Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 3- Clickbait, Something Nerdy and MORE

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock.

Hell yeah. Welcome to your Wednesday and welcome back to school if that's the case. Although if you're hearing me say this live right now, you're probably late. So get a move on it. That's probably fine for today though, right? Deeds get degrees, but tardy is no way to get starty. That's what they say. They love to make those old rhymes.

Well, whoever rhymed that one is an idiot. They need more school. They called me Tardy a lot in school, and I assume that's what they meant. But I was like, I don't understand. I'm here on time. And they were like, listen, Tardy. And I said, hold on. Are you not calling me late?

Your life is going to be hardy. Everything's rhymed. Get into a brand new hour of the show right now, and we start off by giving you tickets. In fact, every hour moving forward, we get you into Six Flags Magic Mountain. And just for winning these four tickets, as if that was not enough, also going to qualify you to get one of those 2027 gold passes. So you can go every day of the year if you want to. No blackout dates. Free parking.

Unlimited free parking. You can probably be in one of those big-ass cars and take up multiple spots for free anyway. Sometimes they charge by the axle, but that won't be your problem. And I think you even get discounts on, like, food and merch and stuff. Hey, Carla. Carmen. All right, we'll go with that. Carmen in Monterey Park.

Carmen. You are caller number 20. Oh, my God, thank you so much. Sorry I got your name wrong, but good news for you. We will write the right name down, and we will make sure you get your tickets. And if you're listening now and your name is not Carmen or Carla, you can still win these tickets again next hour with us and all day long on KROQ. Hold on one second, and thank you for starting your day here on the world-famous KROQ. You can watch us as we are streaming right now on YouTube as well.

Look at Allie's big pregnancy boobs. You can see videos of her weighing those things up on our Instagram right now at KleinAllieShow. You know, I inspired some of my friends, too, and said, I saw you weighing your boobs, and I decided I want to weigh mine. Really? I've had at least three friends that have decided they want to weigh their own boobs And they're not even pregnant Some of them are post-pregnant Some of them don't have kids

Yeah, a good mix And everyone's doing the same method you used, which was the flop? No, well actually one of my friends has a husband who's a science teacher So he's very involved in this experiment And how to make it accurate This is the kind of stuff, like, I wish, god damn, I wish Like if my wife ever came to me and said I've thought of something that I want us to do together

It's always like rearrange the drawer or something like that, which is such a bore. It's never weigh my boobs. Yeah, but if she's ever like, I just got to figure out the right way to weigh my boobs. I would be so involved in it. You'd have little beakers and goggles. I would get all the stuff out. A lab coat. I would take it so seriously.

I would make sure we got an exact number. That's how you learn. But instead, it's always like, what is it? She's like, let's go through this pile of mail. I'm like, oh, man, that sucks. These aren't boobs. They're letters. That sucks so hard.

This hour, we got lots to get into. something nerdy with Jake the Nerd because apparently something historic is going to happen tonight up in the skies above and he'll break it all down for us dummies. We probably won't care but Jake sure does. And we will also get into a round of clickbait in mere moments as we solve the internet's

biggest riddles and that is next on KROQ. Internet design, two reasons and two reasons only. Clickbait, masturbate. We can only do one of them on the radio so let's go ahead and solve an issue. An issue that involves you getting off a phone call that you don't want to be on and the right way to do it because apparently we're all doing it wrong. It's time for clickbait. Here we go.

all right ali we've all been on these calls before sometimes with each other even and uh we want that call to end because this has been going on and there's a lot of rambling maybe you got to get to somewhere else and there's a proper way to end a call that's been going on for too long according to a this is an etiquette expert and none of us are doing the right thing supposedly. Well, I know what you do, and that's not, I don't think what you do is approved by an etiquette expert, and that is just to hang up.

Alright, alright, okay. And then you call back, and no one answers, and then later you tell me that something happened with your service. Well, it's true. Someone cut the fiber optic. Or your phone died. Yeah, so people keep cutting the fiber optic cables. What do you want me to do? I would say that the answer's probably not

lie, which is what you do. No, I hate, when I do that little mumble and hang up, which you guys all claim I do and everyone's got a great impression of, supposedly. Johnny, you going to chime in

on this too? All right, Johnny, be good. I'll see you. Oh, here's my kid. All right, gotta go. Bye. I said,

here's my kid. I gotta go. I'm getting in the car. My wife's got... All excuses. All the things at once. You couldn't pick. You had to go with all.

