Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - SHOVERTIME 8-26!
Episode Date: August 26, 2026In today's bonus pod we go over eating and the best snacks ...
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Boring.
Boring.
Boring.
Welcome to Klein Alley Showvertime, episode number Who Cares?
Aw, I thought you were going to let me do it.
You didn't bring your guitar.
Oh shit, should I go grab it?
No.
No.
Then we were practicing the song.
Oh yeah. Should we perform it right now?
What are you chewing on?
Cheez-Its.
Oh, nice.
I don't know why that fucking box is there. I cannot resist it.
The big box?
As soon as I walk out there I see Cheez-Its and I'm like, God damn it.
The smoked Gouda?
No, those ones are bad.
It's like a landmine.
Our whole office now has turned into just traps.
Everywhere you go, traps, traps, traps.
I'm not strong enough.
Right now, I'm not.
That's why Vanessa...
That's why Vanessa...
She's like, do you want to get ice cream?
I'm like, yeah.
Let's go right now.
That's why Vanessa was like, I don't want the donuts.
Don't send donuts.
Please stop sending donuts, because she says once they're here, she tries to get everyone
else in the building to take them all, so she can't have them.
But when they're there, after the third look, she takes.
Yeah, and I don't even really like donuts,
but I probably couldn't resist them if they were in front of me right now.
The free food thing has worn off on me now.
The first year working here, I was like, wow, it's free.
I've got to eat it all.
Del Taco? Sure. Donuts? Yeah.
And after the second or third year, I was like, all right, back the fuck up.
Now they're like, here's some free Carl's Jr., and you're like, no.
But they also stopped.
The free stuff stopped.
It really has scaled way back now because the offerings used to be better.
You think so?
Oh, yeah, dude.
I think it's still the same as now.
No, no.
I feel like we never get first takes.
we always get like
leftover takes
it's never like
this is fresh for you
it's always like
here's what was left over
from a meeting
followed by
here's what was left over
from this other radio station
I'll take it
yeah Jake doesn't care
but a lot of it
feels like it's been
picked through pretty cleanly
I keep a Tupperware
in a nerd hole
that was crazy
when we had that meeting
a few weeks ago
that was fucking wild
and I was kind of jealous
Jake
there was so much left
that quinoa salad
was fucking awesome
the curry couscous
that shit is the best
we had a meeting
and this was a meeting
with sales people and an outside
company that was interested in doing something with
K-Rock. That's all I'm going to say. Boring ass meeting.
Big meeting, long meeting, food was brought
in. The meeting ends. I felt like we all
presented ourselves
responsibly enough, professionally
enough. And then the meeting's over.
We all leave. I go, wow, that's one of those meetings
that I feel like we all did our job.
Then Jake, lo and behold, walks back
in with a giant piece of Tupperware.
I don't even know where he fucking thing came from.
And he goes over to the table where the people are starting to clean stuff up and he just
starts loading, shoveling into this Tupperware.
But it was one of those moments where one of the sales ladies was like, all right, guys,
take some on your way out.
We got a lot left.
And I was like, oh, man, I was trying to like wrap a towel around one of the sandwiches
half.
So I was like, OK, yeah, it sucks because I was like, man, I do want to bring this home.
And then he fucking walks up with a big ass container.
He's like a late night salad and curry couscous and sandwiches.
Smart play.
And you took the couscous?
Yeah, the couscous, man.
Oh, bro, you get it yourself.
I think he took the serving spoons, too.
Spoons, too?
Yeah, I think he took the serving spoons.
That wouldn't have fit in the Tupperware.
I want it to.
Look, taking a sandwich is one thing.
Taking a fucking whole thing in Tupperware?
Can you bring your own Tupperware?
I do wish, though, that in these situations, they had little to-go containers.
Like, okay, here's little ones that you can just take on your way out.
That would be nice.
Instead of just, here's a vat of really good food that we're just going to throw in the trash.
But let me ask you this, because you ate the food there.
You ate whatever you wanted at the meeting.
You had a sandwich.
You had some of the sides.
