Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - SKWAH! (FULL SHOW 9/9)

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

We found a new way to torture ourselves this NFL season. We call it Forced Fandom! Basically we're forcing each other to support a random NFL team all season long, even if we hate them. We must watch games, buy merch, join online communities, and whoever's team goes the farthest gets to ATTEND the Super Bowl in LA at SoFi Stadium Feb 14th. Whoever's team does the worst will have to travel to their team's city to watch the Super Bowl among their new legion of loser fans. We also went down memory lane and played a couple of bits from years past, including Klein's famous Dateline interview. A man named Kegan Klein was a suspect in the Delphi murders, and Omar skillfully inserted clips of Klein when they covered the story on Dateline. It aged well. Meanwhile, we replayed Jake's call to a Pet Store last year leading up to the Super Bowl which featured Jake Squaw-ing to a very confused pet shop owner. This didn't age well. Jake has an interesting new dilemma with his girl friend. She confessed she does NOT like his Patchouli deodorant, but he just bought a big batch of 5 sticks (and some lip balm). Should he get rid of it and buy a new scent? Or keep being Jake? Johnny received unexpected money and Klein convinced him to put it on the NFL game tonight. Can he turn $600 into $1400 so he can buy his dream guitar?

We'll get into an episode of Klein Alley Show in just a moment, but in the meantime, let's tell you about our absolute favorite place on the planet. Yep, that would be San Bernardino International Airport, where you can go through the airport process without waiting in long lines and overpaying for parking. Quick connections to the Bay Area and the world, plus ski and snowboard in Provo from San Bernardino all winter long. Every other airport, you're going to be in long TSA lines, you're going to be miserable, you're going to say, oh, I got to get there two, three hours before my flight.

Not at San Bernardino International Airport. And now we send you on a direct flight into our podcast, which starts right now. Hey, what's going on, Clown and Allie? Are you ready? I love Clown and Allie, you little bitch. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Just don't let things bother you too much. Good morning, everybody.

Hey, what up, Clown and Allie? Whoa, sweet deviled steak, did you see that? Meet the Clown and Allie show. Let's get the show started. The show started. the show started we are live in los angeles three two one and here we go it's klein alley show low 6.7 kro qfm and hd pasadena los angeles orange county the sonic pulse of los angeles this is the world famous k-rock oh welcome back football boy we loved you

Boy, we missed you. Today, it is back again. Say goodbye to your friends, your family, your relatives for a long time. We will re-listen to the Jake Squaw call that he did right before the Super Bowl last year. Jake is wearing his Super Bowl shirt that he bought. You know, Jake went to the Super Bowl last year, courtesy of Blind Charlie. We kind of forgot about that. We all forgot.

He went to the Super Bowl. Made it happen. This year's Super Bowl in Los Angeles. Also, interesting enough, Allie's due date, which I did not realize, because I didn't know Allie was pregnant. Apparently, she's been yapping about it. We all tuned her out, but she is due on Super Bowl Sunday. Which is also Valentine's Day and President's Day weekend,

which is something that was very contested last year and the year before. I feel like everyone talks about why don't we just have Super Bowl Sunday on President's Day weekend so that everyone has the day off on Monday and it's finally happening. It made sense. The problem was the Valentine's Day thing, where I think a lot of people realize you do the Super Bowl. It's like, you know, stereotypically, that's guys' weekend to do whatever

and then make it up for whoever the next weekend on Valentine's Day. Now it's all being mashed together. But listen, I think it's going to be great for everyone unless you are expecting a baby that day, in which case it's going to be terrible. But for everyone else, it's going to be a great weekend. Or awesome. Yeah, well, listen.

And the Super Bowl's here. In L.A. And one of our goals would be, could we get Allie to the game to go into labor? Because that would be the big story, you going into labor at the Super Bowl. And I think it's a fact that if you go into labor anywhere, they have to invite you back forever.

Like, someone goes into labor on a plane, They always get, like, free flights for life. I think if you go into labor at the Super Bowl, they have to invite you to every Super Bowl. Right. And you just have to hope that you go into labor in a good place. Right. Not on, like, a Frontier Airlines flight. And then you get, like, Super Bowl, and they cut you a big check.

Like, you know, hey, you're going to be set for life. This kid's, here's the college money. Yeah, that's sometimes, right. You get a check for, like, $500,000. They do that. They want to look good. So the NFL commissioner comes in, writes you a big fat check, and says, this is Super Bowl, baby. I don't have to name my kid, like, SoFi?

You may have to. But you've got no problem with that, right? You don't care. You'd sell the naming rights. How much would it cost you to sell the naming rights to this kid? Not much, I'm sure. I feel like that would give the kid a complex. No way.

Names are so weird these days anyway. No one knows. You want another Mason? We've got enough Masons running around. There are so many Masons. That money came from Big Jar. Big Jar paid for that. Big Jar?

That's right, Mason Jars. They're on top of that. You don't think someone took a payday from Big Jar, and then all of a sudden that name took off? I don't know if I believe that everyone took payments from Big Jar, and that's why everyone's name is Mason. The point is, you will have options, I would imagine. And if you do give birth at the Super Bowl,

that would be big for the show, big for you, probably the best thing you've ever done. And I would have to pretend to be a fan of whatever team is at the Super Bowl because that just sweetens the deal. Yeah, but I think, once again, woman gives birth, that would be, you know, they always look for those, it's always going to be a streaker. But there's been a while, I don't know if I've ever heard a story of woman gives birth at the Super Bowl.

There's always streaker. There's always old person who's always wanted to see the team at the Super Bowl. It's my last chance to see Tom Brady. So I'm not those. Right. But I guess I could be pregnant streaker. That would be, oh, man. Get tackled instantly.

Terrible. And then the baby just flies out. I couldn't find enough blur. I couldn't find a big enough blur to block Allie. She's just so much. I think it's one of the players. I think it's an offensive lineman. We're not sure.

Don't tackle him. Anyway, welcome to Very Offensive. The most offensive lineman is right down the field, slipping in the snail trail. We've got a decent show in store for you. Forget everything you've just heard. We'll tell you all about it, tell you what we'll give you, and make it all worth your while. Good morning, it's KROQ. We hate to start the show with controversy, but of course that seems to follow us around.

So at least we're not involved in this particular controversy, although someone is not happy with us throwing the term slogger around so loosely these days. Slogger is a term, I believe it was a slur used against our show because it took us a four-year slog before we, quote, found our way. And so we started referring to some of our listeners. Actually, they started referring to themselves as sloggers. And a lot of them have been calling themselves sloggers from the very beginning. And as a result, we're celebrating with these low slogger shirts we'll be giving out at the next show hang, which is happening next Wednesday. Meanwhile, some people that claim that they've been listening since the very beginning are upset that new listeners are considering themselves sloggers.

Trying to take the name Slogger, and this guy makes an interesting point that I didn't think about. It is, guys. I love you, but I've got some issues with this terminology you guys keep throwing around of Sloggers. You know, that's the thing, is you can't just decide to be a Slogger. You can't just, like, that one guy that called in a couple weeks ago, and he said he was on and off with you guys for five years, and now he decided he's all in and he's going to be a Slogger. No, bro, you're not a Slogger.

So this guy's point is that you can't really just wake up one day and say, today I'm a slogger. Slogger is something that is earned. You had to have slogged. Years of slogging through the mud with us. Sloggers are the ones that have been listening and been dedicated for, I would say, at the very least, the minimum of two years, if not longer. Like, sloggers, that means that we've been there.

We've been through you guys through the ups and the downs, and we've been through you guys and supported you guys through everything. Like, you can't just come in and be like, oh, I'm a slogger. You can be a listener. You can be a neckbanger. You can be part of a Fine Alley Show family. But, like, no, dude, sloggers, that's an earned, you have to earn that. You can't just decide to be a slogger.

It's a badge of dishonor to be a slogger from the very beginning. Well, wait a minute. Yeah, I know you guys got this merch or whatever, and you're going to give it out to people, okay? But, yeah, it's nothing that, you know, there's no way to guarantee you're giving it to an actual slogger. This is the guy's concern, is that what if someone gets in that line, who's one of the first 106 people, wears the low-slogger shirt and has only been listening to the show for a couple of weeks? Then they're not technically a slogger, and that would be a stolen value. What if they don't even listen to the show? They just want a free shirt?

Right, and that's most people. And a free taco. Most people love free shirts and free tacos. But I understand what he's saying. However, if you are going to become a slogger and you're starting your slog, say today is day one of your slog five years down the road you will be a slogger because you will have slogged along for five years he's saying you can't be a day one maybe it's like a frat initiation where you have to put in your dues to become a slogger and then this man is an og

slogger which is different and that's the difference i believe there are certain people that are og sloggers can't spell slogger without og there are some people that are og day one sloggers and then there's other people that uh listen ali and i when we got fired from our last job uh and they go i'm up in the bay area and they go uh we are real deal sloggers because we put up with you guys before you even started on k-rock bay area sloggers so that's a different sloggers who slogged with us before we even were fired there's people that say i used to listen to when he was on sirius xm i slogged with him then so how long does the slog go god yeah how far back is a slog and we're just happy to have anyone that wants to spend any time with us any morning

so i look at like all people that do that and by choice i think that anybody who listens to the show is considered a slogger because some days feel like a slog if you've been through any of ali's questions it's a slog it's a slog to get to the end of those questions i mean sometimes we've heard them i mean they go on and on i know there's some new listeners omar play one of these questions at random because for anyone who has been from the beginning of one of ali's questions to the end of it it feels like a four-year slog and it's just one question i don't even care which one you play because they're all slogs here we go yeah it was crazy because i went and saw i went and saw you at the Troubadour last week and fantastic show obviously any show at the Troubadour

is going to be amazing but I mean your vocals are always out of this world and one thing I did notice was that I was sitting next to a girl who looked like she was probably 20 years old and then to my left was a couple that looked like they were in their 70s and everybody was like equally jamming out you know and and it does kind of your music really does hit a lot of different people And maybe, I mean, I don't know why you think that is, but it's kind of some of your music can kind of have that bluesy classic feel. And some of it, the other music is very experimental, right? And seems very modern. Slug.

What a slug. You're all sluggers. I didn't think there was a question there. There wasn't. I don't know why you think that is, but I'm not going to allow you to answer. I'm going to answer my opinion of the thing I just said to you. I mean, that was, I don't even know who the hell you're talking to. It's all about the Tiberdor.

That was posier. It's because of my life. You wouldn't know that from the clip, though. They wouldn't know. Because he couldn't get a word in his way. He did say, mm. Yeah, he did. The guy made it all the way back to Ireland during that, I think.

Jesus Christ. I want to hear her with Alanis Morissette. No, please stop. Anyone that I actually like or respect are the ones I make the biggest fool out of myself. Anyone, I wish we had, I don't think we have it, but the time that Ali listed all of Chelsea Handler's dead animals, though, that was one of my favorites. Another woman I respect. Followed by a non-question.

But yes, let's hear this. For anyone who's new to the slog, this will be the greatest initiation. You can make it through these questions. You are, as far as I'm concerned, maybe not an OG slogger, but you're a new slogger. You deserve some kind of a shirt. At the very least. Colin, has writing always been, I mean, I know writing has been a huge outlet for you throughout your career and throughout your life. And has that relationship changed over time? I mean, as you, and you've been, the show that you're about to perform at has a huge focus on mental health. You've been very open about your mental health and writing and making music.

Has it always been something that helps you or has it been sort of a challenge or a block for you in some ways? Oh, man. Excuse me. Oh, God. I think that got somewhere. It got nowhere. It got nowhere. I feel like I kind of know what I was saying.

But anyone who knows anything knows that the original slog from Allie, the original slog question. The wet leg slog. Was with wet leg. And this one is. You guys, I mean, you were performing in a place where I think there weren't even really music venues there, right? So, I mean, you were performing in a place where there weren't a lot of audiences to be had. And then to step off the island, you had to, it was kind of expensive, right? So, I mean, is it still, I mean, you've blown up so quickly.

Is it still really nerve wracking even being front of audiences? Being front of audiences. There she is. Wow. They made me nervous because they don't talk. So anyway, someone said that last question took three business days. That's true. Three to five.

Three to five business days. All right, so congratulations. Standard chipping on that question. You're all sloggers in some way, shape, or form, but that guy does make a good point. And, you know, we don't play favorites. Anyone who's decided, maybe you're a day one listener today. 909 said, after going through that again, I quit. All right.

See, we just lost someone. So there we go. We got opening for a slogger. If you want in, start listening. We will give you those shirts at our hang, which is happening a week from Wednesday. A week from today. That's right. At Descanso.

We'll be there. All the details up on our Instagram, KleinAllyShow. Quick break. We're back in a moment with Allie's money. If you want it, take it. 800-520-1067. I believe she lost yesterday. I did.

She also lost last week a few times. So now is a great time to take advantage of Allie, who is clearly mentally beaten down. I also lost again just now. So you sure did. We all lost. If you want in, 800-520-1067. Five questions about the news. We pay the people and we do it after this.

And then later this morning, we get you into Not Scary Farm opening night right here on KROQ. Five questions, $100. That's on Fridays where those five questions become $500. It's Allie's money on the line. She will go ahead and put her brain and her... Once again, Allie, you've done this before, but you claim that you know more about the news than anyone else. I don't really claim that.

Because you spend all your time putting the news together for the show. You'll deliver that later this hour. And you believe that any regular peon, as you've called them, listening to the radio... I saw things that you've made up. Couldn't possibly know a thing or two about what's happening in the world in the same way that you do, You think as soon as we go off the air, I'm like, another idiot sucker.

I know more than... Well, you've said it out loud, and I'm sure you think it. So, if you're up for the challenge, nothing better than putting Allie in her place, proving you know more about the news than she does, and at the same time, forcing her to give you some of her money. So, it goes like that. If you've never played before, or perhaps you've heard it on the air, you're always welcome to call us at 800-520-1067,

or use that local line, 323-TIBOLI, if you're nasty. Hey, Maria, good morning. Hi, good morning. You will be battling Allie for $100 American currency. I hope you win it. She will leave the K-Rock Studios. Momentarily, and your round will begin. We are rooting for the people.

It's your time to shine, and here we go. Allie knows the news. This movie star's house had a sinkhole that opened up beneath it, forcing this movie star to evacuate. Jay Leno. Jay Leno. We go to question number two. In-N-Out has made some major changes to their ingredients.

Name one ingredient that has been changed at In-N-Out that is making the news. The beef patties. Beef patties. We go to question number three. Oh, boy. You getting pulled over? No, it's my work phone. NFL kickoff is today.

In what city is the game taking place? Um, St. Louis. St. Louis. We go to question number four now. The LAPD bomb squad has been called to the scene of where this morning to report to a suspicious package that was found. Where is the LAPD bomb squad right now? Well, Alhambra. Alhambra.

And finally, question number five. This habit, according to new research out today, apparently leads to loneliness. So if you participate in this habit, there's a good chance that you are feeling lonely. Which habit is it? Gaming. Gaming? All right. Score together.

Allie's going to come back in here in a moment, see how you did. Once again, if you think you're smarter than Maria or you're up for the challenge, you can call us tomorrow around the same time for a chance to battle Allie for her own money. We go to question number one, Allie. Yes, I'm ready. This movie star had a sinkhole that is opened up underneath his house, forcing him to evacuate that house. That would be a Mr. Nicolas Cage, I believe. She said Jay Leno, but the correct answer is Nick Cage.

