Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Klein Helps the Homeless, Old People's Secrets and MORE

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock.

Oh, yeah. Welcome to your K-Rock. Welcome to your Klein Alley Show. It's just after 10 o'clock on a Tuesday morning in August. We are Klein Alley Show. My name's Klein. There's Alley. Morning.

That is DJ Omar Khan right there. Birthday boy, Jake the Nerd. What's up? You're thinking to yourself, I want to do something fun this summer. I haven't done any travel. You're probably not thinking about the DMV in Glendale, but that's where Jake will be celebrating his birthday today. Once again, this is not a sanctioned hang.

We don't even think the DMV will allow Jake to sit there for four hours wearing his birthday sash, but he'll be there. Yeah, we don't even know if he'll get in. We've got some entertainment scheduled and some pizzas coming for Jake, and we may stop by. I know Vanessa says she's not going to because it's not on her way home. I'm going to attempt to stop by. But also, I thought this was a punishment, and that sounds like a punishment from a good guy. To have your birthday party at the DMV by yourself is a punishment. So no matter how we slice it, trust me, I think it's going to be a punishment.

Yeah, but Jake didn't have anything else going on for his birthday. Well, he was not going to get his nap, his favorite time of the day. He's missing a nap. So he's going to be there. Anyway, we'll be stopping by. If you'd like to come by and pay your respects to Jake the Nerd on his birthday, he'll be at the DMV in Glendale for no reason, just sitting there. Details up on our Instagram, McLeanAllyShow.

Lots to get into this hour, including but not limited to old people's secrets. If you want to live forever, we have it from a 104-year-old. Exactly what you need to be doing if you want to live for as long as humanly possible. And we will get into that. Plus, if we have time for it, we'll get into some Johnny Doesn't Know as well. And your interaction is always why we're here at 800-520-1067. If you need us, you can get involved with the show. This is Julia Wolf.

And if it sounds like we're playing it a lot, it's because we are. Sometimes we do that. It is called In My Room, and it is on KROQ right now. Hey, Rock. We are Klein Alley Show. That was Julia Wolf. And it's time now to help you live forever. Every time someone turns 100, 102, 105, 110, I believe the oldest old people secret we ever got on the show was someone that was 111, I think.

Is that possible? Yay. I know we did 110 and 107 just last week. So people are getting older, living longer, and they're saying people that are being born today could easily live to 156, no problems. But what is your secret? Why are you living longer than the rest of us? And are you giving us good intel or are you setting us up so that we die off early and you get all the glory.

It's time for Old People's Secrets. From chicken brain to drinking rain, not getting laid, they call me the barmaid. They call me the barmaid. That's right. Let's live forever with sweet dibbits. Oh, sweet dibbits.

Time for some Old People's Secrets. Now, it used to be these cheesy evening news reports, sally that would focus on the old people have now gone into the world of youtube reporting and now people everyone wants to interview the old people to get the secrets they don't want to wait around for the uh evening news to cover the story so we have a new one overly sappy music behind it no no no music at all um but this is not the typical old people secrets this is going to be a very raw uncut old people secret as we sit down with someone who just turned 104 well they say four But it's 104.

She's tired of people getting it wrong. They're 100 years off. I guess they could only put a four on her cake. Or they only had four candles or something. They couldn't buy a one and a zero? I guess they just put a four there. She was very confused, so. Well, they say four.

But it's 104. So she wants everyone to just know that she's 104 years old. And clearly that's obvious by the... Old. Well, it's nice. I'm getting fine. Keep busy and keep your mind going. So she's giving a little bit of a kind of a speech now to people.

Oh, is she in a bingo hall? I believe it's a bunch of people that are waiting for their medications. Oh, nice. And she's just kind of rambling. CBS Pharmacy line. You have to keep busy, and you have to use your mind every day. What do you do to use your mind every day? It's almost like she's doing like an AMA or like a TED Talk sort of situation,

but just with other old people that they're not really paying attention because they're also old. She's like, okay, and next question is like a press conference. Right, but once again, no one cares because they're all so old like she is. So for them, it's not that impressive. What do you do to use your mind every day? The computer talks to it, and it talks to me. Nice. She's doing chat GBT.