And then your thought is, I'm going to now take this and have this again for my next meal or two.
In Jake's case, my next four meals are going to be from the same thing?
Yeah, then I don't have to buy food all week.
Wow.
So you're like meal prepping.
That's what you're doing.
That's how I meal prep.
Yeah.
That's unbelievable.
You know, they should hire people like Jake to go into offices and clean out, you know, like an office fridge cleaner.
Or, you know, like, hey, there's stuff left over that people aren't going to take and he's the one that'll take it.
I don't like wasting food.
And I'm of your mindset where, like, I do not want to waste food and I do want to take it home, but I don't want to eat the same thing for, like, three days in a row.
Yeah, you got to create something new with the leftover.
That's what I like to do is incorporate whatever was left over into the next thing.
So if you have, like, leftover steak, that becomes steak and eggs, which is kind of a totally different dish, even though the steak is the same.
Yeah, but you can incorporate it into something new.
Yeah, you've got to incorporate something new.
Jake's just eating it raw dog style.
Yeah, that's awesome.
So you just ate couscous for the next three days?
I ate the couscous the next day,
and I think I ate the sandwich the day after that.
Do you not cook for yourself every day?
No, I make a sandwich.
That's it every day?
You just eat a sandwich?
Sometimes.
He buys that big loaf of bread.
He told us this whole process.
He buys a giant loaf of bread at the beginning of the week
and a thing of turkey, cracker turkey.
I know his whole stupid recipe.
Or what I did, a lot of times I do on the weekend,
is on Sunday
I get my favorite burrito
and I eat like
a little less than half of it
and then I eat the other half.
What?
You eat less than half of it?
Because it's massive.
It's like...
Who cares?
I can't eat only
less than half of a burrito.
And then I eat
like the majority.
Well, I had that
and a taco on Sunday
and then I had the majority
of the burrito yesterday.
What?
And then today
I make my sandwich.
God.
That's nuts.
You eat like you're 80.
This is like my...
Like any old person,
they don't fucking eat.
Yeah.
They just are like,
ah, you know,
They buy a rotisserie chicken, and they just pick at it all week.
Ever since the jab, I changed the way I think about food.
I can't believe you're able to still do that.
When you were living with your girl, did she cook a lot of the meals and stuff?
Because obviously she needed to eat.
The only thing she cooked and she got me cooking, too, was rice.
She had a rice cooker.
Some stereotype, Jake.
She did.
It's the only thing.
But she didn't even cook it for herself.
She cooked it for her dog.
She made her own dog food with rice.
I'm trying to fatten that thing up.
the dog food looked good too
it had like peas in it and stuff
and
but yeah
I would cook
I would cook rice
and then have rice for the week
with butter
and like
broccoli
oh that's why you got
hit on the rice with butter
and that's why you had
that big tantrum in Vegas
I mean rice with butter and salt
and he's right
it's very good
it's so good
it is great
the only thing good
I learned about in anime
is that
that recipe
rice and butter
you needed to watch anime
to learn the recipe
butter and rice
and salt
quiet guys
they're about to do the recipe
and sea salt
I have five years of anime I finally learned.
Put the captions on so I could read it.
Is it rice and butter or butter than rice?
Oh, what am I going to do?
I've got to watch it again.
So you learn that.
That's the thing about every relationship.
They come, they go, and then maybe you take one thing with you.
And now from that relationship, you brought with you butter and rice.
I have a big bag of rice, but I don't have a rice cooker.
So I haven't cooked it since I moved out.
You can cook rice without a rice cooker.
I don't have a pot.
Oh?
I don't have a pot either.
You don't have a pot?
Jake, you don't have one pot?
No.
No pans either?
How do you make ice?
I have a pan, but I haven't used it.
You have one pan?
No, yeah, but I haven't used it since I moved into my place.
What a daryl.
What?
How do you live like that?
My pans don't last more than like, I have to buy new stuff every year.
Why?
Because I use it so much.
You got good stuff.
You're probably buying the cheap piece.
Even when I bought good ones, but it's like, I don't know, maybe I put the heat on too
high or something, but they just look like a mess.
