Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Klein's Soccer Mishap, Johnny Doesn't Know and MORE

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you got to go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock.

You just mentioned football, Alley, and people are already craving some more football gayest highlights. Guys, please bring back the gayest highlights of the weekend. I'm watching the Seahawks versus the Titans. Guys are getting sucked up by the defense. They're penetrating really hard into the back line of the Titans. I really need the gayest highlights of the week thank you the fact that you watch that much preseason football

is already pretty gay sir but congratulations Allie I'm sure we'll be back at it again when football season is officially here it's a lot of hard work but it's worth it worth it glad you guys appreciate it good morning welcome to your KROQ we are Klein Allie show nice to meet you thanks for coming back for more we have access to our endless summer kegger

again this hour so be ready to call in and claim your chance to come hang with us I don't know if we're calling these tickets or passes but regardless you'll be with us Back bay, drinking out of a keg. Multiple kegs, I was told. Vanessa will do her first ever keg stand. Jake's going to smoke his first ever cigarette.

It's going to be a great time had by all. Well, he said he would only smoke it if secondhand Cindy gave it to him. And secondhand Cindy, I think you know a bat signal when you hear one. So she will be there. She's probably already there right now, carting on the ready. I'm Klein. There's Allie. That is DJ Omar Khan over there.

Jake the Nerd. What's up? Got Postmaster Johnny and Vanessa taking the calls in the back at 800-520-1067. Lots and lots to get into this hour. Over the weekend, Allie, I got to experience what I consider to be my new least favorite place in all of Southern California. Oh, you have so many. I know, but this is now tops on my list. Never been before.

Don't plan on ever going back. But for the millions and millions of people that go to the Irvine Spectrum on a regular basis, I understand they got a lot of stuff there. I am on the Irvine Spectrum. You are. We're on the Spectrum. We're on the Burbank Spectrum. We're on the other Spectrum. Jake's on all the Spectrums.

I've never even heard of it. That was the mall I grew up going when I went to high school. I don't know how you did it, Vanessa, because it's got a Ferris wheel. Let me tell you something. I heard, in addition to the fact that it's just an endless sea of people, nonstop, lines to go into every single store, even stores that don't, who cares about? Even Spencer's? A bunch of uppity stores.

No, no, no. You know, not uppity stores, Omar. Even regular stores, lines to get into, what's that store all the girls want to shop at? Brandy Melville. It's a regular ass store. So there's a line. There must be different stuff at that store then. If you like lines and not being able to park, that's a great place for you.

Lines and no parking. But here's the thing that blew my mind. It was Saturday night, yes, I got stuck in Orange County for a soccer tournament that my kid wasn't even playing in because she broke her wrist. So I just had to sit there and watch other kids play, which sucked. Which also, if you break your wrist, can't you just don't play soccer? Not according to... I mean, you got feet.

He said if she falls again, it's going to shatter it again or something. And you know why? They don't want her to hit another kid with her cast and hurt that kid. Oh, cool. So anyway, long and short of it is, I'm watching people go up to a restaurant and ask how long it is to eat at it. I'd like to get a table. I heard a number that is mind-blowing as to how long they said a wait was for a restaurant. And people still said, sure, yeah, take my name.

That's great. I'll wait. What do you think the number is? The longest I've ever heard in my life. And this was, I'll be honest, this was for Din Tai Fung with the soup dumplings. And who doesn't want a soup dumpling? Which is good, and usually there is quite a wait for that place. Sure, I've been there before, and they've said to me, 45 minutes, okay.

What do you think the number was that I heard being told people? And they said, sure, that's fine. What, two hours? No, two hours. Keep going. Four? Keep going. No way, five hours?

Saw them tell someone, we are currently estimating about four and a half hours is the wait. What time was this at? This was close to 5.30-ish. So it would be 10.30 almost by the time you're eating? So 9 something. I don't even know what time they're open until, but they said that that's the time they were telling people. About 4 and a half. And Klein, we're closed.

