Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Searching for Proof of Fat

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Hey, we're Klein Alley Show. We understand some of you are listening for the very first time right now. And others have decided to not listen to the show anymore for a variety of reasons.

It seems like every week we get someone that says, I'm out or I'm moving or I can't afford California or whatever the case may be. The Odyssey app sucks, so I deleted it. There's a lot of ways you could listen, but that's fine. You can make up your mind for yourself. This person, however, has gone the other direction, Allie, and we will also welcome any new sloggers into the fold. Hey, Klein, Allie. How y'all doing? So I decided to finally cave in.

After fighting with you guys for the past five years, I've been having this love-hate relationship, and I decided to finally fully dedicate myself to all four hours of your program. It's not an easy life decision to make, and a lot of people don't have a schedule that can accommodate that. And sure, you could listen out for the fact in podcast form, whatever, But we understand, realistically, at least they tell us in all of our boring meetings,

you only want to get people to listen for five to ten minutes. Just get them for five to ten minutes. That's all you need. Well, yeah, but then think about the little thing, like a show that you liked. And you're like, eh, season one was okay. I don't know if I should invest in this, though. I get it. And then when you make the choice to invest, it really is a calculated choice

because it's going to take up your time. It's the same way that Vanessa has invested in her giggly squad. She's in the giggly squad. She's a giggler. Whatever. She's very happy. She always talks about how she wishes our show could be as good as the Giggly Squad show. I don't say that.

And before that, you were a fan of that other terrible show. The Sip. The worst show that I've ever heard in my life was that stupid show. Yeah, but Vanessa just likes playful, girly banter. I just want to listen to people talk. When Vanessa says that she thinks our show is good, I start to question and go, oh, God, no. I was the happiest when Vanessa said that we're not funny. What did she say?

We don't do comedy well? No, we don't. We don't. You guys cannot let that one go. Well, I forget what your quote was, but you said something along the lines of, you guys don't know funny. And you know what? Now that I know what you're into, what you think is funny, I think that's a compliment.

So thank you. We have completely different senses of humor. Because I listen to some of the other trash that she's into, and that is bore fest. I wonder if we both listened to a full episode of Giggly Squad, if we would giggle at all. I would say zero. That'd be Suicide Squad. And to be fair, I also listen to other things. Right.

No, I get it. But I'm just saying, this guy has decided four hours to our show. So thank you, sir. I don't know what it is. I don't know what happened. I think I'm going through a little bit of that Stockholm Syndrome. But all the other radio stations now suck. I mean, they're boring.

And you guys are... That was our goal. We realized everyone else would just start phoning it in and stop caring and stop putting in any effort. And that was our goal is that if everyone else just sucked a little more, we would seem better by comparison. We just want to be the least sucky of the group. We're not trying to revolutionize anything here. We just realize if everyone else can get sucky, the same way that Omar left his kids at that 5K,

he didn't have to be the fastest guy there. He just had to beat his sick kids that were thrown up on the sideline. And he almost got a medal out of it. Right, and he felt good. Pretty damn entertaining. So consider myself a slogger, netbanger, whatever else you guys call us. So a slogger now. This guy's a full-on slogger.

Welcome. You're a slogger. Vanessa's a giggler. You're a slogger. You're a slogger. Congratulations. You may not be an OG slogger if you weren't listening from the very beginning, but we will accept new sloggers on a daily basis. And if you'd like to join what was once described by Variety Magazine, our show is a four-year slog.

They call it a slog fest or a slog? I think they just said slog. A four-year slog. I think slog fest would have been pretty aggressive. Their way of insulting us, but we now celebrate that and we welcome you sloggers and hopefully we have more of you to hang out with at our endless summer kegger. We're all just slogging along. Including maybe the greatest slogger of them all, a man who calls himself Rob the Blob. now rob the blob we met him through the goat line he claims uh he is 762 pounds he's left

quite a few messages on the goat line over the past few days he can't leave his house i'm not going to go over everything again but we did say you have 24 hours to provide us proof of fat well and vanessa has said she called him she calls him and he doesn't pick up but then he leaves messages on the goat line so she's suspicious of that but he probably can't get to his phone i mean if the phone is convinced he's super fat because the way he breathes and The way he sounds on the messages, right? On the messages. He has to be.

He's got fat breath. He's got fat breath. You can fake fat breath. No, no, no. This is the way he does it, though. He gets through. Allie, let's hear some fat breath. Allie's great at it.

This is actually his name. She knows from experience. Yeah, yeah. Fat Allie had fat breath. When I first met Allie, that's why I knew it. People, before we played the new message and we look at the proof of fat, and, Omar, you have to look at this as well to get your honest opinion, but people were such a fan of Rob the blob i mean the amount of messages that came through for this guy what's up it's a blind waldo

hey man that was freaking cool i got a shout out from you um uh if they can't get you to the clam slam i think they should do a live remote at your house so that's one suggestion we bring we don't even know where his house is we bring the whole thing to him if we can't get him to us we go to him change everything but if we can get him to our summer endless summer kegger then we can have a lot of fun we can roll him like that boulder from indiana jones it's so much fun things we could do with him that i'm sure he would hate the possibilities are in what's going on you guys uh i'm i'm a few days back but this uh rob the blob guy um got trying to you know move to your party I'm sitting there and I'm pondering.

