Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Lifetime Achievement Award

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you got to go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. So much more than just those random things you have sitting in that random drawer in your kitchen. They have become something that we think are worthy of their own accomplishments.

And usually in the world we live in, if someone is getting honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award, it's like that Dame Judi Dench or whatever, you know, Meryl Streep again. And they haven't really done much to save our lives on a daily basis. But that's why we started with the Lifetime Achievement Awards. And the first ever recipient was that Ikea blue bag that has gotten us all out of a lot of binds. You have to leave a relationship quickly. You can pack in it. You can fill every grocery.

It's unlimited. It doesn't break. It's unbreakable. And it's saved us a million times. And since then, we've added quite a few other things to the Lifetime Achievement Awards, including the tiny towel, the load towel for after sex that Vanessa told us about. Vanessa. Not for that. She said, well, if all your actual towels are dirty.

Just for car sex. You can use the tiny towel, and the tiny towel is there for you for whenever you need it. But we all know the real reason, and it made it into the Lifetime Achievement Award. I think that was the highest vote ever we received for anything making it in. It was turned into limited edition merch. Yeah, we made them. We have finally show load towels. Unfortunately, we don't have any left.

Tiny towels. Those load towels are gone. People took them immediately. I still use it when I work out. Yeah, me too, Allie. Wink, wink. You know what I'm saying? So it's time now.

To wipe off my load. for a new round of nominees for the Lifetime Achievement Awards. Here we go. Fine Alley Show Lifetime Achievement Award. Thank you for everyone who has given us things to think about, like that trash can that's sitting at the gas station that allows you to take all of your filth from your car

and immediately make it someone else's problem. Especially when it's a big trash can. It doesn't get overflowing easily. In a moment, you will have the opportunity to give us your votes and let us know who's making it in and who is going to be just another everyday loser. So let's go ahead and hear some nominees right now. And Vanessa, since you brought us that load towel,

you get to go first this week. So whatever you're... Okay, I'm bringing the random little fan that you forgot you had. You know what I'm talking about? Like yesterday was my uncle's birthday and it was hot. We had all the fans going.

He's like, wait, I have another one. it's like in the garage in the corner and like like this fans just came out of nowhere all the random little fans we do have one little tiny it's like a desk fan it's a little white one and we only use it a few times a year but it does kind of come in clutch and it is a strong fan when you remember you have it and then they plug it in it actually still works you're like yes especially when there's a you know heat wave like we've had now humidity heat's been terribly sticky and gross And, you know, there's a good chance that places you go to buy fans, they're out. Or you don't want to go out, but you're like, I just need a little airflow.

And they're like, I think I have a fan in the garage. Yeah, and they're always the old school ones. Yeah, it's an old school one. Because I had one of those, like, fancy oscillating fans. That thing broke. That thing sucks. Yeah, yeah, the old ones. The ones that will, like, get your tetanus if you touch the blades.

The ones that take up a lot of space even if they're small. Yeah, there's nothing soothing about the sound. It's kind of like you hear that. Yeah. It's grinding. All right, Vanessa. I think that's a good nominee. Vanessa's nominee is that extra fan that you have forgotten about.

Once again, if you're just new to the show, you're wondering what else has made it into our Lifetime Achievement Award before we give you your next nominee this week. We have the Ikea bag. We have the random frozen meal you found in your freezer that still somehow tastes okay, even though it's been in there forever. Water bottoms, the bottles of water in your car that just have the little bottoms that you could use for an ashtray.

That last bit of water. You need a little sip. You have to take a pill. The house dog that will eat any food you don't want to eat if you're out with company and they're not good cooks. And you can go ahead and give all that stuff to the dog. Or if you just don't want to clean up. Blame stuff on the dog. Dog's great to blame farts on, et cetera.

Early dating. Of course, the load towel and the hotel lobby bathroom have all made it in. So congratulations. I will say, though, that fans in general are overrated. I think most of the time they're just blowing around hot air. For the most part. Yeah, it's like, ooh, a fan. Like, it's going to change everything.

and it really is just blowing hot air in your face. It's fine when it's not as hot as it's been here, but once it gets north of 100, that fan does really not a lot of relief. Yeah, I mean, I think it's a minimal amount of relief, which is something for a heat wave, but overrated in general. 818 says Vanessa probably likes the fan

because it allows her to sound funny so she can talk into it and make funny voices. Oh, my God, yes. See, that's why... Oh, my God. Lalo, Lalo, Lalo. It's like, how does this happen? That's why Vanessa loves the fan.

I knew it had nothing to do with keeping her cool. I knew it was for the kids' reason. It makes sense now. Allie, what's your nominee this week? So my nominee is, it's a specific one. If you go to a community pool, or I guess if you go to rent one of those pools, whatever, you get there, you didn't bring anything with you. It's just you and a bottle of sunscreen, and you're not really sure how it's going to work out.

