Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Jake's Dinner Date, WNBA Drama Report and MORE

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock.

You on the beach in Santa Monica with the killers Jack White, Sublime. If you're the 20th caller right now, we're sending you to Ocean Way. And all you got to do is give us a call. 800-520-1067. Which means if you're at a job right now working, you're going to have to go hide in one of them closets and call us all quietly and whatnot. Whisper. And then we say you won. And you go, I'm so excited.

I can't yell. I know, and then it's kind of sexy, isn't it? It is. And then they get to come out of the closet. Yeah, you walk right out. I'm just like, what were you doing in there? And you're like, ah, just going down on the boss for a raise. I was just smelling you guys' penis.

No, shut up, you. That's, get her out of this. Omar, I don't like you having that. Get her out of that closet. Get her out of there. That's my daughter. Love of Christ, these dolls are bad influences on the kids. Why'd you bring them to them?

Pull them off the shelves. Yeah, no kidding, dude. I didn't think that. Why would you do that? I'm going to be like, you're repeating it. You're in trouble. I didn't, first of all, I didn't remember what the dolls said, to be completely honest. And the other thing is, I didn't think they were going to take them out of the box and play with them.

They don't play with most of them. They're dolls. They're kids. All they care about is squishies and Neato's. If they're not squishies or Neato's. I brought my kid a toy. I didn't think they'd play with it. I didn't bring my kid a toy.

I brought it home. I just brought it home. I thought my wife would be impressed and sleep with me. What? Why would your wife be impressed by this? I thought she... Look at this. I don't know why.

I thought she would find this... I think she's like, yeah, I was on the fence. But now that I see my husband. Now I have a doll that I don't need anymore. Yeah, it didn't work. In fact, even my dog wouldn't hump it. I thought Jerry would give this thing a good proper hump. But your shirt does come off.

Oh, look at that. Erotic. That's right. Thank you, sweetie. You can see the footage up on our Instagram right now of the Eiffel Tower that took place on the air yesterday between the Vanessa doll and the Allie doll and the Klein doll. It's doing numbers, as they say. Let's go ahead and say good morning to Denise.

Hey, hold on. Denise, you're the 20th caller from San Gabriel. Hi. Oh, my gosh. Hi. You're going to go to Ocean Way in Santa Monica, see some killers, all right? Oh, my gosh. That's amazing.

Thank you so much. Thank you for... You stupid asshole. Hey, shut... Sorry, that's my kid there. It's a winner. Hey, Rob. We're here with Klein Alley Show.

When we're not around live like we are now, there's a GOAT line for you at 844-956-GOAT. People call with a variety of reasons. Hey, y'all. Okay. So if you're a WNBA insider, again, I have some more. Again? We have a WNBA insider? Yeah, she gave us a bunch of drama that was going on in the WNBA.

I remember people cheating on each other and then playing against their mistresses and exes. And apparently there's a lot of drama that's getting heated. She was also giving us the dildo report. All the people that were throwing dildos on the courts at the WNBA games, which they're trying to stop from happening. Last year, a Wookiee was drafted to the Connecticut Sun in the WNBA. That's a made-up team. That's not a real. Is that a real team?

I assume. The Connecticut Sun? Is that real? And the WNBA. Her name is Sanaya Rivers. Sanaya was drafted to the team a few days before her mom passed away, so it was really sad. And she ended up looking to her vet on the team for support,

the vet being Marina Mabry. She was their star player. They were getting pretty close, and everyone was like, hmm, what's up with this rookie and vet connection? It looks kind of gay. Well, long story short, they were revealed to be a couple a few months later. What is going on? Love it!

This WNBA is... It's so ruthlessly lesbian. I wish they would just do less of the games and more of this. I would love them to do the games and also do a reality show. How is there not a WNBA reality show? I mean, all of the other stuff that's happening behind basketball players, wives, wives, wives, wives. It's a lot of wives to keep track of. But, I mean, that would be the show.

It's all fine and dandy. The whole team loves it. Everybody thinks they're super cute, including their teammate, Aaliyah Edwards. Aaliyah would always post content of Marina and Sanaya on dates and be like, oh, the cute couple. I'm third-wheeling. Look at the cute couple. And she was kind of their number one supporter.

Oh, this could be. What do you think this is going to be? A throuple situation? Yes. Or did she come in and is she now jumping in with the vet or the rookie? Oh, my God. Let's find out. This WNBA is amazing.

