Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Old People's Secrets, ADD News and MORE

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock. Hell yeah, let's get into it. A brand new hour of the show starts for you and yours right now on K-Rock.

We are Klein Alley Show. Nice to meet you. My name's Klein. There's Alley. Morning. That's DJ Omar Khan right there. He's the audio sniper. Then there's Jake the Nerd in the back. Recovering from his busy, busy mouth party date last night. And then you've got the producer, Vanessa, and Postmaster Johnny taking the calls. 800-520-1067. This hour, a couple of chances to win your way into this brand-new festival. If you've been paying attention to the show today, hopefully you've been taking notes

because we've got the quiz, the little Klein Alley Shoshin Festival, Shoshin Way Festival quiz happening later this morning. I'll get that right eventually, and then we'll never do it again. Let's say hi to Victoria right now. She is the 20th caller. Good morning, Victoria in Laguna Hills. hi good morning you are call it 20 which means you will be at the inaugural oceanway festival congratulations oh my god i have to go wake my boyfriend up

he's gonna freak out go wake him up let's hear this happen oh my god hold on hold on Babe What? I'm sleeping Put them on the phone Put them on the phone Why are you sleeping at 10am On a Tuesday

Because I'm a guitar player Ah perfect You're so cool Well, you'll be going to this festival, so you'll see some Who Needs a Job when you can see Jack White and Sublime and The Killers. Yeah, I do. That's why I do the whole thing. Your girlfriend got you the tickets.

Are you in a band right now or an aspiring band? Yeah, I'm in a band called The Wrecks. Oh, cool. We've done stuff with you before, haven't we? Yeah, we've done some stuff in the past. We did Locals Only a while back. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, okay.

I remember. Well, hi. Well, congratulations. You won your way into this festival for courtesy of your girlfriend. I bet your girlfriend's hot, huh? She's got to be. She's a guitar player, boyfriend, right, Alec? Oh, of course.

Yeah, of course. Man. How late would you have slept today had she not woken you up with this good news? I was going to wake up right now anyway, I think, you know? Anyway, I think. Okay. Well, congratulations. That's a lie.

I believe it. Enjoy. Your girlfriend's good. So do something nice for her today. And Victoria, congratulations on winning the tickets. Thank you so much. All right. Enjoy.

Don't be one of those guys in a band that goes and cheats on your girlfriend when you're on the road. Remember the fact she won you these tickets. Absolutely. Congratulations. Be loyal to those women. You'll have another chance later this hour and then every hour starting now for the remainder of the day here on KROQ. It's all part of our funner summer guarantee. Sweet divots.

I'm calling because I want to give some feedback on what's supposed to be a fun summer that you guys are doing. But really, when I hear all these stories, it just makes me sad. Like, first of all, you know it's bad when Jake is the one that actually does things that are the most fun. The thing is, only he finds them fun and everyone else finds them to be weird. But he does do things that are fun for himself. Secondly, Vanessa didn't get drunk at a water park. She had two hymns. She drove home.

If you're able to drive, that means you're not drunk. Well, let me just say, there was a big time between the fact when she finished her second high noon and when she drove home. Vanessa's so little that two high noons is the equivalent of a regular person having about 15 high noons. I was there. She was definitely under the influence. So Vanessa was incredibly drunk, and then she had to sober up in that lazy river for a few hours before she could drive anywhere. That's a fail. And then leave it up to Klein to make everything sound so sad.

Pulling an all-nighter in Vegas sounded miserable for him. Having sex three times in one day, you didn't even seem excited about that. I don't know. Funner summer. For me, listening to you guys, it just makes me sad. Right. That was our goal. So another big success on this show.

We've done it again, guys. We're trying, damn it. We've got lots to get through this hour on KROQ. We are Klein Alley Show. If you need us phones, text line 800-520-1067 when we're not around, which is some of the hours of the day. You can use that GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT. So, Allie, do you believe the first GOAT message will be a compliment or an insult?

Come on, compliment. All right, show me compliments. I just want to say I'm so happy the World Cup is over. Not because I hate soccer. I love soccer. It's my favorite sport. I'm happy it's over because then you guys can stop talking about it because you guys don't know what the hell you're talking about.

