Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Old People's Secrets, Jake's Hobag and MORE

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock. Oh yeah, welcome to your K-Rock just after 10 o'clock. If you need us, phones, text line

800-520-1067. This hour tickets, Endless Summer Kegger gets you in to hang out with us, also known as the Clamslam and we'll tell you how to score those tickets at some point later this hour. Also, it'll help you live forever. That's right, Old People's Secrets. We have a brand new old person, they've got a brand new secret, and they will help you to live even longer if you want to stick around. A lot of ways to not live. Of course, you

can eat unhealthy or drive drunk. There's a million things you can do if you don't want to live. But if you want to live forever, beat the system. Old People's Secrets, keeping people alive another year, another couple of years. Yeah, I believe this lady is turning 104 and her name is Daisy.

Daisy. Yeah. So she's got a secret. This is Daisy, and in a moment We're going to go ahead and figure out what it is. Oh, and they had more respect for people. Oh, boy. And they had to do what you would tell. I'll tell you what her secret is not.

It's lozenges. Is she the little lady from The Exorcist? That's it. That's the one. We pulled her outside of Alley earlier today. We trapped her down. So that woman's got a secret. And believe it or not, she is still alive.

I know it's hard to tell by that voice. But she is, and she's going to help us all live forever. So we'll get to that in just a moment. and then, of course, those tickets so we can all drink together as we say goodbye summer. And, yes, you don't have to drink to come to a kegger. You can come for the clam slam part of it, and there will be food, there will be games, and a bunch of things we can't talk about on the radio. But trust me when I say behind-the-scenes planning is already very much underway,

and we hope to see you on September 3rd. Your ticket's coming up later this hour on KROQ. Let's help you live forever with a brand-new, never-before-heard old people's secret here on KROQ so you, too, can say, hey, I remember the secret. Now I've got to start doing this immediately, and I'll see you on the other side. From chicken brain to drinking rain, not getting laid, they call me the barmaid. They call me the barmaid. That's right.

Let's live forever with a sweet rivet. Time for some old people secrets. Secrets. All right, here we go, Allie. This is a brand new old person. It is her birthday, and she's going to share with us her secret, but good luck trying to figure this out. A lot of these old people, you must speak in code if you want to learn the way they

speak, or they're attempting to sabotage us by giving us bad intel, so we die off young and they get the glory. She was born in a different time, during the Great Depression. Like everybody else that's old. They love to start on a downer before they go to the happy. Yeah, because you got through something. Right. And then they go, oh, I just kept on living.

So this is her. She's 104. We're going to figure out what her secret is in a moment, but this is just her talking about what it was like to live in, I think, the Great Depression, but really I don't know what she's talking about. And Daisy McPaul has lived by that principle for more than a century. You don't even know what it is, buddy. I wish we all knew what that principle was.

And that. Back to you, Tom. What is that principle? I'd like to hear it again, because if she's lived by it for a century, it must be significant. I think she's... When you have no respect for people. When you have no respect for people. Then you have to do what you are told.

Then you have to do and get you down. I heard Mountain Dew or something. You gotta do the dew. And Daisy McPaul has lived by that principle for more than a century. Okay, so now you know how to live for a long time. You share your principle and everyone goes, all right. I mean, good luck, right? I mean, it's...

At the age of 19, she enlisted in the army, serving with the sappers in Brisbane and having the time of her life. In the army, you were never lonely. And she never knew who she'd wind up sharing a Jeep with. I hopped in the front and there was General MacArthur. None of us apparently know that now. This is who she shared a Jeep with in the Army?

And he said, pinching me, sitting with Douglas MacArthur. And he started pinching me. Is that what she said? And we told the Americans we're marvelous. After the war, she lived abroad. Yeah. She said, and we thought the Americans were wonderful. No.

She said, marvelous. That's right. That is what she said. That part I got. We're learning about the old lady, but in a moment we're going to figure out what her secret is so we also can live forever. After the war, she lived abroad before returning home

and raising a family of five out west, bringing a 22 with her to deal with any snakes that crossed the path. What? And that was a pretty good shot. I bet you this is going to be one of these women that sucks the snake venom. Cool. That's going to be her move right there. She lives forever because she just sucks the venom.

These Australians are badass. Why are they just talking about a snake? And this is not Australia. Oh, it's not? I thought it was. I thought she was talking about Brisbane. I swear I heard it at one point. But I'm just guessing at this point.

