Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Klein's Kegger

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Temper City, KROQ.

It's called Self-Aware. We're Klein Alley Show. If you need us, 800-520-1067. If your name is currently on a standby boarding list here at KROQ, and you're probably getting a bunch of spam emails because we've sold your information. That's our plan. We will be calling one of you in, I don't know, less than 30 minutes and announce the good news.

We'll be packing your bags and heading to J.K. Nee's in Atlanta. So if you're sitting around waiting for that phone call and you get a block number, restricted number, or it says possible spam, I recommend you answer because it could be us, but it's probably someone trying to sell you a solar. Regardless, we'll make that call a little bit later this morning. Allie, I just wanted you to know there's been a lot of great feedback about you weighing your boobs on the show.

This guy wants to know that you made him feel something. Oh, no. I'm not going to lie. There was just a little movement down there when you guys talked about weighing Allie's pregnancy boobs. So, thanks for that. That video is close to 100,000 now on Klein Alley Show. Even though she's inside of the tent of consent to hide her shame,

people still liked watching you go in there and weighing your pregnancy boobs. And now we will make sure next trimester to give them another weigh. That seems pretty important. Yeah, and again, I just don't know how accurate it really was. But it is pretty incredible that the discrepancy between right and left was about a half pound. Yeah, the wonk is real. I mean, 20 ounces compared to 13 ounces on the left? Pretty insane.

I mean, most of these calls we got a lot over the weekend are about this. Oh, my gosh. I'm calling, dude, about when Allie was weighing her upper deckers. And the first one she plopped down on there, it's about 20 ounces. So I said, how many pounds is that? She goes, it's about a pound and a half. Oh, my God. Come on, man.

I mean, that's, like, not even close. You're off by four ounces, dude. That's not that many. Anyways, you got about five hamburgers on that one boobie. So there you go. Now we know how to give the profit. We should have measured in hamburgers. We should have measured in hamburgers.

We'll know better for next time. What a missed opportunity. A lot of great suggestions. We've listened to them all, even though they're not all going to make it onto the air. I think we need to do the Indiana Jones idea next time. Well, there's concern, Allie, on Friday, because Friday is going to be our backyard kegger slash pool party. And there's concern whether or not you are going to, you know, want to go European style because, you know, you've got these big pregnancy boobs now. Oh, that I should just have them out?

Well, there's a lot of concern about that. From you? From the neighbors, mostly. I mean, it's your backyard. But listen, I mean, it's my backyard, so it's like international waters. I was going to go reverse European, where I just wear no bottoms. Oh, God. That's terrible.

I'll just wear only a top. I've got to get that filter fixed in my pool. I'm going 70s style down there, too. I want you to know that my wife has lost a lot of... Respect for you? She's laid down some rules, which I don't know if we can even... Lame! Well, when she heard that Jake wanted to bring a plus one, that's where it started.

Now, I will say, Friday is part of our funner summer guarantee. we've decided that we haven't done anything outside of the show together this summer. And the plan was for Omar's birthday on Friday. What better way could we celebrate than by having a pool party that Omar doesn't go to? And so that's exactly what we're going to actually do have a cake being made. That's a happy birthday Omar cake. Oh, we do? Yeah, we're going to put it in front of an empty chair and let it melt in the sun.

But the best part about it. Well, I want to eat it. Okay, Ali can eat it. I'm hungry. But, you know, we did have some rules, and now I think listeners are confused because a lot of people were DMing me over the weekend, including some of our favorites, like the Bud Light Bros and Suave Agave. Yeah, they're my plus one.

And they're going, let me know the details for the pool party. They're going to be in shakes. It counts as one. And I just said to my wife, because she works from home, and I said, hey, Friday, I just want you to know it could get a little rowdy in the backyard because I'm having a bunch of people over after work for a pool party. And she goes, what do you mean a bunch of people? I thought it was just the show.

And I said, well, yeah, it's the show. And then some other people. And I think the keg guy, Vanessa said the keg guys, they want to come and hang too. They want to bring the keg and also hang out. They sent her some emails. Well, if you provide a free keg, you should be able to hang out for a little bit. Right. And then Suave Agave said he wants to come and sit up at the tequila bar.

Great. And hang out too. And then what about food? What are we doing? Is Johnny's uncle coming? Johnny, is your uncle going to do carne asada or tri-tip or something? Because if not, I have a backup plan for that as well, but that would also involve more people. Yeah, let me double clarify with him right now.

When you mean double clarify, you mean ask him for the first time? I got to double clarify because I don't know if he's working that day or not. He's like on call. Is it true or false that you've not asked yet? I have not asked him yet. Right. Okay, thank you. Double clarify means ask him for the first time.

Single clarify. But he offered already, so he was already down in the first place. Right. He understands the concept of it. So now she's trying to tell me there's certain rules to this thing. What are the rules? They're not, it's going to make it unfun. So I.

What are the rules? I'm going to pretend I haven't heard them. Are you going to make the house off limits? Well, that was, that was mentioned. Oh my God. So what are we supposed to pee in a bush? No, no, there's a, there's a bucket. Are you going to get a portage on?

I may get a, there's a guy doing construction across the street. I think the porta potty's open. It doesn't have the bad lock on it? It's a lock, but you can just pull down and it opens. So there's a few things that I just want to make sure. This is basically, you know what we should do? We should just rent someone's pool. No, no, no.