She's talking to the computer. She sounds like a grok girl. I got a great headless room you could go to if you're looking to have some fun. You can all talk to each other. You got to keep busy over there. It's a headless sex party. What if she shows up in your chat? It's happened before.

You can't even see the boobs. They're all the way down. You've got to expand windows, then close them quickly. What's the secret to your longevity? All right, now. This is the question. What's the secret? This is the same question.

That's actually a question they asked LeBron James at a press conference. But this is the question now. We heard a little bit about her, not much. She talks to computers. They talk back to her. She's been around 104 years, not four. And she's about to share with us her secret, Allie, to being 104. What do you think it is?

Dude, she's candy crushing it. Candy crush. She's doing some kind of a phone game, and it is keeping her occupado. Omar, what do you think her secret is? It's going to be something food-related, I want to say. I want to say, enjoy your sweets.

Sweets. Got a sweet tooth. A sweet tooth. Usually it's all whistling when they say it, because you're missing all their teeth. Jake? Yeah, I play Max's Gathering in a mirror. No way, dude. That's just you. That's your plan today.

That's still a good plan. Let's stop trying to popularize it. God, we know it's your birthday. No old people are saying magic the gathering of beer. She said keep your mind sharp and use it. Vanessa? Damn, Jake took it out of my mouth. I was going to say keep your mind sharp.

Do some buzz balls. All right, do some buzz balls. Do some buzz balls. Buzz balls. This is what she actually said if you want to be 104. That's a question that everybody asks the first thing. Uh, we always, uh, hiked a lot outdoors. My last hiking trip, I was 85.

We hiked six miles up the mountain to a glacier. Wow. Well, not to, not to, you know. She's a hiker. But not to. Yeah, but that was like 20 years ago. Yeah, that was 20 years ago. She was 85.

That's so pretty. What the hell? Ali, Ali. Six miles uphill at 85 years old? That's not, I'm saying it's impressive, but she's now 20 years past that and she's still going back. This is like someone's still talking about their high school football accomplishments. I hiked 20.

It's like every girl on their dating profile. Yeah, right. But I mean, this is like... I hiked once. She says her secret, and 20 years ago, she did it. My last hiking trip, I was 85. We hiked six miles up the mountain to a glacier. Camped and carried our packs.

We camped and carried our craps? Packs. Oh. She crapped a crap. Camped and carried our packs. So outdoors is a lot, helps a lot. Yeah. Always after you.

You know, it's nice to take every day as it comes. You get up and you say, I'm thankful for this day. So her secret is outdoors. Why are you all laughing at her? They think she's doing stand-up. Anyway, that is her secret. She says outdoors. Got to get outdoors more.

I mean, technically, when you're 104, a hike could be just walking from an Uber to the door. Yeah, so congratulations to that lady, and thank you for sharing with us your secret. We will all use that so that we, too, can live forever. We take a quick break. We're back in a moment. The show continues after this. If you need us, 800-520-1067. You can, in fact, let me just, I've been not, I've been not putting these calls on throughout the show today because I didn't think anyone cared.

But because we're running out of show. Go ahead, Natalie. You're on KROQ. Good morning. Good morning, KROQ. Oh, this is so exciting. I can't wait to tell my dad I got on the radio. I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

I wanted to say happy birthday to Jake and also say my birthday was two days ago and my stepsister's birthday is today and we're all Leos and we're awesome. Well, happy birthday to your stepsister. I'm glad that we could take a moment to give her a birthday shout-out. Birthday, Bruce!

Does she listen? Yes, thank you. She is not in California right now, so I don't know. Someone's stepsister in a different state. It's important that we cover that. I'm glad we took some time to do that. Hey, I'll still let her know.

I mean, she'll like the attention regardless. So you're calling to wish Jake a happy birthday, but really you're calling to say your birthday was two days ago. I'm saying, I'm trying to say that we're all Leos and we're awesome. Yeah. Oh, got it. What'd you do for your birthday? I got my hair done and I look five years younger and that's all I wanted.

