Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Drunk Moist Joyce, Darties trend and MORE

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

We'll get into an episode of Klein Alley Show in just a moment, but in the meantime, let's tell you about our absolute favorite place on the planet. Yep, that would be San Bernardino International Airport, where you can go through the airport process without waiting in long lines and overpaying for parking. Quick connections to the Bay Area and the world, plus ski and snowboard in Provo from San Bernardino all winter long. Every other airport, you're going to be in long TSA lines, you're going to be miserable, you're going to say, oh, I got to get there two, three hours before my flight.

Not at San Bernardino International Airport. And now we send you on a direct flight into our podcast, which starts right now. This is the world famous K-Rock. An hour to be locked in on K-Rock. As mentioned a moment ago, we will be getting you into all four of those shows. In fact, every hour, starting pretty much right now through the rest of the day, you'll get a chance to win your access to the next four shows at K-Rock. Last hour, you heard someone crying to get in.

You heard a guy with only a thumb. And you'll have the chances this hour to call and win your way in. I'm not sure how we're going to do that just yet. So just keep listening. Also going to give you an old people's secret so you can live forever. If you want that, don't care about tickets, but just want to live forever. We'll make that happen for you as well. It's nice to see the old people because at first it was just, hey, you're old.

We're going to interview you. Yeah. Now it's an old person wing walking. Now it's an old person who still works at Arby's. It's an old person accomplishment that gets you front and center these days. I think that that's what the old people really want, to still work at Arby's. I think that's really right up there with wing-walking, Allie. I mean, they look like the meat at that point.

I think they are working at Arby's because they have no other choice, and they have to pay to live. Just because they want something to do. Just a fan of the beef. Anyway, we've got lots to get to this hour, so if you need us, phone us, 800-520-1067 to call, to text. There's also a GOAT line there, a variety of messages that have been piling up over the last few days

about a couple of different topics. Let me just see here. You know what? We'll get to this in just a moment. I do want to get into the song from The Strokes right now because it's the least we can do for you. And then we'll get into the entire hour we have in store for you, which will include, as we mentioned, four tickets. Also, Johnny's got his Jason report to tell you about the events you should be knowing about. And we're the greatest stretch of months of the year, that July through November, right in the middle of that.

So get ready as we check in with the Jason Chopper in moments and see what's happening high above and things you could be doing. And that'll be next on KROQ. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's the idiot. If we look to the skies high above Southern California right now, in the Jason Chopper, we have Postmaster Johnny with his very important Jason report. He believes that the greatest stretch of months of the year have nothing to do with Christmas, nothing to do with, you know, the beginning of summer, Memorial Day. No, no, no. All the good stuff he believes happened between the months of July and November. Jason.

Jason, as he calls it. So without any further ado, we go up to the skies high above, and we get Postmaster Johnny with his Jason report. The last few have not been great. He says he's really put more effort in, so let's check in with Johnny in the chopper. Johnny, what's going on in Jason? Johnny, are you up there, Johnny? Here's what's going on this week in Jason.

So the brand new Oasis movie, Don't Look Back in Anger, came out like a week ago. And I'm finally going to go see it with my buddies this week. And it's going to be so sick. And we're probably just going to throw popcorn at each other and just sing along to like every song. It's going to be biblical, mate. And then in October, my cousin's getting married in Santa Barbara. And it's going to be sick because all my uncles and my cousins are going to be there. And I know some chaos is going to ensue at the hotel.

I just know it. I did ask my cousin if some listeners could come. And she said, nah, literally. So I can't. Sorry. And then in November, it's my boy Justin, the engineer's birthday, and we're going to celebrate by going bowling or maybe going for a cruise in his car and then just end the night at going to Bob's Big Boy and restarting our computers.

