Ah, finally, the one superpower I wanted is actually happening. Oh, wait, is this the tan line?

It's an illusion of clothing. Get into a brand new hour of the show next.