He seems like a sinkhole guy for sure, and that is the correct answer. I like that we didn't even notice. We go to question number two now. Allie's up early, one nothing. In-N-Out has made some pretty major changes to some of their ingredients. Name one of those changes that has been made. One of the ingredients that they have talked about changing. I saw this headline.

I didn't click on it, so I'm not sure what it is. Are they just going like non-GMO or something? I need a more specific. Their meat? It's funny. She said Patty's too. I didn't see that. I saw the three big ones is they're switching up their ketchup to a sugar ketchup as opposed to a high fructose corn syrup.

So the ketchup will be different. The salt, little salt package, are going from the iodized salt to the sea salt. It's a big one. Oh, interesting. And they're getting the sesame, whatever sesame powder was in their buns is gone. So anyone who's got these sesame allergies can still enjoy the buns. I didn't see anything about the meat, so I don't think either of you get the points on that. I don't know.

Maybe there was some more stuff announced I didn't see. Those were the three big ones that everyone was talking about. I love that people get so outraged about that. Yeah, well, people get outraged to get outraged, but, you know. Does that bother you as an In-N-Out customer? I don't even know if I would notice, to be honest. I don't ever take the ketchup, so. Yeah, I wouldn't notice.

You don't need a ketchup on a burger that good. I agree. And if I'm going to dip the fries in anything, I'm going to dip it in the spread. I'm going to dip it in the ketchup. Totally, there are better sauces. So it doesn't affect me at all. Or I'll dip them in the milkshake directly. Okay, I'm fat.

What? Question three. NFL kickoff. Can someone pull that? NFL kickoff is today. In what city is it happening? Oh, God. Well, I know it's the Seahawks and the Patriots.

I don't know if there's a neutral city that they've chosen. I guess I'll just go with Seattle. Oh, Allie gets the points. It is Seattle. Congratulations. Are the winners, they would be at home? They get the home game as we kick things off. She said St. Louis, so she's not doing well with two questions left.

Here we go. The LAPD Bomb Squad has been called to the scene of a suspicious package this morning. Where are they currently right now? The LAPD Bomb Squad. LAX? Ah, good guess. Not right, though. She said Alhambra.

Also not right. They're currently in downtown LA at a federal building. Ooh, fun. Usually a good guess for where the bomb squad is. You should have guessed it. We got a final question, and I don't think it matters for you, Maria. Sadly, Allie has held on to her money for another day, but here we go. So this habit, according to new research out today, is now linked to loneliness.

People that participate in this habit are lonelier than people who do not. Did it for decades. That would be smoking. Smoking, which I thought was such a great social thing to do. Yeah, but now there's not enough smokers out there, so everyone outside the bar is just alone. Well, Allie smoked your ass, and that means she's lonely. And what must you shamefully admit over the airwaves of K-Rock? Maria, go ahead.

My name is Lilia, and Allie knows the news. All right, thank you for participating. And tomorrow, hopefully, someone else will call and win Allie's money, and that's what it's all about here. And we learned something. So a good day for everyone except the smokers. I'm so sorry. It's K-Rock.

Football's back today. It's a great time to be alive. It's a great week to be alive. It's a great day to be alive. And we welcome you back, football boy. We miss you. And to celebrate, because Seattle is playing today, And Jake is from Seattle and a big Seahawks fan.

We will be listening to the call in its entirety of us playing all of Jake's squaws to that poor lady at the pet shop. And she, here's just a tease. We'll get to this later. Are you a good birdie? Squaw. Are you a good birdie? Squaw. I don't know.

That was a woman that was trying to help us with our problem. So we'll get into that. If you missed it, you'll hear it in its entirety as we get you ready for another season of NFL football. I got a disturbing email this morning, and I know we talked last week about how people have spent tons of money on their pets and are willing to spend a lot of money on their pets. I had to spend, I believe it was $6,000 on our cat that is one year old because he swallowed something he shouldn't have, and they had a bowel obstruction. They did a big, lengthy surgery.

They said it was going to cost a lot of money, but this cat is my kid's best friend. I feel like I had no choice. Anyway, this is a newish vet that we've been going to for the last year for all three of our animals. And I received an email from this vet, which I never get emails for, like, when do they contact you? Usually if your pet's dead. Vaccine, too. Sure, vaccine. Or happy birthday, Chloe.

Mortadella. The dog needs a mortadella shot. What's that? Something dogs get. That's a salami, isn't it? Oh, mortadella. It's one of those two. So, I get an email from him.

This just came in a half hour ago. I wanted to personally share an important change with all of you, rather than have you hear about it somewhere else. Oh, boy. Oh, you had sex with an animal. Is that what happened? You had sex with Mortadella? Is that what happened? No.

As many of you know, I've been recently away from the hospital. I have been recovering from surgery, but there is a completely other issue going on that has been ongoing for approximately four years. These are two separate issues, and I want to be clear that my recent absence has genuinely been because of my injury and surgery. But after this lengthy process... This is a transition situation. I'm going to be a lady doctor now. I'm going to be a lady vet. You decide whether I'm still qualified.

Is that what's happening here? I feel like they're setting us up for something. I will be taking a pay cut myself. Take 70 cents to the dollar for this transition. After a lengthy process, the board has made the decision to revoke my veterinary license. Oh, wow. Effective September 28th. As a result, after that date, I will no longer be able to practice veterinary medicine, perform surgery, diagnose patients, or prescribe medications.

That's crazy to think about. Obviously, this is a difficult chapter for me. What did this person possibly do to have their certification revoked? Right, so then for me, I'm going, do I stick with this hot? because he's not the only doctor there. Is that a serious question? Do you stick with the person that just had their medical license revoked?

Is now a great time to get them in for a checkup since he's only got 20 days left? Are you stupid? I'm just wondering if it's going to be cheaper to go in. Is that a serious question you're asking? He probably knows how to do a regular exam. I don't know what the charges are.

I don't know what's happening. Maybe he just had an affair with somebody on his team. Maybe he's a great vet. He's not a qualified vet anymore as through the eyes of the people that determine if you're qualified or not. By the 28th, he won't be. No, today, he's not. If they've said you've lost, it takes them a while for that to process the thing.

If you got a letter, let's forget about the animals for a second. This is a human doctor. You're going to this doctor right now for your lady parts because you're pregnant? An OB. Yeah, right. If you get an email that says, I just found out I've been, I've lost my license to practice. I would want to know why. You would think to yourself, oh, I better get in there quickly and see him one more time?

Maybe it's just someone who was drunk during a surgery once, but they're really good at what they do. People deserve second chances. It's probably not easy to lose a license because it's hard to get one. I think it's harder to get one. You've got to obviously go through the schooling. You've got to pass the test. You've got to do whatever that other stuff is where you spend the night at the hospital for a while. This is Dr. Slayton.

He's been practicing medicine for 25 years for animals. He said it was the only thing he ever wanted to do. Was it an age-related situation? Like, guy's got shaky hands now or something? No, I mean, he's a pretty young guy. I mean, there's a couple of doctors there, but they're all kind of, no one's like ancient or old or anything. But I think that this is public record. I think I can look up and find Dr. Slayton and figure out what he actually got charged with.

So he's lost his, he said, basically, I have lost my license. I will not be able to practice moving forward. And he didn't say something like, but if you want to continue to use me, kind of like a black market style. Just says our hospital will remain open and our other vets and staff will continue providing medical and surgical care for the patients. My role will change. Sounds like it. Not by choice.

As in it will not be a role anymore. I intend to remain involved in the business and administrative side of the hospital to the extent permitted. Now, listen, you are cheap, but would you, for less money, be okay going to someone who is, you know, self-taught? Didn't necessarily go through medical school, get the proper permits, the proper certificates. Would you be okay with that? I mean, clearly, I'm okay with this guy.

A lot of times they tell you when you go to the airport, hey, don't, don't. People will approach you. They say, I'll give you a ride. You know, there used to be a big thing. They go, don't go up to any of these unsanctioned drivers. Now we're all unsanctioned drivers. Absolutely. I mean, look at every expert on TikTok, right?

They don't have any qualifications, and you follow their advice all to the letter. Alex Earl went to cosmetology school? No, she started putting blush on her face. She has a whole mental health platform now, doesn't she? Who knows? You know what else, though? Here's what's interesting, too. Even if I stop going to this guy, he says he is going to apply for reinstatement in three years.

So if you can look up online. So if he could reinstate his license, maybe you would never know that this guy had his license revoked. Maybe there's somebody that you're going to that had their license revoked at some point and you have no idea. Omar, did you look this guy up at all? You know, I can't seem to find it. I'm not, I think I'm spelling his name wrong. I think, uh, I think Allie, maybe you could just type it in. Yeah.

Well, I did. Okay. So if I look and Google his name and then I say revoked license, there is a, like a big lengthy thing that comes up, a big, large, large document. Cause all this is public knowledge. You know, when you get disbarred or when something happens like this, it's, you can all look it up. So, but there's like, there's like hundreds of pages here.

Let me just put this in check. Hundreds of pages. Hundreds of pages. How'd you find this guy? I just put in his name and the address. No, I'm saying when you first decided this is the vet for me, would you just walk, did you just go to the closest? Oh, he's right down the street from my kid's school.

Oh, so it's just convenience. There it is. You didn't do any digging? You didn't look up anything at all? Here he is. This person versus the Consumer Affairs Medical Board. But, Allie, when you picked this vet, you said this is going to be the guy to look after my cats.

You didn't say you didn't do any digging or research. You just said this guy's convenient. Yes. You researched various veterinarians before you decided? Researched, interviewed them. Interviewed them? Yeah. What are you talking about?

You do like consultations to see if they're going to be your vets? Yeah, went to like three different places. Stop. One guy didn't like his attitude, so I didn't go back. This other guy tried to sell me on some toothpaste that he was the face of, and I was like, this guy's just trying to make a dollar. I'm out. I do think that vets and dentists can kind of be similar,

where some of them are crooks and some of them are great. You kind of have to sift through and find. But clearly this guy was one of the good ones. Well, you also decided to go with the one that told you to whack off your dog. Oh, yeah, your big dog whacker. Well, to be fair. You interviewed that guy. No, no, no.

And said, it's you, sir. The person who told me to whack off my dog was not my vet. That was a 24-hour vet clinic I had called. I don't even know what state I called. And they said I needed to put his penis back in the sheath. Got it. And that was bad advice, and I shouldn't have done that. My bad bet would have never done that.

Because apparently all I had to do was put salt on it, and it would have done it itself. So, Chad TPT has just read the entire document and said, there is a lot here. The current accusation involves multiple animals and 32 separate causes for discipline. Oh, man. Including giving inappropriate medication doses, failing to physically examine animals when he was treating them, failure to provide adequate pain control. He took a critically ill dog home with him where the dog died in his house. Oh, man.

Well, maybe he was... Extremely incomplete medical records. And then another disciplinary action involving controlled substances. Oh, he's taking the K, taking that cat tranquilizer. Wow, they even have an animal-by-animal breakdown. Toby, Jem, Toro, Rocco, Harley. These were all ones that he was what, dated? These were all the ones that he did controlled substances with.

Oh, man. Rocco is probably fun, I bet. Botched surgeries. Oh. Yeah, but we talked about it to so many people when they were calling us last week about how much money they spent on their animals. And a lot of those surgeries are like, yeah, I spent $8,000 to get my dog a new knee and it didn't work. I mean, that's the thing. It's like I would imagine just on botched surgeries, you know, that's the best thing about being an animal doctor instead of a human one is that you don't have to deal with as much complaining because you're like, yeah, we don't know what the whimpering means.

Yeah, it looks to be that there was a surgery that was botched and that didn't help the dog at all. And I think they even died. So, Ellie, after reading all of this now, you're still considering going there for one more visit before you have to find a new vet? I mean, just for a checkup, right? What if it's like 20 bucks for a checkup? Yep, going out of business. Get all those vaccines, do it all. Diversion of controlled substances and use of controlled substances and possession of controlled substances.

But isn't all medication controlled substances? Like, if you're a doctor, it's the best part. It's all controlled if you put it in your pocket. I guess if you're a doctor and you're able to prescribe medicine, and even if you're a vet, you could still prescribe. There's plenty of vet animal painkillers that humans can take, I'm sure, right? Yeah, absolutely. I think people do it all the time. Jake, you've taken—

Don't they take cow tranquilizers and horse tranquilizers? I think ketamine is, like, the big one, but I haven't taken that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, I feel like there's a lot. Like, I remember I took—we have certain pills for my dog when we fly to, like, chill him out. I've taken them before. They work for me, too. So they're great.

Oh, tuxedo. Ooh, tuxedo's dead, too. All right. Well, RIP to all the animals that were lost. That's Allie. That's Allie, by the way. What an email to get. That's Allie making decisions.

We've got to take a quick break. We're back in a second. We have your ADD news to get to. But more importantly, we have tickets for you coming up. Opening night, Not Scary Farm, after this. Hold up. Dr. Blime, let's get into your ADD news. The brand new hour of the show will officially then begin.

We go right from forced fun to forced fan. And because NFL season's kicking off today, We apparently are all going to be forced to follow a football team at random and follow that team through the season. I don't understand. We're going to be picking these teams at random in a few moments. So what happens to the team that I actually like? Like, Ali's actually...

Out. They're out. We can no longer support the team we like this season? We have to all go with random teams? All random teams. We've got to start fresh. What if I pick a team that I actually hate, like the Cowboys? That would be hilarious, because then you'd have to come in here in a Cowboys jersey

and then talk shop with our boss about how great the Cowboys are. Oh, yeah, he'd love that. Yeah, that would suck. He would love it. Oh, no, I don't like this. From forced fan to forced fun. Yeah, and we could get audio of those interactions

and how great they'd be every Monday. You'd get a Monday morning quarterback with how great the Cowboys did. Right, man. Oh, Prescott, I swear. Well, at least you pick a team. I mean, how terrible it would be. One of us is going to probably pick a team

that is going to win two games all season. Yeah, you could go with... You have to go to a local bar to support some crap Cleveland Browns team. You have to go find a Panthers bar in L.A. Oh, my God. Ugh. And you've got to buy Panthers merch. At least it's cheap.

I've never even met a Tennessee Titan fan. Those don't exist over here. Yeah, you may be one. You may be the biggest, dude. That's exciting. Hey, the Super Bowl's coming to L.A. this year. We'll be celebrating by picking our teams to get ready for the NFL season with huge stakes up for grabs team that goes the furthest team that does the worst we'll get into

all that next hour right now though it is your news grab your Adderall it's time for ADD news is Jimmy Kimmel's late night show ending after all these years it is a subject that's highly up for debate there are reputable sources saying completely opposite things yesterday page six broke this news initially saying that ABC is choosing not to renew Jimmy's contract past 2027. So that season would be his last, which would mean after 24 years, his show would be canceled. And there was a lot of speculation, sources saying that this is true. There were people, TMZ reported that there was talk among the staff that Jimmy has been working on pitching other shows and podcasts around town. So he's already moving on to his next project. But ABC

themselves have come out and said this information is inaccurate. Any reports about the future of the show at this point are purely speculative so the question is is jimmy's show continuing or is it not continuing and of course there's been a lot of history where his show was paused for a while then the president said he was ordering abc to fire jimmy but then they didn't listen or are they listening a lot of questions not a lot of answers yet i um you know he just came off of he's got a nice little sweet deal where he doesn't really work over the summer so he had a few months off, I'm sure, during that time. Yeah, he was hanging out with your friend Magic Johnson, I believe.