It'll be sick. And that's what's happening in Jason. That sounds like just what's happening in Johnny's life. That's not Jason at all, Johnny. Damn right. That's Jason and me. No, no, but Johnny, the argument is... You forget that, like, Jason, I brought it to you all excited because it's all about

stuff that happens like in my life that i find like very interesting and fun well you said the greatest shows the greatest movies yeah and i started including the shows and then you're like no stop doing it sounds like a concert calendar k-rock concert calendar well it's a mix of things but but most people listening now to that jason report can't go to bob's big boy with engineer justin and they can't go they probably could we didn't say it was a closed invite well you said that about your cousin's wedding specifically yeah and i said sorry he did say yeah he did That's true. And a Santa Barbara wedding is probably going to be a good time.

So Jason's not the greatest stretch of months for everyone, just the greatest stretch of months for you. Yeah. Look, I added all the other concert fun stuff, but then you're like, change it. And I was like, all right, man. And you weren't here last time, but we played a call from somebody who loved the Jason reports.

What did he say, Allie? I don't remember. Oh, now you don't remember. It was the best. It was so funny. I think they were upset that we weren't doing the Jason reports more often. More often? I think that person had a traumatic brain injury.

More often? Yeah, I mean, I remember at the beginning thinking to myself, wow, I forgot about all this cool stuff that's happening. It's always good to have things to look forward to. Hey, he started with something that came out a couple weeks ago. Right. The Oasis movie. That came out Friday.

That came out Friday. Right, right, yeah. Okay, but he's going to see it. So he might have a review of that eventually. All right. Well, that was the highly requested Jason report from a postmaster, Johnny. Are there any shows that you're excited about going to, Johnny? Yes, and I mentioned them already all the time, but you guys are like, no, change it up. Well, I think we were mentioning that if you're just saying what's happening in K-Rock world,

we kind of already talk about all that stuff. K-Rock world is my world. So, like, look, shows I'm looking forward to, I'm looking forward to Ohana Fest. I'm looking forward to the four amazing sound space shows we're going to have here. Fontaine's Paradox, it's going to be amazing. And then in October, it's literally Showtober. There's like a show every single week. What about what's happening this Saturday?

Oh, Tenderfest, of course. I mean, that's something that a person listening can go, oh, that's something I can look forward to as well. It's not Johnny's cousin's wedding. Johnny's cousin's wedding is going to be an amazing time. What's interesting is that this week is the event at Descanso. Yeah, our big event tomorrow, the show's event. But we've already talked about that and covered it already.

Like, we already got it going on. Not from the chopper, we didn't. How come that's not going to be so sick? And that one you are invited to. Anyone's invited to that. And your cousins and uncles. So, well, anyway, we'll give you tickets later this hour to Tenderfest if you want to eat chicken this weekend.

And this guy called yesterday. I told Story Alley about how I've been replaced by Urkel to be the host of the Contender event, which is the thing I did last time after you sang the National Anthem, and they replaced me with Urkel without telling me. Hey there. I just listened to a Monday show, and I think Kevin Klein does those huge props.

It's got to be so difficult with Ali gone. You've got to introduce the whole show. Not really, by the way. No, that's not any different. It's not difficult at all. As always, Ben, Klein, you're a professional. You're entertaining. You are funny.

I'm a huge fan of the show, but I am especially, especially a huge Kevin Klein fan. Thank you. And so, with that in mind, I was wondering, do you think you can introduce me to Urkel? Oh, you son of a bitch. You asshole. Oh, no.

That guy's just trying to butter me up because he wants to meet Urkel like everyone else. Do you have to co-host with Urkel now? No, no, I'm not involved in that at all. I've been replaced. I thought you were hosting. They've come up with a fake title because they felt bad replacing me with Urkel. Don't you feel like you should just say, no, I'm good? I kind of want.

Bow out? Yeah, I should. Why are you saying yes to a made-up position when they're, like, forcing you to be included? Are they going to pay you in, like, chicken tenders? Oh, there's no payment. I'm not getting paid at all. What? I assume I can eat chicken tenders because I'll be at a place called Tender Fest.

I assume because you talk about Tender Fest constantly that somebody's giving you money. Oh, no. So you're just endlessly plugging Tender Fest out of the kindness of your heart for nothing in return? I've never been paid a dollar to host a Pizza City Fest. Never get paid a nickel. Are you for real? Yeah, free. For the love of the food.

