Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - SHOVERTIME 7-1!

Episode Date: July 1, 2026

In today's bonus pod we go over smoke alarms, jake's type and learning more about each other than we wanted

Check, check, check. All right, look at that. Episode number, blah, blah, blah. Show over time. Klein Alley. Show over time. Show over time. Hold on.

Which mic are you on? You're not coming up there. Let's try this one. There you are. Hello? You there, Alley? Hmm? Talk.

Talk. There you are. Say something. Oh, it's 11. Oh, it's 11 o'clock. No way, is it? No, you definitely snoozed it once. I've been snoozing it.

I'm going to snooze it probably until about 3 p.m. Anyway, here we are. Another episode of uncensored rambling, as we call it. this uh doesn't work tell me um oh yeah that needs batteries i was trying to vibrate herself around the show and of all the advancements that we've made in our history still need batteries relied on batteries there's two things i never have and i need them so randomly but when i need them i'm so annoyed i don't have them it's batteries and stamps two things oh my god stamps are the worst that's why i go to costco and get a fuck ton of but i have a drawer and

that drawer is literally the drawer that's just supposed to have in it random batteries and uh oh no jake saw us damn it jake's in the jake just jake just made eye contact with us from the other room he knows we're in here doing this but uh it's so rare i need him but then i'm like oh i need a stamp huh and then i go like that's all right i got in this drawer same thing with any random battery because i have a smoked alarm now that started last night always does at like 10 30 at night started that chirping shit in the middle of the night 10 30 started and the problem is for about three days before that i saw the red light was blinking but i didn't do anything about it and i and i of course it needs a fucking you know what battery it needs ali not an a

oh no it's not not a b not a c not a d not a double a not those little flat square batteries not the kind i could peel out of an air tag but that fucking square yeah that square shit and it's only for that it's only for smoke alarms and uh of course i go to my closest liquor store because liquor stores shout out they they got a little bit of everything yeah it's probably like 12 bucks. Of course, the one battery size they didn't have at the liquor store was that fucking stupid square battery. And I said to the guy, do you have the square batteries here?

And the guy says to me, I don't think they make batteries in squares. Like, I'm an idiot. Like, I'm going and asking for something that doesn't exist. And I'm like, no, the little one you put in the smoke alarm things. And then he proceeds to peel his smoke alarm off the wall and show me that his takes AA batteries.

And I go, well, my fucking goddamn old ass smoke alarm thing takes stupid square batteries. But I'm surprised you didn't do what everyone else does, which is just rip it off the wall and put it in a drawer or a garage or somewhere where it can be forgotten. I did that. But I think there's a – even after I've ripped it off the wall and I still hide it away – like, I'm out of place now. At one point, my house had multiple air conditioners – air conditioners – multiple smoke alarms and multiple carbon monoxide detectors. They've all now slowly been ripped off of where they belong and put in drawers.

But even some of them, when they're ripped off and put in the drawer, they still let you know with that chirp, like, we're still – Yeah, I know. I feel like if it overpowers it, it gets stronger. And I'm like, you're not attached to wires and there's no battery. How are you still making this noise? But then also with kids, you do feel like a small responsibility to make sure those things are working. And there's been a few times where everyone in my house is complaining about headaches or something. And my wife's like, we have a carbon monoxide detector.

I'm like, we do, technically. But it's in a drawer in the garage. Yeah. No, I have one actually, a carbon monoxide one that plugs into the wall. Oh, that's nice. So it never runs out of battery. It must be nice. It just takes up a socket.

Johnny has joined us. jake has joined us we're all together for a little bonus chat right now hello everyone wanted to pose a question to you guys as jake cracks his patriotic beer is that a budweiser goddamn right it is 150 years okay it says around the can of budweiser uh johnny who changed the recipe from 150 years ago same one johnny who would you be the most embarrassed to take into your group of friends from the show if the if uh if you didn't preface it by saying i work with this person if one of us just showed up with you to your group of friends who would be the most embarrassing for you that's a toughie that's really a toughie oh it hurts all of our feelings i guess it might yes yeah i would

never i would never go to my friends again yeah i would have to imagine jake right yeah he's definitely one of the front runners yeah yeah definitely one of the front runners i think the better question would be who would you bring first yeah who would i bring i think i'd bring you yeah that's right that's right klein still got it baby i'm cool still got it get my skateboard out Let's go. Why wouldn't you bring Vanessa? Vanessa's the funnest plus one. No, she's not, though.