He's always hanging out with Magic Johnson. Is he? I think he photoshops himself into all of Magic Johnson's family trips. He's been doing that for a long time. Not as Carl Malone. As Jimmy Kimmel. But, you know, maybe he enjoyed the time off

so much he said, I don't want to, this works for suckers. I don't want to do this anymore. Or, you know, you come back and you go, I missed this whole thing. I know, we just had this long weekend. For us, that's like summer's off. We had three-day weekend and by about monday i was bored as hell and had to get back here couldn't wait to get back here but had that gone on till like another three days i could have seen myself going oh you know what it's not waking up early stuff feels kind of nice i know you kind of get

used to it so who knows you need two to three weeks for that to unlock in your brain yeah i don't know what the time is because i know that there's people that have retired or gone through like a break between jobs and some people say it's the greatest thing ever i found myself i gotten shit, whatever. And then there's other people who go, I was bored out of my effing mind. Oh, my in-laws already went back to work. Really? Yep. They both were bored out of their minds. They were tired and then went back to work. I think my father-in-law cleaned out his garage

and then a couple months later he was like, I guess I'm just going to go back to work. I guess I'm going to hand out smiley face stickers at Walmart now. What else can I do? A couple of updates are happening with TSA that would theoretically make life easier for us. TSA pre-check members are going to get a couple of new perks.

So if you are a pre-check member and you want to go to the airport without a plane ticket you can do that again now they're going to create a separate lane for non-ticketed passengers and i would hope too that the people who can go through this line are the ones who like work for the airport they don't have a plane that they're trying to catch they're just kind of going through or they're going through uh with a wheelchair or something to go pick somebody up that would be a totally separate line and they're also going to potentially allow pre-check people to go through with water bottles, full water bottles, because with this new facial recognition stuff,

they're also going to be putting in 3D scanners in some of the airports that can tell if the bottle contains water or like anthrax or something bad. So they would be able to test that and they would allow those people to go through with a water bottle so we don't have to dump out our water bottles. Time to sell your Hudson News stock because those profits are going to go plummeting. We're not forced to buy our water there. Or in your case, it's the Diet Coke or the Coke Zero that is purchased right before you get to the gate and then you have to dump it out. Not before I go to the gate, before I go through security.

Like a stupid idiot. I've done this multiple times at the airport where I will buy myself the drink on the wrong side of security because I'm dyslexic. And then immediately they take it from me. Such an idiot. I shouldn't go out and pump up. Do you even get one sip in? I feel like if the seal's not cracked, they should just let you through. Before I will throw it in the trash, I will sometimes force myself to open it and take a sip, and then I throw it in the trash.

Or you try and chug it, and it hurts so bad. It's also interesting that these changes are happening as we hit the 25th anniversary of 9-11, because a lot of these things were taken away after 9-11. Being able to meet your family members at the gate, that went away. Being able to take beverages and liquids onto a plane through your carry-on, all that went away. So it seems after 25 years, they're starting to kind of loosen up on that. And then finally, goodbye to the beloved L.A. area coyote with the weird monster face. Oh, this was my doppelganger. Her name was Wendy.

Oh, it was a her? Yeah. The Studio City coyote? Mm-hmm. She was captured in Studio City last month, and she was kind of becoming a little celebrity around town because she had been cited by multiple people in the area repeatedly, and she had this weird thing on her face where it was like this growth, And it looked like part of her face was inflated like a balloon, and no one knew what was going on with Wendy.

You put the side-by-side of that coyote next to me yesterday with the shock collar on. It's almost, you can't even tell who's who. Or after you got your nose surgery. I look just like the coyote. I really like this coyote, the Studio City coyote. You related to her. Yeah. Yeah, so they picked her up.

And there was a lot of people that wanted to get, there were people that were collecting donations to try and save Wendy, to try and give her corrective surgery, all this stuff. She's dead now. Oh. Go away, coyote! So they picked her up. They gave her a medical evaluation. They treated her and ultimately decided that she needed to be euthanized

and that she had been shot in the face. So she had, like, shrapnel in her face and created an infection. He's a disgrace with mace. His monster face. A visual disgrace. He has monster face. He's got a monster face. From one monster face to another, R.I.P. Wendy.

I'm so glad we could help. Yeah, you should probably euthanize me as well. I think that's a good answer. You're beyond. I'll give you my event number. Great. He's got a lot of time on his hands. Brand new hour of the show starts now on KROQ.

Here we go. This is the world famous KROQ. All right, just up to 8 o'clock. It is Wednesday, and this is KROQ. We are a client-only show. If you need us, remember these numbers. You'll need them, especially if you want to win your way into opening night of Not Scary Farm, where you can see real monster faces

scaring you and haunting you. 800-520-1067. This hour on the show, we'll figure out which team will be forced to support all season long, which is going to really suck. Unless we end up... It could be great.

It could be great. Could draft a good team. Maybe I'll get my team. That would be great. If Allie reaches into that football home and pulls out Niners, I'll assume this whole thing was rigged. So we'll get into that

coming up later this hour. We'll give you some clickbait as well. controversy from yesterday's clickbait about hiding phones and we will get into a new riddle on the internet that we need to solve but before we do any of that Allie take a listen to this Hi guys, hi, my first time calling

I've been flogging along for the last couple of years and I just finished re-listening to today's Old People's Secrets it reminded me so much of the bit when a client did a dateline interview

and I can't stop laughing And the reason being is because that bit was what solidified my love for you guys. And I was hooked from that point on. So if you guys can dig it out of the archives and play it on the radio for me, oh, my God. Thank you so much for all that you do. You've gotten me through a really rough year, you know, losing my dad and everything. And I'm hanging up now before I get choked up. All right.

Love you guys. I don't remember this bitch she's talking about, this Dateline thing. I remember because I was watching the Dateline episode when I was at the gym, and one of the suspects was named Kelvin Klein, I believe, and he was a pervert. And they went through, and they were investigating Klein, and they realized that he was just a harmless pervert, but it was great audio. And Omar did a thing with it. Yeah, he put some of you in there, I believe.

Yeah, so that's what they're... Similarly, yesterday, during Old People's Secrets, when Omar made me have... Unconsensual. I was not consenting to that. I don't think she was either. Probably unprotected as well. So this woman asked for us to play that Dateline bit again. I don't see it here.

Oh, great. Fire away. Here's a request. If you're new to the show you've never heard this before. This woman claims this is the thing that made her fall in love with us. And here it is for the first time in a long time on KROQ. Who is Klein?

Klein is the person that was using the Anthony Schatz profile to solicit girls to send him pornographic photos. Oh, that is dirty. Klein was a big, overweight, not somebody that these girls would talk to kind of person, so he changed who he was. I'm a handicap. Not long after that Peeping Tom incident, law enforcement raided Klein's home. Well, I don't know. He's a bad guy. He's a pathological liar. He would tell us something, we'd look into it, and it'd be a lie.

He lied a lot. Hey, don't mind me. I'm just a young boy. Klein seemed to have a strong alibi, that he was in Vegas at the time of the murders. Yeah. When Court TV's Barbara McDonald learned Klein was in jail, she contacted him. Man, I am horny now. What happened?

He talked to me. He gave me an interview from jail. So, are you aware that there's a bunch of news stories out there linking you to the Delphi murders? I don't have no thought. And you have admitted that you created this fake profile, Anthony Schatz. Is that correct? Yeah. Why did you create that profile?

I groomed a young boy. But when it came to contact with Libby, Klein seemed evasive. Are you aware whether you may have talked to Libby? I don't know. Where were you on February 13th, 2017? I like to smell parts of my girlfriend. Did you have anything to do with the murders of Abby or Libby? Me such a bad boy.

And in the end, investigators couldn't prove he killed Abby and Libby. He conducted a thorough investigation and ruled him out. Another dead end. Another dead end. I'm boned up. I am boned up. Declan would eventually plead guilty to 25 charges. He was sentenced to 40 years in prison.

Are you ready for the rear end? I understand why I forgot that. Oh, my God. I forgot how funny that was. That's good stuff right there. That was. It's not me. That was way funnier than I remember.

And I remember it being funny the first time. It's not me. Well done, Omar. It's a different guy by the name of Clegan Klein or something like that. Clickbait after Temper City on KROQ. KROQ, we are Klein Alley Show. We'll get into some clickbait in a moment. Then we'll find out what teams will be forced to follow all football season long.

Yay for us. Marcella, you're on KROQ. Good morning. I've been a longtime listener, and I love listening to those old bits that are just the best. Honestly, there's just nothing funnier. But the other thing that is just crazy funny is you guys' version of Lady Gaga's Shallow. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That was a long time ago. Before we were even on K-Rock. All right. Well, we'll put that. You think that's even funnier. All right. Well, everyone's got their favorites. Write that down.

We don't have time to possibly get into that right now. We even dubbed it to their Grammy performance or Academy Awards performance. And I think it was stripped from YouTube for copyright. YouTube banned us because they thought we sounded too much like Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. Yeah. Before we get into the clickbait, you know, the real issue is yesterday we got into a clickbait about people hiding their phones and how that's a big deal breaker and there's a good sign your relationship's going to fail. And I couldn't come up with good examples on the spot of other reasons why people would hide their phone if it was not about infidelity, because that seems to be the big thing people are hiding. And this guy, thank God for you listeners, because this guy finally reminded me of another major reason why you'd want to hide your password. Hey, what's up, guys? Sweet Dibs.

I just listened to the clickbait segment, and you said you're back with Quickline talking about the reasons why you wouldn't want your chicks to go through your phone, right? I mean, it's not all sexual s***. Like, yeah, got some porn on the browser, but a big majority is, like, all the gambling websites that I'm on, because I'm a degenerate gambler just like yourself. Thank you.

And, dude, if my wife were to see just the disgusting dereliction of a habit that I have in gambling, she would divorce me. So, yeah, it's not all sexual, you know. It's also gambling. Anyway, have a good one. Not sexual, also gambling. That's a great catchphrase for gambling. It's not sexual. It's not sexual.

It's also gambling. There's another reason why. So there's a reason why you'd maybe want to hide your phone so someone would go through it and then judge you. Other things you're hiding. And then be like, you lost how much money? Because everyone says, even if your guy's having a bad night, he's like, I just lost a little on the game. And you say, how much? And he goes, 75 bucks.

It may mean 7,500 bucks. Right. Usually they knock off a couple of zeros before they tell you. It's time for a new riddle. And we are going to stop arguments before they even start. It's time for clickbait. Here we go. Thanks.

All right. This is the one phrase, not phase, but phrase, Allie, that can stop an argument before it spirals out of control. And we've all been in them before. They start casual, it's conversational even, and then next thing you know, how did we get here? Now we're in a full-blown fight. And I don't know how it happened, but there's a phrase you can use, like pulling that ejection ripcord. I don't know. And you can say, let's not even get this fight.

I've got to say this phrase. This is what researchers have studied all sorts of different couples. This phrase every time will help you from getting into an argument. God, I feel like lately something small can escalate so quickly. Yeah, and with two women, I would imagine even faster. Oh, my God. But then it's also a lot of therapy speak and a lot of communication stuff as well. So you have to do all the right steps.

I can't just be mad and say mean things because that's not cool. That's the fun part, though, when you hold that little thing and you're like, I'm going to save that for the next fight and then drop it on them when they least expect it. Yeah, but I think what's going to diffuse it, and I know it's worked for me, is to say, I hear you. To just say, I understand, I hear what you're saying, I am listening, and I'm validating what you're saying. So Allie says, I hear you. I hear you. I totally hear you. As long as you're like, oh, wow, she's listening, amazing.

I know people love the I hear you, but, followed by the big but. I hear you, but, over to my point. You're wrong, bitch. I hear how wrong you are with everything you say. I hear you, and I'll throw it away. And the neighbors hear you. And I'll raise you this. And we all hear you, because all you're doing is tap dancing.

We don't want to hear it. Omar, what is the phrase? I think the phrase is... Whatever, you stupid ass. That's a good one, too. That's a good guess right there. No, I think admitting you're wrong, and you don't really care about the argument, and you just say, you're right. You say you're right, and you kind of give in, and then you move on with your life.

Yeah, but you can't say it too passively aggressively because that won't get you off the hook. You can't be like, yeah, all right, you're right. Yeah, you're right sometimes too soon. It's like they didn't even hear what I'm saying. I wanted to, you're right. You got to combine those two together. I haven't even touched it. I hear you, you're right.

That's it. Give them all the buzzwords. Boom, I hear you're right. Jake, what is the thing you say to keep an argument for spiraling out of control? You got to make sure that you preface everything with like, I feel. I feel like this. I feel like that. I feel like you're being a bitch.

Whatever. All right. Well, I guess. This is a man who's not had more than a two-year relationship. Right, Jake? Vanessa told him before the show today she feels his current relationship has a week left in it. It's been a month. I said a month.

Oh, excuse me. A month. Sorry. She said, I don't want to. I don't want to say anything bad about you. But I think it has a month left. You have a month left. All right.

But I think, Jake, you're pretty stubborn when it comes to fighting. Yeah, because I'm never wrong. Oh, man. So he would totally say, I feel you're wrong. Right. I feel that you're wrong. I feel I'm right. Researchers have found that the phrase you're supposed to use,

and this is when you start to feel that part where you're like, this is getting volatile. All of a sudden, this was nice. Now it's getting all volatile. You're supposed to say, quote, I'd actually. T-O, T-O. You don't say time out. You say, I'd like to actually focus on all the things we agree on.

Ew. So before you start going to the fact that you didn't do the dishes or you didn't do this or I thought I was getting. Oh, can't say it on the radio. I thought I was getting that tonight. That was a fight? Yeah. You say, let's start with the things we agree on.

And then if you say that, you're... What if you can't find any? Well, then that's a problem. I feel like we can't. The subtle shift turns the person that we disagree with from the enemy into a collaborator. And it's one of those little Jedi mind tricks you pull back to be like, let's start with what we agree on. You know, I have used the, hey, we're on the same team thing. That's not...

That's because you're a lesbian. Because we're both lesbians. I'm talking about softball. You know, you give her team analogies and softball things. She feels better. So try that. Good luck. I will try that the next time, and I promise you it will make it much worse.

That doesn't sound like it's going to get you anywhere. That's according to researchers and relationship experts. Quick break. We're back in a moment with our forced teams that will be following this NFL season. Forced fandom. Forced fandom after this on KROQ. KROQ. We are Klein Alley Show.

Hey, Maria, you're on KROQ. Good morning. i was just gonna suggest maybe uh having a baby shower for ali and sending invites to all your wedding guests i would settle for ali to take a regular shower at this point but that would be nice of us to do i need it more than the baby yeah um yeah let's just worry about ali showering on a regular basis how about that and then and then we can talk about um actually bestowing me with yeah we got some plan don't it's a good idea but we've got some things planned for ali and her You do? No, you don't.

Vanessa, make a note that we should plan something for Allie. I thought it was way too far ahead. You don't think that far ahead. I just found out that Allie's due date is the Super Bowl, which is interesting as we get into a new season of NFL football right now. I was thinking about it. It seems like it was only yesterday that Jake was squawing around the office because he was so excited that the Seahawks were going to be in the big dance,

and then he got to go there courtesy of Blind Charlie, our show's benefactor. And Jake was very unappreciative. Even yesterday we were talking about... What are you talking about? I forgot. I was like, I forgot that the Seahawks won the effing Super Bowl, that it is Jake's team, that Blind Charlie bought him a ticket to the Super Bowl, and that he drove all the way up there and attended.