And then there is a random floaty or toy that is left in the pool, and you're like, oh, my God, cool, an inflatable shark. all of a sudden i'm gonna have lots of fun because this pool toy was left over in the pool the leftover pool toy that someone either forgot or it's half broken and they decided to just leave it at the pool i think that's a great unexpected joy when you go to the pool somebody else is floaty somebody else is inflatable that you can play with and then you don't have to lug it back to your place or put it in your car because it's not yours and you don't have to worry about it yeah i think anytime there's a forgotten whatever and in this particular case you're talking about

something in the pool, but like every once in a while you go to the park and you brought nothing and there's like, someone just left the soccer ball there randomly. Totally. Something to play with. What a score this is. Yeah, something that was kind of fun turns into way more fun because it was unexpected. And it was free so it didn't cost you anything. And there's no responsibility attached to it. You do run the risk that at any given

moment you're going to be on it and someone's going to go and be like, hey, get off my wrap, bitch. But like, other than that... I left my inflatable shark and you took it. Yeah, but... For the most part, it's been there for days. And then sometimes you go back and it's still there and it just becomes a community pool toy. Some would find it gross to use another person's raft

but I guess you don't find that gross. No. That'd be gross. If I pee on it, it's mine. Yeah. I hate the half-broken one though because if you have a shark and one of the fins isn't inflated and you try to get on it and you're always falling off. Yeah. That's why they left it there. They didn't realize. Someone else would like an ass and get wet. Or those ones that are like

mesh but then the mesh is broken and you just fall right through. Yeah. Jake, I don't think you've ever given us anything that has won the Lifetime Achievement Award. You've brought some things to the table uh most of them are not great things but uh in fact the last time i think you brought us the forgotten about bag of ice oh yeah that was great well no it didn't get any votes uh did you have a uh a nominee this week you know what i like having the change in your car when it comes to like when you're parking and you need to feed the meter and like you know you don't

have the card swiper or the car swiper is broken like that like extra couple quarters or whatever just to give you, like, 15, 30 minutes when you really need it, the change in your car. I think random change in the car is actually a strong nominee. It's not just for... Who needs change anymore?

It's not just for meters, though. It's every once in a while you actually find, like, a homeless person that you feel for and you have a little... Or a little pony outside of a grocery store that you need to ride. Or you want to bounce on a pony.

But sometimes, if you have enough change, if you've got a good collection of, like, I'm talking dollars worth of change, you sometimes are at a situation where a place, credit card machine's not working, they don't take Apple Pay, whatever it is,

and you're like, I think I may have like exactly $2 in my car worth of change. It's just sad going in there and handing them a handful of change. But if that gets you a Slurpee or something, you're like, man, I've won this one. I guess for me, I never carry change anywhere. I don't even have one. I don't even think I have one penny or a dime or nothing. I don't think of any change whatsoever.

Jake's right. If you have that little car, I know some people got a Ziploc bag full of change in the car. And sometimes that gets you out of a bind. Just saying. In Jake's world, that's not a terrible nominee. I feel like now if you don't have change, they're like, eh, just take it. No, no, no. If you add up to enough.

I think we're going into an anti-change world. I bring to you a useful item that I think is sadly doesn't get the glory it deserves, but I think it's all saved our ass so many times. And I don't know how it is not a Lifetime Achievement Award winner yet, but I bring to you the bucket. Oh, just bucket? In general, I just think of all of the many uses for the bucket and how if you have a bucket floating around,

I'm sure you could step on it to turn off that beeping smoke alarm if you need it. But you could also, first time something starts to leak in, you're like, we got a giant bucket. That goes under there. You sit on that. That becomes an extra seat if needed. More people come by. Some weird hippie wants to come by and start drumming. You give them that bucket as well.

Puke, car wash, gardening. Just in general. I just think having that one bucket, a bucket. I mean, I'm mopping, sure. But I just think the one used multi-purpose bucket deserves a war. I don't know about you, but I only have one. You have one bucket? Like, nobody has more than one, right?

I don't think you need more than one. Oh, I have multiple. I was going to say, maybe Omar has... You have different buckets for different things? Mostly for gardening, but then I have the poison water buckets, and then I have buckets for softball. So, I have a multitude of buckets. You have just a softball bucket?

It's full of softballs. Softball is a coach. You've got to bring those softball buckets. A bunch of softballs. I have four softball buckets. After the season. To attract the lesbians. It's the same thing as a mosquito bucket.

And the other one's for the mosquitoes. Oh, no. There's all these dead lesbians. but Omar would you agree that the bucket is you could use it for so many different things soft balls and mosquitoes

and other things too when I pull weeds like today my big plan is I need to go get a bunch of dead leaves out of all my shrubs I need a bucket you gotta move those lesbians out of there and make room for those weeds but I'm telling you right now

that bucket it saved our ass a million times Someone says the phrase, don't worry, I have a bucket. That's like, wow, that'll solve the problem. Yeah, and then if you want to do a little drum solo on the street. Right, just do it. There's a good side hustle. You start smashing on that thing with a couple of sticks. Get enough buckets.

You'll make a few, yeah, right. And you turn it over and people put money in it. It's amazing. It's the greatest thing ever. So anyway, let us know your nominees. Anyone else have any more nominees for this round or are we done? All right, good. Let us know your votes.

We'll post them all. One of these is going to make it as a Lifetime Achievement Award winner. Will it be the bucket, the random raft that was left at the pool, that fan that you need in the clutch, or that sack of change, random collection of change in the car? One of them is going to get that Lifetime Achievement Award honor, and nothing more important than that. And now we give you the sweet sounds of some wine on KROQ.