Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - SHOVERTIME 6-17!

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

The bonus pod where we reveal our deepest, darkest secrets and get to swear while doing it!

show over time can officially begin i don't even know what folder we're doing this in but oh well we'll figure it out later i guess oh hello hi uh it's show over time episode number above it all who cares today you got just a klein and alley lucky you just us we're bringing it back to the basics guys jake has gone home for the day because he got them so he got himself a case of the hershey squirts is the way he put it no he said that he's all plugged up again oh he's backed up yeah he said actually the next day he didn't even go which must have been a weird thing for him theory about jake and the fact that we know so much about his bowel movements is a real problem um but the reality is i my theory is more about men and women i think that women spend most of their day hoping

to poop and really like like wanting to poop this is something my wife talks about way too much yeah and uh and guys i think spend most of the day hoping they don't have to poop like don't want to poop they do not want to well no we do want to poop but we don't want to poop at the wrong time right we want the poop to happen before anything major before we leave the house we don't want to do it out of the house we want to do it in the beginning of the day we don't want to do it when we're out and about it's just that everything needs to be in a very specific window i remember like i would hear this growing up i remember like if my mom missed her window whatever that was it just like oh god well that'll never happen again yeah you can lose it yeah she's like i

lost it yeah there goes the day of the day it's 8 a.m the whole day is shot down because you missed your poop window i know how she feels if you miss it then sometimes it just is gone and i look at it and i go uh there's another window opening up any moment now i just have to wait about five minutes uh or i'll just go ahead and eat a sandwich floor-to-ceiling windows it's always yeah there is no this window has been shattered by the neighbor's baseball do you have any certain places that trigger that to happen i was talking to my friend the other day and she said i can't walk into a pharmacy without having to poop why what is it about that like they have a good bathroom at that pharmacy no it's any pharmacy you you know i'm a fan of hotel lobbies so a lot

of times i'll find myself if walking through a hotel lobby i'll sometimes especially if they have a nice hallway that's leading to a bathroom i'll be like i bet you that's a good bathroom i'm gonna go in there and sometimes i don't even have to go but i can will it how can you do that it's it's like a superpower i guess so you could will a shit at any minute yeah or if i want to read here's the other thing sometimes every once in a while i know i don't read a lot but every once someone will send me a link and they're like, Klein, you have to read this. And I'm like, there's no way I'm going to sit on my couch

and read this. There's no way I'm going to sit. Oh, so you go to the bathroom? So I will say, I'm going to go and make a poop just so I can read this. And make a poopy. And I will go and I'll do that. Wow, that's amazing.

And then sometimes I think, I feel like I don't want to curse it. My body's pretty good now at controlling. Like if I say to myself, it's not going to be a good, you're not going to have a good window for the next day. so like let's go body work let's all work together on this my body can be pretty powerful but on the flip side i feel like if i know that i am heading towards a bathroom your body starts to relax and

my body will start to go into the process of like if i know i'm leaving work sometimes i leave here and i go i can make it as half an hour my body can stay with me for a half hour and i'll but i'll put that number on my head and then if anything happens on the way home unexpected traffic oh your body's already gone through the time frame there's no reset in the clock so my body's like you said a half an hour dude and i'm going like oh my god now it's going to be 35 minutes and that last five minutes is always a very exciting gamble but it's usually me parking very badly the wrong direction in front of my house so that i can run in and if anything else stops me like if any neighbors like hey quick question or like there happens to be a delivery at that time and a guy's

like hey hey you signed for this i'm like nope can't sign no pleasantries gotta go go go i I remember when I was still smoking, there would be some times where I couldn't, as soon as I lit up my cigarette, like two drags in, I'd be like, yep, got to go. Yeah, that was nice. I was like, I'll just set this cigarette on the ground, I'll be right back. There was something nice about, there was like a summer I was a camp counselor, and you had to go to like these bathrooms that were like, they were basically, there was no ceiling.