Well, Jake, first he put up that pathetic crowd. He put up a GoFundMe situation for himself, if you remember. Oh, that's right. And he did get some donations there, and we immediately took all that money, and I think we took it and gave it to a charity because we felt so bad that Jake had done that, and And then Blind Charlie, you know, a gift that keeps on giving, decided to step in and buy Jake a ticket. And then we said to Jake yesterday, oh, it's amazing you went to the Super Bowl last year to watch your team not only go but win. It must have been pretty great.

And Jake goes, well, the seats were not great. It was the longest day ever. It was long. Long drive. And then the drive back from San Francisco and then come straight back and then do the show. Boo-hoo. Yeah, that was not like the funnest day ever. You understand most people on the planet will never have the ability to ever attend a Super Bowl, period.

let alone to see their team go, let alone to see their team go and win. I mean, it's, like, such an amazing thing to be able to experience. It was. And then to focus on just the annoying drive. Right. Drive after it sucked. And I believe, if I'm not mistaken, we also had a listener that invited you to come and stay with them

the whole time you were up there. Yes, you got free lodging. And they stopped the place with you. And they fed you and gave you drinks. Yeah, that was cool. So it seems like it was an amazing trip that you just, once again, are not appreciative of at all. I wasn't the biggest fan of driving back the whole night and then coming to work.

Well, we were not a fan of hearing you walk around the office squawing for six weeks leading up to it. But we did take some of those sounds and we called this pet shop. Hello, it's Petra. How can I help you? My bird has been acting very strange lately and I wasn't sure if you had any thoughts about what this is going on here. Okay. Squaw! What you doing? I don't know if you hear this kind of these noises.

She's never used it like that before. Do you have any alarm system or anything in your house? Not that I know of. Squawk. No alarm system. No? Maybe she's just, I don't know, expressing herself. Squawk.

Is she outside the cage? Is she in the cage? We leave her in the cage mostly. Occasionally we'll let her kind of flap around the living room. Okay. Squawk. I don't know a lot about birds, but I don't know if that's strange or not. Does she usually talk to you, or is she quiet?

Quiet most of the time, and then about the last few weeks, it's been a lot of this. Huh. What's going on? Has nothing different happened in your house, like sounds or anything like that? Not that I know of. Do you go to work? Yes.

Is there anybody home all day with them? Uh, no. Squaw! Sounds really natural. Squaw! What you can do is give a call back. Squaw! At like 3 o'clock, Kyle will be here.

Squaw! He might know what's going on. Okay. Call back for Kyle? Is she right beside you? Far away. Other side of the room. She's where?

Other side of the room. What's going on? On the other side of the room. sounds like she's on the phone with you this has been that's why i was calling it seems crazy sounds like something freaked her out now what is she doing when she makes that noise yeah the wings are flapping a little bit and looking at me and all shifty eyes What's your general thought?

I mean, the big bird. What kind of bird is she? We're not a rescue. It's a rescue, but what kind of bird is it? Like, what kind of parrot is it? Is it a macaw? Yeah. Is it a macaw?

Yeah. I don't know. Birds are loud, but that's loud. Have you tried talking to the bird? Can you try? Because she did not respond to me. Well, she's just only like women, like... I'll put you on speaker.

Go ahead. Hello, bird. What's the matter? Squaw? What's the matter? Squaw. What's the matter? Squaw.

Are you a good birdie? Squaw. Are you a good birdie? Squaw. I don't know. Or maybe try some music. Okay, what type? Nothing outrageous, like no mellow kind of.

What do you think about Tool? I think the bird likes Tool. Tool? Let's go! You can try. I mean, you can try anything you get. Okay, well, thank you for your help. I'll call back when Kyle's there.

All right, thank you, hon. Squaw! All right. That was as annoying as I remembered it, actually. More? More annoying, actually. Luckily, we had the whole offseason to recover from Jake making his squaw noises in the office every time the Seahawks win. We will figure out which teams will be forced to support this season after Alien Ant Farm on K-Rock.

Football is back. Maybe you don't care, but perhaps you do. And if you're a fan of a team, there's different reasons why you're a fan of that team. Perhaps the most obvious is because you grew up in a city. and that's the city that that's the team that the city supported now maybe you had a weird reason why you're into a team and I know that LA

is strange because there's been times when there's been football here not football here now we've got two teams here but there's still a lot of Raiders fans because of when the Raiders were in LA and you know teams move around and fandom usually sticks so once you've locked in

you're a fan of a team even if that team sucks and they've sucked your entire life If you were a fan from a young age, you kind of stick with it because maybe your dad was a fan of the team. Yeah, sometimes it passes down by generation. So your dad or grandpa's city that they're from, you know, they were big Packers fans. So it just kind of becomes a family team no matter what city you live in. My buddy's a diehard Jets fan, but the reason is because it was much cheaper for his parents to buy him Jets stuff when he was a baby than Giants stuff because Giants were always a much more likable team. Now they're probably about the same.

Now it's probably evened out over the years, but the reality is that he just decided from a young age, you know, you grow up wearing Jets stuff, you're a Jets fan, now you're stuck with that curse for life. So we've decided to go ahead and bask in the shame of being a fan of teams. And maybe, look, you want a new team to root for. I grew up in D.C. I grew up a Washington Redskins fan, but I really hated the Commanders, especially when they had the terrible ownership for so many years that it was hard for me to continue to support a team because I was such an enemy. I thought Daniel Snyder was the worst owner of a team ever. and a lot of people lose their interest in teams because of owners the same thing that happened with the Anaheim Angels to be a completely honest so are you on the market no for a new team no because once the Rams came to LA and I started to go and those were they were terrible out of the

gate those were some of the most boring games I'd go watch them in the Coliseum and they would suck and they would put up a total of three points of total offense I mean it was a couple of really boring boring years before they got good again but I like Sean McVay I like what he's done so So you're a legitimate Rams fan now? I'm a Rams fan, but I still watch the Washington play, and they've been fun to watch. Lately, I don't know if I'll ever go back to the level of fan I was. And to the teams you hate, it's mainly the Cowboys? I hate a lot of teams.

I hate the Patriots. I hate the Cowboys. I mean, I could list a lot of teams I hate for different reasons. Cowboy. They gather the cows. That's right. Thank you for that. Thank you for explaining that to me.

Okay, now I love the Cowboys. So we have a football helmet in the KROQ studios now. In this side of this helmet is every team in the NFL. And in case you're wondering, this season, the Rams are projected to be, you know, at least go to the Super Bowl. Obviously, it'll be here in L.A., but they are projected. They are on paper at least the best team in the NFL right now. The worst team is the Tennessee Titans. Oh, they're the worst? Wow.

Yeah, and just above them, shockingly, is the Jets and the Cardinals and Browns and all the typical riffraff you'd see at the bottom. So we are going to now reach in, and each of us, one at a time, will pick the team that we are forced to support this season, and that is in a lot of ways. Tattoo, perhaps? We have to go. Gear? You have to see the games as much as you can.

Yeah, you can go to local bars for the team. If, say, the Rams are here playing that team, you should try and go to the game if you can. Yeah, and we can probably make that happen. And maybe you're listening right now because L.A. is a mix of people from all over the country, and one of us ends up Picking your team. Being a diehard Packers fan all of a sudden.

Not that you need more fans. They could be a tutor for us. But you could help us out and you could let us know where to go. All the weird chants. So this is going to be how we look. And the worst part about this for us is whichever one of our teams does the worst this season is going to have a pretty bad punishment. I think the worst punishment we've ever done.

Because it involves a lot of time and effort and travel. Are we going Greyhound for sure? Or is that an option? Is that really the punishment? How about the train? The train is a nicer punishment. Why don't we leave the transportation open? Because we don't know what's going to happen.

Whichever one of our teams that we pick right now goes the furthest, this person will go to the Super Bowl this year. Because it's right here in L.A. It's here in L.A., and we feel like we can make that happen, and that's pretty cool. No matter what, even if you've never really cared, I think going to a Super Bowl is a bucket list thing. Whichever one of our teams does the worst this season,

we'll have to travel to the city, and watch the Super Bowl in that city. And watch that team not be in the Super Bowl among a bunch of fans of that team. They won't be watching that team. They'll be watching the teams in the Super Bowl, but they'll be going to, let's say, Cleveland for the weekend, which is a terrible punishment.

My mom's from Cleveland. It's terrible. Yeah, and maybe you can fly, but you have to fly a cheap airline, one of those sketchy ones. Or you can do Greyhound. Now, all of a sudden, we're going to pick a team that we don't care about

at this exact second, but boy, we're going to start caring pretty soon. And I understand that this might be difficult for me if my team loses or wins because I will be nine months pregnant by that point. My due date is on Super Bowl Sunday, so I'll either be at the Super Bowl

nine months pregnant or I'll be in Cleveland. Or you'll be in the middle. True. You could be somewhere else. You could be in the hospital. Let's go ahead, Allie. Do you want to draft first?

Okay. Allie's reaching into the hat. We have an official NFL Rams hat right now. It's actually kind of hard to... The team that Allie will be... You can't even pull the name out of the hat? Well, because there's all this, like, padding in there, all the pieces of paper. Just grab one of the teams.

All 32 NFL teams are inside of that helmet. Oh, God. Allie, this season, we'll be supporting. Oh, no. Oh, no. What is it? Oh, no. Please be Titans.

Please be Titans. I got the Cardinals. Oh, my God. That is... I think they are the... You just said, I think they're, like, third to last. Yeah, 30th. They're in a rebuilding mode right now.

And there's so many games. But, hey, by the way, if you lose, though, Arizona is not a bad place to go. I can visit my sister, I guess. If your sister's there and it's close by, you could go to those games for cheap. Squaw! No, you can't. We already have a squaw on the show. At least it's not a team that I hate-hate.

Like, I would rather the Cardinals than the Rams or the Seahawks. Allie is a card-carrying Cardinals fan right now. Bring Vanessa in to pick her team. Vanessa, pick your team here out of the helmet. Allie's going to be the car. That's great. I'm so glad. God, they're so...

They're like a fun bad team, though. Yeah, I will say that. They're bad, but they're... But no one cares enough about them. I think they're better than most, but they're just in a rough division. Yeah, hold on. Vanessa's reaching in now. And I want Miami Dolphins because if this is a punishment, this whole thing is a punishment for me.

At least you want to go to a cool city. At least I want to go to Miami. Or second choice, 49ers. You're rooting for the Miami Fish? Yeah, I don't care. This is like when you guys didn't care about the World Cup This is the same thing for me This whole thing is a punishment

Just pick it The team that Vanessa The team that Vanessa will be supporting All NFL season long will be No This is a good team but I don't wanna I got Los Angeles Rams Oh great

Oh Vanessa Because that means like the fandom is gonna be all here And I have to be into it Yes, you're going to go to all the games. You might be going to the Super Bowl. No, no, no, no. I want to find a request for trade right now. This feels so official because it's here.

Yeah, that's great. What a team. I couldn't have. I'm so mad. She's so mad. She's mad at that. I don't care for football. This is not my sport.

Vanessa, that's the greatest pick you could have gotten out of that helmet. The greatest. All right, who's next? She just asked if we're doing switchies. Yeah, Johnny wants to trade with her. I want to trade. First round draft. Can't trade.

No trade. I'm going to trade. No trades. Johnny, get in here. Johnny's taking his team now out of the helmet. We are forcing fandom upon each other for the new NFL season. Don't look. We will be diehard, diehard fans.

Here he is. He's reaching in, Johnny. All right, all right. Reaching the helmet. This is the team that Johnny will be supporting. And by the way, when I say supporting, I mean we're buying merch ASAP. We are wearing stuff. You're going to be forced to have conversations.

Oh. Johnny. No one's having a good noise yet. Denver Broncos? Oh! You're going to be talking to Brandon in the halls a lot. Hey, that is funny, too, that there's a co-worker who's a huge Broncos fan that now you have to make small talk with.

A lot of small talk, dude. He doesn't even like me. That's not a bad city to visit, though. Go to Colorado. My buddy lives out there. She lives out there. I will say, the Broncos this season. I think they're pretty good, aren't they?

Yeah, they're supposedly going to be the fifth best team in football right now. They have a chance to do things. They were good last year. I would like to trade. Nope. I'm submitting a trade block, which is legal to do. Who are you going to trade with? I would like to trade for the Los Angeles Rams.

I think they have a great chance this season. Whoever gets Miami gets mine. Okay, I want Miami. I want Miami. All right, Jake, come take your pick quickly. It's forced fandom now. We all have the NFL teams that we grew up liking. And it would be funny for me if Jake had to pull a team that was...

I will hope he picks the Niners. Yeah, right. If he picks the Niners or a team that's right, rivals. It's going to ruin his season anyway. Jake has got his Seahawks hat on right now, his Seahawks t-shirt on right now. He looks like a real make-a-wish. He's entered the K-Rock

studios, and the team he'll be supporting this NFL season is... The Packers! Hey, that's fun at least. Jake does look like a Lambo guy. Totally. Yeah, Jake. You can see him with one of those cheesehead things on. His bald spots. And those big, giant coats.

And it protects my musk. Omar, you want us to draft for you? Yeah, go ahead. This is Omar's team this season. Omar loves sports, as you know. He's a big sports guy. Alright, Omar is supporting his daughter's softball team. Oh, god damn it!

Omar got the Commanders. I'm so annoyed by that now. I bet you Omar didn't even know. If I just said Commanders, he wouldn't have even known this day. Omar's got the Commanders. Now, Omar, I'll give you some stuff. I got some merch. But I'll do, like, throwback. Can I call him the Redskins? Yeah, you can. Bring it back, baby.

You know, and I'll do, like, the offensive chant. Omar's the perfect fan. Hey, Omar, you're one of them, so you can say it, I think, right? You know what I mean? He's not new. Oh, he's not? I thought he was. All right.

The only paper that I was able to grab, please be Dolphins. Please. The team I will be supporting this NFL season. And you know what? You get my support. You get a lot of support. This is interesting. What'd you get?

Because I actually hate this team. And I shouldn't hate them because a lot of people that were Washington fans became Baltimore Ravens fans. Oh, the Ravens. Technically, that is... That's your other team from your city where you're from. That is the team I should support, but I don't like them. Because I think a lot of people jumped off the Washington bandwagon when the Ravens got a team. Man, I really wish you'd gotten the Cowboys.

Anyone want the Ravens? Anyone want to do a trade? I'll trade. You want to be a Packers fan? Ravens are purple. Give it to him He loves purple Give it to him

He's going through A breakup in a month All right All right These are our teams This NFL season So once again I'm with the Ravens

I'll ride with the Ravens That's fine Yeah Come on Let's do what we got I feel like a lot of people Are going to think That I finally caved

On being And that sucks At least no one Got the Eagles Yeah That would have been Annoying too Because then you would

Add camaraderie With those fans So this NFL season Omar is a huge Washington Commanders fan, but he's going old school. Call him the Redskins. Love it. That's it, right?

That's all you do? No, we don't. Are you sure? You've got to show me the ways, then, man. We can't do that anymore. 9-0-9 said if Allie loses, she should have to give birth in that city. Oh, man.

Allie's the Arizona Cardinals fan. It's not looking good for you. I'm just saying as far as records go. I think I got the worst team. I think you did. By a lot, too. Yeah, you guys all drafted pretty good teams. All of us pulled decent teams out of the helmet.

