Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Jake Gets Kicked Out of the DMV

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. K-Rock, we are Klein Alley Show.

And yesterday was the birthday of a Jake the Nerd. It probably wasn't on your calendar because it's not that big of a deal. But for Jake it is because he's one of those guys that loves to celebrate his birthday. And nothing against that. I know there's some adults in the world that are like that. Well, you do have something against it. Well, I think guys that make a big deal about their own birthday, it's a little weird, to be honest. Don't you?

I mean, most every guy that I know does not care about their birthday. And if they do, they just do a dinner or one little, maybe a trip for themselves or something. But it's not like, it's my birthday all day long, which is what Jake does. I'm uncomfortable getting any sort of, like, attention. And frankly, a birthday, to me, it's like everyone has one. It doesn't make you special. Whatever. Well, you care more about your half birthday, I believe.

Half birthday is a significant day that should be celebrated by all. But a real birthday, forget it. Jake is not the guy. He's the, hey, my birthday is like, for instance, Omar's birthday is coming up, I think, in a week or something. Yep. He likes that thing to slide under the radar. Absolutely. No, no.

In fact, I believe that's the day we're going to do the big backyard pool party hang, and it's for Omar's birthday, and Omar's not even going to attend, which is amazing. That's his birthday present he's giving himself. Yeah, we're throwing a pool party. Not showing up. A pool party on Omar's birthday, and we said this will be great. This is going to be the day, and Omar goes, I will not be there. We're going to do a cake with candles, and they'll just sit there.

They're going to sit there and melt down slowly. Like an unattended menorah. It'll just slowly burn until there's nothing left. So, on the other hand, Jake is not that guy. Jake, my birthday's coming up. That's my birthday month. Anytime you mention August, that's my birthday. God forbid you mention the number four, that's my birthday.

He likes talking about his birthday. He's one of those guys, it's a look at me, it's my birthday. And you make birthday plans. Like, you've got a whole idea or agenda for your birthday every year, Jake? Usually I don't. Usually I just kind of wing it, but I do like to hang out and have a party. This year, because Jake had lost the bet on the show and was officially the worst driver because he lost the written test, the DMV written test.

And then he also lost the on-road driving test, was forced to spend his birthday at the DMV. Where he went to yesterday was the DMV in Glendale. He went there at 1 p.m. sharp, and he had a nice little area where he set himself up at the DMV. There was a balloon to let people know on the outside of the DMV that this is where the party is, the international sign of party inside is one balloon blown in the wind.

We had that until security ripped it down and popped it, which we have video of. but the balloon was up there on the outside for a while, and Jake was sitting on the inside with another balloon and a party hat on, and he brought his own cooler of beer with him. He had his dog with him, just to paint the picture, and then some people had shown up.

I also brought a speaker. For music? For music, yeah. Oh, no. That's the worst part of it all. A bunch of Tool and the DMV. I sadly had to go there because I had to drop off Jake's annual birthday pizza.

How much was that this time, by the way? $60. Okay. $60 for Jake's expensive pizza that he adds meatballs and ricotta to and everything else. So good. And so I had to drive to the DMV as well, which made me feel like I lost the bet because I went there and I didn't have to go to the DMV. And I had to go there and park and that whole thing just to go inside and give Jake his pizza. But I'm glad I went because I got to witness one of the weirder things I've ever seen, which is a grown-ass man sitting in the DMV, a bunch of other people around you, some listeners, some just regular people that were doing their DMV business.

Everyone equally confused as to what they were seeing. And Jake just living his best life with his party hat. And Jake seemed genuinely like he was enjoying himself, which actually made me mad because the whole idea of being forced to sit in the DMV for five hours was it was a punishment. Yeah, and I don't know how this played out because I didn't lose, so I wasn't there. Smart. But I want to know how long he spent in the DMV because the punishment was to spend four, at least four hours in the DMV. So Jake had been there for about a half an hour at this point when I arrived with the pizza. And did he have a problem getting in?

No, I don't think so. I had no problem either. I didn't have to go through. There was security standing by both entrances, but they didn't stop me and ask me what my business was. So you were able to just walk right in. And the DMV in Glendale is not a huge DMV, but it was very crowded feeling. It always is. And there's a couple rows of those very uncomfortable chairs.