I got to get involved here. Now, fast forward to this season. Sanaya's girlfriend, Marina, got traded to the Toronto Tempo. And while she was away, people noticed that Sanaya and Alina started getting close. Ah. You get traded, and then you're out. This is crazy. You're not on the team.

You're not on the team. So, now, today, someone posted on Threads several photos. I don't know if they were following them around paparazzi style or what. Big win for the WNBA, if so. But they got multiple photos of the two of them on date. What? And to seal the deal, a photo was posted of the two of them in their swimsuits, all hot and bothered, in a jacuzzi somewhere.

Whoa. And they're all on their dates going to the Olive Garden because they make $60,000 a year. And I thought, you know what? They could still be friends. It's probably no big deal. But then, after the jacuzzi photo got posted, Marina, all her sisters, and all of the other players that were friends with them both on the Connecticut Sun all unfollowed Saniya Rivers. Wow, this is some real WNBA tea. You know, the thing is, the WNBA needs to realize what they have, which is lightning in a bottle.

And they need to make this all public at the games. They're probably trying to shove all this down. They're trying to be like, no dildos, no drama. Dildos and drama, that's what we love. Before you watch a show, they have like a recap. Yes, exactly. Change the name of the entire league to dildos and drama. And then on the Jumbotron, give us a recap, like Jake's saying,

about all the players, who's playing who, and what the drama is so that we are all way more invested at the tip-off. And wow, one of these women is at the free throw line trying to shoot a free throw, probably a bank shot off the backboard. They should be showing her lover with the other woman in the hot tub To get inside of her head. Right. And then they can bring you in to put them all down and make them feel bad about themselves,

even though you couldn't play as good as they can. That's right. That's a great concept. That's the thing. Hey, when I went to the WNBA game, because I'm the only one who's been to a game this season, I support Allie. You don't. That's not true.

There are tons of people who go to these games. No, you haven't, I'm saying. Between you and me. Who supports more? Oh, I don't go to basketball games at all. So I went, and I will say this. They brought a guy out to shoot the half-court shot, and they brought a very unathletic guy on purpose, and he airballed that thing

and it was hilarious. Okay. And I think they do that. What's the point? Show me dildo. That was me at the gate. That was you. Did you win it?

No, I did not, sadly. That's good tea. Thank you, our WNBA insider. Keep it coming. I would love to know. We've got to take a break. When we get back, if you've been paying attention

to today's show, there's a lot to keep up with. We will get you into our Endless Summer Kegger. And Jake had a date last night and we told him to bring flowers. He did. How did that all pan out?

We'll find out next. Find out on the show. If you're waiting to go to the Endless Summer Kegger tomorrow, Newport Beach, we have another chance for you to get in in moments if you've been paying attention to today's show, ask you some questions about things that took place, and if you know the answers to those questions, things like what is Allie going to leave Klein in her will, you may be on your way to the Endless Summer Kegger. So get ready to call in and claim your tickets in moments. Jake, how'd the date go? Pretty great. Allie was really angry this morning at you because... Because you won't acknowledge.

She believes, again, we have set you up for success, and all we wanted was a simple thank you. And you guys are like my dating Sherpas, and everything you have said to me has turned out to help you. When you went on your own way with your own decisions, you were in a terrible place. There's only two things that helped me at all. And that was, one, wearing pants one time and going to her. And then, two, Vanessa's idea is to bring her flowers. So you're saying, Allie... So you're saying one suggestion from me and one suggestion from Vanessa have helped you.

Yeah, but all the other stuff was a detriment. How do you figure that's a detriment? Remember, you changed my whole profile to make it like not me at all. You made whack AI photos. I had to take those all down. Excuse me. One person, the first date you went on, said, I thought to myself, this has got to be fake, but I've got to find out. I've got to go on a date with this guy.

Regardless. That's not helping. It is helping. We have helped you. Are you not smashing? Yes. Were you smashing before we redid your dating profile? I had a succulent girlfriend.

You had zero smash. I had occasional smash. You had a no smash streak that was unmasked. Occasional smash. And we were not only giving you advice about the pants. We told you wear pants and wear closed-toed shoes and go out of your way. Don't just go to your neighborhood bar. And the first time you did that was your first date with this girl that you are now with.

