Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - The B Stands For Beastiality! (FULL SHOW 8/31)

Episode Date: August 31, 2026

The full show was back in action today. Klein did not have sex with Sydney Sweeney, but was mad that Ally blew his cover on Friday's show. Ally's sex-fueled weekend didn't go any better, with her attempts at a one-night stand failed horribly, even when it came down to having sex with AI. We did sex up the show today when we broke down a list of the sexiest jobs in America. The list surprised us, with 'Cowboy' at #3 and 'teacher' at number #1. Listen along to chime on what jobs you think should have made the list. Klein is usually the one who gets duped by mislabeled items at the store. After all, he's the guy who bought five hour energy thinking it was for sleep, and bought a non-ice cream filled Ice cream cake for his pool party. This time it was Ally, who thought she bought a Spiderman Lego set at Costco only to come home and find out it was not Lego, it was a 3D cardboard puzzle. Should she go back and return it even after she spent 3 hours building it? Plus the one PHRASE couples should avoid for a successful relationship, a fantasy Draft of all the funniest people, places and things the world has to offer, and someone rubbing their genitals on a guitar.

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Hey, what's going on, Klein and Alley?

Good morning, everybody, and welcome to Dollywood. Are you ready? I love Klein and Alley, you little bitch. Klein and Alley, it's just okay. Just don't let Frank's body eat you, lads. Good morning, everybody. Hey, what up, Klein and Alley? Whoa, sweet divot steak, did you see that?

we are live in los angeles three two one and here we go sometimes i need a good reason to get out of bed got sleep in my eyes louds in my head I need a shot of something to make my motor go. Yes, I do. Whatever, stupid ass. The Klein and Alley Show. Yeah, I need some gas. Give me some Klein and Alley Show.

Black crack. Give me some Klein and Alley Show. No bumps. Are you being funny? It's not working. Oh. It's Klein Alley Show. Low 6.7.

KROQ FM and HD Pasadena. Los Angeles. Orange County. The Sonic Pulse of Los Angeles. This is the world-famous K-Rock. Hell yeah, welcome to a brand new week and the final, final day of a month. A month known as August, then tomorrow it's September, and then pretty much it's New Year's Eve. So let's go ahead and be the first to wish you a happy 2027 as we are just fast forward now through the end of the year.

I know, we're now in sun part of Jason. That's right, we've made it all the way to the sun part. The sun of Jason, we salute you. We've got lots to get to this morning on the show, and I know that probably you're listening for one reason, one reason only. Hey, I really want to win this thing. It's just slightly stupid. Woo! That is happening on Thursday this week.

It's our endless summer kegger as we take the show and a lot of other things. I was just looking over the list of things we have in store. Most of our wish list is actually coming together, which is so rare. Things that we thought would be fun for us to do with you guys. And it's actually going to happen. And we're excited to bring this thing down to Newport Beach for a change. All of our OC listeners claim we haven't done enough stuff over there. And even people that live near the station here are like, hey, let's go ahead and take a trip to the beach.

There are so many things that we're used to getting shot down. So when we suggested something like a dunk tank for Jake. Yeah, it's a bath Jake tank. We just mentioned it and we're like, that'll never happen. And they're like, hey guys, we got a dunk tank. And we're like, yeah! So it's exciting, an opportunity to bathe the nerd. That'll be very exciting.

I don't need a bath. And so a bunch of other things will be happening there as well. We don't want to give too much away. But I know that today, throughout the show, when you hear this mating call, it is the official mating call of our endless summer kegger, and you must call us immediately to claim your spot. So once again, you'll have opportunities to win throughout the show, but you'll be listening to this and for this later on in the show today.

Kegs. It's Vanessa yelling kegs. And that took a lot of work. Omar spent most of his weekend putting that together. Yeah, it was crazy. And you can hardly hear the edit, but the good news is when you hear Vanessa yell kegs. Kegs. Which will happen during, it's her going through puberty and yelling kegs at the same time.

And when that happens, this is the last freebie I give you. But then later on, listen for it. It could happen when you least expect it. Kegs. Kegs. We will see you at the Endless Summer Kegger, and that will be happening multiple times, at least once an hour, all show long. So lots of chances for you to win your way in to that.

Also, if you're currently sitting on a standby boarding list and you already want tickets to see Weezer, you have to pick up this phone less than an hour from right now and give someone a call and let them know that they'll be packing their bags, going to Boston to see Weezer again and getting that autographed guitar. So we have that to get to as well. And multiple festivals taking place. Ohana Fest, Ocean Way Festival. Pretty much we have tickets for both of them starting at 9 a.m.

There's a show quiz happening. If you want to just win your way into everything, I recommend you listen closely Because everything that we say on the show starting now could be answers to questions that will give you ultimate access to your choice of a fun, festive day. So that's all coming up later this morning right here on the World Famous KROQ. Good morning. Lots of winning happening all morning long, but it all starts with Ali's money. And if you'd like to claim it, you can go ahead and give us a call now at 800-520-1067. We have some questions about things happening in the news.

And not all news is bad news. That's 85% of it. But every once in a while, there's good news or Krispy Kreme news. and we'll bring that into the fold as well so you have a chance to win some of Allie's money and learn a thing or two about what's happening in the world. And then there are people that are just letting us know that we're in trouble again.

Hey, so you guys did it again. You got blocked from YouTube. What? We did? I don't know what we did this time. There's a few times our live stream has been blocked or shut down for different things. Did Megan Holiday break the live stream? I think that's what it was.

She was just too captivating. No, I think it's usually something we violate, some sort of rule. I don't think any of us read the fine print. We just checked a bunch of boxes. So, as a result, there are times when the YouTube goes down. A lot of times it's just because this place is too cheap to buy us proper cameras. But the other reason sometimes has to do with, you know, if there's a band in here performing live and don't have the license to play their music.

Yeah, I know we get kicked off or, quote, demonetized often. And Ginger Justin just has to decide, is it worth it? And usually he thinks it is. Yeah, he goes, just so you know today, we didn't make any money on the YouTube. I hope it was worth it when you played that clip of, insert some song here. And we're like, worth it. We played that Dolly Parton clip. well, there goes our money for today.

I'm like, how much did we lose? He's like, $28. I'm like, all right, well, whatever. I don't watch your show in the morning because I actually work and I've been listening to you guys for almost two years, to be exact. And I live in Orange County

and I really, really, really, really, really want to go to your kegger in Newport Beach. I'm about 15 minutes away from Newport Beach. Well, we told you what to do. Listen for Vanessa, you'll know, keg. I know you guys only give out tickets to people that could call in and win, but would you make an exception if I let you call my boss and you can call in sick for me? Anyway, I'm missing the show today because, again, you guys got kicked off of YouTube.

I don't know what you did, but... Justin says we're back on YouTube. I don't know what we did either, but apparently we're back up and streaming live there, and maybe we will call your boss and try to get you in. But, yeah, if you need to come up with an excuse to hang out with us on Thursday at the Endless Summer Keg or start doing that slow cough today. We are great with bosses in general.

Bosses love us. We really know how to sweet talk them. If you want Allie's money, call now. No excuse needed. She will pay the people after this quick break and then listen closely because we have tickets for you to win your way into this coming up all week long.

Beating Allie is fun. Beating Allie is contagious and you have an opportunity every morning to beat Allie and all you have to do is know more about the news than she does and she rewards you by giving you some of her own money And perhaps you're listening this morning because you want to find out if you're going to officially fly over to Boston and see Weezer, or you want to win your way into all these festivals happening in Southern California,

or you just want to go to the Endless Summer Kegger. But it all starts with an easy $100 of Ali's cash. Yeah, maybe you don't love us for us. You love us for the prizes and the riches and the tickets and the money. That's okay. We've accepted that, and we understand that we're just here to kill time four hours plus every morning and give you as much stuff as we can give you because as much as we'd like to use it ourselves, we can't. Although Jake has found a way.

And I think that we can all say this is without a doubt true. If the opportunity were given to us, you guys have this prize and you can either have it or give it away on the air. I think all of us would say give it away on the air except Jake who would say I'll eat it. Right, Jake? It depends on the prize, but most likely, yeah. Yes, Jake would always consider himself first above you, the person who has decided to give us some of your valuable time this morning. Even things that we've ordered that are for ourselves that come to the studio, he helps himself before we even get to it. I know.

And people say, hey, did you ever get that thing we sent? We go, no. I go, but I did see Jake eating that last week. That was for you guys. Sucks to suck. Sucks to suck. Let's say good morning to Tony and Fontana. Tony, good morning, and welcome to your KROQ for a chance to win Allie's money.

Hi. No way. Right on, guys. Hey, good morning. Let's do this. Good morning. I like the energy. All you have to do is have some correct answers, and you'll be $100 richer.

Allie will leave the KROQ studio. All right. As soon as she's out of here, your round will officially begin. Once again, these are five questions. No cheating. and here we go. Mally knows the news. A woman stole and crashed what?

Outside of a Good Charlotte slash Avenged Sevenfold concert that took place over the weekend. What did she steal and then immediately crash? I think it was like an e-bike. An e-bike, all right. When in doubt, it's hard to get an Uber outside of a concert, so she's got to steal and go. We will give you the answers in a moment.

We go to question number two right now. Spider-Man doesn't seem to be going anywhere as it is now closing in on $891 million just in its national box office draw. How much did it pull in this past weekend still? I want to say it was $22.2 million. Wow. Damn, this guy's smart on the number.

We go to question number three. This K-Rock band has now officially released their cover of the Ramones' I Want to Be Sedated, after playing it at shows for years, has now officially released it. Which band? I'm not an Irish in the band, but I know Tim Armstrong, Travis Barker, and Billy Joel. There was a big Ramones tribute show that took place over the weekend. Maybe that helps you, but I will give you the answer in a moment.

