Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - HOUR 4- Old Peoples Secrets, Klein Ally Show Therapy and MORE

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Kline Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock.

Let's go color 20 right now as we get into a brand new hour of Kline Alley Show. Send you to Not Scary Farm opening night. You will be there to get all them scares. All the good Instagram videos. Get them good early because everyone else will start telling you, you know, hey, remember, just when you think you're out, there's one more scare. But when you go first, you don't have any indication. You're the guinea pigs.

Yeah, I know. You don't know what to expect. I think the first scares are the best scares. And you get to be a part of that. Let's get you in right now. Call 2,800-520-1067. Opening night, Not Scary Farm. This Halloween season is finally upon us.

And the number to call us, once again, is 800-520-1067. We will grab call at 20 in a moment. You'll have chances to win those tickets, four of them, every hour, all day long, straight up through 6 p.m. And if you're a new listener, new to the show, or just moved here from another land, nice to see you. I'm Clyde, that's Allie. Good morning. There's DJ Omar Khan right there. Hello.

That is Jake Zunard. Zach. He's recovering from being high on mescaline. If you need any, he's got a cactus guy. I have three. He's got three cactus men. In the back, you've got Postman Mr. Johnny and producer Vanessa. And she's not on bounce houses or boarding up her place in Long Beach to avoid the giant waves.

She's here keeping us on the tracks, at least that's the goal, at 800-520-1067. This is Klein Alley Show, and we say good morning right now to, oh, man, Alley. I see a lot of people on the phone that want in, and it's going to put us, I believe, in Monterey. Monterey? Hold on. Is this Cameron? Carmen? Carmen, hi.

Good morning. Good morning from Monterey Park. You are the 20th caller. All right. Thank you so much. Enjoy all them scares. You will be going to some Not Scary Farm for opening night, all right? Thank you.

Available to the general public from September 17th through October 31st. That's Halloween night, and you will be there before anyone else. Hold on one second. And more of those tickets coming up again next hour with Sluggo right here on KROQ. I like to think that people who are decorating for Halloween early are like modern-day protesters against the weather. They're just anti-summer protesters. Well, I think some people, especially with the heat wave we had, followed by like a slight cool down only to get to where we're at now,

which is going to be all that post-rain hot humidity crap. Dude, I was so pissed. It's supposed to be 98 tomorrow. People believe that they can start acting like winter. Let's just pretend that fall is here. And then it'll happen. Yes, you have to manifest it and will it because the sun obviously isn't listening. No.

Well, I forget what that groundhog said this year, But does anyone even listen to any more of that thing or no? What did they say this year? I think they said there was more winter. Yeah. Well, anyway, here we are. We've got a brand-new hour of the show to get into in moments. If you need us, the number is 800-520-1067.

We'll get to some Lifetime Achievement Award nominees later this hour and give you some stuff as well because I know we just gave away tickets, but we still get you into the Sandsport Super Show in the OC Fair and Events Center, and that will be coming up this hour right here. But first, Amy Lee and Evanescence to get you into a new hour on KROQ. So that will be our Klein Alley Show. Hey, guys, sweet doves. This is your most dedicated slogger in the high desert.

Someone claims that they are our most dedicated slogger. You can prove it by getting your very own Los Sloggers T-shirts. We'll give them away to the first 106 people that show up to our just-announced Fiesta Siesta happening a week from Wednesday at the Sconzo just after the show, 11 a.m. start time. First 106.7 people that arrive. will get themselves the shirt. I think we're rounding it up to 107, but yeah. Rounding up or down,

depending on body weight of that last person. But regardless, you get in there, you get yourself a low-slogger shirt. It's pretty cool. It's our first-ever low-slogger shirt celebrating Mexican Independence Day. And you will get yourself the gourmet taco from Descanso, plus some other things we have in store for you,

including live music. This woman, though, claims she is the most dedicated slogger. I just wanted to let you guys know that my therapist actually pretty much prescribed you guys for my medicine to get myself out of my anxious moments and my depression. Well, that's definitely not a qualified

therapist then, right? That's like Allie's wife. It's just somebody who's a listener who happens to have some kind of a degree. Or doesn't even have a degree. I mean, because... But, I mean, great. Take that, Lexapro. Ha! We make people happy. Happier than you, you dumb pill.

I love Lexapro. How dare you talk that about me? Yeah, Lexapro's great. In my therapy, she asked me in the beginning, like, What do you like to do, you know, when you have some alone time? I'm like, I sit and listen to the Klein and Allie show. And she's like, Klein and Allie show. I'm like. What the hell?