Yes, she is, because I brought her as a plus one to the water park, and everybody loved her, and I'm bringing her as a plus one to camping, and everyone's excited about it. I think you love her. No, she says all the friends give rave reviews to Vanessa. Yeah, they all were like, that girl's so funny. She's so much fun. I'm fun. She should totally come camping.

I think you get a tale of two Vanessas, because you know how we've gotten stressed out, overly worked Vanessa? This is the fun Vanessa. Yeah, fun Vanessa's fun, but fun Vanessa's not always fun. Johnny C. is the other side. Yeah, you don't want stress, Vanessa. I know that tomorrow on the show we're going to rank most least fun on the show. Who do we think is the most fun and who is the least fun?

And we can go ahead and save our list for tomorrow. I'm going to do his oldest lead. No, no, not doing oldest. We're doing fun. We're doing funnest. We changed that days ago at one of the meetings you didn't attend. Thank God that was hard for you. Thank God because I didn't understand that segment.

I was like, that is the dumbest thing. I was like, Jake's always the oldest one here, and I'm the youngest one here. Yeah, but it's not based on age. Old is not based on age because we all know people that are, quote, old. But I have a friend who is, God, I want to say he's, he was my friend's older brother. So this guy's got to be pushing 50, if not north of it. And he still lives his life like he's in his 20s. Yeah, I know.

In every possible way. Somebody like that, too. This is one of my cousin's friends, my hot cousin. He is at Vegas clubs every single weekend. He's paying for tables. He's fucking chicks. He's doing drugs. He's just living his best life like anybody in their 20s.

he seems so happy yeah i think it's i think it's easy for him he's just happy doing that right he's got to be covering something up because when i look at somebody that's like 40 and they're at bars or they're hanging out with kids in their 20s i'm like you sad miserable motherfucker yeah but then when i met him i was like this guy is so happy he's so happy he's so sociable he wants to be with everybody he just doesn't want to be sitting yeah he's just doing whatever he wants well the argument is always that eventually you age out of things and then you have to start doing adult once you start living like an adult you'll start doing adult things but doing adult things is what sucks the fun out of life more because now you've got obligations and responsibility and

like my wife was saying she's never had a good night's sleep ever since our kid was since our first daughter was born because you just now have a constant responsibility that's always taking up some part of your brain and if you can go through life without those things right you could argue oh you're leaving you're living a meaningless existence but you could also argue wow you get to have like kind of fun unadulterated fun forever that's great do you agree jake fuck yeah are you a portrait of happiness i love doing whatever the fuck i want i just go out to shows whenever i just i play cards whenever i do what i want it's fucking great come home to an empty bed it's fuck yeah i got the whole fucking bed a crack of beer when i want but then jake does

get to fuck random i mean he's got that succulent girlfriend now although is that thing on the outs Kind of. No, really? Why? What happened there? We'll get into it after break. What do you mean after break? She's not listening to the podcast, is she?

She doesn't listen to Showvertime? I don't know if she does, no. No, probably not. Showvertime's like a- So what happened? We flew a little too close to the sun, I think. She got a little too- You put it in the butt?

What does that mean? You put it in the butt. I think he got too sweaty. He got too sweaty. It got too hot outside and Jake sweat it. It's a condition. That's a condition. Go back.

That's 96 in Burbank. We started seeing more of each other and then it became a little bit too much. She got a little too attached. Oh, she got too attached? But she also kind of broke it off. I'm sure I'll see her again. Those both can't be true.

She got too attached and so she broke it off. I'm too in love. Get out of here. You're too beautiful. Pretty much that's what happened when we knocked the back out of that punani. You're talking about youngest, oldest? Talking about blowing out that punani?

That's got to be the oldest shit I've ever heard. Yeah, but maybe it's one of those things about to come full circle again. Hell yeah, I'm bringing it back. You're supposed to say you cracked. That's what they say nowadays. No, I'm not. I'm cracked. Cracked?

Jake, you think that she wanted more out of the relationship? Well, she did. She says so. She says that we want different things. You know, I want to try to get out of the city. Want a second room I can go into? Yeah. She needs walls and doorways.

I need walls. We just have different needs. I don't want emotional walls, but, like, actual literal walls. Oh, fuck. That's what you mean? Oh, sorry, babe. Ah, Jake, I'm sorry to hear that. It's fine.

I'm sure I'll see you again. Hey, there's more punani out there. Isn't that what they always say? The sea is full of punani? Yeah, that's what the saying is. Plenty of punanis. That's the website. That's the shirt at Venice Boulevard or whatever.

