Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Klein Goes to Old Navy

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Hey, Rob here at Klein Alley Show.

Consider this a cautionary tale. And I don't know, Allie, if you remember when you would go to school, did you get a new outfit for the first day of school before you were covered in lice and pinworms and paint and everything else? Never did that. I had to have a uniform. You had to wear a uniform. Oh, bougie.

And I always wanted to wear the boy version, which was the khaki shorts. Put on this plaid skirt. You're like, not for me. No, I put on the khaki shorts underneath my skirt. Any of you guys wear a first day of school, like, new outfit? Like, hey, new year, new me sort of thing? I don't remember getting that at all. I remember I always wanted to wear the same, like, shirt.

I was a big Lakers fan growing up. I just always wanted to wear a Lakers T-shirt. Isn't that what your daughter wants to do now? That's all she wants to do. Just like you. Terrible. But my wife convinced me yesterday, because today is the first day of school, that I needed to go get my girls back-to-school outfits.

I can't believe you waited until the day before. What a rookie move. The whole thing was, well, I didn't know what was going to fall on me to do. I just assumed it was done already. And you're right to assume that because, again, your wife is the one who knows everything about clothes. And she'll say to me all the time, like, you don't even know what shoe size they are. And I'm like, yeah, you're right. That's air department, baby.

I don't know, but I could give you a range somewhere between. I know they're snacks. Somewhere between toddler and, you know, 12-year-old. And shag, yeah. Somewhere in between there. I don't know what the number is, but it's somewhere there. I don't even know if you know what section you'd be shopping in. No.

But by the way, it doesn't matter. Just keep putting them on until they fit. Cinderella style. Eventually one of them is going to fit. You just stick every size. Yeah, you just bring them all out. One of them will fit. Just feel for the toe.

How can we possibly measure? I don't think you're able to put outfits together, though, is the other part. I'm not good at that. I don't know what goes together. I also don't take into account the weather. It's going to be a warm one today. I don't know any of that stuff, so I was the wrong guy for the job. Needless to say, fast forward, there I am at the mall, and we're walking by, and my kids see Old Navy, and they go, oh, oh, Dad, can we go to Old Navy?

And I go, great. This is the back-to-school store. You can get a whole outfit there for $4. So I'm on board with this one, big time. Yeah. And then when you walk out, they're like, you want to throw in a pair of flip-flops? A dollar. Great.

It's got the American flag all over it. Don't care. We're getting rid of our 4th of July stuff still, so you can load up. So they walk, and I don't know what I'm looking at. I just kind of stand there, and they go around, and they grab some things that they think look good, but they don't know. Sizes, I don't know sizes. And with your wife, I don't know if she lets them choose or if she chooses for them. No, she's gotten, no, she's realized, and I didn't know this.

She didn't give me this inside information. Don't let them choose because they're going to pick stuff that, A, is wrong, either doesn't fit. Or it's pajamas. Right, exactly. So she goes, I will pick out what they get, and then I'll just – they'll try it on. Usually she'll get it, buy it, bring it home. They'll try it on there, and then she'll just return all the stuff that they don't like or whatever. I didn't even know what kind of – I have no – I never even asked a question.

My kids put clothes on in the morning. I don't know where the clothes come from. I don't know where they got them from. I assume – I don't even – I never even thought about it really, to be honest. They just have clothes. I didn't even notice that they have clothes on. Yeah, sometimes they don't have them on. I don't know.

They've always had clothes on when they need to have clothes on, and that's – I just, I guess I took that for granted. Yeah, I know. And I never have to dress my kid in the morning because I'm never there either. So I get it. This took a turn pretty badly because Bruiser really was not a fan of anything and was getting really mad and angry and just wanted to be out of the trying on clothes. She wanted to go over to Foot Locker and look at sneakers because why wouldn't she?

She's cool. I don't know how she feels. Right. Rainbow flag flying. Right. Thanks. Loud and clear, Allie. Picking that up.

Well, if that's the case, it's because you're contagious. So stay away. The other one is a little fashionista, and she wants to try on everything. She finds this little skirt she likes, but the thing is too big, so she needs a smaller size. Now, Old Navy's like chaos. That's why the people that work there have to wear those earpieces like they're landing airplanes. Stuff's all over the place. I know they've got some shelves and whatnot, but it feels like everything's just kind of like—

There's no respect at Old Navy, no, especially because it's parents that are rummaging. Just rummaging through things. They throw it on the ground. Then when they're done, it's like they just leave it all over the dressing room, and then they leave the workers to pick up the shrapnel. So I go back, and I try to find this little skirt she's wearing in her size, and I can't find it. And then I get struck with a little genius, Allie. I see the mannequin, this little girl mannequin is wearing the skirt, and I say, let me go ahead and check the tag on the skirt. Maybe that's a small.

