Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - SHOVERTIME 8-12!

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

In today's bonus episode we mainly just talk about sex. Sex, sex and more sex. Who is having it, who wants it more (Klein) and how mush is too much

All right, welcome to Showvertime, episode number, let's see, no one cares, it's just Klein for right now, but that's going to change in moments, Allie is waddling down the hall, she said to allow her a little extra time because she got that pregnancy waddle, that's not what, those are my words, not her words, hold on, she's texting now, or her finger is just stuck on the bubbles. Regardless, here we are to talk about some uncensored shit and some behind-the-scenes stuff and anything else we got going on that was not fit for the high-quality radio show that we put on daily on KROQ. I knew you'd make it within one minute of me starting to talk. And here she is, folks.

Hello. Fresh from the can where she was dumping out. Please. Oh, she was not. She wishes. That would be nice. I think it's been like three days. Oh, man.

She has backed up, folks. Here she is. It's Allison Johnson. Oh, this chair is... Working overtime. That chair deserves Employee of the Month. This chair's got grit. You sitting here.

It does now. And discharge. Oh, my God. This is an uncensored podcast. That's disgusting. How are you? People have said lately that you are funnier, and I don't want to say I told you so,

but I have been making the point now, and I do think you've been very funny. I always find you funny. I mean, some days are duds. Yeah, some days are. But you've been very funny lately. I've laughed harder than I've, more consistently than I've laughed in a while.

So either my standards are going lower or you're getting fatter. Yeah, well, you know what's funny is that I weighed myself. That's what's funny, fat. But it's funny because I talk to people out in the break room and they're like, we can't tell.

And I'm like, you're fucking lying. It's a state of mind though. fat is a state of mind that's my point you don't have to be physically fat to be funny state of mind wise i'm like that woman from this is us yeah yes that's right yeah she's the one who's the only person i know that beat ozempic somehow she beat it it's like you can't work on me she just revealed that she's on weight loss drugs so anyway uh but yeah i don't know i think also i was feeling like complete shit for a long time so then i was like fuck i really need to like focus and try like i've been i think making up for it by really trying to focus on what is

happening in the studio because i'm just i just feel so bad so i feel like i'm counteracting it somehow but could just be the fatness yeah keep doing what you're doing i mean there's a while where i was going oh thank god i was gonna take some time off from maternity leave uh now i'm dreading it because uh you've been uh delivering some some great uh some great zingers and people have now changed apparently this week they have stated that their favorite part of the show which used to be kind of us all ganging up on Jake has now shifted to you

specifically ganging up on me. And, you know, Omar is such a turncoat that he'll just jump and gang up on whoever's being ganged up on, which seems to be the survival of the fittest mentality anyway. I think it was his turn.

That's why he's not here. They're going to come after me today. I'm going to call him sick. Yeah, every once in a while. Johnny, out of curiosity, Johnny's entered the chat now. Hello. You were asked to put some audio in

at six o'clock this morning. Hold on. it's now 11 10 is the audio in yet or no before we start bitching hold on i came in here i loaded four to five i think it was four pieces of audio labeled it everything had it recorded and then when i was done i knock on the window and sell alley we're in the system we're great and i made sure it was klein alley folder and i checked klein alley i even checked klein folder i checked the kp file too that was down there audio was nowhere to be found and i labeled it saved it and it was in there and i know you've had your problems with voxpro before where you're like oh the

fuck was here no it's not now i understand what you mean like that and what's live on the air i'm like what the fuck vanessa's like okay let's switch i'll go find it and then she comes in and i was like bro i swear it saved and it was there all four files all labeled perfectly gender reveal newscast this gender reveal plane crash gender reveal man blows up in his garage perfectly to a t i was just like but you keep saying the word perfectly but did perfectly but it wasn't there and i was like what the fuck where does this shit go yeah the perfect part would have been yeah and i was like yeah and i was like pissed because i was like what the fuck dude i literally like so when you came back in here it was no longer in vox it wasn't in any of the files and

i checked all the fucking files i even checked my folder i was like oh maybe i put it in the postmaster not there at all so then when that happened did you start the process over again i was just like let me just fucking re-record this shit i was like i'm not gonna get justin vanessa couldn't even find it either i was like let me just fucking redo it again and i was like you know what they already talked about it maybe they'll talk about it again let me just have it before somebody says something it's still not in it's it's in there i put in like it's not i checked it right before we left the studio well i did three more and vanessa saw it too so i don't mean i don't know i mean i literally don't know what to say like i'm not gonna overexhaust myself

trying to explain like it was literally there and i've done it twice now so both times it's not been in there literally and you could see the links of where i pulled it off the google uh app right there on the computer i still have the links open to all three youtube videos but but don't you know we've talked about this before because unfortunately it sucks to lose audio and it sucks to think you recorded stuff and it's not there and it sucks when it's live but if it doesn't it sucks to lose faith it doesn't if it doesn't make it to air it's like it never happened no matter how much effort or work went into stuff yeah that's what pissed me off because i was more internalized like fucking mad at myself because i was like what the fuck i did everything correctly right

Well, except the most important step, which was getting us the audio. Yeah, that was the one I couldn't fucking. I was like, I don't know. That was the one. That was like, it's not my fucking day, dude. I was like, I literally did everything correctly. Yeah, sometimes I will say this. There's something fucking wrong.

