Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Jake Changes His Smells

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

New episode of Klein Alley Show is about to begin, but before that can happen, Alley, let's tell the people what they need to know. You mean about San Bernardino International Airport? Of course I'm talking about the San Bernardino International Airport. Easy, close, and not LAX. And parking is always just five bucks a day, which means it is El Cheapo approved. Fly nonstop to Provo, Utah for all the skiing, snowboarding, or wives you can handle. And of course you can fly into my hometown of San Francisco, San Bernardino International Airport, when airports smell great. consolation crazy town as ali pointed out from now on if you lose ali knows the news your consolation prize will always be crazy town so study up if you win money and if you lose every

single day at this exact time more crazy town uh goat line very active 844-956 goat is that real vanessa are you leaving messages on the goat line or is that someone doing an impression of you someone doing an impression of me but i gotta say i thought it was me yeah if you're having a rough day i'm just telling you right now there are certain things you can do that will instantly put you in a better mood this has worked for all of us on a personal level doing an impression of vanessa even if it's to yourself in your own head out loud even better but if you do it to yourself it will instantly make you like 10 percent happy right just say i'm having a horrible day so if you want to do your impressions you're more than welcome to today

big day shows that she said so many new lines i know last year i forgot about that any of those so many great ones they're all just great for different reasons you know i was recalling actually this morning popped into my brain when we did the testosterone test and we read the results and vanessa had the highest testosterone and her response was am i a boy that was the best that was the greatest that was one of my favorites i don't even know if we've ever played it i don't think we've pulled that clip as well yeah if you're keeping track johnny's got the lowest t on the show and vanessa's got the highest t so you know if we're all playing for second place on vanessa i know we are doing the live stream on youtube now so you can see what we look like but

you can look at your own risk 714 said i've been listening for about four months now welcome yeah since i bought my car and i've often wondered what klein and alley look like i just heard a caller talking about klein's thick neck so i typed into google gemini what do klein and alley look like. Yikes. I thought I would get a picture response, but instead I got a written response. Oh, man. Really? That's so sad. They won't even put a picture of us on? No, they just did a description.

I mean, it's better for that person. Let me know if you're offended by this. Klein, Kevin Klein, and Allie Johnson are the hosts of The Morning Show on 106.7 KROQ in Los Angeles. Klein is a bald, broad-shouldered, straight male, frequently noted on the show for having a particularly thick neck.

Come on! Allie is a tall woman. This is all recent stuff. The thick neck thing just started about a week ago with you guys. And bald is only because I was forced to shave my head. You're painting a picture of me. So far, accurate. Not accurate, Omar. Very accurate.

Well, it does need to say bald by choice. Not bald by choice. Shaved head by blind. Because you do have hair. Because Jake's cousin... You didn't even shave your head. Yeah, what's his name? Shaved my head or whatever. Yeah, I should have gotten a pizza instead. Do you want to move on to me? Yeah, sure. Allie is a tall woman who is

an out lesbian known for her long giraffe neck. So I don't know why Google Gemini thought it was the most important to describe our necks in detail and include our sexuality. Thick neck and long neck. Just so you can complete the picture. Every morning.

We are a show that's impossible to give a hickey to. Thick and long neck in the morning. Good luck. What is this person picturing? They don't know what we actually look like and now this picture has been painted for them that I'm this tall freakish woman with a giraffe neck. The fact that they're focusing on your long neck as opposed to your five head is crazy because if i'm going to paint a snapshot of what you look

like the five head is where i start so how do we change this do we just tell gemini hey no don't forget about my giant forehead i don't think you can change it because what it does is it just picks up everything that's out there in the world and every conversation and every comment and everything that's been made and if you look at enough of the stupid things that people write on instagram they'll just pick up all those comments and this is how they've decided that We should ask it again when Allie gets fat. That's a good point. Can't wait for the return of fat Allie.

I'm shocked they haven't picked that up yet. Allie Johnson is a radio host who's mostly made of mayonnaise. She's going to be super fat. She's half giraffe and half mayonnaise. That's the recipe. Hey, Jake, I heard you're in the process of doing some sort of a life change. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that probably whatever it is, it's probably...

It's about time. It's about time. Whatever it is, it's overdue. I don't know what you're thinking about doing, but I'm going to say you should probably do it. Okay. But you've accepted the fact that you smell and you're done with this whole it's a natural musk thing. It's not me, myself. I want to change the way my Jake Shack smells.

Well, you are the... I'm going to move away from ass. Yeah, your house is usually eventually kind of what you smell like. You live somewhere long enough. That's why you go to a car that smells. It's probably the person who smelled. Okay, but my apartment smells like, you know, patchouli, I guess, because I burn a bunch of incense. And is that to cover up the smell of the giant pile of laundry?