I mean, all the teams we picked are at least supposed to be above 500 wins. 500%. You know not the case. I think I'm going to Arizona to have a baby. On a Greyhound bus. We've got to take a break. I need it. Happy NFL season, more show.

Let's get into your ADD news right now. A brand new hour of the show will officially begin. We give you tickets to go to Knott's Scary Farm opening night. If you want them, be ready to call the second we're done with this, your news. Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. If you have an LG TV, it could be spying on you. Of course, LG.

LGBT, a gay lesbian what? LG TV. Oh, LG TV. Oh, I stand by that. I have an hour. LGBT is also spying on you. Okay, that's what I figured. For gossip.

Every glory hole you visit, we're watching. An LG TV. An LG TV. Got it. Those are new ways to identify. I'm a Samsung, but I identify as LG TV. Yeah, I support you. LG is denying this, for the record, but they basically did some research and found out that LG TVs were said to be recording, scanning local area networks, logging data, and recording audio while off or in standby mode.

So I know a lot of people want a smart TV, but of course, when something's smart, it could be tracking, listening, logging. And do you really want it to be logging? I always say that my life is so boring, I don't really care who's watching or downloading or recording me. But for other people who care about what they do or care about their privacy, this could be an issue. I am blown away by, you know, people always will say things like, I was talking about some random city, and then I started getting serviced ads to fly to that city, right? You hear that all the time. Oh, yeah.

We're constantly being spied on. This is one of the craziest stories I've ever heard. It's on the GOAT line, and it just happened to someone because of our show. And I want to warn you that you are being spied on. Listen to this. I meet Jake one time for, like, 30 seconds at the Kager, and now my Instagram feed is showing me multiple ads for IBS and alternative clients. Like, I'm talking every other ad is IBS or ulcerative colitis research.

Like, this means nothing to my life except for that I met Jake. Thanks a lot. She met Jake one time for 30 seconds. And now she's getting nonstop ads for all of Jake's weird bowel conditions on her phone. That's crazy. I wonder if you mentioned IBS or ulcerative colitis or if it just knew based on your voice. Yeah, it probably just knew. That's the voice of ulcerative colitis.

This poor woman now. I had to get an endorsement. Inundated with it. So we are all being perved upon. I can relate to this story because it feels like it's been happening to me. But what if your boobs never stopped growing? It happened to this woman as soon as her boobs came in. She was all excited like most women might be.

But that excitement quickly changed when they continued to grow and get bigger and bigger and bigger and have since become so massive that she can barely live a normal life. 28-year-old Summer Robert began developing breasts since she was just seven, and they haven't stopped growing since. She lives with an incredibly rare condition called macromassia, where her breasts are larger than average and continue to grow. Yeah, after recently reaching size 30... The guy's like, yeah.

Let's go, can we have a chat then? That was quite a reaction. She's our citizen of the century. Larger than average and continue to grow. Yeah, after recently reaching size 30U, U. 30 U. Sweet knockers. Wow. So think A, B, C, D, and all the way down to U.

There's barely any letters left. She's only in her 20s. They're going to keep getting bigger. Does it go through the whole alphabet and then go back to doubles or no? Because it goes A, B, C, D, double D, triple D. Yes. Well, there's A, double A, B, double B, C, double. Oh, there's double A? Mm-hmm. Really? Just like the

batteries. Huh. I get cat called like 24-7. I was with my friends and a man came up to us and went, have you started breast feeding yet i think they can just say anything they want because obviously like i have big boobs you are much more comfortable with you your where you are now and who you are and you can see you absolutely own your physique which is fantastic to see from a confidence perspective he's talking about our confidence it's right i bet he is he's concerned about that but it hasn't always been

like that what was that change how have you got to this point do you think so it wasn't until like i got like an online community i started my job and then after i started my job everyone which is definitely only fans right gotta be maybe hooters it was just so like welcoming um and obviously like everyone was so welcoming to her of course online my condition there's nothing about it like no one knows anything about it like the nhs doesn't know anything about it you can't even google it and find like an nhs page there's nothing so there's this is the cause we got It's the only one. You know, we've always talked about our show, Get Behind the Cause,

and I know we've talked about vets and animals and stuff, but, I mean, this seems like something we need to get behind immediately. Get behind, get under. Yeah. Motorboat. We've got it all up in this cause. By the way, book her, Vanessa, please book her on the show immediately. Thank you.

What's her name? Summer something? Do we know what her name is? She lives in Australia. That's all right. Bring her here. Thank you, Vanessa. Open with that when you email her.

After all these years, we finally know how long a shower could take. According to a new... Should take, I should say. According to a new study, Americans spend about 16 minutes showering, often using the hot water for relaxation or warming up. But experts say extended soaking is just a habit, not hygiene. New research from the University of Siri claims... The University of Siri, very important college.

Don't we all have that in our pocket? I think we're all classmates and members. University of Siri, what is this shower thing? Go ahead. Three minutes is usually all you need to get clean with an extra two for shampooing. Who has 16 minutes in the morning? Well, he's mad about it. Pits and slits. We've always said it, guys.

Pits and slits. If I'm just doing a quick wash where I'm not washing my hair, it really only does take me five minutes. There's no reason to be in there longer. Yeah. But if I'm showering and I'm doing an everything shower where I'm washing my hair, I'm shaving everything. I mean, just the downstairs area, it's a long time there. So that's definitely 20 plus minutes. Allie's got a whole gardening crew that comes in to help her downstairs.

Weedwhackers. They're all there. All of them. Jose over there. That one over there. This woman. That one's there. We get into a brand new hour of the show right now.

If you call at 20, we've got good news for you. Four tickets. Opening night. Not Scary Farm at 800-520-1067. Call now. This is the world famous KROQ. Ah, yes. Good morning.

Welcome to your KROQ. We are Klein Alley Show. It is Wednesday, and we have access for you to go to opening night. Not Scary Farm. Get those first screams before everyone else gets to go. You get to go through first. Get that new blood smell. Nothing like it around the Halloween time.

And I'm looking for you right now. If you are the 20th caller, the number is 800-520-1067. If you're just joining us, happy first day of NFL action this season. There's no bigger Arizona Cardinals fan on the planet than that woman right there. Woo, go Cards. What do they say? That's right. That's Ali.

Omar's going to be rocking them Washington Commanders. How now, Branco? Oh, boy, we can't say all that. What a team for Omar to draft. Throwback. How now? It all makes no sense. Oh, let me think of something.

Jake's a Packers fan this year. Johnny will be rocking the Denver Broncos. Vanessa's with the Los Angeles Rams. And everyone wanted that team, and she drafted it. She was upset about it. She was mad about it. And I'll be with the Baltimore Ravens. Of course, fandom.

Careful. And by the way, we got a lot of texts from people that support all these teams saying, oh, I'm so excited that Jake will be ridden with the pack. No one, no Ravens fans reached out to say they were excited that I'd be jumping with them. Yeah, there ain't no Cardinals fans texting anything. So anyway, we're here for you, and we will be here for you all season long. Very excited about that. We got to say good morning right now to a listener in Whittier.

Hey, who's this? Hello? Hi, who are you? Hi, this is Lourdes from Whittier. I was going to the Loxbury Park ticket. Yes, you are the 20th caller, Lourdes from Whittier. Oh, my God, thank you so much. You're very welcome.

Four tickets will be yours, so enjoy yourself a good time at Not Scary Farm opening night, all right? Awesome, thank you so much. Thank you for starting your day with us here on KROQ. Allie, I know we have some things planned this hour. Do we? I think so. Will we get to those things?

That's a good question. Let me see. Let me check the whole schedule here. I know we're off schedule, as usual. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Okay. I think we can do some of these things. Check, check, check.

Throw that out. Mm-hmm. Why was that in there? We will get to that and maybe this after Tame Impala. Don't ask for autographs anymore. He's done signing them. It's K-Rock. Oh, that's good news for you, Allie.

Someone just pointed out that the Cardinals, your Cardinals will be here for opening weekend playing the Chargers right here in Los Angeles. So you can go to that game. It's supposed to be out of town, but I guess I got to cancel it. You're a big fan of the team now. You got to go support your team. It's all about supporting the team. Would you please check out the latest picture, Allie, that was posted on our Instagram at Klein Alley Show?

Uh-oh. I want you to get a sense of... Is this of me looking fat? How did you know? Is it? Just take a look. Okay. Take a look and see what you think.

All right. Let's see. Allie is... Was this from yesterday or today? I'm not going to say what day it's from, but take a peek at it. It's on our story? It's on the story, Klein Alley Show Instagram. Oh, wow.

That's previous fat me. Is that what you're talking about or a different fat me? I think there's a new one. That's a different fat one. Yeah, that's a throwback fat. Oh, yeah. I love throwback fat. Yeah, we're doing some throwback fats.

Throwback fat. Right. This is when Allie had more back fat. And so she's pregnant again. If you're just joining us, you're new to the show. I want to find out when I start reaching my before pictures. When you get to as big as you used to be? Mm-hmm.

Man, we'll place our bets on that. I am definitely, especially next to Haley Williams. Yeah. I mean, I look probably two to three times larger. Right. She's tiny. Yeah, someone was about to go in and save her. So anyway, that's on the Instagram now.

You can go there and check out stuff, including yesterday's high-voltage food review. What is this sweater? Me getting shocked while Allie got to enjoy some sort of Cinnabon covered with Cheez-Its. Anyway, that video's all up on Instagram, client on the show. Yeah, you know what's interesting is we had some extra of that Cheez-It Cinnabon thing, and all of them just sat there untouched in this break room, which I can't believe. That's crazy.

People eat everything here. You can put down 12 chicken wings, all bones, with just one half a wing left, and someone will walk by and eat it here. They'll pick at it. They're like Omar's football team, the Native Americans. No piece wasted. Every bit gets eaten around here.

They don't waste anything. You love that he picked the chicken wings. I don't love it. I think it's going to get our whole show canceled, to be completely honest. But for the time being, I think it's funny that Omar ended up as a huge fan. Stop drinking that fire water.

You know, we've learned one thing, and that is that surfers are the place you must go if you're doing a news story. And we love the SoCal surfing community. It is in the DNA of K-Rock for sure. But I think it's even better when the media needs to turn to the surfers. And this happened during the high surf we were getting over the weekend. But as we've learned now, every time the news goes to surfers, it's better news. And they should always go to surfers for really any story they need regular person feedback on. Oh, yeah.

Shootings, everything. It doesn't matter what the situation is. Go to the surfers. They only go there usually when there's stuff about the ocean. Well, they love going to them and being like, wow, I can't believe you're out here. Yeah. When the weather's so bad, when the surf is so high, when it's potentially dangerous, and they're always like, yeah, bro, I'll be out here, man.

So this was recently from the big waves we were getting this past weekend. Oh, bro, it's just like, dude, you got the best barrels ever, dude. Just like you pull in and you just get spit right out of them. And you just drop in and just smack the lip, drop down, and then after that, you just drop in, you just ride the barrel and get pitted, so pitted like that. Now, they asked him what he thought of the weather, and that was the answer, which is the best part about it. And we've learned now. He was asked about the fires. Yeah, that wasn't even about the waves at all.

But the surfers are all, and they always give that. If you remember, Allie, there was the surfer that they chatted with after there was the poop in the ocean situation. Oh, that's right, the sewage water, yes, and they're still out there surfing. Even just interviews with, this was a hero surfer that got chatted with. This is like where any time you... Back to the show, take a look at this, folks. Incredible vision of surfers on the Gold Coast risking their lives to save a pair of tourists who are in very much a great deal of danger.

In they went, didn't even think about it. Yeah, the lifesavers had actually just closed down the beach, and these two guys came to the rescue. Amazing vision. Joining us now from Kira Beach are two of those surfers, Nick Chalmers and Angus McNichol. Good morning to you, boys. How you doing?

That is a very impressive effort. Nick, you first spotted the woman in trouble in the surf. Take us through what happened. Yeah, we were just watching the waves and... These guys are so chill. That's the best part. nothing phases them yeah the woman just got sucked out

and into groin and then she looked in trouble and I sent Angus out there on his board and the next thing we know the guy was out there as well so

you must have thought first of all what idiots for getting themselves into that situation oh it was pretty crazy like the conditions definitely weren't

for swimming and I don't know they just got caught off guard that's why surfers once again doesn't matter doesn't matter

which country you're in always news They always sound the same. You always have to go to the surfers. They're so happy and so chill. They're just happy with the simplest things. And they don't seem once again affected by anything. It's all vibes.

Yeah, even if something devastating is happening, theoretically, they can find a silver lining. Or they can just find a wave to ride and move on with their life. When the guy that we just heard from a moment ago, they asked him to clarify his statements earlier. because, once again, now this guy technically, as I want to point out, was a boogie boarder, not a surfer. And I know that surfers maybe would have a problem with that. But listen to when the news asked him to clarify his original statement. I grabbed Ethan real quick.

I'm going to bring you into the shot. You are here with your boogie board. You got your helmet. Tell me a little bit about what the conditions have been like for you so far. It's been the best conditions ever, dude. You could just drop straight into them, get real pitted, come out of them, hit the lip, and just go, ah! Okay, so now for someone who doesn't surf, break that down for us.

So she's saying, can you not speak in surf talk for a moment for the regular person watching? For someone who doesn't surf, like you. Right. You're just like riding down the wave, and then you get into the little curly thing, and then you come out of it, and then you hit the lip. What's the most important part? It's not even a whole heart. Curly thing, and then you come out of it, and then you hit the lip.

What's the part? The part. Yeah, just... Okay, okay. You have a helmet on. You always... That may be a 24-7 thing. You have a helmet on.

You just doctor orders. Boogie board with the helmet or because of you... Okay. Precautions. Got to be safe out there. So once again, I think that we should now only report on news stories where surfers are... Well, Paz is sounding like an Omar Shachet, say, for the commanders. That's right.

It's one of Omar's war chants. His war chant. Hey, Matt on KROQ. Yes, you're on. What's up? So one time I went on a bachelor party to Zihuatanejo, and the surfers are just jerks. They are not the nicest people in the world. Well, I know surfers, here's why, because real surfers don't like when Riff Raff kind of tried to ride their waves.

There's a documentary called Point Break about this, this exact thing. I understand, right. And this is their waves. That's not your wave, Johnny. Yeah, you can't take people's waves. And then there's a certain etiquette with waiting in line. And this is why I've never even dared to do this, because I don't want to infiltrate the community that's already been established. Let's go ask Surfer Jay.

But Surfer Jay walks around here barefoot all day, and he goes out every morning. He's a four-in-the-morning surf, and then he comes in here. I think he's more of an inclusive guy, though. Most surfers are locals only. They're locals only guys. He seems like someone who would help a beginner. Oh, totally. 100%.

Yeah, I think. And those are the guys that the news is talking to. See, I don't think the mean surfers would even agree to be on the news, because they're like, don't talk about our... Right, exactly. This is our thing. Yeah, there's also, there was that movie with the one-armed surfer girl. That's another one, Allie, about surfers. Okay, were you just naming surfing movies?

Surf Sub, the surfing penguin movie. Right, they were welcoming that one as well. There's Blue Crush. Blue Crush. Another great surfing movie. Those guys were dicks, those surfers. Not the girls. The girls?

The girls were cool. The guys in Hawaii were dicks about protecting their surf. They were not WAPA. They were not WAPA. So, from now on, I recommend all news agencies immediately only interview surfers for your stories. We've got to take a quick break. We're back in a second. When we return, oh, man.