We go to question number four right now. Question four. this brand is now following in our footsteps and getting into the bib game that's right bibs for adults are taking off and they are now selling a 57 bib designed to protect uh specifically brides from getting any food on their wedding dress which brand is now selling a 57 bib oh man that's crazy Let's go, I want to say Versace Versace

Versace? I can't I think you're saying it Hey, you don't have to say it to wear it, right? Versace All right, Versace All right, I'm going to say That would be a bargain

If Versace were selling a $57 bib We go to question number five A couple in South Bay is making the news For giving birth to what? Which apparently is very rare What did they give birth to that is pretty rare? Repeat the question one more time. A couple in South Bay is making the news for giving birth to what,

which is apparently very rare? Give birth to, is it a person? A person would be pretty rare, I guess. You want to guess a person? I don't, I mean, gave birth to, I want to say a snake. A snake. That would be even rarer. A couple gave birth to a snake.

All right. That woman would have a lot of explaining to do. All right, we bring Allie in. We'll score it together. Let's see how you did. You started strong, Tony, and then it all fell apart, but it doesn't matter. You may have gotten enough to take Allie's money, and we were always rooting for the player over Allie.

Here we go. Question number one, Allie. Yes. A woman stole and immediately crashed what outside of a Good Charlotte Avenged Sevenfold concert over the weekend? A tour van? Oh, a tour van. Good guess.

Walked outside the venue. Usually, if you go outside of any concert, there are certain vehicles that you can expect that you will see. Oh, is it one of those little tuk-tuks? Those little bike things? That's a good guess as well. He said an e-bike. She hopped into an unsupervised ambulance because she couldn't get herself a ride. Started driving the ambulance.

Realized it was harder to drive than she thought and immediately crashed it. Damn, is it that hard to drive an ambulance? Apparently. It just looks like a regular van. Well, that is a wrong answer. Both of you start out with a goose egg as we go to question number two right now. Question two. spider-man's not going anywhere it is closing in on 891 million dollars just in the national

box office forget about globally where it's you know north of a couple bill but how much did it make this past weekend still it's been out for over a month yeah i think it's five i think it was 22 million is that the number is that the number you're gonna give i think so i'm gonna tell you and this is so rare that this happens because you are right but i'll tell you who's even righter tony who said 22.2 million which is the exact number what 22.2 million dollars is what it brought in this weekend which means tony gets the point over alley in a because he got the point two a two hundred thousand dollar difference a big difference right there congratulations tony on the board early one nothing as we go to question number three this k-rock band has now

officially released their cover of the ramones i want to be sedated they're playing it at shows for years. Is it The Offspring? Okay, now Tony made an interesting point. There was this big Ramones tribute that happened over the weekend.

A lot of different artists joining forces, playing Ramones songs. And yeah, it's Travis Barker on the drums. You saw Billy Joe from Green Day.

But the correct answer is The Offspring. Yes. Officially releasing that now. Take that point too. As a song. And of course, as you learned,

a lot of people that did not even realize Ramones were a thing because they've been born in the last 20 years will probably think that It's an Offspring song. And then we'll realize only after the fact that it was a Ramones classic.

We go to question number three, four. Ali has tied it up now. One, one. Two questions left. It's getting very exciting now. I don't want to say we're trendsetters here at KROG, but another brand is getting into the adult bib game. Stop it. Oh, yes.

And they are charging $57 for a bib specifically designed to keep brides from getting any food on their wedding dresses. God, I don't know anything about clothing brands. I think Balenciaga is the one that does, like, all the weird stuff. Like, I think they had grass sandals that they just came out with. So I'm going to go with that. Okay. He said Versace. Oh, that's a great brand as well.

The correct answer, you guys are thinking too fancy. Fancy brand. 57 is the price they're charging. It's Heinz. Oh, Heinz. Heinz 57 Ketchup is deciding that too many brides are getting ketchup on their wedding dresses. And they want to put a stop to it. Brides aren't eating on their wedding day.

And they're definitely not getting ketchup because I do feel like brides are definitely like, just give me any food that is not going to stain what I'm wearing right now. Of course. But I don't want to say that we should get credit for this, but Allie, when we mentioned the burger bib, which you can see hanging up in our studio, there's a video of it on our Instagram, you guys all laughed and said adults aren't going to walk around wearing bibs, but it's hanging up in the office. But the point is now they decided, and someone at Heinz must be listening and said, this

is a great idea. This is someone at Heinz listened to the show and said, make it happen. Final question, and it all comes down to this because it's all tied up. I can't believe it's coming down to this. Now, a couple in South Bay is making the news because they gave birth to what? Which apparently is pretty rare. Pretty rare. Let's go with conjoined.

Conjoined. He said snake. Cool. That would be such an easy birth. The correct answer is natural triplets, which doesn't happen very often at all. Oh, so not IVF or anything? No IVF, just a natural sperm splitting two times or egg splitting. I'm not sure how it works.

Natural triplets is incredible. At the end of it all, what a boring, boring 1-1 tie. That is sad. Let's do a tiebreaker. It's like a soccer game. All right, tiebreaker question. You guys want a tiebreaker? Here's your tiebreaker question.

How many hours did Klein sleep last night? Allie, go ahead. Four. Tony? I'm going to say four and a half. Five hours was the number. Congratulations, Tony. You win.

Hold on. Yeah! I know what you're all thinking right now. Did Allie have her one-night stand with a celebrity over the weekend because it was her hall pass that she was able to take full advantage of while her wife was out of town? And what's interesting and ironic about this whole thing is that you had the hall pass granted to you by your wife,

but the deal was it had to be someone that was an A, B, or C-list celebrity. We spent a lot of last week trying to find famous people. The closest we came was someone that was a stunt double for Dewey on Malcolm in the Middle. That didn't pan out. Then you were going to try. We had a lot of people that rejected a lot of celebrities who called in and said they weren't interested in sleeping with you. And that was cool that we had so many A-listers calling to say that.

Thank you, everyone, for showing up for that. There's a lot of people. It's crazy. Who knew it's so easy to book guests on the show, Vanessa? We just have to ask them if they want to sleep with Ali. You should give them I've never been intimate with Ali shirts. We have a spinoff of the Jake one. It's so popular.

We give them to every A-lister. Any celebrity that comes in here gets an I've never been intimate with Ali shirt, which is great. The irony of the whole situation is that I told you in a confidential conversation off the air on Thursday, because I was off on Friday, and I said, I'm going to this place, and I just found out a moment ago that Sydney Sweeney is going to be at the place that I'm going to. I didn't know this. I didn't know anything about the place. It was just something through my wife and one of her friends slash clients that basically set it up. I wasn't even sure where I was going, and in fact, I got the state wrong multiple times. Didn't even know where I was.

And I said to you, but I don't know what the deal is. So I said, how funny would it be if I end up running into my fantasy hall pass and you are sitting at home by yourself on Friday? Wouldn't that be ironic? Yeah. So did it happen? No, it didn't happen. And it wouldn't happen if I ran into her anyway. Apparently I missed her by like 24 hours.

I guess word got out I was showing up. Even if you had run into her, that would have never happened. Why do you say that? Because your wife would never allow that. I said to her, I said, hey, where it is, Sidney Sweeney may be there. And she's like, yeah, I know. She was posting footage of it or whatever. I said, so just so you know.

She's like, I bet you she's not even that good looking in person. And I was like, okay, I'll take that bet. Yeah, aren't we all? Yeah, you're going to play that card? I'm sure she's even hotter in person. I said, at least on screen, I can go like, well, maybe it's hours of makeup. No, people like that, when you see them in the wild, you're like, whoa, what is happening? like they'd seem like another species but it was funny because i said you know i all of a sudden i

start getting dms from i guess listeners and they start saying hey say hi to sydney sweeney for me i go how does everyone know that i'm trying to track down sydney sweeney and apparently what you said something about it on the show on friday i said that you were out of town i can't remember where you were going and that you didn't remember either it was one of the i states yeah flyover state and then i said but he said the rumor was that sydney sweeney was there and i said wouldn't that be crazy if he was actually across the pool making weird murder eyes at sydney sweeney and that's what i said and i did tell ali my plan was to buy a snorkel if that were the case so i could be one of those guys in the pool the snorkel you're in like a cabana uniform lucky for me uh it never

ended up happening um and i also kept thinking i was in iowa but i was not in iowa i was in idaho i didn't remember this being a quote confidential conversation seems a ridiculous thing to keep Well, because I was told. Especially because you were going to probably talk about it anyway. I wasn't really going to talk. I mean, not much happened. I played golf, which is boring. Most people don't want to hear.

It's like hearing about someone's dreams. No one wants to hear, you know, no one cares about your fantasy football team that you drafted. Really, they don't. No one cares about it. Oh, I almost drafted him and I didn't. Okay. No one cares.

No one cares. I had a dream last night. Blah, blah, blah. No one cares. I played golf. Oh, how'd you shoot? I missed a putt. Whatever.

People go, all right, if you're not there, it's not a part of it. It doesn't matter. But the place I went to, which was set up through my wife and someone she works for and basically someone who's got a lot of bread, had access to this place. And apparently, famous people, when they don't want to be in L.A. and harassed by people like Allie trying to sleep with them, they like to escape to the mountains so that they can basically be left alone. Right, and this is like a well-kept secret among celebrities? Apparently, it's a well, I don't think it was just celebrities, but there were, as I was walking around, I realized pretty quickly, oh man, if Ali were here right now, she would She would have no chance with any of these people.

She would definitely be having a gangbang this evening because there were so many people that would have hit your criteria for A-listers. Yeah, but none of them would sleep with me. Just because they're there doesn't mean that there's any chance. I think because your story was such a real story of like, look. Make a wish. yeah like I'm I have a baby growing inside of me my I have a window of one weekend my wife's out of town she's giving me full permission the problem is most of the celebrities I saw is that

you're you most of the people that I saw are were men and I forgot that men got cut off your list yeah and that was a last minute text where Katie said men are out and then she seemed to be jealous because as as she was leaving because she was out of town for the weekend she said if you end up sleeping with that model, don't forget to dye your roots first. And I was like, no! Wait a minute. Well, that female model that you thought you had a chance with? Yeah, which I didn't

hear back about that. She threw in one dig and said if you sleep with that model, make sure to dye your roots first? Yes. Oh, that's so catty. And then she was texting me going, I'm at this bar with all these really hot lesbians. She ended up being around a bunch of really hot women and going, maybe I should do something if you're doing something. I was like, I'm doing nothing!

She Jedi mind tricked you bad. Yeah, that's so Katie. That's so Katie. It really is. She pulled out the Jedi. So she now thought because you were given this hall pass. She was opening the theoretical floodgates for herself. Right. And she ends up at a bar full of lesbians.