Sounds awesome. You want to send us a picture? What was that? You want to send a picture? a picture can i send it to the text line yeah okay i'll send you a picture she's right leo's are awesome i was on the fence before this call but now i can agree as well you're either going to determine that i'm a good person or a bad person based on the following and not that it really matters i already know the answer no no you don't and i actually think

you guys take a second before you just all lock in on bad person yet again bad person because the... One, two, three, bad person. Bad person. Bad person. I haven't even told the goddamn story yet. So what's the point?

I'll just play a song. Bad person, moving on. Okay. I come across a man at my local CVS. Anytime I'm going in or out of there and he is...

He's an unhomed individual. Homeless, I thought. Bum. You're trying so hard to be PC. What is wrong with him? Unhoused is what they're saying. He's not a...

No homo. He's an unhomed freak. Homo? No homo. No hobo. Is he a bum? Yeah, he's a bum. All right.

Nice guy, though. Just say bum. Yeah, I say bum. Yeah, he's hobophobic. I'm not hobophobic. What did you say about that person? He's a nice man who doesn't have a house. All right?

He's houseless. All right, okay. Is this what you told him? Yeah, I know the situation. I'm a reminder, dude. You have no house. And you're a bum. I don't say those things to him.

I say hi to him. I acknowledge him. Most people, they look the other way. They completely ignore. I don't make eye contact, because that'd be weird, but I definitely head nod in his general direction. While looking down at the ground. And occasionally, when I actually do have money or change, which is rare, but I- You just throw it at him?

I chuck it at him, and I say, pick it up. Chase this. And on some of the really hot days, like it's been recently, when I go in there- You spit on him? You leave with him? I leave with a cold drink that I'll buy at the register. Oh, that's nice of you. If they have a buy one, get one.

and I'll give it to him on the way out and I'll say, here you go. So that's his spot? He's there every day? Always, always there. What kind of drink are you giving him? It depends what I'm getting. I usually give him whatever I get.

Does he ever ask for anything? He's kind of, at this point, we're past that point of him asking for stuff because there's been enough times now where I think he recognizes me and I recognize him. I'm the guy with the house. He has no house.

But we kind of do an exchange like, hey, what's up, what's up? and now I know what he's up and sometimes I give him stuff and sometimes I'm like hey sorry not today

and then sometimes I'm like hey I got you a cold water and he goes oh man really appreciate that thanks so much and I know that

some people go you're not supposed to feed the pigeons or feed the you know so homeless guys are pigeons no

Jesus thank god he's a person you guys are taking what I'm saying and twisting it what are you getting at here what I'm saying

is I'm about to say a really nice thing I did don't feed the animals Throwing rice at them? What are you doing? Some businesses do not like it when you support panhandling near the business because then the people set up shop there.

It's not good for business. They loiter around, yeah. I'm pretty sure CVS will be just fine. I don't think they're hurting. I think people need to go in there and get their meds and whatever else. I think they are. Well, whatever. It's not because of this guy.

And this guy, he seems like a nice guy who's down on his luck. Anyway, long and short of it is, this past weekend, My wife is convinced that we have a cockroach infestation in the house. She's convinced of it. So she decided that we need to get rid of every open food container in the house. Well, that's not going to do anything. I said, what you are saying is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. She wants to get rid of all food?

Anything that's been opened. Anything that has been opened in any way, shape, or form she thinks could have potentially been cockroach contaminated. And I said, that is idiotic and stupid, and this is a giant waste of food, and I won't stand for it. Is that what attracts them anyway? I mean, it's not like, have you ever seen a cockroach eating a sandwich? No, they're just kind of around. I don't think that's what attracts them, but in her mind, that's what it is. And also, she thinks anything that was open, a bag of chips, cockroach probably went in there, rubbed its body around, and got out.

Oh, yeah. Well, they do do that. So she's got this whole plan about getting rid of everything. I said, I'm not doing it. And then it hit me. I said, you know what? You want to go ahead and take all the food that you think is unsavory, put it in these bags, shopping bags. I got a guy I'm going to bring them to.

