Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Klein's Kids Hate Him

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

New episode of Klein Alley Show is about to begin, but before that can happen, Alley, let's tell the people what they need to know. You mean about San Bernardino International Airport? Of course I'm talking about the San Bernardino International Airport. Easy, close, and not LAX. And parking is always just five bucks a day, which means it is El Cheapo approved. Fly nonstop to Provo, Utah for all the skiing, snowboarding, or wives you can handle. And of course you can fly into my hometown of San Francisco, San Bernardino International Airport, when airports smell great. how the tables have turned and i don't like it at all uh it's k-rock we're klein alley show if you're new to the show perhaps you haven't heard a little segment we do occasionally called klein's

kids hate him it's got a catchy theme song that omar made that makes my youngest daughter cry whenever she hears it because she wants everyone to know that she doesn't hate me and she doesn't like omar now because of the song boy she hates omar whenever omar comes up in conversation she goes that's the man who wrote the mean song about you i'm scared he's scared yeah you don't you You don't want to get on Bruiser's bad side. Yeah, I know. And, yes, the reason four clients' kids hate him is usually me pulling some sort of prank on the kids, either telling them that Halloween is being replaced by salad night,

or most recently when I said that I was offered a giant bag of squishies and I turned them down. You know, I got given at work, like, a bag of squishies, a blue duck and butter and dumpling and all, but I didn't even bring them home. What? Olivia, I get the blue duck and butter. You know why? No, he didn't even say he... Dad, why would you do that? It's usually them getting mad at me for something that I've completely made up.

A situation that... Things are calm. Occasionally, things are, believe it or not, calm in my house. No one doesn't ever sound that way. And then I take those calm moments to decide to make my life a lot more complicated by creating a hypothetical situation like this and then getting them angry at me. You want to pull the rug from underneath them before they get too comfortable.

And it was funny for a while because we all had a good laugh on the show about it And, well, people enjoyed hearing my kids get upset. And your kid will enjoy hearing this. Clines' kids hate him. Shut up! Clines' kids hate him. Stupid man! Clines' kids hate him, cause he's a bad dad.

It's not okay. I'm kissed, you blow. Clines' kids hate him. Bad boy. Clines' kids hate him. Dad! Clines' kids hate him, cause he's a bad dad. What?

I want to do this on your radio. I do not want to do this anymore on your radio. You are crazy, Dad. What are the many times you've made your kids cry? Just some of them. I mean, that's not even, that just scratches the surface. But I'll tell you what, I don't know if I should be proud or upset. I got pranked by my kids, and I'm actually mad about it more than anything else. They go to a camp now, for this week at least, where they have to take a bus. And the bus picks them up.

Is this a fun camp or like one of those other camps? It's a fat camp. No, no, it's a fun camp. It's a fun camp. Where they hit them? It's a fun camp. It's a scared straight situation. Oh, cool.

And they get picked up, and then the bus is supposed to drop them off, not at the house, but at a park near the house. And it comes in. It's supposed to get there around 4, but with L.A. traffic, that could mean 4.30. That could mean 5. You never know, necessarily. Oh, and buses take, like, twice as long to get everywhere. Right.

And so what I decided to do was try to hide air tags so I could get a sense of when they're going to be there. Because the last thing I want to do is sit around and make small talk with other parents. So I just, I want to know when the bus is getting there so I can be there to get them. Because I'm a good dad. Regardless of that song, Klein is a good dad. So he likes to be there to pick the kids up at the bus. Not catchy. Not nearly as catchy.

What's wrong with you? But my wife decided that last year I tried to do the same thing. And the air tags immediately, the first day, fell out of the bag and were of no help to us. I think I put it in one of the kids' shoes, and they lost a shoe. And then I put it in the backpack, and they left their backpack at camp. So there was no way to track the bus. So this year she decided. That's a terrible place to put an air tag, by the way.

I don't know. On a kid's shoe? Yeah. They're taking their shoes off all the time, I bet. I know, but I saw some video that said cut a little hole and put it in their shoe because they have to have their shoes on. I didn't think the kid would come home with those shoes on. Boy, was I wrong about that. Okay.

So this year she decided we're going to go ahead and we're going to activate an old Apple Watch we have that doesn't do anything other than it's like you can track it and she can text and say like on the bus or whatever. Right, where you can like program it so there's only two contacts or something. Yeah, so I'm one of the contacts. My wife's one of the contacts. And this local neighbor that likes kids is one. No. Nice.

Just the two of us. And so I, this is yesterday, and I, or two days ago, I'm at home. I have one hour window of mine to relax after we get done with the radio show and all the meetings and everything else we do. And then I have an hour before I usually have to go get the bus. And I'm going, I do the thing, I walk in the door, I take my pants off. I'm feeling great, pants are off now. Walking around, shirt on still, Donald Duck in it, no pants.

Opposite of yesterday morning, you had pants and no shirt. I go and I sit down on the toilet because this is my time now. I'm going to catch up on all the great content the internet has to offer. Maybe haven't decided yet if I'm going to take care of myself or if I'm going to go number two. Yes, you have. Probably going to do both. And I get this text from my kid and she says, where are you, dad? We're here and you're the only parent who didn't come for pickup.

Oh, no. So I look, I think to myself. That feeling sucks. It sucks. And I think to myself, hold on one second. I go, there's no way the bus, the camp just ended. The camp just ended. There's no way the bus could have made it in five minutes.

Does the summer camp have minimum days too? But I don't know the schedule. And I'm like, okay, hold on. I'll be right there. And I jump up and throw pants on and race out to my car and drive to the park. And I'm, you know, zigging and zagging and making rights on red. But then you turning it and going through and doing it. And I get to the thing and I'm all panicked.

and my wife's calling me and I assume she's calling me to say the same thing like where are you so I'm just not answering her call at all because you don't want to make it obvious that you screwed up so I get all the way there and then I'm and then I'm there and I'm texting I go I'm here where are you and she goes oh we haven't even left

camp yet ha ha just kidding and I go and I got so mad that's not amazing that's great You should be proud, man. Yes, dude. You have trained your kids to be this way. I'm not great.

You have pulled so many pranks on them. What do you expect from them? I said that having an Apple Watch is a big responsibility. Oh, my God. You've completely ruined this responsibility now. You can't be all Mr. Serious. That's not okay. This is a big responsibility.

I mean, I was there. I mean, it was the me getting my pants down, rushing out, and then getting there. Like, chaos. Because I go, oh, my God, she's sitting on a bus waiting for me. and every other parent has gone and picked up their kids. So not one part of you had a sense of humor about this?

No. I was angry. I'm so mad about it. Now I understand. Don't dish it if you can't take it, okay? I'm making a song. Don't prank people

if you don't want to be pranked. Omar, I'm writing a song, Klein Hates His Kids. Klein Hates His Kids. Stupid kids. Oh, man. I'm going to start working on it. Okay, stupidos.

You stupidos. I'll get that. I'll be working on that. Okay, good. So it's like weird. But the answer is yes, I'm proud a little bit. You have to be.

But it's much more fun to be on the other end of a prank. Of course. It's K. Rock Klein, out of the show.