Because your house is not going to be fun. I'm going to make it fun. Here's the one rule I have, though, because there is an interesting controversy brewing that Jake pretends pools are lame and for children because he doesn't know how to swim. Oh, my God. And I will make sure that this is a fun or summer pool party, but you have to do a one swimming lap race against Pregnant Alley to see if you can beat a pregnant woman swimming a lap.

Crush Alley. No, you can't. I just don't want to swim in a pool. It's gross. Jake, I don't think you can. I float a river every goddamn year. That's floating. Yeah, do we need to have a lifeguard on standby, Jake, for you?

You know what? Yes, please. That'd be cool. All right, that's another invite. God damn it. No, no, I used to actually do lifeguarding. I could save Jake. No, no, no.

We need a stand, though. Jake, would you really battle Allie in a lap race? Sure, I'll crush her. You can swim that well? Yes. You don't think it's George who's going to weigh him down when those things get wet? I'll bring boy shorts.

They get like 7,000 pounds. I got 10 bucks on Jake. No way. $10 right now. Do you remember what happened when we all raced at SoFi Stadium? Yeah, he pulled a hammy in like three seconds. He finished last place in the race because he hurt his little hip. But that was on land, though.

He won't get hurt in the water. He might be more agile. Yeah, but he might crap himself. See, that's the other thing. He might poop in your pool, Clyde. I know. Well, between Jake and Vanessa now, it's like the whole thing. I've already got a guy scheduled to come clean the thing out on Saturday.

Because I'm convinced you guys are going to make it unsanitary. Well, now this just seems like we're an inconvenience, so I don't want to go. I think I'm going to tap out. I still want to go. So now it's just you and Jake. This is my concern, is that you're going to tap out, and Omar's already tapped out. It doesn't seem like your wife wants to do it. It doesn't seem like you really want to deal with it either.

I told her she should go work somewhere else that day, like at the library. Are your kids going to be there? No, they're in school. They're back in school. Thank God. Why doesn't she go work at a coffee shop like the rest of L.A.? Yeah, I said that. I said, listen, there's a solvable problem here.

Just go work elsewhere that day. Isn't her office just her phone? Yeah, she needs her phone and she needs the Internet. So there you go. There's a million places where she can do that. So here's the real question then, because I'm afraid this is going to turn into a Project X situation, where Jake to try to be funny

invites a bunch of people and then all of a sudden it gets... Well, that would be better than what's happening. It would not be better. You think it would be better, Allie. It would be better. It sounds like the picture you're painting is a few of us hanging out in your backyard

on your lava hot turf. It's very hot. The hottest this weekend. Burned my foot. With maybe a carne asada guy. Well, double confirmed. We can't go in the house. there's going to be a keg which I can't take advantage of you'll have access to the house

and Vanessa will have access to the house so it's girls only inside and me and me so only Jake can't go in the house to know Jake's a loud house situation but that's okay Jake because we got

also the party has to be strictly from noon until 2 on Friday is noon until 2 a problem I mean, I guess technically not, but it doesn't sound very fun. Yeah, it won't be. Why isn't it at night? I thought that everyone wanted to do it right after work.

I thought that was the idea. It's going to be the hottest then. The valley could be 110 degrees there. Let's just say noon till question mark. Yeah, I like question marks. That's fine. The question mark, I'm just going to let you guys know. Is 2.

Mystery solved, 2 p.m. Get out. The question mark means 2 p.m. And then are your kids going to be there? No, they're going to be at school. But that's what happens after two is that we run the risk that, you know, they start to make their way home. So I don't want that at all. I can't have them see this.

They know about it. They'd probably beat Jake in the lap race. They're very excited. Jake, would you swim against one of my kids? I'd crush your kids. See, I think Jake, we're going to learn, is not a good swimmer. And that's why he hates the pool so much. Not a strong swimmer, not a good swimmer.

So you think that you're just this amazing swimmer who never goes in the pool because it's for kids? Pools are for kids. I only swim in fresh water. What is fresh water? That's not the ocean. The ocean is salt water. This is where Jake goes weird because he thinks he's... This is the conversation you can look forward to in your backyard.

So we just had some loud music to drown out all this conversation. To drown out everything that we're talking about. But it is on. I just want you to know because I know Vanessa was concerned it wasn't on. Vanessa, it is on for Friday. All right. I just wanted confirmation from you because you sound a little bit like, my wife doesn't want to do this.

I don't care. You can tell when someone doesn't really want the thing to happen. Why don't we just do it at Omar's? Omar can do a really good party. Yes! Omar, would you like us to... It's my birthday that day. Would you like us to bring your birthday party to you?

I'm okay with that. You're okay? Like, you're good? You don't want that? Alright, guys, we're gonna switch the location to question mark, question mark, and it's gonna be... No, it's gonna be... There's no way you guys would drive all the way out of here. For a better party. It's not going to be a better party.

Yes, it would be. No, no. Omar, no, there's three ways right now you would make this party way better than what you're hearing now. Oh, just drugs. I would supply drugs. Oh, okay. I have penicillin. I have a happy pen.

What do you guys need? You got a peanut problem? I got you. I'm going to make it. It's going to be good. Don't worry. The party's going to be good. I need to figure out.

I was thinking about some entertainment as well. That's all I'm saying. Like girls? Ooh, like a magician? Oh, my God. I'm flying, flying now.