Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Human Bingo

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. It's time for Human Bingo. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a game of bingo unlike any other, where you are the star.

This is Human Bingo. Up for grabs. Tickets to the end of the summer kegger on Thursday. Slightly stupid. It's going to be a great hang. We will all be there. We hope you're there as well. And we're looking for you right now. Bingo! If you are one of the following, and listen closely because this could be like, wait a minute, that's me they're talking about.

Recently dumped. Very recently dumped. You're single right now. You were broken up with. That's a bummer, but you know what? It'll be even better when you're posting photos of you at the Endless Summer Kegger and then your ex is going, God, why? Why did I break up with this person?

I wonder if those dumpings happen as regularly as they used to. I feel like now people kind of know that it's mutual or that you're about to be dumped. Like, you can see it coming. How often are you, like, blindsided? We'll go with that as well as if you have a speech impediment. It doesn't matter what that speech impediment is. There's a bunch of different ones you could have. I feel like our show's got most of them covered, actually.

But if you'd like to join us for that, 800-520-1067. Klein's had a few of them this morning. Oh, man, that's rough. Those stutters become super contagious pretty quickly. And since Omar's probably not going to be at the kegger, we need someone to replace him with a speech impediment. Someone needs to stutter, stutter, stutter. And finally, we're looking for you if you've ever been banned from a place. Banned for life would be preferable, but there's different reasons you've been banned.

And sometimes it's a temporary ban. And sometimes, like one of my buddies I went to Vegas with one time where he is never allowed back in a wind property ever again for the remainder of his life, which is a crazy ban to get. And I think they actually follow through on that. We say good morning now to our first person on Human Bingo. And this is Jenny. Jenny, why are you calling us? Which category fits you? Hi, good morning.

Sweet Divots. Sweet Divots. So, I am banned from every Target in Orange County. Damn, amazing. How did that happen? Is that shoplifting? Yep. Yeah.

Yep. I knew. What did you? Like one time or multiple? Multiple. I would go to like every Target every day, basically. And then they tracked you down finally and they said now you are banned from every Target. Just in Orange County, though.

Just in Orange County. Oh, yeah. They built a big case. Oh. What were you stealing? Just stuff for you or stuff to sell? Stuff to sell. And was this the only store that you would rob from,

or were you going to other stores too? The only store on, like, that scale. And did you have to do time for this? Like, when they eventually caught up to you, what happened? Yeah, I had to do a couple months in jail. Oh, that's not bad. What was your method of stealing? Was it the thing where you'd get the expensive stuff

but then scan the little piece of produce and so it looked like you weren't, it was a self-checkout stealing or was it putting stuff? Was it alley stealing? No, you tried to drop a... No, it wasn't alley stealing. It would be like,

I would go fill up like a suitcase. I would leave and like my boyfriend at the time would come in and like leave with it. So you would fill up a suitcase. Was it a suitcase you brought or you'd go grab a suitcase from Target then fill it up with stuff and then wheel it out?

Oh, I grabbed one of theirs, yeah. Yeah, smart. I did that recently, actually. All right. You did what? All right, hold on one second. So now you're not allowed back into it. And have you tested the system, by the way?

Have you tried to go into a Target in Orange County to see if they throw you out? I haven't. Well, out of curiosity, what's the biggest item you sold? Like, I know you stole stuff and then sold it online or whatever. It was only, like, one thing, and I'm not proud because I'm a mom now, but I would steal baby formula. Oh. I would probably buy that from somebody secondhand for cheaper.

That's why they lock that stuff up, though. It's hard to get that baby formula. You need two keys. That's a two-key system a lot of places. Not even one key. Two keys. Like they're launching a nuclear weapon just to get some formula. All right.

We say hi now to someone else who fits one of the categories. Alvin. Excuse me. Alvy is how your name is written here. Good morning, Alvy. Hey, good morning. This is David. What happened to you?

I don't know. The girlfriend I was dating dumped me like over text last night. She, I don't know. I think she took things personally. She liked that I joked around, but took some of my jokes seriously. Then I stopped joking around and asked me why I stopped joking around. I honestly think she was a space cadet, which I was fine kind of working through. But last night, she just said she had enough.

So I found myself newly single this morning. And how long were you together? We were together for six months. What did the text say exactly? Yeah, she just said, well, then she goes, hey, you want to talk tonight? And I said, hey, I'm kind of spent. Can we talk tomorrow instead?

And then she said, this is ridiculous. I'm done. And then she said, yeah. She said, you left a water bottle and a jacket here. So I just sent her back a buy Felicia gift and said to throw it in the trash. And that was it. Damn.

I mean, she was looking for a reason. It's like, I'm kind of tired. Ugh, it's always tired with you. We're done. All right, hold on one second. That's Albie. Recently dumped via text last night. Six months relationship.

Down the tubes. That must be kind of, I mean, it sounds like he's kind of heartbroken, but also it would be nice to be on the rebound at an event like the Kegger. Noah, you have been banned, you've been broken up with, or you have a speech impediment? I have been banned. From where? I got banned from a hotel just outside of Whitefish, Montana.

It's a great place to be banned from, just because I don't think it's going to affect your life too much. Yeah, when are you going to go there again? Well, I guess if I wanted to go skiing, I would go there, But I wouldn't say it's the best Western. Why did you get banned? I used to work in the Conservation Corps, and we would go camping for 10 days at a time for work. And then we would come back from work.