Plus, when you're there at that time, you're at 1 p.m. A lot of people are trying to hit the DMV on their lunch break. So I imagine that that's a busy time of day. And it was a real hub of activity. And then there's Jake sitting there. And as he's sitting, I believe now he's handing out slices of pizza to anyone who would like one. And he's sharing the pizza. And that's when he gets approached by the first of the security guards.

It's my birthday, though. And I'm next. So this is one security guard at first who comes up and says, you got to go. And he's like, why? And this is after a half an hour of sitting and drinking? And there are listeners? He had been there a half an hour. Yeah, I see a Blind Charlie's there.

There's a couple other people that are like, hey, what's up? They're just kind of monitoring from a distance. I wonder what they think about Blind Charlie being in the DMV. Well, that was a whole other issue because apparently he had been there, I think, long before Jake got there. Right? Was he there waiting around? He was there when I got there, yeah. Yeah, so I think he had spent most of the day there

because there was some concern as to what he was doing before Jake even arrived. So anyway, it escalated pretty quickly now. Okay. I'm here for this. And Jake is, by the way, in the middle of eating a piece of pizza during this too. Which problem? He's got that party hat.

Okay, all right. Why is it throwing up? Everyone's eating. We're all eating pizza at this point. Oh, what's the problem? But I am asking what is the violation that Jake is doing right now in the DMV? He has a cooler full of beer with him as well, but he doesn't have beers open. So it's just a cooler.

But is there like an actual rule on it? Now another security guard is entered. So now we have two security guards. But are they giving, it doesn't sound like they are giving him a reason. They're flanking him from both sides and they're saying, just grab your stuff. And now you've got Jake grabbing his balloon and his cooler and his dog. And the pizza box. And the pizza box.

I'm grabbing my stuff. I'm grabbing my stuff. Now serving at 410 at window number 6. Most people now are watching the spectacle that is unfolding. I wish the robot lady could wish him a happy birthday. I tried, actually. Really? They're waiting.

And now, you know, listen, at the DMV, you know, it's just the most boring wait of your life. It takes forever. Almost feels as long as that. But then when your number gets called, it feels like Christmas. Right. And Jake, by the way, did have a number. He was going to go up and you'll hear what happens in a moment because they do explain as they're throwing him out. So we have video that we're going to post now of Jake getting escorted out of the DMV by two security guards.

Both of them are on Jake. Now we're here. That was amazing. The best thing ever. Now I'm sitting around with, that's a listener, and Blind Charlie is there. There's some other people. And now we're just sitting in the DMV with no Jake. And now I'm thinking, I'm living Jake's punishment.

He's gone now. He's on the outside. And you guys are just sitting in the DMV like idiots. Just sitting in the DMV eating pizza. Now, this is Jake on the outside talking to security. Who is the lady? The manager? Yes.

Can I talk to the manager? What? Can I talk to the manager? Well, you tell your asking, but I can't hear you. All right. It's the violation. Oh, hold on. I'm going to go inside and do the thing.

He said no hat, no balloon. The issue they had with Jake, apparently, because this is my point, the DMV doesn't want anything fun. They're a big fan of no fun there. And their issue, they told Jake, is that it was because he was wearing a party hat and had a balloon. That was the violation? Happiness? It wasn't the giant pizza. It wasn't the alcohol.

It wasn't the cooler full of beer. In fact, he has a dog with him. They told Jake, because of his hat and his balloon, he was a distraction. A distraction. Well, he was, but he was a distraction for more than just that. And that's the only thing that the guy said his manager said you had to go, correct? Yeah, that's what she said. So, but can't he put the...

I'm coming up. Mm, okay. I'm B-155. I'm B-155. He's telling them he has to get back in there because they're going to call his number any minute now. He's B-155. Can't he get rid of the hat and the balloon and go back in? I did.

Oh, you did? So, he gets, basically, now is when he goes and talks to the manager. Now serving G218 at window number 12. Sounds good. It doesn't sound good. He's far away from V-Lift. So Jake has re-entered now, and he immediately goes up to the manager of the DMV. Hi there.

