Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Jake's Dating Update

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. 714 on the text line says,

I decided to take the day off today and listen to your show for my birthday. Happy birthday wheelchair. That's for you, 714. Thanks for listening to the show. It's getting funnier. Jake, as you know, was single for a while. Then he was in a relationship. Then he moved in with his girlfriend.

He finally gave up his bachelor pad. We threw him a bachelor paddy, which was a goodbye bachelor pad. Did none of us win? No. None of us went, but we did have the idea for The Bachelor. We threw it. We just didn't attend. Well, we gave him the concept of The Bachelor Patty.

Actually, I think that was my idea, too. Well, regardless. Didn't the place only fit, like, two people? No, you can't have, like, five. That place could hold five people. But anyway, he gave it up. He moved in with his girlfriend. It's a big moment in life, a big step to take.

And then immediately from moving in with that girl, things went south pretty quickly. In fact, I believe Jake said his anniversary of breaking up with her and being thrown out of her place is coming up so we're gonna see if you i didn't know people celebrated breakup aversary i think that that we should make that a big deal uh and i think that when that happens which i think he said is early september he should call her to wish her a happy breakup aversary because i don't think he ever took the real anniversary seriously so the idea that he would remember the exact day and uh anyway since then it's been a lot of single stuff a lot of dry spells finally after all of this he gave control of his dating apps to ali and vanessa they changed his pictures they changed

his hobbies they pretty much changed everything about jake and lo and behold he started getting swipes and he went through a period where he was getting no swipes and getting warned by the apps you're out of swipes please stop using the apps would lock up on him for 24 hour periods i know we changed every even his um outfit choices when he went on dates he wasn't making any improvement there we told him to wear some pants and some closed-toed shoes and that is the date that went the best and that's the girl he's still seeing and now here we are it's been a few weeks early relationship sure but uh they're at a point now where jake decided to try to take a pivotal step and i'm not talking about the sex step because you guys have had sex a few times right numerous

times right i mean numerous times last night right and you love the and that's all that part of it's good the conversation's good yeah she's the one who's a fan of tool supposedly that's her favorite band which is like to find a woman who's a fan of tool there's like one in a billion this is the I mean, really, it's everybody else's girlfriend that just goes to Tool because the guy wants to go. It's not because the girl really likes Tool. So just to find a girl that really likes Tool is definitely a one in a million. And would you say, Jake, that you have some very strong feelings? For her?

Yeah. Yeah, I do. And Jake had brought up this point that he was going to say some stupid thing about either I love you or something. He was going to do something like, let's follow each other on Instagram. which was a weird thing i think he did that already yeah we did that okay so it was last week and we tried to talk him out of the next thing and johnny specifically who is the riz master said to jake you got to slow your roll man you're gonna you're gonna freak this woman out or you're gonna do that thing where you seem too thirsty and desperate and she's gonna run away

and jake decided after listening to our advice for a while and getting him to this great place he has now gone away from our advice didn't johnny say keep it status quo just don't change anything things are going well why do you have to complicate it and jake what did you do last night well i mean i don't listen to johnny but last night oh yeah don't listen to me man i only have a good track record so far yeah and johnny has been giving you good advice this is one of those few things where we're actually not trying to sabotage each other like we usually do we're all looking out for you i care for you man thank you that seemed genuine what'd you do last night jake well after you know numerous times finishing i uh i first i asked her if she'd ever seen

army of darkness which probably wasn't the best intro to my question uh because you know there's that line they're like hey it's just pillow talk baby and uh i want to say i'm shaking my head so much already vanessa don't jump in in the middle of this story yeah we all know she would have jumped in we all know literally thinking it i know i know i know almost played it but she was thinking i got it so you're laying in bed you're having that post-sex conversation yeah and and you in the movie army of darkness she says sure and i'm like you know that line like is this uh this is something called pillow talk baby and she's like okay i go well this is not that and she's like what are you talking about oh no i said i've been thinking about it i was wondering

if you would like to be exclusive. Come on, dog. And she said... The back room seems to support your choice. The chicken coop is laughing at you back there. Dude. So what did she say? She said...

Hold on, I want to listen to what's happening in the back room. Hold on. They're having a good time. I like getting laughs, finally. Right. So you said, do you want to be exclusive?