And after I changed my profile back to wearing band shirts and liking Tool. And now it's like her favorite band, too. So it's half me. So you're giving the credit to who? Who gets the credit here? I think mainly me and then Vanessa and then maybe Allie a little bit. Are you not? I want to say 75-20.

75? It doesn't add up to 100. Okay, whatever the value is, we have me, Tony, Vanessa, 5 Allie. 75-20. By me? Allie gets 5%. This is unbelievable. And I think one of us, if you do get married, should be your best man.

Because we were directly responsible for you hooking up with this girl. And if you truly are in love and this is a long-lasting relationship, it's because of us. You want that, Allie? You want Jake to say, you're my best man, now you have to throw my bachelor party and stuff? I don't want that. You want that responsibility? I'm not saying... Allie, you're wearing a tux.

She would probably do that anyway. She's thrilled. You want to see how much bulkier I look at a tux? Oh, love to see that. It's pretty bad. Please, Jake, for the sake of the show, get married while Allie is super pregnant. So she has to wear it. Yet another horrible wedding, right?

Disgusting. Every wedding I've attended is either while I'm pregnant or just had a baby. Yeah, that's right. Allie can only be in professional photos when she looks like a house. Wait, so Jake, you brought the flowers last night. Yes. And what did she say? Huge hit.

And she was like, you know, taken back for sure. She's like, oh my gosh, she brought me flowers. Did you get them at the cemetery or did you go buy them? No, I actually went to go buy them. At a store? Yeah, because it was way closer than the cemetery. Which store did you pick? It's up by Trader Joe's.

Which bouquet? Give me a price point, though, because you can buy the cheap stuff. The cheap ones are, I think, $5. Oh, no, this was like $15. Wow. One already assembled bouquet? Yeah, yeah, like a variety pack of flowers. Did you rip the price tag off, or did you let her see it?

There was no price tag. It was just a barcode, so I just left it on there. Yeah, I don't think there's price tags on those. Women like getting flowers with barcodes. Yeah, but it's on the wrapper. So you brought that and you handed it. Did you do the thing where you pulled it from behind your back? I did, actually.

You didn't just walk him and put him on her chest and say, here. Here, they said bring him to you. So do you not want to say thank you to Vanessa for suggesting that? That was a great idea. And then how was the meal she prepared for you? It was good. What'd she make? She made fish, like a fresh fish fillet thing.

Fish? Wow, that was so good. That's a new soundbite. Room over eggs. You have a friend. I can't wait for us to have all the food groups. Oh, man. That is...

I can't wait to pull that. Get it on the air. How are we going to use that drop for? For what? What are we not going to use it for? It's for everything. Oh, that's amazing. I can't wait for them to take the sphere again.

We'll be able to promote it. It's going to be amazing. So she prepared a fish dish for you. That's a bit... That is a strange choice. It's a gamble. You're not a fish guy, Jake, are you? I like fish fine.

You do? I've never heard you ever eat fish by choice, ever. Because I don't make fish, but I'll eat fish if someone makes it for me. What kind was it? Some kind of white fish. It had the head on it still. Whoa. I went and bought it at a fish market.

Whoa. And she actually was able to make that? That's a real, I mean, that's not beginner stuff. I would take that on. Yeah, that's a big meal. I sliced it in the middle and filled it up with, like, lemon and thyme and stuff. Wow. Tasted good.

Yeah, it tastes real good. Yummy. And then you went to Bangtown? Yeah, the fish had bones in it, and I put a bone in her fish. Oh, God. God damn. Oh, man. And who do you have to thank for that comment?

No one. 100% check. Yeah, take all the credit on that one. Jesus Christ. That is disgusting. Now that I've got a belly full of fish, let's go. All right. The very least we can do is invite you to meet that man in person tomorrow at our Endless Summer Kegger.

If you call us now, 800-520-1067. That's next. All right, let's give away some tickets to join us tomorrow at the Endless Summer. Kegger, Slightly Stupid will be there. We're going to do Allie's big gender reveal live and in person. You're going to all find out together. I don't know. You know, I feel like Allie slipped a few times, but she slipped both ways.

Did I, though? Yeah, I don't know. Was that all a plan? I've heard you say, I've heard you refer to your unborn child as he, and I've also heard you refer to her as her. Right. So I don't know what's happening down there. Everyone's all mixed up inside. Very confused.

