Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Jake's Forced Travel, Lesbihonest and MORE

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

New episode of Klein Alley Show is about to begin, but before that can happen, Alley, let's tell the people what they need to know. You mean about San Bernardino International Airport? Of course I'm talking about the San Bernardino International Airport. Easy, close, and not LAX. And parking is always just five bucks a day, which means it is El Cheapo approved. Fly nonstop to Provo, Utah for all the skiing, snowboarding, or wives you can handle. And of course you can fly into my hometown of San Francisco, San Bernardino International Airport, when airports smell great. this is the world famous k-rock bring on the food coma uh good hours we digest cheeseburgers here k-rock klein alley show good morning welcome to your summer funner summer proven that to be very

very true as we have between now and labor day to get everything done and we are asking you there's a post up on our instagram klein alley show pick your favorites and agree to do them with us forced fun all summer long and decide if you want to get drunk at a water park or if you want to have a backyard kegger i mean there's a lot of options you could have actually a couple interesting messages on the go line specifically ali about the backyard keg party including this one hey guys mr suave agave here this is for klein klein i got a solution for you for your keg party that you gotta throw you're throwing this out there if you want to but i'm actually having a pool party with a tequila brand on july 18th so this guy's got a yard he's backyard boogie it's a backyard

party. It's a backyard boogie. And he says we could all just move our party to Suave Agave's backyard. Why don't we do a tequila keg? And it said that you need to throw a keg party in a backyard. It didn't say specifically your backyard. So, if you want to come party with me, bring a

keg. We can party it up. Enjoy the pool, unlimited tequila, food, drinks, BJ. It's got BJs. Oh my God. That sounds amazing. Food, drinks, and BJs. All that thing care of all you got to do is bring the keg. All right. Well, if we show up with a keg.

Is there a guest list cap or like, you know, throw out the invitation on the air and everybody can come and show up? Yeah, reach out to Suave Agave off the air and figure out how many of us. Also, I did think that we did say it had to be Klein's house. Oh, great. I don't remember that. Jake, when is the week you're floating? When are you floating on the river?

Jake's the only person who really cares about going to Klein's house specifically. Jake. I want to stay all night. Oh, great. I'm shutting down that bar. When are you out of town, Jake? When are you going on that float? I'm not telling you nothing.

Because that's when the party is, when you're out of town. I'm not going anywhere. He's starting to get afraid of travel. Yeah, I know. We're going to talk to Jake about this in a moment, but I believe you are slowly becoming agoraphobic. Totally. I think you're on the cusp. You're at a crossroads, right?

Yeah, this is like, you know, when you talk about that weirdo that never leaves their shack. Like, that's about you in two weeks if you don't change things. Royal Otis now on KROQ. Want to see Royal Otis in Santa Barbara? You'll have another chance to hop on KROQ's party bus in less than two hours, and then again at 3 and again at 6, and we'll do it for you tomorrow morning as well, plus bonus tickets as always.

So hop on the party bus with Postmaster Johnny, head to Santa Barbara, and enjoy Royal Otis. So Jake is not leaving his shack very often these days, and I think that once you start staying in more, leaving becomes more challenging. And even that bar you go to all the time, you're a big regular at that bar, you've recently stopped even wanting to go to your favorite bar

because you just like to stay in the Jake shack. Yeah, or at least outside. Don't you think that this is going to go down a very slippery slope into full-blown agoraphobia? I don't know if it's agoraphobia, because I still like to be in my backyard. But I just don't like to go places, because I think traveling sucks. I think agoraphobia is when you don't like to go places. I thought it was the attitude, you don't like to be outside. No, I think it's the definition of what you just said, where, like, you just don't want to go anywhere.

And I know going places is annoying because of parking and stuff, but usually, like, walking, like, we've already made the joke that you never leave Burbank. I mean, you always ask people, hey, can I interview you for KROQ? Sure, where are you from? And the answer is always Burbank because that's the only place you ask to talk to people. Yeah, because it's the easiest place to get to. Why would I go anywhere else when everything I want is right around me? So agoraphobia is driven by the dread of experiencing public environments. See, I don't know if that's exactly it, but I just don't like to travel because traveling, especially like flying, it just sucks.

