Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Jake is Invited to Dinner

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. They're on.

Klein Alley Show. You don't want to miss a moment of the show because you could miss a moment like this. And now it's time for a moment with Kevin. This is a phase that psychologists are warning you to avoid if you want your relationship to stay together or at least be somewhat happy. Phase. Toxic phase. Psychologists warning couples to avoid this toxic phase. I'm not reading it right.

Phase. Toxic phrase. It is a toxic phrase. That was A Moment with Kevin. Something about this place makes you dumber. Every phrase is toxic at six in the morning. Jake's entering a phrase, excuse me, a phase in his relationship now. He's moving to the next level.

And I believe today, tonight, Jake, I believe, is the first time you've been invited to her place? No, first time I've been invited to her place for dinner. Clearly we listen. and um he's gonna make me dinner and that's a big step cooking for someone i mean you guys have already no standards for meals right but i mean you'll be happy with anything she serves right yeah but this is what's interesting is that uh jake said to us the good news is i don't have to bring anything because she said don't bring anything right but does it really mean don't bring anything and there are different scenarios here where if you're like hosting a group you

know and having a party and they say don't bring anything a lot of people still bring something but if you're one person do you still not bring anything i imagine jake's still gonna bring his cooler beer right over for himself for himself yeah and she tries to have one that's my yeah exactly because usually you said don't bring anything i brought it it's mine right if jake comes to things usually he does always bring something he just brings something for himself singles i remember that time i drove jake all the way up to big barrett he showed up with one can of soda for the car ride for himself. Didn't he also bring a sandwich?

A bagel for himself. Yeah, one bagel. Don't worry, I got a bagel. Oh, can I get the bagel? I'm hungry. Oh, that was my bagel. Oh, okay. It was my bagel.

Right, no, I know. But I mean, if I'm going to drive you to Big Bear, you would think, and you said, I'm going to bring a bagel and drinks. I didn't realize you were just telling me what you were bringing for yourself. Well, you sure made it more clear. When Rip Nasty was a thing,

Jake wouldn't share his beer with the guy whose house we were rehearsing at. Yeah, but that, dude, I didn't drink his beer. I drank my beer. Yeah, but he came up to your little ice chest, and he's like, oh, can I get one? And Jake's like, nah. Jake said no? He said no.

I was like, damn, bro, we're at his house rehearsing. You can't give him one beer. No wonder the band broke up. Someone says you don't have to bring anything, but they're making you dinner, even if it is just one person. You're not thinking about bringing anything, Jake? Flowers, a bottle of wine, nothing? Vanessa told me I should bring flowers. Yeah, he should definitely bring flowers.

Are you going to listen or no? Yeah, I think so. So does that mean you're stopping by the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and picking up a... I didn't even think about that. I know just the grave, Jake. I do this all the time. Flowers could be sus, though. You got to be careful, though.

You got to get the right flowers, not the two... Not the roses. Why? Is that too romantic? Oh, yeah, not roses. Yeah, but if Jake shows up with the carnations, that's like a real... That's like a cheap-out flower, too. That's when I roll up with whatever's on the Ramones' graves right now.

Great. They've got a lot of flowers this week. The Dolly Star and the Ramone. I mean, there's a lot of flowers just around. You can give her a bouquet. There are a bunch of free ones on Hollywood Boulevard. Dude, some of those are in vases, and they look nice. Say, I got this from Dolly Parton's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

I bet she'd actually like that. This is courtesy of Joey Ramone. Yeah. Jake, are you going to bring flowers? Because that is also, interestingly enough, I think that's another. You haven't done anything romantic in this relationship. This relationship has been strictly sexual so far. Yeah, pretty much.

Well, I mean, we hang out, and we do other stuff besides just baying. What else have you done? We've gone to some shows. We've gone to numerous concerts together. Right. The shows you would go to regardless, you just bring her along. Yes. Right.

And you're in a concert scenario where there's really not much talking happening. You're kind of just watching a show. Sure. I could imagine her being like, hey, let me ask you. Not during the time. This is the sixth musical guitar solo. He's noodling. Let him noodle.

He's noodling. Jake, does she try to talk to you during the show? Sometimes. Let's talk more noodley. Does that bother you? Honestly, no, not really. Yeah. Right.

But you haven't done a, have you done one activity yet that was an activity that was like. Purely social. Or something that you know that she would like more than you. I think she actually really enjoys the shows. She's a big like music fan too. And that's I think why we get along so well. Yeah, you guys like just going to shows and banging. You don't think.

You have those things in common. You don't have any sort of weird feeling that maybe you're being used for your access to tickets to shows because of this place? I don't think so, no. There's been numerous times I invite her out, and she'd be like, I can get my own ticket, and I already had tickets for us. So, do you think you really will go to a store to get flowers? Yeah, I haven't bought flowers for a girl in a long time, and I think, yeah, I think she's flower-worthy. Are you going grocery store flowers, then? Well, where else do you get flowers?

Side of road flowers are good. I like side of road flowers. Go to Trader Joe's. They're really good and cheap. Trader Joe's has good, cheap options. Also, I would maybe not shun away from Pick Your Own. Where? There's all sorts of weird stuff growing out of the streets here.

Yeah, totally. What kind of dinner is she making you tonight, or is it a surprise? No idea. She just asked if I was allergic to anything. Yeah, dietary restrictions. I said, hell no. But are you afraid if you eat something, it's going to light up your ass? No, I wasn't until just now.