I'm listening to this guy. No one knows. The mechanics that it takes to use. This is why everyone's confused. Is this guy just... And move him, the full party. He said four guys, but I call Bolshevik. Oh, well, he said...

That's not possible, okay? You need like six. He says there's no way this guy... Does he know? He said you can't move a 700-pounder with four guys. I've tried this. Four ain't enough. You need six guys to move him.

And even at that, you got six buff guys. You need six buff guys to move him. He said four guys wouldn't be enough, so clearly he's lying. We did get a new message from Rob the Blob. I think you also need some kind of a pulley system. Like, you can have people lift you up all you want, but you have to be able to, like, grab onto those pulleys, and it has to, like, kind of lift you out of your seat.

This is from Rob the Blob himself, Allie, and he would agree that you do need a pulley system. See that breath right there? This is not a fake breath. This is him struggling to get through the next word. Yes, your caller ID does not lie. I am an East Coaster rolling quite literally cross-country to slam that clam. Although, by way of an update, there has been a bit of a hiccup en route.

Since never having traveled before, I didn't know what vanishing work it is. I had to stop every ten minutes to reload my feed bag with Krispy Kreme and Taco Bell. Okay, this is not true. Now I don't think it's real. Now I feel like it's not real. And consequently, we weren't even to New York when the flatbed started dragging and the axles just grenaded. I paid my girlfriend a little extra to roll me the rest of the way, but most were crushed and some refused. Why does this sound like a great American novel?

We tried the train, but the engine overheated, and the C-47 just couldn't get airborne. But worry not, Allie, my dear. I won't make it to L.A. this time, but I will yet engulf you in my voluminous love. Someday, I shall eat it. So he did threaten Allie. It was the Fats of Times. It was the Fats of Times. He sent us a picture.

Vanessa claims. I don't even see where it is now, Vanessa. Have you shown it to Omar? Yeah, Omar's in the franchise, haven't you? Yeah, no, I haven't. I haven't looked at it. Omar, take a pic. This is the, according to, this is the letter we received.

He wrote, dear Vancey. Vanny. Vancey? Vanny. Oh, my God. He said, on behalf of my friend, I am in receipt of your kind voicemail. Thank you for reaching out. I know that you don't believe that I am the weight I claim, blah, blah, blah.

I have attached a photo of myself per your request. It was a pleasure having you sign a photo. Did we sign a photo for this guy at some point? Apparently Vanessa signed a photo of herself for a listener And it was given to Rob I didn't know that Because this was for Rob If I saw Rob I would have remembered him

So maybe he had a person go there for him Signed Rob the blob And then there's a picture here which I'll show on the YouTube So you guys can see what he sent us Did Vanessa actually think this could have been real? No I think the opposite And let me tell you why Well Vanessa did say we got a picture

We know why If you were that big you would not wear jeans that's the reason are you kidding me you would not wear jeans i've never seen a belt that big and i'm just like this is clearly so fake i need seven more reasons why you think this is she says i've received a picture from the guy who claims he's robbed the blob and she goes i'm not 100 sure he's real and i think by this picture it's clearly evident he is real because you know how you can tell Vanessa if you look at the little doggy food dish

next to him there's no food in there where do you think that went do you think that's how he eats this tiny dog okay let's say he did have a dog how is he putting the food in the bowl I don't know Vanessa maybe he has people

he's eating the food he's the dog this is my point he has little food bowls around his place for himself he's so low to the ground anyway this is the picture that was sent to us I just didn't think we had a Sweet Divots shirt this big. The fact that he's wearing a Sweet Divots shirt is incredible. We do.

I shipped it out already. We do have shirts that big. All right, so anyway, we all could accept Omar. It had to go freight. What's your take, Omar? He's not real? Yeah, he's not real, but he's hella entertaining, so keep on calling Rob. Yeah, I know.

Regardless, we don't care anymore. Maybe he'll show up. I'm bummed out because I was hoping this was a real man, but based on this photographic evidence, I'm now convinced that Rob the Blob is not 762 pounds. I mean, he is in this AI-generated photo. Yeah, in this picture, he looks to be about 7'62". He should have made himself, like, laying down, you know? I know, like the whale.

Yeah. People like this can't stand up. Totally. The fact that he's just alone standing up in his bathroom. He's got, like, the devil horns. Yeah, yeah, this is me. I got up. Anyway, Rob, it was nice knowing you.

R.I.P., brother. To lose a Dolly Parton and a Rob the Blob in the same week, it's tough. But anyway, we'll try to party without you, And we'll have more access to our endless summer kegger coming up in moments. Your ADD News after this quick break and more show next.