I don't think, it was like cinder block walls, but I don't think there was any ceiling on the bathroom. Oh, yeah, okay, I know what you mean. But I remember sitting on there, and this was when I was a counselor, and sitting there and smoking and doing that at the same time and there was like

something about that where I was like in the ash between your legs you know and I was like this is living man like I feel like

I'm not a smoker I've never been like a smoker but I was like I could be a smoke dumper I feel like that's a cool thing too that's a good ritual

it's a good ritual to get into but anyway so Jake's got that problem now and Vanessa's obviously all nervous because of the big

World Cup game going on today so well she said she's probably not going to drink but I think we need to make sure

she does One shot. One shot. She did? Okay, she's already changing it? Vanessa, if you're listening, party it up. Party it up. Yeah, and when she says one shot, this was like when she went on that cruise, and she's

like, I just am going to drink a little, and then she got locked up in that. Remember, she got quarantined? Yes. Because she drank too much that she got sick? I don't think it was just because she drank too much. But it's a very exciting time here at KROQ for a bunch of reasons. I can't think of any off the top of my head right now. It's very exciting, according to our meeting with our boss that just happened.

That sucked. Do you want to break that down or no? Well, I mean, it's just, you know, this time, as I was just saying before we walked in, like this time last year was when, you know, we finally kind of started, stopped scraping the bottom of the barrel and started climbing up a little bit. And it felt like a huge win. I was like, oh, my God, like we're not in 21st place. This feels good.

and now you know we're we're doing better but then it's like if anything slips then you feel like shit and even though a year ago you would have been still really happy with what's happening right now yeah yeah it was a big we had to look at a bunch of graphs i don't really know how any of those graphs work but we got called in to look at pie charts and graphs and all the graphs by the way it seems like they should just settle on one and show us that but we had to look at just now some of them all these rain man numbers some of them were bar graphs and some of them were just of squiggly line graphs that look like an earthquake situation. It looks like

a very unstable stock market. Yeah, and they're showing us, like, this is how many people you have listening to you in Orange County, and this is how many people you have listening to you in L.A. And this is how many 15-minute periods they're listening to you for. This is when they tune out. And this is when they tune out. And I was like, wait a minute, that's ADD News. That's Ali's thing.

No, but, and then there was a lot of things that, it was kind of one of those things that was, I think, meant to motivate us. Oh, I did not leave feeling motivated, but that's okay. That's how most of those meetings are, though. we leave going like so so what is this are we uh everything going okay and i feel like the conversation kind of just continues because you're hoping to go out on a good note but then then good note never comes so you're like all right i guess i'm just gonna walk down the hall then the best

is when i was looking at the graph and i go it looks like we're doing great and he goes uh that was you guys last year or that's not you at all you're looking at a completely different person yeah well that person's doing great you know what does give me anxiety though is the way our boss keeps his computer chaos i mean it's fucking insane i've never seen somebody's like laptop it's kind of like sitting in their car it's like this is a reflection of their life and how they live it right and and there's 7 000 tabs open and there's two different computers that are open and he doesn't know what is on any of them yeah it's so many tabs that even just the process of him pulling up the graphs he opened the same graph like five separate times making a new tab every

time yeah and we got to stop asking usually we've gotten to a point now where we just don't ask follow-up questions because any follow-up question will just extend the meeting so there'll always be a any questions about this or can we move to the next graph and we used to just say let's move to the next graph lately ali you've been asking questions and i don't like it oh did i ask too many questions no not too many but you'll say like wait what show me that again and i'm like oh god because then anytime he's got to go back and try to reopen the tab that's i'm trying to find something positive yeah well it wasn't in that meeting it just goes back please help us grow the show that's what we're getting out for the love of christ if you care about ali or her unborn

child you must listen for longer and get as many people as you know to listen to the show as well so we can keep doing this dumb thing every single day uh it's an uphill battle constantly yeah and and and you guys if you're listening to this bonus show over time podcast it means that you actually find something in the show that you like i don't know what it is but uh thank you and we have not said that in a while but we appreciate you please please please grow the show because ali's about to start turning tricks on yeah please god uh and i don't want to do that that's bad for the people she's they have to have sex with her i have a question though if if somebody if you're going to stay in somebody's city and they have a room available