The whole process sucks. Even flying on a Burbank isn't the best. And then flying back, I just, I hate it. Just the idea of doing it makes me anxious. If you've ever seen him at an airport, he is very anxious. He's the worst. Even when we've flown with him and gotten to the airport like two hours before the flight, and he's totally a wreck.

Yeah, I have PTSD from when I was really sick, because then I had to use the bathroom all the time, and then you had to get in line, and then you had to stay in line, and then I'm stuck in line, and I can't use the bathroom if I need to. It sucks. Jake's pulling his little purple suitcase he has. He stole it from some middle-aged woman. And he has to argue with somebody about his dog, usually.

One point or another. Oh, yeah, that whole thing, too. So, I mean, to go out as you seems like it sucks anyway because there's a lot of you having to explain yourself to people. Yeah, sometimes. So I get why you should start staying in, and I think the first day you should stay in is the day I have my backyard kegger at my house. It's just interesting because summer travel is such a, you know, people love to experience new places. Omar was just telling us where he's planning to go, all these new cities. And, you know, you might miss out on some new life experiences, Jake, if you're not willing to go try new things because you're really set in your ways.

Yeah, but even my own ways, even me traveling, I still go into places I always go to. Yeah, even traveling, you're just going to the same place every year. You're just traveling to the same place. Yeah, because I've got to go to places where I have family that I can stay with for free. You know how we could solve this problem? Drive to Arizona. We get a map of the world, and we just throw a dart at it. And Jake, and we just, you just go.

Oh, great. Jake's going to Qatar. We're going to Iran. Awesome. Jake, I mean, I'm being serious. Would you be opposed to, I mean, that's a great way to get over this fear of leaving is just to have this unexpected, I never thought in a million years I would go to wherever. I don't even have a passport.

No, you don't. No, we can take care of that. Yeah. That's okay. That's usually not. You can still have time to get one before a summer vacation. It's usually not a long and annoying and expensive process to get a passport. So, yeah, we can figure that out.

I'm getting anxious just thinking about it. Okay, I found a website called Earth Roulette. Oh, here we go. Spin it, and it'll tell you a destination you have to go there. Jake, cool. Jake, are you... No, because there's so many places I don't want to go. This website gives you so much anxiety.

If we give you... I'm being serious now. Even if it was just like Central California, I don't even want to go there. If we cover the cost of this trip in some way, shape, or form... Room and board. Yeah, room and board. We're not going to buy all your dumb tchotchkes you're going to buy there. I don't care if you buy roadkill in Amsterdam.

I'm not paying for that. But I'm saying if whatever it is, Allie's going to spin the thing, will you go to this place this summer? I don't. This summer? Well, yeah. This is the time. I can't go this summer.

When you get your passport, we'll plan it. I'm so scared I'm going to throw up my burger. Are you really? Yeah, I feel sick. I feel ill. Whoa. Oh, I think that's why it's important, exposure therapy, right? You've got to challenge yourself to go out and do this stuff.

Otherwise, your world is just going to get smaller and smaller, Jake, and then you are going to be afraid to leave the shack. Even outside is going to be scary. It's just a roulette thing. This place can super suck. Everyone knows that one person, like a neighbor, I have this guy, Gary Roush. Guy never left this house. He was a weird shack house, weren't allowed to trick-or-treat with him.

What's his name? Gary Roush. And it rhymes with house? He's going to be like you, dude. I'm telling you, at one point, the guy was probably going around. Now, all of a sudden, he just wouldn't leave his house. Wow, I can put filters on. Yeah, there's filters.

Do you want to go to cold, mild, or warm climate? Obviously, Allie, click affordable for the budget. Oh, I was going to click expensive. Let's go affordable. Affordable. How about I'll pick mild? Mild for what, weather? Yeah.

No, I want to go to Norway. All right, I just won't click on anything. Yeah, let's just leave the whole world open. This website's cool, by the way. This makes the whole world an option for Jake. I'm so scared. Jake, have you clicked yet? Yes.

Jake, you, my friend, are traveling to... Hertogenbosch. That's not even a thing. That's a sausage. In the Netherlands. Hertogenbosch. That sounds cool. Discover the rich culture of Hertogenbosch.

