Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Jake's First Date Exit Interview

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you got to go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Right.

Okay, Rob, we are Klein Alley Show. Jake has successfully turned over his dating profile to Alley and Vanessa. They decided to get rid of every picture he had originally, put up different ones. Some of them were AI-generated, but for the most part, they were Jake. And they changed his answers to every question. Not so that it wouldn't be Jake anymore, but just to... Just to tweak things. Emphasize the things that maybe women would not be so turned off by.

And even though Jake has never officially thanked them for doing this, it has resulted in him getting multiple swipes, which up until they had taken over his dating profile, he was getting no swipes, so much so that he was told that he had to stop swiping because he had reached the limit, and he couldn't do it anymore. So he signed up, he went on Bumble, went on a few dating apps, and I believe that we're about to hear his third Bumble date. And I think this was over the course of one week.

Three dates in one week. He moved fast. And I think you've had second and third dates with some of these girls, right, Jake? Two second dates. And some of them have resulted in intimacy, correct? Yeah. So that's all good stuff. And this is the third date.

And you want to tell us all about this woman before we listen to the exit interview? What do you want me to know? Okay, forget it. I'll just play the interview. Wait, wait, wait. I do have a couple questions. Did you take her to the exact same bar that you took the other two girls to? I believe it.

Did you wear shorts? Yep. Oh, my God. So you changed nothing? Pretty much. So you're getting, like, real live feedback in the moment from the dates, and they're giving you these exit interviews to say, hey, by the way, the place was okay, your outfit sucked,

and then you would think most people would say, good, thanks for that information. I'm going to alter it for the next date. But not Jake, so here we go. Stubborn Jake, date number three, exit interview starts now. All right, my third Bumble date. Our first date from a scale. You said that right in front of her? Yeah.

You said my third Bumble date? She's standing right next to you? Didn't start with her name. She wanted to be anonymous. Okay, but did she know that you had been on three dates that week? Yeah. Just right then? No, I mean three dates in the last two weeks, I guess.

Just over a week and a half. But don't you understand how that would maybe make her feel? Like more of a number than a person? I don't know. Sucks to suck. Wow. I'm standing here with number 16. Hi, 16.

State your name because I forgot it. All right, my third Bumble date. Our first date, from a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate it? I'd give it an 8. Yeah? What? How is that possible? How is this possible?

She is, these girls are too nice. They are going to go home and talk to their girlfriends about how it was a 3. She says it's an 8, but if you listen to the different parts of the date as he breaks down, if you get an 8, you think that's like, okay, some things were a 10 and some things were a 6. It gets to an 8. But you don't hear anything higher. Listen to this. How come?

The conversation was great I learned a lot about DMT Oh no DMT Sorry What the hell was that? Did you get some? Is that an ACDC reference?

That triggered that song DMT Anyway That's not the song Are you singing a BTS song? She's saying TNT She's very confused D-M-T.

D-M-T. Vanessa is definitely. Did you have donuts today, Vanessa? No. Enjoyed my hard seltzer. Very cute dog. How do you feel about the place you met me at? Terrible.

Okay, so let's start with this. So once again, he's brought her back to his only sports bar he goes to. And you know what? When you are dating, wouldn't you agree, Klein, that you kind of feel things out when you're talking to the person? and maybe figure out what their vibe is and where they might like to go. The chances that all three of these girls want to go to the same bars, there's no chance. The first girl was a Dodgers fan.

It made perfect sense. There was a Dodgers game on. He said, let's meet at a low-pressure date because you've got the Dodger game to watch. It's made less sense ever since. Yeah, that one made sense. Every other date has made no sense. It makes perfect sense. How do you feel about the place you met me at?

Terrible. That sounds like it makes perfect sense based on what she said. It was four freeways away from my house, but all of my friends live in the neighborhood, so I was willing to make the drive because I could make it to her. So, basically, she was looking for a reason to see her friends that live near you and said, I will meet this guy and maybe he'll buy me dinner or something, right? Dude, you know she told her friends, too, if I text you, please rescue me. Right, and they're like, do you know where this is? Here's the address.

How would you rate my outfit? Do I need to rate your outfit respectfully? And so once again, she gave the date an eight, but already we're getting a terrible review for the location. And now we've moved on to outfit. And she says, do I need to even rate it respectfully? Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I would prefer to plead the fifth on this one.

But if I am required for science, I'm going to give it a four. Wow, that's generous. That is way better than the last day, which I think gave it a one. And you are in the same outfit. You got a sleeveless t-shirt and jean shorts? No, no, no. I had a very fancy tie-dye tank top. Oh.

And my evening jorts, the black ones, the nice ones. If I went on a date with someone wearing tie-dye, that says so much about the person. Sure does. Exactly. Sometimes I do. Yeah, but you want to ease people into the Jake. No, uh-uh. Oh, man.