You said, what the hell is that? She sets down her notebook. What the what? At times, she's up. You're going to commit her? I'm like, if you don't know it, you should know it. You ain't cool if you don't know it. But I told her how much I love you guys.

And she basically, like, told me just recently. She's like, that's your medicine that makes you a happier person. Keep up with the Klein-Allen show. We are a medically prescribed show now. This is exactly what happened to weed at one point. Weed became legal because at one point they found some little medical loophole for it, and everyone was like, get on in on us. So now the therapists are recommending this show.

It helped grow the show a little bit, but I just want to let you guys know that you really put a smile on my face every day, and you've really helped me get through some super tough times. Please keep doing what you guys are doing. Love you guys. Well, there you go. And that's a very nice message from a woman who's clearly mentally deranged. But regardless, thank you for the call.

We'll take the derange. And thank you for your therapist suggesting that this show brings you happiness. I hope that we don't go the way of the cigarette, where at the beginning everyone was like, oh, my God, this is amazing. Everyone should do it. Oh, you're not cool if you're not smoking a cigarette. And everybody was just lighting up, and every single section of the restaurant was a smoking section. And then someone realized they're bad for you.

No, but now they're cool again. Yeah, I know. But then the, like, everyone, like, smoking is at an all-time low because everyone's like, oh, like, cancer. No, it's not now. It's back. Ali reversed most smoking because when you officially quit smoking is when all these things came out. And they said smoking is now back in a big way. I know.

And it's cool again. It's socially acceptable again. And it's all because you stopped doing it. You were the one thing that was holding down smoking. Smoking was like, finally, she's gone. They're like, Surgeon General's like, thank God for this Ali Johnson. She put it out, and now we all can pick it up again. And there's other things that now are universally cool that were medically prescribed at one point.

I think vibrators for a while, that was like a medical thing. Really? Yeah, I think the first- That was something they prescribed? I don't know exactly how it worked, but I remember something like where doctors would use them to try to get the crazy out of women. When women got the vapors? Yeah, when women would act all crazy, they'd go to the doctor, and the doctor's like, here we go. They would just call it hysteria?

Right, and they would go, here's a rabbit. Here, just pleasure yourself. You'll feel better. And then they'd be like, you got the crazy out. But then it's, yeah, people usually feel pretty good after they have an orgasm. Yeah, so we're like vibrators, cigarettes, and weed. There you go. Now you know what you've been missing.

We'll take a quick break. We're back in a moment. We have more show and old people's secret to get through, help you live forever, and much more next on KROQ. KROQ, we are a Klein Alley show. We'd love to give you the gift of eternal life, and it's way better than winning tickets. Sure, we have tickets for you and access and everything else. And, yes, a lot of people are asking, how can I win tickets to the next show hang? You don't need tickets.

You just show up there. So, once again, that is open to the general public. And that's the Klein Alley Show, Fiesta Siesta. Go ahead and set a reminder. Happening a week from Wednesday, September 16th, 11 o'clock sharp at Descanso. First 106, though, will get themselves a Los Lager shirt and the gourmet taco. Yeah, we're very general public. General public.

So it makes sense that we host something that's just for the regular people of the world. So if you'd like to come, we'd love to see you there. We have an old person that's going to share with us their secret. If you'd like to live forever, you must start doing this immediately. And if you're not, then you could die by the end of today. So listen closely to this. From chicken brain to drinking rain, not getting laid, they call me the barmaid. They call me the barmaid.

Let's live forever with Sweet Dibbets. Sweet Dibbets. Time for some old people secrets. this woman is triple digits which is impressive but i mean we've had some high triple digits we've had 111 year olds so this one's a little less impressive but still worthy of making it into the old people's secrets well this is when they start writing about you right so you got to hit triples and i was explaining to my daughter i can't believe i'm saying this but my daughter turned 10 today which is crazy and i was trying to explain to her the significance of that is the

Next time that she will add another digit to her age is when she turns 100. It's when she's dead. And then she said to me, are you going to be here for that? I go, oh, no. I will be long, long gone. Yeah, I mean, going double digits is probably the most exciting birthday. It's the first big milestone birthday. Double digits is a big one, but triple digits is where it's at.

No one asks you what your life secret is when you're 10. They don't care. But when you're 100, all of a sudden, that's when they start asking. Some people retire into a rocking chair. Okay, these go here. Or Margaret Lines. Now, she does not want that stereotype of just an old lady in a rocking chair. And by the way.

