Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Johnny Doesn't Know, Fart Spray and MORE

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

We'll get into an episode of Klein Alley Show in just a moment, but in the meantime, let's tell you about our absolute favorite place on the planet. Yep, that would be San Bernardino International Airport, where you can go through the airport process without waiting in long lines and overpaying for parking. Quick connections to the Bay Area and the world, plus ski and snowboard in Provo from San Bernardino all winter long. Every other airport, you're going to be in long TSA lines, you're going to be miserable, you're going to say, oh, I got to get there two, three hours before my flight.

Not at San Bernardino International Airport. And now we send you on a direct flight into our podcast, which starts right now. This is the world famous K-Rock. All right, just after 10 o'clock on a Monday, Recovery Monday, if you spent most of the weekend watching football, drinking heavily, down in wings. You know, it's weird. I don't remember what day it was that it officially happened, but I'm officially a flats guy now with wings, and I was a little drumstick guy for most of my life,

and I would not even mess with the flats. It seemed like it was too much work. Nah, flats is where it's at, 100%. Flats is where it's at. Dude, yeah, you put those things in there, they're poof, get all the meat out. Now I'm at a point where I got to be honest, those little, if I got like a, there's some places I'll let you pick, you know, you can go all flats or all drummies.

And I used to go like God's choice. You decide, you know, let it be how the pieces fall, and I will eat accordingly. And now, I'm like bummed out when I can't just go flats. And I don't know anyone that would not pick flats now. Is anyone here a drumstick person over flats? I think I'm still a drumstick guy. You are, Jake?

Really? I think so. Man, I made that shift. I like them both. But I think I like drumsticks more. What I find from the drumsticks, Wings, is that they're more fatty. Preach, Vanessa. Preach.

Whose house? Fran's house. Preach, girl. As a chicken lover, as you may say, the drums are too fatty in the middle. I don't know. There's, like, not enough chicken. Am I right? I feel more like I am in my caveman.

I'm in, like, my essence when I'm ripping into a flat. I feel like I've dominated that bird more, almost like I earned it more. And I actually think it's better flavor. I'm telling you, a proper, if you're going best wing to best wing, I'm team flats now. I've completely made the shift in my life. I never thought I would have been that way. Just crazy.

Your flats, Omar, too? Yeah, but I also will have a drumstick. I mean, you know, definitely flats better, but I will occasionally like a drumstick for sure. Yeah, I used to be all drums. Now it's all flats. Every once in a while, I'll use a drum as a palate cleanser before I go back to the flats.

But, man, what a weekend. Best time of the year for wings. Best time of the year for chicken. That's why we're going to be hooking you up all week with tickets to go to Tenderfest. And later this hour, we will get you into the In-N-Out Burger sound space at KROQ for the next four shows, which means you'll be seeing Dexter of the Moonrocks,

Fontaine's D.C., The Beaches, and The Paradox. All those shows will be in your future here. And, of course, you know, it's a big weekend for sports. Obviously, there's only one thing people are talking about, and here it is. Let's go. Team USA Women's Basketball, we just won the gold for the World Cup.

That's what we're all talking about. Everyone's talking about women's basketball. No, they're not. They're talking about NFL football. Let us bask in the glory. You don't get your gay sports highlights today because Allie's not here. But you would never know she's not here because Omar can make her here just by hitting this button. Hey, Allie.

Saw a couple of cute boys and a hot little girl. It was a real all-you-can-eat boyfay. That's so typical. So Allie to say that. Nice to talk to you. We will get into this one from Sublime. And then we have more show in store for you. Plus some Johnny Doesn't Know coming up this hour on KROQ.