Threw the whole thing at me. That's why what you guys are doing... I'm in a wind tunnel. My kid and my wife. What you guys think is me mumbling and hanging up... I hate you doing it with my wife.

That's actually me saying all the excuses quickly. So you can pick the one that fits you. Kid's wife got a gun. Just sent him to school. Jonathan Canyon got a gun. I throw in whatever. I give you six different excuses. So you just hit him like boom, boom, boom, boom, like a Tommy gun.

And then you pick the one that fits you. And you go, Klein had to go. He was in the canyon. Or Klein had to go. His kids were there. Right. At a very weird time, 6 p.m. Well, maybe mine is the right way to do it.

But we don't know the answer yet. I just don't think an etiquette expert would suggest any of what you do. Great. So I'm going to say that... You guys all do such a good impression. I didn't know I had so many impressionists on the show. You guys all have a spot-on impression of Klein hanging up the phone? Jesus Christ.

And they're all different, but accurate. I would say it's going to be, I've got to go. I have another phone call. You're supposed to fake another phone call. I'll fake another phone call. Sorry, I really got to take this. I'm going to have to call you back later. Don't people, can't you hear when someone else is getting another?

Usually there's. I don't think so. Yeah, I can hear when someone else is getting like a click, a click or something. I can hear when you do it. You go, click, click. Oh, no, I've got another phone call. My kids are here. Click, click.

Is that you? It's just me making the noise. Click, click. Hold on. Sorry. I'm on the line with a real bore fest. Let me get off. It would either be that or faking the bad reception.

According to an etiquette expert, this is the way you're supposed to get off a phone call. that you feel like you've been on for long enough and you have to get off and none of us are doing it the right way. Allie says you say, I got to take this other call. Jake, what is the answer? Maybe you're supposed to fake an emergency.

Like, oh, my kid got into something. My dog got into something. I just got in an accident. Whatever. Yeah, I just think there's a lot of follow-ups with that after the fact. Like, you have to make up a pretty big lie when it never happens.

When I tell you the answer... All right, I'm okay, I'm okay, man. See, that sounds good. My kid died. I gotta go, right? I've never said my kid died. I have said many versions of my kid. My kid died, Grandma.

They're all dead. Leave it to me. Airplane's taking off. Got to go. I have sometimes said that before. One time I tried to get off by saying I was in a parking garage. I was going to lose service. And then when I went to hang up, I accidentally FaceTimed.

And the person could clearly see that I was outside with clouds above in every direction. So the answer is no one's right. what you're supposed to do according to this and I think this sounds ruder than what this is ruder than what I do for sure.

You're supposed to listen to this Jedi mind trick. I bet the etiquette person's like I don't want to talk to you anymore. Like they just tell you the truth. The easiest way to end

a rambling conversation is to pretend that you're actually doing the other caller a favor by freeing up their time. Oh. I'm going to let you go. And you're supposed to say

let me let you go. Mm-hmm. Or I'm going to let you go. Have a good rest of your day and or night. So you're supposed to make it seem like I'm inconveniencing you. By continuing this. Right. So listen, I'm just going to let you go in the middle of the story you're telling me about whatever the hell your hopes and dreams are.

Hey, hey, you need more time. Now, there's no way this is right. No, I've done this before and said, I'll let you go, but, you know, I'll talk to you later. And there really are no follow-up questions there. And I think the person does feel a little more appreciated. Like, oh, you value my time. Let me try this in real life. Hey, Ryan, you're on KROQ.

Good morning. Hi, good morning. I'm going to let you go. I'm sorry, say again? I'm going to let you go. My kid's dead. I got to get back to the airport. I'm in a parking garage now.

I can't talk. Okay. Allie believes that this is the most important picture you will take in your entire life. More important than your wedding photos. more important than driver's license more important i think you're crazy because of how rare you use a passport no because you use this one for longer it's 10 years i understand you're going to have that picture at least 10 years and in those 10 years you're going to show it to maybe three people i will be looking at it and i will know you will look at your own passport and look

at all of the stapless pages oh my god where's my excuse me i have stamps look at all these blank pages where I could have had stamps. I get upset because I got a new passport and all the stamps are gone. I would really like to transfer the stamps so that I can fill up the book. Do they at least put a hole in it and let you keep the passport as a souvenir or do they take it back? I do get to keep it this time. I thought you had to send in

your old passport. I thought they shredded it. No, you get to keep it now. Those are your memories. And if you do some travel, not that anyone's ever really done that, but I guess it would be fun to look back and go, well, look at that time I went to Mexico. There's a stamp right there to prove it. But for the most part, But Allie believes that the passport photo is the most important.