Yeah, all right. Well, watch out, punanis. Jake is on the prowl again. Poop punanis. So she wanted to be in a committed relationship, and you said, I don't want to do that? No, it wasn't so black and white. It was just like, I can read you the text, I guess, but it was. Yeah, read us the text.

That should be fun. Let's get into that. Does it have octopus emojis? You know, while Jake pulls out his phone to share with us the text in a moment, I just had a very strange thing that happened with a co-worker down the hall where a lot of times people like to do the thing where they say, hey, I want to show you something on my phone. Oh, my God. And you have to wait. And then you have to wait. But a lot of times you're sometimes they've got their phone out there and then you kind of see the things that they didn't want to show you on their phone.

could be their Instagram Explorer page, could be a random text or picture that was up, a website they were on before they get to the thing they wanted to show you. So a coworker who I will not say their name during the podcast, but you all know who they are, goes, oh, I want to show you this funny meme. Oh no, that's the worst.

Talking about LeBron and he goes, have you seen this meme? I go, which one? And he goes, let me show you. He pulls his phone out right in front of my eyes, pulls his phone and i see a text message that basically said well you can go fuck yourself and then followed by them quickly closing it that then opened up their instagram explorer page that was ass and titties and everything a lot of ass and titties from someone that you would not have

expected to have a lot of ass and titties can i guess who this is followed by oops oops and then and then uh look at this meme and it was just it was just lebron wearing a jersey and like a retirement cane it was so not worth any of that but it was i gotta write this down write down your bets who it was but it was wild and i was like uh and i hate doing that whenever i want to never want to say to someone i bring i want to show you something on my phone because they'll always gather they're not ready yet you know you gotta get your phone ready before you can have um that's why ali says i'm so afraid to show her my phone it's because i don't know what i don't know the last five things i've been to on my phone depending on that's a good guess who's your

guess let me see the guess i got one here's mine so far no he was writing down places for us to guess wait that's your guess right there yeah no no no i would have no really not him not him not him no i would have expected that from him that's what i thought yeah yeah that would have been unexpected has had like hey let me show you something and then he's got emails up on his computer that are like from the ceo and shit like that i'm always like trying to look and see if i can see anything oh yeah there was one time on his computer he was trying to look for something and i saw an email that came from um that basically said this is when they were going to replace us they were looking to replace us

pretty regularly and there was emails on the computer that basically said listen to this morning show from Chakot or some other morning show they were trying to

yeah right right there's my guess this guy no wrong are you serious wrong I'm telling you you will be surprised

at who it is that's why I was surprised that they had ass and titties but I think everyone Wayne I know sales lady yeah

Ali got it sales lady Becky yeah she loves it loves ass and titties can you write down who it was I might have some more clues

about this person He doesn't know his name. Yeah, exactly. I know the name. You got a drum. Let me see. I could probably. Whoa.

Oh, that was my next guess. Yeah, right. Oh, dude. Wow, really? Don't fuck yourself makes sense. That does make sense. It sure does. I feel like there are people that hate this guy.

Don't repeat it. Don't repeat it. Dude, I always had a suspicion that man. All right, spilling tea. Wow. I'm sorry, Jake. Read the text now that you got your phone out. Uh, the problem is I like you a lot, to the point where I'm thinking about us in the future.

Oh. But what I want is not what you want, so that makes me kind of sad, so I had to try my best not to like you so much, if that makes any sense. I mean, that's not hard. And I said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We can give you a list of 20 reasons. Yeah. None of us have had an issue of liking Jake too much.

I want the simple life away from people in the city. I want a home for me and my daughter. All things that are extremely hard to get, but are possible. I would never want you to change yourself. I don't think that's what you want the life I do, though. I don't think you want the life I do, though. This isn't that girl, the succulent girlfriend. Is that the mom tender?

No. Oh, it's not? No. There's already three major red flags that he brought up. I thought that was maybe who he was talking about. I don't know who this is that Jake's been seeing. What are the red flags? There's three red flags.

Okay, first of all, I think she's projecting. So I think she kind of turned you down away first because maybe she didn't want to. And I'm sorry I didn't say that. but I've heard and seen this one before, too. You tell somebody, hey, I really like you a lot, and I see us going somewhere, but I know you don't want it, so I think we should just end it now. That was the first red flag.

