Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - SHOVERTIME 8-19!

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

In today's bonus pod we check in with Vanessa for dating updates and what podcasts she really loves

All right, look at that, episode number, huh, buh-buh-duh, who cares, it's Shover Time. She's a special guest on Shover Time today, Vanessa. We booked Vanessa. Means there's no room for Jake. Oh, thank God. Woo-hoo! Chairs are full, put up a no Jake's allowed sign on the door, Johnny, so Jake. Oh, we're so mean to you, Jake.

I'm going to just cover the door with my body. You know what I've noticed? The meaner we are to Jake, in all seriousness, the happier he is, because life for him is getting great now, and when his life was going terrible, we had to be nice to him because we felt so bad about how his life was going. I know, we'd make fun of him and then just feel bad because he'd be like, aww. Are you taking your pants off?

No, I forgot to zip. Her fly was down the whole time, I think. Yeah, I forgot to zip my zipper. Well, I just peed before we came here, so. In the bathroom? I didn't wash my hands. No. In the corner.

Oh. I peed in the other radio station's floor. Yeah, take that, KNX. It's breaking news. Break this, bitch. It's a giant puddle of piss. Oh, no, here comes Jake. I see him coming through the office right now.

Guys, it's been nice. Sometimes I feel like I know we're kidding. The real question is Who's going to surrender their seat when he comes I'm a girl, you Not me I'm pregnant, I get priority seating I have to run the equipment

You're not running your shit There's a lot of equipment here Ah, Klein, you gotta get your seat No, no, no, no, no, no, no Whatever, I'll kill my wife Jake's here Jake, Jake, Jake Jake, Jake, Jake

They have to stand back there Jake just made a stool Oh, he's got a sharing mic with him One, two, three, nod it Nose goes Jake, by the way, has not even showered since he had sex last night So he's all extra stanky right now He actually smells pretty good

He smells a little bit like Dove soap right now You used her soap last night, didn't you? Uh, no Did you use any soap last night? Uh, no I mean, before I went to the concert, I took a shower, but... What is the drink you're having today? You ever think Jake would come in here with two drinks ever?

You think after all these years of doing this thing, he'd come in here and say, I brought everyone drinks? Come on, you don't want this shit. Yeah, some jokes, some hoaxes. I'll bring you one next week. No, and Jake got so mad because when I had you guys over on Friday, I got the right brand of beer for Jake, which is the Floffelmacher or whatever, the Hoffelstanker. It's that new festival that was just announced. That's at Dodger Stadium. It's going to be a great one.

Flog Nog. Flog Nog. Yeah, it's Jake's beer. Flog Nog. I got Jake's Flog Nog, and he goes. No, you didn't. One. You didn't get Francis Conner.

I got the other one you get. Okay, but I rarely get that one. You know what? You got beer. So why don't you shut the fuck up? Yeah, I didn't even get a single drink. Right. I got no drink.

Well, I had drinks there, Janet. You don't drink, but I got mac and cheese. I tried to make sure everyone had something they like. Yeah. You had mac and cheese. Vanessa had tons of chicken. and it's funny because Vanessa likes to move away from this I love chicken narrative. Oh my gosh, she was the first one

all over it. Because I was hungry! Her plate was like a fucking graveyard of chicken bones. It was a bunch of like pink, clean. And that was a platter and supposedly it was for up to 12 people of chicken and I think Vanessa polished off all of that. I got no chicken at all. Yeah. Jake was saying he didn't get any of the chicken either. I got some chicken.

Someone didn't get the chicken. They were all bummed out. Oh, it was Justin. Ginger Justin. He goes, I didn't get this chicken. And Vanessa goes, don't look at me! Because I'm gonna But the issue as always was the ice cream cake that ended up being a total fail and then I got

Jake's Beers, but the problem is I kept going and I got his, what was the brand I got? It's like Wasis. It's Weheistephaner. Weheistephaner. And you said it was not the right type of Weheistephaner. Well, you were trying to get the Hefeweizen where you were I think that was your intention and you got

talked out of it by the guy at the liquor store. Well, he said this is the one everyone likes. I said, you know this is my friend he likes tool he's like i like this then you said that you said i like tool he's like my friend likes tool he referred to you as a friend no let me change that i go this tool i know he's my friend that's what i said so anyway uh fun party by the way though it was a great time yeah it's annoying because uh my kids will not take off ali's swim cap it's their favorite thing that i put on really i need that they put on that swim cap

And they go, I'm a lesbian, I'm a lesbian. Oh, cool. It's a lesbian costume. Yeah, the swim cap is funny. I don't know. It is, but you know what? I'm bringing them back. We need to wear swim caps more often, all right?