It's going to be like one of them bathrooms. You don't even know anymore. What's it do? It's got a half wheelchair and a foot. Half skirt. There's a skirt, a half skirt, half wheelchair. What am I supposed to do with this room? What color smoke do we do for that?

It's a she-lon, too. Why am I at the Outback? Let's get into this. It's your Klein Alley Show Quiz. Here we go. The Klein Alley Show Quiz. Yeah, that's funny. Tee-tee, cucka.

I don't have please. I have ants. Chris Greger likes Walmart. You never call. I'll see. I'm with you, Hitler. Bitch. Bye, Carl.

Bye, love. A lot of people on the phone right now. Bitch. There it is. That's my absolute favorite new saying. A lot of people apparently, Vanessa, were calling thinking that she said kegs. Yeah, that's so funny. Because of her new live thing.

And then Vanessa had to explain. I know. I just said fish. Cindy, you've been listening how long this morning out of curiosity? Sweet dip. Sweet dip. Listening from 6.30 in the morning. 6.30 a.m.

Non-stop or did you take a break at all? I've been listening and I was in the shower getting ready, doing stuff. All right, well, hopefully you get three in a row right. If you get three in a row right, you're coming to the endless summer kegger tomorrow. If not, we go to someone else. Yesterday, we had to go to a contestant number two. So here we go. Question number one.

Apparently, in the world of dating, Jake was on to something. And we don't give him a lot of credit. But what is it that is apparently now very trendy in dating that Jake claims he was into for a while? oh i didn't hear this sucks to suck goodbye cindy nice to meet you oh cindy i had so much faith we said how to ronnie now who claims he's been listening all morning long ronnie do you have the answer to that first question yeah his musk ah his musk let's find out if you're right the theory behind it is that a man's strong natural musk makes him more sexually attractive that is sadly the correct answer it is

natural musk which apparently is all the rage now people are not wearing deodorant wearing dirty clothes on dates so they can have more of their musk yeah later in the report she said except for jake except for jake we go to question two and you are off to a great start question number two ali claimed that she's going to leave someone on the show something in her will uh this is a double part question. Who is she going to leave it to, and what is it? It's you and her cat. Yeah, baby. Sadly, that is also right.

And Allie has decided that I'm the only person on the show who's going to get anything when she dies, and it's all three of her cats. One of them's 16, the other two are one. They've got a lot of life left. Goddamn. I want out. I'm going to get a lawyer to fight that. They said that you can un-bequeath what I've bequeathed upon you. I don't want

any of your queefs. I left those to you, too. All my queefs. I keep them in a jar. Oh, great. Rather are those than the cats. We go to this final question now and you've gotten two right, which means if you get this last one right, you are joining us tomorrow at the Endless Summer Kegger and that's going to be hopefully

worth your time. It's going to be a great time. Some of the things we have planned, it's going to be, from what we had a long meeting about yesterday, I hope a lot of this stuff can actually happen. It will. One of the things from the meeting I wasn't too happy about, but I'm not going to talk about that part. The other stuff will be great. 99% of it's great.

Last question. He's all, okay. We talked about what you are supposed to do in the event of an earthquake if it hits you while you are sleeping in your bed in the middle of the night. We all gave our answers, but there was only one right answer. What are you supposed to do, according to the experts, when an earthquake hits you in the middle of the night?

Under the cover and pillow fort. Under the cover and pillow fort. And Dutch oven. Pillow fort. Congratulations. You're going to the endless summer kegger. We'll see you tomorrow, Ronnie. All right?

That's what's up. All right. That's what's up. See you tomorrow. Can't wait to drink with you. Let's do some takeaways from today's show as soon as we're done with this one from Julia Wolfe. It is called In My Room. She was in our studio not too long ago.

And after this, we'll do your takeaways and get the hell out of here. All right. Let's do some takeaways. Let's get the hell out of here. And then we'll be back tomorrow for another show before we head to the beach for the Endless Summer of Keg. Vanessa, do we have any extra tickets to give away today? We're going to do that tomorrow. Tomorrow we're going to do a blowout.

So every possible person we can fit in that place, we will get you in tomorrow. So before you start freaking out and threatening things. We have one left for today. Oh, we do? One. Oh, all right. That's cool. All right.