Second red flag, she has a kid. You don't ever want to pick up somebody else's saved game, playing a video game, if you want to use that as an example. That's a mature analogy right there. Anybody with kids has a red flag already. That they heard 30 years ago. And then the third red flag. Pick up someone else's saved game.

and knocked the back out of the punani because somebody else knocked the punani I'm gonna just say third red flag and the final red flag her texts are green

which means she's got an android big red flag all android people terrible I give a fuck all android people terrible is a tough

oh look I mean it is a bummer that she has a kid with a guy who's like a fucking shithead there's been numerous times where we're supposed

to hang out and have like a great night together and he like drops the kid off at school and says like peace I'm out for the weekend and she has to go

and, like, get the kid and, like, have... See, that's not her fault. Yeah, it sucks. And she lives far, and I get it. So, you know, like I said, I think we're still going to see each other, like, again. There's no excuse for the Android thing, but... Yeah, I still think the Android is the worst thing.

They used to have better phones forever. Android people just... They take better pictures for a long time. I was always jealous of... This is what Android people say. They always go, I know what you're thinking, but they're better. They're just better.

My phone bends. It slaps in half. This is my dad. My dad has always been anti it, but he grew up in the dot-com boom of Silicon Valley. He's got an old-school mentality. Steve Jobs was a joke. Nobody took him seriously. They thought he was a fucking loser, and they were all working for Memorex and Microsoft

and all these hot companies. He was like an IBM guy, wasn't he? Yeah, and it was like, dude, and it is that PCs and Microsoft, it usually is a better product, and that's why every building still has PCs. They don't run on Apple. Our whole operation runs on Dell here. Yeah, it is. I think it was because that was what it was built on,

and it was just too expensive to switch fucking systems. No, no, no. So I know another family friend who grew up in the 80s in Silicon Valley and stuff, and he still works in computers, and he was like, do you know how many times I have to go to buildings, big companies, and take out all of their Macs and replace them with PCs because they're so sick of having Apple products because every time there's an update, every time there's a thing,

they have to re-fucking-sync everything, they have to buy all new products. It's way too expensive for the company. And Microsoft and PCs just has a better long-lasting product. But these are the things. Like my dad, when he got me, like everyone was getting streaming services, he got me, like, a Chrome stick. You know, like he always gets me, like, the whole brand thing. And I'm like, God damn it.

I remember telling my dad, like, I want a MacBook. Apple TV. You're getting a Chrome stick. Do you get a Zune? And I'm like, they don't get viruses like PCs do. And he's like, well, if you have any problems with it, I can't help you. Yeah. Listen, I told Steve Jobs in 1973, he got some bugs here.

He was all high on ass, you know, fucking hippie. Sorry, not to derail. To go back to Jake's situation real quick. Do you still like Asian women? Sure. Wait, no, no, no. I like all women who fucking give me the time of day. Sorry.

What a great derailment. Sorry. because I might know somebody that lives in my building and if you're and or interested there is a goth baddie that works at the Whole Foods

that's next to me and she looks a little bit older not like my age older but like mid to late 30s kind of and I was like ooh I could totally see

with that kind of girl would you show her a picture of Jake and get her honest feedback I would actually yeah I think I have a good photo or two of Jake and Kibbe

so if when she sent you this text what was your response to it did you just thumbs up it did you say no come on emoji what did you say for real what did you say she felt like you actually cared about her

did you put up some sort of fight to kind of like no Jake's on fight dude Jake's not a fighter no I did I said uh let's go back to the fucking thing not now where my uncle's playing I'm about to buy an eyeball poster with hands leave me be

I said sure right now I'm nowhere near wanting or able to leave LA And she's like, yeah, I know. And I said, uh. No, you can still work. We'll let you leave LA. You can leave.

Oh, really? Yeah. Get out of here. You can leave right now. I said, I know that a while back you talked about moving and might still be planning on doing that because that's what, I mean, before I liked her a whole lot, she said that. And when she said that she might be moving in the new year, this is last year, she instantly got hotter to me.

I was like, oh, sweet. This thing has like a fucking. Shelf life. Shelf life. Oh, this is way better. Conjuring. Conjuring. So I don't have to like worry about getting a test.

but then I got kind of attached and then I wrote until that happens I would still like to see you and she says Jake I want to see you too hope you have a good night and I said you too sweetie

and then sweetie whoa man Jake who knew you had it in you interesting interesting development there

because you have an Apple device you can send with boner is that what it is yeah and then on her end it's going to come up as a huge link

I thought it was all caps you're going to fuck her up man well Jake I'm sorry I didn't realize you were going through all this. I know. Maybe that would explain what you were saying yesterday, Allie, when you said Jake has been so unfunny and off lately.