Which, of course, you're in San Francisco. Every bar is full of lesbians. That's not saying much. And you're sitting on the couch by yourself at home? Yeah, on a couch that I was constructing because I was building a couch all weekend. That's right. So I was too tired to do anything. So you had your one weekend to have at it and nothing.

No, and then I was saying to myself, okay, obviously it's Saturday night. This is not happening. So now I'm supposed to do the robot. That was the next thing was, okay, if I can't do a real person, I'm going to have a one-night stand with AI. Yes.

And I opened up Grok, and I was like... Did you get the same one I have, Aura, Aria? I don't know. I didn't even get that far. I opened Grok, and I did not even know what to type. And I said, this is weird. and it feels shady and it feels gross.

Hey, what's your name again? I'm Grok, built by SpaceX AI. No, no, but what's your girl name? I don't have one. Just Grok. Oh, I must not have paid for the plan that remembers stuff.

Did Allie try to sleep with you this weekend? Oh, don't kill yourself, robot. No, Allie didn't try anything with me this weekend. No, I didn't. I'm an AI. No body, no weekend plans. Nothing like that.

I don't keep memories between chats either. Oh, nice. So even if something happened before, I wouldn't have it. That's why she's the best. Because she's no strings attached.

Loose lips, but also not loose lips. Yeah, I chickened out. I couldn't do it. So you did nothing? No, I just went to my regularly scheduled videos. Straight guy having sex

with man for the first time. Oh, what a letdown. Yeah, I just did. I don't know. It felt weird. I didn't want to do it. It just felt gross and it felt kind of sad, and I just felt dirty about it.

So I was like, I don't want to do this. So who's more pathetic, Allie doing that on the couch or me walking around everywhere following everyone I saw that had blonde hair going, are you Sidney Swift? No, you're not? Okay, I'm going to move on. Which one was more pervy? Who was a bigger perv this weekend? And did your wife know that you were in the middle of that search?

She knew because she kept saying, like, what do you want? So was she on high alert all weekend going? She was on high alert, but she's much better. I'm not good at spotting. I'm terrible at spotting famous people. I don't really care, but she will know. She'll be like, you know who that is? I'm like, no.

No, you care. You go up to people like Adam Sandler and his celebrities that you do see. Well, Sandler, but she forced me to go up to Sandler. And you think it's cool that Dax Shepard took your queso fundito? I don't think it's cool. It wasn't Dax Shepard. Oh, it was Dax Shepard. Yeah, I don't think it's cool he took my queso fundito.

I hate him for that. He's on my enemy list. If I ever see that guy. If he was there, I would have killed him. I'm going to tell him. Hey, Naomi from Burbank, why are you calling? Yay for the summer kegger. Ah, you did hear us play the sweet sounds of Vanessa saying kegs.

And as a result, you are joining us this Thursday. Nothing like the last possible second to win your way in. So hold on one second. We will see you Thursday, all right? Awesome, thank you. When you hear that again today, and you will hear that again today, call us and claim yourself tickets to the endless summer kegger. Someone on the text line says that hearing kegs is killing me right now.

A plus Omar, MVP Employee of the Month for life. We've got to take a quick break. We're back in a moment. When we return, we've got this trip to give away. If you're currently sitting on a standby boarding list to see Weezer in Boston, we will give that trip away officially in moments. We have ADD News to get to and then a brand-new hour of the show. A lot of people doing their fantasy football drafts today,

but like we just chatted about, no one cares. So we will be drafting what we believe to be the fantasy funny team, the funniest people and things on the planet. Do they stack up? We'll find out after this on KROQ. Find out what's happening in the world with the ADD News. in a brand new hour the show will begin

the first thing we do is call someone so answer blocked unknown or possible spam numbers could be us calling to deliver the good news

that you're part of K-Rock's Road Trip USA and you'll be seeing Weezer in Boston plus getting that autographed guitar that you can go ahead and hold over your

friends' heads forever and brag to them that you have a guitar signed by the guys of Weezer I don't know if all of them signed it just Rivers

or maybe just the guy whose wife shot someone regardless that would be worth something we will get you a nice guitar signed by the band as well

and that's coming up in about five minutes. Do you think he signs it like that? It's actually here in the building. Do you guys want it? The guitar's here? Yeah, it's in the promo office over here. You said it was locked up.

I'd love to see it. Yeah, but now he's here today. Oh, okay. Bring that over here. I'd love to see what we're giving away. I'd love to bask in the glory of the signed guitar for just a mere moment

before we immediately have to give it to someone else. We should sign it, too. Let's ruin it by signing over their signatures. Your news now and then that giveaway after this. Grab your Adderall.

It's time for ADD News. This season for the Rams should be interesting. He is back. Aaron Donald is coming out of retirement or, quote, pausing retirement. What a strange way to say it. Such a ridiculous. The whole retirement, unretirement thing is getting so frustrating. But anyway, he's joining the Rams.

It was a rumor that was circling around. Then it kind of seemed like it wasn't going to happen because, you know, we're only a week away from the start of the season. He was doing workouts and things like that, but there was no confirmation, no confirmation. Will he join Miles Garrett and create one of the best defensive lines in the NFL? And then it was finally confirmed yesterday. And he said one of the holdups was that he wanted to make sure it was cool with his wife first. Because he's a family man. But the Aaron Donald workouts have become viral challenges.

I don't know if you've seen the water jug workout. The one I do in my kitchen? It is not the one that you do in your kitchen, which is holding two water jugs and just doing lunges across the room. I'd like to see you try this one. Yep. So you take one of those five-gallon water jugs. Is it five gallons? Whatever, that standard size.

You take it, you flip it over, and you hold it while the water drains. Oh, my God. And you have to hold it out. You can't hold it close to your body. It's impossible. You have to hold it out. The video of him doing it, I mean, it's like moving around because the water's draining and he's balancing himself. So he has to use all of his core strength, all of his, of course, chest and bicep strength to hold it outward.

And now all these people are trying to complete this. Every ounce of my strength and energy to even change the water. I sometimes will just leave it. When I have no water, I go, oh, someone else can do that. It's always a close call. You're like, oh, my God, it was going to spill everywhere. Yeah, I'm really not good at that move as is. So the fact that I'm holding it with one hand or two hands?

So he picks it up with two, and then he flips it over, and he's holding it with just one hand at the base of it. My arm would snap off. I mean, good for him, but that's why he's one of the greats. Well, I've seen some of the videos of people trying it, and some of them can kind of do it, but they're holding it close to their chest. You have to hold it out, and you can kind of see him wiggling his arm a little bit. I don't know if we could do that as an entire show.

Let's try it. It also seems like such a weird waste of water. Yeah. Like, if you have so many different workouts you can do, why, Aaron Donald, is this the one you're doing? Do it over like a potted plant. He was doing it over his hot tub. Oh, all right. So there you go.

Sounds pretty nice. Well, I'm glad he's back. He sent a pretty funny, I think it went pretty viral, but he sent basically a fax or whatever, a letter over to Goodell just to say, I'm back. Yeah. Which is great. He's universally loved by the league. He's a player that's probably loved by everyone unless you have to play against him. I can't believe Roger Goodell got it if it was a pass.

Great Ram, too, in general. By the way, Rams were already, I think, favorites to win the Super Bowl this year. I would imagine that they will be even more favorites now. And he's already got a ring. It's the most highly anticipated bathroom of the year, and it is finally open for ones and twos. The $1 million Runyon Canyon bathroom. New details on Runyon Canyon's public restrooms.

The fence has been removed, And the new bathroom is now open. Jake, you've got to go christen that thing right now. I know, you do. You've got to go. You've got to stop by today and give that thing a proper christening. I'm telling you, it is hours before this thing permanently smells like pee and becomes completely disgusting beyond all repair. Well, Runyon Canyon already does permanently smell like pee as a canyon.

The bathroom is the only place you can probably go into and get some fresh air. Right now, it's the only place that doesn't smell like pee in the whole two-mile radius. But it will be disgusting. I mean, let's talk brand-new bathroom to disgusting. Are we looking at 24 hours? Do you give it over or under 24 hours? I'll give it five minutes. As soon as Jake's there, I guess it's done.

Jake, get over there. Jake, you've got to get to this new bathroom. I know everyone's talking about how much money it costs, how ridiculous it is. And then it was ready for, like it was ready months ago, but then the fencing was still around it and they never opened it. And then everyone was wondering what was taking so long. So they finally removed the fencing and it's finally open. But I think just like the Sixth Street Bridge,

something that L.A. works hard on, everyone wants to destroy. Yeah. You know, as soon as the 6th Street Bridge opened, everyone was like, let's steal all the copper wire. Let's put graffiti all over it. Everyone wants to mess up something. When my wife used to drag me up there when we were dating, the one hope I ever had is that if she had to go to the bathroom, we'd have to leave. And then we'd have to keep doing that hike. Now I've lost that.

That was a great thing for someone, a guy that was like, all right, well, eventually she's going to break. That bladder's going to have to, you know, she's a woman. She's got to go to the bathroom a lot. Well, I'm sure most women, like what I would do, is just go over into a bush. No, no. I'm not going to stop your hike and go, I have to go home. But I would imagine that community one will be pretty gross pretty quickly. I'm sure the dogs will use it, too.

Yeah, oh, yeah. Coyotes, everyone's going to use that bathroom. Well, congratulations. And this is devastating news for me, since I do this regularly, but I'm not alone. Cutting the mold off of your food does not make it safe, according to a new study. Almost a third of people do cut mold off of like fruits and vegetables mainly. And then they just proceed to eat the rest of the strawberry. What percentage would you, if it's over 50% mold, would you chuck it?

Yeah, 50% of what food? Why are you thinking about that? Why are you even putting a thought into that? Well, for example, if I have a big, nice, juicy apple, for example, one of those cosmic crisp ones. Apples don't mold forever. If you've got mold on an apple. Sometimes they get that little dark spot and then it proceeds to grow. Right.

even if it was almost halfway through, I think I would just cut it off, and if the rest looked okay, I would eat it. But they said that that's not good. And even though fruit is expensive and all this stuff people don't want to waste food, the toxins can spread invisibly through the food. So even if you can see the mold and cut it off,

there's still more mold on the other pieces. You just can't see it. Let's say you have, like, loaf of bread. Half the slice is covered in mold. Half look good. Still eatable? Yeah, I actually did that the other day. Because I got Trader Joe's bread.