I have no idea. Her hearing's a bit shot these days, but Daisy still knows how to enjoy a party. You know, she needs olive oil. Gotta put some olive oil in them ears. Open them right up. You know, you need TikTok. That's going to help you clear that right up. Surrounded by her adoring family and friends, celebrating her 104th birthday,

Daisy has a few ideas about the secret to long life. All right, let's go ahead, guys. 104, she knows a thing or two. She's been around for over a century. Never have we ever heard the same old people's secret twice. So the old people are not on the same page here. But this woman is 104. She's got something to do with snakes, something to do with the army,

something to do with the Depression. So what is her secret based on everything we know about this woman, Daisy? Keep a gun under your bed. Gun under the bed. Australia, everything's trying to kill you, so it's good to answer, even though we're not sure she's Australian. Omar, secret? She's going to say something along the lines of, whenever you're in America and you visit

In-N-Out, make sure you order your cheeseburger with cold cheese. That's great. That's what I do. Cold cheese, baby. And I'm going to live forever, because I'm getting more cheese. Cold cheese. You end up getting more. It's thicker.

It's thicker, and it feels like, because it's melting in real time. That's what it's all about. No, I don't think you do, because you're all mocking me for it. Well, what is your answer there, Jake? A backyard kegger. Backyard kegger. You know what? I could see this woman saying drinking, too.

Well, somebody said they think that the name is Daisy McPole. Daisy McPole is her name? Yeah, it sounds like a stripper name. Vanessa, what's this lady's secret? Shooting. Shooting? Yes. Shooting what?

Shooting range. Shooting range. All right, here's what she told us is her secret. If you want to live forever, at least until 104, this is what you must do starting immediately. Be good to the Lord. Be good to your parents. And always tell the truth. We are so wishing she'll die.

I heard boobs in there. Be good to your parents and tell the truth. I heard that too. I heard the tell the truth part, but the other part was all gibberish, right? To the loo, be good to your parents, and always tell the truth. Be good to your loo? Be good to your load. Oh, be good to your load.

Be good to your parents, and tell the truth. All right. Be good. So amazed that she's still with us. All right. We still have to visit her. I don't know why. Thank you.

Thank you, old people, for sharing your secrets with us every week on the show. we take a super quick break when we get back, believe it or not we have your tickets, that's right Endless Summer Kegger, after this quick break we'll tell you exactly what to do if you want to join us after this K-Rock, Kline Alley Show 10-24, something like that

on a Tuesday morning, we will get into more tickets for you to join us, the Endless Summer Kegger, details about that all up on our Instagram now, Kline Alley Show, I'm sure there's somewhere on K-Rock's site as well earlier this morning got to announce this cool concert that K-Rock is helping In-N-Out put on, it's a fundraiser, it's the Offspring

is going to be there details that is up there as well tickets go on sale friday but of course we love hooking you up with tickets before you can get them and we don't do a lot of requests on the show unless we're in the middle of the banger boss in which case we play only the bangers you must hear but every once in a while there is a request for the audio sniper that's just for omar can i get um some audio lined up i'm gonna be eggless and then uh vanessa going I'm going to be eggless. Eggs! There you go.

Problem followed by solution. Eggless followed by eggful. Two of our greatest drops ever, both involving the word eggs. We're building our egg Rolodex. Jake wants everyone to know that he spent the night at a lady's house last night, which may not seem like a big deal, but for Jake it is, because he was on one of the longest droughts in the history of droughts. So long they were going to replace his penis with turf.

That's how long the drought was. Yeah. The government said, we must put turf down here. They said, you won't regret this. We promise. This now needs to be a drought-friendly yard. We've got a loan to put it in. No maintenance.

Jake has now turned things around. Once again, the credit belongs to Allie and Vanessa, who completely reimagined and refreshed your dating profile. And obviously, the proof is in the pudding. And sadly, the pudding has been placed upon ladies all over Southern California because Jake has had a very busy dating calendar now. And I would like to point out that the date that he had, that he's now seeing this girl, right, consistently. This is the one date that he traveled for and didn't go to the same bar he always goes to. And this is the one where he wore closed-toed shoes and pants. Right, didn't do the stuff he always does, which is, I'm me and they'll change for me, I'm not going to change for them.

And these were pieces of advice that we gave him, not to sabotage him, but to help him, and now look. And not only that, but before we get into everything, he apparently used one of the tips from yesterday's show during clickbait to actually make her more interested in him. If you remember yesterday during clickbait, we talked about how you're more attractive when you don't appear so available. So even if your planning is to meet them on Friday and they say, can you do Friday later, you're supposed to say, let me move some things around and try to make that work. Not absolutely, I'm free. Right. And Jake would always be the absolutely I'm free guy. Can I meet you in 15 minutes?

