Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Spider Bites

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Spider-Man, I do believe, is still the biggest movie in the entire world.

But let's not go ahead and forget for a moment that spiders are actually in our real lives on a daily basis, causing us grave harm. And we talked about this woman that was bit 14 times by what appeared to be some sort of a calculated attack from spiders. She was just sitting by a fire and a bunch of spiders crawled up her leg. I think she almost lost her leg and her life. Yeah, and that was like days after the fact, because at first it was just kind of annoying and itchy, and then all of a sudden I think her blood started clotting or something. Yeah, and Kevin Ryder also almost died from getting bitten by a brown reckless. That guy took a brown recluse right on the back, and his back looked like someone spilled battery acid all over it. I saw it. I think people like Spider-Man because it's the only Spider-Bite success story.

So, yeah, it really is. If you think about the real ones that we're dealing with, we'll take your calls in a moment, real-life Spider-Bites. This is going to freak people out. And if you're already someone who's freaked out by spiders like my wife, this was one time we had a spider on the ceiling above our bed. No! If it drops into the bed, I will f***ing kill you. Be smart. That's when she told me to make sure I got rid of it.

And then when I went to try to swat it, which is very hard to kill a spider on the ceiling. Ceiling spiders are maniacal. They know what they're doing. It fell into the bed and then crawled off. And I had to pretend that I had one. I had to basically pretend that I got it and put it in the toilet. And then she goes, let me see the body. Show me the body.

and I didn't have a body to show her. So we moved. Then there was this woman who left this message just this past week on the GOAT line about real-life spider bites. He got bit by a spider on his face. His face swelled up. He was in the hospital for nine days

and he actually had to get surgery to remove part of his cheek inside. He had sepsis and then he had ended up going to MRSA. then he came out of the hospital after nine days a week later he got bit on his tummy and he had to go to urgent care and they had to cut around on his tummy so spider bites are very dangerous spider bites spider bites you don't want to get bit by a spider so that is jake's version that is uh well here's jake's version as we officially get into a round of something that We are calling Spider Bites, but Jake is somehow calling still Spider Stuff.

It's time for Spider Bites. Spider Bites, Spider Bites, I have a friend that got bit by a spider. Spider Bites, Spider Bites, you don't want to get bit by a spider. Hey, Pedro, if it feels like spiders are everywhere this time of year, it's because they are. It must be spider breeding season or something, because webs are everywhere. Go ahead, Pedro, what happened to you? Real life spider encounters. Hey, what's up, Klein?

And so I was sitting under a tree. A spider came down, landed on my nose. I felt a bite. Bam, I whacked it. I seen it fall. Immediately started breaking out into hives. Ended up going to urgent care. Almost died.

They told me that then and there I was allergic to spider bites. And never again. So you immediately started breaking out in hives. What did they give you, anti-venom or something in the urgent care? I mean, honestly, I don't even know. I was kind of already like when I was breaking out twice, my throat was closing, too. So at that point, I'm just like, you know, I was laying down on the gurney and my mom kind of took care of everything else. So most likely you still don't know what kind of spider it was.

I know for you, it probably doesn't even matter. Yeah, correct. I'm not too sure. I kind of felt that bite. I smacked it. I seen something fall on the floor. I'm like, oh, that's a spider. So you didn't even kill it? I hope I did. Still out there going, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, you got a bite and got away.

All right, well, that's... And also, does that mean you're allergic to all spiders? Because I'm sure there's some that you're... I mean, that's got to freak you the F out now on top of everything else. I think, Allie, your biggest fear is what? A spider crawls inside of your vagina while you sleep and lays eggs? The laying of the eggs. Is it in the vagina or the ear?

Which one was yours? Any. Oh, any orifice. Yeah, and even if I feel like a scratching in my ear or any kind of thing that feels off, That's my first thought, is there's a spider laying eggs in my ear. But are you terrified of spiders now? I mean, you must be.

Pedro, you've got to go through life freaked out, because you know if it gets you again, you could be game over, right? Yeah, no, I'm super terrified. I usually have my wife kill bugs for me now. Oh, that's humiliating. That is humiliating. And he's like, don't be, I'm allergic. Tammy, welcome to Spidey Bites. What happened to you?

i used to hi guys i used to live in nashville and they got bit by a brown recluse on my forearm but i was okay um like it still hurt and it still ulcers but it wasn't too bad like no medical necessary no medical treatment but the brown recluses eat away at your skin right yeah yeah it has like it's an ulcer like it becomes a little ulcer oh but it can stay small mine stayed small um and then it went away after a while but apparently i had an infestation in my attic in nashville so when the exterminator came he came you know all like covered up he pulled the door down to the attic and all these brown recluses fell all over him all over Hundreds? Hundreds of brown

recluse spiders? I mean, I would say there were hundreds in our attic, but the amount that fell down was probably like 15 to 20. So you moved out. You have to move out.

