Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Father's Day Card Redo, Meet the Neighbors and MORE

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

New episode of Klein Alley Show is about to begin, but before that can happen, Alley, let's tell the people what they need to know. You mean about San Bernardino International Airport? Of course I'm talking about the San Bernardino International Airport. Easy, close, and not LAX. And parking is always just five bucks a day, which means it is El Cheapo approved. Fly nonstop to Provo, Utah for all the skiing, snowboarding, or wives you can handle. And of course you can fly into my hometown of San Francisco, San Bernardino International Airport, when airports smell great. this is the world famous k-rock welcome to your prequend and if you enjoy breakfast why not have it for dinner and be a part of bf der day let us know on the goat line or on the instagram what it

is you're enjoying so we can share your post and we can spread some of that breakfast love at dinner time something that southern california i believe does better than pretty much anywhere else in the world and i would imagine that may be one of the things that the foreign visitors appreciate by coming into town you know like a lot of these places will give you breakfast 24 hours a day that is nice doing a nice thing and i think that we do you're right i think that if you go to other countries like europe breakfast is usually a forgotten about meal it's like a hard boiled egg and a piece of toast they don't really have a bunch of bacon it's not like a big spread or people will just do like a little bit of yogurt and move on with their day a little granola

boring i think they're shocked oftentimes that um that we stuff our faces at every single meal You have so many meat and trough options at all meals of the day. But that's the American way. This hour, a lot to get into. And if you need us, you can text. You can call. The number is 800-520-1067. There's lots of ways to get involved in the show on Instagram, Klein Alley Show.

You can find us there. There are a lot of messages here on the GOAT line of people that are, well, there's a concern about Jake and his love of incense and why he's got a problem. And someone doesn't understand why Jake only likes the incense sticks, but he thinks cones are for losers. They're dorks. Really, the smell is why you would be burning incense anyway, is for smells. And you would argue that the smell of a cone of incense is exactly the same as a stick. It is the same. It's literally the same. But anyway, people have thoughts on that.

Yeah, hey, how's it going? I just was calling because I wanted to thank you guys for solving a mystery for me. I am a resident over here in Burbank. I'm living in the Magnolia Park area, and we've been seeing a single smokestack coming from the Rancho region. And it looked like there was an Indian reservation over there, a single smokestack coming out of a Pueblo chimney or something. We didn't know what the hell it was. We were also getting strong smells of patchouli and rotten pubic hair. Now we've gotten to the bottom of that riddle.

It's clearly Jake's show. So we would like to thank you for giving us the general source of that. The nucleus, I believe, would be Jake the Stinkball. There you go. Thank you for that call, sir. I don't believe that to be a real call. There's a scent you can purchase, Jake Stinkball. This hour on the show, Meet the Neighbors, 10 Seconds of Rage.

For anyone who's freaking out because your kids have been out of school for a week already and you're already bored or they've already ruined stuff, give you an opportunity to rage over the airwaves of KROQ. It's instant therapy for you. and instant mental health improvements, plus tickets and prizes and all that good stuff coming up after Royal Otis on KROQ. It's time to find out what's happening in neighborhoods all over Southern California, including possibly your very own.

We all live in very different parts of, you say, L.A., but it could mean so many different things. So as a result, it's time for us to see what neighbors are complaining about, snitching on each other for, or potentially helping each other out for by going through all of the many apps out there from Nextdoor to Neighborhood to Citizen to Ring. It's time for us to meet the neighbors. Meet the neighbors, that's what you gotta do. Say hello, shake a hand, share a smile and make a friend.

Meet the neighbors, their dog just crept in your yard. Time for us to see what's happening in our neighborhoods. We start in Burbank where clearly there is a smokestack that has been spotted. a smell of patchouli and pubic hair and jake the nerd what else is happening in burbank i assume that's where you're reporting from yeah yeah this lady says i live near the hollywood burbank airport specifically on ontario avenue and the situation on my street has become unbearable because the constant presence of rideshare drivers most of them are not regular cars but maybe large black suvs and vans i believe they may be running uh for rides but the the private

a corp... I'm sorry, but I gotta start over. No, please. All over? No! Please don't. Alright, next paragraph. To gather in groups, smoke outside, bring portable chairs, and spend hours eating, drinking, and waiting for rides while occupying parking spaces and even sitting near residential buildings

and lawns. The problem has gotten so bad that parking has become extremely difficult for residents, and I have even been insulted when trying to address the issue. I would like to know what can be done to address this ongoing problem and restore quality of life in our neighborhood. And there's a bunch of comments, including one that says, sucks to suck, with 10,000 likes.