Your table is ready. Oh, I'm sorry. We stopped making dumplings half an hour ago. The longest I've waited for any food is four hours. But I was able to walk away and live my life, and then they text you. That's a different thing altogether. Yeah. But, oh, God, never again.

Never again. It's K-Rock. I want you all to come to the Endless Summer Kegger. All you have to do is figure out if someone that Jake was talking to, just like Heaven over the weekend, is drunk, high, sober, or dehydrated. The number to call and play is 800-520-1067. And we did have an opportunity a moment ago to meet Rachel, who was wearing her maxi dress. She was drunk. But now we're going to play with another person that he had the chance to chat with.

I think Rachel's dead giveaway was that she had had tacos. That's such a great drunk food. Yeah, but also high. Tacos are great high. Why would you... I guess tacos are great sober, too. I mean, all the food there was great high and drunk food. Yeah, so, I mean, if you're building a festival, that's probably what you're doing. I mean, that's the cornerstone of any good diet, I would think. Well, Jake, true or false, you ate none of that food, and I got Jack in the box after.

Oh, no, I got food there, too. Ah. Because we were drunk and high. You paid for it? No, my homie that I brought paid for it. And you were drunk and high. Me? Yeah. Yeah.

Did you ever do that drug, the new drug that you're supposed to do? No, I haven't. I want to try to do it on that long weekend we have. Yeah, by the way, we should point out that Jake has, you have to do a new drug. That was your funner summer. And Allie, you're getting close to your one-night stand. Yeah, and you know what? My wife is doing a last-minute trip up to the Bay Area this weekend.

So that, I think, is going to be my weekend of one-night stand-em. I think I'm going to try a few different robots. Because that's my only option, I think, is robot one-night stand because I've really tried. We had another conversation about it over the weekend, and it's just not going to happen. Well, what about the celebrity, she said? You could have sex with a celebrity. I haven't had the opportunity to meet a celebrity and have sex with them. What if we start DMing them on Cameo?

What if we start hitting them up on Cameo? Yeah, sure. Okay, great. I'm happy with celebrity, too. I mean, a real person would definitely be the most enjoyable thing. I don't really want to stoop to your level and do grok. Man or woman, you would take? You know what?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. If it's like the right one. Male celebrity that's interested in having sex with a pregnant lesbian. There you go. This could be the time. A-listers, call now.

This could be the time. An A-list is a very vague A-list. So I'm just saying, we could probably figure that out. I'm just saying, a list. Here's the next person we're going to play this game with right now, Allie. And we're going to find out if they are high, drunk, or both. Take a listen. What's your name?

Joshua Fishman. Joshua Fishman? Now, I think you can tell just on the way he answered that what he is. But he will answer some questions to make this easier for the contestant that we'll pick up in a moment. Describe what you're wearing right now. Just like a nice, wheezy button-down and some shorts. That guy's got permanent high voice, right? Like, you can tell he's definitely high.

Yeah, like his girlfriend's mad at him all the time. And he's like, what? What's the problem here? I'm just living my life. You're dating the fishman, man. Wheezy button-down and some shorts. It's hot out here. Yeah.

Who are you most excited to see? Well, we just saw LCD Sound System, so definitely them. And then the strokes. What's the biggest mistake you ever made? Wow, that is a tough one. I've done probably taking too much drugs when I'm trying to watch a band I like. So is that a dead... Maybe that's a giveaway to what we're about to learn,

or maybe he's going to bamboozle us all, and the answer switches. Dude, we've all been there, haven't we? I'm like, I can't wait to see this headliner. Then drinks all day long, then gets high, and then forgets. Johnny got too high to watch the strokes even. He had to go to the medical tent, Johnny said. He was way too high or something. Yeah, it was like too much, man.

Overdosed. Yeah, but you weren't high. Yeah, the sun got me. I was on a sun high. Oh, you were high on sun. You got high on vitamin D. Too much D in me, man. I was like, I need to step out.