Yeah, like me.
You fuck it up.
I fuck it up.
They don't look good for long.
I'm not patient.
I think you have to do low and slow in order to really preserve the pan.
Jake, do you have a spatula?
I do have a spatula somewhere.
Fly swatting.
How are you talking about?
That's like for those crickets.
My flat back scratcher.
Yeah, I got that by the bed.
Oh, my God.
I'm like washing and using one meal to the next.
That's crazy that Jake could move.
If you had to move out of your shack, you could probably be packed and moved by tonight?
No, I got too many posters and shit.
Oh, right, right, right.
That's right.
When he lacks in actual things people need, he makes up for in posters and shit.
How's your cooking every day thing going?
it's been hard but i'm doing it uh well you had a to-go container today with something no but i
you didn't listen to me the to-go container was my wife had gotten a salad for herself and then
she takes all the good stuff out but pretty much leaves most of the salad i took the chicken breast
the chicken thigh that i made for myself i made a bunch of them i make like four at a time five at
a time ate two and then threw the other one on top of the lettuce and ate it today i've been trying
it's i'll tell you what i don't know i'm gonna do the math at the end of the month and see
I can't decide anymore
what's more expensive
if it's cheaper
I think that everyone believes
and I guess if you like
are good about it
and you go
actually go to Costco
and buy like
you know the big thing
of beef
the nine pounds of beef
and you kind of figure out
how to freeze it
and how to make it
probably over the course
of a month
you're saving money
I can't imagine
it's more expensive
yeah but I do that
where I go to Costco
and I load up on all that meat
and stuff
and I save it
and then I defrost it
and all that shit
but I still have to go
grocery shopping
every single week
for all the other shit, and I'm spending probably
between $100 and $150
for groceries every single
week, and then by the end of the week, we have nothing.
Right, that's the part
that you are ordering. But do you have nothing because you're
eating at all, or do you have nothing because
some shit went bad, and you didn't plan that?
No, we're eating it. You are. It's rare
that I'm throwing away things that have just gone bad
that I didn't use. It's all
planned. It's all strategic. Just non-stop
eating. I mean, that's all it is. It's like everything
in life is just killing time between meals.
Well, and by Thursday and Friday, I'm like,
okay what do i have left and then i have to start really get getting creative it's the only reason
i would want to take the jab i don't even care about losing any weight i just would like the
idea of not constantly yeah having to worry about meals but you know i thought you know i got this
uh the stupid um planner calendar digital calendar thing and on there you're supposed to be able to
like meal plan mostly for the kids because every goddamn night there's a tantrum about something
it's not mac and cheese you promised mac and cheese and we're like so the idea is that they
can see it. Oh, you're going to go?
You know what's happening later today. You're prepared now.
It's going to be meatloaf. Get ready. Like the food hot
lunch menu? It's just set. It's just set.
I love that. That was the best.
There's no fighting. I actually
popped into the cafeteria
the other day at the school to see what's going on in there.
What they got in there? Everything is in
bags. But they do
have... Pizzas? Yeah, pizzas
in bags. Greasy, loud...
Everything is in bags. No, everything is in
not... How do you put pizza in a bag? They steam everything.
So everything is basically steamed
So the pizza is steamed pizza in a bag.
Does it look better than the old school rectangles?
No.
No, old school rectangles were good.
I'm sure they're not by today's standards,
but I remember at the time thinking Pizza Friday
with chocolate chip cookie was the best fucking day of the week.
Wait, so is it a plastic bag?
Yeah, it's plastic bags.
What the fuck?
Yeah, the milk's in bags.
The food's in bags.
The milk's in bags?
But the after school snacks that they have.
He had to drink it out of the bag.
He's going to take it out of this carton and put it in this bag.
The milk is in a bag.