Was that you that wrote that? No way, man. With 10,000 likes? No way. No one else would write your favorite phrase, which is sucks to suck. Hold on, I'm sorry, it doesn't have 10,000 likes. It has one like, doesn't it? 20,000 likes.

It's got no likes. Oh, my God, stop. You suck to suck. Let's not forget that. A million likes. But Burbank is the place for that. Just like ride-share drivers congregate and they all smoke cigarettes and talk. By the way-

I feel like I see that in Burbank everywhere. It's everywhere. It's everywhere, and it seems like there's this little gang of, they all look very similar. Yeah. They're all, I feel like. They're all killing time waiting for the ride. They all have like weird Nike t-shirts and black leather coats. Looks like Johnny.

And sunglasses, and they sit around, and they smoke, and they wait, and people get so mad because they take up parking spots, and they block, and they're just waiting, but they're like anyone else. They're just waiting, killing time until they get a gig. Yeah, I know. And sometimes. They gotta wait somewhere. I watch them get the gig notification on their phone and then ignore it.

Really? Because I'd rather just stand around and smoke. I have to finish my cigarette and start another one. So they're really close to that airport, and I'll get an Uber, and I'll see them sit there for five or ten minutes. Yeah, I mean, it's a wild situation. It's happening everywhere. I see that complaint happen a lot, but there's a bigger thing happening. This is in the Valley Village, North Hollywood area.

Our turtle has gone wandering. Oh, no. Slowly wandering. As it's egg-laying season, I'm sure you're aware of this. No, no one's aware of this. Now, one person reading this post knows that it's currently turtle egg-laying season. In turtle egg-laying season? What are you doing?

She is red. She is a red-eared slider turtle, I think. Also, she answers to the name Herberta. She doesn't answer to any name. She's a turtle. If you see her around this area or any of the offshoot streets, Please let me know. Thank you from Shan.

Is there a picture? There is a picture. That's the turtle on a rock. Aww. And the only comment is someone who says, Turtle soup is delicious. Oh, no. Which is so...

True. Which is so true. 10,000 likes. I just would think, why... Great sucks to suck. Why would anyone write that? This person's clearly looking for their turtle that's gone wandering for the obvious reason.

Well, it seems like that person found it. And they said that Herberta was delicious. So anyway, there's a missing turtle somewhere in the valley. Keep your eyes peeled. Her ears are red, supposedly. Well, she's a red-eared something. She's a red-eared something. I didn't even know turtles had ears.

I didn't know that either, to be honest. Where are those? Apparently, this is... On the sides of their face? And they even wrote, she's a red-eared slider turtle, I think. I don't know if that's a type of turtle. Jake, you would know that. You collect turtle shells, don't you?

Yeah, I have a turtle shell, yeah. Was it of this foregone? It's not her birthday, is it? The soup was great. Okay. I'm going to keep the shell to remember this. Allie, what's going on in your neighborhood? In my area, there's a woman named Carrie who's trying to find a Father's Day present.

And she wants to know, does anybody know the schedule of that bonsai guy on the side of the road? No, no one knows that guy's schedule. Sometimes he's on Canaan. Sometimes he's on Malibu Canyon. Every time I need him, he's not there. I'm hoping to get a bonsai before Father's Day. Help. You know, it's funny about the bonsai, side of the road bonsai guy, is that I've driven by a thousand side of the road bonsai guys.

Never once... Have I stopped and been like, I need a bonsai? Have I stopped to buy a bonsai? I've been tempted a few times. I have too. You know, last time I drove by, I was like, it would be nice to have a little bonsai tree, but they're expensive. I think they're not cheap. That one died instantly.