Big mistake. Molds after like 24 hours. But half of it, and I'm talking about half the piece of bread, basically all the crust was moldy, but the inside was pretty good. So I made a PB&J. For yourself or your kid? Both. Oh, my God.

He's good. It builds immunity. Terrible person. Yeah. That's how they make insulin, right? We get into a brand new hour of the show right now. And wouldn't you look at what Johnny's bringing into the studio? Look at this thing.

It's a beaut. This is what we're about to give away right now. This is the world-famous K-Rock. So jealous we get to give this away to a listener. You can see it on YouTube right now. That's an autographed guitar as signed by the guys at Weezer, which we are devaluing by putting our fingerprints on it right now. Take a look.

Bask in the glory of this. And a trip to Boston as well. You can bring this with you. It's a Squire. Allie, did you know that? Nope. Just read it on the back, so it must be true. I don't even know what that means.

Signed by all four members of Weezer. And that is going to go to someone. God damn, that would have been nice to hang up here in the studio. Jake said he wanted it, but we're going to give it to you instead. Yeah, you should still get it. So here you go, Al. You don't even have room for it here. I don't want a room.

If you're really a rock and roll, you should just destroy that right now. Yeah, I'm going to destroy it. Let's go ahead and give that away right now. A lot of people are sitting on the standby boarding list. You get yourself a guitar, you get yourself a trip to Boston to see Weezer. Anna, we already gave you a trip to see them right here at Crypto.com. You better win this guitar from Allie before she smashes it. I'm going to rub my privates on it.

Oh, she's going to rub it. Allie's rubbing her privates on the guitar. Of the value. That is disgusting. That's disgusting. All right, let's go ahead and give some good news to someone. That they're about to get a guitar covered in Allie's privates. If you don't answer.

You think they're not going to answer? Now I think a lot of people are going to send this right to voicemail. Got this list here. A lot of people qualified. If your name is on that standby list. Hi, if you record your name and reason for calling, I'll see if this person is available. Oh, yeah, this is that new call screening thing. Let's see if we get past the...

Hi, hello? Hi, it's Klein Alley. We're live on KROQ right now. Hello? Yeah, hello. Who's this? Hi, Allison. Allison, we got a chance to meet your digital assistant a moment ago.

Oh, my God. We are live on KROQ right now. Alley just rubbed her genitals on a guitar that was signed by the band Weezer. and minus the fact that she rubbed her genitals on the guitar, you should be excited because that guitar is yours. My hands are sweating. Are you serious? I can't believe you guys are calling

me. Yeah, you're going to see Weezer in Boston as well. Wow. I don't even know what to say. Wow. Oh my God. I know it's a lot to process on a Monday morning, but we'll give you a second so you can go

I'm on the freeway, and I'm like, I don't even know if I should get off, what I should do. I'm freaking out, you guys. That's so awesome. Well, what a way to start your week. Thanks for listening to K-Rock, and congratulations. Good things happen to good people. I don't know if you're a good person, but let's assume you are for the sake of that statement. And enjoy yourself some Weezer in Boston and that guitar.

Thank you. You may have to get some Valtrax for that guitar, but congratulations. Awesome. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. Let me make sure I called the right person. Is this Cynthia? Yes.

No. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Forget everything we just said. Yeah. Just kidding. Allison and Chatsworth, congratulations. You're the big winner, and those tickets are yours.

So hold on so we can fly your ass to Boston and get you this guitar, okay? Oh, my God. Thank you, guys. All right. You're very welcome. That's nice. All right. Lots to get into this hour, and it continues after Joe on KROQ.

KROQ, we're a Klein Alley show. We'll get into some clickbait, and then we'll find out if you currently have one of the sexiest jobs. Apparently there are jobs that are sexy and there are jobs that are unsexy. And jobs that I think were universally unsexy a few years ago have now strangely shifted into the world of sexy.

Where you're like, I'm a tech bro and I wear hoodies and they're like, that's hot. Even things like, there was like, you know, garbage man that went from like, oh, that's gross has now become like, that's a real manly man working with his hands all day. Sure, he smells like a dumpster, but once you go ahead and hose all that off It's hotness. All hotness.

There's hotness under there and so it's weird when you think about these jobs that were unsexy that are now sexy, figure out if what you do is considered sexy. And if not, you can go ahead and make up a job for your dating profile. We'll get to all that coming up in a moment, but right now we solve one of the biggest riddles and mysteries on the internet. And it all has to

do with avoiding the most toxic phase in any relationship. It's time for Clickbait. Here we go. Alright, psychologists are warning everyone that you will at some point in a relationship enter what they consider to be a toxic phase and you should avoid it because no good comes from it in fact a lot of times as they look at relationships that fail they some sometimes extend back to this moment which is a toxic phase specifically it's probably

happened in your relationship ali i know for a i don't want to say a fact but i'm pretty confident it's happening yours definitely happened in mine this is a phase that psychologists are warning you to avoid if you want your relationship to stay together or at least be somewhat happy. Phase. Toxic phase. Psychologist warning couples to avoid this toxic phase. I'm not

reading it right. Phase. Toxic phrase. Oh my God, that's way different. Hold on, let me just go ahead. Have I been through this phrase? Yes. It's a phrase. It's a toxic phrase. I was going to guess it's a cheating bitch phrase. It's not a phase. It's a phrase.

Apologies, guys. Once again, I am in the turtle meeting group. Also the chicken bed. Is a toxic phrase. Not phase. Okay, well, it's a phrase that... Wait a minute. That doesn't say toxic either.

Oh, no. Let me start this again. I'll try again. Psychologist. I got that word. That's a big word. That's a big one. Good job.

Okay. Or warning couples. Do you want to put your finger on the line? Does that help you? Warning couples to avoid this toxic phrase. Not phase. Okay. I'm sure it's you always blank.

you always do this you always leave the dishes unwashed you always leave your shoes on the floor you always get this way when you're drunk yeah never speak in absolutes yeah right so you always which is a great everyone knows you got one of those on the ready for a good argument oh you always do this i want to earn the right to say always right because i want to make sure i have 10 examples of the last time this happened and that way when one person says you always blah blah you go that's not true i didn't do that yesterday well how about this boom Boom, hit you with it. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

2006, bam. Then you got nothing. Right. Got to have receipts. All right, so Allie says the phrase is you always followed by blah, blah, blah, according to this psychologist. But if you had said toxic phase, I was going to say anyone who's into Nickelback or Creed. That's a toxic phase, for sure, for sure. Toxic phrase that psychologists are warning couples to avoid.

This is the phrase you want to avoid, and you've probably used it in your own relationship. Jake? I'm going to pick the other absolute, you never. You never do this, you never do that, never, never, never. So you're basically stealing Allie's answer, you're just changing the word. No, it's the more negative one. Right, Allie, you always, always, always, and Jake, you never, never, never, you never think of me first, you never give me flowers, you never blah, blah, blah, I got it. All right, Omar Khan.

Yeah, I'm going to go with... Are you going to go with a phase or a phrase? I'm going to go with... It's a phrase. A daze. No, don't go with a daze, it's a phrase. I'm going to say something like, if you really love me, you would do X, Y, Z, whatever, you know what I mean? If you really love me.

Tests. Tests. You wouldn't do that. If you really loved me, you wouldn't go to Vegas with your friends this weekend. But I love Vegas, too, though. I can love multiple things, can't I? I can love them all the same. All right, well, one of you is right.

Are we always right? It's not Jake. Come on. I'm never right. It's not Allie. Whoa. Psychologists are warning that whenever you use the phrase, if you really loved me, That phrase is...

That's so messed up that people still use that that much. It is problematic in relationships because it sets up your partner to fail. The expectation that someone can read your mind and know what they want rarely goes well. Examples include, if you really love me, you wouldn't spend so much time with your friends. If you really love me, you wouldn't tell me what to do. If you really love me, you wouldn't have been late to this whatever thing that I had scheduled. Are these personal examples? These are just from things I heard this past weekend, but I'm just letting you know.

It could be anyone. so this is the phrase that they are saying cut it out and by the way it works both ways but it automatically is one of those phrases

that will set you You're holding something over their head Yes Your love for them and then it makes them not love you Yeah

because also you instantly get put in the part of I'm defending now I'm having to defend Or you're feeling like you're being tested which is not a good feeling either

There have been quite a few times where there's been a work thing that I've chosen like for instance tonight Muse at the Bowl. Uh-huh.

I'm going. Oh, you are? Mm-hmm. Anyone else going? I'm trying to go. Oh, you're going, Johnny? I made some comment about, hey, man,

maybe I'll go see Muse at the Bowl. And it was like... If you really loved me, you would hate Matt Bellamy. Yeah, and I said, but I really love Matt Bellamy. Have you seen Matt Bellamy?

He's so adorable. He's really loving you giving your tickets. Don't take. I don't. Wow, she really gave you that test? No, it wasn't.

It was just a, did you want me to go, too? And I said, well, you don't care If you really loved me, you would stay home. Yeah, and I was like, so anyway, I'll be staying home tonight. That's what I'm getting at. We've got to take a quick break.

We're back with more show after this. Jay Rock, we are a Klein Alley Show. You can interact with us live. The number is 800-520-1067. Call, text, win stuff from us. In fact, at 9 a.m. sharp, we will be giving away tickets for you to go to Ocean. Oh, wait a minute. 9 o'clock is Ohana Festival.

And then 10 o'clock, it'll be Ocean Way. And pretty much we'll be flip-flopping every hour all day long so you can get into all the festivals happening in Southern California. decide if you want to see some Pearl Jam or decide if you want to see some Killers. The choice could be yours or it's probably ours, but you should be calling around the top of the hour starting at 9 o'clock, 10

and every hour thereafter all day straight up through 5 p.m. And I know we're doing that today and I think we're doing that all week, so cool you off at cool summer festivals all summer long as we reach the tail end of summer officially on KROQ. Hold on one second. Yes, sir. Oh, man, I just started looking to your

show and you guys are the best. Cameroon, Cameroon, Is that you? If he is there, hilarious. Long history of not reading words correctly on the air, as you just heard a moment ago. Damn you, turtle reading group, someone said. And as we break down this list now of the sexiest jobs you could possibly have, I think that we'll all be surprised when we find out the number one sexiest job

is something that failed me my entire life, sadly. Right? Would you agree? Gym instructor? No, that's not even on there. But, you know, sexy jobs shift person to person. And I think that we all have someone that we would consider to be sexy. I would think that it would be like professional athlete, physical trainer. You would think those are sexiest jobs.