So, love the show, but when you guys talk about soccer, it drives me crazy. So, keep up the good work and we talk about soccer. Well, we've decided that we're going to talk about it every day until the next World Cup. We're going to go real niche with it. Next four years, we're going to cover every player at every possible level until we finally figure out what the hell is going on. Yes, we're slow to pick up how it works, and I still don't really know what happened, but regardless, we're done talking.

They have stupid rules. I mean, come on. Well, that's right. I don't think it's us. Yeah, listen, apparently, I don't know why none of them just— Did you hear that, soccer? None of them picked up the ball with their hands and threw it in the net. I don't know why they didn't think about that. Would have made those games a lot quicker.

Thank you. Thank you. But they weren't doing it. Yeah, go, Klein. So, goal me. Goal! Yell that out. You got to take a break with your news, and then we'll come back to a show that will not have any soccer talk after this.

Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. Let's talk about soccer. Yeah! Let's do it. The numbers are in. They did all the math, and they determined that the World Cup made FIFA a ton of money. And it is now the most profitable sporting event in history.

The 2026 FIFA World Cup made a total of $15 billion over the course of the 96 matches. And that's not even, that's FIFA making money. That's not even all the cities and the country itself, how much money that was generated just by the people all traveling here to attend the matches. Well, FIFA is a very corrupt organization, so I'm sure most of that money was done through bribery, etc. I mean, that off-the-book money is probably triple that number you just gave. Absolutely. So is FIFA, are they just promoters? Because they don't have players or teams.

Like, what do they do? Just organize the event? Yeah, they're like the NFL. They're the one putting everything together. Huh. Man, I got to get into that racket. Yeah, I know. It's the greatest racket, especially because those guys.

They're like, you guys play together on this date at this stadium. Boom. This is our own FIFA. And there's so many other stories of FIFA representatives that were taking sweet bribes to basically get, you know, because every country wanted to have the action there. So they could so they would all of a sudden some FIFA representatives getting wined and dined all over Greece or something so that they can throw them a game. And then they go, hey, you know, maybe there's a little something in this duffel bag. We can make that happen.

Let's make FUPA. A lot of that stuff's happening. Yeah. Well, they also say that even though people complained about FIFA and complained about the gouging, people still spent money on the games. So it doesn't. And that's what's frustrating is that, yes, it is a corrupt organization and everyone knows it and everyone complains about it. But still, people spent $30,000 on attending FIFA World Cup games this year. So even though we love to complain, it doesn't matter.

We'll still spend the money. So because we still spend the money, they're not going to change anything. It made $2 billion more than anticipated, and over 11 billion people watched the matches. And that's legally. I also mentioned yesterday that a lot of people were watching illegally. So there was probably another 500 million people that were watching it through back alleyways. If you do the math on that, just some basic math, you said $15 billion. It works out to about they made a billion dollars per goal that was scored during the entire event.

It's really crazy if you think about it. That's really insane. So I know everyone is getting excited about school potentially coming back relatively soon. A lot of people, a lot of parents are counting down the days. I believe some of those first back-to-school emails are just now going out. And just so you know, this year is going to be the most AIE year ever for the faculty. According to a study, educators are now using AI tools either occasionally or regularly, like ChatGPT, for everyday tasks, lesson planning, writing, student support, emails,

all that daily stuff that takes a lot of time. AI is helping the teachers, and now the students are using it too. And the students, if they're being told not to use AI, are like, well, why would I stop? My teacher's the one using it, too. And it's even going farther than that because one school is now putting in a robot to the classroom. A rural upstate New York school. They're bringing humanoid robot teachers into the classroom. Check out Sally here.

It has silicone skin, long brown hair, facial expressions. You can see some upper body movements. I think she's teaching the kids to count on her fingers. I don't know. In what class is she teaching? School officials say the robots aren't meant to replace teachers. Instead, they serve as classroom assistants. But imagine if you're in first grade.