I would love that. That sounds amazing. Amazing. Especially in one of those digital rocking chairs so you don't really have to do the work to rock yourself. Oh, my God. She just kind of does it for you. That's just someone with a stick poking you back and forth. Yep, that's the only other option.

That sounds true. I'd love that. You don't have to do anything. We don't have the technology. It has to be someone with a stick. That's old school. i'll keep it traditional okay these go here margaret lines found a volunteer shift you have to keep going you can't sit down one more and just how long has she been going i never think about

that who's 100 so this is every volunteer now pretty much this is like almost 100 years old because they are so bored they're like i have to keep busy with something so i guess i'll just do Charity work. Yeah. And it's a great, technically, in theory, it's great. Yeah. The reality is, and this sucks, but I was someone that recently had to deal with an elderly volunteer at the sheriff's station. And it was painfully.

Well, and, like, the voting booths, they're everywhere. Right. And they make everything. And they have nowhere to be, so they're not in a hurry. No. And you are? They're trying to get into heaven. Oh, is that what's going on?

Oh, good theory, Jake. They're trying to clear their scorecard before they meet their maker. so they're like oh I just got to put in some volunteer hours now and I'll go from hell to heaven yeah right before you check out well you know

if you want to get to heaven why don't you help a little faster because this I mean very slow and this woman was trying to explain to me I was in the wrong place for my fix-it ticket

and then she said I can tell you the right place if you show me your phone and that's where I messed up because I gave her my phone and then she was completely perplexed by it just couldn't figure out

what is this this isn't a stick I thought you had a poking stick so I mean I appreciate the old people for volunteering. Of course. But it's just such a long process. It feels like it takes three volunteers

to help the one volunteer volunteer. Yeah, and I feel like some of the other volunteers, the ones that aren't 100, have to work overtime to make up for the 100-year-old person. But you can't say that because then you're a dick if you're like, this volunteer sucks and is really slowing things down. You're like, Gladys is packing the backpacks. We're going to have to

unpack all of them. Right. We're going to have to repack them. She's got her own system over there. Margaret celebrated her 100th birthday right here at the center. surrounded that's her hips i want to point that out the hips are shattering but she's she she plows through she's tough right here at the center surrounded by the people she spends so much of her time helping and finding something to do has never been a problem for margaret i've always bowled all my life another activity where the average age is like 85 right which is

weird because you would think that would be a tough one on the body i mean it's not really It's not that much physical activity, but I mean, that ball is taking three steps, nine pounds or 12 pounds or something. My grandma had a pretty heavy ball even when she was bowling at 90. Yeah, I started bowling when I was in high school. These days, she's still stepping up to the lane every Tuesday, lining up her shot and sending that ball toward the pins. After 82 years on the lanes, you're in the parking lot. You're not in the lane. Yeah, it's nowhere.

You're not in the bowling alleys over there, man. You're in a wall. 82 years on the lanes. Oh, that was so good. Oh, man. She's still bowling? Or is she bowling? Oh, that was so good.

Oh, wow. That sounds like a secret to me. Margaret has learned that a good game takes more than just a good role. Concentration. You can't have your mind wandering this way or that way. Maybe that's the secret. Now this is the woman now is doing what the news people do. They try to guess what the secret is before they ask the secret.

So we'll get to the actual secret in a moment and place your bets. But this is what the woman thinks her secret's going to be. Maybe that's the secret. Stay focused, keep moving, and find something that brings you joy. Now, that's the news anchor's theory as to what the secret is. In a moment, this woman is about to give us what her actual secret is. A real secret. So what do you think she's going to say?

She's 100, she bowls, she volunteers. She is not much for rocking chairs. What do you think her secret is going to be for how she's able to live this long and healthy life? I think it's going to be tapping that. Tapping that. I think she's going to make a sex show. Sexually active. She sounds like it.

She's breaking all those bones. Yeah. I mean, when she made that noise, that's not a bowling ball. You made a similar noise at one point. No, I don't think I have. I've never made noises like that, at least not sexually. Yeah, no, I think it was a reaction to food, but it sounded like. That's not it.

Oh. No. Oh. Oh. That's a good one I don't like having sex with this woman Oh that was so good Thank you

I don't like having sex with this woman At all There it is Oh that was so good You're so horny Stop it Chris Oh that was so good You want to hide the finger?