This studio is cursed or something. It's got a mug stank or a curse or something where it will separate from the other machines. Things, shit will not work. This is why they moved our podcast to this shitty room. We had a nice little setup before. We didn't know what was going on. Remember, we had no idea what was going on and why we had been kicked out of our little room.

We just assumed that we were at the beginning of the separation from us, but that's what they do. They move you from a big studio to a small studio to the parking lot to your key card doesn't work, and then that's the end of it. But here we are now, huddled together. Jake has entered the chat. What's up? Hey, Jacob.

Hello. Promo in? It is. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Can you hear our voices? I believe you can. All right.

Jake's method has usually drowned us out with background noise. That's a good bit. That's a good bit. That's why they can't judge the show. So in all seriousness, I do hope all three of you guys come to the pool party, the practice pool party on Friday. I'm seriously there. I'm actually looking forward to this. Because I think it's going to be more of a celebration of some of the stuff that we've accomplished this year as a show.

It'll be a nice casual hang without the obligation that comes with the entertaining of other people. We do feel, in all seriousness, I don't think this is a bad thing. But when we hang out with listeners, which is a lot of fun, I think we all feel a little bit obligated to try to entertain them as opposed to with each other. We could not Jake. Jake does not have any. Jake's in the parking lot eating a donut. No pressure. But Ali, don't you feel that there you feel if people go out of their way to come and meet us at anything, we feel like we should do more than just stand there. We should try to engage. We should try to make it fun. yeah of course i mean the beauty of the just being the show is that we won't feel the need to do anything but here's what i was thinking what if we pivot your party completely from a

pool party to a nap party and we just all take naps i don't trust sleeping around you guys wait we all come over to my place and we nap i love that we could just put pillows out on your couch and just all take a good solid nap uninterrupted couch for sleeping good good amazing couch for napping. And we'll have someone grill carne asada just so we can smell it. Smell carne asada while we nap? My cousin can still drop off the food. He keeps calling me. Just get a carne asada scented candle. I mean, everyone's taking sleep-cations

now instead of vacations where it's just all about sleep. Why aren't parties all about sleep? No, that fucks up my plan. I'm going to nap after this. Yeah, because we are... I'm not going to double nap. I did pick up a... I'm sure if anyone can do it, it could be you. Surprise, Jake. I did pick up yesterday because I saw a six-pack of beer you like. Oh, you did? Yeah.

Oh, thanks, man. Not the Francis Flopper, the other one. What, Hen Stefano? No, no, sorry. Weiss Stefano? No, that's not. The Fax Stefano? Actually, I didn't get your beer at all.

But weiss, that's what I got. You know what? I actually did not get any of those beers. I forgot the name. I got wine. You like White Claw, right, James? No, no, I got the main one you like. Are you going to make me a mocktail?

Francis Conner. I got a big old plan for Allie. I was going to do a pregnancy buffet, which is going to be all pregnancy-approved foods. What about me? What do you got for me? Yeah, you'll eat whatever's left. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, there's some Uncrustables in your freezer. Yeah, yeah, Johnny. There's going to be, we got some of those Hoffie hot dogs. You got mac and cheese? All the snacks your kids don't like, just throw them at Johnny. Yeah, I just load it up on them. I got the best snack. Right now, my snack game is an A plus because back to school, so it was a lot of snacks.

They'll all get eaten pretty quickly, but for right now, at least probably until Friday, we'll have good snacks. Well, you guys have families. I want to ask you, like, how often do you guys go to the grocery store? Six times a day. six times because I'm averaging out like three to four trips a week and it's only me and my girlfriend you know you guys got I used to be a Costco member not to brag Ali but when I was single single I was a Costco member and the thing I hated about going to Costco is that I felt like

I couldn't really take advantage of most of the things there because yeah you're only one person and I had a hard time like convincing myself as to why I needed like 19 gallons of gravy you know I remember back then I didn't have room for anything right that's the other thing I can't have this giant pack of toilet paper, I have no place to put it. Yeah, I mean, especially if you're not shitting for three, four days. You're backed up. Why are you backed up?