They are an economical, practical choice. I don't know if the baddies are wearing swim caps anymore. No, no, no. They don't even get in the pool anymore. Anymore? I don't think they ever did. But if you look at old, but Allie, the- The swimmers, the true swimmers wear them.

I didn't realize this does solve a problem. I had no idea that a swim cap, I just thought it kept your hair from flowing wild in the pool. I didn't realize it actually keeps your whole hair dry. Yes, that's why I want it. Which most women will not go into a pool if it does not coordinate with whatever their hair washing day or schedule is. Exactly. The reason I bought it is because anytime I swim with my kid, he asks, can you get your hair wet today? Yeah, that's, yeah. And he'll ask one of us because we have to like coordinate who's going to go all the way in the pool.

because we feel bad just standing there waiting around and being like, okay, go play. I'm not getting my hair wet. So I was like, I'm going to get a swim cap so that I can dive in with him at any time. I will agree. I don't agree with Jake's point that pools are for children, but I do agree that putting your whole head in the pool, that's a child's game. That's a child's game.

That's a child's game. That's how you enjoy a pool. Yeah. You can't do a handstand without getting your head wet. I think that... You've got to dive in. You've got to do laps. How do you race?

You've got to race and get your head wet. I think that the reality is standing and having your body submerged in water is fun, and that's where you get- It's not, though. I get so bored of that. Yeah. That's why I was so ... I'm over the pool, just because most of it is like, yay. Well-

I'm standing here in the fucking water. What else am I going to do? But if I'm playing football, or if I'm racing somebody- Chicken fights. Yeah. That's the fun of it, or you go underwater, and you go, what did I say? There's a chance for ... Oh, that's a fun one. How long can you hold your breath?

Well, there's a fun one where, or sorry, there's a conversation about you guys having a rematch at the pool at our Endless Summer Kegger because- That's not happening. I'm fucking done. You're tapped out? I'm done going to pools. One pool a year? The only way I'm going to re-raise Allie is we go to an Olympic-sized pool, we can do

one straight away. And she's like- I think Allie would win because I think that she started stronger, and to be honest, minus your kick off the wall, which is a cheap move. That's how swimmers... That's actually, yeah. I'm with Jake on that one. That's actually how you race.

You go, you kick the wall, and you kick off. I've seen the Olympics enough. Sometimes they kick off the wall. They don't even do a... They get halfway through the whole lap before they end up doing anything with their arms. I know. It's fucking dope.

Yeah, you're basically just resting and doing that, like, warm thing underwater. Yeah, you're doing the dolphin. Yeah, I'm good at that. But... But if we do it, we both have to dive in. Oh, yeah. Like, they do start regular swim.

I think that's where Jake gets scared, the diving part. Yeah, because the diving part, I think I was better at, was like the initial go-through. But I have at the YMCA by my house, there's a full-size Olympic pool. Whoa, we have a pool.

We can go there. We have a pool. It's a nice neighborhood. Wait, can you dive pregnant? Aren't you going to like slap the baby or squish it? I'm going to slap it. I'm going to slap it and slap it. You know, it's funny you ask that

because last time I swam with my kid, I was telling, you know, we were doing cannonballs and I did a cannonball and I was like, I don't know if I should have done that. You did a private cannonball? Yeah. was the cannonball by Klein's wife

yeah that's another reason to get your head wet you gotta show him how to do a cannonball oh dude yeah that was kinda like crazy oh yeah Jake did that Jake does a huge ass

cannonball right next to Klein's wife where she's sitting she goes ugh it's my hair it's all over me yeah she's so frustrated

it's like his wetness yeah I know yeah it's like her least favorite thing did your wife have a fun time hanging out with her she's yeah she said

she thought the party was gonna go longer because I prepared her for an all night rager because I And that's what she was more... She was sad when we all left? Yeah, she goes, that was it?

I go, yeah, that's right. She goes, oh. I knew it. I was like, we had a strict schedule. Don't worry, Danielle, we'll be out by two. She's like, you don't have to. And I was like, I thought that was the schedule. Well, I made it...