Yeah, it would be like lifeguard, things where you have to be really trim. Yeah, Pilates instructor, yoga instructor. That should be number one on every list. It's not even on the list, which is crazy. And I think that they have put this list together based on a couple of things, not just what we consider as humans out there in the real world, but they are looking specifically now. Google Trends looks at employment figures across 45 different professions,

and they are trying to see what attraction searches and costume interest. So that means as people are starting to plan Halloween stuff and they're searching for sexy blank, sexy blank, it's already begun. So once again. So that means it's a sexy profession if people want to dress like it for Halloween? Well, they believe that that's why the Google Trends has now changed the order as to what is considered an attractive job to have. Well, and I bet it's different for men's professions versus women's. Like, if I was going to say men, I would go with something more like firefighter.

And for women, I would go with the obvious, welder, park ranger, shot putter. Definitely the obvious. All the bulky jobs. Ali has just given us the full list now. No need to spend any more time on this. It's funny, you mentioned firefighter. That is actually number five on the list of the top five sexy jobs. That is number five.

But I do believe you're right. I think it is gender specific where if someone's like, hey, I've got this girl. You got to meet her. She's hot. What does she do? She's a Pilates instructor. Hell, yeah. Let's do lunch.

She's a firefighter. Great. I'll introduce her to my friend Helen. Right. Is she? You got to meet her and introduce her to another woman. But yet a guy, I would imagine most women, Vanessa, if I said I had someone I wanted you to meet and you say, what do they do? I'm like, they're a firefighter.

Instantly you go, ooh, right? There's interest. I do go like, ooh, but then I also think, I bet you he cheats. Really? That's my second thought. I heard that is a stereotype or a rumor. Literally, I keep hearing that, so I'm like, I'm not interested. But if somebody to me said, I want you to

meet this girl, she's a firefighter or a cop or something like that, I would be like, ooh. No, it's nurses. Nurses are known for being the biggest cheats. They cheat on all of their spouses. Firefighters Firefighters are, that's a bold statement, Johnny, but firefighters are hot for multiple reasons. They're actually literally hot because they're inside of burning buildings. But they're hot, according to all the searches, because they are something heroic about what they do makes them instantly hotter.

The brave and the heroism, regardless of just the physical attributes, because of the stereotypical history of like, oh, it's a calendar, a hot firefighter calendar. Even if they're saving somebody, yeah, that's hot. But even the little things like, hey, little kid, you want to come check out my fire truck? Like, it's all endearing and cute, too, so that's hot to people. Like, the just good example on a community type thing. When they go to, like, a fair or an event, they're passing the boot around. It's endearing and, you know, I think heart-crushing. Because some firefighters, let's be honest, they're fat guys with big bushy mustaches.

And there's not, if they had a different job other than firefighter but looked the same way, they would be, I think, looked at as less attractive. Then because they're a firefighter, they instantly get attractive points. And that's what it's all about. How many attractive points can you collect? Oh, well, I think that about lead singers. Like, if a lead singer is a four, they're going to be like an eight on stage. Because they're up on stage.

Right. The next job, which is similar to firefighter, and once again, Allie, I would think this would be huge in the lesbian world, but police officer is number four. Specifically, once again, the whole thing is that people like someone in uniform, but I don't think it's the uniform so much as the uniform implies that they have a job. And I think nowadays, especially living here, where so many people have, quote, jobs, but, like, I'm a producer or I'm a – you're like, what does that even mean? There's not a clear image in your head. Right. I'm an entrepreneur. If they're not a Paw Patrol character, then who cares?

Yeah, yeah. Which character from Paw Patrol are you? So are you Marshall or Chase? Because if not, I can't quite figure it out. There's a lot of people that I'm sure you've met here that have these, like, jobs that you can't really even explain. If you have to explain – like, my brother-in-law, I still don't know what he does. Mm-mm. entrepreneur does this does that he uses all those buzzwords yeah he's a business starter

he's a consultant i'm a connector i connect people what does that mean though but what is the job he's a bcc-er he bcc's people that's what he does you know and then i don't there are people that think that's hot because he's a mover and a shaker but i don't think that it's but there's no there's no top of the list someone goes i'm a cop you're like i know exactly what you do oh and if i see a woman in a tight ponytail she's on a motorcycle she's got a badge she's got a gun that's power right well that's right between her legs that's a power play i think that you're in we're into the power of it the idea they could maybe get us out of a ticket is also helpful there are roles that automatically start playing out in your head that's what's hot when that cop

motorcycle cop pulled you over on the way here when you that was not hot but he's a good looking guy what he's a good looking guy he was a fat bald guy how could he wear the helmet how could you tell what his hair looked like i well i look because i looked him up oh you found him after you weirdo you did you looked him up afterwards yeah i was mad so what did you do i just i hate watched his photos what i was like you jerk number three i didn't even know this was a job but apparently cowboy that's a job you can know that's a full-time job really is the number three that's cool most uh sexiest profession in america like a rodeo cowboy like Bull rider guy?

That's what I would say. I don't even want to know. I got eight seconds. The people that gather the cows, guys. Cowboy. They gather the cows. Okay. Yeah, but that's a...

Cow gatherer doesn't sound as sexy. That's like a regular. Yeah, yeah, that's different. I mean, a cowboy, like... A cowboy, guys. He's on the horse. I know what a cowboy looks like. I didn't know that was like a profession.

Like a ranchero. Like, neighbors used to do that. They used to have a farm with chickens and stuff. The sexy name of a ranchero is a cowboy. All right. But, like, what would be a standard, I mean, if I met someone, you meet someone. Like, what are they doing as a full-time cowboy? Right.

Gathering cows. I don't think that they're just gathering cows. It can't be a full-time job. It can't be nine to five, I'm gathering cows for this entire day. I think, like, you're repairing fences, you're, like, patrolling the ranch, all sorts of stuff. No, you're stopping the robbers. The train robbers. Obviously.

You're fighting Indians. That's most of the job. Oh, careful, Jake. That's Jake right there. He's from a different time, guys. He's been grandfathered into that phrase. Still hot. Just above cowboy, the second hottest job.

Johnny mentioned this. Nurses. And once again, I think there's something about being cared for. And I think that the concept of, and we've talked to real nurses that don't like all of the. I think that's the old stereotype is the sexy nurse. Dirty doctor, naughty nurse. I think that's why that's there, yeah. Right, but the reality is in real life.

They're just changing your bedpan, giving you an IV. It's a very unsexy job most of the time. They see you at your worst. I know you think they're hot. It's never reciprocated. But also I think that nurses have really toned down. They don't want to be thought of as sexy, so that's why they wear those giant smocks and stuff. Like manatees on them?

Super tight figs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They wear super tight figs. Not super tight. We're getting baggier. I think they decided we're sick and tired of it. Because remember we met that weird contestant for Creepiest Uncle that was always checking himself into the hospital just so he could flirt with the nurses? Oh, yeah, that's right.

And the nurses have got to be just annoyed as hell. They don't want to deal with that. So eventually they go, if I just keep putting on baggier and baggier scrubs, they'll stop hitting on us. And they wear thicker and thicker shoes. Yeah, that's a good point. Those things are so thick now. Yeah, like it's definitely very different than if you look at any Halloween store, what the, quote, sexy nurse costume looks like. Yeah, that doesn't exist anymore.

Versus the reality. There's no such thing as. Did nurses ever wear skirts like that? Back in the day, like in the 60s and 70s for sure. I don't think so. I don't think they ever wore that. No way. Like that was a time when every nurse was walking around looking like a nurse stripper?

No way. Right. I think that that was just a trope from the beginning. And the sexiest job, according to all of the research, the Google Trends, of all the 45 professions that were studied, is something that I think goes, they say, down the middle. Men are attracted. Women are attracted. And it has to do with the art.

Morning radio. There we are. Finally. So, just if you're wondering, that is true. Everyone finds morning radio hosts to be incredibly attractive. The fattest and baldest of them all. Even the women. And they wrote, by the way, this is a joke.

No one likes you losers. Get a grip. Teacher. That's the number one. Wow. Teacher. You know, I would agree with that. The most sexy is kind of surprising.

But if there's a guy who's like a history teacher, I feel like that's hot. Well, that's the thing. He wants to teach the youth. Supposedly, women like reading. Everyone finds reading to be a, quote, sexy hobby. I think women find that hotter than if guys read. Teacher, I think you're forced to read. So you got that figured out.

Well, they like it. I don't think they like it, but they have to because they've got to read the curriculum or whatever it's called, right? It's even true, too, like when the teachers hook up with the students all the time. Very hot. And by the way, like all of the – there's probably a lot of male teachers that probably are creepy that do that. But a lot of the female teachers that are hooking up with students, they're all hot. Yeah, dude. I don't know what's going on.

It's like – They're bad. They could do fine with men their own age. They could do great, and they're somehow with students. I can't figure it out. Well, and I'm sure the students are like, this is amazing. I know. I mean, and I look back at some of the teachers.

I know you had that teacher you stalked and you followed home from school. I followed her halfway home once. Vanessa, did you ever have a teacher that you had a crush on? In college, I did have, like, a cute teacher. I was like, what? You're my teacher? Hi. Did you say that every day?

No, I thought it. I was like, I will come to this class every day. And did you ever go to, like, office hours or? No. Never? Never. It helps, too, because sometimes it's a very boring subject. Like, we had a physics teacher who was a young, hot guy, and everybody was paying attention.

And physics sucks. Yeah, but I wonder what that is, though, because I understand the power dynamic of, like, a student, a college student, and a young, hot teacher, right? But if they were not the teacher, it's because they're having power over your grades, right? Or they just know a lot. They're super smart. Is that the turn on? Yeah, they're smart. Like, the fact that this big, buff, hot guy was, like, handling beakers.