Yeah, I know. I didn't know. I say that every day. I didn't know what she was referring to. Today was better. Yeah, today was slightly better. You had one good singer near the end, but it was a lot of over-talk and a lot of misfires, but okay.

It happened. Now I know that you're going through some emotional stuff. I think in your dry spells, you're better on the air. Yeah, and you've had a lot of rage bait style tantrums lately, which people seem to enjoy. I don't know what it is about you having tantrums but full of shit

because what because you guys are full of shit that's why so do you want to are you doing it on purpose so do you want to pull the trigger

on the Asian girl I know or do you want to goth what do you mean pull the trigger I don't even know what she looks like

well if I send you a photo my front neighbor is Asian it doesn't mean I want to date her but she's not bad or what no she's not bad is she old no I still want to

fuck her Jake doesn't care really any he's got a preference though I don't care about any race at all as long as they're my type I just like petite women oh no fat bitches that's so weird

you're the most petite wife I've ever seen in my fucking life Jake Jake you have a thing now you just said you're happy you're open to anything at all I said any race that's true he did say race not size I'm uncomfortable by this Are we done asking questions about it?

I think I'm done. I don't want to keep poking around. I've still got some questions I need answered. Johnny knows a super fat Asian woman he'd love to introduce you to. God damn it, no. Well, if Asian ladies off the table now, you're talking about sizes. I can't. That one's off the table.

I'm looking for a chopstick, not a dumpling. Oh, all right. Chopstick. All right. Well, that's weird. All right. I'm uncomfortable now, Allie. So, if as a child you had to do foot binding, Jake's interested in you.

Oh yeah, Jake is looking for you. I didn't realize that Jake's got a type. I thought you were one of those guys who was more into personality than physical. Fuck no. Age preference or no? Well, yeah, yeah, age preference for sure. 30 and above?

At least, probably over 30. Over 30, okay. What is the ideal preference? Probably like 35 to 50. Oh, 50? 60 a deal breaker? Yeah, probably, yeah, yeah. Would you say that secondhand Cindy

is petite enough for you? Fucking Christ. wait why is 60 the deal breaker why is why wouldn't it be what about that 411 guy that called yesterday oh okay so it's in the barber uh the stool how how chopstick is he we didn't it can't be we didn't ask him yeah it can't be petite and also like as wide do women not past 60 not want to fuck anymore or what i think they do i'm sure they have no libido on that note we're gonna wrap it up i don't know what we accomplished today it was just getting good now it's uh 25 minutes of uh nonsense meandering and sorry about that and sorry

vanessa if you hear this and you don't like it if you're still listening vanessa will always send us a text after the show over time sometimes to say great episode loved it and then a lot

of times she'll say she was disappointed or tuned out early because I thought it was all going to be poop talk so but by this

rationale Jake finds you hot Vanessa yeah because you're petite Vanessa you're Jake's

type no but I think he means petite by like also also she's too tall she's too not too

sorry too no it's not too ethnic too curvy not too ethnic she doesn't have enough libido she's not

libido her libido is not strong enough libido yeah what was Jake saying because she needs to be she needs to be

no it needs to be hard to get what did he say he's into shelf life shelf life there needs to be like

that's where he gets turned on he likes a he really wants a transient is what he wants he wants someone that's just here temporarily and moving on to something else

that's not necessarily true you just said that's what turned you on the most When I wasn't attached to her, I had walls up because I didn't want to be attached emotionally to anything else back then. But now I actually have feelings for her. When your last girlfriend threw you out, did you cry? Did I cry? No.

Did I cry? I was fucking happy to get out of there. I was pissed off at myself for allowing myself to get in that situation. Right. And it was fucked up. And I thought she fucked me over. So you didn't cry, though? Fuck no.

You never talked to her since? I've never cried in my life. Never cry over a bitch, man. I can't cry over that shit. You've never cried in your life? Never, man. You never go to one of those weird concerts you go to? I only cried when I watched Missing in Action 1 and Missing in Action 2 with Chuck Norris.

That's the only time I ever cried. Goddamn. He's single, ladies. Missing in Action, how appropriate. Are you a chopstick drifter with no values? Are you a fan of Chuck Norris and don't have any sort of actual resonance? Don't get me started. Petit with a nose ring.

Don't get me started. Jake's looking for you. All right, on that note, that's going to wrap up this episode of Klein Alley Showvertime. And thanks for hanging out. Wrap up Jake's Seth's life. We'll see you next time.