It's in these
It's like
They're like in like
A triangle bag
That they sit about
Like a Capri Sun
Yeah but more bag
More round
But a more round Capri Sun
Like a bag
And then you
Pop the straw in it
And there's your chocolate milk
What
Yeah no cartons dude
Crazy
Dude if I was a kid in that class
I would just throw that
Bomb
Milk bombs
Yeah
But they
But I will say that
The after school snacks I've seen
Because a couple times
I'll grab my kid
And they'll have
Sunflower seeds
Beef jerky
Oh yum
I think they give them an orange or apple slices in a bag.
They're in plastic bags.
Throw away.
And I think they get like Cheez-Its.
I like how we can't have plastic bags at grocery stores anymore.
Yeah, I know.
I thought we were supposed to be getting rid of single-use plastic.
That's the cornerstone of all kids' food now.
They literally gave us a thing about how we can't bring plastic to the school.
Like if we're going to pack a lunch for our kid, they don't want us to use plastic.
And then they're going to put everything else in plastic?
That's our job.
We can't.
Don't be taking our thing.
They even gave us notes on our snacks.
They said, don't bring Cheez-Its, Goldfish, and Teddy Grahams and stuff like that because
it doesn't sustain your kid, and your kid's going to be hungry 15 minutes later.
They're attacking the Cheez-Its.
And I'm like, well, you get my kid to eat something else.
I have four flavors of Cheez-Its at my house right now.
And by the way, if they say that your Cheez-Its don't sustain your kid, you tell them, well,
you've never seen me eat 19 bags of them because that'll sustain them.
Yeah, give them more Cheez-Its.
That's what you do.
They're not wrong.
We go through like five bags a day of Cheez-Its.
You do?
You do?
They're right there next to me.
I know.
It's impossible.
yeah we had four cups of mac and cheese this morning but also all to all of the companies
out there and i know that we talked to a listener of ours that works at a chip factory called this
week they don't put enough uh they don't put enough chip i think they're so concerned with
trying to make it seem like it's not terrible for you that they want to keep everything under like
150 calories so they give you it's such a sad i had one of those cheez-its it's like half a bag
it's not even a not even a real handful it's like a half a handful of cheez-its there's like seven
of them in there. I felt sustained.
That's what, he works
on that same bag all week.
I cracked this bag on Monday.
That's my meal prep. I'm meal prepping these Cheez-Its.
Every day.
I'm like, did you get the shitty muffins I put in there?
The chocolate chip muffins? Those sustain them.
Yeah, well, they don't like that shit.
They don't, the schools,
yeah, well. Look, we all tried to get
healthy shit into our children. It didn't work.
Yeah, they passed. Let's all just.
What was the healthy thing you tried?
Well, like, the only healthy thing he'll eat is fruit.
That's the only thing
He won't eat beef jerky
He won't eat anything
With protein
Well beef jerky is healthy
Sure it is
Compared to other things
Well it's at least protein
It's like hydrated meat
It's good for you
It still has
It has way too much salt
I tried
But what is a healthy snack
For a kid
I tried to get those
Healthy ass fruit roll ups
Not the real ones
But the ones that are made of
Like you know
Fucking mango or whatever
Right
Kids sniff that out
From a mile away
Yeah
What is this bullshit
We got like cheddar bunnies
That have squash in them
Or some shit
And he
Yeah
That's okay
My kids favorite
I ate them
Because he wouldn't eat them
Yeah
That's what ends up happening
Yeah, they're great, actually.
Yeah, it's not good.
But the only thing is, like, veggie straws.
That's the only healthy snack.
Those aren't even really healthy.
And those aren't really healthy.
Those are, like, make-believe healthy, but if you actually look at it...
I think the only veggie in there is, like, cornstarch.
Exactly.
Right.
So if you're doing a, quote, healthy snack, you know what that means?
That means I'm going to use Annie's brand.
And it's just as unhealthy, but Annie's is organic, so it's healthy.
Like, when you were growing up, what would be, like, I would go over to certain friends' houses that had the best snacks.
And it was always, like, Oreos or Chips Ahoy or those great Keebler fucking ones that fudge all on one side and the lines on the other.
And there was, like, a challenge.
If you could get a bite without getting chocolate, they'd give you a million dollars.
But you couldn't.
It was impossible.