Well, that's just dumb. Why? Dumber than the Jason report we just heard. That's not dumber than the Jason report. Oh, it totally is. It is. It's the love of the food. I love the food

yeah I love the food I want to hear Klein's Jason report but just for food I'll have it ready for you tomorrow I'm not going to be able to do a helicopter though it won't be able to lift me but I'll do it in a truck, a flatbed do that full report and I'll have it for you tomorrow morning when we get back we'll help you live forever with an old people's secret

we will also get you into four shows at KROQ and that will all be happening after this KROQ Klein Alley Show, before we get into the old people's secrets this week and help you live forever and give you tickets to come to the next four shows here at k-rock uh jake ran into moist joyce in the streets which is nothing new because he always seems to do that and she's usually getting onto or off of mass transit but she

is a regular at the same bar that jake's a regular at which i believe we all know by now is champs in burbank and you're there probably three four nights a week jake oh maybe yeah i guess that would be low i would that's your third place it's okay i would say more he's there more than that. Jake, right? Would you say more than three or four times a week? Not three or four times a night, but like three or four times a week, yeah. Sometimes I'm going to do it in the daytime. Right.

So you stop by and have a drink before you're nappy? There's been times I've done that, yeah. So don't judge Jake, because Moist Joyce, he ran into her, he said she was the absolute most drunk he'd ever seen her. And if you don't believe me, you're going to

want to hear this audio, because It is intense, Allie. And as a friend of Moist Joyce, you thought to yourself, I could help this woman, or I could record her. Actually, she said, I need to talk to you. I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you for Clyde Alley Show. That's what she said.

I mean, this is a weird... The inspiration strikes. This is two minutes... Roll the cameras. We've been accused of being a very weird show, and I take that as a compliment. This is about as weird as it's going to get, so you've got to listen to this.

Hey, Moist Joyce, you know. Oh my gosh, I don't care what you ask me, but the bottom line is Roadrunner says beep once for no, beep beep for twice. So she's explaining that doesn't, she's translating Roadrunner speak. Yeah, Jake can ask her anything she wants, he wants to, but she will only answer like the Roadrunner. Which is once for no and two for twice. And two for twice, so... It says beep once for no. Beep, beep for twice.

Can you ask me a couple questions? Did I like the movie? Did you like the movie? Beep, beep. No, you didn't? No, it's a beep, beep. I thought beep was yes. You're so confused.

Beep once for no, twice for twice. Twice for twice. So there is no yes as an answer. No, beep, beep is yes. I'm sorry. Maybe not. So she gave up on her whole system for that. Now the beep beep language isn't working.

They immediately move away into a more important conversation. How wasted are you? Oh, I'm totally wasted right now. I am. Sorry. No, I'm going to the Hollywood Bowl tonight. Oh, are you? So her plan was to go front.

What time of the evening is this, Jake? This is not. This is in the middle of the day. This is like during the football games. Wow. The middle of the day, Joyce. Do you know what she got a hold of that got her so drunk? I know she likes this, like, Long Island iced tea that costs, like, $20.

And she wants it made by a certain bartender who just makes it with, like, 98% alcohol. Well, I think that drink already is, like, 98% alcohol. If you just want to get a hammer quickly, that's a good place to start. That's when I first started drinking. I had to do Long Islands because that was what would get me the most wasted. I think bartenders hate making them, too, because it's kind of annoying. They take a while, yeah. So she's drinking a lot.

And she's had multiple of these? Or this can't just be one? I only saw her with one drink, but I also saw her almost passed out at the table before I talked to her. So this is her beep-beeping with Long Island Iced Teas, and she's off to the Hollywood Bowl after this. What do you see at the Hollywood Bowl tonight?

I know this is somebody. She doesn't know why she's going there. Jason, baby. She just knows that she's going. I know this is somebody at the Hollywood Bowl. I love the Hollywood Bowl. I go all the time. I didn't see anybody.