And she's so sick and tired of taking these terrible photos of herself. Well, the last one I took was so incredibly bad. Are we talking about the race pictures you take that are terrible when you run in the races? No, that's different. Those are different. So you had a 10-year for a decade. You were stuck with a terrible, embarrassing passport photo. Yeah, I will send it to the group right now just because I do want for reference you to know what it looked like before.

And so this time you decided going into taking the pictures, I'm going to go ahead and stack the deck in my favor as best I can. Did you get a blowout or something before? No, I didn't do anything like that. However. Some people, I'm not kidding. Some people will actually like the day they're going to take a driver's license photo or a passport photo will do a legitimate beauty regimen before, which seems to me like why? Who cares? It's a whole thing on TikTok.

Watch me get ready to take my passport photo. Stop it. And I'm going to follow this girl's advice. And there's, like, specific video of how she does her makeup for a passport. But it's hard because even if you do all that blowout and makeup and all that stuff, they don't want you to smile. Like, in the passport photo, I sent men in a smiling one, and they said, this won't work. They go, eee. No, because I got to take it at home.

Why? I got to do it at home. Did they force you to do it at home? You'll do this in the... Stay at home. Don't come to the DMV. The opposite of a passport is to stay at your house. No, now I can renew my passport online, and instead of going into a passport photo place,

you can take it at home, provided you use their criteria. You have to have a white background. It can't be all shadowy and weird-looking. A white background with your face versus floating eyeballs. Seriously. And that was the problem I was having, Clyde. I thought it used to be a blue background, or is that the driver's license? This is a white or light gray background, and they filter it and check it before approving it.

And they have to 100% know that you are not using any filters or help or glow up features or anything like that. No AI polishing. Right. Because the idea is if you bring in your own picture, most people would go to like a CVS or post office, Walgreens, whatever. Some guy that gives zero Fs grabs a camera. Sometimes it looks like it's the first time they've ever used it. Stand there, click, here's your picture. And you go, eee.

And this was my last passport photo. This was taken, so this expired. So this was over 10 years ago that this was taken. And I went into one of the places and got no choice in the matter. Oh, my God. It's not good, guys. That's 10 years ago. That looks like 10 years in the future.

I know. I look horrible. You look like a mom from Wisconsin. Yes, I know. I look like I'm faking a passport. Wow. That is a terrible hairstyle you went with, too. Well, that was just what was going on with my hair at the time.

But also, I had my roots were showing. For some reason, my face looks way smaller. Like, my facial features are so tiny compared to my head. It's weird. You have a tiny head but a huge forehead. So it's a weird mixture right there. You've got the five head. And the lighting is not doing me any favors because, yeah, I'm pasty.

But in all seriousness, the idea of who's really, other than you, who's looking at the passport. Your passport is pretty, like, private. I don't think you have it on display. So you show it to someone at customs once in a while. Yeah, but I know that it looks better. So when it was my time to pick my new photo, take my new photo, I had the control. So I was putting my computer, balancing it on different levels of chair. Oh, your computer has that built-in filter in your computer.

Yeah, it won't do it for pictures. Oh, it won't? No. You've tried it? No, it broke. Yeah. So I'm moving to different walls, different backgrounds. I'm cropping.

I'm uploading. And there was finally one that I was like, okay, this is just going to have to do. I've been doing this for like 45 minutes. I have to give up you know one day and eventually you just have to call a spade a spade like it's not going to get better and my face is not symmetrical one of the eyes looks differently shaped so in a straight head-on like I'm better at an angle if I'm looking straight onto the camera it's very strange you look like a Picasso yeah or it looks like I'm going like this even it looks like I have my head cocked and that I'm doing a weird crazy eyes thing even when I'm just

looking straight at the camera what's wild to me is that you spend 10 years going I can't wait till I can get a new passport so I can try to do a do-good photo in this time. Yeah. Because I've had bad, you know, I had a driver's license picture I think when I was 22 and it was actually a good picture of me

and it was probably the only good picture I've ever taken and I tried to milk that, I milked that picture for- You try and keep it. I had a really good one. I kept it for like three different renewals and finally they just looked at me and go, you don't look like this at all.