No, the pile of laundry lives in a closed, you know, container. Yeah, but the smell won't stay within the closed container. Here it does. Omar's right. No, even if you close a little closet door, you can start seeping out of there. No way. Jake has a giant pile of laundry that he just keeps adding to until it gets so big that he's out of clothing. And he said usually it's about a month's worth of dirty laundry.

And he lives in a tiny little shack that doesn't really have room. So it's just one kind of room, 300-something square feet. You can't even see the shirts behind it. So the question is, Omar's right. Are you just lighting incense to cover up the other smells? No, I'm lighting incense because I like to smell incense. But really, I've realized that what I really like is the smell of pipe tobacco. So I want to try to hire, like, an old man just to smoke pipe tobacco in my house instead of lighting incense.

They have candles for that. They have pipe tobacco smells. I know. I bought those. It's better. I'm like Jake. I love secondhand smoke, cigar smoke. I don't like smoking cigars, but I like the smell of other people smoking cigars. You don't like secondhand cigarette smoke? Only cigars? I like secondhand cigar smoke. Cigars is a whole different thing. And I like secondhand. I agree with Jake. You don't see a lot of guys smoking pipe tobacco, but there is a nice smell to it.

My mom can stop by your Jake shack and smoke in your shack for a week. Is this one of those long Sherlock Holmes pipes with pipe tobacco? I'm pretty sure she'll smoke anything. Yeah, just give it to her. She'll smoke it. Yeah, I'll get a little rocking chair. She can sit in the corner and smoke a pipe all day. I mean, she can really let that smell seep into anything. That'd be great.

Very quickly. What is your current incense scent you're going with, Jake? Is it, you say it's patchouli? Well, yeah, I have patchouli. I have dragon's blood. I have temple. I got all sorts of weird stuff. Tell you what, this place doesn't smell like this vagina.

I know. Because that is a, that smell. It's a very pungent smell. I had a phase where I was doing incense. I feel like everyone's incense page is college, right? I mean, I was like tapestry and incense. Yeah, it was high school. I remember that.

You'd buy the sticks. That lasted like six months, and I was like, over this. This is stupid. Because it's very thick smell. I think my dad came in my room, and he said, turn that thing off, you hippie. Shut the door. Turn it off? Yeah.

The incense? This is bull feathers. He said, turn that off. So you're going to go away from incense? Well, I've got to find pipe tobacco. I'm not going to, I got to find like an old man. So you don't, but you don't want to start smoking a pipe. Cause I actually think that would be a good addition to your look, Jake.

If you were like, oh, I just have a pipe with me all the time. Yeah. Pipe guy. You can be pipe guy, but not like weed pipe, just tobacco pipe, which is a, which is a dying, understandably why it's dying. It's the throat cancer. Because everyone died. Because they all died.

But I think you could bring that back and kind of a, you can be like a pipe guy. You can have a pipe and then just put Zin in it or Zine or whatever it's called. Jake, I think that you should, what you just want the smell of it without the actual smoking of it yeah man it smells so good yeah the problem is whenever you do buy a candle that's called like tobacco scent or whatever it does it's not the same i know what he's wanting also candles that's the reason why i had all those like uh black spots on my old apartment when i moved out all the candles yeah because my ex just burned a whole bunch of candles so it puts that soot on the walls and you think incense is not putting some kind of a weird film on your

shack doesn't i don't think you can ever get an incense smell out especially you burn it every day, don't you? Oh, numerous times a day. Oh, so it's probably so thick. Jake, what are you spending a month on incense if you had to guess? Oh, that's pretty cheap. I don't know. I'd say less than 20 bucks. I think when you buy it, they're like, wow, people are still buying this?

Yeah, you need like a thousand sticks for a nickel. I think that's why Jake's into it. He likes anything like a grocery bag. Anything that's a nickel, he's a big fan of. Yeah. I got incense money all day. You only do sticks or do you do those weird little cones too? No, the cones are for losers. Sticks, man. That's so incense.

Jake's the stick guy? So you won't burn it? Why won't you burn it? Incense cones are for losers. I'm pretty sure they're all for losers, but why won't you burn a cone? I don't have a cone burner. Right. So you just put...

Do you have a special incense holder? I'd say a plate is a cone burner. I got numerous. I got two for inside. I got two for outside. Oh, my God. Jesus. I'm sorry, Burbank.

That sucks. I wonder what it would smell like if you just stopped all smells. We know, Allie. Oh. That is good. Yeah. We got to take a break. If you're a pipe smoker and you want to live inside of Jake's shack in a corner in a rocking chair, he'd love to hire you.

Make that place smell like tobacco smoke. We're back in a moment. ADD News. And then we'll tell you how you can score a giant TV for you or the father in your life and as much meat as you could possibly handle. That's all coming up on KROQ.