but you choose to stay in a hotel instead would you be offended so funny you mentioned this exact thing because my sister's uh my wife's sister is coming out here next month yeah for fourth of july and she called to say hey we're coming out and my wife said okay great are you guys staying with us and she goes no is there a hotel nearby well probably not there's not a hotel nearby they have there's hotels in the valley they're not great but there's got stuff around universal studios and there's stuff there um and i said uh this is the best to me i said this is the best case oh my god no responsibility and then at like seven or eight or not they're just they just leave just go time probably time for you guys to go back to the hotel and uh and and in fact other

than the financial part which is the main and maybe family that's also part of it but other than the financial part at the times where i've gone to visit family but yet i and usually it's because there's not enough space and i and we've been like the family that stays at the hotel near the house it is so much better yeah because you're in your own space you need your own space you need a break and uh do people but should you be offended or if someone said hey i'm coming to la because i know we have a lot of stuff coming up here like yeah i know people that are in town for world cup i know people that are planning to come here for olympics i know people that have already said hey i'll be in town for the super bowl and some of that is followed by is it cool if i get

your spare bedroom and then you feel like you're being used kind of but if you like them or you're a friend or family it's all it's expected i remember a friend of ours well it was a kind of a family friend um who was just out of college and she was visiting with some other guy that she was friends with but no they weren't fucking which was strange because they were going to sleep in the same bed but she was like can i stay with you guys but i don't want to hang out i just want to go basically experience la she said like that i mean it well she didn't say like that but it was like i'm visiting la with my friend who is he was visiting from germany so he didn't have even been to america before and hadn't been to la and she wanted to show him around la and they

wanted to go on this la trip together yes you can use our place but seeing you is not part of the plan yeah because there is kind of an obligation on both sides if you're the host of people you feel a little bit obligated to give them a clean place to stay and also but it was nice because i didn't have to feed them or anything there was no obligation because the bed we're just we're just it was like we were hostile i was like great both people feel a little obligated because you don't usually you would at least if you're a normal human you'd go i feel i feel bad just coming in sleeping there i mean i have had people that have stayed with me that i haven't seen the entire time they've stayed because i'm up early for this job and they were working late for whatever they were

in town for and then i mean you probably pay for their dinner a couple times we never see each other ever but uh yeah and probably yeah they would go in the fridge and drink stuff and i'd be like what are all these drinks i had yeah exactly but uh no i don't think there's a obligation the idea should be you'd want to see we kind of forget in our world that most people actually want to see people like they actually want i want to see people i just don't want to share a living space yeah in this case we're going up to the bay area to see family and katie's in-laws live in south san francisco right by the airport there's a million very cheap pretty decent hotels in that area and they have made no changes to katie's bedroom it's the same twin mattress

no yep just a twin not even a full just a little twin mattress old ass comforter flimsy thin almost the pillows you just put your head down and it just goes right to the right i know those my parents have that same setup at my house even the frame of the bed is like that old metal right it's all this it's literally the same bed she stayed on in high school same yeah same since she was a kid oh since she was a child it's the same mattress what about like a decor walls and all nothing i mean there's like in their whole house is like niners memorabilia memory kind of like bobbleheady type things but she doesn't have posters up there is a desk taylor thomas and stuff no it's not like that but there's there's like a desk

there now with a computer because that's their like room where they go search and get computer viruses from but they it's just like a spare room essentially but they haven't done anything with it to make it like user-friendly for visitors you know so if we wanted to stay with me and katie and our kid there's no accommodations that are being made for you know it's not like they went and got a bigger mattress so we could stay there so we are now staying at a hotel and they're like oh you're not going to stay with us like well no i don't i don't want to stay in a twin mattress you're making the right call and it's like they're in-laws don't you want a break you have to i want to wake up in an and i want to be able to wake up on my own i don't want to see my father-in-law

