Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Ally's Passport Pic Review, Morning Texts and MORE

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock.

Hell yeah, good morning. Wishy potions. Cooking some wishy potions. Oh no, you've all been cursed as we get into a brand new hour of the show. I'm a tale of a newt. That's only one of her many curses. Apparently Vanessa's been putting curses upon us all week, including... Anhedonia.

Anhedonia. Don't say it. Upon both your houses. Don't say it again. If she says it once, it's okay, but if she says it twice, we're all screwed. I hate Donia. No, don't, Vanessa, don't. Good morning and welcome to your KROQ, your Klein Alley Show.

It is just after 10 o'clock in something that used to be known as summer hours. And here we are now, back to school hours, rolling on, and it's been over a year. Omar, you really hate it less more than anyone at the beginning. Do you still hate it? Still hate it. Yes. Just making fun. Yeah, man.

It makes me kind of like, you know, on to the next by 11. And now it's just in the middle of the day. Just kind of like, it throws me out of whack. I mean, for years on Kevin Bean, you know, the show ended at 10 o'clock. Then I would, you know, kind of do my production stuff until about noon. Now it's weird. It's still weird. There's only one way that we can get to the bottom of this and solve it once and for all.

On Haydonia. There we go. We've just put a curse. Now it's back. We're back. We're right back to where we were five seconds ago. If you need us, now is the number. Here's the number to call.

And if you want tickets, we have them for you right now. 800-520-1067. What could you be winning? Good question. Hopefully you've been paying attention this week because we have tickets for you to go to, listen to this, Six Flags, Magic Mountain, thrill capital of the world.

And one lucky person is not only going to get the four pack of tickets that we're giving away right now, they'll also get a pair of 2027 gold passes so you can attend Six Flags every day, which I think means you can drop out of school and just spend your life riding the rides. Yeah, dude. If you could, if I, you know, when I was 14, 15, 16,

That was like all I wanted to do was be at a theme park. The idea of being able to go to whatever theme park I wanted multiple times without any blackout dates, pretty incredible. I just got invited to go to a friend's, listen to this, 40th birthday. This is not a kid's thing. 40th birthday, he's going to Six Flags. Cool. They were going to get, the plan was to get, have a great time. And then they were going to Airbnb, a place right by Six Flags.

Even though they live here, only an hour away, you know, but they were going to Airbnb, a place by there, so they could go back and forth and go back and forth. That was the plan. Like they were going to go multiple days. I think that was the plan. And this guy said it was more fun at 40 than he remembers it being when he was 15 going there. Maybe because you feel like you have more to lose. But also. You have more responsibilities, so you have more of a fear of death, so it's more thrilling.

I think it's more the idea that, you know, usually if you have kids of your own, you feel obligated to bring them to any sort of a fun place. But if you just decide, I'm going to do this thing, no kids. That's why Disneyland was great when me and Katie went without our kids. So. We get to enjoy all the adult rides. Call 20. That puts us in Southgate.

And we say good morning to Yesenia. Yesenia, good morning. Welcome to K-Rock. Hi. Thank you so much. You are the 20th caller at this exact moment. Good morning. Those tickets are as good as yours, and maybe we call you back with some gold passes for all of next year, all right?

Awesome. Take care. Thank you so much. Thank you. I like that. In and out. Take care. Goodbye, now. She grabbed them. Bye-bye. I'm going to let you go. Remember, that's what we learned yesterday.

Yeah, she did that to us. I'm going to let you guys go. And I feel respected. It's Klein Alley Show, and this is KROQ. K-Rock, we were at Klein Alley Show yesterday. Today, Allie got the exciting news that her passport had been not only approved, but was printed. And she received a passport to travel internationally, however she damn well pleases. Also got a new photo.

She said she was finally able to redo the photo from 10 years ago, which she thought was a terrible picture. And she was right. And then she took a new picture that she was very proud of, only to realize that that was also a terrible picture. Based on all of the many, many comments and memes that people have sent through the Klein Allie Show Instagram. And I had decided that I liked the picture. I still feel like it's one of my better photos. You guys pointed out a lot of things that I hadn't noticed. Mostly neck, just a lot.

And I know that I'm a wide neck guy, but Allie's a long neck guy. So what we lack in talent and everything else, we surely make up for in neck. Man, our necks combined, they're unstoppable. Powerful. And who knew that that's the pillar holding this whole show together. It's just this, you're, and that neck, Allie's is so long that actually you couldn't even crop it really into the passport picture. It kind of went over almost like she may have to have two pictures on the passport to fit in the neck.

Well, the other thing is if it's too close up or too cropped, it looks even weirder for me. I do better far away, like a painting, like a Monet painting. Yeah, we're all better far away. If it's really close up and, yeah, you cut off, you have to cut off at the shoulders, then it just looks like all neck. But I decided to ask my wife and kid what they thought of it because they hadn't seen it yet. And I wanted a little bit of redemption from the people who love me most. And sometimes it's a brutal honesty and sometimes it is the most dishonesty because they just want to appease you. So it'll be interesting to find out which way they went.