Wow, what a haul for him, yeah. Right. What a haul. So we spend, we go through And there's a lot of fighting going on internally About what has been tainted and what has not been tainted Because I'm like, this is like a thing of Oreos 80% of the Oreos are here, they're in great shape

What are we doing here? I don't want to get rid of them Have roaches been spotted inside the pantry? Or wherever you keep your stuff? Listen, there has been a roach That has been spotted multiple times I'm convinced it's the same roach She's convinced it's multiple roaches

And she thinks it's a full on infestation Where are the roaches in the house? Where are the sightings? Under the sink in the kitchen. It's been spotted in the pantry before it's been spotted. Oh. Scurrying, a little quick scurry. Scurry with those weird-ass legs.

Okay, well, yeah, that's horrifying. But not, I've never seen it in the food. I've never opened a container and seen it in the food. I feel like we all got roaches. Let's just accept it and move on with life, right? No, I think you need to burn the house down. So, anyway. In the pantry.

We put together about three, four good shopping bags full of stuff. And a lot of it is in pretty good shape. And I throw in some drinks and other stuff. And I say, I'm going to go give this to my guy. I got a guy that would probably appreciate this. And the plan after you donate all this is to then buy more food and open it? The plan is she wants it. I didn't think about the next step of the plan.

The plan is that. It's open the peanut butter up. Got to go. The plan is she wants it. Are you going to buy food like one-time use now? She wants. Just eat one cracker. We're done with this box.

She wants everything to go in sealed containers. So now we're buying tons of containers? Well, we have some, but I don't know where the lids are. But anyway, it's a stupid plan. I told her this, but at some point you only fight for so much. And I decide, let's do some good. So I pack all the stuff up and go over there. And there's my man sitting right there outside.

Most people ignoring him, avoiding him. And I go, hey, I got something for you today. and I open up the car and I take out bag one and the guy's so appreciative and then I take out bag two and he's like oh my god take out bag three

now I take out the fourth bag of stuff and he could not be happier he was the happiest I've ever seen are you guys on a first name basis I don't know his name I just say hey man I don't say that and he was happy

I've seen him happy and then Bruiser who's sitting in the car with me because she wanted to go do the delivery with me says as we get back in the car she goes enjoy the cockroach food no way

she thought she was being funny huh I don't know what she thought and the guy looked like so sad again and then I felt like I had to explain to him you went back I didn't completely drive off yet

I was driving off and she just unrolled the window and said enjoy the cockroach food Oh, my goodness. That just seems like a bad prank. It's cold. And I said, listen, here's the... I said, I don't even know where to start here. We don't have a cockroach problem, but...

Well, you do. I'm clearing out some food, and I was going to throw it out. I thought maybe he'd want it. And I felt like, at this point now, I'm being a dick. What did he say? It's fine, don't worry about it, but is he, like, hanging his head? No, he seemed appreciative, because a lot of the stuff in there was sealed. Like, I did put stuff in there that was sealed.

Was he pecking at it like a pigeon? So anyway Don't eat too much rice It'll explode your stomach One, two, three Bad person Bad person Great, thanks

Just stop trying to help 3-2-3 said your leaf blower Could have cured this Cockroach problem No problem Now we got a solution Vanessa, good person? Like middle

Great Middle person Mid person Mid Thank you Alright, I'll take that as a win It's K-Rock Clan, I would say. It's not Allie.

She held one in yesterday for 50 minutes, she told us. I did, during my workout. Johnny walked in the studio and says it smells like fart in here, but Allie claims yesterday she had the ability to hold it in for 50 minutes. But Jake's been in the studio a ton today. Oh, maybe that's it, too, because it smells like fart, and it smells like feet a little bit. It's been a lot of in and outs today with Jake.

Jake thinks because it's his birthday, he can just walk in. He gave me a beer. He wants me to have a birthday beer with him. Yeah, dude, birthday beer. It's probably Klein's smelly food he brought in. What'd you bring in, Klein? What do you got? An old salad?