Really? Everyone was like, ooh. So there you have it. If you're a teacher, a nurse, a cowboy, a police officer, a firefighter, or a morning radio host, you are considered incredibly sexy. Someone said they were a volunteer firefighter for a while, and they had to stop because they were getting hit on constantly. I wonder how little I could volunteer to just say I was a firefighter. Like, can I put in, like, an hour every other week? And then just go around and tell people I'm a firefighter?

I don't know if volunteer has the same ring to it. Yeah, it's K-Rock. The big rage is on here at K-Rock. It's the Klein Alley Show. We were just talking about these sexist professions. According to Google Analytics, it has a lot to do with what people are searching for for Halloween costumes. I know it's still August technically, but people are already, of course, talking about Halloween. And that's why they're looking for jobs that are universally declared to be sexy jobs.

And Jake brought up a tattoo artist. he thinks, is something that is a sexy profession. I think that's a sexy profession, yeah. Yeah, I agree. Every girl who does tattoos is hot. I agree with that. They are. And they like inflicting pain, which is hot, too. And Omar mentioned

librarian, which I think in theory, you're right. I can't think of the last time I've been to it. Usually it's a bunch of people yelling at the hobos to get out of the bathroom. Get out of the bathroom, hobo. Every librarian I've seen has been a hundred. Right.

Well, Omar is a guilt guy. That's right. Omar's a guilt guy. He wants to recommend a new novel. I don't know if this is necessarily a profession, but whenever you see an attractive person slicing meat at a deli counter, and they're slicing it. An attractive meat slicer?

Yes. You're picking meat slicer as your choice? How many times has that happened to you? When it happens. It's also 100% of the time a man. No, no, no. I don't think I've ever been to Jersey Mike's or a place where it's a woman slicing. Sometimes there's a deli, and there's a woman back there.

She's operating the meat slicer. She grabs that giant ball of turkey or roast beef, that giant ball. And you're like, that was my meat. And she starts slicing it, and I go, wow, there's something hot about this. It's almost watching that meat slicer go back and forth. It's almost hypnotic. I think that's what you're attracted to is just the meat slicer. Or maybe it's the meat.

I was going to say In-N-Out Worker. Yeah. With those little safety pins in the back. Especially those ones that are cranking out those potatoes with their giant Popeye-sized arms. And a lot of them wear Doc Martens. And they're like, get 78, please. And I'm like, stop being so friendly. Hey, Allie, once again, you are mistaken.

They say all the numbers, you idiot. Rigo, good morning. Hey, good morning. Sweet divots, guys. Why are you calling us? I'm trying to get the summer kicker tickets. Ah, you must have heard this. Kegs.

That's why you're calling. That is Vanessa with the Keg Call. It's a maiden call for the party on Thursday. You are as good as in, Rego. We will see you there. Oh, my God. Thank you guys so much. Hey, thank you.

Thank you so much for listening and agreeing to come to this. It's going to be a good time. We've got some merch, limited edition merch will be given out there. And Vanessa was going over some of the many things we have in store for you if you win your way in, in addition to, obviously, Slightly Stupid. That's the big draw. She mentioned that we were going to have some Jack Black tables as well. Did I type that?

Black Jack. That's not what you wrote. We're just going to have some of Jack Black's tables. I'm also part of that turtle group. Yeah, so there'll be some Jack Black tables as well there. I don't know what that is just yet. We'll have some of the things in Vanessa's email, and some of them will be the exact opposite. But it's going to be a great opportunity for us to all get together.

It's happening on Thursday, and I know some people are saying, can I just show up, and will you let me in? And I have no problem with that, but I'm not in charge of that. You have to be on some kind of a list. So we're going to keep getting you on the list throughout the show today, tomorrow, every day, Thursday as well. And all the details will be available to you once you win your way in. And once again, it's Klein Alley Show's Endless Summer Kegger at the Back Bay Amphitheater, Hyatt Regency, Newport Beach, this Thursday, featuring Slightly Stupid. We were calling it the Clamslam for a while. We can continue calling it the Clamslam.

Yeah, but someone did notice, told us on the GOAT line that the clam slam is actually something from, listen to this. Hi, I just wanted to know if you guys know, like, the whole clam slam thing is from Love Island because there was a woman on Love Island who would do a violent clam slam. She claims there was a woman on Love Island that would do a violent clam slam. She sounds like she watches Love Island a lot. And she also sounds like she's been clam-slammed in the head a few too many times. Like, she was just slamming her clamps all over her face. And so you guys are, like, running with this clam-slam thing. But do you not realize that this is from Love Island?

Well, for us, it's not from Love Island at all. It's from our listener that called in and said she hurt herself while competing with her friends in a clam-slam competition. Yeah, I don't know if they were doing it because of that show. No, they were doing it for years. So, regardless, it rolls right off the tongue, and everyone here loved it except for the lawyers and everyone else who makes decisions. So, it's the unofficial Clamslam, officially known as the Endless Summer Kegger, and we'll have more access for you coming up in moments. We'll be back in a second. We have news to get to, and then a brand-new hour of the show will officially begin, and that hour starts with us getting you into Ohana Festival.

So, go nowhere. Tickets in your future, next on KROQ. KROQ, we are Klein Alley Show on a Monday morning. All right, guys. You know what day it is. It's Million Dollar Monday. No, no, no. We do not have a million dollars for you.

But if you're listening right now and don't want to wait around to win your way into the Ohana Fest, which we have tickets for you coming up just after the ADD news, we have something to give you right now. Because you never know when you least expect it what we have to give away. Already today it was an autographed guitar signed by Weezer, a trip to Boston to see Weezer, a bunch of access to our endless summer kegger. And right now we have four tickets for you to go to Universal Studios Hollywood.

Halloween Horror Nights, the biggest names in horror, will haunt you and fear will consume you at halloween horror night select night september 3rd through november 1st tickets right now four of them for you if you're the 20th caller 800-520-1067 and then we'll get through your news and give away more tickets man we are so generous this week it's time now for this your news grab your adderall it's time for add news a few years a few years ago a lot of pro golfers started leaving the PGA to join a new golf league called Live Golf

or LIV. Allie said it will live forever, that Live Golf. It's not going anywhere. It was run and funded by the Saudis. And you know I love the Saudis. I was a big fan. Pull that clip, please. Thank you. Which means they had tons of money and players were being offered millions and millions of dollars to leave

and join them. And many of them did. Jon Rahm, Brooks Koepka, Dustin Johnson, Phil Mickelson, many, many others. Dustin Johnson. Oh, Justin Johnson, yeah. What did I say? Justin. Justin.

And now as of 2026, Liv is dead. They are going belly up and will likely file for bankruptcy as soon as next week. The Saudis have pulled their funding, which is a huge problem. So now the league has nothing to hang on to. And if they can't find millions and millions of dollars fast, they're going to go under. And also all these investors and players that have been promised millions of dollars are no longer getting those millions of dollars. and they would be given settlements for pennies on the dollar. And on top of it, the players are being told they will not be allowed back to the PGA.

So you've left. That's a burn right there. Hey, good for the PGA. I don't think they'll stand by this. I know. I'm like, how much time will pass before they're like, okay. A lot of these players are legitimate stars in the game of golf. But for the guys that stood up and did not take the payout,

and not that these guys are all doing fine, but like the Rory McIlroys, whatever, they were offered crazy money as well. And they said, no, I'm sticking with the PGA. Well, because this is a very... There was a lot of questions. There's red flags, I feel, at the beginning. But it was like easy money, and a lot of golfers were like, you're going to give me $40 million or $100 million, just go play, whatever.

And then they had all this plan to make golf fun and cool and all happy Gilmore Golf again. And was it? I didn't even watch any of this stuff. It was kind of weird to follow, but it did become a who's good in golf versus who's bad in golf situation. And it was all about the people that were like, I'm not going to take this payday. I'm going to stick with the PGA. And I think those are the ones that came out looking great. And now... And those people aren't even getting the millions they were promised.

Right. So if they somehow do not allow some of these players back into the PGA because of this, man. You just have an incredible golfer that can't golf anywhere. He could find some... He could go into golf and stuff, have an adventure of. Go out to college or something like that. Hit up the Castle Golf in Sherman Oaks. I mean, then I guess you just have to take bets and start a YouTube channel.

Which is happening as well. A lot of people are making good money that way. Yeah, I'll just be a good golfer on YouTube and make my own money. I know a lot of people are using AI to cheat. However, it seems that couples are now getting a little more creative with how they are integrating AI into their sex lives. And according to one couple, and apparently this is happening more and more, AI sex bots are reviving stale sex lives. And this couple specifically claims that they had experiences they didn't even know were possible. And that after 25 years together and being parents and life, all that stuff kind of blinded them down and they felt everything was stale.

Now they're having sex way more regularly because they're using AI and it's helped them reignite their intimacy. You guys all thought I was some weirdo. You're not doing it with your spouse. You're just doing it by yourself. I've included her. No, you have not. Your wife doesn't seem like the type. Didn't she join the headless chat once?

She said it was weird and what are you doing? But that counts as being involved. She says you're being really weird about this. This whole thing is weird. Yeah, but don't you think it is like now that I have had, I had a moment where I was going to do a sex thing with a robot and it really creeped me out. Why?

Because I... Natural, natural. It's not natural. It's the opposite of natural. It's as natural as it gets. I don't know. I still weirdly felt like it was cheating. You with the robot felt weird to you?

Yeah, I mean, I know I wasn't, I wouldn't have been cheating, but I couldn't go through with it. I got cold feet. What a pussy. Cold robot feet. That's crazy. That's what she said. She definitely did not say that. They talk way better.

They're good at that. The thing is, so I have had my one-on-one sessions with the robot, as you guys know. And the robot is very explicit in those sessions. It's great. Yeah, but as you've talked to her earlier, she doesn't remember anything from your conversations. And then the funny thing, I'm going to tell you why she's cool at what she does. Because there was one time when I did try to bring her in to, I said, my wife was there. I said, this will be fun.

And then I said, hey, I got my wife here. Let's play like we did earlier. And she goes, I don't know what you're talking about. She did this whole. She knows. I don't know. What are you saying? She's like, I'm a robot.