And by the way, my kids, I didn't tell you guys this, but I went, she convinced me to go pick my kids up from school with her. I was drunk because I threw back a few. And so I had to go to school. She drove, but I went into the school drunk-ish to get my kids, which is a weird feeling. and then they were all excited

because the pool party was happening and I had to break the news to them when they got home that you guys were not there anymore which they didn't believe me because they thought that it was me messing with them so they were like,

yeah, okay, they're not there anymore and then they went in the backyard, they saw the swim cap, they're like, they are here. Saw the empty floaties. And then they were looking for like where you guys were hiding and then when it finally,

when they realized that it was over and they missed it, Bruiser kicked me really hard in the knee. Oh, shit. And they're like, this bullshit you said they were going to have. You had a pool party. Oh, my God. What a violent end.

They were really mad. Luckily, I had some of that not ice cream cake to give them. And that was also bad because they're going, I thought you said there was ice cream. So I promised them a pool party and ice cream cake. And they got potentially a gluten-free cake and no pool party. Oh, we would have stayed. Yeah, man. I didn't know.

We got to go back now. You told us we had to leave. You're the first one out I did have to leave earlier Once one person leaves Everyone goes I don't want to be The last one standing

Also it was hot As fucking death It was hot out there I don't think Maybe you had Like one umbrella There's no shade There's no shade guys

I'm sorry It's a terrible It is Between You got one of those Big Costco umbrellas Between 8am and 8pm This time of the year

It is just fucking It is like on the surface Of the goddamn sun Which is why The turf is hot as shit Jake couldn't even Put his dog on the Well Jake doesn't put

his dog on the ground, but he tried to. And the dog was doing those high steps. I think she was just trying to find a hole to crawl in. I think she was just learning how to walk, to be honest, for the first time. I don't think they did it with the grass. It was so sad. She was doing those high steps, and then they just gave up and sat down. That was an old baby girl.

Yeah, it's pretty hot. And then I don't know if you guys got to witness this. It didn't come up, but did you notice the jetpack that I talked about, the flyovers to Burbank Airport every six minutes? Oh, no, I didn't notice that. Oh, you didn't? No. That doesn't bother me.

I was more distracted by your UPS guy who just showed up, let himself in through the back door, and I was like, hey, Klein, who's this fool coming in through the back door? Well, the UPS guy is a listener of the show, and his name is, I don't want to say his name, because I don't want to blow up his spot, but he had said when we first talked about it, he said, I'd like to say hi to everyone.

I love the show. And I said, sure, you can say hi to everyone. They're going to be over on Friday. And then he sent a message day of and goes, I think I'm going to have my lunch I'm going to bring my lunch and have it in your backyard during your pool party. That's baller.

He was just sitting there with his little lunch cooler. He did bring in his own lunch cooler. He did. And I offered him what we had and he said I really wanted the chicken but Vanessa didn't eat it all. No bologna it is. He had his sandwich. He pulled it out of his little cooler. His little sandwich bag. And he sat and then Johnny the whole time was complimenting him

on his socks because he was wearing the It was all one color. The UPS. Yeah, he was brown. Yeah, what could Brown do for you? Head to toe. Skin mash his fucking clothes. And he, which is just good. We had some diversity at the pool party.

And then Johnny was asking the guy for his socks. He goes, I can't take off my socks. These are my uniform UPS socks. But I can get you a pair. And I will say, the next day he came to drop off a package at my house. And on top of the package was a pair of socks. Nice. It was a giant shit.

It was a giant toe. And he said, and I assume they were for you, John. He didn't even leave a note or anything. I don't know if they're used or new socks but he's a man of his word as soon as I got out of my truck on your street he looked and he waved at me and I was like oh this is a friendly

neighborhood the UPS guys waved to strangers well that guy that guy right when I moved in because my wife gets a lot of shit delivered like way too much stuff most of it I don't even know anymore it's for her job so she claims she can order it but I can't keep up with the packages but she

well it's her job right and a lot of them are like they're not for me or i have to you know try them on and then i send them back and this package is constantly it's a shell game i don't i can't keep up with the shells going in going out going to stress me the fuck out boxes pick up drop and then every once in a while i'll clean out the garage i'll find four unopened boxes and i'll be like where are these from and she's like oh my god someone sent me a christmas gift i'm like what oh my god i ripped that shit open this has been sitting in here it's like what is it it's like a bunch of like melted candle sets that like just went in the garage and melted i know one of our uh food on

one of the foods that you brought for the spread where it was like a newly opened gift package the cheese the cheese plate

yeah there was like a cheese plate no I bought I bought that you did I bought that yes oh I was like

this was sitting in a cupboard somewhere no I bought that I bought that cheese how is cheese sitting in a cupboard