Someone on the show got unexpected money. And when you get unexpected money, it is the greatest money you can get. And we should determine what happens with that money. We will figure out together, with your help, how this person will be forced to spend their money after this quick break on KROQ. Some people say $10 is $10 is $10, the thousands, the thousands, the thousands. but it's different money it's different and when it's unexpected money you were not expecting it it happened and i'm not talking about reaching into your pocket putting on pants you haven't worn in a while and there's a 20 in there you forgot you had that's great but that was your

money to begin with so even though it feels good because you found it that was still your money kind of yeah this is like class action lawsuit money even if it's 529 i'm excited about it but i know when you come across real money unexpectedly and you have to start thinking about how you're going to spend it that's a whole different conversation in your head the best type of unexpected money is you find out that there was a relative you had that you didn't even know so it's not sad that they're dead and you get a call so and so died you had an uncle you didn't know about by the way they invented the shoehorn or some random thing and they're billionaire and they left you a ton of money and you're like what i know that's a unicorn situation i don't know if

that's ever happened to you or someone you know but that's probably as good as it gets and then you know a close second to that would be maybe a lottery win or something but uh postmaster johnny He got himself an unexpected check the other day. That he put no effort into. Because with a lottery win, you still have to pick numbers. You have to put in effort. It's not totally unexpected because you bought the ticket. This was an unexpected call that he received.

You got a call, Johnny, or it just showed up in the mail? It showed up in the mail at my mom's house. And she's like, hey, you got a letter. And it came from my last job. And apparently, one of my old coworkers, she sued that chiropractic company because they stole hours from us. It was like wage theft, I believe. So Johnny all of a sudden gets an unexpected letter in the mail, opens it up, and inside there's a check. Yep.

It was a check for, can I say the dollar amount? $600. Oh, I thought it was $6,000. No, it was $600. $600 is a lot to have unexpectedly. That's exciting. Yeah, it's not as exciting as $6,000, though. Well, of course.

$600 is. When $6,000 is not as exciting as $600,000. Johnny, you got $600,000? That's amazing. Now I know why we're talking about this. So the question is, do you spend it on something stupid? You have to, because it's completely unexpected. And $600 is enough to do something fun.

Yeah, it's not a crazy amount of money to do something wild, but it's also fun money. How much is that dream guitar you want? Dude, it's like $1,400, but now if I spend $600 towards it, now I only owe $800. Yeah, but then that's not... See, I think it has to be... Interesting. Well, here's the thing, Johnny. You could gamble on the game today.

First game of the NFL season. Oh, come on. Stop. Double that money, turn that into a guitar right now. I was thinking about that because now I can make $1,200. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But it's free money, though. It's like money I didn't have before and didn't even know I had. But if you lose, you're going to be so pissed that you couldn't even spend it on anything useful.

But if you win, you're only $200 away. If he loses, he's right back to where he was before he even got the letter in the mail, which he wasn't expecting anyway. It's found money. I didn't even know I had it. Are you one of these living paycheck to paycheck people or do you have savings? No, I have savings, and it's like, I was going to be responsible and just save it for, like, Christmas or something, but I kind of want, like, a new guitar, though.

Boring. Don't be one of them savers, dude. That's nothing. Yeah, you got some posters. It's important to save. It is important to save. You know, if you put that in an IRA, slowly would accumulate. You could have $605 in five years.

You can get that guitar by the time you're in your mid-50s, and you can noodle around in some tulle in the front. Yeah, probably not that soon. That's a lose-lose situation. It is. So, Johnny, here's the thing about found money. Found money, you can't think of it the way that Allie's trying to do it, which is responsible thing and put it away and, you know,

oh, my God, you can put that in, start a 529 savings account. Put it in a nice business that's growing. Well, I can invest it in a bookie to, like, help make money. Because, like, if he flips it and makes $600 into $1,200, now we're talking. Yeah, you do one of two things. You got that new girlfriend. You guys just moved in together. You either go do a crazy, like, go stay at a hotel, move in, go somewhere for the night.

You go to a hotel, road trip somewhere. Yeah, nice hotel, nice dinner. That covers that. That's a good night out. Or we double it right now. Or you take half and save it and spend half on something stupid. It's like splitting the baby, though. That's not fun.

Then you go, then that's not fun. You've made it now responsible. You've made a responsible decision. You're half responsible. That's great. You have to be. Best of both worlds. Fully irresponsible.

But I feel like, look how excited my girlfriend would get if I told her, hey, I took this $600 and I actually made it $1,200. That's right. Or like $1,800. She'd think you're a genius. She'd call you Johnny Genius again. You know, 213 said they, sadly, this person won on a $500 Friday from Allie Knows the News. Got the $500. Found money.

And spent it on rent. That sucks. Weak. That sucks. That's the worst when you just spend it on bills or a grocery shop or just money that you spend every single week. I get it. It has to happen. It sucks.

Have to do it. I really want to get, like, the new Xbox and the new GTA 6, too, actually. Yeah. 626 said you should spend it on video games. Yeah, because my girlfriend got mad at me. She's like, you're, like, 28 years old. You don't need to be playing video games no more. Like, why would you buy money?

Sounds like that relationship is taking a use. But she's not wrong, though. She's not wrong, because I kind of feel the same way. Andrew on KROQ. Good morning. Hi. Hi. How are you guys?

Good. What's up? So, my wife got her car towed for missed payments, and they took the car away when she was making her payments, but then she lost her car and everything, but then we got a check in the mail from Chrysler, Dodge, and Wells Fargo for $15,000. And why? Yes. Because they towed her car for non-payment when she was making the payment. Whoa. Yes.

So, you just got an unexpected check for $15,000. In the mail. So, yeah, what she owed and what she was paying on for months. And next thing you know, we got to check it. And it was a blessing in disguise. It was totally. Does that even make sense? They tow it.

Don't you just go to the tow yard and pick it up there? Why is $15,000? No, not at all. No, not. When it's getting towed by the, you know, when the non-payment lawyer, you can't go and pick it up like that. Yeah, the repo guy. You can't just go and pick it up, especially when they just take it like that. And she was making payments.

So the $15,000 was for the trouble. Sorry for the inconvenience. Here's $15,000. Well, she complained about it for months and everything. I've been up to date on my payments and everything. And yeah, it was insane. So what do you do with the $15,000? You had an unexpected check on the mail, $15,000.

What do you do with it? Oh, we went on vacation for sure. Vacation. Yeah, that's right. Now, you could have had a $30,000 vacation if you placed one bet. Yeah, put that on the Seahawks tonight. Minus three. Squaw.

Oh, I'm not betting on the pigeons. All right, he's not betting on the pigeons. What happened to you, Jordan? You got unexpected money? Yeah, I worked for a kidney dialysis place. I was doing some pretty malpractice stuff. So about two years ago, I got a check for about $4,000 that came in the mail. Cool.

Pretty much they were doing some messed up stuff. And we made deliveries, that kind of stuff, with like IV infusions. But they were doing some messed up stuff. And it comes down to, you know, hooking people up to it. And, yeah, got a call. And you just randomly got a check for $4,000? Yeah, me and like four other people. It was a pretty small operation, but they closed down.

We weren't sure why, and that's obviously why we're there. Did you do something responsible with the $4,000, or did you do something fun with it? Oh, no. I went to Hawaii with my girl at the time. Nice. Nice. These are our listeners. See, a vacation, that's...

Impulsive. Impulsive. Oh, yeah. How'd that end up? Yeah, yeah. Not together anymore? Not so sweet. Yeah.

No, no, no, no. We had a great time. Yeah, that's all that matters. It was a great Hawaii trip. You know what you're getting into. You can't have a bad time there. The memory will last forever. Probably Bander in Hawaii, so he's got that memory.

Yeah, so for $600, where can that, yeah, yeah. Johnny, you can get to Victorville. You'll have yourself a decent night there, maybe. I'll get my ticket for a Greyhound bus to go see these Broncos lose. Yeah! Johnny, I'm being serious. All jokes aside, because Allie's going to tell you to do something boring with it. Omar's probably going to tell you to do something smart, but it'll be long-term.

I'm telling you right now, by tomorrow morning at this time, that $600 could be $1,200 easy. You want to bet this game goes to overtime tonight? We could turn that $600 into about $4,000. I think I try to really trust you because you're a very betting, skeezy guy. I kind of trust you. You're trusting him because he's a betting, skeezy guy? Look, he talks so confidently.

He talks a good game. Don't talk him out of it. Hey, skeezy. Fine. You do what you want with your money. Skeez, bro. Skeez. Johnny, no one's laughing now.

I'm going to take this tonight. I'll let you know where I'm putting it on. Okay. And you're going to walk in tomorrow with enough to buy that guitar. Really? How much is that guitar with tax and everything? It's probably going to come out to like $1,487. All right.

So we need to get you $1,500. We need to turn $600 into $1,500 in 24 hours. No way. Can you really do that? Oh, yeah. No, he can't. Yes, I can. He does not do it every year.

I don't do it with my money, but I can do it with other people's money. Oh, man. Johnny. I am very curious how this is going to turn out. All right, worst case scenario, if we can't do that, then we just get an Xbox. Are you okay servicing other- No, this is the worst case scenario. If you get an Xbox, there's a 100% chance that you're getting an Xbox.

Then let's get an Xbox. No, no, no, no, Johnny, no. This is going to be fun. No, bad Johnny. Listen to me. Listen to Skis, Uncle Skis. All right, Uncle Skis, go ahead. We are going to turn that money into, I'm going to find a bet that's going to be just

a little bit better than 50-50. Odds-wise. Oh, no. And we're going to figure out a way to get you, turn your six into, maybe I'll go on couchy. I'll figure something out. Well, look, if you could do that, maybe I'll cut you off a little bit to make it worth the effort.

Now we're talking. You're going to get a little bit of a zero dollars. Twenty percent. Are you excited? Twenty percent. Okay. All right. Let's do it.

A found money becomes found more money, because that's even better. Yes, but this is a- What's the line tonight, Jake? Is it three? Is Eagles favored by three at home? Eagles is Patriots. I mean, no. The Seahawks are favored by three, right?

You're trusting this guy, Johnny? He doesn't know he's playing tonight. He doesn't even know what's happening. Hold on, hold on, hold on. This guy has bet on Korean table tennis. Yeah, and I won that, by the way. I won until they changed the rules, and then I lost. This is insane.

You know that he's saying he's going to pick a bet where he gets less than 50% odds of it actually working out because you're going to win more money, but it's less likely that it's going to happen. No, don't confuse Johnny. His head's going to explode. Yeah, it might explode, actually. I'll give you money, Klein, to do it.

Yeah, I don't need any money. I'm going to help you win this guitar. I'm going to help you get this guitar. Hell yeah. But is that what you're going to buy if we double the money? Yeah, dude. I want my Thunder Jaguar. But don't you have guitars?

I only have one. I had to sell my last one. I thought you told someone on OfferUp your girl was pregnant and you needed to sell the guitar for money or something. Bro, don't be blowing my cover like that. Isn't that what happened? Yes. Okay, yeah. I told them my girlfriend's pregnant just so they don't hassle me, and they were like, okay, and they hand over the money quicker.

If you need a stand-in girlfriend, I'll be your pregnant girlfriend. They're going to be real sad then. Why was that so silent after? No one watched that story. I'm not paying you more than you asked for. You're good. You can take this guitar to hit your girlfriend. Katie on KROQ.

Hi, good morning. Hey, guys. How you doing? Hi, how are you? I got an unexpected check of 700 grand. 700 grand? Yes. I can tell because Vanessa wrote she got $700.

six or seven years and it's sad he od'd and he was waiting for a settlement money so he died like nine days before he got the money so it got passed down to you yeah what'd you do with it i don't know yet it's sitting in an account now we're talking okay climb what are you gonna do with her money you want me to turn that into a quick $1.4 million? $700,000 sounds nice, but I'll tell you what's nice. A millionaire is nice.

Right, right. Although, you know, it should be spent quick. First half spread is looking pretty nice right now. I was very sad for a while, but now I'm stoked. Alright, well, sorry about your loss, but congrats on the money. Hey, Mark, you're on KROQ. Good morning. Hey, guys. Sweet dibs. Shout out to the NetBangers.

Just a PSA for Johnny. I just want to let you know, be careful betting with Klein because he lost a lot of money to me over the last couple football seasons. How much money did he owe you? Well, let's see. He lost over $1,000 to me. I think he paid off about $500. All right, that's enough of this guy.

You owe somebody money? I don't owe him money. We double or nothing on something. This could be you, Johnny. Johnny, don't worry about that guy. That's a fake call. Screen the call. Fake what?

It's a fake phone. Daniel, hi. Hi. What's up? Good morning, guys. Good morning. So I got like $1,500 from this lumber yard I used to work at. Just, you know, one of those blue-collar jobs where everyone just hates going there every morning.

I guess they were just stealing a bunch of hours from us and underpaying us. So that was nice. As someone, by the way, has pointed out, that Johnny really isn't found money because these were hours Johnny worked. He finally just got paid. He didn't realize that he was getting... Yeah, it was just Johnny didn't realize he had to fill out his payment card. So you got paid.

What did you do with the $1,500, Daniel? Well, just a bunch of bills, you know, caught up on car payment. Nah, that sucks, boy. 310 said they got $13,000 after a car accident and went to Japan with their girlfriend. Girlfriend trip, that's a great way to spend it. Yeah.

All right, Johnny. I'm looking. So you got to make a decision now. I'm serious. Like, if you could, like, make some... Like, I'm giving you a chance to make money off of this, too. So if you pick well tonight, we'll both be making some money.

Okay. I'm on a bit of a cold streak. Squaw! But I think, no, no, let's go. We're getting guitar, baby. Let's go. We're getting guitar rich. Yeah, I got skis.

Johnny and skis tonight, NFL action. All right, I figured it out. Crunch the numbers. Johnny, here's what we're doing tonight. Get ready for this. Hold on. One final word of wisdom from one of the listeners who's on the phone right now that would like to tell you to be smart about your money.

Johnny found $600, found money, old job he hasn't had for four years, some sort of class action settlement, got a $600 check in the mail. If we put that on the Patriots to win tonight, outright win, John. You're going to make $930 on top of your $600, which will give you $1,530. Covers the guitar and enough money for a few picks. You're welcome. Whoa. Do you know how to really do that?

Yep. I'll put it in. A Milano. manolo manolo manolo bro his favorite cookie go ahead manolo welcome to k-rock hi what's up listen client the term to describe you is degenerate gambler that's what we describe you as okay manolo says you're a degenerate gambler okay i'm gonna tattoo that on my left cheek i'd love you to do that i bet you won't how much you want to bet manolo let him five hundred dollars you won't put that tattoo on

his body right now? Steve, degenerate gambler, bro. You want to bet on everything. You want to bet it's going to be hot today? Yeah, I'll take that. I'll take the over. It's going to be hot today.

It's like 90-something. Humidity, too. Okay, so you... You guys are great, man. All right, thank you. All right, thank you. Get that tattoo. Show us proof.

I'll give you the money. You really are going to put Johnny's money on the Patriots to win tonight? Yeah, because it'll be double fun because, A, Jake will start the season angry. It's a double win for us, Johnny,

if you think about it. Yeah. You'll get the guitar. Jake will be mad. Didn't the Patriots lose pretty badly during the Super Bowl? Yeah, they got smoked. Yeah. But they had a great season.