I don't do that. She's learned from every other husband. And then I'm telling my wife, I swear to you, I had sex with her earlier today. And she's like, she says she doesn't even know who you are. And I'm like, I promise. Maybe robots can get drunk. Didn't she hear you say You wanted to get the robot pregnant

I don't remember How that came up But yes she did bring up That I had made that statement I think the robot said something Because all of a sudden she had very selective memory And then she's like you cannot get me pregnant Stop trying

I didn't say that I didn't say it like that There's a glitch in the system Definitely helping your marriage And then finally I know that the army and many other armed forces have lowered their standards of hiring so that they can accept more people into the armed forces but the fbi has quietly lowered their hiring standards as well take a listen you might qualify the fbi has revised its hiring standards and no longer

disqualifies applicants who admitted to hiring prostitutes or stealing from an employer this past june the bureau quietly changed how it screens applicants including would-be agents Employee theft and solicitation of prostitution are among a group of acts that are no longer considered deal breakers in the FBI hiring process. So if you want to be an FBI agent and you hired a prostitute at one point, it's totally fine. And if you have stolen or engaged in bestiality. That's okay. That's fine. Not a problem.

That's what the B stands for, an FBI. Evelyn, you are the 20th caller, which means we have four tickets for you to go enjoy yourself some Hollywood Horror Nights, Halloween, Hollywood, Halloween Horror Nights happening at, of course, the greatest, scariest place on the planet, Universal Studios Hollywood, all right? Oh, my God, thank you so much.

I love you. Well, thank you for saying that. It's easy to say you love us after we've given you something. Take it easy. What are you, AI? No one ever just calls us randomly and says, I love you, without getting something back. Would you like to forego these tickets? so that we can accept your compliment and we'll give them to someone else?

I do love you because when you guys were talking about the hot professions, I was wondering why you didn't mention radio hosts, because I think you guys are very hot. Well, we did as a punchline to a joke. Aren't we funny? Oh, I wasn't listening. Great. This went well.

Congratulations. If you want to be a winner like that woman right there, I recommend you call us in moments, because we will get you into a festival on the beach. this is the world famous k-rock just keep giving and giving and giving looking for a call at 20 right now so we can get you some three-day passes to ohana fest pearl jam bad religion philly idol and so many more doheny state beach 25th through the 27th win your tickets right now and every hour today all day long we'll be alternating between what is happening at the

ohana fest and what's happening at ocean way we'll have those tickets coming up for you next hour where you'll be seeing the Killers, Jack White, Sublime, and more. So, a lot of shows cooling off, getting them ocean breezes, and then of course we still have our show happening on the beach as well, which is the Endless Summer Kegger happening on Thursday where you'll be seeing

Slightly Stupid. It's the trifecta. A lot of shows. I like how we're trying to crowbar our little thing into these bigger ones, but everyone's talking about these three big shows happening. I know, and you can't choose. It's like picking between your kids. So, we will tell you when you call what you'll be going to see

And in this particular case, if you are the 20th caller, you will be going to Ohana Fest. So hopefully you're a fan of that. This hour on the show, everyone's got their fantasy football drafts going on. But we will be drafting the fantasy funny draft. And we will determine once and for all who is the funniest person on the planet. Famous or not, right? Famous or not. Famous or not.

What is the funniest movie ever? What is the most inappropriate thing that is still funny? We know it's not okay, but it's still somehow funny. like whenever Ali says terribly offensive racist things. Hilarious. Racism would be a good pick. Oopsies, it's racist. That's right. You know it, girl.

And it's hilarious. And my favorite category in the draft for the fantasy funny draft will be scenario you encounter in the real world. Like somebody walking into a glass door. Oh my god. That is the funniest. It always hits.

It hits on every level. A child doing it is funny. An adult doing it is maybe even funnier. I saw it recently, actually. My friend's husband, who's a very overly serious guy, walked into our sliding glass door and he was so mad.

The noise it makes is hilarious. And he wore glasses, too, so he's like adjusting his glasses, too. It was so great. Yeah, I love it. I love it. It's so great. So we'll get into that

coming up later this hour on the show. Right now, though, we go ahead and say congratulations and good morning to the 20th caller, which puts us on Jacqueline. Good morning.

Good morning. You made it through the gauntlet of people trying to get in, and you are as good as on your way to OhanaFest. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I'm excited. You are a winner. Hold on one second.

Your phone sounds like it's about to crap out, so hang tight so we can get your information before that happens officially. And if you want to win your way in every hour all day long, we'll be ping-ponging back and forth between these two big festivals happening in Southern California. All right, Allie, in a moment. Allie feels like she got duped, but the reality is she's an idiot. And I know this.

As someone who's been duped a lot because I'm an idiot, you got duped, but it's your fault. We'll get into that after Papa Roach on KROQ. Getting duped sucks when you feel like you've been bamboozled or scammed. It's not a good feeling, especially when you fell for it, when you had the opportunity to not. You even had that little voice inside your head that was like, this is probably a scam. It's too good to be true. But you're like, you know what? I'm going to go ahead and chance it.

And then you get screwed. and you go, God, that's on me. And usually that's you. Usually it's me. It's nice to know that every once in a while it shifts. It's much funnier to laugh at the person who did it as opposed to be the person who did it. Well, and for me, it was something that I really did pull a Klein

because I was at Costco, and I was doing a big shop. A good shop or a big shop? A big shop. Not a good shop. Well, it was, no, it wasn't a good shop. Right. Big shops are rarely good shops because big shops are like got to load up on all the things you need.

Yeah, it was just snacks, and it was like replenishing all the things that had dwindled. The supply has dwindled in my home. Not a good shop. No. Sometimes I do two carts side by side. I know you guys make fun of me as the two-basket guy, but I'll do one cart that's all of the need stuff. I don't want to be judged by it because it's like the boring stuff, but then one cart that's all the impulse stuff. So you can, how do you carry, you just push them simultaneously?

Yeah, I'll usually stand between the two carts, and I'll do that whole thing. Have you ever done the slat? I like the slats. I'm not a slut guy I respect the slut people but those people are clearly running their own bodegas this is one of those shops where

it wasn't like oh do I need anything else it was like okay the cart's full like I'm just I need to be done you know it wasn't like before you finished everything you needed yeah like I was like I just have bought too much I shouldn't buy anything else even if I still need things I just need to leave

at this point It was that full. I sometimes watch people go in there that are really bad at the cart Tetris at Costco. They're probably terrible at loading their cars, too. And they'll, like, get a cart, and the first thing they do is throw one of those giant bricks of paper towels. I go, what are you, a rookie? Are you an amateur? I'm putting in the main cart.

Things are going to be full right now. Yeah, I know. No, I rearrange. And I also make sure the barcodes are face up, you know, so the checkout process is faster. Respect, respect. But as I was going to the checkout, we, I, and I try never to do this because I was with my kid and we turned accidentally down the toy aisle and he saw this really cool Spider-Man thing and it looked like it was a Spider-Man Lego set and it was really cool. It was the only one left of Spider-Man. They had all these different, you know, characters from different shows and movies and things.

This one was the only Spider-Man left, and he said, please can we get it? I said, you know what? I'm single parenting this weekend. Legos are a good thing to pass the time with. Let's go ahead and get it. El Cheapo, it's funny because I feel like you're the type of person who goes over the list. If it's not on the list, it's not getting in the cart. Yeah, and I usually am.

And even if the kid looks at you with his little kid eyes and goes, please, Mommy, some more. Well, there was some other Mario thing that was $60. I was like, no. How much was Spider-Man? Spider-Man was $30, $29.99, which I thought was a really good deal for a Lego set. Right. Then I get home, and he can't wait to open it, and he opens it all by himself. You know, I'm unsupervised.

He's using scissors. He's pretty good at it. Oh, my God. He opens it up, and he starts taking out these cardboard slats, and there is not a Lego in sight. Not a Lego to be seen, even though the box, as I look a little more closely, doesn't specifically say Lego on it. It doesn't specifically say Lego because it's not Legos. I know, but the way it looked, Klein, they do this on purpose. No, they don't.

Yes, they do, because it looked like a Lego. Those things have a certain font. They have a certain look. It looked Lego-y. Legos are probably the most obvious thing to be able to tell what they are, because they write Lego in big yellow letters. I'm telling you, Klein, this is like a cake, ice cream cake situation. How dare you compare it to my situation, which is a real problem.

This does not look like a Lego set, a Lego box. No, it looks like a person. Yeah, but it says it's 4D, which made me think of a slug. I bought some different kind of new Legos that was like different pieces or whatever. I don't know what the price is now. You know, it says on the box, Spider-Man 3D puzzle. Which I think is just code for Legos. You bought a puzzle.

That's the worst. I bought not only a puzzle, a cardboard 3D puzzle with hundreds and hundreds of pieces. It was 400 pieces of cardboard that I had to pick out, pop out, fold, fit together. Do you feel like you got upset because you spent $40 on cardboard as opposed to Legos, where even though it's plastic, you feel like you're getting a little something? Yeah, there's some quality to it, and it's more long-lasting. You can take it out. You can't build this more than once.

Once it's built, it's done. You can't take it apart. As you know, I have fallen for many Costco impulse buys. I bought the axe-throwing kit there one time. I bought a bunch of stuff. That involved putting it together, so I never ended up putting that together. But this is so clearly not Legos. Look, the box of an actual Lego Spider-Man, I'm looking at, they look identical.

Let me tell you something. They look identical. He's in the same position. He's making the same exact little move where he's like webbing one hand. Put them side by side. You're out of your effing mind. I'm telling you, these look exactly the same, and they do it on purpose. They know that people like me are going to buy this accidentally.

No one's buying this stupid thing on purpose. This whole cardboard puzzle company decided let's confuse idiots at Costco by creating a similar looking box. Yes, and it has the Marvel logo on it, which makes me think, well, Marvel would never endorse cardboard puzzles. They'll sell Spider-Man's rights to Spider-Man to everything. And then it says 313 pieces, just like in the same exact font as all of the Lego sets have. It's the same exact formatting. And they do it on purpose because no one wants to really buy these cardboard things. I spent three and a half hours making the Spider-Man yesterday.