Back to school time is officially underway. and perhaps you have a back-to-school night to get to this week or next week or maybe you just went to one. It's really hard to stay awake in class, especially when it's the teacher up at the front blabbing about the important things they're going to teach your kid this year. You have to stay focused and you have to pretend that you're not the reason that your kid is having a hard time in school,

even though it's pretty clear. I'm sure the teachers can tell pretty quickly that the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. But we like to spotlight stories that are feel-good stories because, as you know, Klein Alley Show is a feel-good show. You maybe woke up feeling cranky or angry, your back was hurting, hungover or whatever, and then you listen to the show and you feel better. So we've brought you many of these

feel-good back-to-school stories over the years, around this time of the year. In fact, we were just talking about chicken wings. You may remember this feel-good back-to-school story we brought you last year. A, B, C, easy one, two, three. Well, new at 10, a former Harvey School District Director pleaded guilty to stealing

$1.5 million worth of chicken wings. A, B, C, easy one, two, three. And then we brought you this story also that happened. Orwick Custodian is being charged for allegedly stealing 10 Chromebook laptops from the Robertson Elementary School. Officials say 53-year-old Luis Calcano Acevedo could be seen hiding the laptops in surveillance videos. And then, you know, we talked about all of these different stories, including bus drivers that get drunk on hand sanitizer, etc.

But we have the first feel-good back-to-school story of the 2026 back-to-school year. And I think it's worth us sharing with you right now because if you've got kids in school or perhaps you work in the school, you work, you know, I don't know, work as a teacher or work as a janitor or maybe you're a lunch lady like Ali's aunt was. I think it's important that we focus on some of the feel good stories. So here we go. Without any further ado, it is the feel good back to school story of the 2026 back to school season. A school prank involving what police called fart spray sent at least three elementary students to the hospital and prompted a hazmat response. Officials say a student at a Fort Lauderdale elementary school brought the spray to campus and discharged it in a hallway. I'll give the kid credit because if you're a child, I don't think there's probably a funnier prank to pull than fart spray.

Classic. It's a classic. I used to do the stink bombs. Yeah, well, the stink bombs were like the slippery slope gateway drug into the fart spray. And I believe that the smells have gotten far more intense over the years. I think science has figured out a way to make these from smelling bad. Because stink bombs used to just have a rotten egg smell. They did a great job of making that rotten egg smell.

And it was terrible and it was nauseating. And I think they've gotten to the point now where fart spray has gotten so powerful. In this particular case you'll hear, people had to get medical treatment. And discharge it in a hallway, restroom, and classroom. What may have been intended as a joke quickly escalated. Ten students had to be evaluated for respiratory symptoms. I mean, that is a strong-ass fart spray. Ten kids had to get looked at for respiratory symptoms because of fart spray.

But also, this has to do with the fact that the prank is a good concept, but there was no nuance to it. Because the guy probably just unloaded the entire... If he had just done a little spray here, a little spray there, where people go around and then you get to watch people as they kind of make that, Oh, God, what is that? That's the subtlety of a good prank. This guy probably, you know, got all excited because he came across some fart spray. And it sounds like he unloaded the whole bottle of it, which is way too much. And three were taken to a local hospital as a precaution.

Oh, just imagine that. You're in the hospital now. You've got to put an insurance form in. What's the reason a kid sucked in some fart spray in school? The school was put on lockdown while police, firefighters, and hazmat crews responded to investigate. Yes, a hazmat truck showed up over fart spray. So there you go. It's your feel-good back-to-school story of the 2026 back-to-school season.

If you think you can top that, please get them to us by sliding in the DMs, Klein Alley Show, or you can email us. Hey, did we get that email address set up for the show, Vanessa? I know we were talking about that last week. I know. Wayne's working on it, but I don't know if it's ready, right? All right, we're going to have an email. A lot of people always try to get us stuff,

and they say it's annoying to send it to us through Instagram, so we're going to have a show email so you can... I don't know why it's taking this long. It should be... I can set up a Gmail in 15 minutes. This is official, official. This is Odyssey, man. It takes forever.