I'm always backed up, but when there's something growing that's like a grapefruit size inside of your stomach, it pushes your digestive system and it makes everything happen slower, even slower. Really? I'm going to be getting a lot of prunes for Allie. I hate that. All the stuff that makes you poop, I don't like.

Metamucil? You want some metamucil? How about a good old-fashioned stress? Why don't you just touch her? Jake has like the Midas touch for shits. You know what used to help me a lot was drinking. But I can't do that. And smoking, which I can't do also. And I can't take any medication for it because the doctor won't approve it.

How about snorting Adderall? That used to work for me. That should work. I smoked two cigarettes for you over the weekend. You did? Went to a Silver Lake party and they gave out free cigarettes. That's how you know it's a fucking fancy party. You smoked cigarettes?

Yeah. I took two because I was like, well, they're fucking here. I got to do it. It's free. The drinks are free. the tacos are free I was like pass me two of those

stokes right there got one lit it up and I was like and I just held it and I just held it the rest of the time I look cool

you didn't impale it did you smoke it yeah I smoked it yeah and then I took five home what four I don't know they were free

I had to take them home so where do you keep the loose cigarettes now in your house next to my candle on my little altar that I got alright

this is my point is that I think people would be greatly disappointed if it were come to my backyard and hang out and watch Johnny sit there with his loose cigarettes and Jake

talk about how the pools are for children and Allie talk about how she can't shit and I think that and I'd be running inside my wife yelling it's loud I'm tired and then I would go so it would be are you going to be bogged down by

having to do things or are you going to be able to hang out with us? I'm going to delegate okay that's the same that's the same thing i think what does that mean to yourself i'm gonna delegate to myself i mean it's the wrong word i'm gonna do this stuff but i'm gonna not delegate that's the wrong word i'm gonna um pre uh pre-planned about so on friday please don't go over the top hosting like just just be able to chill i'm gonna i want it's us i want to bring in really i want to bring in a nice feast for us to eat the cake for omar which will be funny but we'll eat it. It's going to be...

What flavor? What flavor? Carvel. What the fuck is that? Nice. I love Carvel. I knew Allie would be so excited. Oh, wait. What's Carvel? Carvel is really good. Oh, really good. And the ice cream cake specifically. Hard to track down. East Coast, but hard to get anymore. Most locations down here shut down already, but it's good. Fudgy the Whale. Look up Fudgy the Whale. Okay.

Let me see. Fudgy the Whale. We getting my pizza again? We're going to get something better than your pizza. I don't want to eat your pizza. Allie's over pizza. I'm going to make you poop. Jake, you're going to like it. You're going to like it. I'm just saying. There's going to be a spread of stuff. In fact, I thought about, because Omar's not going to come to his own birthday party, I thought

it'd be funny if we got all of his favorite things, like Porto's and shit, and we had all of Omar's favorite. There's fudgy. Wow. This thing will clog a toilet for sure, Ali. Come on, you've got to eat some of this. So it's going to be great. It looks the same way coming out. And I want you to know, and I don't know if this is pregnancy approved

or not, I did pick up a pool volleyball net. Cool. Now I can do everything. But what if we spike the volleyball in your stomach? She's under the water. Well, yeah, my stomach I think I'll be in the water. It's all right. Jake, do you think pool volleyball is for children?

Anything in a pool is for kids, yeah. So you won't, you would not? Pools and dads. If you're a dad, you have a kid, your kid's in the pool, you're allowed to be in the pool. But just grow them in by themselves, just by themselves in a pool is fucking wild. You ever take your dogs swimming? No, she fucking hates it. How do you know?

She's been. Well, there's been twice. When I first year, I had her. She tried to drown herself the first time. Yeah, she's fucking. She keeps tying a toaster to her neck. Goddamn life vest keeps putting me back up. Sounds like she would love it

I took her Well one it's What I took her is The river's cold She hates it She doesn't like getting wet She tolerates getting wet When I give her like a bath

But then like one year I took her to the Kern And Kern was a pretty warm river And I was like I'm sorry I asked this question Here we go man Long explanation Anytime the story goes to Kern

Give me sweet relief I could use a river Hang on Hang on She has a life vest And I kind of just threw her in there And she just made a beat line right back to the shore. Oh, wow.

She's like, fuck this. Yeah, because at first they freaked out by it. I don't think little dogs, I think, like water less. Did you do that funny thing with her legs where they kick real fast as she's trying to swim? Oh, yeah, if you hold her right above it? Yeah. I think so. I love that. That's the funniest move ever. They're like, don't fuck, don't go, but I'm going to hit it.