in a towel just getting out of the shower you got that last time i did and that's and that's the real reason he had it wrapped around like a small towel right like the tiny towel vanessa a tiny towel yes exactly yeah i mean look i and they're they're offended that you're choosing to not stay with them well they because we don't visit that much anymore so they want to see us as much as possible and they don't like that like you know our kid has a bedtime so we have to get back to the hotel like at a you know decent hour and i'm like that's the best because then i can watch hotel tv it's the best mario lopez more mario lopez in your life forensic files shawshank redemption the reality is that um old people don't really like a cop old there's two people

in the world that have really strict schedules like kids like your kids age and old people yeah they do not accommodate do not like to accommodate or change their schedule at all and with a kid who's got like a nap schedule or bedtime things you're trying to get him in a routine that's also not really that flexible well and they're like well we eat at 8 30 and i'm like okay well my kid goes to bed at eight right and they go well good luck they're like well okay fine we'll make the reservation for 7 30 and i'm like that's still it's not really helping not what yeah there are it's it's it's an epidemic among quote grandparents that they don't understand and they maybe they don't care anymore and maybe they go like look i lived a long enough life and

i helped raise you and now you're the one dealing and i'll eat when i want to eat god damn it but i remember there was a time when my parents were out here and i thought that meant that they would like help watch my kids when they were younger yes and they're like uh your father and i have to go for a walk around the neighborhood at this time and i was like well is there any way that that walk could be an hour sooner or an hour later no it cannot i go how is this possible and everything was like because if you don't do the walk then i'm not gonna hit my poop window tomorrow oh wow or whatever it was and i was like that doesn't seem very accommodating to what we need because i needed someone there to like watch a kid while i was doing some for some window thing

for this stupid show yeah i know and then like even just the day-to-day like they're both retired pretty much they kind of go back to they do work part-time because they're bored but even if we're there you would think like they would adjust their little gym schedule or their or the fact that my mother-in-law will just go into this middle room and watch her soap operas and literally close the door and it doesn't matter that we're there yeah right right i'm like okay so we're not even gonna like hi do you want to see your grandkid you're just gonna hole up in there and watch your soap operas okay i brought my kids all the way across the country for i think it was new year's and we walk in and my mom was on the computer and hey mom we're here and she

goes i'm trying to figure out what's wrong with the aol and i go mom we're walking in hold on i think i figured it out just give me five more minutes i'm like all right i guess we'll just stand here just stand here and hold our luggage in the front hall until you figure out what's wrong with the aol but uh that's the charm of the l oh my god the other thing is my my mother-in-law will make dinner they're like we'll have dinner at the house tonight we're like great she starts making she's making food at 5 36 you know 6 30 p.m she's got everything ready it's all on the burners and then she just covers it up with tinfoil and then we go sit down in the living room and chat it just sits there and it just fucking sits there and then she goes dinner's ready

whenever everyone but but then they don't have it for like another hour and i'm like how is it it's gonna get and yes it's like covered with a tinfoil but what are we doing here i'm just fucking sitting here smelling good food and we're all just waiting around and we're talking the second my food comes within one degree of whenever it's healthy to eat i it's in my mouth i'm like how do you resist that yeah that's that's a wild level and it's like all right we're ready to sit down she'll fire up the burners again and get it all to temperature and serve it that's it's crazy Well, we've always said leftovers are better. I like the concept of always being one day ahead in cooking.

So you're always a step ahead. It's like all waiting in the wings. Yeah. It's such an interesting method. Don't you think when you're older, it's very easy to be critical now, but I also can't wait to be as fucking stubborn. Like, I couldn't imagine I'll do it because I feel like I'm such a people pleaser in general, but I just can't wait to think of the concept that like. No, I'm doing my crossword. Yeah.

You can get out of here. For me, it'll hopefully still be self-pleasuring, but I'll be like, close the door, kids. I'm self-pleasuring. I'm doing the New York Times self-pleasuring. It's three across. It starts with J and rhymes with irk. Okay, jerk. I got it.