All right, well, next year around this time, remind me that we have an email address to tell you about. we're back in a moment when we return you battling johnny tickets to not one not two not three but the next four shows happening here at k-rock uh back to school time never hit johnny he was hitting the head by quite a few things over his lifetime but we'll get into one round if johnny doesn't know for you to win your way in and that is next on k-rock k-rock we're a clown alley show uh we got four bands in your future four burgers in your future so we give johnny four different questions today and that means everyone who gets theirs right will have a chance to win their way

into the next four shows here at KROQ. Johnny's very excited because he's a new Broncos fan, which means he will be... Johnny, you are a Chargers fan in real life, though, aren't you? No, I'm undecided on a football team. Oh, I thought your dad has, like, season tickets to Chargers. He's got season tickets, but because it's the Chargers, it's the cheapest.

Oh, they were cheap? Is that why he got them? What do they cost for season tickets to the Chargers? Like, six bucks? Yeah, 20 bucks. So he's a season ticket holder with good seats or bad seats? They're pretty good, actually. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, they got their own concession stand and everything. So anyway, I would go there just to sit by a...

Madison Beer? Yeah, exactly. That's exactly why. I would go to... I wonder if they could do certain seats facing her where she's sitting, not even facing the field. I'd actually start going to the games then.

All right, well, we got some questions here, Johnny, and these are all famous quotes. You just have to finish the famous quotes. These are things you... Why you say them? Quotes is, like, what really trips me up because, like, anybody could say these. And it's like, I've heard them too,

but, like, you guys like the niche little references. These are not niche at all. Have you heard of a man by the name of Buddha? Yeah. Okay, well, he's given us one of these quotes. The Asian dude, right? Pretty well-known, quotable guy. Yeah.

Buddha is the Asian dude, if you're writing down your takeaways for today's show. Let's get into it. Once again, you don't need to know the answers. You just need to predict if Johnny will know. Up for grabs. Everyone who gets theirs right, write your name down. One of you will get access to the next four shows here at KROQ. Here we go.

Johnny doesn't know. And I was like, okay. Oh, Johnny doesn't know. I didn't know Vegas was in bad for a while. Johnny doesn't know. Johnny doesn't know. Gelato sounds like jello. Johnny doesn't know.

It like goes... Wiggles. Very quotable quotes. Most people probably know these, but will Johnny. He's had trouble in the past with quotes, specifically ones from movies. This one, these are quotes that will take you throughout history. And we will start with the man I just mentioned a moment ago, Buddha. Priscilla, good morning.

You're on KROQ. Hi. Hi, good morning. Sweet divots. Sweet divots. I will give Johnny the first part of this quote, and let's see if he can finish it. From a man by the name of Buddha. What we think.

Will Johnny be able to finish this quote, yes or no? I'm going to go with no. What we think. I have two, but I think it's the exact same thing. What we think is what we are, or what we think is what we become. So I'm going to go with what we are. Because I think that's like present tense and that's like a better answer, I think. What we think is what we are, Buddha, 1586.

All of what you just said is way off. What we think, we become. I was close. You were in the right wheelhouse, but sadly you went with the opposite of what you should have said. And she said you would not know, so congratulations. Hold on one second. She is right, which means she's a step away. Once again, we said four bands, four burgers, four quotes.

In this round of Johnny Doesn't Know, we say hi to Jesse in Burbank now. Good morning to Jesse. Hi, welcome to KROQ. Knowledge is what? Knowledge is what? This is not from Buddha. But will Johnny know this? Francis Bacon.

It's a very famous quote from Francis Bacon. Knowledge is What Francis Bacon Will Johnny know this Jesse No I don't think he's going to know Johnny

Knowledge is Is it going to be knowledge is key Knowledge is power Knowledge is key I'm going to say knowledge is key I think I've seen that written on a wall somewhere You've seen that on the wall of a restaurant Knowledge is key.

Like in school, you know when your third grade teacher puts up the little signs that say knowledge is power. That's not a restaurant. That's a school. Oh, a school, yeah. But like at a restaurant, they might have it. You would tag a wall at Applebee's and write knowledge is key. Have you seen the walls of Applebee's? Yeah, I have.