It's so funny, every once in a while they get a little splash and it freaks them out even more than it'll do to their paw. Yeah, well, I was going to set up the hot tub, since it's going to be too hot for a hot tub. I can't hot tub. And now they can't do that. And I was going to say that it was like a little doggy pool for my dog and your dog.

Your dog goes to the pool? Hates it, but he'll do it. So why would we force him to do it? Let's torture our dogs together. Because once they get out, they get to shake and it's all fun. Because you put shirt and sunglasses on them. It's a great picture. No, if I get her into like a pool or anything, I'm going to have to give her a bath afterwards

because then she's going to reek like chlorine. And then Megan Holiday. Johnny, you invited Megan Holiday? Sure, yeah, I'll do it. Okay. Yeah, I'll hit her up. Yeah, I'll hit her up. And I'd say it was cool if the Bud Light Bros come.

Let them know. Great. I would have no problem, to be honest. I don't want to start playing favorites, but I'm telling you right now, if I were to read you through my DMs, it's all these people that we have met over the years. Some of them are like, I haven't listened to you guys. We had people reach out to me and say,

I want to drive down from San Francisco, come to the pool party. And they think it's like a VVVIP situation because it's really just. And then I started going, I can't. If I allow one person, you've got to allow everyone. Yeah, you can't choose. I'm on thin ice at home as is. Why? I'm just always on thin ice.

The ice has never been thick. I've never had thick ice. I don't know how it feels like. Well, it seems like you're always going over the top and doing stuff. You took him back to school shopping yesterday. Yeah, but that was once again, I forget what I had done wrong the day before, but that was kind of a make good for something else I did the day before. Was it when you were caught masturbating?

We didn't talk about that. yet on the air but i did get it was really annoying too because i tried to pull my pants up and i caught on my own knees so i so which was such an embarrassing move because i i went to pull them really quickly you pull your pants all the way down yeah my pants were down around my ankles yeah and i was not i didn't go in there with the intention to masturbate i was I was I don't know what I was doing I was scrolling through

Instagram or something I was looking at the mannequins on the Old Navy website and then I realized I kind of said to myself I have a little window now and and that right when I

finally got to the place of alright I'm going to do this quickly she like she must have known I was up to something because I didn't hear I could usually hear footsteps

I heard no footsteps and all of a sudden the door just opened and I thought I had locked the door so I just did this quick pull up and my shorts got over one knee

but not the other knee and then I just did this double tug and she's like, seriously? She was so disgusted. What are you doing in here? You know like the Ben Stiller movie? You're like, no, shut up! She goes, don't you have anything better to do

during the day? She's like, why would you do this right now? She's like, I'm home. She had her assistant over working. Whoa, really? See, I would never do it when anybody was in the house, ever. She's yelled at me before

when my kids had been home. how's that at the time did you have sex though in the same hotel room as your kid had she didn't want to she didn't want to but you said you did though

he wanted to I wanted to yeah I pushed her on it and she kept saying that she was so I mean I think I eventually wore her down enough but it was not

oh fuck Jesus she did not enjoy that then no no no I would never be able to enjoy it knowing that my kids were right next to me and then that's the

worst kind of sex when a chick's not into it it's like why am I even fucking doing this I know you don't see it in my I can muscle through isn't that rape

It's not rape. Hold on. Jake's saying it like he's done it all the time. It's not rape. No, the issue is though. Is that rape of being virginally consensual? She said to me in a legitimate real conversation, she said,

most women are never completely out of their heads enough to really ever be like, if I'm lucky, my brain turns off pretty easily, clearly. And if I'm doing that, I don't have the same, I don't have enough blood to operate my brain and my penis. So it's going to go to the penis and the brain is completely on shutdown mode.

Whereas she says that even, she's like, I talked to a lot of my friends, a lot of women, even if it's happening, they're usually thinking, I need this to end so I can get on with my list of things to do. Well, I don't think that I think about when is this going to end or anything like that. But my wife definitely has a, are the windows drawn? Is this too loud? um you know is the tv like there's all these things that she's thinking about the scenario and i'm like will you fucking stop right like you're fucking ruining it for me and like i want

to if we're having sex and our kid is asleep he doesn't fucking hear us like don't this is the time where you're not a lot you don't have to think about anything it's nighttime like what are we doing here you know and so i i get pissed because i'm like let's be in the moment why are you're doing all these things to take me out of the moment. We got a flow going. Right, right. Yeah, we were on the couch

watching some show one time and it was a hot show, it was a hot scene and I tried, and you know, you always say that that's a great catalyst to it. It is, yeah.

Started going down and then she's like, we can't, what if the kids wake up and walk down? I go, what has that ever happened? There's so many what ifs, right?