I believe that is true. Pull all of that. Pull all that clip. Johnny, you overdosed on D at the show? I overdosed on D. I had way too much D in me. Johnny said he had a migraine headache and had to take a time out before the strokes. That happens on your first day.

I missed, like, all of Radiohead one time at Coachella because I had too many mushrooms. Yeah, that's a better story than Johnny's, for sure. So here's, we're talking about a guy by the name of Josh right now. We're going to find out in a moment if he's high, drunk, or both, I guess. That could be an option. What's the last thing you ate? Wow, I don't know. I guess I had some breakfast this morning.

I need to get another snack now. So, it's crazy. I haven't eaten in 12 hours. It wasn't until he was asked the question that he realized how hungry he truly is. Oh, man. Man, when you're that messed up, though, you don't realize how long it's been. And then someone mentions food, and you're like, oh, my God, I forgot about food. If you can give advice to your younger self, what would you say?

You know, focus more on making some money than having a good time. Oh. All right. Now we're going to get to the moment that matters. Is he high, drunk, or sober? i think we can cross off sober say hi to elliot in uh the san fernando valley where it is probably currently 115 degrees hi elliot what is your guess hey guys um i'm guessing my guy's pretty high okay you're gonna say pretty high if you're right you're coming to join us

at the endless summer kegger let's find out are you drunk high or sober um probably in between I'm pretty sober right now. Once again, he said sober, but I don't think anything about what he's saying sounds sober. I think he's sober compared to how high he's been in the past. Jake claims he was very high, though.

We don't even know what his drug of choice was, but I would imagine it's more than one. Congratulations, Elliot. You're going to join us at the Endless Summer Kegger. Hold on one second so we can get you to all the information you need. That's happening on September 3rd, and you've got to win your way in. That's California sober for you.

That guy is like barely in. In strokes! Quick break in a moment, more show after this, and more chances for you to join us at that endless summer kegger coming up. I think I hit a new low for myself over the weekend. Oh, that's saying something. Sorry, go ahead.

You think I've hit many lows? Yeah, I think you've hit plenty. This may have been my most public humiliation. uh embarrassing and yes it was short-lived and it happened briefly but i think of all of as it was happening i thought to myself this is probably as bad as it gets on an embarrassment level for like were people as a group laughing at you uh yeah a lot a lot of people laughing at me pointing and laughing and i thought to myself had i witnessed this and not been in the middle of it would i have been pointing and laughing oh i'm probably not pointing

but i don't think you've been filming would have loved to have filmed there may be footage of this Really? And you know, keep in mind, I'm the guy that fell in the hallway here. I'm the guy that walked into the bathroom door before. I'm the guy, there's been plenty of footage of me doing stupid things. Yeah, and then there are plenty of stupid things you've done that have not been captured on camera. Like the time you drove into your own garage to get pasta sauce. I backed into it.

I didn't drive into it. I backed into it. And let me just say, as everyone always argues, do I live in the right time in society and history? And Allie wishes she lived in the 1800s when everyone loved... Was doughy and fat. Right, fat, pasty women. And that was the Sidney Sweeney of the time. I wish I lived in a time before there was cameras everywhere capturing my stupid moments.

Because then I could have done them and they would have lived in people's minds forever. But then that would have been... Could have just been a story around a fire. I, as mentioned earlier, got stuck. Not stuck, because I do enjoy usually going to the OC for different things. In this particular case, the worst possible situation of a kid who's in a soccer league. the soccer league i was told when i signed up did not have any travel involved it was going to be well and your kid's not old enough for travel that's what i thought and right out of the gate

as soon as they uh give her the jersey they go we got a tournament in uh orange county and i said i thought whoa whoa i thought no travel and they said well that's still southern california i said i get it but that's travel for me i thought we're talking like a five mile radius i don't want to From L.A. to Orange County, it is. And you're right. You are stuck. And there are cool things there. But as soon as you're down in Orange County or vice versa, you're stuck there for the day.