This is Allie showing her photo that had mixed reactions from this show to her wife and kids for the wife and child for the very first time. I started with my child. What do you think, Wesley? Was that him saying black? That's what do you think, Wesley? he made a throw-up noise yeah and then he pushed the passport away oh man he went well that is the right reaction and then my wife jumped in with more specifics i don't know she kind of looks like wesley he also had the recorder oh yeah to steal it from him to forgive to jake

yeah do you remember ice age the movie ice age with those neanderthal animals with the little one that like rolls the acorn that little squirrel thing oh god let's take a break from that not so encouraging on that as you're a football huh so she says you look like one of the creatures from ice that little squirrel thing that's going after the acorn in the beginning of ice age yeah you kind of do look like that a little bit great it's good thing is is like i mean that's a compliment because that's a compliment this is my this is my way of complimenting me this is a nice compliment because you have a very long calling me a squirrel long thin neck yeah that eyebrow is a lot higher it's like in and what's that woman from she's kind of the like mopey sad

woman from snl oh yeah she comes in rachel dratch is this is her next comparison these are these are not great comparisons no and especially she's known for being i mean she has a whole book about her being the ugly one and this is uh once again this was a quote a picture that you thought was one of the best pictures you ever took that you prepared 10 years for right wow these are great comparisons she comes in okay wesley which one do you like better so now i'm showing him the previous passport photo and the current passport okay this is important now because i didn't i wanted to get more information not this one and not this one he is spot on gotta love that brutal honesty so neither of them no wow man i think his first review summed it up perfectly do you

like what mommy looks like right now when you look at her look at her that's better and those are not okay well he pointed to my face and said that's better yeah and then he pointed to my photos and said and that is not right well there you have it uh brutal family loves the only place to get real honesty anymore is from your wife and children. Yeah. Yeah, that's about right. So there you have it.

There's your first real... A real blech. Jake, was your first review of that blech as well? Oh, dude, it's been blech the whole time. Right, yeah. I mean, I believe

that the one you took 10 years ago was blech and this one's just modern blech. Quite love. That's right. There we go. Quick break. Back with more blech next.

There's no right answer here, but there's definitely a wrong answer. It's K-Rock. We are a Klein Alley show and I don't know if you feel obligated to or if you do this, but apparently...

By choice, because you enjoy it. If you do it by choice, you do it because you're forced to do it, but... Do you do it? I stopped doing it, and I was notified recently that it was... A problem. It was a problem.

Why did I stop doing it? And if you're... And I don't even know if this means... I feel like this is something that would be relationships only, but I guess really technically... I wonder if people outside of relationships do this. This would be very strange if I got this from a friend.

It is the good morning text. The obligatory good morning text. If you don't actually see the person. I guess that would only be if you don't actually communicate. Oh, I'll say either way. Always text. Really? No.

Because I'm just saying, oh, even if they're right next to each other, text. I'm just thinking, like, if you guys are on different schedules and someone leaves for work before someone else, which is our situation, then do you do you wait until you finally connect again later in the day to say good morning even though technically it would be afternoon by then or or do you feel obligated to send a text that just says good morning which seems so after the first if you're getting the same text every day good morning good morning that's it i say something different every morning but do you say a pleasantry or do you say something like here's what needs to happen today or reminder i try to ease into that so your thing is not a good more because i think what

people like is a good morning text that has no strings attached to it just a you were thinking about you and trying to say good morning which seems this whole good morning thing that seems so dated oh so it's like if you do that every day then it becomes routine and then i really don't care if you have a good morning i just have to do it i think it's well they say it is a low effort high reward high reward yeah just to get an appreciation hey morning love you just an acknowledgement that we're both up and we're both getting at it I got a picture one time of coffee all over the floor of my kitchen and my wife just said I made coffee with a picture of her not putting a cup down and just the Keurig's water falling onto all over the kitchen that was my

good morning and some people think that this is a like I said low effort high reward activity and that there's not a lot of pressure other people feel that it's an excruciating obligatory thing that they have to do and it usually just leads to those types of texts which is i slept badly this is what's going wrong this morning i'm stressed because of this and it's just opens the floodgate for negativity by the way that's the tech you want to know the text that i get more often it's the how just it's just a how just sleep situation and the answer is always not great it's never been fantastic the best oh i get a list of when the person when she woke up why she woke up, if she woke up when I woke

up, all of that stuff is being reported to me. I understand the idea in a perfect world where if you write a nice message out of the gate, you are trying to set up your day for some level of success where you go, I'm not going to start with anything that's going to be controversial. I'm not going to say, God, you