I've seen crazier stuff there on those walls. He said you wouldn't know. You've once again somehow said the right answer, but then you locked in on the wrong one. Oh, knowledge is key. Knowledge is power. Oh, power. I said that. Knowledge is power.

Hold on, Jesse. You got yours right as well. So, Johnny, it's funny because you kind of like know these, but you don't know them, which is interesting as well. Well, Francis Bacon threw me through a loop. I thought you were trying to trick me out right there. You thought I made that name up? Yeah, because Bacon. What the hell is the name Bacon?

Right. Who would be named that? Yeah. We say hi to Matthew now in Santa Ana. Matthew, a chance for you to also score these tickets for the next four shows happening here at KROQ at the Internet Burger Sound Space. You'll be seeing so many amazing bands here, like The Paradox and Fontaine's D.C., Dexter and the Moonrocks, and the Beaches. You'll be at all the shows. You'll be eating all the burgers.

You'll have four people that will owe you favors. And welcome to Johnny Doesn't Know, four quotes, four bands, four burgers. You ready? Yeah, thank you. You're very welcome. Johnny? Yeah. According to Oscar Wilde, be yourself.

Because. Oh. Will Johnny know this? Yes or no? Matthew, he looks stunned when I said that. Be yourself. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Be yourself because nobody else could be you. No. You figured out a way to kind of take these quotes and make them unquotable, which is interesting. Be yourself because everybody. Oh, everybody else is taken. Everybody else is taken. Yeah. All right, Matthew.

Good job. Wow. He did not get his right as well. So that's three now, and we go to Alex North Hollywood for the final quote. Johnny's 0 for 3. Damn. I'm going to go really easy this time, Johnny. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Good morning, Alex. Hey, Tibbs. Shout out, NetDangers. All right. Here we go. Johnny? Yeah, let's hit it.

This is from a Japanese proverb. Fall seven times. Stand up. will johnny know this yes or no alex i mean i love johnny but i don't think he's gonna know he's gotten none right so far but he does do great with japanese proverbs we've always said that about him how many times did you fall again fall seven times uh-huh stand up eight times why do you come up with that number well because you fall seven it's like stand up again you're gonna stand up and it's gonna be the eighth time so it's like if you

fall seven times, get back up because the eighth time you might win. You might do that. Alex, I'm so sorry. You had no faith in Johnny as you should have played the game, but sadly, Johnny got that right. Fall seven times, stand up eight. Really? Yeah. He's a genius. Johnny is a Japanese.

Jake, I know you're a big fan of all things Japanese culture. Find another Japanese proverb and let's see if Johnny's able to solve this. Because Johnny, I know you probably have a bunch of them on the top of your... Of course I do, yes. Because you love anime and all things Japanese culture. You know I hate anime. But, Johnny, it's incredible that of all of the quotes, Johnny couldn't get anything right about Buddha, nothing right about Francis Bacon.

What if I'm like a modern-day Confucius? I think you're modern-day Confucius as hell, is what I think. Listen to this. Jake is going to give you another part of a famous Japanese proverb right now. Let's see. Maybe, what if Johnny is so smart that he's able to solve all of these now without any knowledge? I'd love that. All right, ready?

Yeah. Go ahead. Even monkeys fall. Go ahead. Even monkeys fall, but they still are happy, and they still... Take back everything I said about that. They fall and they're happy, but what do they do? They live another day?

They keep swinging. They keep swinging. Even monkeys fall, but they keep swinging. Even monkeys fall from trees. What? Do you understand that, Johnny? I'm not Japanese. Which means even experts make mistakes.

Oh, yeah. See? Just like I did right now. Yeah. Well, I take back. I thought Johnny may have been a genius, but we were wrong. All right. Priscilla, Jesse, Matthew all got theirs right.

Johnny, I need a number from you, one through eight. Give me a number. Six. That puts us on Matthew in Santa Ana. Matthew, congratulations. All right. Thank you. We will see you at the next four shows happening here at KROQ and Come Hungry because you'll be getting In-N-Out at all of them.