You have to wait for traffic to die down to go back. So she's not in AYSO. No. She's in something else. What is it that you signed her up for? She was in, I don't even know the name of the thing. Well, you're a dumbass. Well, no, Omar, because I think it's the first time they're trying to do a girls league or something.

and so as a result My niece is in a travel ball or club they call it club ball and she travels all the time but you know that up front.

Well they didn't tell they said to me How can they not tell you? Because they said we were going to figure out I'm sure they did. This is just like the ice cream cake.

I'm sure it was clearly labeled. The ice cream cake was not labeled Allie. So lo and behold the good news for me is she breaks her wrist last week.

Great news. That was good news? Yes. Because the good news is, because I say, oh, well, I guess we don't have to go to this soccer tournament. Is this at the end of the season or beginning of the season? The season has just begun. This is the first tournament of the season. So is she out?

Like, she's out for the whole season? No, no. Because these kids are... The first tournament? The first tournament of the season. So what are you talking about? They kick it off with a tournament? That's right.

That's stupid. That's the first thing of the season was this tournament. You signed up for the wrong thing. I think this is a scam. Well, no, I saw a tournament happen. But as soon as she breaks her wrist, I say, good news, we don't have to go to this tournament. Which is great. I don't have to drive.

She doesn't have to play games. And you know the way these games work. The more they win, the more they keep playing. You're kind of rooting against your own kid, the whole thing. You're describing club ball, man. Well, maybe that's what I signed her up for. But I was not told that. I was told no travel.

And I was told... This is the essence of travel. I know. But I think some people, when you say travel, they think you mean like go to Arizona or go to Orlando. And I don't think I was clear enough to me what travel is. I don't want to travel out of a 10-mile radius. Yeah, five miles was my radius. And then the next thing I know, they're talking about you got to go to, where are the outlets?

Camarillo. What? Is your kid talented? She's very good. Oh, okay. She's shockingly very good at soccer. But good news is, broken wrist, great news, not going. Then all of a sudden the coach says,

we would like to invite her to come to be the spirit leader of the team or some BS position. It's not real. And she can come out and run out on the field. Or can't run because she could fall and break it worse. But she could walk slowly out on the field with the team and then basically sit on the sideline and cheer for the team. And I said, yeah, she's good.

She doesn't need to do that. my wife gets the same text from the coach and the wife, she tells her hey, you got invited to go out and be with the team. I go, why would you tell her this? Now, we have to go drive to Orange County to sit on the sideline of a game to watch our kid not play.

To not play. That sucks because then you have to watch all the kids that you don't care about play a game. Right. And it's long. Watch kids I don't care about play a game that I don't care about. And even watching good soccer is boring. In a tournament. I didn't even watch a lot of World Cup. Those are the best in the world.

But it's a good lesson for her to learn to support the team. No. Yes. Not in Orange County. It doesn't apply to you. Walk away. Support the team locally. Very locally.

The lesson here is don't drive to Orange County. So anyway, here we are now loading up the car, folding chairs. Loading up the car with what? Folding. Oh, I see. You have to bring your own chairs and the whole stupid wagon, all the crap. And you're sitting on the dead heat for no reason. And I say at least it's going to be warmer there than it is.

It's colder there than it is in the valley. Get there, same exact temperature, not any cooler at all. I set up my chair that I'm sitting in, and I'm on the sideline. Meanwhile, there's a tournament happening, which means there's 15 fields, and there's games happening on every field. And there's just a little sliver of grass between the fields where I've got to try to sit, you know, without a tiny little space for the parents to sit, or the fans. No fans, just parents.

There's a fan there without a kid. they're a pervert. Right, right. They should be on a watch list. I'm sitting in this chair. It's the first time I've ever put this thing together because it's one of those...