I mean, she is... Is she just going, or she's going inside? Oh, she's going inside, I think. Like she bought a ticket to the Hollywood Bowl? I don't know how she gets in. Moist Choice, for those of you that are new to the show, she's like a historical partier. She would tell us that she used to party in the Studio 54 days

when she was in prime time, when that was the hottest spot on the planet. She was there. Now she's at a bar in Burbank. But, you know, it's the life cycle of the partying, I guess. On a scale of 1 to 10, how f***ed up are you? right now i'm perfect can you tell yeah your eyes are closed ali i don't want to ruin this for you but at some point here she starts licking jake's leg cool and uh it's very uncomfortable vanessa

saw an actual video of this and she said it needed a trigger warning it was so unhinged for watch but My eyes might be closed, and I'm still going to the Hollywood Bowl. I'm going to grab, I'm probably going to fall asleep. I love it going to the show. I was so sad that I couldn't do the clam slam. She's upset now. She's getting emotional.

Those are the faces of drunk drivers. She's almost crying because she missed our clam slam. I'm just so curious. I have a buddy that wants to go with me to any. If you invite me, Moisturist, to any of your events, I now have a friend that wants to take me. This Wednesday coming up, the Siesta Fiesta. Can you come? Oh, my gosh.

Wednesdays is my diamond painting class. What is it? Diamond painting class. Diamond painting. She teaches that or she still goes to it? She goes to the classes. Yeah, she does this artwork. because she does these diamond paintings.

Just say what you want about Moist Joyce, but she has a thriving social life. She really does. She's always staying busy. And I was just looking at the Hollywood Bowl schedule and she may have seen Andrea Bocelli that night. Ooh. Classy broad, huh?

So you can't come? No. Maybe. Can drunk Moist Joyce give me any life advice? Life advice is keep moving. Keep going. Do whatever you can. Okay, I'm down sadly.

Oh. Who's ringing? That's God calling. It's your time. It's your time, Joyce. Hello, it's The Undertaker. Good to hear from you. Joyce.

Joyce, we've got a... Good to see you again. We've got a bed for you right here. Who's ringing? Who's ringing? It's you, not me. Is that her phone? Yes.

And she's asking who's ringing? Yes. I mean, it's... Is she going to answer in beeps or... Maybe. I love Klein Alley. I love Klein Alley. I love Klein Alley.

Do you think we're calling her? I'm waiting. Moist Choice, f***ed up. Yeah, but I'm Moist Choice, f***ed up. But look,

you're hairy. Now she gets, this is when sexual Moist Choice comes out and she gets very into Jake. She's got the drunk goggles on and she sees Jake. This is weird, but this is where a twist happens.

So you've now heard emotional, you've heard, you know, sensitive, you've heard excited, you've heard that kind of falling asleep and now she's good.

Now she wants. Now she's, like, on the prowl. Do you like it? I know you're hairy. Do you like it? I love it. Yeah? Holy s***.

Yeah? My husband is hairy. Yeah? You want to make out? No, I want to lick it. You want to lick my leg? She still said no? She's so drunk.

She's literally barely breathing. She's like... She was beeping a second ago. No. Beep, beep. Do you want to make out? Beep, beep. What's the one for no?

You want to lick my leg? It's you. Whoa. And oh my God, look at that. Let's go. Let's do it. Let's do it. Jake, were you prepared to make out with Moist Joyce?

No, I was not. I just wanted to see what she said. You asked her. Do you think that new girl you're seeing would be mad that this other woman licked your leg? I don't think so. She was right inside, actually. You just said this is the other woman. This is who you're battling?

She talks in beeps. So how did that end? You just went back inside? No, I took the video of her licking my leg. And then after that, I went back inside. There's a new trend that Moist Joyce is not going to be a fan of. And it is called. Well, it kind of is actually, Allie.

It's called the Darty. And it's happening at college campuses. And it sucks. And we need to put a stop to it. And we'll talk about that next right here on KROQ. Trend alert. I don't think you're going to like this. And it has a stupid name.

so you would probably think I'd be on board with it, but apparently now there is a new thing happening. Gen Z is to blame. It's called Wellness Darties. Now, when I saw this on the schedule, I thought that maybe Vanessa had misspelled something, and I kept trying to think, what does she mean? Well, a Wellness Darty is exactly what it sounds like, Allie.