What it's known for is being... Sounds like Jake's condition. You get Hertogenbosch all over the place. That's what I said when you say that. You can stay for $146 a night at a nice hotel. It's known for being budget-friendly and having great spots to eat out. and incredible views in Night Lake. Jake, you know when you like to talk about those bands

and no one cares about it? Now, Herc and Togandosh can be your same thing. When people are talking about, like, I went to Hawaii, you're like, oh, yeah, well, I went to Herc Togandosh. Yeah, I want to go to Herc Togandosh. Sounds cool. So it's a great... Is that a real thing?

I've never heard of this place in my life. What's the country? It's the Netherlands. Oh. Jake, you want to go to Herc Togandosh? Sure. Let's do it. That's done.

Great. Look at these. There's castles. There's beautiful views and churches. This looks very fun. What's that flight cost? Can someone look that up? Plan the trip with a travel bot.

Here we go. From L.A. to Hertogenbosch. I'm sure that's not a direct flight. Plan my Hertogenbosch trip. Said no one ever. Where would you like to go? Hertogenbosch. So, hold on.

I'm sure some... Three, five days? Three days. Three days, okay. We're paying for it. Okay. All right, here we go. Give me the total on this.

Let's see. Because maybe sometimes the tourism... You've got to leave out of Burbank, not even LAX, right? Because you're not... Jake would not go to LAX, no. It's going to be so much... So he's going to have to probably fly from Burbank to LAX and then leave from there. It's going to be at least a six-flighter, I feel like, for Jake.

Jake, I don't know why you wouldn't just want to... All right, whatever. You got your own weird stuff. But this is our way of curing your agoraphobia. There's one answer, and that answer is her token bosh. The flights range from... Oh, it's going to be about $2,700 one way. All right.

Have you thought about it? I'm not coming back. Have you thought about this? A one-way ticket to her token box. Jake is moving to her token box, everyone. It's K-Rock. It's the Clyde Alley Show. It is the month of June.

Everyone will argue it's World Cup month, except Alley, who's still fighting the good fight for Pride Month. And that's why people are saying, we need some lesbianists in our life. Hi, K-Rock. I have two things to say. Can you guys bring back that funny skit? Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Let's be honest.

I mean, I don't even know if we need to bring it back now that that guy just gave us the rendition of the theme song. But this is an opportunity for you to ask a question to a living, breathing lesbian. It's time for Let's Be Honest. Let's be honest. Let's put our lesbian to the test. She's the very best. Let's be honest. You got a question she'll address.

Come on, shake your breast. Lesbians. Hey, before you answer some of these questions, Allie, and that is one of Omar's finest theme songs to date. It really is. Thank you. Before you answer these questions, though, this guy actually makes an interesting suggestion about Lesbianus this month. Hey, guys. Sweet gifts.

I'm looking at my calendar right now, and it looks like next Friday is the last Friday of June. Um, I was thinking, would you guys be down to do lie day Friday for June and have Allie be on the hot seat just so it could be kind of like a lesbianist and the lie day Friday, uh, like a real lesbianist on the lie, on the lie detector machine. I don't know, maybe a question we could ask is like, does she have a preference on to the gender of her baby or, I don't know, just something like super incriminating. I would love to do a, if he's available, maybe we haven't done any, let's be honest, this month. I mean, we'll get on a question now, but I mean, it would be great if maybe we could plan that for the last Friday of the month, which I think would be, is that this Friday? That would be this Friday. Yeah, so that could be a legitimate lie-day Friday lesbianist edition

where Allie is on the hot seat. We could bring in co-workers and find out if Allie finds them attractive or not. Oh, we could have so much fun with this. Why? Why would we do... Well, there are a couple, actually, that... I know who you're into. No, you don't.

Oh, I do. Sales lady Becky. I do. Sales lady Becky. I know who you're into. I see your eye. I see the certain people that walk in this kitchen, and I watch your eye wander.

You got that real... Isn't it the Greek lady? Yeah, oh, yeah. Allie's got a big thing for the Greek. Well, we all have a crush on her. She's got a big thing for the Greek. She's hot. Every time that woman walks by,

she smashes a plate on the ground. She's so into it. Did you say something to her the last time? Did I say something to her? Yeah, because she doesn't come through to the kitchen anymore. Yeah, because she knows Ali's perving on her. Aw, dude. Sorry.