I'm on it. But yeah, I can imagine that I will be just like they do. I hope you'll be making inappropriate jokes to your grandkids and things like that. God, I said something. I think you will be. I said something yesterday. I shouldn't probably get into this because it's right there. I'll have dementia, so we know that's what happens.

I'm going to fake dementia. If I don't have it, I'm going to fake it because it's going to be funny. Come to me for the real thing because I'll have it. Allie's already got it. Yesterday, I was on with Apple tech support because my wife was convinced that my daughter needed to have an Apple Watch so we could track her. Don't they have little ones that are just trackers that aren't Apple Watches? Yeah, so we did have the tracker on.

We did have air tags on her. she somehow was able to shed all those but the app she wanted to be able to text her and have her be able to text us if there's a problem and call us and of course she didn't realize that in order for that to happen you have to get an apple watch that actually has cellular because i tried to explain to her after it has to be connected to a phone it has to be connected to a phone you can't it can't just it doesn't work and she does not have a phone no no phone no she's uh nine so even the nine-year-olds have phones i know i know and she's trust me i hear about it all the time She's like, do you know, she tells me every day at goddamn dinner.

Do you know this person whose parents don't love her have a phone? Do you know Chloe? She's got a phone. She said one of her friends has two phones. I'm like, why does her friend have two phones? She's nine years old. Oh, they probably gave her phones that they reject ones that don't turn on. Unless she's a drug dealer or a bookie.

I'm holding two phones. There's no way a nine-year-old needs two phones. They don't need one phone. So she's telling me this. She's like, you're not getting a phone. And then my wife's like, we're getting her a watch phone, which is pretty much a phone. But she's like, but it's only going to have us as contacts. No one else.

no one can call her yeah i think you can control how many right it's like up to 10 contacts it can be controlled but it's not like my wife says oh i'll make sure it's just uh which means all stuff i have to do now i have to set this up so i'm on the phone with with apple and i'm trying to set this fucking thing up and it's not worked because i i set up through my wife's phone so now every one of my wife's phone calls is going to her watch and so and the whole thing is like she had calls with clients yesterday that were getting dropped because my daughter's like hello and it was the whole thing was fucking wrong so i set up but meanwhile while we're on the phone i i um say to the person that's helping me who's clearly from another country the person's helping

me from another land that's nice and respectful and uh and he's explaining to me to basically have to reset repair the whole thing start from scratch waste of the fucking time and i say to him uh as my as my wife's got terrible shits last night no really i thought she'd never pooped never shit in front of me it was like literally 20 years of our relationship came out of her last night whoa never did she eat something never shit in front of me she claims that this thing because you know she fucked up the order i told her she fucked up the food order so then i did she eat the utensils you're not supposed to do that she ate the plastic utensils and the fork cut right through it and uh so she was uh all fucked up and i'm on the phone she's telling me deal with this

watch thing don't come in here but i need all this all this guy keeps texting messages to her phone she's in the bathroom and so i say to the guy i'm sir my wife has got the shit's bad you did yeah and she is it's so mad at me though i'm like well this guy we but this guy's now on he's also looking he's i've activated a camera system what i didn't realize this i basically gave him permission are you sure you're not being scammed is it really apple support yeah apple support oh maybe the phone oh maybe verizon at this point it was a combination of apple and like they would never do it and they asked no they asked for permission it was not facetime they asked for permission to share the screen to share the screen and i basically turned on gave i said click this

link then i told my wife she's in the bathroom i go click the link he sends you she clicks the link and then all of a sudden she could see him her phone turns into camera mode and she's sitting on the toilet shitting out

and the guy and she's so mad at me now oh my god she's so mad at me now but I think it's hilarious I didn't know

all that was gonna happen but I think it's hilarious so how did what did she do did she try and turn it off he's like I won't look I won't look