Yeah, I know. And then you're gonna have to do a different picture. I think it was not my 16th birthday but the next one I had taken, I was tan, I was hot, i looked great and i didn't even barely have makeup on i just looked refreshed and happy and then i tried to keep it for as long as i could wants to not not allow you to have a good it's like they they like the idea of knowing that they're going to ruin your next five years

passport people 10 years right it's because let's be honest when you arrive in the country you're just coming off the airplane so you actually look like how you arrive from the airplane yeah oh yeah this matches yeah exactly you look haggard and gross when you're showing them your passport yeah because if you look too good then they go wait a minute who the hell's this i actually would rather someone look at the picture and then in real life go hey you're a better version than this i would hate someone to look at the picture and they go yeah what happened to you 818 said my hey my mom's from wisconsin and she's beautiful okay sorry so i got my passport photo i sent it in it was approved again i had submitted one and it said you're smiling too much

please submit one where you're not smiling so this was the one that was approved and i just got it in the mail, and I am so happy with it. You're happy with that? What? Allie, why are you... You look terrible. That's much worse than the other one. Guys, I look like, who is she? What is she doing, a woman of

mystery? She's not smiling. She's got eyebrows. Look at her. Do you see your giraffe neck in that picture? What? Giraffe neck? It goes all the way. I'm long and mysterious. Sorry, I even had to try cropping it out a little bit for you, Allie, but that thing was

damn long to get in the post. It doesn't even all fit in the square. You thought this was a good picture. Well, look at the top one. It's all pixeled, so it's like grainy and you don't know, look, how hot she is. We're going to fill in the blanks here. You look like a tortoise. No, I don't. And then I've got this thing with my

eyebrows where I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I'm just a mysterious woman trying to go to a different country. I'm not saying this to be funny. I'm really not. I think you're being funny trying to pretend you think this is a good picture. No, I think this is a good photo. I'm happy with this. This is worse than your running picture.

You want to hear what ChatGPT has to say about it? Yes. Yes, I do. It says, the lighting is atrocious. It has a warm, murky quality of a photograph discovered in a box label evidence from 1987. Okay. Come on. This is now you put it on a funny filter or something.

There's a giant shadow around her head and hair. It makes the person look like they're being integrated by a desk lamp. Yeah, that's mysterious. That's not a good picture. The fact that you put that much effort and thought into this. You think it's worse than this one? Yes. No way.

Yeah, put them both side by side. Let the people decide. I promise you. Donzo. Yeah, thank you, Johnny. Put the old one and the new one. Vanessa, be honest. You'll be honest with Allie.

Okay. You look pretty, but you look a little bit ghostly. I know. You look like, are you a ghost? Yeah. The face is extremely flatly lit. It's supposed to be. You look like you're from the 1940s.

I know. It does look like that. A different time period, you guys. Those old-timey photo booths to get her picture taken for her passport. 323 said you should put Ali's serious photo on a wanted poster. 626 said Ali in general looks like a Picasso painting. Yeah, but that's the thing. This picture, to me, is giving like she's wanted by the authorities for a terrible crime.

Right. On old-timey cowboy clothes. Yeah, like a cowboy crime. Guys, we're all saying the same thing. You're viewing this as negative. This woman was raping horses. That's what I'm getting from this. You look like a dude trying to make it into the WNBA.

You know what? That actually is a spot on. Whoever said that. Again, we're saying this like it's a bad thing. I can't believe. I still can't figure this out. Are you being funny when you say this? No, I really like this.

What did your wife say? She hasn't seen it yet. Okay. I'll ask her. You texted to her. Hold on. Let me get her on the phone. Is she available to talk?

This looks like a woman who died on the Titanic. It does. And they just found her in the water. I definitely was a third-class passenger. That's Allie floating under the door in the old Titanic. I'm calling your wife after this song. Okay. And do not text it to her.

I want to get her reaction in real time because she's your wife, and she should be honest, and hopefully she'll feel the way you do, but I have a feeling she won't. 310 on the text line wanted to let us know that the picture you take on your work ID, especially if you have to wear it around, is way more significant because that you're wearing constantly around your neck. People are looking at it, and they're judging you by it. So that one's pretty bad as well.