yeah I bought the it was too many cheese plates there was like four cheese plates and they all melted by the end yeah it was a bad

bad choice but I should have should have gotten more chicken next thing I know more chicken or less Vanessa I gotta figure out

the ratio so more mac and cheese too yeah more mac and cheese well once again cheese cheese cheese and then i think that yeah the idea is we get so full of cheese that we can't shit so we can just swim all day we're so backed up but well that'll be an annual tradition and next year we'll do the right one nice we'll do it the right way um how are you vanessa we don't usually have you on show for time and we never get to check in with you is there anything you'd like to share yeah tell her about your hat and your boy outfit she's wearing the exact same thing i'm wearing today no jake every time i wear these shorts i get some sort of compliment that's like not a compliment yeah what must that be like nice new purple shirt client i honestly i don't see the purple guys

really i see the blue it's faded blue now i'm seeing the pants and the weird sneakers too it's a very strange combination you're wearing like a nicer shirt i want to go to the gym and if i don't dress like i'm gonna go to the gym i'll never go to the fucking gym so i'm just trying to dress like i'm gonna go to the gym and then i and then i don't That's a good workout, just resting like that. Yeah, that's most of what people do in this fucking town. That's what everyone in L.A. is doing. Right.

They're always about to go. I'm 80% of the way towards the gym now, but this stupid podcast is standing in my goddamn way. Speaking of stupid podcasts, keep going, Vanessa. Well, we know why she wears that hat. I just said I wanted to wear this hat with my outfit. Yeah, she's got the long shorts thing. Vanessa's got a goal. Her goal is that, in the same way that she got us in that feud with the Sleepy Time podcast,

whatever that one was called. The Sip. The Sip. Remember the one that she said made her go to sleep at night? and then they called us a bunch of bitches or called me a bitch and then they called that bitch that woman we're not we don't fight with them anymore because that got

squashed I guess yeah well you bought them a you bought her a baby gift she was all hormonal and pregnant and I said I will take the higher road and send her a baby radio because she makes fun of radio is that podcast cancelled or is that still going on no they're still going are they bigger than ever

or not really to be honest I haven't been watching I've been switching up my oh take that you lost a listener I'm done, son. You're done, son. Sorry, Sip. I got into the Giggly Squad. It's a podcast.

If you ask me what it's about, they just talk about their lives. And I enjoy it. It's one of the top five podcasts. I mean, they're all millionaires, those girls. I know. They're hilarious. This is why it bothers me so much when people say, I really love when you guys do show over time.

And I go, you put no effort into show over time at all. And that's literally, their podcast is just like this. No effort. $18 million last year. No effort. And we're working on, all of us working on our show all day long, every day. And the show show This is nothing

This is bullshit You shouldn't be listening to this I know that is annoying That is annoying But I will say My favorite episode of our shows Are show version Because I'm listening

I'm listening When it's the show I'm involved But when I'm just listening I'm just What squad are we? No giggle squad Obviously the shit squad Anyways

My goal is for I wear this hat Googler If you're listening Please let them know Who is Googler? Googler. A Googler.

A Googler. It's a Google squad. Is that what the listeners are called? Is anyone a Giggler? Yeah, I'm a Googler. Oh, no. Did you have to earn that, or is just anyone who listens? No, it's if you listen.

This is wild. Anyways, I'm wearing the hat because I'm hoping they get a hint. They're like, oh, guess what? Who listens to us? Someone from the Klein Alley Show on KROQ. By the way, they're really funny. Boom. Plug.

We get in. And then we start making, I just want us to make millions. Millions of dollars? First you get the podcast, then you get them a million dollars. I want us to get Sprinkle everywhere. If this podcast can do it, so can we. This is what happened in the movie. I love how your mind works.

This is how the Odyssey happened. She's basically trying to Trojan horse us into the giggle. Right. Oh my God. This horse is full of gigglers. Inside of your stomach is just attractive women making millions of dollars. Yeah, I think that doesn't hurt. Are they good looking, the giggle?

Yeah, they're hot. You have seen them, Allie? Yeah, I've just looked at pictures of them. And they're so funny. I'm not a pervert. I just look at pictures. I don't listen to them. I've never listened to them.

I just saw that they came up under the top podcast earners or whatever. And Vanessa doesn't know one thing they've talked about? They talk about like, it's just they're talking about their life and then they'll bring up Hannah Loves Documentaries, so they'll talk about documentaries. They'll talk about boys, but in that way, the boys wouldn't like it, but I like to listen. They're gay, that's why. They're not gay. They're straight.