Well, there's a lot of what ifs. Sure, what if? What if we... She doesn't want to give Wesley that traumatizing moment of walking in on your parents. Have we all had it? He's four,

He doesn't know what the fuck he's even... Jake, you've had it, right? I've had what? Sex? Walked in on your parents? You've had it, right? Yeah. You've walked in on your parents before?

I have not. If I have, I've blocked it out of my memory. Allie, you did? You must have. Your mom and Steve? Not walked in on, but heard. Heard? Yeah.

But even earlier, Dad? She hears it all the time. Earlier, Dad? Like, not Steve, though? My dad, I have heard with my stepmother. Because I was right next door to their room. You heard your... She keeps twitching now.

she's literally twitching it's not that's crazy work and it was weird sounding yeah i remember like one time and i don't think no i really am convinced my parents only had sex the three times they made me and my sisters but one time i definitely had like a nightmare in the middle of the night at least i thought i did before i saw what i saw and then that's really what the nightmare was and i walked in and they were my dad was i remember him like on top of my mom and then he like looked up and he like looked up at me and it was like a lock

eye moment and I hear like my mom said like Raj what and then and then and then he looked at me and I like knew I don't know what I don't think I knew what was happening I knew like I wasn't supposed to see it

remember how old you were I mean I want to say nine or seven or something like that but it was like it definitely took a toll on me and then i just like remember like i remember like closing the door and just like standing there outside the door like oh my god i didn't really know what it was i think they hit me later in life what i had walked in on but it really and i brought that up since and he claims that that didn't happen but of course you would say that yeah of course but it definitely happened

and then i i showed you guys this past weekend uh i accidentally went switched from a phone call to facetime oh right and face or they actually only switched to facetime and they were both laying in the bed under the sheets but they appeared to be naked and I asked them about that

what time of day was it like for us dinner time so 9pm their time so maybe they were just going to bed

no no they wouldn't sleep naked my mom wears like a nightgown like she's from the fucking 50s oh really like a nightgown

like a matching night hat like separate beds and everything yeah yeah it's like a whole get up she has like a whole

it's like a Lucy and Ricky situation yeah so I don't know what was going on But then she said, because my kid saw. Man, good for them. But I don't think it's possible. Maybe it was the Nirvana shirt my dad bought.

Got her in the mood. Well, maybe, yeah. He's cool again. He's, like, retired now, and he's trying to get off her ski. But my kid saw them on FaceTime and said, are you guys naked? And my mom said, no. And she said, prove it. And my mom goes, I'm not going to prove it.

Goodbye, and hung up the phone. Wow. That's hilarious. So clearly she was then. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Otherwise, she would have disrobed. I mean, your dad's probably like you. I don't think so.

I found Viagra one time. He needed Viagra. He had Viagra. I don't know if he needed it, but he had it. I found it in his drawer. You probably do, too, somewhere. No, no. I've used it before recreationally, but I don't need it.

I'm still going to need it. No, I know you don't need it, but that doesn't mean it's not in your house. Allie, come over here. Feel this. Rock hard. Good God. Dang. But, yeah, so I don't.

John, do you think your mom saw sex? No, my parents have been divorced. No, I know that. I was like, I wish my parents loved each other. I know they're divorced, but you think your mom's getting it? I don't live with her anymore. Once again, none of these are the questions. Oh, no.

Nowadays, no. You don't think they do? I don't think so at all. I don't think I've ever walked in on them either. I think no one thinks their parents are, but they have to be, right? Well, I think they're human because the older I get, I'm like- I think they're human. Yeah, because as a kid-

That's a bold statement, Johnny. Yeah, as a kid, you don't conceptualize your parents as adults. and then until you actually become an adult then you realize like oh shit they're like me they're like figuring out for the first time too it's their first time living also so like i don't think they are though so either your parents still gotta get busy no i do not think so uh uh one my mom sleeps in the fucking living room because my dad has sleep apnea and wears like that fucking darth vader mask um and so they haven't even slept in the same bed for i have to imagine at some point you you're married you're having you start dating like jake you're in this new

relationship now kind of you're having sex a lot probably right i was like fucking like yeah broke my dick off oh i'm sorry this is weird because like you guys are like family so like when i hear this shit i'm like no but but but at some point right it goes numerous times a night for numerous nights all right and that's normal that's a beginning of relationship you're dating yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then, but then at some point, right, that will become once a week and then once a month. And then at some point, right, like- You're wondering, hey, it's been over a month.

What's going on? It's been a year. It's been two years. I mean, I was talking to this, my wife and I are in this couples therapist. She goes, the couple I was on before you, because I think it was some conversation about he wants to have sex all the time. That's all he cares about. And I'm like, what'd you say?