So many teachers are sleeping with their students these days. You've got to get robots in to help out with that, right, Allie? I mean, let's be honest. It's hard for all the teachers. Are you saying the students would sleep with the robot teachers or the teachers would sleep with the robots? I think that the robot teachers would have to sleep with the students. I mean, why do they have to make Sally so attractive? If you've seen the video, she's...

But also, like, Sally looks like a reject from those new sex robots. You know how those new sex robots are unbelievably attractive? This one looks like one of those rejects. These are the robot jobs that the robots don't want. Exactly. This one's not going to make a lot of money as a sex robot. You're not a billionaire sex bot. You're going to be a Sally, the first grade teacher.

She can teach biology. A lot of people still work from home, even if it's just part of the week. But why work from home when you can leave your home, sit in traffic, and then sit around with a bunch of other remote workers at a remote work mixer? These things are real and they're happening right here in L.A. I have a call in a couple minutes. It's with my internal team and I'm about to be like, look at this. And I think they're really going to support it. We're hosting L.A.'s first remote work meetup. We're down at Venice Beach.

Dozens of people are putting the remote in remote work today here at Venice Beach. I went and surfed breakwater this morning, got out of the water at 830, grabbed my laptop and here I am. So you can imagine, yes, it's nice to get out of the house, but the benefit of remote work is that you don't need to drive to places like Venice that have no parking and a ton of traffic and then sit around with a bunch of other people who are staring at their laptops. But they swear this is so exciting and everyone wants to do it. And there's other ones planned for San Diego, other parts of the country, so people can travel to be together and stare at laptops in beautiful locations. This is no different than what they were doing with WeWorks. They were creating these shared workspaces so people could have all the feels of being around coworkers, even though they were doing their own weird, you know, job on their laptop all day.

Yeah, I've been to one of those places, by the way, and it's more like a we pretend to work. Right. It's a lot of people sitting around. It's like, cool, I've got a really cool pot and a table and a, you know, and there's a cool coffee bar. It makes me feel like I'm working when I'm really not. Loud typing and networking and everyone's like looking for something. Like, do you have a job? No, you don't have one either?

Okay, I don't have one either. And everyone's looking for a distraction because they just want to be seen at a workplace. Well, trust me, we're in this workplace every day. It ain't too great. So you're more than happy to... I mean, I'd rather be at the beach, sure, but... Wouldn't you rather be in a room by yourself? I thought that was the benefit, is you can be in your pajamas in your living room.

I know, but everyone thinks the other thing's better. They do this for a while, and they want to be by themselves. People that are by themselves, they crave human contact. It's sort of like there's a middle ground somewhere. Yeah, it's going to be that sex teacher robot. That's the middle ground. If you're just waiting around for your chance to win some tickets to this festival that was just announced in Santa Monica, we will get you into the sand, onto the sand, and into the ocean for Ocean Way Festival

with the Klein Alley Shoshin Way Quiz, which will be coming up in about, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes if you've been paying attention to today's show. Hopefully, you will be able to answer some very easy questions about things that took place over the last four hours together. and perhaps maybe one of those answers will be coming up right now with this Old People's Secret. From chicken brain to drinking rain Not getting laid, they call me the barmaid They call me the barmaid

That's right, let's live forever with Sweet Dibbets Sweet Dibbets Time for some Old People's Secrets Listen closely, you want to live forever This is what you got to do. The old people set us up for early death, or perhaps they're giving us the secret we need so we can also live to be 110 years old.

Oh, my God, I feel young. She sounds it, and she's going to share with us her secret so that you can also live as long as this woman. With the nation now reaching 250 years of age, we want to introduce you to a woman who's been around for 104 of them. CBS's Nikki Zazza spoke with a centurion who says healthy aging is about more.

It's like a spell they just put on this woman. Zaza! I think he's a Zaza! I think that was the language back then. 104 of them. CBS's Nikki Zaza

spoke with a centurion who said... She's a frog now, the woman. I don't know how that happened. I turned you into a prince now and Nikki's a Zaza. Say it again, three times. Get her back.

There's no way that's correct. He's probably just as bad at pronouncing names as you are. You think he's a name butcher? 104 of them. CBS's Nikki Zaza And he says healthy aging is about more than just diet and exercise. Spend five minutes with Doris Hill and you quickly realize she may be 104 years old, but her spirit never got the message.