I can't put everything you just said on the radio. Oh, I am out of there. If there is a brown recluse breakout in my attic... Just living up there waiting to pounce? That's like that movie arachnophobia they're all just in there nesting a lot of people reminding us what happened when vanessa encountered the spider in long beach oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god that was uh during the world cup i think i'm not exactly sure she's riding it like

she wrote that oh no it's pregnant spider gilbert what happened to you welcome to spidey bites on k-rock hi hi uh my father actually he uh he's in a garage in my grandpa's house and he woke up one day with terrible pain in his manhood i guess a spider bit him on his you know on his junk a spider bit his junk a spider bit his junk he said he didn't actually go to hospital either He did self-care. So what he did, he told me he went to the shower, and I guess he had, like, a big, like, pus or a big, like, lip boil kind of thing.

Oh. So he sliced it himself. He sliced it himself? He cut it himself. He did self-surgery on his manhood. Oh, my. Here's audio of this guy's father. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Dude, that is ballsy that you did that without going to a doctor. Gennaro, am I saying your name right? I can't possibly be saying that right. Sounds right. All right, nailed it. Yes, Gennaro, welcome to K-Rock High. Your phone is crystal clear if you want it.

We're right there with you, Gennaro. Let me say hi to Susie. Oh, boy, this is going to freak out a lot of women. I'm going to tell them, once again, a warning to everyone who is afraid of spiders, and that's a lot of people. You do not want to hear what Susie has to say. Go ahead, Susie. Hi. So I have curly hair, and, like, growing up, my grandma always used to tell me to comb my hair every day because a spider would lay eggs in my hair.

And I spent three weeks in New Orleans one time, and I didn't comb my hair for, like, two weeks. And my hair started to dread. and then I found out that I had spiders and eggs in my hair. Spider eggs in your hair? Yeah, and spiders. And also the accompanying spiders. The lovely spider couple that have moved in. Living in your hair.

Yes, like my hair will start to knot up and dread in two days because it's so curly. So, yeah, I didn't comb it for a while and apparently where i was staying there were a lot of spiders and nobody told me and my grandma was right wait so how did you find out that there were spiders that had laid eggs in your hair i started getting bites on my head like they started to hurt because at first i just thought like my head was itching right i hadn't washed it in forever whatever but yeah and then i started feeling like bumps and bites and so i had my son come through my hair and detangle me

and it took, like, seven hours, and I had spider heads. Oh, man, that's going to freak out a lot of people. And I guess it's the same process as getting lice out, right? You just kind of comb it out. I think you've got to burn your whole head off. You've got to shave your head. Shave and burn, because if not... Move bodies.

Hey, Gladdy? Close. Gladys. You guys are doing great with names this morning. All right, Gladdy, yes, go ahead. Hi, welcome to KROQ. Did you guys really think her name was Gladdy? I didn't even knew before I said it, it wasn't going to be Gladdy, but it's written here. So I assume maybe she goes by Gladdy.

This is making us not Gladdy. Gladdy, I'm sorry. Gladys, what is your story? My dad went out fishing with his buds in the ocean. I guess his jacket had a spider in it. It bit him about three times. They were drinking out there. Something happened.

And they brought him back to shore. The lifeguard saw all the open bottles and just said, you guys are drunk. Didn't believe them. Something was wrong. Eventually, when they did call the ambulance and he got to the hospital, they ID'd what kind of spider bit him. They hospitalized him for four days, suspended his license. And the doctor told them that the only reason he was alive was because his blood was diluted by all the drinking. Oh, save his life.

Who's the hero? If not, the spider would have taken him out. Wow. And do you know what kind of spider it was, or does he know? It was a black widow. Oh. Man. Yeah, we got a few black widow people on the phone as well.

Ruby, you got the black widow treatment? Yeah. I was bit by a black widow when I was six months old. That's the origin story. Yeah, that's a superhero. So you should be in Marvel. You should be in the universe. I know.

I think I have the antidote in me. Cool. I was in this bassinet, and so I started getting really sick, and I had a fever, and they rushed me to the hospital, and my toe was really fat and purple. So my parents went home, and they looked under the bassinet, and they found this big black widow. So I was in the hospital for about four months, and they had needles in my hand and everything, and my mom wouldn't leave my side. Have you tried to, like, stop time or fly or anything like that? Yeah. I feel like you may have something.

You may have the ability to do something. Do you have any special powers in real life? I tried to climb up the wall, but it didn't work. Oh. Yeah. I'd like to see a video of that effort. Maybe it's just her toe, and it's totally useless. Oh, man.

All the power to this one. My toe is so strong. It's one toe. It went to the market. All right. Well, there you have it. Spidey bites. What a successful round.

I wish we could get to the rest of these stories, including someone. I don't want to share the, there's a vagina spider story here, Allie. It will make all of your worst nightmares come true. No! But we must move on, because, you know. Before I throw up. Everyone's already saying, I'm out. I'm turning off the show for the first time ever.

I can't handle Spidey bites. Too much. I'm KROQ.