Yeah, I'm surprised you even had folding chairs. It's not a folding chair because those are not cool, apparently. It's like a... Like, I have a beach folding chair. This is one of those ones

that's got, like, rods. You got to pull out. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Or little cup holders. No cup holder. I didn't get the nice one. Apparently, there's ones

that are real nice. They have a little shade that goes up. Yeah, they're really nice. This thing was dinky, but it was real small and I set it up, boom, boom, boom, put all the little poles out, put it down,

sat on it, felt a little rickety but I was thinking to myself, this is just how the chair is. Meanwhile, there's games happening behind me, in front of me. I feel a fart coming on and I could tell it was going to be a loud one so I try to shift my body because you can shift it, guys know what I'm talking about,

where you can shift it where it can quiet, you can muffle the sound of it like a silencer on a gun. Do you see what I'm saying? Are we at the embarrassing part yet? We're getting there. So I go to shift my body and I shift myself in a way where apparently the one leg of the chair, which I didn't put in properly, completely collapses to now the whole chair tips backwards. I tip backwards onto the field of another game as the ball is coming my way, where the ref has to blow the whistle and stop the game that's happening behind me. Oh, my God.

And I now hear the sounds of a ref saying, man on the field, they stopped the game. The kids are looking at me. Now, the parents are now noticing what's happening. They're all laughing because I've fallen backwards. And that's when fart comes out. Oh, no. Not silent because now I couldn't muffle it anymore. So you fell and then farted?

Yes. Tipped backwards, stopped an entire soccer game, and then farted. Now, you're the real spirit leader. And then I had to slowly stand myself up. No help. Fumbling with your chair. Oh, what is your wife doing? She's pretending she doesn't know you.

She's laughing very loudly at me as well. Didn't stand up off of her chair to help, by the way. Just laughed and then told my daughter, who was sitting on the sideline, look at daddy, he just fell out of his chair. That's all I got. No help, no support. And then they had to stop the game. Sad man on the field.

Yeah, sad man. So just letting you know, I think that's a new... As I was propping myself up, I realized this is my new low. Chair permanently broken? No, it wasn't. No, I just didn't properly put, like, lock the leg. Okay, so that was a you problem. It was a me problem.

Can't blame the chair. I wish I could. Johnny doesn't know his nets. If you'd like to play and win, call now. All right, one question, one question only stands between you and access to the endless summer kegger entering the KROQ studios right now. There's a man who was at the Just Like Heaven Festival but had to take a break because he had a migraine headache. He said he had too much D that day, and it hurt his head. Yeah, he screwed me over big time.

So he's going to be in here now, and he is the co-winner of the dumb-off from last week. Did that change your life at all? Did you wear the sash around the show, or are you going to save that for the big end-of-summer kegger? I guess we're going to save it for the kegger. All right. Johnny is ready to go. One question. It's time for Johnny Doesn't Know.

Johnny doesn't know. And I was like, okay. Oh, Johnny doesn't know. I didn't know Vegas was in Nevada for a while. Johnny doesn't know. Johnny doesn't know. Gelato sounds like Jell-O. Johnny doesn't know.

It like goes, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Wiggles. Say good morning right now. If you have someone brave enough to call and compete, this is Peter listening in Studio City, California. Good morning, Peter, and welcome to KROQ. Hi. How you doing? Stud City.

Doing just fine. Stud City representing. What do you know about Stud City, Ali? Here we go. Nothing. Ali is not allowed in Stud City. I know nothing about it. Here's a question for Johnny.

Johnny, a lot of people are hiding under trees these days to try to get some shade from the sun. So we have a tree question for you, Johnny. Okay, yeah, trees. Will Johnny know what fruit grows on an oak tree? There's only one type of fruit that grows on an oak tree. Now, Johnny is a fruit, so will Johnny know this? Yes or no, Peter? No way.

All right, he says 0% chance. If you're right, you're coming with us to the endless summer kegger. Johnny, we're talking oak tree now. You're doppelganger. Oh, because it's big? Oak trees are big? Big and tall? Big and dumb.

Big, tall, and brown. Is that what you mean? That's right. Call me a churro, baby. That's what Ali said. Yeah. Oak tree, where do they have those at? Oh, they're not in L.A., are they?