It's a daytime party. That's why it's a darty. And instead of the traditional concept of a bunch of people getting in a parking lot and trying to race to finish a keg, they're now doing different wellness activities together. Oh, so this isn't even day drinking. No, drinking is...

Because I thought a party during the day was just day drinking. This is what would look like the... You would see it from a distance and you would think, oh, my God, that must be a fun party happening. And then you get closer and you realize, oh, no. This isn't a party, it's a darty. I've walked into a darty. So this is one step further than those coffee raves that they're having.

Yeah, exactly right, Omar. This is the sober trend of daytime hangouts. This is the new thing now. And, you know, we're all a bunch of degenerate losers because we used to like to sit around and funnel beers in a parking lot, which I used to think was fun, and I still think seems fun. We just did with Tegger, and it was fun. It was fun, yeah.

And this one, apparently, is an opportunity for people to get together. And there's a new trend that's called bone chilling. Is that like they're actually chilling bones, or they're calling it fun? They get together and they optimize doing things that are good for themselves, for their mental health and their physical health. Drinking milk? Magnesium? I'll tell you what happens. Instead of beer and shots, wellness darties can feature group runs, yoga, cold plunges and ice baths, saunas, matchas, coffees, energy drinks, protein bars, and fruit.

Boy, it does sound fruity. I know that you have done some of these things Not like this Quietly in my own shame You do them privately Yeah I'm not going to go to any sort of If someone invited me to a darty I will say I saw some girls on my Instagram

Have a bachelorette trip And they did like yoga And pilates as part of their activities Like it was a main thing And I thought it was like weird Right but that's I mean that's what's happening now Because people decided

What it used to be, wine tasting all day or day drinking. Well, look, I mean, if somebody, say, is sober and they want to get rid of all their, quote, toxic friends that just want to funnel beers all day and they surround themselves with new people that promote good activities like running and Pilates and all that crap, that's good to be around people like that. It's going to help promote a healthier lifestyle for you. I don't like turning it into a word that nobody cares about like darty, but I understand the basic concept. I don't think we need to turn it into a trend. In the world of actual numbers here, Omar, what he mentioned was these morning coffee raves, the coffee clubbing where they're turning coffee shops and getting good DJs into coffee shops. So it's everyone standing around with a DJ playing, but instead of drinking and doing drugs, you're all just sipping, you know, espressos, whatever. That's up 478%.

That vibe is only made through drugs. You can't have a rave without drugs, so they go hand in hand. I think the problem is you still have traditional ravers that will be on drugs but just do the drugs at the coffee shop. And then you have other people that are just on coffee. And that's the weird world. So then the sober coffee people are having conversations with coming down from drugs people? Yeah. That can't be an enjoyable, like when someone's sober, you don't want to talk to somebody at a coffee shop who's wasted on drugs?

Now someone, here's the good news. Some of the attendees claim that they went to the Darty only because they were out partying late the night before, so it was kind of a recovery. The Darty continued. So it was a way to continue the Darty, and rather than just keep drinking, they go, I partied last night, so tonight we partied, tomorrow we Darty. I Sharty. I believe you do. Jason Sharty. So that is sadly happening now, and it's happening at-

This is sadly real. And I'm going to tell you right now because there's a list of colleges where these are happening at quite regularly. And these used to be the top party schools. University of Florida, University of Miami, Florida State, Syracuse. I'm so sad at what's going on there now. What are the top darty schools? Well, now these schools, where's that list? So get ready.

626 said, I used to work for a binocular company and we had a guy come and buy a set for a bird watching bachelor party. That's not a bird watching. This is the future of partying now. That's not a bachelor party. They're all going to go peeping, dude. Yeah, they're all peeping. There's no birds there. Okay, well, I want to go to that.