They had a lucky season. They've had all offseason to think about it, Johnny. Wait, they suck? No, no, they don't suck, dude. They don't suck. They made it to the Super Bowl. One of the greatest teams last year. I don't even like the Patriots.

It was incredible. They got lucky. If you're going to bet, you should bet on the new team that you're a fan of, the Broncos. No, they're trash. All right. You can't say that. You're a big fan now. I mean, yeah, I love the Broncos.

All right, so here we go. So, Johnny, give me that money, and I'm going to call my guy, and I'm going to put that in for you. All right, check yourself. All right. Wow. This is exciting. I actually will be pissed if the Seahawks lose.

I know you will. What happens if he loses? He loses $600? Yes. Oh, my God, Johnny. Yes, Vanessa. What do you think happens? I don't know.

You think they go, never mind. It was all pretend. Let's try again next week. All right, we've got to take a break. We come back in a moment. We have four tickets for you to go to the opening night of Not Scary Farm. We'll do that. Also get into a brand-new hour of the show.

And we'll share some of our stories about times we've been injured by food. Specifically, Klein's times he's been injured by food. I do have to get stitches for something that happened over the weekend. I mean, because of a taco shell. I'm not going to get into it now, but I'm just saying. This is my third massive food-related injury. And do you remember the last injury that you had where you sneezed out a sandwich and got a brain-eating amoeba?

Well, I don't know if that's because of the sandwich, but I did get part of the sandwich stuck in my nose for weeks. Might still be in there, some of it. I think so. Hey, but Johnny, let me be your financial advisor, okay? Okay, Rock, we are Klein Alley Show. Let's find out what's happening in the world with the ADD News. Then a brand-new hour of the show will officially begin.

We got lots of tickets to give you today and access and, of course, mediocre content, as we are known for around these parts and much more after this. Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. All right, it's official. Girl Scouts have announced their new cookies for the year, a.k.a. the new way they're trying to swindle you into spending more

than you wanted to spend when you leave the grocery store. They are getting into the dog treat game with Patch Pals. Who will accidentally buy these thinking that they're meant for humans? They do have a giant picture of a dog on the front of the box, but that won't deter people like Omar, who have bought dog food on multiple occasions. I stand by Omar as a man who accidentally bought Ben and Jerry's dogs and ate that myself. And that was a pint of ice cream because I didn't know Ben and Jerry's were doing the same thing for dogs.

They have dog ice cream and I ate that. Omar, after looking at the packaging of the thing he ate, yes, there was a dog on it. But it was small. It wasn't like big. They actually changed the packaging now. Yeah. Omar did make a serious change in society. After Omar?

Yeah. And I don't know how you get qualified to get some sort of a Nobel Prize or whatever. but what Omar did for society was big because I looked at the packaging after Omar sat down and ate. Ate a lot of it. Ate a lot of it. I was like, yeah, man,

this has no taste. Did you think that about the Ben & Jerry's too, that it was bland? It must have been. It felt like it was lacking sweet and I remember thinking to myself, I think I either have a cold or COVID again. That's like the only flavor of ice cream.

I know, and there was no sweet, but then I thought maybe I accidentally bought healthy, and I was so relieved when I found out it was not healthy. It was just dog. This tastes like chicken parts. They also have Girl Scout Sparkables, which is their first allergy-friendly cookie. They are oatmeal cookies with chocolate

chips and sprinkles, and they are developed with allergy-friendly patrons in mind. I'd rather have the dog one, I think. At least it's oatmeal with chocolate chips and not oatmeal raisin. Right, yeah. They do double down on terrible when they throw the oatmeal and the raisin together. Yeah.

I mean, no one likes oatmeal raisin, right? You ever see a cookie platter, one of those variety cookie platters? I mean, I'll tell you, the first to go, chocolate chip, first to go, first round draft pick. It's the classic, of course. And then you get some other randoms that go. Then you get like a sugar cookie person who's like, I love shortbread. Yeah, a couple snickerdoodles will be gone. But I'll tell you what's always left there, and I can see it from a thousand miles away.

It's oatmeal raisins. And a lot of times their oatmeal raisins were picked up. Someone definitely took a bite and was like, oh, I thought that was a chocolate chip. Threw it right back down on the tray. I know, people accidentally eating oatmeal cookies is definitely a whole different category. That's the best one, dude. I literally got accosted over the weekend for picking one up at a party. Made me put it down.

You got made fun of? What, you got accosted? Yeah, like literally, he's like, so, I saw you pick up that oatmeal raisin cookie. What the hell was that about? And I was like, damn, bro. Damn, can't I eat an oatmeal raisin cookie? I can't have this cookie? Like, what the hell?

Did that voice again, Allie? No. There was a record-breaking game. What kind of racist cookie person are you? I was doing a Johnny impression. Oh, that was Johnny. Yeah, it was Johnny. Johnny Cochran it sounded like.

The U.S. Open last night, they had a record-breaking match or game or whatever they call it. It was the latest match in U.S. Open history. It went until 3.30 in the morning. The game was almost four and a half hours long, and it was an important one for the U.S. because Ben Shelton won it at the end. He is going to the finals. So this is, an American man has not won a Grand Slam in 23 years, not since Andy Roddick. so here are some of the highlights of the game

if you missed it. I'll play them for you. Here we go. Where's the grunting? The men don't grunt so much. I've got the grunting. Oh, Ali's got the grunting one. Hold on, Ali's got the real one. That was just generic. Here we go, here we go. also this guy is kind of a little bit of a ham like when he actually won he did

that whole, like, lion tongue-out thing where he was like, yeah! I was like, wow. The guy was an 11 seed. He beat a two seed, beat one of the greats, and it was pretty incredible because the guy was down and then came back and ended up winning that final side.

I didn't watch any of this, of course, but... Yeah, you know so much about this guy. I did study up this morning because apparently it's a big deal in the world of men's tennis. He's a dad. Dad knows tennis. Gotta watch some tennis. He has a white hat. He knows tennis.

That's right. That's right. You better believe it. You have a nice, crisp hat. You like tennis. Tennis. And then finally, I think this is good news for our trash museum. Tame Impala has told fans he will no longer be signing autographs because there are aggressive autograph hounds that are using kids as a tactic just to get signatures and then resell things online. And we do have an item in our trash museum that is signed by Tame Impala, and it could be one of the last signed items ever.

I think he refused to sign. No, no, no. He did. I had to actually, like, get him to sign it, and he gave me this, like, goofy look. Yeah, so he did sign it. What did Tim and Paula add to our trash museum? It was a Chex Mix snack bag. Yeah, it's in there.

Nice. And it is signed, is it not? Yeah, I think we're going to put this trash museum on the road. Originally, the Celebrity Trash Museum, I think was, if you go through the history of K-Rock, I believe that was an idea that Jimmy Kimmel wanted to do here years ago when he was with Kevin and Bean. And they never started doing it. He wanted to do it. They never did it.

So I feel like we built the Celebrity Trash Museum as kind of a tribute to Kimmel. We even bought shelves. And the goal would be that eventually Kimmel lets us go on to his late night show and display, you know, like a lot of times they have like a third guest that no one cares about on those shows. They'll be like, George Clooney. That could be us. Yeah, we could be the third guest no one cares about. And we come out there and we share some of the greatest celebrity trash we've collected here at K-Rock. I think the best shot we have is to be like the warm-up people in the audience.

Oh, man, that's a terrible joke. Those poor people. I think there's guest number three and then there's the warm-up guy. who sometimes will fill in when, like, all the guests cancel. And then they're like, and now Don Barros is here to do three minutes of stand-up. Yeah, but they work hard. They do. If you've ever been to those tapings, you're like,

this person is sweating their ass off trying to keep this audience interested. Drove Brody Stevens to kill himself. That job, that's how hard it was. And that guy was one of the best there was in the biz at that. Yeah, for sure. All right, we get into a brand-new hour of the show in a moment. This is the world-famous K-Rock. Let's get you to Not Scary Farm opening night right now.

If you're the 20th caller, the number to join us and win is 800-520-1067. It is opening day, kickoff day for NFL action. I actually drove by a giant billboard today on Hollywood and Highland. It was the countdown to NFL Sunday, so it still had some more hours and days left on it. But I got very excited because it's just a great time of the year. It's all part of that Jason, those stretch of months where all the good things happen between July and November. And here we are right in the middle of it.

So we're very excited for the return of football. Not as excited that we'll be rooting for teams that we were forced to root for earlier today on the show. Go Cardinals! Ali's a big Cards fan. I'm with the Ravens. I ride with the Ravens this season. Omar is a huge fan.

Every time I say it, I get nervous. I'm a big fan of that team from Washington. And... Cards fan! Yes, I am. Love it. Jake is a Packers fan. I'm going to get some piercings.

Oh, no. I think you should. If you're going to do it, do it for a team you fake support. That's what I always say. The best way. The best way. Vanessa with the Rams, John is with the Broncos, and Jake is a huge Packers fan. Anyway, enough about us.

This hour on the show, times you've been injured by food. Food is responsible for a lot of death every year. A lot of times people eat stuff that went bad and they die or they choke and they die. But there's other ways you can be injured by food. I'm talking burns, I'm talking cuts. There's that time, Allie, I took the shish kebab burn because I wouldn't wait for that metal skewer to cool down. Oh, yeah, you looked like you had herpes on your lip.

I basically branded myself because I ate the meat right off the skewer, and then the skewer immediately singed my lip. That's just called not being able to wait 30 seconds for the thing to cool down. It's like, give it to me now. I have put things in my mouth where I'm like, I am burning my whole mouth off right now, but I've committed. Injured by food. I had a new one, almost took me out over the weekend.

We'll get into that. But first, we say good morning to George in Irwindale. Hey, George. Woo! What's up, Canada? Love it. You are the 20th caller. Enjoy and save some of those screams for Not Scary Farm.

They'll be there for opening night, all right? All right, that sounds like some Omar will be chanting. I'm supposed to do that. That's Omar's thing. Relax. Don't steal Omar's stuff, all right? He's another fan. Hold on one second.

You guys can watch Washington play all season long, and you will be at the opening night of Not Scary Farm. It's happening all fall. Skate mazes and all that stuff. You know, I'm not going to read what they told me to say. But anyway, you should go there. It's fun. Okay.

A lot of good scary stuff. That's right. And this is Sublime. Back to our regularly scheduled music on KRO. You may be thinking you're having a bad day today. But I'm going to tell you right now that you're not having as bad of a day of this person. Who was so excited to come with us to the Endless Summer Kegger. Only to realize that he didn't check his spam folder.

Oh, damn. And never realized that he won his way in until today. I am so upset because I applied to the Endless Summer Kegger with my email because I can't call in during the show hours. And I freaking got tickets, did not see the email, and I've been sulking, telling my wife how sad I am I didn't get to go. I didn't win tickets. And lo and behold, I did win them. They were in my email, and I just didn't see them. So maybe next time.

It sucks for you, but that is why we are having a week from today, a different opportunity to all hang out together. It's our Fiesta Siesta, Mexican Independence Day. Low Sluggers t-shirts, gourmet tacos, live music, ear ringers, and mariachi. That's not going to get trapped in spam. No, you don't need a ticket. Just show up. We'll be there at the Sconzo. All the details up on our Instagram at Klein Alley Show.

It's one week from today, so plan accordingly. We're doing it right after the show. You have the choice if you're in the mood to fiesta or in the mood to siesta. You can do both at the Klein Alley Show siesta, fiesta siesta. I can't imagine all the opportunities and things that have been lost just based on spam folders. Yeah, and spam's gotten a lot more picky lately where stuff that shouldn't be there. There's obviously stuff. 99% of it belongs there.

Right. But then sometimes if you check. Any sort of pill about erections or, you know, those are all, that's what spam folder was designed for. Mine too, yeah. Right, that's what they're there for. It's all erection pills. It's all knock down walls with your D, all this stuff. That's what that was for.

They get more aggressive. If you don't click on them, they just keep getting more aggressive. Yeah, but then there's a random confirmation number, an invite to something that you actually did want to go to. And that's where things get weird. But the good news is that next Wednesday, a week from today, we'll all get together again. If you couldn't make it to the other thing, we'll see you at that one. All right. Jake, bad news for you.

According to Vanessa, she's put her wooshy potion on you. Oh, great. And she officially announced today that this relationship you're in, even though it's brand new, she says now has an expiration date of one month because of something that was said to you by your new... What are you guys? You're not girlfriend, are you? No, no, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend, no. Well, you asked her.

You did try to ask her that, and she kind of shut you down. She said you want to be exclusive one night, and she kind of said, don't ask me that right now. And then something she said last night, Vanessa believes, is the kiss of death in the relationship. I actually think it proves that she likes me a lot more than you guys are giving her credit for. Way to turn it into a compliment. Why don't you share what she said? Yeah, she said that she does not like or she's not a fan of my deodorant smell, the patchouli smell. You mean your natural musk that, quote, chicks dig?

No, the natural musk chicks still dig. But the actual smell I put to mask my musk when it gets too musky, she does not dig. And when we've all said the exact same thing about your smell for years, you've ignored us. Yeah, because I like it. Yes, but if she says she doesn't like it, that means that she has bypassed this for what, a month and a half now? A month, just over a month. She's put up with it. She's put up with it.

She's looked past it, which I don't know how you can do. Somebody's smell, if you don't like their smell, I feel like that's such a deal breaker for people. But it's not, because that means I'm just, like, either super charming or funny or just... No, that's why I said you have a month. No! That's what I'm telling you, Jake. She dealt with it. She told you, and you're like, mm, we'll see.

Come on, dude, if you like this girl, just change your deodorant. Change the deodorant now. That's how much she likes me. She's going, getting past it. That's how much she does not like you. You have a month. Never seen Vanessa move faster to a microphone than when Jake said, she maybe thinks I'm charming. The message just head-doped right into the microphone

To make sure she got that out there She is giving you a chance here, Jake To make a change I just bought a bunch of new deodorant And I got the same smell Sell it on Amazon, buddy Sell it Who am I going to sell it to?

Your people Now they're smellies That has got to be the smelly community They're like, oh, finally, up for resale again Here he is, my man, Jake. I've been waiting for a gently used stick of whatever, and here it is. So how many sticks did you buy? Oh, God, I actually checked the receipt.

I got a bunch because it was on sale for Labor Day. So how much did you spend on your patchouli deodorant? Hold on, let me pull it up. How many sticks? Oh, let's see, let's see. I got it right here. View order, five sticks. Five?

Jake. But I also got some lip balm. But five sticks of deodorant, that would last a normal person maybe a year, I could imagine. Oh, you mean like a stick a week? Yeah, you, it's probably, that's five. Well, actually, no, like a stick, like a month, probably. How much you spend on your five sticks of deodorant? And a lip balm?

Yeah, sure, whatever. Let's see here. Oh, it's like 50 bucks. Wow, that's expensive. So you overpay for horrible deodorant. I like it. So she's now said to you, this is a problem. She said she was not a fan of it.

She didn't like it. Right, and that's the nice thing. I wish you would have told me that three days ago. She's like, I did tell you that, but I wasn't listening, I guess. Oh, man. So Vanessa says under a month. She said that this is like, and Jake thinks he's, of course, spinning this into a positive, going, if she really didn't like me, she would just leave.

If she's saying, I'm giving you room to notes for improvement, it's time to take the note. But Jake is now doing neither. He's not going to take the note. Because he doesn't want to waste the money. What do you think will end first? the stick of deodorant or the relationship? Oh, the first stick, number one, or the relationship? Yeah.