Did you give her a light-up-your-ass list of things to avoid? I did not do that, no. I don't think that would be nice. Please avoid the following food groups because they light up my ass. All food groups. I'm just going to eat it and cross my fingers and hold whatever I have in my stomach until I leave her house. Are you nervous? Well, you said last time you spent the night you just held in like 12 hours worth of farts, right?

Oh, yeah. I got out of the house and, man, I propelled myself down the street. are you nervous that you're gonna have a real conversation without any distraction no i i think we we talk uh real easy yeah like the uh the reality is if you're going on a first few dates and you're at a movie or you're at a show ali's right you only need a minute here a minute there to be tolerable right you can just go right just control your head and go back to what's going on once you're sitting around at a table you got nothing to do but talk nothing but talkie time.

Hey, can I ask if you eat this meal and you don't really enjoy the meal, are you the type of guy that lies or would you tell her the truth?

Good question. Man, it depends on how bad it would have to be. It would have to be like terrible. Really? For me to say it was terrible.

I feel like Jake loves good food and just okay food. When Stephanie and Cindy when she brought in that trough of week old pasta, he ate all of it.

That's good stuff. That is true. He ate every single bite and there was ash, cigarette ash in there and stuff. I liked it. Yeah.

Jake will eats it I mean that's the thing I couldn't imagine it would be something that would be beneath his standard and if you're someone who's going to invite

someone over to cook for them I think you know you have to be you have to have a little confidence you know how to make one thing

I always tell you you know how to make one thing the amount of women I made gnocchi for that's so romantic because I thought it's going to be like

gnocchi I just learned there's one thing I knew how to make that's it one thing yeah but you know how to make a lot now I learn to make

other things get enough first dates yeah after you get to the second date like gnocchi again You're like, that's right. It's my one thing. I'm the gnocchi guy.

That's what I did. No means gnocchi. That's what we say on the date. So, Jake, I think it's going to be big for you tonight. I think this is a new step. And I will say my other piece of advice. I don't think you're much of a compliment guy. You're not ready to hand out compliments, but compliment her on something, you know,

whether it's her outfit or the dinner she made, something. Just say it's good. Usually, if you're like, hey, how do you like it? You'd be like, fine. It's fine. Yeah, no, I hear you. Did you pull down your dating app stuff now, or are you still live on the apps? I'm not, like, active on them at all, no.

But you're on there. I think so, but it's not like I'm not getting messages or I'm not messaging other people or anything like that. I'm not even checking it. And has she brought up or have you brought up the conversation about exclusivity again since you asked awkwardly after sex? Nope. I'm going to wait for a while because I don't want that to happen again. Good call. I think her inviting me over for dinner is a good sign.

Did you say, when she invited you, like, absolutely, I can be there wide open? Or did you do that thing we talked about where you're like, let me check. Maybe I can move some things around. I did think about doing what you said, and I just couldn't lie. I said, I would love that. That's what I said. I think being honest is nice. I think Jake's in love.

Yeah, I think Jake is definitely. Yeah, I think he really likes her. It's kind of weird, actually, to be honest. It's like I feel bad because it's so much funnier when... When he gets dumped? Yeah, yeah. When you're miserable It's so much better for us

Can you please just not be happy All those women you went out with That would give you those terrible scores on the exit interview It was so funny 951 said we should stop giving you relationship advice period And just let you do your thing 562 though has more advice for you If you're going to get flowers put them in a vase

Do not bring loose flowers And make the person trim the stems Find a vase, do all the water themselves Jake's not doing that Would you let Johnny sit outside the window of the kitchen and feed you lines tonight, like one of those old sitcoms where he gets to tell you what to say? I'm sure that would be terrible.

Well, come on. I'd be down to do that. You may need it. Give me a line, Johnny. Okay, let's say you walk in, compliment her on her hair, and say, oh, well, I see you took a lot of time in your hair today. It looks great. That's creepy.

That's a weird line. Well, what the hell? You put me on the spot. I'm not supposed to come up with a line on the spot. But that's how you're going to have to be. What the hell? In real life. But, Jake, in all seriousness, I think what this is, and the text line agrees, especially women, they're chiming in.

This is her, like, final, this is almost like the final interview. Yeah, 424 said an invite to dinner is a great sign. Yeah, because, oh, actually, it was last Friday. I took her and her friend out to a show, and we hung out afterwards. I got to, like, meet her friends and, like, converse and, like, hang out, and I thought that went well. But, Jake, I'm saying this is, like, this one is the, if this goes well, like, I think you're, it's couple time. Yeah, you did meet the friends already. That's interesting.

Met a friend, and then she's like, all right, bring him over. That's a huge step. So, I don't know. I mean, if this goes well, no pressure on you, because I know that makes your bowels explode and stuff. Well, now I'm starting to sweat already right now. Well, sorry we ruined it for you. It was nice while it lasted. I think you're going to be great, Jake.

909 said take some Imodium, plug yourself up before you go in there. Yeah, take a Gas-X, too, man. That'll help you. You can do that thing where you just shove a bunch of TP in your butt and just stop it up like a cork. I'm going to cork it? Yeah. Yeah. And then if...

And you'll be like, your hair looks great. That's how you worked on it. Yeah, Jake, I think it's going to go great. I'll just explode like a party favor. Tomorrow will be a great,

it'll be a great day to find out... Uncorking of Jake. Let me show you this trick I got. How this went tomorrow. Ta-da! There goes Jake.

All right, thanks.