Those ones are grainy and bad-looking too. If you've shifted a lot, Allie just got herself a new passport photo that she was happy with until she got the reviews from people. I'm still happy with it. Passport photo looks like she was booked at 2.47 a.m., and the photographer was also the arresting officer. Looks like she got caught trying to smuggle 14 pounds of beef jerky across the border. Some of the many thoughts that are coming through as people are looking at Allie's old photo. She thought it was much better. new passport than her old passport.

818 said she went from looking happy and carefree in the first photo to looking very sad and worried in the second photo. Like she's being chased by a ghost. 323, I would rather have a Wisconsin mom than a Titanic ghost. Meanwhile, someone said Allie puts the ass in passport. So you got that going for you as well. I think we know who sent that

in. There's something happening. Is your wife, I don't have her number. I used to have her number. Yeah, I have her number, obviously, but she's not. You have your wife's number? I do. Wow. She came. I even have it memorized. But she's, no, she's super busy this morning. Oh, she is?

Yeah. She's too busy to look at this picture of you and give us honest feedback? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send her a text with the picture. There's school stuff happening. And just say, what do you, give me your honest feedback. And at some point, interrupt the show when she gets back to you, which I know will happen at some point, I'm sure. Meanwhile, there's something happening in the skies today.

Something that has never happened before in our lifetime and never happened again. And it's actually not one thing. It's three different things that are all happening at the same time. And there's only one person on the show that made it their mission to drive overnight so they could witness an eclipse only to get there and see clouds. And that is our resident nerd, Jake the Nerd, who would like to share with you something nerdy. He's got ulcer colitis. He's Jake the Nerd. He's got a controllable turd.

So spread the word. He's got a dog in his backpack. His name's Kippy. Here is Jake the Nerd with something nerdy. Alright, once again, it's time for the bit that never leads up to the intro. It's the biggest sky watching day of the year. Three major celestial events are happening today. First, a six planet alignment of Jupiter, Mercury, Mars, Uranus, and Saturn happens.

What time does it happen? Well, it already did. Right before 6 a.m. this morning. Damn. So we really should have done this bit yesterday. No. Second, a total solar eclipse is happening in Spain and parts of Portugal. So you're going to miss that, too.

And lucky you, you could have done what I did and drive 20 hours to see the eclipse, only to have the cosmos diss you with having it be too cloudy. All I saw was it having to get dark for a minute. It sucked. But what you're not going to miss is the Perseid meteor shower that happens tonight. Here we go. The most beloved meteor shower of the year. Best time to see that is any time tonight before 2 a.m.

Just make sure to take time to drive hours away from the city lights to still be disappointed. I've done that, too. One year, I drove an hour into the San Gabriel Mountains to watch the meteor shower, and I didn't see Jack. In conclusion. How much time have you wasted driving to see things? So much time. You haven't seen. You know, they have tornado chasers.

He's a boring chaser. He's just a bornado chaser. I've seen nothing yet again. I mean, you think one time you get screwed by doing this. You just say, that's it for me. I'm not doing that. I do assume, though, in Southern California, you probably won't see much in the sky. Well, you've got to keep driving.

If I see one star, I'm like, whoa. Yeah, then you realize it's just a neon from a 7-Eleven. It's Starlink. It looks better. I'd rather see neon from a 7-Eleven. Yeah. But in conclusion, once in a lifetime. Thank God.

It's the only thing I look forward to in this whole bit is the in conclusion. You know what? Me too. I miss the clouds. Next time, let's start with the in conclusion. Forget all the preamble. Hey, welcome to Something Nerdy. In conclusion, once in a lifetime, celestial events

are almost always overrated, especially if you're me. Yeah. The planet aligning thing was kind of cool. When they explained that, I was like, whoa, there's like every movie villain is now, you know, primed to take over Earth. Like, that's what happens in the movie.

Yeah, you're just like, oh, that's cool. And we still all missed it. Yeah. Yeah, a zombie woke up from a pyramid. Yeah. Like, something's about to go down. Totally. But you're saying this has now happened

and we're past it. Happened before 6 a.m. And now it's not going to happen again for how many years? Ever? I think ever. Oh, that was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. And we all missed it.

And we missed it. And we didn't miss this. No, we didn't. This is what we should have missed. It's funny. We missed the thing we shouldn't have missed and this stupid thing we got. You know, it's funny

because I was on my way to work when they were talking about the planets aligned and I looked up at the sky and saw nothing. And I was like, no, right? Well, right. Like, I think even if we are in the right time and place, we need a telescope

probably to see most of this stuff, right? It's just like white dots in a row. Like, who cares? All right. That's been something nerdy with Jake the Nerd, everyone. He's Jake the Nerd. He's got a controllable turd.