I'm going to put my money on the... The relationship will end first. I bet on the deodorant to last longer. I'm so charming. She really likes me. Yeah, but dude, if you just bought a different stick of deodorant, this could last much longer than it's going to. So why would you give up sex

just for 50-some-odd dollars? I will give her a chance to smell a different smell of this brand, and she likes it, I'll go with that smell. Don't all the smells of that brand smell like hippie? No, well, sort of, yeah, I guess. Hold on, we have one of Jake's people on the phone. You're in the smellies?

Hi, hello, smell? Hi. It's a great smell. Patchouli's a great smell. Thank you. Well, then you belong together. I mean, once again, there are Patchouli people. I think this girl is a Patchouli person.

She likes tulle. She likes all sorts of stuff that I like. So that it must not be the deodorant raw. It must be the deodorant mixed with you. And that must mean you are the problem. It's like when people try and spray after they crap. Yes. Like you can still smell crap mixed with the nice smell.

It smells like someone took a dump in a field of dandelions. Right. So it's like dump and patchouli. Right. Right. You get me. I know. Okay.

Thank you. We got to take a break. Have you been injured by food? This is not a commercial for Sweet James. But it could be. This is a serious question because a lot of people are ashamed to admit it, but food has taken them out. And sometimes it's something that accidentally squirts you in the eye. Sometimes you were cutting peppers.

The next thing you know, you're wiping your butt, and all of a sudden you've got third-degree burns. Oh, my God. I've done that with jalapenos in my vagina. Pull that clip. What? What in your vagina? That's Ali's family's guacamole. Not in.

I was cutting the... All right. Well, I'll get into it later. Injured by food. 800-520-1067 I almost got taken down by a taco shell this weekend we'll share the stories after this on KROQ

if you're keeping track in my lifetime at least I have been almost taken down by food four different times there was the time that I tried to put the entire bagel bite in my mouth in one swallow because it was too hot so I decided I would just swallow it down

it got lodged in my throat I was pretty much convinced I was going to die choking to death in the kitchen and then people would say what happened to Klein they'd say he choked to death on a bagel bite And I would have thought that would have been probably a good story to tell. It's a good way to go out for you. And then there was the time I was trying to eat the sandwich on the beach and sneezed,

and the sandwich got lodged in my nose, got stuck in there, parts of it. I was blowing parts of the sandwich out of my nose for a week afterwards. I ended up in the hospital with some sort of a strange brain-eating amoeba, and I could not tell the doctor for sure if it was the time that Allie and I were jamming pens in our ears trying to give ourselves eargasms or if it was because I sneezed. I mean, this conversation I had to have with this doctor, and he said, Why do you think it is? And I said, it's either because my dog.

He's following embarrassing reasons. These three reasons could be why. And one of them is because I sneezed a sandwich out of my nose and I'm still blowing out pieces of lettuce and ham. And he said, I don't think that's it. But he said, now I'm sad I told you this. But he did write down a note in my file about it. About your orgasms too. And then this weekend, I went and got a taco, hard shell taco, not by choice, but that's what they offered.

And it's a place I've had tacos at before. and this taco was extra crisp and sharp and when I took the bite and I went to kind of take down more than I probably should have, a big piece of the shell just put a giant gash and sliced the inside of my mouth.

Bleeding? Oh, yeah, bleeding, but also there's a piece of flap, there's a flappy piece of skin now. Like a hamster. It hasn't reconnected. Yeah, you can stuff things in there. So now, yeah,

it's like I have a kangaroo pouch inside my mouth. I could put one of those like Zin pouches in there, I think, if I take up that hobby. Or some more cheese. So I realized that food is... A dangerous thing.

I love you, food, but you're always trying to take me out. Yeah, I was one of the first people that got avocado injuries. Oh, yeah. That was happening. You got an avocado hand. Stabbed yourself in the hand. Yeah, and it, like, pierced through my hand to the point where I could see white. I was like, I didn't know there was white inside my hand.

That seems wrong. We realized if this is happening to us, it's probably happening to you as well. David, when is the time that you were injured by food? Well, I got knocked out by a flying frozen chicken wing or chicken breast. Frozen. Oh, one of those. Oh, well, a frozen chicken breast is like a hockey puck. Sounds like it gave you a concussion.

Frozen. What happened? Frozen chicken breast wing. I don't think you've ever recovered, David. What happened? My buddy of mine slammed his slingshot, and he swinged it right in my head. Bam! Frozen.

Wait, were you in the process of cooking chicken, or this had nothing to do with actually eating? It had nothing to do with it. He just had his wings shot. He thought it'd be funny to start shooting stuff around. It was like a frozen chicken wing. Bam! Hit him right in the head.

Knocked you down. Knocked you in the head. And was the wing thawed? No, it was frozen. Frozen. It was frozen. That's David. He's got, clearly, that guy's got CTE because of this.

Clearly, he has friends that want to hit him in the head. You were anonymous. You don't want to share your name. That's fine. Why were you or how were you injured by food? Well, I actually caused the injury one time after eating hot Cheetos. I went down on my wife. Needless to say, I didn't get any after that or for a while after.

How quickly after you were done eating hot Cheetos did you go down on your wife? Maybe like an hour. And you just had spicy Cheeto dust all over your face? No, it was just left over in my mouth, I guess. You know, I washed my hands and everything, and then, yeah. And then you randomly transitioned from eating a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos to the bedroom, whatever. She said, let's have sex. Now is the time.

I'm ready. And then you went down on her, and she was, what, experiencing pain? Yeah. She was like, what the hell? Why is it burning? It's probably tough to determine the difference between the moaning at first. Yeah, I think she must be into this. Oh, man, that is a cautionary tale if I've ever heard one before.

So that is injured by food for sure. That's also not something like when you eat something hot, you drink milk or something to counteract it. There's no way to counteract that feeling. Once that burning is happening, there's nothing you can do but wait it out. Yeah, but I would imagine his mouth probably because you eat enough Flamin' Cheetos, those aren't even spicy anymore. You just like them for flavor. So I'm sure for you, you probably built up an immunity. But for her, I would imagine her genitals, I don't want to speak for your wife's genitals,

but I would imagine they have not probably had a lot of Flamin' Hot Cheeto experience. Oh, no, not at all. Yeah. And did you explain to her what you think? Like, did you put it together while you were down there? Like, kind of like... I'm kind of figuring it out, and then she was twice as mad at me. Right, right.

Understood. Well, she's lucky. She's a lucky lady right there. A lot of guys won't do that, so... Yeah, that's true. He's a hero. I mean, at least he went through the effort. She should be a little appreciative.

I had to fuel up ahead of time. Chewy. 562 said that there's no way that guy washed his hands. I totally agree. No, I washed them. I believe everything about your story, minus the part where you claim you washed your hands. Chewy, how were you injured by food? Chewy was injured by food?

I was. I was chewing on a piece of pork belly, and it completely shattered my wisdom tooth. Yeah, that's probably the number. I would imagine the amount of teeth that go down. And, you know, most, I mean, pork belly is an interesting one. But, like, you know, just from, you know, popcorn. There's always the standard ones. They're going to take out, mess up your teeth.

Is that how you got a nickname or your original name is Chewy? No, that's my original name. My original name is Jesus. And in Mexico, they call him Chewy. So it's just one of those birth-given nicknames. But also you injured yourself chewing. I did. Yeah.

That's ironic right there, I guess. Paulie, you're on KROQ. Good morning. What happened to you? Hey, morning, y'all. Shout out, NetBangers. Nice. So I was a kid.

I was like five years old. And we're having like a little family get-together. All the adults are in the living room. I'm in the kitchen scarfing down Doritos, dude. And I started choking on one, man. I ended up on the floor choking. My aunt was the only one who saw me. She picked me up, did the damn Heimlich maneuver on me and saved my life.

And so for almost like 10 years, dude, I didn't eat any Doritos or tortilla chips. And I called them all choking chips, dude. And I avoided them at all costs Well, I think there's a reason why they had to come out with those round ones now You know, they don't do Doritos round Just for safety reasons Safety reasons I think too many people, like this is what happened to me

I mean, it was a taco, nothing against taco shells, love them But this one was a double fried taco shell And it just gave me a double, like real gash And technically those are rounded on the edges So I don't know how I was able to work through that But regardless, I think that's why they came up with the round chips, Allie Too many people injuring themselves with pointy chips They don't taste as good though

For some reason, the pointy chip tastes better than the roundy chip. It's the danger. I think it's the danger you're into more than anything else. Annie, I'm K-Rock. Good morning. Hey, guys. What did you do? How did you hurt yourself?

Injured by food is the question. So I was about two years old, and I didn't know what I was doing. And I had a piece of pizza, and the cheese spilled all over my neck. And I was burned like that for about 10 years, and I always had that scar. Whoa, you have permanent pizza scar neck? yeah it's still there sometimes people always ask like hey what happened to your neck and I was like yeah I was like too and I burned myself

that's a great war wound though it's like that's like what they used to do in the middle ages when people tried to like break in the castle they'd pour the hot tar on them or whatever and this is the same thing but you just got the hot cheese treatment from pizza you're just branded with good cheese forever

so drizzle down your neck it's delicious I'm sorry for you but that still sounds somehow delicious to me Denise, I'm K-Rock. What happened to you? What's up, Klein? I ate a Carolina Reaper hot pepper, and I had a stomach ache after. Like, not just my mouth.

My stomach was burning after I ate it. I mean, that's, I mean, you know that going in, though, right? Yeah, you did that intentionally. It's very different than a guy getting knocked out because of a frozen chicken wing or someone accidentally getting, you know, the Flaming Hot Cheater treatment down south. Yeah, but that second part is unintentional. Well, at least you knew going in you were eating something hot and bad things could happen. Allie, you claimed that you had an issue with a jalapeno pepper in your vagina. Yeah.

Well, I was cutting jalapenos. I was making my white people tacos, you know, age-old recipe. I can't believe you even use it. I would think for white people tacos you would only use bell peppers or some white people pepper. I use bell peppers and onions that I saute like fajitas. Right. And then I also put in some chopped jalapenos into my ground turkey. Man, that is so white.

and and before i put the greek yogurt on top of my taco because it's a little healthier than the sour cream i ate my tacos enjoyed myself i think i even did wash my hands but i'm not sure and then later on this was i think when katie was out of town so i went to town on myself you joined to self-pleasure yes and then i was like oh crap i forgot that this was still on my hands and then it Yeah, it really burned. Sucked. Really sucked. And like I said, you can't do anything about it.

You just got to kind of wait it out. And it's kind of a nice tingle at first, but then it just hurts. So you went from white people taco night directly to white people taco night. Oh, yeah. It was a white people taco night. Man. Well, I wish we could get to all these stories, but we can't because we're out of show. Still worth it, though.

So do some takeaways and then wrap things up after this. You got to get them to us now on the text line. Klein Alley Show. Okay, right. Let's get out of here. We're going to do some takeaways, hit the road, sluggos in in moments. Got that 90s at noon for you. And tickets, tickets, tickets all over the place every hour.

Get yourself into Not Scary Farm. All you got to do is listen, call, and win. Four tickets. You don't even have to pick your favorite kid. You can bring them both. Or if you don't have kids, just pick up two random ones from the bus station. Bring them. That's cool.

Takeaways from today's show. What do we got? 714, my takeaway is she lives in Australia. Strong takeaway. 925 Uncle Skis is going to get that guitar money. 774, if your name is Mason, you can blame Big Jar. 626, Allie is the new offensive lineman at the Super Bowl. She's going to run naked on the field, nine months pregnant.

That'll make the news. That'll be great. 562, my takeaway. Because they can't tackle you. No, they can't. It's actually the greatest. You'd be the only striker. The greatest trick she ever played.

they would have to let because Allie's due on Super Bowl Sunday if she goes and she runs on the you won't be able to run much but a naked pregnant woman waddling

and I'll have the metaglasses yeah I'll waddle under the field they're not allowed to tackle you so they're just going to have to let you run out of air so slowly like they're so able

to catch up with me and they can't do anything they're going to have to like harpoon you or something regardless like Moby Dick we got her that's great

drag her in can't wait for this NFL season 5-6-2, my takeaway is anything is a controlled substance when you put it in your pocket. Yep. And 9-0-9, my takeaway is Klein doesn't speak for other people's genitals. I don't make it a habit, and I will not start doing that now. I respect that man's Flamin' Hot Cheeto wife vagina more than to speak for it. Wife vagina?

Whatever. That's why I don't speak for other people's genitals. I have a hard enough time speaking English. Yeah, I know. It's rough. And 6-5-0, my takeaway is Hot Cheetos should come with a warning label. That would be interesting. if we could somehow get them to add that warning label to the bag

about not going down on someone within an hour. I mean, especially, everything's spicy. They're flaming everything, as we know. Right. So everything needs to just come with a little bit of a disclaimer saying don't touch your privates or other people's privates. Vanessa, you have a takeaway? Yes.

Not everything on your phone is sexual. It's also gambling. That's right. It's not all sexual. Sometimes it's gambling related. Johnny, takeaway? Allie puts the more in paramour. Sure does.

You can see the picture that goes with that. It's up on her Instagram, a Klein Alley show. And it is Fat Alley at her. She doesn't believe that's even her at her fattest. Oh, it's not. No, I was much bigger than that. Yeah, but it is a great picture. She's blocking half the band.

What's your takeaway, Alley? Thanks. Thanks for throwing me after that insult. My takeaway is if you're wearing a white hat, you know tennis. That's true. Anyway, go ahead and talk now, Fatty. Jesus Christ. Jake, you have a takeaway?

Yeah, only Omar can say, Wapow. Yeah, Omar's the only guy that has the rights. He's a huge fan of that football team in Washington now. Forced upon him.

Omar, do you have a takeaway? I'm nervous, but what is it? No, no. My takeaway is that Dumpin' Patchouli by Dior coming this fall. Yeah, that's right. That's Jake's scent,

his signature scent. All right, I'll do it tomorrow. Try to do it better. If you need us in the meantime, you can find us on the GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT, Instagram, Klein Alley Show. And we'll see you a week from today

at the Fiesta Siesta. Jake, you want to let out one final squaw before the first game of the NFL season? There it is. Good little birdie. Squaw! Tomorrow, try to do it better. All right, goodbye. Clown and Allie, it's just okay.

Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Wow. Clown and Allie, it's just okay. Just okay. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. No need to clap, but I will for us. This episode of Klein Alley Show has officially come to an end. And now it's a good opportunity for us to shill all of our things for the next 30 seconds

so you realize that this really is a business and we're not actually friends. If you've ever wanted to see what we look like, I question your decisions. But we are available for your viewing pleasure at KROQ's YouTube. And we even hired a guy to run the YouTube live stream. So for the sake of Justin's job, you should watch it. Yeah, if Justin gets fired, and by the way, he's a ginger, so I think it's racist if you fire him. Regardless, check out our show. It's on YouTube.

Every single morning you can watch us live. Of course, we love it when you listen on the radio, like the good Lord intended, but also watch the YouTube after the fact. You can also follow along on the socials, Klein Alley Show. There's so many ways for you to get involved and do your little part to help us to hashtag grow the show.

If you've ever wanted to see what Jake's nerd hole looks like or the way Johnny thinks during Johnny Doesn't Know or simply the way that Klein looks disgusted when I tell him a sexy story about myself, it's all available on the live stream. See, you can see what that looks like. All right, you can stop. Don't die.

Open them to dies.