Leftover salad. It's not smelly. Jake, I'm going to crack this birthday beer. I'm not really in the mood for it now, but happy birthday, dude. Thanks, man. I don't want this, but happy birthday. That's a good koozie you got. It's Budweiser and a warm Uncle Koozie is the band he likes.

Those are the homies. That's his wiener schnitzel. I love that he handed that to you thinking you would enjoy any part of that. Thanks, Jake. This has been a lot of fun. Cool. Thanks, bro. See you at the DMV later.

Woo! Just ordered your pizza. Woo! Aren't you glad you have him as a friend? Yeah, show bros. The price of that pizza went up, by the way. It did? How much was it?

Inflation sucks. Jake, tell them thank you, man. It's like an $80 pizza. Thank you, dude. Jake's so unappreciative. I like it. I like it more than a lighter. Add extra meatballs.

This year, maybe add more ricotta. That would be nice if you can call back and add extra ricotta. Hey, Kat in Pacifica, good morning. You're on KROQ. Hi. Good morning. Happy birthday, Jake. Thank you.

Don't humor him. You want to come down and have a birthday beer? i would love to i'll crack a white claw right now with you no don't count has been beer jesus christ cute woman calling and laughing and wishing you happy birthday and he's still like turning her off uh we got one question for johnny it's a uh postmaster johnny in the studio now and here we go johnny doesn't know and i was like okay oh johnny doesn't know i didn't know Vegas was, like, in fatter for, like, a while. Johnny doesn't know.

Johnny doesn't know. Gelato sounds like Jell-O. Johnny doesn't know. It, like, goes... Wiggles. All right, Johnny. Yeah. Here's your question.

You don't need to know the answer, Kat. You just have to predict, will Johnny know the answer? What is F. Scott Fitzgerald known for creating? Will Johnny know this, yes or no? Oh, man. I want to have faith in my boy. I'm going to guess no because I really want a Sweet Divots hat. Okay.

Oh, yeah. Up for grabs. You get your pick of the limited edition. I think we're almost out of the Make Allie Fadigan hats. Those went real quick. Oh, we have a ton of those, actually. Oh, we do? Yeah, we have like a whole box of those.

How ironic. We're running out of Sweet Divots. We only have like two Sweet Divots left. Okay. Well, she wants a Sweet Divots hat. So, once again, if she gets it right, she wins. Johnny, the question is, what is F. Scott Fitzgerald known for creating? Will Johnny know this, yes or no?

She says no. Kat, is that your answer, no? I'm guessing no. I have a feeling he'll dance around it like Johnny does. I want to have faith in him, but I have to say no. All right, Johnny, here's the question. Think about this. F. Scott Fitzgerald, known for creating.

Not John F. Kennedy. That's a different F. All right, you've ruled out one. That's a different F. You're going to rule out all the Fs? Yes. All right, we're talking about F. Scott Fitzgerald. F. Scott Fitzgerald.

is an author, and he created The Great Gatsby. What? Kat, we have nothing for you. That sucks. Kat, you played yourself, but I'll send you a hat. You only get the Ally one, though. You only get the Ally one?

Sure. Ally is not fat. She will be. It's a work in progress. You're just looking at the origin story now. Just wait. Congratulations. You got the hat, but not the one you wanted. So the punishment for losing.

Takeaways next on KROQ. All right, let's get the hell out of here and do some takeaways. Sluggle will be in in moments. Got another shot for you to hop on that standby boarding list if you want to be a part of KROQ's Road Trip USA. Another chance to get on that list at noon. Then again at 3 and 6, so we can get you to shake your knees in Atlanta. 50 bands, including Jimmy World, who you'll be seeing at least right here locally

at the Hollywood Bowl, and then potentially again in Atlanta. Ernst Dials and many others. We got all those details up at KROQ, I'm sure. If you need us between now and tomorrow morning, you can use that GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT. Or you could jump in on the Instagram, Klein Alley Show. Also, I've just noticed, I was not looking at our Instagram. We've been accused of something on there by multiple people over the last 24 hours. What?

