Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Short People, Big Problems

Episode Date: June 30, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Short people, big problems.

K-Rock Klein Alley Show. What is going on? How tall are you and why do you hate? Obviously, there's different reasons. I think pros and cons for both. I'm sure there's a lot of tall people out there that go, you know, everyone thinks it's great for us, but socks, it starts raining, hits me first. Other people say, being tall sucks, I've got to get ass to do a lot of stuff.

That extra .3 seconds. Yeah, you're getting soaked. How many more drops are hitting them before everyone else? Vanessa claims yesterday her and Johnny were at some college shooting a video and everyone kept trying to pick Vanessa up even though I don't think that was part of the video.

It was just something I wanted to do. One of the directors hoisted her up without her knowing and then she clearly didn't like it by her facial expression. For what reason? He put her up on the wall because I'm so tall.

Put her up on the wall? What the hell is happening? It was like a rock wall in front of a fountain so he hoisted her up, turned around and just plopped her there like a stuffed animal. And it's also because Johnny's so tall

so when we have to do shots that are next to each other we look funny. So I'm like, ugh. It's great. It's like Danny DeVito in Arnold Schwarzenegger.

So they had to prop you on a wall so that you guys could be in the same shot. Yeah, but like getting picked up as like you're a grown-ass adult and then they pick you up

like, ha ha. Like, come on, dude. It is funny. I've seen one of these commercials that they did before and they do do weird stuff It's for Santa Monica College, I think. But it's like they put Johnny really far away

and Vanessa really up close, thinking that it would even them out. Like an illusion effect or something. It just looks strange that why are they so far away from each other talking about the college. And I guess because they need to get in the same shot. But Johnny's like 6'2 or something like that. I'm 6'4".

Johnny's 6'4". And Vanessa, what are you, 4'6"? Are you the opposite of Johnny? No, I'm 4'11 1⁄2". Yeah, so anyway, the two of them, it's impossible to get them in the same shot, so they've tried everything. This time they had to taper to a wall, I guess. This director is like Scorsese level, my God. That's incredible.

What is he able to do? Must be a good college if they put that much effort in the commercial. So anyway, that being said, we understand that being short comes with challenges, and now there's a bunch of people on the phone that would like to vent about those challenges. We start with David, who's 4'11". Hi, David. Welcome to KROQ. Being short sucks. I'm 4'11", about 50 years old.

Every time I go to the barbershop to get my hair cut, they always put me on that children's, that little wooden plank to raise me up. The booster seat? The booster seat to get my hair cut. Wait a minute. Don't they have those little things where they pump it up, pump it up, and raise the chair? They're like, what is happening? Yeah, those chairs go up.

Why do they put you on the box of shame? place where I go, but they always put me on that booster seat to get my hair cut. Why don't you go to a different place, man? Yeah, they're punking you clearly, man. You should go to a kid's haircut place. Those chairs go way higher. They put you in one of those old taxi cabs and cut your hair.

Hold on. Yeah, 411 is, that's pretty short. You don't need to say that, Al. He knows it. So you dread haircut day because you know that they're going to bring out that box and put you on it. Exactly, but I mean, when I get my haircut, I've been to a lot of places

the place I go right now where they put me in the booster seat they always do my hair right but at the same time it's kind of like kind of embarrassing. Yeah.

I would think that's one that's one of those places where you could feel like you are an equal. You're sitting in a chair you've got that giant cape blocking most of your tiny little body

and so as a result you would think that's one of the places where you feel like I have to have anyone who's fucking walking in here it's the great equalizer.

Is this the only place where you feel this way or is it like do they try and give you a booster seat in restaurants? too well not the restaurant but like i said mainly when i go get my haircut the person's there you know you always put you in the butcher seat because i'm a little short but i mean i just do it i mean but like i said i get to leave the lollipop so it makes my day yeah good for you

you make them you should at least get one let's say hi to uh let's say hi to lisa on camera hi Elisa, good morning. Good morning. Hi. Ashley Divitz. How tall are you? I'm 5'1". But the most annoying part about being short is that my daughter's three years old, and she's more than half my size.

So every time I pick her up and tell people I'm her mom, they're like a thousand follow-up questions. Like, oh, her dad must be a giant. Or, like, how did that come out of you? Those are fun part conversations, I'm sure. So she's three years old, and she's already over half your size? Yeah. That's crazy. Wow.

Can you answer all those dumb questions you just asked? Most of the time, I just try and walk away, but it's hard because she's difficult to pick up. Because you have such little legs. Come back here. Trying to walk away from your question, but I can't. These tiny little legs. Damn. That's an annoying part about it, I guess, as well.

I'll forget about all the things that physically, you know, you can't do. But it's the questions that come with it. Yeah, I know. And I'm sure you have to answer the same five questions over and over again. Laura, what's the worst part about being short? Welcome to KROQ. This is little people, big problems or something like that. Hi, what's up?

Hi. Going to concerts and just looking at the Jumbotron the whole time because you can't see the stage. Even if you've got great seats, it doesn't matter. because if there's one person in front of you, they are blocking you. They stand up, and I'm having to look sideways. My son even tried to invent this little step that I could hide and sneak in and put it on the floor. It's horrible.