But we wouldn't have anywhere to stay other than more camping. So we would go to this hotel because it was cheap. And, you know, one or two of us would buy the room, and then everyone else would sneak through the window. But we weren't being very sneaky, apparently. Yeah. So is that a lifetime ban, or did they put a time frame on it? I feel like at one point they definitely knew who we were, but I could probably go back now. All right.

Well, then hold on one second. I mean, technically you're not banned if you can go back. What's the problem here? Well, you can't sneak people. There's a rule how many people you can have in a room. And then if you're obviously got people climbing through the window, the hotel doesn't like that at all. So then, you know, they toss you out. I feel like that's one of the tamest things to go on at a Best Western.

You've never been thrown out of a hotel before? Me? No. Never? Have you? Yeah, oh yeah. Why? A different thing, different reasons. But I mean, there was times when security would come up and they would say, you get a warning and then if you don't...

Because it's like too loud or something? Too loud or something going on, there's too many people in the room or... What was this, in Vegas? Once in Vegas, once in... You have to do a lot to get thrown out of a Vegas hotel. Once in Canada, I was thrown out of a hotel in Canada, Marriott, the Chateau Champlain Marriott in Canada, in Montreal. Because of noise? That party situation thing.

Yeah, I mean, I just... Say, everyone get out of here. Get your stuff. Get out of here. The security stands there, watches you pack your luggage. You pull it down the hallway. Well, you know that just means somebody below you complained enough times. Penny House Greg, why are you calling?

Well, because one thing, you know, client, I like you a lot. You're one of my best friends. You know that. Come on. I just call them because I've been banned like 25 places. I don't know why they don't like me. We asked, I asked the other day, I don't think you ever left this message on the go line, which is crazy because most of the other messages there are you.

But what are some of the places you've been banned from? I know Starbucks has banned you. Oh, hell yeah. That's the one I got arrested at. Okay, so everyone from, like, let's see, Denny's. I got banned from the Stater Brothers. I got banned from every frickin' dispensary I've been in, you know. And it just goes on.

It just goes on. How you doing today, Allie? How's the baby doing? Hold on, hold on. Hold on. That's great. Great sidestepper. Patios, Greg, you've only given us...

So you've been banned from Estater Brothers, Starbucks, all of the weed stores because you go in there and you ask them for free nugs and then you harass the patrons. But that's only the tip of the... Do you think there's other places you've been banned from as well, like restaurants as well? That is the truth. That is the truth. Like Chipotle, they don't like me there. Why'd you get kicked out of Chipotle?

It's always the same, I'm sure. No, I'm in appropriation in other ways. In other ways, I'm appropriated. You know, I was told a story about Pantyhose Greg that he was at the Megan Holiday donut fundraiser over the weekend, Allie. Oh, yeah, I was there. And I was told that he was going up to people, like strangers there, and saying to them, Hey, do you listen to K-Rock in the mornings? I'm Pantyhose Greg.

Is that true? Yeah, I was there. but I got to let them know that it's me because then they get all excited. They're like, can we do a selfie? Has that ever happened? Oh, yeah, all the time. When I come to your events, people are like,

can I get a selfie, Pantyhose Greg? Like that, you know? So you pulled a do you know who I am at Trejo's Donuts at an event with Megan Holiday? I think he was hitting on Ginger Justin's wife. I heard that he approached Ginger Justin's wife and was smitten by her and was trying to play the whole I'm a star.

Have you ever heard of the name Pantyhose Greg? You're talking to him. I'd like to take you out to a Chipotle later, but I can't. I can't take you anywhere. All right, Pantyhose Greg, hold on one second. That guy's been banned by a lot of places. We say hi now to Sarah. Sarah, what's going on?

Hi. Good morning. Oh, good morning. Hey. Why are you calling? I was broken up after 14 years on a Post-it note. On a Post-it note? Wow.

Old school. That's cool. So what did the Post-it note say? Yeah, he just didn't commit. Man child. Well, after 14 years, he kind of committed, right? Well, he didn't go to your next... No, no, we didn't live together or anything.

So it was... But still... What did the post-it note say? What did it say? It just said he didn't have the bandwidth to be in a relationship at this moment because he was overwhelmed with life. That's a big post-it note.

I know, you can fit that much on a post-it? I feel like there's like four words max on those things. All right. He wrote small. Hold on one second. You wrote it really small. Hey, Rudy, speech impediment? Rudy?

Yes. Hi. You have a speech impediment? No. I got banned from casinos. Banned from a casino? Yeah, a lot of banned. A lot of banned people.

What happened there? For counting cards. Oh, that's cool. Counting blackjack? Yeah, you have. But that's all Harris casinos. How much money did you make before they shut you down? You know, it was funny because I made, well, it was $20,000.

But when they cut me off, I wasn't winning. I was actually, I wasn't winning at all. I had like about $800 in my hand. Yeah, but maybe they had enough footage of you. They can tell the way you were gambling, raising your bets when the shoe was favorable. That sucks because, you know, you take the time to develop a skill, like counting cards, and that is not an easy skill to develop, and then you really don't have that many places to utilize it.

What was the game, Blackjack? I would imagine. It's the only place you can really count cards. Right, Rudy? What's that? That's okay. You're not that much fun. You know, if we invited him to the event, we do have Blackjack tables.

We do have our own Jack Black tables. He would just clean us all out. He doesn't even get banned from our event. Yeah, maybe we should have a card counter there. Yeah. All right, listen. It's been an interesting round so far of human bingo. When we get back, I'll take the last few calls.

But if you have a speech impediment and you'd like to come to the Endless Summer of Kegger, we're going to pick our favorites from each category and give you those tickets after some Temper City self-aware on KROQ.