And she said, the couple that was on before you, she's like, has not had sex in five years. Whoa. And they're like in their 30s or something. Like mid-thirties And I'm like, whoa Is it okay for them to tell you that? I don't think she should be telling you that They can't tell you who the person is

But I started going like, hmm That is the problem with most married couples You don't have that problem, which is good It's good that one person always wants to have sex Well, as soon as I moved in with my ex It was over As soon as you moved in You've never had sex in that new place, ever

In her house, never You and your wife could go months though without anyone bringing it up right i mean now things are different because you're all preggo and stuff well i mean well while we were doing ivf and everything yeah there was like a big drought just because i felt like shit and there was a lot of that going on um but now no now we're actually pretty good but yeah we could easily go over a month and not realize and who would say who would say one of us will be like one of you we haven't had sex in forever like we need to have sex so sometimes sometimes you would say and sometimes she would say yeah one of us will bring it up

The problem is I'm always the say it guy. Yeah, but I would probably appreciate that. No, no, she says, but she's like, why are you, she says, you're always keeping track. But also too, like, you're a lesbian though, so like, you're a woman, so like, you don't have the libido like a dude would. You're a lesbian, you're a woman. Yeah, we don't. So then they call it lesbian bed death because two women could easily just get sidetracked

with other things and not think about it. And then we have sex and we're like, this is great. Wow. And then we're like, we should do that. And then sometimes the next day I'm like, oh, we should do that again. That was so great. you know like we did have sex i think a few days ago and it was great and i was like oh this was just awesome we should do this more often it's like seeing a friend and being like oh i love

this friend we should see each other more often and then you just for it just goes back everybody does it nightly though i thought it was kind of like brushing your teeth every night before you go to bed because you're you're in the sweet spot now your new relationship just moved in together not different than jake just moved in but uh that's the sweet spot every night like brushing teeth and then and then and then somehow you skip a night and then you go hey you know what that was actually kind of nice one every once in a while i was like oh thank god get some electrolytes back but then but that's not listen i believe that it's not i think that used to be the most important thing i mean for i don't think it's the most important thing i don't think it's ever been

the most important thing in my relationship i've had other relationships that were very much based on sex and ours never has been so you believe where in the list of things is it like is it top five important then yeah i think it's top five definitely top five for sure probably five but like our ability to be with each other to have fun together could it go do things we like the same things we like doing the same things we talk well like the things we have in common all of that and the way we communicate all of that's the most important we have the same values and parenting styles all those things are more important to me than sex more important and against longevity yeah because the sex part like i enjoy the sex and it's good but it's not like

oh, my God, this is the best sex I've ever had. Like, I've had much better sex with other people. Did you say that to her often? There was a girl where I dated, and we just had sex all the time. That's all we ever did. And then I realized after a while. Well, it's like she was fine enough, but then I kind of realized, like, oh, I don't even really think I even like this person.

And, like, she was kind of lame and not really good with my friends, and I was just kind of like, okay. And once that wore off, I was like, I'll see you later. That was Tina. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, the sex was great with Tina? based on that.

Ridiculous. The texting was terrible, though. And the, no, the... You realized she was annoying? Or, like, she was just, like, hanging out with my friends, whatever, I was like, she was saying outlandish shit,

I'm like, what the fuck are you... Outlandish in what way? Like, I voted for Kanye, shit like that. Oh, God. Well, I bet you... You're like, she's really good with sex, okay?

Oh, let's just go to the room. She also, we also, she also got, I took her to the Deftones, Mars Volta show at the Forum. Right. And, because Deftones is her favorite band,

and Mars Volta's mine, and she got fucking obliterated and fell asleep during the incomplete all during Mars Volta woke up for Deftones and just talked shit

about Mars Volta the entire fucking night oh man it was fucking terrible that's the last that's the last week when we hung out and then you went home

and you fucked believe so yeah I know they did that night of that show it was raining fucking hard so I was like oh he went home and he fucked

for sure well but Ali claims there's more important things at least for me I'm right there with her though She's not completely wrong, because I need to have somebody I come home to that I look forward to seeing.