snored like an asshole last night, which I've received, but you're just going to write something like, hey, hope you have a great day. But Vanessa's right. You get that four or five days in a row, it almost has no value anymore. Yeah, it's like routine texts. i have a friend i have a friend no kidding i hope he doesn't mind me saying this i don't think it'll matter um he would bring his i think he brought his wife flowers every single day oh no what is

he homeless now is he broke they are divorced yeah what are you making up for that you need to buy flowers every day because he did it he did it a few times and she liked it and then he just kept doing it and then i guess one day he didn't and she's like no flowers and so every day he's But the house just looks like she had surgery every day. Yeah, it was a funeral home. I don't think it had to be a bouquet of flowers, but I think it was just every day showed up with a flower, and I was like, I guess if it's working for you, it's working for you.

I don't know, whatever. And then apparently it wasn't working anymore. Yeah, because, I mean, you're right. Yeah, you set up an expectation, so then if the flowers go away. But also, after a while, it's just more flowers. It probably, the first few times, it was, oh, my God, that's so sweet. By the 50th time, it's going to be just throw them on the counter with the other ones. I will customize, you know, if I know she has certain things going on,

have a good workout whatever it is this morning i just said morning honey i love you and then she said morning i love you too do you like your soda waters warm and then we discussed how i left the soda waters out and she wants to put them in the fridge oh so that's her way of getting sticking it to you thanks for not putting this away do you want your soda waters warm oh my oh who wants their soda waters warm why would i say yes if i say yes divorce me that's the that's that's her that's her way of being like you didn't do something like i'm gonna finish this task you couldn't complete i think we should go back to the days where you didn't have to text you just waited for each other yeah i know well and then you also don't need to share everything that's

going on that is the that is the reality of everyone feels the need to share everything immediately and i get it we don't have a memory to remember stuff anymore so if you don't tell it immediately you just assume you'll forget but i'll get a text that'll say like you'll never believe who i just ran into at insert whatever place she was at and then i'll say you're who And she goes, guess. And I go, ah, I just make up, I just. Adam Sandler. Yeah, I just throw in, no.

Any hints or are we just going to play this game forever, you know? No. And then the answer will always be someone who I don't know who they are. And you don't care. Yeah. Yeah. She'll be like, do you know so-and-so, so-and-so who does TikTok face reviews of lip serum or something? Face reviews.

And I'm like, no. She goes, well, she was there. Okay. You could have saved that for the end of the day. I don't know who these people are. I don't know. Where in this world do you think she thinks that you would have guessed that? That's what I can't figure out.

I think it's not about the if I'm going to get it right. It's got to be that she likes the game, the guessing game of some sort. Or likes that I'm going to fail every time. Right, she just likes to see you fail. Probably, that's it. I just want to see you text back and forth with me. See how long I can go. It's just wild.

909 said they get an occasional booby pick with a good morning three times a week. Three times a week? Booby pig. Kill for that. Booby pig, booby pig, booby pig. Let's see what I got. Then that boob is not that special anymore. No, that's always special.

You get it three times a week. I know, that is a lot. That's always special. That's a lot of boob. This is what I got this morning. This was the first text this morning. You are scaring me about earthquakes and spiders. Oh, I've gotten that one before.

That was her way of saying that she, I guess, had the show on or something or listened to the show, which I've told her not to do. Yeah, I've told her, yeah. And then I just wrote, thanks for listening. And then nothing. Just like a generic response to a DM that you'd get on Instagram. Yeah, I wrote back the thing. Thanks for all the support.

I wrote the thing we write back to people who text the text line. Thanks for believing in me. It's the Thank You for Texting Klein Alley Show. Your message may be read on the air. Don't forget you can listen on the Odyssey app. I told her all that. Omar, you don't do a text for your wife, do you? No, I don't.

Most of the texting back and forth are, you know, child-related. You know, for instance, she has back to school tonight, so we're going to arrange somebody to take my daughter to the batting cages. It's always kind of business. Business, right, and that's the thing they're trying to avoid, right? Because, well, they say, but that's the reality. And all this pleasantry crap, we all know it's just... It's just leading to the...

We're getting to the business, eventually. The complaining in the business. This is why you guys get all mad at me the way I hang up the phone. When the conversation is over, there's no need for 15 goodbyes, let's talk again soon, let's do lunch one day. It's just goodbye, click, goodbye. I actually got that from you yesterday. It was ironic that we had talked about it because we had talked on the phone,

and then you were like, all right, my girls are here. And then I think you started faking another conversation with a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. I bought it. And then you hung up. You started a fake conversation. I have done that before.

Which I'm fine. We can just get off the phone. I talked to you enough. Yesterday was a real, yesterday that was a real conversation. I have done that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ready. I'm ready.