Accused of what? I'd like to address this now before it kind of escalates. But we have been accused of having class. No. And I just want you to know that we do not stand for that accusation in any way, shape, or form. I think this pertains to us having John DeSantis on with us yesterday after that entire on-air staff at KCAL from the Inland Empire was all unceremoniously just fired at the same time as the radio station overlords decided we don't need humans here. We'll just run this thing like a robotic jukebox and basically saying to all of the human connections that we try to make so hard on a daily basis, they mean nothing. And I thought that was the right thing to do, have him on and let him use our airwaves to say goodbye to his listeners.

But many people have accused us since then, Allie, of being a classy bunch. And I want you to know that I speak for Omar specifically when I say we are not that. That is true. Yeah. And here's proof of that. I'll be fine just kind of eating applesauce and crapping myself for a little while. That's class right there. I'm still employed, unfortunately.

So if you are a new listener and you are under the impression that we have any sort of level of decorum or class, hopefully you are not. There's a mess of applesauce and crap to prove otherwise. That's just a standard. Play another one at random. I'm sure this will once again prove that this show has very little class in any way, shape, or form. And I will stand up against any accusations made against us that say the contrary. All right. See you next year.

Maybe I'll have boobs by then. There you have it. Now that's class. That's class. All right. Takeaway from today's show. What do we got? Whoa, that's a giant dong.

Oh, nice. That is classy. Class just keeps on coming. We are oozing with class. Okay, let's see. 213, my takeaway is get ready for M. Night Shyamalan's next movie. What's that smell? 818, my takeaway is Klein doesn't have a pansy-ass garden bag.

That's right. I doubt he's got a sweet-ass leaf blower. That's currently been confiscated by me because it was too dusty in here for Allie and her pregnant sensibilities. Well, yeah, I don't want a bunch of dust mites crawling up my nose during the show. 310, Dolly Parton was right about Jolene. 818, we need more clam slams. 714 Minions and Monsters is a masterpiece. 208 My Takeaway is DMT.

I'm dynamite. That was a new song a la carte today, courtesy of Vanessa. 503 Don't Feed the Homeless Pigeons. 323 Leos are not awesome. And 818 My Takeaway is everyone wants Fat Alley, but not the hat. That's a good point. If you don't know what we're talking about, listen to more of the show. available to download wherever you get your podcasts

or you can check us out on YouTube. Streaming there live right now and then the episode will go up for you to watch after the fact. Go ahead and share it with some friends or people that don't know about us so we can hashtag grow the show. Take away Vanessa. Jake is dope and a dope. Jake is dope and a dope. Well said.

Johnny, you got a take away from today's show? Klein is a hobophobic. I'm not a hobophobic. Quite the opposite actually. I love the hobos. Spare change? Take the guy home with you, then. I'll shower him up.

Send him on his way. Give him a start on life, you know? I mean, now he... It's like, you know, pretty woman. The expectations you've given this guy now. He's gotten four bags of groceries. What are you going to bring him next? That's it.

I'm going to go to a different CVS from now on. I'm moving CVSs. You have a takeaway there, Jake? Birthday boy? Yeah, Klein can't handle much, but he can't handle .73 horsepower. well it says 650 whatever's on there so it sounds like a lot more than it is but it's points actually probably 0.65 it's not even one you say that leaf blower i bought it's not even one horsepower i guarantee it oh that's sad well another takeaway was that you suck at blowing

fine so i can't be homophobic if i suck at blowing ally your takeaway my takeaway is you can hang any picture with enough lighter fluid sure can omar takeaway my takeaway is that jake is rich with ants and crickets and smells like farting feet. The whole studio smells like that now. Happy birthday. Hey, that's my new

dating profile. We'll be at the DMV in Glendale. DMV. After the show today, if you want to go ahead and see Jake there, he's going to be

the one guy sitting there with a birthday hat on. So he'll be easy to spot. All right. Have a good day. We'll do it tomorrow. Try to do a better body. Clown and Allie

It's just okay Clown and Allie It's just okay Wow It's just okay Just okay Thank you ladies and gentlemen