Congratulations. Takeaways from today's show after this one from Green Day. Do some takeaways from today's show. Get out of here. Sluggo will be in in moments. And if you've been trying to get into the next four shows happening here at KROQ's In-N-Out Burger Sound Space, fear not because you'll have chances to win those tickets, I think, every – is that every hour straight up through 6 p.m.? Every hour. Wow, look at that.

Every hour. So just keep on winning. I would have said that earlier, but then I would have assumed you would have tuned us out and come back with Sluggo. But now you have a chance to win them with Sluggo and then again with Kevin. So just keep listening to K-Rock and win your way into all them shows coming up. A reminder, if you were planning on going to the Ocean Way Festival and you found out that that show was canceled, so you're not going to be able to see Killers and Sublime and Jack White

and all that with that Ferris wheel behind you, don't worry. We will accept all those tickets at the Klein Alley Show Fiesta Siesta happening on Wednesday, this Wednesday. Who's going to be there? We don't have the same band booked. Jack White? No? No, not yet. We've got, do we have calls out to their people, Vanessa?

I made the calls. Oh. So we've got a call. I don't know. I said calls. She goes, call! Descanso, Los Angeles, mid-Miracle Mile. We'll be there from 11 till 1230 or 1 or something.

We do have live music from Ear Ringers. Mariachi will be there. First 106 people get gourmet tacos. Limited edition, low-slogger shirts as well. So we'd love to see you out there on Wednesday this week for a middle-of-the-week lunchtime hang. and you can either fiesta or siesta depending on how you're feeling

in the middle of the week. You never know. Some people are ready to go. They're already ready for the next week and others are like, I'm dragging ass. Choice is yours. It's our first ever fiesta siesta

and we'd love you to be there on Wednesday. All right, takeaways from today's show on the text line. 714, I'm just browsing for hams is a totally reasonable thing to say. And I did say that to Stanley from the office and he agreed. Although I didn't leave that empty handed.

818 said Elsa has a speaking gap in her relationship. Another 818 takeaway, You've got to hit them first with the whoop-ah. That's how you know you've won the relationship. 650, Urkel gets all the tendies. 213, 80 mini-bikes equals one regular bike. Learned that on today's show.

And 626 at Buddha is that Asian dude. And someone said, my favorite football team now, 909, is the San Francisco 69ers. What's your takeaway from today's show, Johnny? Happy birthday, Bruiser. Hey, happy birthday, little Bruiser. He's given us some great lines over the years. I like to smell you guys' penis. That's not my favorite thing she said, but I hope she doesn't do that ever again.

What's your takeaway from today's show, Vanessa? Client got hassled by Stanley from The Office. Man, that guy's good at selling. Good at selling. Sell paper, you can sell ham. That's a great takeaway. You can sell paper, you can definitely sell ham. That's easy if you sold paper for years.

What's your takeaway, Jake? This was real quick. You might have missed it, but Vanessa has a practical magic outfit. Yeah, the girls are going to be dressed like witches, and I've got an outfit. She's wearing a special outfit to the movie theater, so this is very exciting. What day is this, tomorrow? Yeah, I'm going tomorrow. And you want to tell us which location so we can...

No, definitely not, you weirdos. All right. I like it that she's the one dressing like a witch to go to the movies, and we're weirdos. We're the weirdos? You're going to eat popcorn out of a cauldron or out of a regular bag? Maybe. Okay. Maybe I will.

That's why she's got all them spells. She's been dropping on us the last few weeks, whooshy-pooshy and all that stuff. Omar, you have a takeaway? Send Vibes out to Miles, please. Yeah, send all them Vibes over to Miles. We'll do it tomorrow. We'll try to do it better. If you need us in the meantime, you can find us on the GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT.

And Allie will be back tomorrow, at least we think. All right, that's it. Goodbye. Clown and Allie, it's just okay, do-do-do. Clown and Allie, it's just okay, oh. Clown and Allie, it's just okay, do-do-do-do-do-just okay, do-do-do. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.