There was too much fudge.
I think you just made that up.
No, that was a promotion that I tried for a while.
That sounds gay.
Yeah, that sounds gay.
I'm telling you, I read it.
Too much fudge.
Too much fudge.
so the question is what would you you would eat shit too right all shit oh my god yeah but i feel
like the shit back then was less shitty and ding dongs oh really yeah but i think it was all shit
chocolate donuts but wasn't the whole wasn't the whole point that the shit then was less shitty
than the shit now because like even though it was shitty in the sense of it was like sugar and
something at least it was like real sugar yeah i don't think that anything is more healthy now i
think it's just packaged differently is my point yeah same with same with gatorade remember gatorade
used to really smack when it came with the
green wrapper. Like, that shit
used to, like, leave your tongue feeling fucking
electric. Oh, what about Gatorade gum?
Fuck. That shit was...
They had Gatorade gum? Yeah, and it was fucking
awesome for about five seconds. Really?
That had the goo in the middle, right? No, no, no.
That's Gushers or something.
Gushers, yeah.
But Gatorade gum was...
Gatorade gum, and it was... It was a knockoff of
Quencher's gum. Quencher's gum was the original.
I would... No, this is Gatorade's...
This Gatorade gum is, like, from the 80s, early 80s.
I think it's way before Quencher's.
Huh.
And they haven't had it for a while, but it was fucking rad for like three seconds.
And then it tastes like nothing.
The fact that a lot of these snacks are probably sitting in a warehouse somewhere, you know,
they pulled them off shelves or whatever, but they probably still exist.
I would love to get my hands on some of that shit.
I know that people are so...
That's right.
You could probably still eat it, too, because there's so much shit.
Of course you could.
Of course.
These foods aren't...
Like, snacks is not a real food.
No, it's not.
Snack in general is not food.
A bunch of preservatives and shit.
The candy bonkers.
Remember bonkers?
It was like different flavors, but it had like the outside was a one color, the inside was a different color.
Like maybe like watermelon was a green on the outside, but pink on the inside.
Jake is from the 70s in case if you...
Yeah, what is bonkers?
It's an 80s candy.
Is that from that show Laughing or something?
No, no, no.
It was just a candy in the 80s.
Bonkers?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, these look terrible.
They're good.
Those are Jake's favorite.
Grapes, strawberry, and watermelon were so good.
The chocolate one was bad.
Let me see the wrapper.
See if I even – bonkers.
What the hell is that?
They're good.
This looks like wartime candy.
Yeah.
I think I saw – I think I saw a guy eating that outside of Auschwitz or something.
When I was a nom, we ate bonkers.
The soldiers came.
Freedom.
Here's a bonker.
Sorry you lost your family.
That made everything okay.
I feel like Jake is not the right gauge of what was good candy back then.
The point is this.
We have more information now, but I don't think we're actually making better choices.
Well, you can take out the preservatives and the corn syrup and shit, but that doesn't
make it nutritious.
It's not a nutritious snack.
Like, snacks aren't inherently nutritious.
Empty calories.
Yeah.
Right.
Even if you take out the red dye number five and all that shit, it's not like the kid is
getting anything nutritious from a snack like that.
Yeah, but you say he eats fruit.
Yeah, but there's only so much fruit a kid can eat in a day.
Yeah, even fruit, by the way.
Tons of sugar.
Right, whenever you try to do something healthy, someone else will jump on and be like, actually,
fruit is full of way too much sugar.
Yes, but the sugar is way diluted, and you have to eat so much more than that.
I would rather give him more strawberries than give him fruit snacks.
So I would just give him fruit rather than fruit snacks.
But if you cut up some strawberries at 6 in the morning, by the time he eats them at 3
p.m., they're fucking disgusting.
I was on a steak kick for a while, and people started telling me, you can't eat too much
steak.
Too much red meat is bad for you.
You gotta eat two times a week.
I think that's the best thing you can eat is steak all the time.
Yeah, because that's what the cavemen used to eat back in the day.
It seemed like whatever it is that's anywhere near enjoyable, something will, like, it's bad for you.