Sure. At my bar? I'll be there. But Jake yesterday, after hearing us talk about it on the show. He took advice again. He said, what did you say exactly, Jake? Because she tried to cancel. Well, we had plans to maybe go to a show, and then she texted me and canceled.

And I said, oh, because she had to work late. I'm like, okay, no problem at all. If things fall through or whatever else, I might be able to move some things around and meet you later. That's so good. Why would you be able to move things around from the concert you're going to? No, no, she had to cancel and work late Right, and you were going to move things around It was her concert

It was her thing, her show It doesn't really apply in this situation But I'm glad it worked for you I'm so confused You said that you could move some things around I might be able to move some things around and see you later if it works out Right You had plans to see her

Yes And she canceled And then you said, I can move some things around And things shake loose I might be able to see you later. Jake, she canceled on you. The plans were with her. The plans were with her.

You had plans. Yeah. And then you said, I'll be able to move my plans around and see you? But she canceled those plans. And then you tried to re-what? I tried to re-re-re. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you sure did.

Oh, my God. But she fell for it. She did. So then what'd she say? We're back on? She said, oh, yeah, let me, I should be done like around 8.30 or so. I'll let you know. This guy must be in high demand.

He's had to rearrange his plans again. He said he thinks he'll make it work. What? What will he make work? Well, listen, it's all about head games. So she canceled the concert, worked late, and then after that, you got together with her. Yeah, yeah. And you went to her house.

Yeah. And you had a question. Did you text Johnny about this hoe bag or no? I put it in the prep about I was getting set to bring a hoe bag over. But you don't want to make her think that you were planning on spending the night. I don't want to be too presumptuous, yeah. Right. Yeah, you can't do that.

You got to play it cool, man. You got to play it cool. And the whole bag. Oh, I did. Yeah, Jake showed up with luggage. Jake showed up with two pieces of luggage. I'm moving in now. 50 pounds each.

TSA approved. It's just all T-shirts. But Johnny, you had a good piece of advice for Jake. Yeah, I told him to leave the ho bag in the car. So bring it. But once you get the okay that she's like, okay, yeah, like I want you to stay, then be like, okay, cool. Let me go see what I have in my car.

Yeah, the Hobag, also known as the Hover Night Bag, is, you know, on the off chance you're not going to have home field advantage, but you want to make sure you got some of your basics, deodorant, toothbrush, whatever. More important than the earthquake kit. I think as important, yeah, probably more. And, you know, Johnny, in his single days, he said he would travel with Hobag on the ready in his car at all times. You know, you got some of the toilet, basic toiletry stuff, but once again, you show up with it, then it does become across, like, wide open and planning on spending the night, and that's kind of a turnoff, too. You also have to pay attention to what Johnny said. Let me see what I have in my car. Not, okay, I've got luggage already.

I've already packed. I was preparing for this scenario. I have a full backpack. Damn, dude, a full backpack? So, Jake, what did you bring in your overnight bag? I brought the shirt I'm wearing today, my hat, a sweatshirt, my sleeping shorts, sleeping socks, a tank top, a little speaker, two priors. Speaker? Speaker.

Because I wanted to play music when I got to her house. Oh, God. Oh, man. What, is a toothbrush in here somewhere? Yeah, a toothbrush and toothpaste. Actually, I got that here with me right now because I had to brush my teeth when I got here. Okay, did we think to pack deodorant? Yeah, I got deodorant.

Well, I start now. I mean, all those items. I have two deodorants. I've got four different speakers, depending on how loud I want to listen to this tool. But I have no deodorant. Remember, that's her favorite band. Right. So when she said, do you want to spend the night, you said, did you say, no problem, I have my hoe backpack?

No, I walked in with it. Oh, man. Bro, I told you, leave it in the car. I didn't get that email until later. He didn't listen. So you showed up with like a whole I'm here for the night situation? Sort of, yeah. You said, can I play music while I unpack my deodorant and tank tops?

Did you come in with the music already playing, like the speaker on? Like, I've arrived. I did not. So what was the plan then? You thought maybe you would be ready to leave, and then at what point do you know you're staying? Well, look, the last time I was over there, she did have me stay the night. so I thought it'd probably be the same situation and if it wasn't that's fine too

but it was obviously you fill it out and it was obviously that kind of situation again and then you also asked about taking the relationship to the next level because it's been what a week, week and a half it's been like two weeks yeah but the next level is actually like a back step I think explain

because we weren't following each other on Instagram yet so I just said I thought it was kind of a funny joke would you like to take this to the next level and follow each other on Instagram it's dicey I don't enjoy it imagine this let's role play

this was last night okay here we go hi I have to cancel oh hi I've got my troll playing that's right I've got my speaker

don't worry oh you're here to drown yourself out I brought all my changes of clothes you brought your dog too by the way Jake yep

was that cleared ahead of time because if she's not a dog person yeah it's cleared ahead of time it's like it's known oh boy

back to that all right Well, congratulations. So you got laid last night? Yep. Does anyone want to? Yeah. Nice.