That sounds fun. Yeah, where are the birds? A peeping potty? In that apartment complex. Allie's a peeping darty right there. So there you have it. Don't be a darty pooper. I'm excited about this now.

So stupid. If you'd like to see that band right there, just below where we're doing the show right now at the KROQ and Outburger Soundspace, why don't you call us? We will send you to see The Paradox and three other bands. And all you got to do is be called 20 right now

at 800-520-1067. Let's get you those tickets to the next four shows happening here. And one of those shows will include that band you just heard a moment ago, The Paradox.

We ran out of time, so tomorrow we will get you the old people's secret. Here's a tease. Oh, dear. That person is old and they've got a secret to help you live forever.

So if you can live between now and tomorrow, hopefully we will help you live many years longer with that lady's old people's secret. It could be a new sweet divot on our hands.

So we're very excited about that. That woman knows how to darty. So, takeaways from today's show before we turn things over to Sluggo. 626, my takeaway is Allie is fluent in sad, crying lady-ese. Yeah, if anyone's crying, call in crying. Allie will translate. 818, my takeaway is 18C, baby. 18C forever.

I will not switch. Remember, if you didn't hear the entire show today, Allie refused to give up her seat so that a family could sit together with a young baby. The baby was fine. they put on the iPad. Even just the impression you did of the baby going, Papa! No! Papa!

So sad. You drown it out when you put the AirPods in. You can't hear any of that. These are noise cancelling, so not my problem, kid. 818 Popcorn is not a doctor snack. Shouldn't be. 626 Vanessa pays her own bills, bitch. 213 Johnny

is a real exemplary gay. And 626 James is all thumbs up. for safety yeah i like that guy james i hope he uh calls the show again sometime apparently it took him three years to call the show because he only got one thumb but he finally figured it out we'd love to hear from that guy again maybe tomorrow he wins those four tickets to the next shows happening at k-rock what's your takeaway from today's show vanessa uh klein's about to have a mukbang off with his therapist yeah that's what we're paying for now we're just

paying to watch each other mukbang i'm gonna go i'm gonna go over the top of her with those ribs I got from Stanley's Honey Baked Ham. Oh, yeah, from the Honey Baked Ham place. I heard about that. I got a lot of ribs. Am I one up or whatever? Yeah, you were supposed to bring those in today.

You were supposed to bring ribs today and you didn't? They thawed out. I thawed them. I wasn't in the email. Oh, yeah, you did say you were going to bring them. Yeah, Vanessa didn't remind me in the email. Yeah, let's talk more ribby. All right, I'll put it in today's email.

I didn't know that was serious. Yeah, I got ribs. I'll bring them in. We can eat them. Finger licking. We'll bring them on Thursday because we've got to have food tomorrow. Oh, my God, Jake.

Jake is already bringing containers tomorrow. Jake's the worst. Masconto. Tell you the one thing, there will not be a thank you no matter what they bring him in from Jake. That's for sure. Whatever you promised.

Doesn't mean you can't say thank you, Jake. It doesn't matter. I'm on ribs. You have a takeaway, Johnny? It's just gazungas, man. Just gazungas. It's true. Jake, you have a takeaway?

Yeah, I'm a big fan of the Klein Quasi show. Quasi, you have a takeaway? Magic Johnson beat AIDS, apparently. According to Google, he sure did. He would take away their Omar. When a guy's all thumbs, Vanessa gets all hot and bothered. No. I just thought it was amazing.

Vanessa loved that guy. Oh, my God. We will do it tomorrow. Try to do it better. If you need us in the meantime, there's a GOAT line for you. 844-956-GOAT is a great way to leave any messages you have about the show, good, bad, or otherwise. Let me say hi quickly and give Julian some good news

before we get the hell out of here from Long Beach. Hello, Julian. Hi, how's it going? You are the 20th caller. You'll be at the next four shows here at K-Rock, all right? Awesome, thank you so much.

Come hungry and be ready to hear some amazing live music. Enjoy some In-N-Out and hang tight and you'll have more chances to win those tickets coming up again with Sluggo once we exit the premises, which is right about...

Meow. Meow. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.