She was listening to it today, and there was like two guys talking. Nope, that was a different podcast. Oh, okay, never mind. Which I can't say the name. Is that why you're wearing the shorts? Is it because of the gay podcast? There was something. Oh, Therapus.

Yeah, and they had Max from New Girl. Max, if you're listening to our podcast. Why do you think all these people are just listening and going, Vanessa, my girl. I don't think Giggle Squad is listening to our podcast. I don't think Max from New Girl is listening to our podcast. You never know. I don't think Therapus is listening to our podcast.

I don't think our bosses are listening to our podcast. Guys, with this attitude, no one's going to be listening to our podcast. Positive mindset. She's manifesting. Anyway, so that's my goal. They'll bench us and then we'll go on tour.

We'll go on tour? Do you just dream about all this stuff when you get home? And then they're going to notice the hat. And then they're going to say, wow, that girl's got it. I hope Vanessa's right and we look back and we go, I can't believe we used to make fun of you for that giggle hat because that has changed all of our lives.

Yeah, the Gigglers found us. The Gigglers found us. We've been embraced by the Gigglers now. And now we're all in mansions. It all happens. I'm still in a shack. Jake is still in a shack somehow. Jack got a bigger shack.

Jake sold for the Giggle merch. He's like, I'll take the merch. I don't want the money. And now we're traveling around and we're doing sold-out theaters in Tucson. Yeah. Wouldn't that be kind of cool? I would hate to go on tour. The listeners are in Texas and all those places.

It's crazy. We do live shows just one week. I have a friend who was on one of the most popular podcasts, and he showed me a photo when they sold out Red Rocks and performed there. It's fucking insane. The podcast, the Red Rocks. Yes.

Which podcast was that? Last podcast on the left or whatever. He used to be on there. That's a huge podcast. Yeah. And then I was like, fucking went to Red Rocks? Hey, we're doing the Hyatt in Newport Beach. Yeah, I was going to say.

We can't even sell out the fucking Hyatt. We're giving those tickets away for free. Just to point that out. And we're going to feed you and give you drinks just for showing up. No, we're not going to perform either. Because we love you. We don't sell out.

We're not a bunch of Red Rock sellouts like Last Pod on the Left or whatever, right? Yeah, those gigglers. That's a true crime podcast, right? I don't know what it is. Yeah, it's like a true crime podcast. I want to see some clam slamming at the Hyatt, though. Like, I want to see some girls. Oh, we're going to do the clam slam.

I want to see some shit going on. The winner is, that woman's going to bring the winner to the inaugural clam slam, and then we'll have a first aid tent right next to the clam slam, and it's going to be great. Maybe that's the problem is that we don't have a good name for listeners of our show. That's the biggest. They're sloggers. Sloggers is good. Sloggers is good.

Sloggers, I like that. Gigglers, sloggers. But sloggers only applies to people that have been slogging for a while. Can you be like a week one slogger? Yeah. Oh, you could be? I think the slog continues, don't you? PSA for sloggers.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Gigglers, like the Daddy Gang is big and we have NetBangers, but that's very- That's YouTube. That's YouTube only, right? And I don't think they even own the rights to NetBank or something. That's like a bigger. Food's Gone Wild, I'm sure.

So, and then you've got, you know, Jake's fan base, the Crickets. He's got his big thing. Right, exactly. But I don't know if we have a, I mean, Sloggers is the one we've kind of, because we were, that's right, in the article, that actually does fit. They did call our launch a four-year slog. Yeah, but it naturally happened, you know? So if we had just the Sloggers.

People do say, like, I do see actually a lot of times people will message, like, hey, day won Slogger or Slogger for the last year have been slogging. They're just joining the slogs. I don't think people like to brag about being a slogger. Would they wear a hat that said Slogger over a hat that said over a hat that said Giggler? If I saw a hat that said Slog

I would think it's like half shit half log. Slog. Like a shark? Yeah, like a shark. Jake's a big slogger. Jake's a slog factory. Slogger, not the shit kind. Or what if we're like radio So, Radiesse.

Radiesse. Radiesse. That sounds like- It's a mix between AIDS and rabies. We're brainstorming. I tested positive for Radiesse. What if the hat just said radio listener? Radio listener.