And you think that you're going to talk to this girl about being exclusive? Eventually, yeah. Because Johnny said you should just kind of let it lie. Yeah, just leave it open, man. Just leave it open. Don't do anything. Just let the status quo be for a long time. Let her want to seek you out.

Like, girls sometimes like the pursuit. They want to, like, chase. They don't want to, like, have somebody who's readily, openly available. Well, that's what we talked about yesterday. But Jake is available. Did you leave anything? Did you leave that thing where you left something behind at her place so you had a reason to go back? I did not.

Aw, dude, you're supposed to leave something. I know. Just my smell. That's why I left my swim cap at Clyde's. Okay. It's still there, Allie. God damn it. I got to get it.

Pick that up immediately. Don't worry about it. You know what? I'll just throw it in the trash. No! We've got a pair of tickets for you right now. If you'd like to join us, Emma Summer Kegger happening on September 3rd at Newport Beach, taking the show to the Hyatt there, and Slightly Stupid will be playing.

We're going to have booze, food, games, and prizes, and much more, I'm sure. And if you'd like to win your way in, the only thing standing between you and those tickets right now is a man by the name of Postmaster Johnny. It's time for a lightning round edition, one question, one question only, of Johnny Doesn't Know. Johnny doesn't know. And I was like, okay. Oh, Johnny doesn't know.

I didn't know Vegas was like in VAT for like a while. Johnny doesn't know. Johnny doesn't know. Gelato sounds like Jell-O. Johnny doesn't know. Johnny, this is going to be a tough one for you because I know you're not a real foodie. And, you know, a lot of people are calling this endless summer kegger the clam slam. So there is a question we have in store for you specifically about clams.

And I know that you're a huge fan of SpongeBob SquarePants. And so you know a thing or two about some things you'd find under the sea. But the reality is I don't think you've probably ever eaten a clam in your life, right? No, I don't think so He doesn't know what it is Yeah, I honestly don't, really I know it's like the thing that has a pearl on the inside Because of Looney Tunes?

Where would you find a clam? Oh, the ocean, duh Right, okay, but you've never had one? Like a red lobster? Yeah No And if you were to come across a clam, would you know how to eat it? You like boil it first to make it soft

and then you can go ahead and eat it. Okay. So I don't know. Johnny could have a tough time with this one, but let's say hi to Aaron, who will have the opportunity to play for these tickets right now listening to us in Newport Beach. How convenient will that be for you if you win?

Aaron, don't screw this up. We'd love to have you at our first ever Clam Slam, also known as the Klein Alley Show, Endless Summer Kegger. And the question for Johnny is, can Johnny name this popular clam dish described as thick and creamy, made with chopped clams, potatoes, onions,

and milk or cream this popular clam dish perhaps the most popular of the clam dishes will johnny know what it is that i'm describing yes or no oh gosh i gotta go no yeah all right when in doubt say no johnny she wants nothing more than to come to the clam slam also known as the klein alley show endless summer kegger she says you will not know the dish that is described as the thick creamy clam chopped clams potatoes onions milk or cream damn counting the ingredients i'm counting that's a lot of ingredients actually wait seven well he said potatoes and onions so i that changes my whole thought of what it could be now because you have to uh cook potatoes and onions you can't just put that in hot water um she says you will not know i think it is by far the most popular

of the clam food dishes in the planet? Oh, well, I have one answer, but it's going to sound stupid. And I know it's going to sound stupid. You might outdo yourself. You've done that before. What is the answer you're thinking of? I'm thinking, and it's like,

I don't even know if this is a real word or not, but it's a real food. I'm thinking jambalaya. That did sound stupid. Because you're saying cream and onion. Because it's what's going on in your brain. It's what my report card said. Jambalaya.

Yeah, okay. So you think jambalaya is your guess? She said you won't know. I'm going to say jambalaya. I'm also thinking another one, but I think I'm more certain on jambalaya. What's the other one you're thinking? There's this Elvis movie called Clam Bake. So I'm thinking, oh, maybe it's clam bake.

Aaron, good job. You were right. Johnny did not know, which means you will be joining us at the clam slam known as the Endless Summer Kegger. Johnny, it's a soup that is called clam. Dumpling. Clam what? Chowder. Oh, clam chowder?