When your dick stops working, you're still going to want to be around the person. Like, you've got to have the compatibility, and it's got to be, like, your best friend kind of shit. But I will say, like, it's something that we need to get better at. We just both need to make more of an effort. Well, this interesting theory that I was reading about, you know, I like to send these articles to my wife, and she hates them, is the 72-hour theory. and apparently

I would feel so much pressure the 72 hour oh my god do you know I'd be like is it 72 hours again it's every

you must be intimate every 72 hours and that means sex no I don't think it means sex oh what does intimate mean it's like kissing

and hugging and stuff and that's fine anything that is intimate that does not necessarily mean penetration that can be part of it that's the best stuff

obviously so if she just kisses you good morning like have a good day at work bye see you later well this morning she woke up before I woke up. Sorry, I woke up and she was already

up and she goes, hey, I thought it'd be nice if I woke up so we could... Wow. I thought she meant sex. I thought sex. And she said, so we can talk before you leave for work. Talk? Damn, that's lame. Who the fuck wants to talk when they just woke up? That's what I said. I said to her, are you serious? Talk for a living. Yeah, I'm on my

way to my job. Guys, I gotta go talk for four and a half hours. Dude, my wife woke up at the same time as me the other day and I was like, what the fuck are you... Go back to sleep. It was so fucking weird. And then she's like talking i'm like i'm doing my makeup i know way as much as we get like i'm getting ready i want my space we get ready in the middle of the dark and we don't you know none of us can really get dressed in our own bedrooms because we don't wake anyone up and and you know i made that yeah that's weird as shit but i get ready in the kitchen but i will say there is there is something

very strange about all of a sudden when it's like like this morning she's like you can i'm up you can get ready here i'm like no i want to i want to scurry downstairs and get dressed in a corner I don't want to do this It's like seeing a personal trainer in regular clothes You're like what are you doing You're at Chipotle That's weird Anyway that's what we got for you today

Now you've learned a lot about us Everybody's different and everyone's Here's the thing though If we're able to pull off And I think we are going to be able to pull off this thing that we're planning Which will happen before Labor Day We're trying to get together to At least tell you more about it by Monday or Tuesday

Oh, we think we can talk about it publicly that soon? I think so. Because we definitely have a cool – we've got to make the pieces all match together now. And it has to happen soon because their whole thing is let's just – oh, we can try to figure it out for November. We're like, no, no, it has to happen this summer. And we think the venue is as good as ours if we want it, which would be cool because it could definitely hold way more people than my backyard. and uh and then we think we have a we think we have a band on lock too which would be also better than pretty good the bud light bros dj i still want to get this magician to come by you should

still get them as a magician just because i want vanessa to see a magician the magician i want to watch vanessa be blown away but i could also do i feel like i could do magic like i do magic sometimes for my dog where i pretend to throw a sock and i put on my head and do this and he's like blown away and you can't find the sock anywhere i feel like vanessa would also fall for that i still have that we've never done i have one really good car trick oh i have my kids magic kit it's like all the most they even have one of those like fake plastic thumbs oh man blown away and it's like here's this little cotton ball inside the cups like it's all the most basic tricks but when you do them correctly the first somebody like vanessa would be like

blown away. How did that happen? She may fucking put some more of that voodoo shit on us. Jake, are you pulling all of her voodoo and all of the things she's been saying to us lately on the show? Oh, this morning I pulled the witchy whatever she said. Yeah, there's a new one she gave us today.

And then yesterday she said wishy... Yesterday it was wishy-wooshy or something. But today there was something she threw at us again. I don't even know what that was. Yeah, I marked them down. She just killed someone in her family. Some random people are just dropping dead. What happened? I don't know.

Vanessa said one of those curses again from the old one. Every 72 hours. Is this your guys' first coworker you've ever worked with that's had a thick accent like that? No. No. Really? Quite the opposite. But she's definitely the funniest.

By far. And her accent, unlike everyone else I've worked with, gets progressively worse every month. Yeah. Yes, I've worked with people that have very heavy accents, but haven't said the words so incorrectly. but i also love today was so great when she goes i didn't understand myself either i like kind of like grew up with people like this so like i don't understand it the way you guys do just like i have like well she'll yell at you in spanglish dude sometimes i'll hear her do that uh johnny i don't know stupid though stupid though he's stupid though and then she'll say

something in english yeah but like i was like i don't get it like this is like somebody i grew up with like my whole life and that's why i feel like this is the first like being you guys have worked with where you're like oh shit no no well i worked in the restaurant industry yeah but they weren't like talking to you like hey what up of course they were yes they are well he was smoking weed with them in the fucking back of the kitchen absolutely and cigarettes cigarettes all that shit yeah it was like everybody spoke exclusively spanish there and then if i spoke english to anybody it was with a very very heavy accent because none of them ever had to speak english to anybody else damn but i learned a lot i learned like conversational words and you know i learned

where's the chicken on the side yeah but yeah vanessa vanessa is less about her all the table where it's less about her a thick ass accent and it's more about how i think it's the combination of her brain that's the thing it's it's the it's the brain it's funny because when she says things like it's the chicken there's nothing wrong with how she says it's the chicken it's the idea that she's eating it she's going ham on a piece of chicken at seven in the morning trying to hide the fact she's eating the chicken and then we call her out on it and then she says i only like chicken a normal amount what's crazy is you guys don't hear the amount of time she asked me to fucking spell words yeah like like for years and i haven't well i can't judge on that i have a list

in my office of every simple word she's asked me i haven't told her this either she doesn't even know i have this give me some what's on the list i have to think now because it's like simple fucking words it's like i think ocean was one i think it's a tough one is it an s is there a c No one knows. The other one was Harry. She's like, how do you spell Harry? There's a couple different ways. And I was like, Vanessa.