I remember I saw someone once said cold water was bad for you.
I was like, eat shit, cold water.
Fucking do it.
Cold water is bad for you.
Drinking cold water is bad for you?
Because it's cold or whatever.
I think you are supposed to drink, like, warm room temperature water.
Well, there's a lot of singers that will do that because they think the cold one, like, shocks their vocal cords.
But I'm just saying
If you're outside
Fucking it's hot
I'll tell you this
I have delivery drivers all day
And I
In this heat
They're sweating
Their sweat dripping out
And I say
Hey can I get you guys a water
And I give them the choices
I have cold
Because I don't have cold bottles
In my fridge
So I have
I can give you a room temperature
Bottle of regular water
Or I can give you a cold
Glass
No like I have like
Sparkling water
Oh so you don't give them a glass
They always go
They go whatever's cold
Give me whatever's cold
You want what's cold
No one wants room temperature
Ass water
Sometimes I've ordered
like whatever the coldest beer you have here.
Yeah, you don't care.
You'll go with that.
Cold, temperature first.
Because we had this guy came by to look at our AC,
and I don't have stuff like that.
So I had water from my fridge.
I have healthy snacks that my kid rejected.
Here you go, sir.
Well, I did ask.
I was like, do you guys want some snacks?
I got tons of snacks.
You want some seaweed bears or like gummy bears?
But I don't have like good.
I was like, would you like a sparkling water or an iced tea or some water?
And then he said, well, take some water.
But I don't have bottled water.
I have just from my fridge.
Oh, so you gave them in a glass?
Yeah.
With ice?
But it was cold water.
I didn't put ice in it,
because I'm sure they want the most water they can get,
so they chugged a giant glass of water.
And then just left the glass and left?
And then I put the glasses in the dishwasher.
That's very like 1950s of you, I feel like,
to be like, come on in, workers.
That's very bonkers of you.
Yeah, it's very bonkers of you.
Have a glass of water.
No, it is quite bonkers.
You're right.
You know what we should do from now?
We should find some bonkers
and just whatever we have delivered,
people go, would you care for some bonkers?
I don't know. I don't have bottled
water, though. You mean the 80s candy has been discontinued
for 30 years?
Here's our options. I have bonkers
or I have these other three flavors. We have
to have somebody for Halloween
that just has bonkers
and see what their Halloween is like.
Hey, kids, I got bonkers.
Bonkers, bonkers,
bonkers or bonkers?
The licorice flavor or the, oh no,
it's potato flavor.
Well, Jake, I'm sure you had a fun childhood.
But Jake used to be a fat kid, right?
No, I was always kidding.
I love when you make shit up about us that's not true.
Everything that comes out of his mouth is always a fucking lie.
I thought Jake was fat.
I thought you said you were fat.
No, when I was down here, I was outside skateboarding and running BMX every fucking day.
I like when Jake corrects me on the air because usually the correction is much sadder than the original statement.
I was like, Jake, you haven't been late in a month, right?
No, it's been a year, Klein.
Yeah, that's not right.
Yeah, get it right.
So that's why.
I was fucking tan when I moved to Seattle.
I was dark.
I was darker than Johnny.
Really?
Hell yeah.
I was in the sun every day.
I was living in Ventura.
It was fucking dark.
Well, I was super white the whole time.
Yeah, give it up for Allie.
You were fat, weren't you?
I was fat.
Big and fat.
As a baby, fat.
But then I leaned out, and now I'm getting fat again.
Now you know my next thing.
Well, that's because your parents didn't allow you to have sugar.
That's exactly right.
It didn't exist.