Yeah. Oh. Chowder. Say it right. Chowder. Nope. Chowder. Chowder.

Have you ever had it? No. Of course not. Hold on, Aaron. We'll see you at the Endless Summer of Flam Slam situation. Man, I want some chowder. This is The Paradox. I kind of like that.

Takeaway's next on KROQ. Thank you, The Paradox. I kind of like that. Remix. A little island remix at the end there. Remix. Seemed racist. I'm KROQ.

And happy shamiversary for those of you that celebrate 818 Day. and it comes to an end. So I guess we'll try to do this thing for another year. Thanks for discovering the show, finding us. Hopefully we can all have a drink together and celebrate the end of summer 2026. Excuse me, the endless summer 2026. Details and more tickets tomorrow.

How does that make sense, by the way? Because it's still happening during summer. I don't really know, Omar. So if it's an endless summer, if it was post-summer, like after September 21st or whenever summer ends, then it would make sense. It's endless. It's one of the questions on the dumb-off.

Tomorrow, I will be participating in the dumb-off against Vanessa. We've got round three today. If you missed the show, I recommend you listen to Allie's tantrums that happened during her absolute... I mean, she just got completely destroyed by Omar. I wasn't even close. Yeah, well, one of the questions was like a slumdog millionaire situation where he happened to know the answer was seven and a half degrees because his kid had a test. Hey, at least I held on to that information.

You're calling Omar Slumdog Millionaire because he's part Bangladesh. It's the most racist thing ever. Part Bangladesh? That's not right. It is right. You're getting... I'll take it to call you racist. That's right.

Don't forget it. 208 had a quote from me as their takeaway. My takeaway is, don't cat me, bitch. Apparently that was something I yelled when I was upset. Oh, you got so angry today. You gave us another... You're all a bunch of stupid assholes. I mean, we're just hanging out, having fun here.

Allie, how hard are you going to go on a climb tomorrow? Well, I've already been putting together some of the questions. Give me a practice. Listen, remember, I'm also part of this. It can't go that hard. Give us a practice one now. Four girls are in line to buy smoothies. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Erewhon, next question. Go ahead. I'm ready. Go ahead. I'm listening. Lacey is behind Stacey, but not last.

Casey is in front of Macy, and Stacey is directly behind Casey. Who is at the end of the line? Stacey. Me. Me? No, you're not in this one. Stacey. Stacey's behind.

Incorrect. Well, I haven't thought. I had to write that. I'd have to write that down and draw it out. I'll let you think about it. Is there a Pacey involved? Pacey. No.

This sounds like a terrible line, by the way. Oh, neither. The smoothie shop is closed. There you go. That's right. That's Riddle. So, anyway, that'll be tomorrow. The other dumb off.

Round. Whoa. Tomorrow. Another round. Welcome back to school. I know a lot of teachers are praying for us today, as you probably should be. All right. Other takeaways from today?

show uh yes let's see here we go uh 818 my takeaways alley goes full pachina at home 213 my takeaway is 17 minutes of hold music will get you nowhere uh also related 424 my takeaways oh my god what the heck two three five six i don't know what we're talking about you should listen to more of the show it all makes sense 925 it is known that jake's jake arrives um with his dog when you hear tool playing through the speaker. 213, women just want to feel heard. Blah, blah, blah. And 818, my takeaway is the coins

are its mother. Uh-huh. Good takeaways from today's show. What's your takeaway there, Vanessa? A tiny towel said must for nudists. I'm going to smoke your ass tomorrow, Vanessa. You get ready. You versus me, dumb off. I don't know. I feel like you might because, Ali, I don't know riddles either. I know. I'll give you the answers.

Think about Klein. Don't give her the answers. Think about the type of questions Klein would get wrong. Thank you. Johnny, you have a takeaway? Take it to the goat scat if you're trying to smash. Jake, takeaway? Nudas have saggy leather balls. You have a takeaway there, DJ Omar Khan.

My takeaway is viva la 4th of July. Viva la 4th of July in Mexico. Allie, takeaway? My takeaway is the inaugural dumbass is back. It's back. That's right. One of the dumbest things we've said. All right, we'll do it tomorrow. Try to do it better. In the meantime, you can use that GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT. If you don't already follow along

on Instagram, please give us a follow over there. You can see what we're up to and see some clips from yesterday's Dom Off and whatever videos we post today. And there's also a podcast that goes with the show that you can download at your leisure. All right, that's it for us. Goodbye. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Do-do-do.

Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Oh. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Just okay. Do-do-do.