But she's not wrong. Harry the name or Harry like the body? No, but like simple words. There's like more words. I have to go find the list. But like, I was like, bro. I won't judge that. I bet you.

I think we did a spelling bee of Vanessa versus Klein. And I think there was a lot closer than it should have been. But did she beat me, Allie, in the spelling bee? Vanessa versus me? God, I can't remember. Yeah, I don't remember that either. I don't remember. We might have to do a rematch.

We both lost. Rematch. Speaking of rematches The dumb off is coming up I think next week Because back to school time Is here So Allie and Johnny

Study up Incline I'll study up on I'll just google World's dumbest riddles Stupid riddles That's right They're not riddles

How about we have My English teacher Come on I'm going to give you A practice one Johnny Right now I gave this one to Allie I want to see how you do

I want to see how you do Go ahead Really fuck ass riddle Go ahead What is it You're born on a Saturday What color was the Doctor's underwear

That delivered you what is it you're born oh it is born of course here we go you're born in 1980 like you

okay you die in 1987 okay but you are 23 years old when you die how is this possible you born on a leap year

no there you go wait say it again say it again you see it's one of those I know the answer because he gave this to me

hold on oh you're born in 1980 it's gonna piss you off okay You die in 1987. But when you die, you're 23 years old. How is that possible?

Oh, you're a dog. There you go. You're a dog. Dog years. Stupid, bro. Also, too, seven years. It's not a dog. Yeah, I was like, the math is wrong on that.

Seven times. Am I overthinking this and thinking about, like, traveling at the speed of light to a different planet? Wow. Cool. Because time is relative? You know what's funny? My original answer was interstellar.

Yeah, because interstellar. I was like, because you traveled and then all this time passed on Earth, but it didn't for you. Yeah. See, this is not a riddle. This is a riddle. This is what you call a way to use your brain differently. That's what riddles are. So imagination.

We're using our imagination kind of. It's not imagination. Because when I tell you the answer, you're going to say, oh, yeah, that makes sense. No, you're going to say, that's fucking stupid. Yeah, it's going to be dumb, but go ahead. What's the answer? Go ahead. It's the room number.

It's hospital room numbers. Huh? Hospital room numbers? you die I didn't think that part would be so troubling for Johnny you die in 1987

that's a room number in a hospital room 1987 that's such horse shit oh that's such fucking horse shit room 187

that's a way better answer like a hospital has 19 fucking floors well 1987 that's so fucking stupid 87 rooms in a hospital

maybe it's the first floor room 987 on the first floor fuck off you have a thousand rooms in a hospital fucking floor that's shit

I know what kind of coverage is this I want it that's Kaiser It's kind of just a huge, massive building with a lot of floors. That's a real thing. And you died down the hall from where you were born. Find one hospital that has a room 1987.

Fucking one. That's the part you're going to get hung up on here? It's fucking, because it's bullshit. That's why you like it. It's usually like 684. The interstellar world makes way more sense. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does.

All right, well, the dumb off will be interesting. I think Jay could lose this year. if it's questions like that then yeah that'll be coming up next week we were supposed to lift kettlebells

and curse today but I guess we never got them oh yeah what happened with the kettlebell you can't take them Johnny did everything you can't take them bro

I'm not gonna get kicked from the fucking gym I go to Johnny did everything right Allie except for the final step of getting us the kettlebell of actually doing the thing

why don't you just write a note saying I'll bring this right back yeah or put something in its place because it's signed in our lease that like we can't

our contract that we can't like steal any property from downstairs it's not stealing it's borrowing yeah but we can't Bring it up here for a minute.

I'll ask Marquise. I'll bring it tomorrow. No, we can't curse on ... How are we going to test the cursing method for lifting on the air? We can't curse. We can't curse on the air. We're supposed to do it right now. I'll be next weekend for a show every time.

I'll bring it. Next weekend? Because I'm actually going to go buy one. I think it's a riddle, Allie. It's a riddle. It's a hospital riddle. When will you get this kettlebell? This is when I wish I was dead.

And then bash my head with it. All right. We're going to go. 1987. Goodbye. Thank you for additional time with us today, and stay tuned for details about a summer hang for all of us sooner rather than later goodbye all right all right