That sucks. You ruined it for us. I didn't say anything to her. Here's your question for Lesbianas. First of all, sober time, pure gold. I was, like, crying from all the laughter. Absolutely hilarious. Thank you for downloading the bonus podcast called Klein Alley Show.

Over time, I appreciate that, but that's unrelated. Get to your question, please. Love it. Secondly, can we have an impromptu, let's be honest, section? Alley was talking on Thursday about how her breasts are getting bigger because she's, you know, obviously pregnant. I'm wondering, does Katie get excited over that? Just like how a guy would?

Hey, I mean, let us know. Thank you. That's a great question. I remember when my wife's boobs started to get really big when she was pregnant, But she wasn't showing anywhere else, just in her boobs. And it was like the greatest couple of weeks of my life. Well, I'm definitely showing in other places already. Oh.

I mean, it's... But the question is, is your wife excited about it the same way that a man would be excited about that? Or is she more interested in conversing? I feel like we'd have to call her and ask her. Oh, really? Write down her number. Let's call her. If we want to get real lesbian... If we want to get real lesbian honest...

Then I would have to ask her because I really have no idea. I don't think so. I don't think that she would be turned on by me having larger boobs. I think she actually likes that my boobs are on the smaller side. Katie? Oh, there she is. Yeah. Hi.

Morning. Congratulations on this pregnancy, even though, as Allie says, a lot of times you had nothing to do with it. Right. Absolutely nothing. It's her egg. Oh, that's right. This time you did have something to do with it. Yeah, she bailed because she's a coward.

Relax. I can't relax. Everyone just calm down. Are you? I'm a coward? No, no, no. Don't listen to Jake. Jake is just trying to start problems.

She's all I am. Here's the question for real. If I have a kegger in my backyard, would you tap dance at the kegger? No. That would be so awesome. The real question, for let's be honest, Allie, you can ask her. But, babe, we would be giving you an experience so you can tap in front of people because you didn't get your little recital. Allie, I don't want to tap in front of people.

I'm the reason the recital didn't happen. You canceled it because you were too embarrassed? I'm not a performer. I have stage fright. So the real question here is, because I'm pregnant, my boobs are starting to get larger. You've noticed this, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Are you turned on by the fact that I have bigger boobs, or is it a turn off? It's neither. I mean, I like... apathy that's love awesome neither passionate about tap dancing and not about my that hurts so much this is like these are very random questions what do they have to do with each other well they have nothing to do the tap dance conversation was earlier today i just didn't know when we talked to you again this one just came through on the go line it's let's be honest a chance for uh people to get questions answered by living breathing lesbians and in a in a hetero

a marriage or a pregnancy situation, it's very exciting when all of a sudden the boobs get big. Very excited for the partner. I speak on behalf of all men. And someone wanted to know if women feel the same, and you're saying not the case. No, I'm more into like the androgynous look.

Cool. So, you're saying that I also really like blondes. Thanks so much. So you're saying Whatever's the polar opposite of me

The exact opposite of Allie Is what you're into You're into blonde thems Alright, great That has been a very honest edition Of Let's Be Honest Well, thank you very much Let's Be Honest

Let's put a little to the test She's the very best Let's Be Honest You got a question She'll address Come on, shake your breasts Lesbians Alright, there you have it

A speed round of Lesbianist Man, that was insightful to say the very least Should have been faster Yeah Got those answers We'll get into your takeaways and wrap up the show And all that coming up on KROQ Thank you Paradox

We are Klein Alley Show KROQ We're going to wrap things up with some takeaways from today's show Things you may bring with you into your world I'm not looking forward to what I have planned After the show today so already I would like to trade. In fact, that drive to Arizona to go to the Buc-ee sounds better than what I just realized.

What do you have to do? I got this couples therapy thing that's been on Zoom the entire time since we started doing it but the therapist is in town and apparently she is coming over to Oh damn, you're doing an in-person session? In-person session at our house. Wait, a house call?

It's going to be so awkward. Do it at Buc-ee's. I didn't know that was a thing. I thought usually you go to their office or something like that. I don't think she's California-based. I didn't realize that. Whoa. So, anyway, she's, like, in town, and I guess she, I was not a part of this planning, which makes me think I'm being, I'm about to be blindsided.