And I feel like they also take actual effort. Like Mr. Miyagi felt like that was a full-time operation for him when he was doing the bonsai stuff. Well, that's part of it, right? as the upkeep of it. I mean, even just to make them, I think is a pretty complicated process. You bought one and it died?

Almost instantly. You're a plant guy. Bonsais, what's the level of difficulty? I don't know anything about bonsai. That's like an inside kind of plant.

I'm an outdoor guy. Oh, you're an outdoor guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lady named Lisa said, I always thought that was the oddest thing in the world to sell on the side

of the road. That's all she wanted to say. Yeah, I kind of assumed for a while that maybe it was a cover. Like the bonsai is a great roadside cover, But like really he's got

Like back in the day Weapons Or like weed Like that's where you get weed Ninja stars Yeah like anything Like bonsai was just the gateway To get you over there

I'll take a bonsai And seven nunchucks And a caton Yeah Alright well there you have it Some dad is about to have A terrible father's day When he opens up his bonsai tree

Don't father He doesn't want it Quick break back With more show If you need to rage Because you are pent up It's been a week of summer already Perhaps you're sick of kids

And you can't handle them anymore For a variety of reasons We're going to give you the airwaves 10 seconds of rage coming up in moments. If you have anything at all you'd like to rage about to let some of the air out of the balloon, we will do that after this quick break at 800-520-1067. Call now. We live in a strange time in society where cards now sometimes cost more than the gifts that you're giving.

It used to be the card was a throwaway thing, and then maybe there was a gift worth more. But cards now could be $15, especially if they play music. You open them up. They've got jokes inside. There's some that pop up. Some have screens on them too. I saw an 1195 that didn't have any apparatus or any, yeah, it didn't have singing, it didn't have a pop-up, just plain old 1195. So I don't know why as a society we've band together to band things like straws and balloons, but we're still embracing cards in such a way.

Father's Day card sales, I'm sure, in the hundreds of millions of dollars, go through and look at the racks. They still got a bunch of them there, and yet there is an obligation, almost a guilt factor. Yesterday, I was actually on the phone with my dad, and my mom felt the need to tell me, just so you know, he's received two Father's Day cards from your sisters. Already? Already. And I have sent nothing, and it's got to get across the country in a few days. And I kind of said to him, I'm like, hey, you know, you don't really care about these cards, do you?

And he goes, well, they're nice. Is he just saying that because of your mom? Of course. He doesn't care. He doesn't. I don't think he cares. I don't know. Maybe when you get old, you care about that stuff.

I mean, I think he'd rather I just send him something. I don't know. They love the mail. Don't old people love mail? They do love the mail. It's a big conversation. They still love getting the mail, going through the mail. Anything coming to mail.

Let's get the mail. Did you open the mail? Are we saving this mail? He's got a big pile of mail that he goes through once a month or whatever. Go through the pile of mail. Yeah. My grandma would have a whole stack and she'd have her little letter opener. Every time I go home to my house, which is not that often, they will say, we have a pile

of your mail waiting for you in your old room. And it's all junk. It's like catalogs and stuff. that just randomly has my name on it from years ago. It's nothing of any value. Sometimes it's just resident. Well, I think, yeah, resident or current resident. And I'm like, this was, you could throw this out.

Name your kid current resident. So it's time now for some actual Father's Day cards that these are real jokes that have been approved and printed by the millions, and they're pretty bad. So we are going to go ahead and try to give a better outcome and also try to figure out what terrible joke they went with. The first card that we will describe to you just has a strip of bacon

on the front of it and the bacon has a face on it because of course it does and it's smiling and it's holding a heart. The bacon is standing there with shoes. It's got shoes on,

strip of bacon, cartoon strip, eyes, It's important for bacon to wear shoes. Smile, and a couple of shoes and it's holding a heart

and then, of course, that's when you open it up and you get whatever terrible joke is waiting for you on the inside although I assume they think these are good jokes

which is why they write them. So what do you believe that the happy, shoe-wearing strip of bacon is saying? I have a great dad, and you have a heart condition. I have a great dad, and you have a heart condition. Yeah. All right? That is a clogged heart joke at some point. It is interesting that the bacon is holding a heart.