And she said... That's how you said it? conversation right now? That's how you said it, Jake? Yes. You want to be exclusive? Would you like to be exclusive? Yes. You think she's banging someone else on the side? No, I don't, because first she said, you want to

have this conversation right now? I don't think we should have this conversation right now. And then she said, I can tell you I'm not seeing anybody else. And then that was about it. Well, that's it for that one. I mean, she still stayed the night. It's raps, bro. It's raps. Yeah, I agree with Johnny. I'm sorry,

But everything was going great and she wasn't seeing anybody else. So why did you have to push it? I mean, we stayed the night at each other's house numerous times now. Yeah, but how long has it been? Three weeks? It's getting there, yeah. Getting to three weeks. But this is exclusive.

I don't want. Remember that whole clickbait thing we did about how you're never supposed to say, like, yeah, I'm available Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays. Sure, anytime. Two, five, nine. Doesn't matter. I'm available. And you've got to make yourself seem a little bit more hard to get. i guess a little bit opposite of you this is like the you and you did that and you actually did that

and it worked for you one night she had to cancel on you and you said let me see if i can try to make the other thing work as opposed to absolutely i'll be there this is kind of that you went right back to it you became uh all right you slept over for the third time let's be exclusive became readily available and women don't like that they want like a chase sometimes sometimes you gotta like give her some sort of fun you kind of just gave her the whole video game with the cheat codes that's a great point and also you know even if she does like you there needs to be a little bit of wondering where is this leading does he like me the way the same way i like him does he want to be exclusive is he saying seeing anybody else she needs a little bit of time to wonder that

yeah she should think like on the night you guys aren't together that maybe you're out plowing someone else yes and remember when you said i think i'll make it work you know you did that whole trick that we told you and it worked she ended up coming out and seeing you when she tried to cancel on you. Originally, that was her canceling and then Jake said, well, I don't know

if I can do that maybe later. She's like, okay, I'll be there. See what you did? That's it working, man. You're going back on everything we've taught.

Vanessa's freaking out over there. I wanted to say, also, you might have scared her and then she's gonna self-sabotage. She's gonna switch

her script. Possibly. Whatever that means. You're done, dude. That's girl language for something. You're done, son. But what do I do

to fix it? Well, it was also terrible timing. I don't think girls appreciate being asked about stuff right after sex all you do too now just ghost her for like about a week or two no ghost her because then she's gonna start wondering be like what happened i thought he was so down for me did i do something to offend him or what happened what did i do she's gonna start internalizing

then she'll start coming and like knocking on your door again and hitting you up yeah i don't know about full ghost but i do think you should pump the brakes slightly i want to see her tomorrow night oh my god he's not learning vanessa what is this man i cannot do anything all right well good luck jake 213 said this is too much pressure it's a lot of pressure what's pressure are you gonna bring her to the kegger jake maybe i'm not sure nope you don't bring her to the kegger the answer is no yeah she's gonna ask about it you're gonna say sorry can't 323 preoccupied said that you're supposed to wait at least three months before asking somebody to be i mean that It seems soon.

We're not even at three weeks. I mean, at this rate, Jake's going to be proposing to her in a week. I proposed to her the first night. What? As soon as I knew she liked Tool. Oh, man. I mean, it was a joke, but... You were like, marry me.

Yeah, what did they give each other? Those stupid coins? Those stupid coins? Those Tool coins? They all exchanged their vows and their dumb coins. Yeah, what do you get? What do you have, that Tool coin you give people? Oh, I don't give them.

I collect them, though. I have three of them. Right. There's your mind, damn it. all right all right well listen i don't know what we love more than my tool coins i don't know what you've learned from any of this conversation but just don't don't do any of this stuff okay she doesn't listen to the show right i don't think so good three two three once yeah it wants to know um do you think that she like if she were to just be honest with herself do

Do you think she really, really likes you? Yeah, I think so. There's numerous signs, numerous messages, and yeah, I think so. Would you let us talk to her? Yeah, I'd let you talk to her. Like on the air? Sure. I don't know if she'll talk to you, but I will let you.

Well, if she talks to you, she'll talk to us. Yeah. You don't know that. It'd be a relief. All right. Give her a tool coin and she'll marry us. Maybe we'll give her a call after this break. Is she up now?

What does she do? I don't know, man. We wore each other out all night, so she might still be asleep. I'm sure she loves being talked about like that. Is it true? She's walking on the raw somewhere. We'll call the local urgent cares after this and try to track her down. All right, well, quick break.

News next. Oh, my God. You're a real catch, Jake. I don't know if anyone's told you that. 3-2-3 wants to know if your best man is going to be a cricket.