I've got the practice. Well, I had to go. It was the first day of school. I had to go pick him up. Yeah, I know. It was hectic. And there's the whole, the amount of rules to follow. You got to go here.

You got to stand in this thing. You got to wait here. Don't be late. The whole thing. The second full-time job begins. Yeah. That's terrible. One summer again.

But good morning. Love you. All right. We'll do some takeaways from today's show. KROQ. KROQ. We are a Klein Alley show. And let's go ahead and wrap things up with takeaways from today's show.

Slug goes in in a moment. He's got more of those tickets for you to go to Six Flags. He'll give you four of them every single hour all day long. And then Kevin will have them for you. And Megan will have them for you. And then tomorrow, I guess that's the last day we do that. So then we'll announce, I guess, who's going to get that 2027 golden ticket. They can enjoy golden passes for all of 2027.

And if you're not into that sort of thing, don't worry. I'm sure we'll have more things to give you in the immediate future, like trips and tickets and everything else. All right, takeaways from today's show. What do we got? 503, my takeaway is you have to be a complete failure in order to succeed. 650, Jake plays 69 all the time. 213, synchronized swimming. Now there's a sport.

909 Allie is a long neck guy 818 stay home and be a homeschool hero yeah there's too much traffic now with this whole school back thing so 213 the world is ending it's time to glue our shoes gotta glue them shoes

you need those human shoes the person shoes 818 there are too many genders in Gen Z and 714 my takeaway is Klein loves heads love head I love them. He loves it.

And 424, my takeaway is looking like Scrat is a compliment. Blah. Blah. What's your takeaway from today's show? By the way, if these takeaways don't mean anything to you, it means you're not listening to nearly enough show. And eventually they will mean something. Or you can go ahead and Benjamin Button this whole thing. Here are the takeaways first.

And listen to the show in podcast form after the fact. And all these little Easter eggs will jump out at you. And they'll say, ah, now that's moderately amusing. I'm glad I put in all the time. Also, you can find us on YouTube as well. On the KROX YouTube where we're streaming live every morning. and Instagram, TikTok and all those things

Klein Alley Show. Take away, oh yes, where else? Show for Time where we really went into depth about our sex lives. In depth. Yeah, that came out yesterday too.

Very detailed, very explicit bonus episode. Too explicit. I would, Vanessa said she was uncomfortable listening to it.

What was the most uncomfortable part for you, Vanessa? I feel like we're learning too much about Jake having sex every day and he's so proud of it.

He's like, yeah, I have sex. Yeah, Jake went through a very long drought. Why wouldn't I be proud? Yeah, I mean, let's all celebrate, Jake. It's no different than a sports team that doesn't want a championship in forever, and then they finally get one, and the world's kind of happy for them.

And who are the coaches? Yeah, that's right. Vanessa and I. You guys did it. Jake should pour Gatorade on both of you right now. Jake, we should throw you a parade. That'd be great. Finally, Omar can come.

Omar's torn because it's a work event, but it's also a parade, so he doesn't know what to do. You've got to get there early, set up your chairs. What's your takeaway from today's show, Postmaster Johnny? Jake can really toot his flute. Sure can. That was incredible. I felt like I was there in the Indiana Jones ride.

It was unbelievable. He was spazzing when he was hitting those high notes. You can see that all up on our Instagram as well, Fine Alley Show. Your takeaway from today's show, Vanessa? Let's go, Wesley. Jump him. Jump him. Jump him.

Jump him. Jump him. You have a takeaway from today's show, Jake the Nerd? Yeah, we need a good hoe ratio. A ratio hoe. We need a good ratio hoe. Although I'm concerned now because they're talking about this pool party. And according to this listener, it's going to get out of control regardless of the fact I don't want it to.

You know, a client, I just got off one of those Hollywood van tours where they do the houses to the stars and stuff. Your house was on it, dude. That's not true. So your kegger is going to completely go awry. It's going to turn into a full-on melee. Just a full-on festival. Okay, great. Wonderful.

My wife will be thrilled. What's your takeaway there, Allie? My takeaway is when the big one hits, make sure you duck and tuck. Got to duck and tuck. We learned that from our boomer today during Gen Wars. Omar, have a takeaway? My takeaway is you better comb your curly hair to get the spiders out. Man, not only spiders, but also eggs.

That woman had a terrible situation going on. We'll do it tomorrow and try to do it better. If you need us in the meantime, you can find us all sorts of places, but primarily, I guess, go to Klein Alley Show. All right, that'll do it for us. This jingle's not here again today. What? I don't know what's going on.

Someone play us with the system. I don't like it. I don't like it at all, Allie. Trying to end the show on a high note, but I can't do it. So let's just... Oh, Allie's going to play the jingle on her side. All right, goodbye. Climbing Allie, it's just okay.

Climbing Allie, it's just okay. Climbing Allie, it's just okay. Just okay. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.