You sound like a munchkin. You sound like you're... I don't like it. Wait, wait. Your son invented a little portable step stool to sneak into concerts? Yes, that I could hide in my back or in my front. like that they won't take it away from me and then i could step and see the concert and what happened no it it works but then it's also uncomfortable and one time i got busted and i had to take it

back to my car i don't know you remember those uh reebok pump shoes uh they made your shoes tighter but they could come up with some version of that i guess give you a couple inches i do feel really bad for at the concerts for short people i think that is a really tough existence and then you see an artist that you really really love and then you don't know what you're taking a gamble every time you go suzy what's the worst part about being short good morning hi good morning um trying to get anything off of the top shelf of any grocery store ever especially like heavy stuff like sodas like i'm weak and short and it's difficult well then you have to ask for help and there's no help around these grocery stores anymore oh yeah i've like waited in like the

aisle and like my boyfriend even got me a bunch of like um uh platform trucks so that i'd be a little bit taller but i still need help and you end up just not getting the stuff you really want because it's just too hard to reach so you end up going with some crappier brand or something yeah that'd be good for me i'm there like in the morning and there's not a lot of staff around like i'm kind of screwed yeah that's tough right there because i mean i i actually you know as much as You guys joke about me being... There's nothing that makes me feel better about myself than when someone like that size

will ask me in a grocery store to help them get something off a top shelf. I love helping them do that. I love giving them the look because they give you the look like, I need to ask you to help me grab this. And I'm like, girl, I got you. And I grab the huge thing of Coca-Cola

or the pasta they can't reach. So you like being tall, obviously, Johnny. There's no downsides? Not at all, except some cars I don't fit in. But then it's like, why are you driving such a tiny car? Sherry, well, your old car, you couldn't fit in it at all. It was hilarious. Yeah, that was a tiny car.

Like, I used to, like, bang my knees in that all the time. Hey, Sherry on KROQ, what is the worst part about being short for you? Hey, good morning. The worst part is last night my smoke alarm went off. Oh, man. I tried to get a chair out of the corner to get up there to turn it off, but I was still, like, two inches away from reaching it. So I had to go hunting all over my house for this mini ladder, and I grabbed that and, like, a wooden spoon for my kitchen just so I'd be able to reach it.

You have to get really creative when you're so funny. A chair, a ladder, and a spoon just to finally push the thing. The smoke alarm. The smoke alarm, which is there to save your life. And it's beeping at you all the while, which just makes you more annoyed. Shaming you. Angie, you believe there's a different thing that's the worst part about being short. What is it?

Hi. I hate that people, like, pat me like a dog. I hate that. It's really annoying. Aw. It's so degrading. What does that mean, they pet you? Not like, like, they pat me on the head.

They're like, oh, you're so cute. And they, like, pat you on the head. Like, that's so degrading. Yeah, that wouldn't happen to anyone that was, like, you know. They can't reach. Yeah, but I'm not even saying a tall person. But I don't think someone that was, like, 5'5 would get pat on the head. I just don't think that would happen.

But I guess, what are you, 4' something? I'm 5'2. Vanessa, do you get pat on the head? Do you get pat on the head ever? Yes, and I'm like, excuse me? Like, you think you could just go like this? Or, like, I don't know, like, put your arm around my shoulder? Like, I'm not a headrest, my buddy.

Get out of here. Oh, so people will put their arm on your head? Yes. Like, this is my head. Oh. That's funny. That's so funny, too. All right, well, I'm glad we're getting this out there.

I'm glad we're getting some more ideas of things to do with Vanessa. I didn't realize all these things I could be doing with Vanessa. What a sucker I am. You're a good girl. I didn't realize that. Hey, Vanessa, if we have a good show today, I will pet you afterwards, okay? Another person said that the worst part about being short is that the sun visor in the car doesn't work for them. That's so true.

Doesn't block the sun when you're short. Doesn't block the sun at all. That's so true. Hold on, there's a tall person that wants to get in on this as well. Javier, north of six feet. Why does being tall suck? Oh, because sometimes, okay, let's say my bathroom, I have this medicine cabinet, and if someone leaves the door open, if I'm not aware, I'll turn around and bump the corner of it,

and that sucks, or like low lamps in the kitchen or dining room. Oh, yeah, this guy's hitting his head on low lamps. Yeah. Meanwhile, Vanessa could just cruise under those lamps, no harm, no foul. See, everyone thinks it's better. Hold on, Sabrina couldn't get a job because she was too short. What could you not do, Sabrina? Well, I wanted to be a firefighter when I was younger, and everyone has to take those little tests.

There's like 11 stations, and one of them is removing a ladder from the wall and logging around with it and placing it back. Well, I'm 5'2", so it was like above my shoulders, and it's just all arm strength, and so I'm just dead, just dead arm strength. That's a bummer. It's too bad, Irony, that the thing that stood between her and getting the job was a ladder, the one thing that would have solved most of her problems. Wow, so I guess when you think about it, there's probably not that many really short firefighters. I'm not going to lie, I wouldn't want her as my fireman. I want to end this with the shortest person we have on the phone right now. And I actually think having a little fire person would be great.

Think of how many of them you could fit in that truck. Yeah, they could all come down the chimney. Keep coming out. We say hi to Jasmine. She's the shortest person. Jasmine, how tall are you? Good morning. I am 4'7". Okay. What is the worst part about being 4'7"? Um, other than all the things that everyone has said, like you being used as an armrest and all that and hearing people talk crap, like saying like, oh my God, she's so short

when you come walking by is probably shoe shopping because I have to go to the kid's section. So a lot of my heels will have Velcro on them like a little kid. A shoe shop? You're saying that when you want to wear heels, you have to have those ones that have like Jasmine on them or Elsa? pretty much oh man but you so you pretty much have to shop in the kids get out your slutty heels tonight i either have to go to the kids section like at target and all that or i have

to go to like those little asian stores that have high heels oh wow yeah all right well listen i apologize it's usually cheaper vanessa i didn't realize all of the struggles that you deal with on she's saying vanessa's feeling very heard right now very seen i mean also unseen at the same time but still very seen right now and thank you for all you shorties for giving us some of your time on