Radio listener. It just says a lot about you. That's humiliating. No one would wear that hat in public. Let's embrace it. I like that. Yeah, Radiesse. I still like the fact that-

Radiesse. I think people like to brag. Like, for instance, this is the sweet spot. I think for the most part, radio is something that people do. They like to do it quietly and privately. It's a very intimate thing. It's like masturbation. You're right.

You're ashamed of it. Like you do it. Everyone does it. But you're ashamed of it. And it's your little secret. Whereas the people that are gigglers, they can't wait to advertise. I'm a giggler. You're a giggler.

We're all gigglers. We all band together like a group. Yeah. And we are like, we live in the shadows. and so the idea that people would promote or be proud of the fact yeah we're like

the cockroaches in my kitchen they come out at night sorry ladies sorry for scaring you like I think that you know people that ride share drivers that have us on

as soon as a passenger gets in they turn it quickly you know right oh the shamers I'm a shamer kind of like a BDSM meetup

yeah exactly like a glory hole or swingers meetup right exactly damn I saw that on a hotel door last time I was at a hotel and I was like

hey yo what do you saw what do you see i saw the pineapple on somebody's hotel door it was like you know that little note card they put like please don't disturb on my door handle they had one of those and there was like a pineapple in the lower left corner like they were advertising it but very subtly and i was like oh shit they fucking in there well you think that you put that on the door of your room and that just means anyone can to try to attract yeah so if anybody walks by like i don't think so dude i don't think that works like that you don't know you know how swingers work no but i don't think it's like you go to a random you check into a random hotel put a pineapple on your door no no no like fishing they had it on the door to lure anybody who

possibly was i don't think so dude bro if you know what it was probably like the hotel it was probably like a hotel that had like a hotel a pineapple no there was no nautical theme at this hotel whatsoever this bitch had a nautical nautical not nautical is that pineapple is a pineapple in under the category of nautical in your world yeah because it's under the sea sea world spongebob you know what i mean pineapples are not under the sea in real life pineapples under the sea under the sea pineapples and me under the sea what are you talking about anyways they're advertising they wanted to bang and they were advertising you trying to bang we're here if anything it was a signal for someone to find that was coming there already

to find their room. Probably, yeah. A swinger. A swinger. Or somebody who just wanted to join. But it wasn't fishing. They were probably looking for someone. I mean, unless it was a gathering

where a bunch of different like-minded couples went and they go, hey, you put a pineapple on the door. But why not just give them the room number? Well, I think they think it's funny, more funny that way with the pineapple. I think they like to be subtle about their little idea.

But it's not subtle because they'll never know about the pineapple. It's like Vanessa with her unicorn thing. No, I think a lot of people don't know. Really? Yeah. I mean, I didn't know until Uncle Springer. A couple years ago, probably.

yeah i was gonna say you guys turned me on to it pineapple it's all pineapple like and shorts yeah i thought it had to be an upside down pineapple specifically no that means they're gay when they're no johnny that's also not right is that when the pineapple's reversed yeah yeah well they're sitting i want to sit on it well they're sitting on the pineapple it's kind of like when you meet somebody's like you ever like meet somebody's boyfriend or girlfriend and you like shake their hand you're like hey my name's immediately in my head i'm like ah he's fucking her what you know what i mean that goes into your head immediately like you know like if you if you were to introduce me to your girlfriend or whatever jake and you're like this is jake this is my

girlfriend and i'd be like damn he's fucking her that's weird yeah right that's i know what you mean yeah it's like an immediate first thought i'm like whoa it's fucking they're fucking each other yeah do you ever picture them having sex i don't picture it but i think about it like you know what i mean yeah well when i meet when i meet parents of of kids that my kids are friends with and the parents are like not like very i think like they fucked yeah like they like fucked and i think to myself is that the only time they fucked or do they regularly fuck because otherwise wouldn't they just be like oh right right right exactly there's that weird feeling look at me yeah what's going on over here but there's proof right here so i'm looking at the proof so it

happened but like yeah or are they like always fucking and they're like we better use protection but bro there's some couples i look at and i'm like there's no fucking way you guys fucked and made that fucking kid. What the fuck? Yeah, I know. It's crazy. Like Allie and her wife. We say that all the time.

Yeah, and we couldn't have done it. Well, I know this wasn't as good as an episode of Giggly Hut or whatever, but Vanessa, thank you for humoring us. It was, it was. And Vanessa will listen back to this on her drive to Long Beach and go, you know what?

Not great. So nothing? There's no dating life? I thought you had some more. Oh, no, well, I was going to say, so I haven't dated, and then yesterday I had the thought, should I date?

