Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Klein Helps a Homeless man

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Yesterday, you guys gave me a hard time because I was disappointed that no one wished me a happy half birthday, also known as a halfie birthday.

You of all people should hate the concept of a halfie birthday. I think it's funny. Okay. I think it's better than a real birthday, and you guys challenged me. Off the air, your wife said she was going to get you some Randy Donuts. I don't think that made it onto the air. Was she serious about it, or did she forget? No, no, there were donuts when I got home.

Really? Yeah, the crondont. Whoa. A really good one I like. Oh, those ones that you eat like five of? The half croissant, half donut. So she didn't forget. She remembered.

She didn't forget. Or she ordered them pretty quickly. Yeah, or, right. Yeah, I don't know what happened. By the time I got home, I said, where are those donuts you claimed you have? Expecting exactly what you expected, Omar, that you would say, oh, I was just kidding or whatever. And she pulls out this bag of two donuts, crondonts.

And I said, wow, that's so excessive. But I ate them both. So your happy birthday present was two crondons? You don't have to do a present for half birthdays. It's just nice to be acknowledged. And you guys said yesterday that why don't I go to a coffee place or why don't I go to a sandwich shop? Well, there were a few places that offer deals for half birthdays. This is what somebody texted in.

There's, I think, a Cheesecake Factory and Yogurtland. I think a few others. So I went in and attempted to drop the half-birthday card to see if it was valued in the real world. I know you guys don't care about it here, but why not? Let's go ahead and start bringing that back to popularity again. Well, if you can get money off, then hey, I'm a fan. Whatever you can do to get a couple of bucks. This was me walking into a Starbucks to try to let them know it was my half-birthday.

And it does sound pathetic. Well, they do give you a free coffee, a free beverage of your choice on your birthday. So I would imagine that on your half birthday, they could give you 50% off. On my way in, I get accosted by a homeless man who is hoping that I can give him. Hey, it's my half birthday. Can I get you a little small cup of coffee, please? Yeah, I'll get you a small cup of coffee. You just want a black cup of coffee?

I don't have that. You want a cup of coffee or no? Yeah, a little small cup. All right, so first I'm walking in and the guy says, hey. Why didn't you give him a job, dude? He says, can you get me a cup of coffee? And I said, sure. And then he goes, actually, what I really need is a job.

And I said, I don't have that. Dude, you work in radio. We could always use a homeless guy. You got Johnny here. Yeah, that's a good point. That's how I found Johnny, too. Same exact way. So I said, listen, do you want the coffee or not?

And he did want the coffee. Because a lot of times they say, can you help me get a cup of coffee? Really, what they want is the money. I wonder if he had offered him a job. He's like, you know what I really want? There's a horse. It just keeps going up. If you give a homeless man a cup of coffee, he's going to want a job.

I'm walking in, and now I'm already on the hook for this guy's cup of coffee. That was a homeless man beating me as I walked in. Oh, I thought he was shooting at you. Yeah, no, that's when I opened the door to the Starbucks. How you doing? Hi, how are you? Not too bad, how are you? I'm good.

Today's my half birthday. Hey, happy half birthday. Hey, do you celebrate that here at Starbucks? Just regular birthday. Ah. So, right away, I say... Did he give you, like, a slap? Like, a, hey, man?

It sounded like there was some kind of a handshake happening. I reached my hand out. He did not shake it. And instead, he kind of high-fived the counter. Oh, I see. He's like, whoa, my man. Yeah, so I said, it's my half-birthday. Do you guys celebrate those?

And he says, we only celebrate actual birthdays or something like that. So, already, I was shocked. Just regular birthday. I'm going to get a large iced coffee with protein foam. Oh, my God. Protein foam. You got to add protein. Stupid.

You got to feed the neck, Allie. You got to feed the neck. It has plenty to eat. I thought you were off of it. When summer started, I thought you were off of it. I know. I need to wean off the protein. I can't go cold turkey off the protein.

Don't these fitness guys, they like bulk up and then they do some kind of a calorie cut? Yeah, not me. Okay. I'm not calorie cutting. The opposite. I'm not doing it. You're just going to keep going. We can keep going until I explode.

I'm going to buy that man out there a small cup of coffee. Does he want cream and sugar? So now I'm trying to do a nice thing, and this is the problem. I can't do nice things without it becoming a hassle. I say, I'd like to buy that man out there a cup of coffee. And then she says, does he want cream and sugar? Now I'm inside. This guy's standing outside pacing around.

I don't know what the guy's called. So you have to go outside. So now I have to walk back outside. You should have just get him some protein foam. That guy probably could have used it, to be honest. And now I've got to walk back outside just to go. And I'm holding up a line of people behind me, too, that have already heard me do the whole half-birthday thing. So they're not happy.

And they're like this guy. And now I've got to go out. And this homeless guy that's probably asked every single person that showed up there, hey, give me something, give me something. And I'm the sucker that decided to get him a coffee. Does he want green and sugar? He didn't say, but. This music is so loud. It's so loud in there, I know.

not a lot of half birthday celebrations here huh so i'm now trying to bring it back to the reason i'm there which is to see if i get any sort of a hookup for being in the half birthday they have yet to charge me yet so i'm thinking maybe before they ring it up did you also try and plant the fact that you're buying somebody else a coffee like to try and gain their sympathy or their good graces i didn't think about that i wasn't that calculated but it would have been a nice If I'm the barista and I go, this guy just bought a homeless guy a coffee and it's his half birthday, maybe you give him a little something something, you know? He's both a good saint and a man who celebrates. Not a lot of half birthday celebrations here, huh?

No one cares? Just regular birthdays. Regular birthdays only? I feel like the half birthday is very underrated, you know? Turn the music up louder. He decided to put the music up louder. Trying to drown you out. He said to me, are you planning on celebrating all weekend long, is what he said.

Oh, no. Not a whole weekend thing. Just the day. Just the day. I got charged full price, Allie. Full price for my coffee and full price for the homeless man's coffee as well. Now, yesterday was a special day in my house. It was my cat's sweet 16th birthday.

Now, should I go to Starbucks? Yes. Yes, you should. You should. Go right back to that same person and tell them that exact thing. same person in line just go I don't know if you guys

do anything for Kat's 16th birthday which I also made up because I don't know her real birthday right so once again just to show you we do the stupid things

on the show that we say we'll do a waste of everyone's time but apparently you guys are right did that guy enjoy his coffee no as soon as I gave him the coffee

he said what I really he said what I really want is something to eat and then I felt terrible because I thought well dude I'm not going to get back in that line then why did he start

with a cup of coffee Just say, I want some egg bites or I want to. Yeah, I know. And I would have done all that, but whatever. We move on now. We come back in a moment. ADD News is next on KROQ.