Jake the Nerd, what do you think this card says? You love bacon more than me, and that's understandable. Okay. Yeah. So it's just the I'm not loved card. Omar, what do you believe that this card says? I think this is, you know, coming from your wife, and it'll say something like, you're baking me horny. Oh.

That's a nice card. Another great gay clip of the buns. Between that and hibiscus. You're baking me horny. Omar's winning the day. I'm on fire today. It's much worse than all of those, and those are all pretty bad. Yeah, they are.

You're baking me horny. I would love to get that card. And I don't know why. So when you say that card would be nice, that's what you mean? That's what I mean. And especially if you open it up and add the sizzle sounds and even the smell of bacon. You can make a card smell like bacon. If something sizzled like bacon, that would be impressive.

Is there a griddle, gristle? No, when you open this card up, it sadly says, Dad, thanks for baking my life so great. That's the joke. Well, it is kind of what Omar said. It's just baking your life great and not baking you horny. Yeah, but it's so bad. It's so wordy and unnecessarily unfunny, too.

And I know they're trying to have something like what dad is going to say. That's the card for me. Well done, son. Well done. All right, moving on now. This next card, guys, is maybe the worst of the Father's Day jokes, which is hard to say. This is a card. And on the front of it, there are no words.

It just has one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. It's seven hand-drawn buffaloes. And they're flying airplanes through the clouds. and once again it's like an army almost it looks like World War I maybe even previous to that these are old school airplanes

and there's 1, 2, 3 like Wright Brothers style airplanes as I said 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 6, 7 buffaloes riding in airplanes they're flying the airplanes and then you open it up and that's when you get your joke

and your joke is I wonder if this is a joke about buffalo wings Totally is Ooh good one I was trying to think And I was like I don't see a joke here Or like flying makes me horny

They could That's a good one too Could be bison by the way I said buffalo But maybe they're bison I'm not sure If there's a difference Or they could just be very

Weird Love your bison Love your bison Yeah Oh it's a great way To come out to your dad And lose his father's day With a funny card

I know you thought I was straight But it turns out I'm your bison Happy Father's Day Also it could be a bison son, like you're leaving. The father's take card to family. Bye, son. Yeah, if it's bison,

then it's got to be a bye, son. Jake, any guesses? I'll be your buffalo wingman anytime. Oh, God. Buffalo wingman anytime. That's a terrible joke. Omar, this is once again five, seven buffaloes flying airplanes. Let's see something about along the lines of you're the buffest dad

around or something like that. Oh, buff, buff dad. That would be a stretch. When you open this card up, there's one more bison or buffalo flying an airplane, and It says, thought you'd enjoy some buffalo wings. Oh, it is buffalo wings. On Father's Day.

By the way, I'm bi. Signed your gay-ass son. Wait, why? If I was a dad and got that card and there were no actual buffalo wings also, I would be so livid. I would assume that was part one of then and a platter of buffalo wings. It's just a joke and no wings? What a letdown.

Anyway, let's go back to watching TV. Finally. There's a lot of cards for dads involving chips. Dads like chips, apparently. Dads like eating. And they love eating and they love snacking. I've seen this before on other cards for other holidays, but the message is always a little different. So here you have a chip.

It's a tortilla chip. It looks like a Tostito if I had to brand name it. It's got a hand-drawn cowboy hat on it. And once again, it's got arms and legs that are hand-drawn on the chip. and it's standing on an empty plate with a couple of crumbs on the plate. So, Allie, what do you think this card says? It's a Father's Day remix. I think this is going, this is such an old classic, right?

An animated chip. So it's got to be a completely dated reference. Like, you are all that in a bag of chips. All that in a bag of chips. I mean, this is a reference from the 90s, 2000s, at the earliest. Okay, Allie believes that's the perfect card for the Gen X dad out there. All that and a bag of chips. Omar Khan.

I think it's going to say something like, holy guacamole, you're awesome. Yeah, that's a great guess right there. They love, you're laughing at how bad it is? God, there's no guacamole in there. I know, there is no guacamole. There's no picture of guacamole. When you open it up, there will be. That's what Omar believes.