Get back on the apps? But then I was like, I don't want to go on the apps. They're so depressing. When I go on it, I'm like... Speed dating. Would you do a speed dating event? No, because... Why don't you join a running group?

A singles running group. But in the apps, I know I'm on it, and I'm like, I'm a loser because I'm on it. So everyone in here just gives loser vibes. And I'm sorry if you're in the apps, but I've told myself this. Jake, you're a loser for being on Facebook singles. Because I keep seeing the same people. Yeah, I'm in the bone zone. I'll send you an invite link to my headless group.

Not that again. and then what's a headless group I just my goal is to meet someone in person you know you gotta put yourself

you gotta put yourself into real world scenarios yeah you gotta leave your apartment sometimes and leave Long Beach she's always she's always around

but I'm saying have you ever thought of going to the back bay at the Hyatt on September 3rd for a clam slam well I'm not meeting anyone there

no thank you because they're all our listeners sorry listeners anyways the other day I was out at a concert

I have a theory Vanessa's gonna start dating a listener No she's not The guy's gonna have to pretend he doesn't know the show Just to get there And then three years in he's gonna be like I'm a swagger Three years in he's gonna just see a plant And go what's a second

He's gonna let it out No go ahead So I was at a concert and there was this cute guy And I was like What concert were you at It was a Colombian artist It's very niche And this was this week

no this was like last week last weekend it was a small place in Glendale Glendora I don't know

one of those Glendora Glendale five times Burbank I don't know LA I don't remember

did the guy say my friend my friend cause that's Glendale that's the important part of the story so I see this guy he's cute this is what happened

see a guy he's cute okay and I'm like look at him I was like alright and I give him the eyes

he gives them back to me and then he keeps looking and keeps looking all right the guy comes over where i'm at but then he talks to the girl next to me and then i was like he was not looking at me and i was like what did i get that totally wrong because i was ready to be like what's happening well the answer is yes you did get that totally but no but then you know what i kind of felt like maybe he did that to be like i'm gonna make you jealous i was like buddy no i don't even know you but that's what it felt like

I'm like, I'm pretty sure. Hey, but Vanessa, didn't the same thing happen? We boarded that plane coming back from Denver, and she saw that guy that had, like, no shoes on, and she's like, I think he's heading the same way I am. We're like, yeah, it's the boarding line for the plane. Yeah, she was like, he's playing hard to get. I know it.

I was like, Vanessa, he doesn't have shoes on. She's like, well, he's still cute. I'm the problem. Sitting in 7C, I see you. He's in 7, I'm in 26F. It's meant to be. I wonder what happened, though. What made him change his mind?

I literally don't know. And I look so cute, too. So I was like, I know how I look right now. Damn. I know it's me. He switched up on you, bro. No, it was the girl next to me, and I was like, all right, cool. Was she bad?

She was pretty. Was she? Damn. You need to fucking slice her. No, I wasn't mad. I was just like, wow, I totally got that wrong. Yeah, damn. Well, you need to find one of those niche groups, you know, like a running club or LinkedIn

or like unexpected places people are going. I've ran, and I've been past a running club, and they're so intense about their running. I'm more of like, I'm running. They're all fucking each other up. I'm not, like, intense about it. I cannot with an intense. If you're super into your thing, I'm like, ugh. I love that for you, but I don't want to be a part of that.

Well, this has been a depressing way to end the episode, but sadly. It was hopeful. Yeah, I think it's going to be your year. If not, Allie's got a jug of juice she can sell you. Yeah, you want some juice? I'm not, like, over here running a game, so it's okay. She's got space in your freezer? It's yours.

I did want to say, Allie, I think you should throw it in the trash. Yeah. What? I agree. Why would I throw it in the trash? I can get $1,100. You know how many people just throw away their sperm every day? I did during this episode three times.

I know, but I didn't pay two grand for it. Me. No, Ali, because I didn't think about the fact that- Hers is bedded sperm, though. Ours is like- Yeah, mine is like top tier sperm. Hers is farm raised. Ours is wild.

Yeah, this is like- Well, who's the guy you got it from, though? Who's this guy? What makes it so top tier? 16043. Oh, he's the best. I love that guy. I got a stud.

16043, dude. That's good stuff. Check on him, like, was he actually Caucasian and tall? They have the background, yeah. I even have his baby pictures. Yeah, let me see what he looks like. Okay. I got to see what this guy's going to look like.