I had to get, I'm trying to think,
i had to break my shoulder and collarbone before they ever bought me my first box of like lucky
charms and that was like a feel better sorry that you broke your shoulder and collarbone
here's the cereal you've always wanted other than that it was like fucking total and did you feel
do you feel you were deprived yes because one of our friends is like that like she has not given
her kid sugar and he's almost two and she gave him sugar one time and he of course like was super
jacked because he was having sugar and she's like oh never again and i'm like but eventually he's
gonna go to a birthday party he's gonna have like are you gonna go crazy the one day yeah are you
gonna make like you can't hide sugar from him his whole life he's gonna fucking ruin his life dude
my buddy was like that and he's gonna exactly like he's gonna feel like fuck this is being
taken from me well like i i don't know we always just do whatever you want we don't have any rules
i had friends that uh i'm in high school their parents they like would leave cigarettes
and weed and and basically out on the counter and be like if you're gonna you're gonna have it just
have it here like respond like and the kids didn't want any of it we'd go over and smoke it all
that's cool but i i i had the same basically where my mom had cigarettes and weed out on the table
once i was in high school and stuff and obviously was smoking weed and cigarettes and stuff she
didn't she didn't care and she actually threw part we threw parties together at my house
sometimes your mom yeah it was not just like hanging out yeah and i would i mean it was cool
because my mom would let us do whatever but it was like not cool because my mom would but also
my mom was in my group of friends like all of them they loved my mom so what does that mean
right there your mom was in your group of friends like she was well my group of friends was all
theater people because we just did shows all the time and everyone got super fucked up and my mom
did costumes for a lot
of the shows
so they knew her already
and then it was like
oh Gina's cool
like you know
they would smoke weed
and smoke cigarettes
with my mom
and it wasn't like
but are the people
in your group
are there people
like older than you too
like it wasn't like
just your age
yeah it was a lot
of different ages
but then after
a certain time pass
I was like
that was inappropriate
you know like
she should have
just been my mom
I don't think
she should have done that
like I think she was
in a midlife crisis
or something
like she was fresh
off her second divorce she was like new lease on life i'm the cool one a lot of fuel for therapy
you ever asked her if she ever hooked up with any of those theater people no i didn't ask that
actually i wonder if she did i don't know and then we my aunt her daughter is now of that age
where they're all partying and she wants to be the cool mom and she let them have a party in her
house they fucking trash the house oh what do you expect it's like well yeah now now you've allowed
them to trash the house because you want to be cool but then also you're now you're not the mom
figure you're the friend figure and that's not how cool can you be when you're like oh god my
ottoman is stained totally exactly then you have to cross the line it's all backed up you can't
be fake cool you gotta be cool yeah burn that ottoman to the fucking ground so like i think
there's a medium there that we need to find somewhere you can't make it totally off limits
but you can't make it too accessible my friends and i used to never drink or smoke at these
parties in high school that's cool but no not like that that's bonkers my mom was cooler than
you'll ever be but our vice was like destroying and fucking shit up so like we would go and
intentionally fuck up somebody's bathroom or throw a bunch of limes oh my god i would rather
someone get wasted and throw up in my bathroom than a pool do well because their pool was like
kind of like small so and the neighbor had like huge lime and lemon tree so we would pick them
off and we'd go to the other side of the house and we'd chuck them over the house into the pool
and everybody would just be hanging around the pool
and it would like splash in there
and they'd be like,
who the fuck's throwing all the fucking limes?
And we'd be on the other side of the house
just fucking, we're stupid.
What if the loser's drinking with the rest of us?
We sober idiots aren't putting limes in their drinks,
they're throwing them in a pool.
That's whack.
That's how Johnny thinks you make a margarita.
We throw limes at fucking cars.
Oh, we did that too.
We got in trouble by the cops.
These poor limes, what's going on?
Or whatever fruit we had,
like in that last household in Ventura,
like kids down there were crazy.
In the valley, yeah.
All the neighbors had, like, fucking lemon trees and shit.
And we'd get up in trees.
We'd throw, like, nuts down and shit at cars and stuff.
Yeah, look at us now, huh?
Yeah.
A bunch of wells.
All in the same room.
Hey, we all got here at the same time.
All here, huh?
And now we're going to leave.
So on that note, have a great rest of your day.
Thanks for giving us some bonus time.
We're back tomorrow, believe it or not.
And that's it.
We.
All right, we.
That's it?
Yeah, we.
That was like a five-minute episode.
I said we.
