Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Klein's Kid's Problematic Drawings

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. This is a bad situation.

I mean, and I blame myself for getting in this situation, but now I'm in pretty deep. And so there's no right answer. I mean, I'll just go into it by saying I know there's not like a solution. Is this about your neck again? Not about my neck. Because you're right, there is no solution. Not about my neck. Although...

I feel like it got bigger. A lot of comments about it. It got bigger and so did you. A lot of... I think Allie and I could be going pound for pound during this entire... While you get pregnant... How many pounds have you put on since you got pregnant? Six.

I am destroying you. Right now, I'm way in the lead. I put on like 20 pounds. Well, you've put on 20 pounds, though, since you've had a longer period of time to gain weight. Yeah, but most of it, I didn't think it would all go to my neck. I thought it spread itself out a little bit. You think over the last nine weeks? I think I put on 20 pounds of neck weight.

I do. I really do. I mean, that shirt is just struggling. Everything is struggling. I don't know what's happening. Just stop. I know. Someone wrote me, like, a real heartfelt message on the Instagram over the break,

and they were like, all kidding aside, because there was a lot of comments about my... I posted some picture of me and Will Ferrell at this thing I was at, and everyone was like, all kidding aside, you know, there was a lot of neck comments. I can't see Will over your neck, and da-da-da-da-da, Netflix. I was at an event for Netflix, and someone kept calling it Netflix. Anyway, you guys are very funny, and then someone said, all kidding aside, this is whatever is happening to you. It's weird, and stop it immediately, and you look like you're about to explode.

Yeah, it's strange looking. You look like you're in front of another plant. I'm going to cut back. I'm going to cut back on all the protein. It's too much. It's too much. I agree. It's too much.

Or just stop working out for like a week. Just take a week off. I'd love to. Listen, I'm planning on letting myself go again. And I've been, once again, I fell in love with pizza again this past week. And it was way too much of that. So, it's just a perfect storm of bad. Okay, but this has nothing to do with your neck.

This has nothing to do with my neck. Well, everything kind of has to do with my neck these days. It all comes back to the neck. There's a restaurant near where I live, and like a lot of restaurants, if you show up with kids, they just give you a bunch of crayons. And they say, have at it. Here's a paper placemat, have at it. There's always four, four crayons. Four crayons.

Sometimes they're all different shades of the same stupid color. There's nothing the kids really want there, but it keeps them busy still. It's a word search in a maze. And I'm actually surprised at the power of crayons. You know, they're not in good shape, but for some reason, they still keep the kids occupied at least a little bit. They'll tic-tac-toe a little bit. They'll do some doodling. Sometimes they'll color in some stuff.

Keeps them busy for, I don't know, five to seven minutes, maybe. My youngest kid, Bruiser, has got this new thing she's been doing now, and this has happened at the same restaurant about four times, where she will start drawing a picture of the waiter. whoever the waiter or waitress is she will draw them on her placement yeah but is it like how old is she? stick figures? she's putting some things that you can tell

she'll redraw if they're wearing a shirt that has something on it she'll draw the shirt they're wearing and then she gets shy and she wants to give them the picture but she doesn't want to hand it to them so she asks me to hand them the picture and also not say that she drew it

really? So the first time, I just assumed the person would realize I'm not sitting here with crayons drawing them and handing them a picture. So she handed me the placemat. She goes, can you hand it to the waiter? I said, absolutely. So the meal came to an end. I said, thanks for everything. Here's a picture of you.

And I handed it to the guy. And you say this is you? I just said, here's a picture of you. And he unfolded the placemat. And he goes, oh, that does look like me. Thank you. Does he think he's getting hit on? I don't know, Allie.

I don't know. Because the first time, I just assumed. And here's me. I assumed the first time that he would realize that I didn't draw this because why would I draw it? But then when we went back the next time, as we're walking in, he said to someone else, that's the guy that drew the picture of me and points to me. And I'm thinking to myself, he thinks I drew this picture of him? Yeah, because if you did draw the picture, it would be so much worse. Yeah, but it's weird either way, but why would I, a grown-ass man, draw a picture of another man?