Like, what? What do you mean? How? I feel like the two of them. You think it's going to be a naked model? Like, this is the therapist. I just think the two of them came up with a plan, and I was not involved in the plan, so now it feels like I'm walking in, and I'm covered in this stupid oil and glitter, so I'm going to rush home. You're going to just shower.

I don't have time. It's happening right after the show today. Oh, it is? Yeah, I've got to rush home because she's got a limited window before she has to fly out of here or something. So now I've got to go. I'm covered in oil. I'm going to show up looking all dis-smelled like cheeseburgers. Oh, my gosh.

You're overthinking it. Yeah, you've got to shift that thunder from down under. I've won so many points in therapy. I'm winning this whole thing. Every week, the Zoom ends, I feel great about myself. I go, I won this round, definitely no question. Well, now you look great. I win every round.

Now you look like you feel. And this woman, I can tell. I need to have this therapist because she gets to hear the crazy, too. So she's like, yeah, this guy's on to something. And then she's going to see you in person and be like, oh, God, I was so wrong about him. Right. I'm afraid it's going to all be undone. I think if you put back on the little shirt.

I'm not putting back on the tank top. I'm going in. Come on. Put back on the tank top. I got it. Just say you work in radio. You host a wacky morning show radio show, and then she'll totally understand. Yeah, play her a clip.

Does anyone have a collared shirt I could borrow? I need to get a collared shirt. If I don't walk in wearing a collared shirt. No, that looks like you're trying too hard. I know, but the problem is- You can't look like you're trying. If I go in covered in oil and glitter, she's going to- Covered in oil and glitter.

Yeah, make her a mimosa. You look fine. Someone says I look like a West Hollywood bartender. Yeah, make her some drinks. Not anymore. That's my permanent look now. You're going to say, shake a shake of some drinks up. A shake a shake of.

So let's figure out who wins couples therapy today. Score will be updated tomorrow. Let's do takeaways from today's show. What do we got? 818, my takeaway is your greyhound bus ride may come with spinal meningitis. That was a crazy story. 424, my takeaway is Arby's. We have the herb.

818, Vanessa hates messy. And Klein looks like every bobblehead. Thank you. 2-1-3. Kaka, ayudame. 6-5-0. The moon has great representation. And 6-2-6.

My takeaway is thank you, Clive Davis and Kenny G, for all the great hold music. Man, if it was not for Clive Davis, you'd be sitting around listening to your own thoughts instead of the sweet sounds of this man. And now we can all sit on hold for hours. Forget why we even called to begin with. It's a beautiful thing. 415 thinks that you're going to have a threesome with your therapist. Definitely not.

I mean, that's an interesting problem. I never thought of that. Definitely not. It's basically how every one of them start. It's kind of like the therapist. House call. House call. Dude, come on.

Well, I'm oiled up. You're all oiled up. I'm already oiled up. Man, this could be the greatest. Now you're excited. If this happens, it'll be the greatest afternoon of my life. Very excited. Guys, pray for me, please.

Send good vibes, Vanessa. Send good vibes. Send good vibes. All right. Threesome vibes. Takeaways from today's show. What do we have? Jake the Nerd, what's up?

Klein makes a great gorilla fart. Thank you for that. If you don't know what we're talking about, you should listen to the entire show. That's in context or out of context. What's your takeaway, Johnny? Klein's a churro. That's right. Thank you for that.

Vanessa, takeaway? Klein looks messy in general. Great. Is there anything not about me today? Allie, you have a takeaway from today's show? You look terrible. Thanks. Thank you.

Thanks. Sorry. That's what smart people say Omar, you have a takeaway? My takeaway is that Klein's a big bib baby Big, big baby Hey, these burger bibs, huh? Jake, did you get any burgers on your shirt when you were doing the taste test?

I did not Yeah, these burger bibs, the future, man These are great They are the future The future and the past It's in the trash can's future Have a good day, we'll do it tomorrow Try to do it better

If you do this in the meantime, you can find us on the GOAT line 844-956-GOAT Slugger's in here in a moment He's got more spots on that bus to go see Royal Otis, and then he'll have more chances this afternoon with Kevin Ryder. All right, have a good day. Bye.