Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Our Final Funner Summer Scores

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. K-Rock, we are Klein Alley Show.

Thank you, 310. Klein's neck is all swollen now. Oh, wait a minute. It's always looked like that. Okay, great. Thank you for the... No, no, it didn't always. Thanks for the kind words and apologies for the people that claim they spilled coffee

and shot coffee out their nose. It's always fun. Our pain brings you such pleasure on a daily basis. Do you want to try it while Jake gets shocked? We could just keep this train rolling. No, that's okay. But Jake, you can eat it, though, if you want. We got extra ones.

I want the corn dog. I don't know. Yeah, the corn dog. I don't think we have that. We did complete our funner summer challenges this weekend. Jake tried a drug. What drug did you try? I know you were petting your dog and getting all weird on Instagram.

Yeah, it's cool. Mescaline. For the first time ever? Yeah, it's a super hard drug to find, actually. And where did you even track down mescaline? I tracked it down from a cactus guy. It comes from the peyote cactus. It's the drug that Aldous Huxley wrote the book, Dwarfs of Perception.

Did you already have a cactus guy? I had a certain cactus guy. I found a new cactus guy that makes his own mescaline. Is this the thing that you have to drink in like a tea or whatever and then once it's going to take effect, you have to throw up or you vomit? No, you're thinking about ayahuasca. That's DMT. What is it supposed to make you feel like?

Is it similar to acid or what? Yeah, it's similar to acid or mushroom trip. It's supposed to be more manageable, and it definitely was. I want to go back to something you said a moment ago. You had a different cactus guy. And you said, I've got to get rid of this cactus guy. I need a new one. And you found a new, so you found a secondary cactus guy.

Yeah, I got a secondary cactus. Actually, this is my third cactus guy. Is it? How many are there? I feel like there's got to be just the three. I have no cactus guys. I've never had a cactus guy. And the cactus guy usually would get you cactuses for what, display purposes?

He does both, yeah. He does display cactuses and special cactuses? Yeah. And you say, I need mescaline, and he said, I'm your guy. Yeah, he says, yeah, I grow the cactus, and then I actually make the mescaline from the cactus. Oh, okay. So he makes it himself at home. Yes.

I farm-to-table mescaline. And how is it presented to you? In, like, what way? It's in a powder, and you mix it in, like, a juice or something, and you drink it. And what is mescaline supposed to make you do? It is like a light mushroom or acid trip. Again, it's the drug that Aldous Huxley wrote, Doors of Perception.

I heard the boring story the first time you told it. The Doors get their name, the band. Right. But it's like a big... Boring. Unfortunately, we're sober for this. I need mescaline to get through the story. I need a cactus guy to poke my eyes out.

So you took the mescaline. Uh-huh. And then you... Did you do it by yourself? I did it by myself. And you were just petting your dog? For that little bit of the video, yeah. Do you think that the dog is like,

oh my god he's taking something he's gonna be petting me so hard for like four hours i doubt it so what was your big plan when you got the mescaline because this was your fun or summer challenge plan for like a heavy trip because i've never done it before i never how how hard it was gonna hit me and but it was pretty mild so i was able to get through it and manage it really easy and then go to the guns and roses show that night oh so you were on mescaline when you went to that show a little bit yeah but for the most part it was like i said very mild that's kind of boring The only thing that was more mild was your, like, lame, like, magic pills that you fell out of the chair with. Those things were super weak.

Clarify, because Klein falls out of his chair most days. You have to take more of the magic pills. You didn't take enough of the magic pills. And the magic pills have actual mushrooms in them. Cipa-Cybil-Blin or whatever it's called. Psilocybin. Whatever. They're in there, dude.

Who wrote what song about that? That's actually written from the book that some stupid, stupid... You can't even make anything up. Good one. Your stupid bookie book. So I think that means, then, if we go over all of our goals for this Funner Summer 2026. Well, I do have a question about a couple of them. Okay.

Because Johnny was assigned going to a bounce house and spending the whole day at the beach and having sex on the beach. And I don't know. I haven't heard anything about Johnny's Funner Summer Challenge. Did you knock any of those off the list? Yeah, real answer, Shani. Don't say something because you think it's what we want to hear. Well, we didn't get a bounce house for your party thingy. Well, that wasn't on me to do.