So spread the word. He's got a dog in his backpack. His name's Kippy. Here is Jake the Nerd with something nerdy. Back in a second. When we return, we have ADD news to get into. Then we will get into more tickets for you. Six Flags, Magic Mountain.

The four-pack will be in about 15 minutes right here on KROG. terrible for you well i gotta let go from that job oh boy oh man another one another one and yes yes we are responsible hey guys i don't know if you remember me i called a long time ago about getting called into hr multiple times because i was doing drops from the show see listen to the show that's right and then you start saying things in the workplace and they make sense to you because don't share it's overrated and then you're saying them to some co-worker that doesn't know who the hell we are and next thing you know you're going to have a meeting with hr well i gotta let go from that job uh not because of the drops it was a little uh man versus machine situation oh

guy got replaced by ai all right at least we don't feel responsible for that so the level one customer service uh got replaced with ai level one what level do you think they keep humans at i would think you should start with humans and then go like level six is ai level six it's kind of like a tyson's punch out where you got a couple of human glass joes before you start getting the really good fighters i see so i think that what's going on is this guy got replaced they probably got rid of all the tier one customer service people with robots anyway so these past couple of weeks i've been looking for a job and there was one job in particular that i was really hoping to get so i actually got the interview uh so just like how i can't help myself doing drops from

the show i also can't help myself answering stupid questions with stupid answers oh no There are certain people that aren't good interviewers. No, no, no, no. And I was never that good. Yeah, I'm one of them. Yeah, I'm not good at it. I'm not good at asking or answering. That's why Allie went into a profession of interviewing people, because she's so bad at it.

She's like, I want to make that my daily job. It's not my strong suit. No, it's not. So I'm doing the interview, and then the guy asks me, what is your greatest weakness? And I'm thinking, God damn it. That's a terrible question, and it gets asked at every job interview. And usually you have to say something BS, like I care too much. I don't know how to shut my brain off.

All I want to do is work, work, work. I'm just always available. Always available. I got to give myself some me time, but I don't do it because I prioritize this company and your profits, sir. That's what you got to say. I have to delegate. I take on too much.

And everyone knows the right BS answer. The people that answer that question, honestly, they're like, well, I'm a kleptomaniac. I have a drinking problem, so usually I'm late to work most days. Yeah, we all know. In fact, they should ask the question differently. They should say, what is your greatest fake weakness? Are you going to tell me? And then let's get to the real one.

For three months, I check out, usually. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not going to care about this job as soon as I get it. So rather than my usual stupid answers like bullets, poison, you know, things like that. Those are funny answers. What's your greatest weakness? Bullets. I would hire that guy immediately.

Getting shot in the face. Well, you're hired. I'm like, the Klein and Allie show? And then he's like, what was that? The Klein and Allie show? Anyway, long story short, he's a huge fan of the show. No way. What?

The odds of that. We bonded over the show for a bit, and he had to cut in every short. And he said, never come back here. Oh, my God. And as I'm heading out, there was a ton of people that were dressed better than me. They smelled nicer than me. There was even a guy that had tabs on his resume. I'm over here with my double-sided, single-page resume.

So I'm like, okay, I'm clearly not going to get the job, but, you know, that's fine. I tried my best. And guess what, you guys? I just got the onboarding email. No way! So I officially start this Monday. Wow! So, congratulations.

You got yourself a job. I don't know if our show is responsible, but good for you. Getting a new job is a great feeling. It feels like you've been chosen. And even better, now you can do the inside jokes in the workplace with this person. So, you have a partner. It's not just out of the blue. And if that's your boss, I don't know if that's just the hiring guy, but if that's your boss, then you're...

You guys can walk in the hall, Diddy, great guy like Diddy. Great guy like Diddy. High five. Thank you for ruining my life. But more importantly, thank you so much for indirectly saving my life. You're welcome. I don't think it was because of the show, to be honest. But I do think that you guys gave me the edge over the other candidates.

Great. Thank you. Hopefully, you won't hear from me again in the future. Okay, Dino. There you have it. Beautiful. Thank you for the message. What a great, positive way to get into this, your news.

Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. I'll counteract that positive news by talking about the death of Jackie the bald eagle. Still. That's still in the news cycle. Well, you know what's interesting is there's information now being shared on what's going to happen to Jackie's little eagle body. Because there's a process that happens to every bald eagle. And I had no idea this was the process.