So now I look at the mannequin skirt, and lo and behold, even though the store tells me we don't have any smalls, I see it right there on the girl mannequin. so my kids are next to me i start taking the skirt off of the little girl mannequin and my daughter says what are you doing you're making her naked and i said it's okay this is the size we need and i basically undo the skirt off this kid mannequin you undress the girl yeah it's a mannequin it's not a real girl it's a mannequin girl i know but you're in a kid store well it's not you gotta at least you're making her naked yeah you gotta put new clothes on her at least i i pull the skirt down and then i can't you do it with your teeth no i didn't i did it with my hand slow i pull the skirt down off the mannequin and then i can't because the way they

have it propped up with the stupid boots on the mannequin and the legs i can't pull the skirt will not come out over the legs so now i have to take the shoes off the mannequin too i'm undressing this female mannequin because i basically need to re-bend a knee to get the skirt off you're now Oh, manhandling the mannequin. Yeah. And is it one of those things where you have to lift her off in order to get her shoes off? Right. Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out because I couldn't go up with the skirt.

That was my first thought. But the arms are also propped like this because she's holding some back to skirt. It's a whole setup. Can I ask for help? There's not a lot of help. There's people running around there, but they're not very helpful. Yeah, usually you would say, I want this one off the mannequin. Can you help me out?

I wouldn't just start. I'm now talking to my daughters, explaining why what I'm doing is okay. And my kids have gotten bored with it, apparently, because I don't see this, but they're now gone. They've left me. So now I am... Well, yeah, because you're an embarrassment. I'm now sitting there talking to, I think, my children, but they're gone.

So now I'm just talking to a mannequin as I'm undressing her. A child mannequin, by the way. Pulling the skirt down, saying, this is going to be your size. This is going to look good. And there's no... And now... Yeah, this is going to look good. Yeah, this is your size, because you are small, aren't you?

You're small. And I pull the whole skirt off, and now I've got... I'm taking one of the shoes off. I get down on hands and knees. I'm on my knees now because I have to get the mannequin high because I'm trying to prop the foot off the mannequin so I can pull the skirt off. How long is this taking?

I'm there for a good, at this point, five to seven minutes undressing the mannequin. And I'm talking to my kids behind me, but they're gone. I don't realize this. Meanwhile, another family has entered the equation and they're just apparently standing behind watching me undress and talk to this mannequin.

Yeah, well, and if this had been a mom, I feel like no one would have batted an eye. I would say my mom has probably done this before. Yeah, I'm a guy. I look like this, and now I have no kids even near me. Right, so you just look like a perv in the Old Navy. Yeah, just a weird guy undressing a mannequin. So all of a sudden, I guess the family gets freaked out by me,

and they call an Old Navy person that comes over, and they send two over because I guess apparently now I'm a problem. A gay guy and another gay guy? No, it was like a burly woman and another burly woman. And they come by, and they say, excuse me, can we help you? And I said, I'm just trying to take the clothes off this mannequin. And they said, we don't do that here. And I said, well, listen, my daughters, and of course, I look around, they're gone now.

I'm pointing, waving to where my kids were. I don't know where they are now in this store. Apparently, they sell snacks now at Old Navy. They do? Yeah, they're over there in the snack section. And I say, my daughter needed a small. They didn't have any smalls. I noticed this mannequin lady's wearing a small, so I'm ripping it off.

And they said, we can't sell you the skirt off the mannequin. What? Why? They just don't do it. They said it was made for the mannequin. Made for the mannequin? Yeah, and they said, can you please dress her and then step away, pretty much is what they said. So I had to slowly pull the skirt back up, put the shoe back on, button her, and then walk back as a family. And these two employees were looking at me.

You got rejected by a man. And I go, let's go, kids. We're out of here. I've been dishonorably discharged from the old man. Oh, so you couldn't get, in the end, you couldn't even get the skirt. No, I couldn't get the skirt. Wow. And everyone thinks I'm a weirdo that undresses girl mannequins at the mall for my own pleasure.

Well, you are. But I had a purpose there. So I came back with. Did your kids ever show up again? Yeah, they were at the snack thing. They said, can we get some of these? Right, but when you were saying this is for my daughter. No, I said, but when I left and the woman kind of walked, they did that thing where

they kind of escorted me out of the store. Like they wanted to make sure they walked out with me, you know. So you bought nothing. No, why would I? No, I wouldn't buy anything. I couldn't find the thing I needed. I said I would have bought this skirt for $4, but sadly, I couldn't get off your mannequin. And then, you know, that's it.

So they walked me out. And then when I finally showed them that I had daughters, I was like, aha, see? There they are. They're with me. I told you I'm not a perv. And that's it. So I don't think I'll be going back there ever again. Man.

So back to school, big success. You know, 5'6", 2'6", Klein, don't worry. I've done the same. But I actually took the legs off of the mannequin. And it was a mess. I would have taken the legs off of it. I mean, I almost laid her down and started ripping parts off. But luckily they came and they stopped me in the process.

So I'm just warning. Did it look childlike? Yes. What are you talking about? Did it look childlike? Yes, it's a child mannequin. Well, sometimes they have those mannequins that just have like a spike for a head. No, no, no.

This was definitely a child. This mannequin was wearing a backpack. It was a child mannequin. Okay, Allie? Looked good on her. Okay, I didn't say that.