Oh, my God, I feel young. I tell everybody, forget that 100. I feel like a four-year-old child. Well, I mean, you're probably eating the same diet. I mean, it's the applesauce era, right? You go back to it. You're off solids. Right.

Completely at that point. Everything's a choking hazard. It's the same thing as... No more marbles for you. There's a bunch of stuff that you enjoy up until four, and then again once you hit 104. Legos. It's all that...

It's back to the sippy, the applesauce, or the go-go-go-gerts and all that other crap, right? That childlike joy shows up in the way she talks, the way she smiles, even the way she eats. Because Doris doesn't believe life should feel over... She doesn't eat. She sips. Yeah, she's gumming everything.

That's a lot of... Because Doris doesn't believe life should feel overly restricted. We caught up with Dr. George Hanawi, a geriatrician at MedStar Health, and he says one of the biggest misconceptions about aging. What do you think it is? One of the biggest misconceptions about aging. What do you think is the biggest? I think it's everything we just said.

Everything we've just said up until this point? You're just sitting around eating applesauce. And pooping your pants. Yeah, pooping your pants. They don't just sit around eating applesauce and poop themselves. That's a misconception. This is what the doctor said. is assuming every older adult has the same experience or the same needs.

Okay, well, that's not our assumption. Are you pooping? That's kind of what I'm saying. Are you pooping your pants and eating applesauce? They're all pooping. Our assumption is that they're all doing exactly that. And he says that's just not the case. Every older person is different than the other person.

Some people eat mango flavor. Healthy aging is about more than just medicine and genetics. Purpose. Connection. So this is good to know because a lot of times you think, oh, well, my grandma lived until she was 100, and her grandmom lived. So it's just, I got good genes.

And then other people go, I'm cooked. Like my dad's dad died when he was five and his dad died when his dad was 35. Oh, wow. So the men on your side don't live long. Early, early. And I think his dad's dad died when he was like 29. What did they die of?

Do you know? Boredom, mostly from the family stories. No, I mean, it was, I think heart something, diabetes maybe, smoking stuff. But I just, you know, I've already far exceeded. But the things that you can control, maybe. Some things you can control better now. But also, if you go by that rationale, and I always hear these people that go, oh, I'm fine.

My mom, you know, my grandma lived. And I was like, yikes. I don't have any good grandparents. Yeah, I've got a mixed bag. On my mom's side, not good. Dad's side, good. So I don't know which one I got. Yeah, you don't know, right?

So anyway, this guy says, oh, it's more than just that. You don't have to worry about all the crap that we believe we were told because there's more to it than that. Mental engagement and joy can all play a role in... Oh, no. Oh, damn it. Damn it. I wish it was the genetics one. Why do we suck at both of those things?

I was going, oh, we have at least a chance. It's not genetics. Oh, it's joy? Oh, no. Mental engagement and joy can all play a role in longevity. All right, we're cooked. We are cooked, guys. That's okay.

You know, I'll be fine just kind of eating applesauce and crapping myself for a little while. And then I'll be ready to go, I think. I mean, how long can you do that for before that gets boring? Unless you have dementia and every day's new. Right, you've got to hope for that, I guess. Because then you're like, did I have, I'm at applesauce today, what did I have yesterday? Oh, you had prime rib. Okay, good, I'll have the applesauce today.

Just tell me I had prime rib yesterday, every day. How many friends I had, how many people loved me, and it was not my age. Then I became happy. Why is she whispering? I don't know. Let me tell you a secret. Doris loves working on puzzles to keep her mind sharp, and she says she has no life regrets. Okay, now she's about to share with us her secret.

No life regrets. So you've got a lot of stuff there to deal with. That's Doris, once again, great old lady name. Yeah. Puzzles and this and that, but she's about to share with us her secret. Now, if you want to live forever like Doris, it's not about your relatives, not about your genes, not about pretty much anything that you thought, but what do you believe her secret is, which she'll share with us in a moment.