Where the bounce house was, there's bounce houses everywhere. You can also get one. You even said you had a cousin that has bounce houses. Didn't you say that? Well, he used to do that. He doesn't do that anymore. He got a real job afterwards. So you did none of them?

So you didn't get into a bounce house this summer? Didn't get into a bounce house, no. What was my other one? Did you have sex on the beach? No. I only went to the beach like three times this summer. Great effort, Johnny. Thanks.

All right, Johnny. That's Johnny right there. So you didn't do either of your things. Jake's got to find a third cactus guy to get his mescaline. That's effort right there. I know. I really tried to do my one-night stand. I wasn't able to achieve it, but at least I made a valiant effort

to try and make this happen and climb through that crappy party all for us. It wasn't a crappy party. It was a great party. It was a great party. Ice cream cake didn't have ice cream in it, but other than that, it was a backyard kegger followed by the backup backyard kegger that we did last week that was great. Yeah, that was great.

So the backyard kegger we did. Did I pull an all-nighter? Yes, I did in Vegas. Went to that. So done and done. There's proof. Johnny, post all the footage I sent you from Vegas. They don't believe I've shown proof of the Vegas thing. Jake did try a new drug, mescaline.

Congratulations, Jake. Did you eat something fried this summer, Jake? Hell yeah. I ate all sorts of fried stuff. Me too. Like what? Corndogs fried. Is all you eat corndogs?

That's it. Mustard sandwiches and corndogs. You're the only grown-up that I know that eats corndogs. Omar, your assignment was to have sex three times in one day. I did that too. That did not happen. I did that too, Jake. We both did that. Not with each other.

And then watercraft. Did you do anything on a watercraft this summer? I was on one of those floaty things in a pool. No, that's not a watercraft. What did you do? Allie tried to pick up that one for you this weekend. I did kayaking this weekend in my inflatable kayak that I brought from home.

Then my tube works. So we didn't really do that one. Johnny didn't do his bounce house at all. didn't spend... I kind of did that, but I don't want you to make fun of me. What? It was my friend's birthday. They brought a bounce house. I don't know.

Was your friend six? No, she's older, but it's for the kids. Older she's eight. And I'm just like, oh, I did this. So, Johnny, I got you. Were you the only adult in the bounce house? Some parents were in there. Like, yeah.

Chasing their toddlers. But the parents were there trying to get their kids out to go home, but were you the only one in there by choice? I was. I just... Sometimes I take care of the kids, too. Right. Okay. So you were in the bounce house. Alright. We got a point on that one. Good job, Vanessa.

Saving the show, as always. And then no one had sex on the beach this summer. No. I mean, I went to the beach, but I didn't have sex on the beach. They were too packed. Every beach was so overcrowded this summer. And then you got drunk at a water park. Vanessa did that. Vanessa did, yeah.

I organized that, by the way. Camping got canceled because of the heat wave, but then someone... I even rescheduled it, and then it was like another... Every time I scheduled a new camping trip, it got another heat wave. So... And then the one-night stand, which is what Allie was supposed to do. Did anyone have a one-night stand? Vanessa, now would be the time if you're holding back on us.

I know, I know, but I didn't, unfortunately. Well, Jake's kind of counts. We've been sorry we kept seeing each other, though. Yeah, he ruined it. Yeah, but what about the other dates that you had? They weren't full sex, but... He didn't have sex. He didn't have sex.

Hmm. Hmm. So we didn't do the one-night stand. All right, we did half, I guess. I think we did pretty good. We made an effort, except for Johnny. Yeah. I did stuff.

Yeah, we all made the effort, except Johnny. I ate fried chicken. Right, okay. I ate fried chicken sandwich. It was dank, bro. I take it back. All right, we all made effort. It was dank, bro.

We got to take a break. We get back in a second. We got your ADD news to get through. More importantly for you, more tickets so you can go to Not Scary Farm. We'll do that after this quick break. I'm K-Rock. Funner Summer is moving right into an even funner fall. We announced earlier this morning all the details of our next show hang,

which is called the Klein Alley Show Fiesta Siesta. If you can't decide if you like to party or nap, we'll have both options available at our next event. Details up on our Instagram at Klein Alley Show. More show next.