No You'll never find it again This poor woman is 100 years old. We're celebrating her. I don't like what's happening. She knocked down those pins, baby. I am turned on right now. All right, what's her secret, Allie?

It's clearly not that. I said tap in that. All right, Allie said tap in that. Jake? I think she's going to say beer. She's a beer drinker. Omar, what's her secret? I don't want to say Omar.

He's going to start playing this again. Oh, that was so good. I'm going to eat it all. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Oh, man, surprise. You're eating it. Oh, gross. That's great.

Now you're speaking her language. All right, so anyway, Vanessa, you want to guess? Yes, hot girl walk. Oh, a hot girl walk. Hot girl walk, all right. Let's find out what her actual... She's got to walk it off after this. I'm just happy she complimented me,

Even though I know it's all nonsense, I still feel... You're just glad you looked good in the situation. I feel good that she said it was good, regardless. I know I was trying to make her say it was terrible. Old people are honest. Here's her actual secret. Eat well, sleep well, and help others. There you go.

Oh, that's basically what... That's her secret. That's what I was doing. You're going to eat it all yummy, yummy. Oh, man. Oh. Thank you. Oh, that was so good.

I like the way you kiss me. You're so respectful. Well, you guys are romantic. Yeah, it's really sweet that you guys still kiss. It's a beautiful long story. Such a dry kiss. You guys are ridiculous. K-Rock.

Let's do some takeaways, then we'll officially get out of here. The number to text them to us is 800-520-1067. And then Sluggo will be in here, get you some more of that K-Rock and more of those tickets for Not Scary Farm opening night. We'll win them every hour, continuing all day long, straight up through 6 p.m. All right, takeaways from today's show, and then we'll do it again tomorrow

and try to figure out a way to do it better. What do we got? All right, 818, my takeaway is Magic Johnson gets his parking validated. Yeah, just like us, guys. He was driving, I will say this, he was driving a Bentley. A lot of people asking me,

what type of car was Magic Johnson driving when he pulled up next to you? It was a Bentley, as he should. Similarly, Klein gets dressed as White Magic Johnson for Halloween. Only a couple of times. Three times, I believe, I wore that as a child. Let's see.

213, Allie loves those pork jowls. It's her favorite cut of meat is pork jowls. 818, white guys love Mexico City. According to Brett Favre, it's the best. Oh, another one. Wow. 310, Klein had pinups of Magic Johnson. There were posters.

Allie called them pinups. She's a gay lady. She doesn't know what posters are. 909, Klein and Jake had sex three times in one night. Not with each other. And let's see. Here we go. 310, another Magic Johnson one.

And Magic Johnson is alive. And 626, I have a mouthful of pancakes. You can go ahead and see all those pictures and much of the stuff we just chatted about up on our Instagram at Klein Alley Show. While you're there, you can see the details for our next show hang, which is called the Klein Alley Show's Fiesta Siesta. Your decision. You want to party? You want to nap? We'll have both happening.

It's going to be a great time. Jake will be in charge of Team Siesta because he loves that daily nap. Yeah, we're going to have a hotel over there, Frank. It's going to be a great hang regardless of what it is you're in for, live music and everything else. So what's your takeaway from today's show, Postmaster Johnny? Magic Johnson's dead. No, he's not dead. He's very much alive, and I got to tell him that to his face,

and he was thrilled to know it. What's your takeaway? What's your name? Vanessa. Klein Alley's show is like cigarettes. And weed. And dildos. And weed.

That's right, all of them. We're medicinal now. Remember that. That means we're a tax write-off, I think. Alley, takeaway? My takeaway is everyone needs at least one cactus guy. Jake, the nerd, takeaway. Yeah, get you a muumuu so you can hide your hunger.

Got to hide the hunger behind the muumuu. Allie's trying with sweatshirts, but these sweatshirts are getting tight on her. Order me some muumuu's all the way down. Those bodybuilders at Gold's Gym in Venice or whatever. Ripping through that shirt. Omar, you have a takeaway? Yeah, this is my takeaway. Milk me.

Oh, that was so good. I've got dementia. Thank you. It's a beautiful thing right there. There's so much in common. I feel like I got lucky this morning already, which is great. I think so. All right, we'll do it tomorrow and try to do it better.

If you need us in the meantime, hit us up on the GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT, and that'll pretty much do it for us. All right, that's it. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hit it. Bye.

Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Do-do-do. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Wow. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Just, just, just, just okay. Do-do-do. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.