The thing is, also, do you know when they do customer reviews, they're like, how was your experience? Help us improve. Right, right. The idea is that people read this feedback. They always say, we strive for five. Anything under five is a fail. Tell us what we could have done to have done it.

I can do five out of ten. And Jake's done nothing but less than ten and changed nothing about the experience. Yeah, he put on his evening shorts, Allie. Let's not forget that. True, you're right. Let's give him the wins where he gets them. Yeah? Why a four?

It's a tank top and shorts and flip-flops. Uh-huh. That's not a date outfit. Yeah, it's not. Well, she's right. Whatever! Sadly, she's right. And this is probably where Jake goes over the top and criticizes her outfit.

Oh, yeah? You think you're so fancy in your pants? I did. Oh, boy. You started crapping on her outfit? She's the same thing on. Every date. She's the same thing on.

Every date he's gone on. This is what ends up happening. They criticize his outfit. He asks for honest feedback. They're not asking for feedback, by the way. And you just didn't give. Uh-huh. That's not a date outfit.

How would you rate my smell? I haven't smelled you. I smelled your dog. Lies. And your dog smells like patchouli? Oh, man. That's good. This sounds like a terrible date through and through for this poor woman.

I mean, really, the only positive she said was the conversation about DMT. How could she have gotten to an eight? I'm just curious. DMT. Oh, there we go. There, Vanessa. There we go. Vanessa, calm down, Vanessa.

I can't believe you even thought of that song. She has a very incense-y vibe, more than a traditional canine scent. And how do you like that? It's non-traditional for a dog. Once again, I am perplexed as to how she got to the number 8 out of 10, if every score she's given has been a 4 or lower. Even, like, clean dog smell, like, that's a nice smell. The fact that he's able to overpower it. Right, with incense.

With incense. But I appreciated the change of pace. She's an innovator. Would you go on another date with me? Okay, what do you think, Allie? I know. Do you think so? Yeah, I think she's going to be nice and say, well, I'm open to it.

But I don't think she wants to. Vanessa, what's a great way a woman would say no without saying no to that question? How would you answer that? I'll text you later tonight. Anything's possible, yeah. Yeah, one of those things. So the question is... Depends on how desperate I get.

From what you've heard, Omar, do you think there's any way she says yes? No, I think this lady doesn't want to mess around. I think she's going to just flat out say, I don't think so. All right, here's the response. Will Jake get a second date? This is his first date exit interview. Would you go on another date with me? I don't think so.

It was an eight. There's a chance. Meaning no. And then we're going to fast forward to Jake going, it's a few hours later and we're in my shack. How do you feel about the date now? Would you go on another date with me? I don't think so. Because you do DMT

and I am a square. Wow. There you have it. She's definitely not a square. Well, Jake... I'm just too much of a prude. Have you spoken to that woman since or no? Sure haven't.

But the other dates have gone well? The second dates went well? Yeah. So are any of these you have feelings for? I don't have feelings for any of them yet, but they're nice people. Jake, would you be opposed to, on your next date, giving them one of the, I've never been intimate with Jake as a parting gift? Like, obviously, this is not going to go in the direction I was hoping. Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

At the very least, I will give you the shirt that says you've never been intimate with me. We'll give you a t-shirt cannon, too. Yeah, you can blast it out of them if they catch it, it's theirs to keep. I think that's a good way to end your dates with those limited edition I've never been into with Jake shirts. I think a bad first date parting gift is a great idea. Totally. That would actually put me on the verge of a second date if somebody gave me a free shirt. Like, hey, this didn't work out.

Like, yeah, that's funny. Yeah, here's the, right. Jake, grab some with you. Do you have any other dates lined up or no? Oh, I think he said he stopped paying for Bumble, so he's out now. Yeah, I'm on that, but I still have one tentative, one schedule, but we'll see. She might cancel. This is the one that you're meant for?

No, the magic lady? No, no, no. She still hasn't answered me. Jake, you know you posted over the weekend, you did a tarot card reading? Oh, yeah, yeah. And you know that someone, a listener, screenshotted your post and put it into ChatGPT and said, explain what this means. Do you know at all what your tarot card reading meant?

I mean, I got the reading. She told me what it meant. What did she tell you? I forget. I wasn't paying attention. Right. I'm glad all this feedback helps you. Well, it talks a lot about stubbornness and not being open to change and, you know, how

you... You say like that's a bad thing. It is a bad thing. I think in this particular case, when it comes to you getting feedback... People change. Now you're dope. Okay. You are a dope.

That is the birthday boy right there, folks. He'll be at the DMV today in Glendale celebrating. DMV. I'm dynamite, yeah. I said DMV. I said DMV. Oh, sorry. DMV.