There's tons of them in California, yeah. But not in L.A., though. No, there's plenty in L.A. Damn, where do they grow? Or which fruits do they have? Well, the fruits they grow on trees, apples for sure. Oh, man. Start from the beginning?

It's going to be alphabetical for all the things that grow on trees. Apples, bananas. On an oak tree? Oh, you're going to try to screw me and say nuts? Like peaches or something like that? Is peaches under the nuts category? Or do we move on? Yeah, because peaches got nut inside of them.

So I'm going to say, yeah, peaches grow on oak trees. Excuse me, you think peaches have a nut inside of them? There's something inside of peaches. Oh, a seed, yes. That's what it is, a seed. It's a pit, technically. Oh, a pit? You'd be right, but it started, yes.

Goddamn, what is it? Pit? Seed? It's definitely not a nut. There's something inside of a peach. Hand me one of them cashew peaches so I can get to the cashew. All right, Peter, you said Johnny wouldn't know. I think you're pretty strong about that. Johnny, you were in the right category when you started with A's.

Oh, apples. Acorns. Acorns. That's the one. Acorns. That's a nut though. That's not a fruit. Hold on, Peter.

I know. I was surprised you said fruit. I didn't consider that a nut. Well, according to the tree experts, the arborers, Ali. The arborers? Arborers. Arborers. Takeaways next.

We're on the Klein Alley Show. That'll do it for us. Don't worry. Sluggo's in here in just a few moments with another chance to hop on that brand new standby boarding list. If you'd like to go see Weezer in Boston and get an autographed guitar signed by the band. Although it doesn't say here signed by Weezer. It just says an autographed guitar. So it would suck if we're the ones signing it.

I think it's Weezer probably. Even if they ask us, we'll just sign it Weezer. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. So you got that to look forward to. Plus tickets to see Weezer right here. Crypto.com. And we will get you into that trip.

every single day this week, 9, noon, 3, and 6, including tomorrow morning, until we get to give that trip away. All right, takeaways from today's show. What do we got? Well, let's see. 818, my takeaway is Fat Al got skunked.

Oh, man, Fat Al. Worthy contestant. His mouth shit. Sadly, the guy got skunked right in the mouth. 650, my takeaway is being scared of murder might ruin your future. Mm-hmm. 3, 2, 3, pull!

Pull, doorbell, doorbell. That was a tribute, beautiful tribute today. 9-0-9, my takeaway is Klein is on the Irvine spectrum. I think that's Jake, who's on the Irvine spectrum and every other spectrum. 8-1-8, my takeaway is next show hang is at Ojos Locos. Oh, man. Let's get that on the calendar ASAP. 9-0-9, Klein double fists at Trader Joe's.

Double baskets, baby. 8-1-8, Pasadena is the Italy of America. Is the Italy of America. And 2-1-3, my takeaway is Johnny's full of the D. What's your takeaway from today's show, Vanessa? Restaurants, where you go to cheat. Restaurants where you go to cheat. That's a good takeaway.

Johnny, takeaway? How hot was it today? You don't get it? That's when Omar was stuttering when he was asking you a question. I did do a major stuttering. Yeah, you guys just totally glossed over it. Well, I have to find that. Thank you, Johnny.

I thought that was still the de-talking. Sorry, there's a bunch of semen coming out of Johnny's throat right there. Sorry about that. Jake, do you have a takeaway? Yeah, speaking of that, shout out Dr. Gape. Dr. Gape, shout out. Oh, you have a takeaway? Boring.

All right, we'll take that. Allie, takeaway? My takeaway is always the annular, never the annuled. That was a theme show today. Who knew, huh? Usually is. Usually the theme is annul. The theme is mediocre.

I'll do it again tomorrow, try to do it better. If you need us in the meantime, you can find us, I don't know, on Instagram or something. Sure. We're at Klein Allie Show. There's also a GOAT line there for you to use. If you'd like to leave messages, have at it. You can find us there as well. It is 844-956-GOAT.

All right, goodbye. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Do-do-do. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Wow. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Do-do-do-do. It's just okay.

Do-do-do. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.