Jake, what is the terrible joke waiting inside the phone? Yeah, you open it up and he's covering cheese and he's going to say, this card is supremely cheesy. Oh, yeah. There's definitely a cheesy card won every single year. I would guess that it would be a chip-off-the-old-block joke. Or a nacho, like, nacho. Nacho average father. Something like that.

Nacho average card. Right. Even though I'm horribly average as a card. Sadly, you guys are right. And it does say, this is nacho average Father's Day card. It's worse. Your gay son. They all end with love your gay son.

So there you have it. Fathers and a perfect home. What is this? What the hell? It's the gay son. This is Zomber. It's the new one. It's called Home Wrecker.

And we're playing it now on K-Rock. Love your gay son. Thank you, Lincoln Park. K-Rock Klein Alley Show comes to an end, at least for now. But good news is that we will do it again tomorrow. Then on Monday, we will give away another giant TV and all that money. so you can buy a mountain of meat for anyone who gets screwed on Father's Day for a variety of reasons.

There's so many different reasons you can get screwed. Family obligations, family forgot about you, got too drunk on Saturday, still partying from the Mexico World Cup game today. Who knows what the reason is? Regardless, there's a chance you may need a Father's Day redo. We'll make that happen for you on Monday. But if you need us in the meantime, you can use the GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT. You can slide in the DMs, Klein Alley Show,

or you can find us right here on KROQ, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, etc., etc. Takeaways from today's show. What do we got? 818, my takeaway is the T in IPO stands for trillionaire. Yeah, we did learn that there's a T in IPO and it stands for trillionaire courtesy of Postmaster Johnny and that dumb brain of his. 310, my takeaway is when the kids are bored, butter up the dog. Yeah, it was a fun new game we learned about today

just in time for Father's Day, butter up the dog. 6-5-0, my takeaway is today is like Christmas for New York burglars. 7-1-4, if you need urine, Klein's your guy. 3-2-3, bagel cucarachas coming to a store near you. 3-1-0, my takeaway is you're baking me horny. And 8-1-8, my takeaway is soos my ass. Soos my ass. Soos my ass.

That's what you say at the end of the school year to your teachers. Soos my ass. That way they're like, hey, you know what? I'm mad at them, but also they learned a little French, so clearly it was worth it. And 5-6-2, my takeaway is to be a good dad, you've got to listen for clicks. Listen for the clicks. A couple of clicks means they're probably in the back seat. Probably.

No, don't turn your head. Don't bother your neck. Don't look in the mirror or anything like that. Just assume. Don't even ask if they're names. Don't even do roll call. Just assume if you hear a couple of clicks, they're probably back there. What's your takeaway from today's show, Vanessa?

Watch your feet. It's turtle egg laying season. It's turtle egg laying season. Everyone knows that. You've got to keep an eye on your feet. Postmaster Johnny, takeaway? I'm Richard Blade, and I like little girls. Thank you, Postmaster Johnny.

That's Richard Blades chiming in for takeaways. Jake the Nerd, takeaway. Yeah, I'm getting all jacked up on Mountain Dew Code Fox. Yeah, Code Fox urine from Mountain Dew. It's their new flavor. It's actually not their worst. Allie, takeaway? My takeaway is we love the subs.

Oh, man, those little mice from Quiznos. Where are you? We need you now more than ever. They're called the Sponge Monkeys. Did you know that? I did not. But we did learn about them during a thrilling Generation Wars today on the show. Omar, final takeaway from today?

What do we got? My takeaway is that Vanessa got a little excited after Columbia winning the match last night. Oh, my God! I'm the last second, bitches! I mean, it was exhilarating. Living vicariously through her was very exciting, Allie. It was almost as good as going. Almost as good as being at the game.

All right, have a good day. We'll do it tomorrow. Try to do it better. Goodbye. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Oh, no, tell Dr. Dre we can't. We're doing the jingle now. Sorry, we're done.

Sorry, Dre, time is up. We're making better music. But have a good, thanks for stopping by. Next time, next time. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Oh. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Just, just, just, just okay.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.