Allie, we'll start with you. Okay. Okay, I'm going to say that she plays, I think, beyond puzzles, she plays, like, crosswords. It's going to be another game, like any kind of specific game that she plays every day. Can't die until I figure out 36 now. Yes, or Sudoku or something. Okay, fair enough. Jake the Nerd, what's your secret?

Hanging with my friends. Okay. Omar, what do you think her secret is? Yeah, I think she's obsessed with keeping her mind busy, and I think she's going to say something to the fact of you always keep learning. Learn something new every day or every month or whatever.

And if you have that dementia, you can learn the same thing every day. I know, it's new. Vanessa, what is her secret? A puzzle a day keeps dementia away. Keeps dementia away? Dementia away. Who's dementia?

A puzzle a day keeps dementia away. Dementia? Dementia. It's a mensch. Get away, mensch. I'm cybers. Let's find out what she said. I eat whatever I want.

I have no rules. Oh, no rules. Eats whatever she wants. Just happens to be applesauce. Keeps the mensch away. Keeps the mensch away. All right, in moments, we will ask you to give us a call only if you've been paying attention to today's show.

That's right. make it difficult for you, but the prize is worth it. Sorry I made you think. Be ready to call and claim your tickets to a festival. Alright, you listened to the show. Thank you for doing that. Greatly appreciate it. Let's go ahead and prove that you were actually paying attention to what we did over the last

four hours plus here at KROQ and give you a chance to win your way into an amazing festival. More tickets for you tomorrow morning if you don't win them now, all day long. Here we go. The Klein Alley Show Quiz. That's funny. Tee-tee, caca. I don't have leaves, I have ants. Miss Greger likes Walmart.

You never call. Ozzy! I'm with you, Hitler. Bitch, bye, Carl. Voila! Those are all sound effects from different shows, not necessarily today's show, but it's time. By the way, gotta get Jake back to the pawn shop.

I miss Koala. And Mama. Voila! And all of them. There's a lot of people on the phone that claim they've been paying attention because they want these tickets. And I don't blame you. So let's officially get into it now.

Here's the way it works. If you're on hold, stay there because we may need you. The first person to get three in a row right will win. A lot of people can get two. Three is hard. And if they trip up, get the question wrong, they, oh, I was listening, but I don't remember. We move on to the next caller, and they get a chance to start all over again. Could be over quickly.

Could take a long time. Sometimes it goes on way too long, as we've been told in many a show meetings. We say hi to Valerie. We have one today. Oh, we do? Yes. Jesus. Hey, Valerie, good morning.

Good morning. When did you start listening to Klein Alley's show this morning? yes since 6 30 a.m 6 30 good god sorry we can't give you that time back did you take notes at all or just a memory yes i did i have them in front of me can you read something from your note just pick a random note and read it to us um yeah i the first note that i have is the dumbest thing to ask that i say you please oh good it's so funny you say that because i actually have questions here and that may be one of the first questions coming your way so hopefully you're paying attention we go to question number one right now jake went on a date last night a bumble date

he asked the woman he was on the date with to rate his outfit on a scale of one to ten what score did the date give jake on his outfit one all right a one easy question now that listen if you were guessing yeah even if you're guessing that'd probably be right let's find out if you're right how would you rank my outfit oh seriously seriously on a first date yeah a one that is a correct answer you have gotten one right and that means you are two away from winning your tickets so congratulations valerie we go to question number two right now ali claims uh earlier today on the show that she got herpes from a man not a question that was just a statement thank you she also claimed that she had her first kiss why did you mention that i just wanted a

question. I just wanted to bring it up, Teddy, when it wasn't listening to that part. I didn't confirm that, by the way. This is a preface to every show with this. Yeah, just want to mention that as often as possible. Great. Allie mentioned that when Seth Green was in here, that she had her first kiss ever during one of his movies. What movie of his did she have her first

kiss during? Can't Hardly Wait. Allie, was your first kiss, not to be related, not to be confused with the time you got herpes from a guy? That was a different movie. Was that another Seth Green movie i only get herpes and first base experiences from seth green movies it was can't hardly wait

can't hardly wait you got that right congratulations you've gotten two right now if you get this third one right you're going to the festival if not we move on to someone else and i know that you're probably going to regret spending all this time listening to the show if you don't win so i hope you win and this is the next question that we actually have queued up and ready to go Postmaster Johnny ordered what strange topping while attempting to get an acai bowl? Which strange topping did he request? The cheese? The shaved cheese?