How you doing? Good. How can I help you? It's my birthday today. Now serving C-1-1-0-0-5 window number 12. I actually don't have any business here, but I lost a driving test. My forced punishment is to come to the DMV. It's been my birthday here.

Is there any kind of, like, extra celebration you can do for me? That's not the next question. Yeah, it really is not the next question. It's, can I please sit in here? Yeah, why can't I sit here and just keep to myself for five hours to serve my time? It's not, can you celebrate me? Well, that's part of the celebration. Let me hang out.

Let me find out. Give me a second. All right, thank you. Wow, how would you get in trouble? They told me you guys were coming here in the morning. So now what's happening here, Jake? There's another manager? This is, like, the real manager.

The first lady was just a lady who was working at the desk, who was, like, taking numbers. I asked, she went and got the manager, and she's explaining to me now that she got a heads up that we were doing this from, like, the head DMV person. What? The head DMV? They told me you guys were coming early in the morning. I'm sorry? They told me that you guys were coming early in the morning.

Oh, you heard on the radio that we're coming here? My boss. What? So she's the head DMV person. How many managers are there? It seems like it's just manager upon manager upon manager. You know, I bet when they say I would like to speak to the manager, they give you a fake manager first. Oh, they're all just, you play manager now?

Yes. Your boss heard? Well, we didn't come here until we got off. We weren't off until 11.30, and then I had to go home and change and feed her. I knew there was something funky about you guys. It's my birthday. Literally, my birthday is today. I knew there was something funky about you guys.

I mean, that's a smell on tape. She's not wrong. They told me I couldn't have it, so kick me out because of the balloon. You know, we were so worried about you trying to take you home and Uber you home and doing all this extra stuff for you. So then who kicked us out? You kicked us out? No. Hello.

We just wanted to know what was going on because we knew there was something weird going on. Well, security said I got kicked out by a manager. And then this goes on social media and then we get in trouble. Oh, you would? Yeah, because of OPA and we're not supposed to have media. Oh, what's OPA? The people that handle all that stuff. Now, sir.

What's OPA? a woman can't get any conversation going there because they're served for someone they serve they think everyone gives a hard time waiting around the dmv forever they are serving a lot of people they serve in the office of public affairs so now what what's happened here is jake is now speaking to the manager the manager and the manager manager so he's got three people there uh blind charlie has decided to come up to jake's defense and stand with him as well so this is the situation that i'm looking at and uh and And Jake's balloon and hat are outside the DMV because they've been confiscated by security.

Okay, they're just sitting outside? This is the scene. They're just sitting outside. Right here. Okay, all right, all right. Now, three, two, one. Could you tell me happy birthday over the comms? Oh, nice.

Happy birthday shout out on the live stream. We don't have to handle that. It's just a machine. Every time they push something, we don't have to. Got it, got it, got it. All right, so there's no kind of extra celebration I could do for like a five-minute thing or Is this a 30-second thing? No?

All right. Okay. Okay. Well, I appreciate it. So, Jake, you parted ways with the DMV managers, but Ali brings up an interesting point. At that point, you chose to leave? I couldn't stay anymore. But I don't understand.

It doesn't sound like they're making you leave. They're just making you not do birthday stuff. Well, yeah, but that's the whole thing. I had to spend my birthday there. Yeah, but you could have sat right back down in the chair for five hours. I don't think so, no. I wouldn't be able to take my stuff inside. Then you just sit there without your stuff.

Yeah, you put your stuff in the car and you sit in the DMV. I didn't have a car. What? I took an Uber there, man. I was going to get wasted. Oh, man. Okay, well, in my opinion, this was not accomplished. My opinion was.

No, you didn't spend four hours at the DMV, which was a pun. I went there. I spent numerous minutes there on my birthday. Numerous minutes is not four hours. You yourself would say this didn't count Yeah, Jake, you gotta go back, dude Doesn't count Thank you, Grover

Thank you Oh my, that's definitely, it didn't count It doesn't count, but I don't think so Yeah, Jake, just go back there, incognito, sit in the corner Do your time No pizza, no booze Oh, we tried Video and pictures up of the

Kerfuffle at the DMV It's all up on Instagram right now, the Klein Alley Show Enjoy it, it's ridiculous I did it.