So they'll do a little necropsy. They'll, you know, die. They'll, um. Necropsy? Yeah, they're going to open her up. An autopsy, you mean? I guess they call it a necropsy in her situation. Isn't that where you have sex with the dead thing?

That's necrophilia. Oh. Close, though. They're going to have sex with her first. I mean, it seems like so unnecessary. We got to F her dead body, and then we're going to send her on her way. That's like one of those words you want to make sure you didn't get a typo on when you wrote it. It auto-corrected necrophilia.

I was trying to write necropsy. Yeah, so that's going to happen in San Diego. So they're moving her to San Diego right now. Then they're going to send her to Colorado to the National Eagle Repository. And I did not know what that is, but apparently they receive, evaluate, store, and distribute all eagle remains and parts and feathers to the Native Americans. because apparently the Native Americans still use these in, like, religious ceremonies. So they have all of these eagle parts that they process at this one place, and they send them out to all the Native American tribes so that they can use it in their rituals.

Well, I will say, you know, we are a, you know, at least modern day, we're a culture of wasters. But the Native Americans, they will use every part. Send it our way. They'll make a hat out of the feathers. They'll eat the beak. They'll figure out something to do with every part of it. Oh, yeah, beaks do. To make sure that Jackie's life is completely, you know, celebrated in every possible way.

No waste. Exactly. Got to drink that beak, right? Wind chimes made of the bones, Allie. The whole, every part of Jackie will be used. I don't know if any of the things you're making are. What's that sound like, Allie? No, you're getting your noises confused.

That's your hibachi noise. I know. I have to work on being more offensive to the Native Americans. Walmart's not here, so we can't play the right noises today, so sorry. We're in an interesting phase in America because cigarette smoking is down slower than ever. Weed use is up. There are more weed smokers than cigarette smokers now. And in general, drinking is down, but drinking for pregnant women is up.

Hey, what a great time to be pregnant, Allie. And we're not talking one glass of wine. We're talking heavy drinking pregnant women. The amount of women that are drinking during pregnancy is up 60%. Binge drinking is up 77% for pregnant ladies. And just general heavy drinking during pregnancy is up over 150%. And that's just in the last 13 years. So apparently the myths are out the window.

No one cares anymore. Is this pregnant people that don't know they're pregnant and they're drinking or they are choosing to drink because... You know, it didn't say in the study, but these people were studied. So if they didn't know they were pregnant, how could they be studied? They must know. I guess. And do they not believe in science anymore or did they change the... Because sometimes they go, yeah, drinking is not cool.

I remember when my wife was pregnant with our first kid, the guy was like, I don't really like any drinking. I think any amount of drinking is too much. But then by the same guy, by the second kid, was like, yeah, you can have a cup of glass of wine. Yeah, I think that stigma has changed a little bit because there are many pregnant women I know that will drink a little bit throughout their entire pregnancy. But then I think you know what it is. It's the parents, the boomer parents going, I drank and smoked with you and you were fine. Now people are like, well, fine, I guess I'll just continue drinking then. because everyone else in the 50s was okay.

It seemed like when parents were binge drinking and smoking while pregnant, those kids were born with no peanut allergies. And now, all of a sudden, everyone's going like, I want to have a clean, gluten-free pregnancy with no booze. And the kid comes out,

and he's allergic to everything. Exactly. Here's a chance to make some money. Pregnant ladies, I guess this is more booze money for you. There's a reward for the person or people being offered who cut those fiber optic cables

that screwed up everybody's Verizon service over the weekend. I'll throw into that reward. You ruined my day. If you know who did it, you can get a $25,000 reward if it leads to the arrest. Apparently, these incidents are happening more and more. And it's all over the country, but mostly in California and especially in Southern California. They say what's happening is that the people are cutting the lines because they're looking for copper to steal.

And then after they cut the wire, they realize that there is no copper inside. Well, we may have to get a new batch of signs. Forget about these Klein Alley, please don't rob me signs. Maybe some Klein Alley show. These are not copper wire signs. Please don't cut me. Don't cut me. I'm not copper.

I mean, that's a great way to let people know ahead of time. Save them some time and trouble and also keep... Open that panel and go, oh, I see the sign. I got to walk away. Got to walk away. All right. Well, we get into a brand new hour of the show in moments. Perhaps the greatest hour of your life.