Do us a favor. Go give us a favor. What is with the sound effects? Johnny's back there singing. If you would like to join us, you're not already following along on Instagram, head over there. Give us a follow. Klein Alley Show means a lot. and then call us

and we'll give away another pair of these tickets off the air and then tomorrow we'll do a bunch of them. So be ready to listen tomorrow so we can all go and have one final party.

People are already taking the day off on Friday. I just read this whole email this guy said. What a great idea. I'm taking the day off Friday. I haven't even won tickets yet. I feel like I need

to set everything up to win and I will be there and he's all excited. Danifest it. I think he said he wants to propose to his girlfriend there but you can do that

if you want to. We're not going to make a big spectacle about it because we're already taking advantage of Allie's womb and we'll do the big gender reveal and we've got a big plan for that and slightly stupid. It's going to be a good time.

So hopefully you're there. Of course, you get a chance to bathe the nerd and try to dunk Jake in the dunk tank. There's other people that are going to be in that dunk tank, too. Yeah, Vanessa said she may join in. I said I may. I will bring extra clothes. Let's see how ballsy I feel tomorrow. She'll swim like a fish.

She's going to be in the dunk tank as well tomorrow, we think. I mean, she said it was her idea. No one asked you. That was you volunteering. Just because something fell through and I fell bad. I love it. I love it. The message was for Vanessa. I didn't play this yesterday.

Hey, guys, sweet dibs. I just want to make, for a true Icy Tower, you have to, you can't forget the high five in the middle. That makes the tower. Okay, hold on. Oh, I got to get all of it in. Our dolls didn't do it the right way. Let's do some takeaways from today's show and then we'll officially get out of here. Sluggo will be in for another chance for you to go to a festival on the beach in about 10 minutes.

909, my takeaways, if you want to beat traffic, buy a Kazakhstan tracksuit. Yeah, you could ride in that cool Olympic lane. 818, Omar's very agile. 213, Klein's going to be a cat guy. No, I'm not. Let's see. 213, Klein's a fan of BTS's Mahjong. 818.

That's so problematic. Johnny is a middle-aged black woman. What was that takeaway? Johnny is a middle-aged black woman. Yeah, he was calling a lot of people boo. Yeah, boo's earlier. 424 Klein was visited by Encino Man yesterday

774 The WNBA is brought to you by Dildos and Drama 650 Allie is a bulky pickup 562 Johnny and his girlfriend aren't in the same grade And 562 That was so weird

She was a grade younger That's what it was She clarified right now You figured it out a few hours later? Yeah She had to clarify it for you I was in 8th grade, she was in 7th 626

Jake's Alley's website is called 404-NOT-FOUND and 562. In case of an earthquake, roll out the door and into your yard. That's what you got to do. That's Jake's big plan. What's your takeaway from today's show, Jake the Nerd? I need to try a sunflower butter sandwich. Sunflower butter sandwiches. So bad.

It's what all the kids love these days because they can't have peanut butter. What's your takeaway there, DJ Omar Khan? I like to smell you guys' penis. I don't like that. I don't like that one either. That's weird. I don't like that at all. Damn you, bruiser.

Damn you, Isaac. Damn you. What's your takeaway? You're the one who recorded it. What's that? You said broader the dolls, recorded her saying that. I only... And then...

It was after they said it for hours. They were saying it for hours. So finally, I just felt the need to record it because you guys wouldn't believe it was what was going on in my house yesterday. And now my wife's mad at me. Why did we pick that my doll said that line of all the things I've said on the show? Why does it say I want to smell this guy's... I don't even remember when I said that.

I don't know when you originally said that, but it will live on forever. Yeah, it's the best clip ever. It's better than this. Woo, woo, woo, woo! Well, thank you, kid. That one was at least doing one of the clean ones. What's your takeaway, Johnny?

It's not Klein's house. It's Ram's house. That's right. It's a good takeaway. It's a good takeaway. Vanessa, takeaway today, show? I will have three cats in his future. Yes.

Allie, takeaway? My takeaway is stay tuned for the new season of Dancing With Whoever Takes Our Calls. Oh, man, that show's getting bottom of the barrel. Although Guillermo's on this season. I do like Guillermo from Kimmel. I know. I didn't realize he was in it.

Other than that, it's a lot of who's who's. It was a lot of, I remember that person from 1995. We'll do it again tomorrow. Try to do it better. In the meantime, you can find us on the GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT. All right, that's it. Bye. Climbing Alley, it's just okay.

Do-do-do. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.