Shaved cheese. Let's find out if you're right. A moron asked if the coconut shavings were cheese. Who puts cheese on acai bowls? You have been paying attention to today's show. Congratulations. That's it. Three and done. Valerie, you're going. Sweet. Thank you so much.

Thank you. And now you can take all those notes and throw them in the trash. You don't need them ever again. Burn them so you can get your day back and we will get you into this festival. Who are you excited about? The Killers, Jack White, Sublime or more? The Killers. Yeah, it's going to be a great time

in Santa Monica. Tickets every hour all day long. We'll do them again tomorrow and all you got to do is wake up. Valerie's good. That was a good example for those of you that are not listening or didn't start listening early. Very easy. She committed to it. She said, today's the day I'm going to take notes, listen to the goddamn show, everything they say, good, bad, or otherwise. And she did it, and now she's going.

So tomorrow morning, hopefully, that will be you. And congratulations to Valerie. Enjoy those tickets. All right, takeaways from today's show. And then we can officially get the hell out of here and turn things over to Sluggo. That will be happening in just moments with more of those tickets for the festival that Valerie just won on KROQ. Here we go. Takeaways.

All right, of course, 925 has one of the most common takeaways after Old People's Secrets. A puzzle a day keeps the menscha away. That's a good take on it. 652, if you're short, dunk on that bitch. Yep. Dunk on that bitch all day. Did you hear the conversation that happened after Seth Green was, basically, Jake came in and did the thing he always does where he says, hold my dog for a picture. But it was a fascinating conversation between them.

And Seth Green gave Jake a whole tutorial on how to date as a short guy. Yeah, he said, you know what? If they have any kind of a problem with your height, get rid of them. He said his wife is tall and she wears heels and she never had a problem. And he was like, I've had people that were insecure about it. And it's just you don't have to waste your time with it because there are plenty of people who don't care. Yeah, he's also very successful. He said, you know, there's stepstools everywhere.

He has like comeback lines for anybody who makes comments about him being short. 714, my takeaway is manual transmission drivers have to text with their knees or something. That's a good takeaway. 949, my takeaway is RIP booby cams in sports. Booby cam, booby cam, booby cam. 818, Jake goes alley and Vanessa mouth party. That's not happening. 213, rattlesnakes.

Is that the meeting we have after the show today? You have mouth parties with Jake? 213, rattlesnakes are being dicks this year. They sure are. 213, some dude named Ryan Moreland is a terrible kisser. And 562, Klein's wife hogs all the bacon. All the bacon. It's just not okay.

Not fair. I'm not even talking about Canadian bacon. She could have that trash. I'm talking about real, good old-fashioned American bacon. No one's hogging that. No one is. All right, what's your takeaway from today's show, Jake the Nerd? Come to the Ren Faire.

Huzzah-zah. Huzzah-zah. There's a zaza on you. What is your takeaway there, Vanessa? Jason Report was busy this morning. Yeah, busy. High-speed chase. Jason Report covering that whole thing.

Johnny, takeaway? Jake's got gay shorts. He sure does. He's got the gayest of the shorts, according to his date. Omar, you got a takeaway? If you're old, you're pooping your pants. All old people are pooping their pants. It's all that applesauce.

It works its way right through you. It's probably a great joy. Finally, I can just go back to pooping my pants. Allie, you have a takeaway from today's show? My takeaway is Seth Green is the ka-ching guy. He's the ka-ching guy, but only in the flyover states, apparently. Have a great day. Do it tomorrow.

Try to do it better. If you need us in the meantime, there's a GOAT line for you. 844-956-GOAT. Comments, critiques, criticisms, complaints. You can also find us on YouTube, where today's episode will be going up for you to enjoy with your viewing pleasures. And then we'll do it again tomorrow. I'll give away some more tickets and get you into Universal and everything else. All right, have a great day. Bye.

Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Just okay. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.