That's great that he thinks that it was you. So then said to the other guy, and I hear him say this as we're sitting down, hey, that's the guy that drew the picture of me. We sit back down again, different waiter. Oh, yeah, because he doesn't want to go to you again. They've probably drawn straws back in the kitchen. I'm not going to that weirdo. Then my kid, same thing, flips the placemat over, starts drawing the waitress this time, okay?

And she says to me. See, this you probably would do. I drew huge gazungas. I hand it right back. This is you. she uh she says to me uh dad can you ask for more crayons and give us good crayon color so now she's very shy talking to the waiter so i've got to do the middle so i say to the woman hey can i get some more crayons please she goes absolutely she gives me a bunch of crayons you're the one

who's asking then she draws this woman not a flattering picture woman's just not a flattering picture woman's what woman's just a normal woman not a flattering picture i'm just gonna put it that way because she's not a flattering if the woman if the woman was a five the picture is a three okay uh-huh it was the woman of five on a good day so then once again meal comes to an end bruiser hands me the picture kids can draw some very offensive things she doesn't write there's no like if she's big she draws her bigger well yeah they just draw they just think of the most generic parts of you and then accentuate them so she says to me um can you please give her my picture and i said i will not oh she got really upset she goes why not you don't think it's good

i said i think it's great i think it's great let's hang it up at home and she goes no it doesn't make sense at our home it's a picture of this woman and i said well why don't you hand it to her then and she goes daddy please she gives me a look and i said fine so this time the woman comes here's the bill thank you for that i go we've i said we've done some artwork this we yeah why don't to clarify that this child is the one drawing. At least to a point. Trust me, when I say we did,

I do like a we, but I'm like... Like we all worked on this? I said we, but... That's even sadder. The family decided to draw you. Huge. Here you go. So I said, we did some artwork and this is you. Enjoy it.

And the woman looks at it and she can tell she's not happy. and she goes well thank you for that and she closed it and then I took the tip which I had already given 20% and I changed it to 25% because I felt bad about that whole situation Was she crying in the kitchen? We go back there on Saturday

How often do you go in this place? It's like the kids love it, you can walk to it and Saturday we sit down I'm not going to say if it's CPK or not We sit down and we have an Asian server Oh no and she draws a picture yet again

because she's not thinking about being mean She's just drawing a picture And she draws like literally two Lines for the guy's eyes And she goes Daddy I think this one's my best one yet And I go no it is not And I will not hand this to this person

She goes why Did you explain why You can't do that What do you mean you can't I go Something's off about this one Back to the drawing board kids You can fat shame the waitress

Meanwhile the kitchen of this place probably has all this artwork It's a museum of shame I said I can't hand this Why? Because what you've done here Some people would find that to be insulting Why is it insulting? Because you didn't draw eyeballs

She's like yeah I know But that's what It's so innocent the way she's saying it I can't hand another piece of art to someone else That is offensive I've done this twice already You're going to get banned from the restaurant So she gets really upset about it.

I said, if you want to hand it to him, you can hand it to him. But I don't think you should do that. I said, like, because. And I'll give her the credit. She got the balls. And I didn't think she would do it. So I didn't really think much of it. And as we're leaving, she just hands the guy the picture.

And he unfolds it, and it's him. And he loved it. Does he know that it's him? Yeah, he loved it. He did? He was showing people. He's like, this is me. This is hilarious.

This is offensive, and this is me. A good thing that weird guy didn't know it. I'm done with this now. You're done with what? I'm not going back to that place ever again. So you're just going to go do this to all the other restaurants? No, I'm done. The crayons are done.

I'm no longer accepting crayons at my table. You have to call ahead to make sure there's no crayons. No crayons. I'm a no-crayon policy guy now. It can't be trusted. Can you have a bruiser dry alley? No. I would love to see that.

I would love to have a bruiser dry alley. Yeah. Why don't you dry you? Bruiser's been on one lately. This is her roasting me, by the way, while we were away. Were you born on the 101 because a lot of accidents happen there? That's a lot of accidents. What?

She said we were driving on the 101 and she just says to me, were you born on the 101 because a lot of accidents happen there? I'm like, wow. That is like, that's a good, that's a good quality roast. That's a good joke. You know, these are all great skills for just someone who works on the pier. She's going to be able to draw caricatures and make jokes. I mean, she's got a future.

Coming soon to Bubba Gump in Santa Monica. My kid. Quick break. Back with more show next.