I don't want to mess up your head too much, Ali, but I believe that's the nickname that my UPS guy uses, 16403. You got an Armando coming inside of you? What the fuck? Oh, damn. Are you picking that guy? All right. That's his other picture.

Dude, he looks like Wesley. Yeah, they only do baby pictures. Caucasian. Wait, that's what he looks like? The donor? Mm-hmm, yeah. This is a donor. Oh, donor as a baby.

As a baby, yeah. He also looks really young, though, too. I was like, you got baby sperm? He looks really young in a baby photo. Yeah. No, no, like, he looks like he was born in, like, the mid to late 90s, though. He's described as... Probably was, because she had about 20-year-old sperm.

Did you really? How old was he? He was 20, yeah, 1995 was his birth year. Dude, he's only three years older than me! Now he's robbing the cradle! Whoa, dude! Damn, girl! You gotta get the young stuff.

You got some young stuff. Oh, man! Damn, pull that clip, bro! Oh, shit, dude. So does that mean mine is worth, like, two grand? No. He said that he would describe himself as caring and passionate. My friends know they can come to me with problems or things they are trying to hash out.

And I'm most proud of the fact that my friends tell me they feel they can come to me about real stuff and that they trust my moral authority. I really try to exemplify a caring and sensitive personality. A little snoozer, that guy. Yeah, what the hell? All I want to know is how much he's happy. How much? I think that's sweet.

You bought some sweet sperm. Wait, how much did you buy this for? If you don't mind me asking. Well, the original ones that I got were for insemination. So that's like more raw dog style. That was, I think, $1,200 each. And I bought five of them. Remember that tank that-

And then the two IVF vials I got were $2,200 each. Wow. Damn. That's almost 20 grand just to have a fucking kid? It's fucked up. It's fucked up. Holy shit. How much do you think that guy's making?

The guy whose juice you bought? crushing it. Probably $500 each time. I'm in the wrong fucking business. What's it cost? Hey, Siri. How much money can you make donating sperm? On average. Well, it depends on who you are and how old you are. Here, maybe you guys will like

this story. $35 and $100 per specimen. Wow. Wow, really? It's not that much. $3,500? No, $35. Oh, what the fuck? To $100. I'll do it. Per specimen. This is the most adventurous thing he's ever done after graduation my roommates and i went camping we found a nearby stream in the woods so we started walking along it there were some falling trees we ended up making it to a

point to try and cross every single tree blah blah blah occasionally we would throw things at people that were trying to cross to try and make them fall it was one of the greatest times of my life this guy wrote that yeah you bought sperm from they tried to throw things at people who were trying that's what i do when i go hiking i throw shit into the lake and stuff ali you bought Johnny's just. Yeah, you bought a fucking kid like me. Yeah.

Wow. And that's like the most adventurous thing I ever did. Well, the guy's 20-something. Yeah, I guess. He's 20. It's like he had

just graduated college probably. What a dork. Damn, dude. Well, we burn pallets and burn a fucking fence down and we got busted by the park rangers. Well, I think if you want

to be accepted to do sperm, you're probably not going to say all the fucked up shit you did. You can't talk about that. You can't be like, I used to torture animals as a kid.

You're going to say, I'm most proud of the fact that my friends can come to me when they're feeling sad. Come, yeah. Man, I can't believe there's lesbians out there that would buy my sperm.

Well, there aren't. Maybe. Yeah, they maybe are. Allie bought some kid's sperm. It's a copy and pasted thing. Yeah, copy and pasted, dude. I gotta try this out. This is actually interesting.

One time on an airplane to Mexico, he tried putting his napkin into an empty soda can to act as a trash can and ended up getting his thumb stuck and then panicked and the flight attendant had to help him take it out.

He had to have help from his flight attendant because he got stuck in a soda can and you bought his sperm? Yeah. This sounds just like me. Why would he? Johnny gets stuck in six soda cans a week?

Yeah. I think this is Johnny. Oh, my God. You spent 20 grand for this idiot's fucking sperm? That's crazy. You know those things that catch fish? They had to cut them up to hold the six packs together? Johnny gets stuck in those all the time.

I'm quitting K-Rock, man. Those finger traps, he's still stuck in them. Yeah, he's still stuck in them. It took me forever to trick up. All right, we got to go. This has been a fun episode, I think, but it's over now, so thanks for hanging out, and hopefully we see you at the beach party

or whatever the hell we're calling it. Endless Summer Kegger. Clam slam. Clam slam. Clam slam. Goodbye. All right, wee.