I hear this guy yelling like I won't look I just need to see I just need to see the watch I am also on the shitter no that's good Allie's got a new accent

so uh but he then later in the call apologized to us and said i'm sorry that i'm under the weather he said oh he said yeah it was a weird ass fucking conversation did you get it all figured out he was shitting no no yeah the answer is yes we had to reset the whole thing and basically she now has this she reset her bowels you reset the phone everything's been reset the toilet needs to be reset as well but the point is i made a bunch of comments during it and she goes you're going to be the most embarrassing dad when you're older older right because you don't have that thing in your brain that says don't say that yeah because i just say i'm like oh sir i'm sorry my wife's in the bathroom she's got the shits why would why would you need to share that with the man who's

trying to help us from tech support and i'm like i'm just giving him a lay of the landscape now what he's walking into he didn't ask to be involved in this we have a phone we need to set up you're in the bathroom with the phone that it's been paired to i'm out here with the watch right you're in there shitting this needs to happen now you're not gonna wait for the because the guy said the phone is the phone next to the watch i said it can't be she's in there with the shits she's got the phone in the shits so you couldn't think of an excuse like my life's not home i didn't think of it i just said what was happening she's she's in there shitting and then she's in there yelling me going why are you saying that i'm like well you are do you ever that

i i feel like this probably wouldn't happen with hetero couples but when you call a like a customer service line and they're like this account is listed under your wife is what's the name on the kind of you trying to like pretend to be them so her name's danielle i pretend a lot of times i'm daniel they'll say i can only speak to dan they're like is this catherine i'm like yes right it's yeah and whenever it's your date of birth i'm like right that's the part that always gets me though because they'll say to me when i say i'm dan i'm daniel and they go oh it's written here as danielle i'm like well i said i spell it that's right i'm a fag i say i spell it i said that's how i spell it or something i said that's how my parents spell it and then and then they

get you lie about that and then they get to some weird place with me where they're like uh what's your social security last four i'm like hold on hold on i have to look through my notes and be like yeah i have it in there and i'm like what's her social so i'm like it's uh they're like what's the passcode and i'm like what's her fucking and then i'll give them the last for my social security and then they'll be like wait no that's mine let me give you mine and then when it doesn't work you're like god fuck fuck i'll call back i'll call back i need to call her i should have said i was her to begin with yeah it happens a lot but with lesbians that would be great it is great because they're like oh is this and they i've even used her id for things because we look enough

alike where people don't even really give a second look i miss i could show her id and they would think it was me yeah well that's the that's the beautiful part one of the great upticks of being a lookalike Lesbo. Married to somebody who looks like you. But before my voice changed, I was able to be my mom on the phone

for a variety of things. And that was fucking superpower. Really? You sounded like your mom before your voice changed? Not like, I didn't sound like her,

but I definitely sounded not like a guy. There's no way you sounded like your mom. No, I didn't sound like my mom. I'm Klein's mother. But if they called

like one time to school called and I knew that they were going to call because there was a disciplinary issue and they're like, we just need to call

and confirm that you hand it over to your mom so when i answered the phone i'm like this is gail yeah and they're like yeah this is the school just want to make sure your kevin gave you the disciplinary report and like read it thoroughly wow okay glad we chatted that is a superpower for sure because i sound the same as my mom you can't really tell us apart too much on the phone maybe now that i'm older you can but when we were younger my grandma would call everyone would call and go is this gina or is this allison i'd have no idea we all sound the same and it was nice because i remember that the school did call a couple times and i would just say it was my mom that's the weirdest part about

uncle leslie he's got that high-pitched weird lady voice even though he's a man right and his name's leslie yeah so he's got the name and whenever people call they think he's his wife his wife bruce his wife's name janice but she's got she does have kind of a deep voice so it's all fucking ass backwards yeah i know wow well anyway uh we're done we're done that was it just I wanted to connect I guess last week I thought we did a show

I don't know it never got uploaded or something happened I know there's a weird schedule thing we'll just blame Jake's ass yeah Jake somehow did something last week

that fucked this episode up but hopefully you enjoyed some bonus time with us thank you in advance for continuing to listen to the show

and once again call her 20 if you want one of Allie's babies if she has more than one she agreed to give one of them away next Friday

I'll find out could be yours alright that's it in honor of Jake who's not here right now Whee! Bye.