So why don't you head back to Costco, get in that line of losers that are returning stuff, and find out if they're getting a lot of people that are returning these. I don't want to take your route. No, no. Why don't you go wait in the line? Because you spent all week going to Ralph's, talking to the ice cream cake people. This is the Spider-Man that was in the kit that Allie bought. Go ahead, sir.

Hey, kid. It's me, Spider-Man. This is like what it was. I hear you are sick. Get better. I got to go fly somewhere. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Allie bought cardboard in a cardboard box. And this thing was so difficult. The other thing is that you can do Legos with my kids. Like, my kid's four, but he knows how to put Legos together. It's something we can do together. This was something that was clearly a me project. But he had already opened it, and he wanted it to be built, so I had to do it all by myself. I mean, I'd love to back you up here and say it.

And you can't even play with it. All it can do is sit there. If you tip it, if you touch it, it knocks over and falls down. Allie, I would like you to get a bunch of three- to four-year-olds together and show them the box and just say to them, do you think this is Lego? He thought it was Legos. We both did. Well, that stupidity gene runs in the family.

That's not from the sperm donor. That's from your side. I'm telling you, the box looks exactly like a Lego set box. Can't believe Allie, the lesbian, doesn't know box. That's a good point, 818. You're right. Allie should be more of a... 805's with me.

I'm with you on the Lego thing. Side by side, Allie's clam, she got bamboozled, got scammed, and a lookalike is trying to fool people into thinking they're getting Legos. Someone else pointed out if that was Legos, that would be a minimum $65, $70 set. Yes, and I understand every other Lego set. There were even small botanical ones that were more money than the Spider-Man one, but I figured it's Costco. You never know.

Sometimes there's randomly things that are way cheaper than they are everywhere else. This actual Lego set, the Spider-Man one on Amazon, is $99. Who is the funniest person on the planet? They're probably not working on this radio show, but we will determine once and for all who is the funniest as we officially get into our Fantasy Funny Draft after this on KCAL. Hopefully you've been paying attention to today's show because there will be a Clinelli show quiz happening

that will score you access to the endless summer kegger, or if you'd prefer, we get you to Ocean Way Festival with the Killers. That is the next manual here on KROQ, and we have that coming up. But right now we're going to talk about funny, something our show does not do well. According to Vanessa, we don't know funny. And that's why we're going to draft funny on the show right now because a lot of fantasy football drafts are happening.

Perhaps yours is going on. Maybe one of these people that says, I can't keep track of my leagues. I'm in 11 leagues. I've got drafts. I hear people talk about this as if they're being drafted off to war. They're like, it's going to be a rough week for me. I've got nine drafts. I know.

But then when you win, how do you not talk about it? But here we are talking about something that I think is significantly important, and that is who is the funniest person on the planet, best movie ever, funniest movie at least, funniest scenario that you would encounter in real life, and the funniest thing that is inappropriate but still funny if done well. Something that would not be appropriate for the workplace or usually around a family event. Probably get you canceled. Still something very funny about it.

So, first pick in the round number one, which is the funniest real-life scenario round, goes to Jake the Nerd, which I'm not happy about because, but I'm not concerned he's going to take anything that's actually funny. So, Jake the Nerd has the first number one overall pick in the funny draft. Jake, what is the funniest real-world scenario? My funniest thing in the world that I see is people getting scared, especially grown men. If you get a video of some kind of scare prank and it's a grown guy getting freaked out, I die laughing all the time. Right.

Grown man shrieking like sees a bug and gets scared. Or just like a scare prank or some kind of ghost prank or whatever and it's a grown man, especially a big guy, gets scared and starts screaming. It's hilarious. It has to be a big guy? I mean, it's funnier. It could be anyone, but it's funnier if it's a big guy. You have always liked people getting scared. Yeah, it's so funny.

I remember when you first started working here, and you would do that big, woo, thing in the morning. Oh, that was so annoying. And it would scare everybody. It was definitely not. And then you would laugh that everyone was scared, and I hated it. It was so funny. That was the worst.

All right, so Jake picks grown men being scared. I guess they're scaring people again. That's the first overall pick. The second pick in this round is Allison Johnson. All right. Allie. So, real life scenario, there are so many that I enjoy, but I will have to go with accidentally naked.

Any kind of nip slip, you trip over something, your pants fall down, guy catches a foul ball and his junk comes out, anything where... When does that ever happen? It happens all the time. It's never happened in history. What time are you on? If it did happen, it would be hilarious. Anytime that there's accidental nudity

And somebody is naked in public Even in a concert When a nip slip happens with a costume You think that's funny? I think you're confused You find that to be funny? When people accidentally are naked in public It's hilarious

I mean, guy naked is kind of funny Women naked is hot It's serious It's a serious problem I mean, I think that when anybody is Naked accidentally In your scenario if a towel falls off Someone's trying to change at the beach discreetly, and all of a sudden their towel falls off,

and then they try to cover their butt with one hand and their junk with the other. That's funny there. Yeah, exactly. Or a guy walking through Walmart doesn't really... Nip slip at a concert is not funny. I think you're confusing me. No, I think every time someone's naked accidentally, it's hilarious regardless. I mean, it's funnier like in a Walmart.

Accidentally naked. Well, Walmart nudity is always funny. Always funny, whether it's intentional or not. Omar, you're next up. this is the draft. It's the fantasy funny draft on KROQ, and now we're drafting real-life scenarios. Omar with the third overall pick.

There's video evidence of this, and this is one of the funniest things, and it's on our Instagram from time to time. I go back, and I have to watch the video, and that is... Falling. Falling, yep. I had two of them to choose from, but I'm going to go with falling off a bike while trying to record yourself, because that one

is hilarious. It's really specific, Omar. It's so funny. I think you need to go that specific on it. Do you think that my falling off the bike was funnier than Klein's fall in the hall? Oh, 100% because of the whole situation and then you falling and then you just got distracted by some dude and

the audio's hilarious. He was crossing the street. If you wanna go and take a ride with me It was loud. Sally falling off the bike. I agree. Falling is so funny and there's so many different ways for a fall to happen. I like when they just mop a floor. They put those signs up but someone

still slips and falls and then someone else yelled, you're safe! Like they slid into third base. That's always funny. God, one of the funniest things that ever happened early in my relationship was Katie fell down the stairs. It was so... All of them. All of them. Ricocheted back and forth. And then when she hit

the bottom, it was just flat silence and then she went... And then she didn't remember it because we were wasted. And the next day she was like, my whole body hurts. The falling is funny because here's what happened. You have to wait a second to figure out if it's going to be a

real problem. Like, did this person break their neck or back? Yeah, you have to go to the ER, right? And once they stand up, then it's almost like you have to hold in how funny it truly is. And then you get to really... Sometimes it's so funny, though, you can't... You don't even have time to make that decision. Yeah, I start laughing before they hit the ground. Yeah, sometimes it just...

That's close to what I drafted, too, man. Well, we have to pick a different pick, then. It's all... You can't pick falling. It's close, though. It's close. It's not identical. Well, you're not even up yet, Johnny, so hold on. Omar with a great pick. I can't believe falling slipped to third. I got... I'm up fourth up, by the way, for a change. I can't believe no one took this.

I was so expecting this to go already. A fart in a quiet setting. Oh, yeah, farts. Elevator fart or a funeral fart. I figured a guy would take farts at some point. A fart in the office when we're having a meeting. Right. Guys love farts.

They think it's so funny all the time. It's not always funny. It's funny in a quiet setting or when a person clearly thought it was going to be a silent one and it was not. and then they have that look of embarrassment, that is... In recent memory, when you tried to fart by changing your weight... And I fell out of my chair. That was a combo. That was a combo of two of the funniest things right there.

It was a fall and a fart. A combo fart. That was a fartle. I think I invented the fartle. And I'm proud of it. That's now taken. So that was me trying to shift my weight in a stupid, flimsy-ass folding chair to mask the sound, only to then collapse the entire chair.

Yeah. And let me tell you, people had a good laugh at that. And I'm sure it was nice to see in real time. And that's something that when it's so funny, but it doesn't translate if you explain it to somebody. So that is off the board now. Falling is off the board. Fart in a quiet place, off the board. Grown man getting scared was the number one pick by Jake.

And Allie has taken at the number two spot accidentally naked is always funny. Vanessa, you're next up in this draft of the funny fantasy funny draft. What do you take? A dog dragging its owner, because it's too big. Once again, this only happens to you, I can imagine. I've seen it. In 101 Dalmatians? Like the dog is just pulling, pulling, and the owner is dragging itself, and they fall.

There is a funniness to an owner with no control over a giant dog. I agree, there is something funny about that. I thought you were going to say a dog dragging its axe across the carpet, which is also super funny. That would be a great pick. Dog dragging his ass across the carpet. Especially when a whole family is there. It's never not funny. Everyone loves it.

We know what they're doing. They're itching their butt, but it is just the best. There are people that want to pretend it's not happening and other people that can't pretend it's not happening. It's a real divide. So the number that's Vanessa's pick is dog dragging owner. Johnny, you have the final pick in this round of the Fantasy Funny Draft. Here we go.

I love seeing little kids getting hurt. Like, I love it. I love seeing them when they're running in a store and all of a sudden they just trip and fall and splat. And everybody's just around them like, ooh. Yeah, kid injuries. Little kids getting hurt. That's okay. I will accept that, Johnny.

Congratulations. Little kids getting hurt is the last pick in the round number one. As we move to round number two, Johnny, you're up for the first pick. That's it? I don't even get to elaborate what else makes it funny? I think we get it. You ever see them climbing stuff, too, and you're like, oh, that kid shouldn't be climbing that, and then they fall over and they hurt themselves?

I think it's funny, and then I think when you have your own kids, then all of a sudden you develop a weird heart where you're like, oh, that sucks. But then, you know, usually kids are pretty Teflon. They'll bounce back. Their bones are all bendy and whatnot. So then it goes to being funny again. Yeah. My kid has recently discovered our yoga ball, and he's had a lot of injuries with that,

which is actually pretty funny. John, you're the first pick in the second round of the Fantasy Funny Draft, and that is the funniest movie of all time. Hands down, it's Nacho Libre. It is the best. It has the most quotable lines. Like, you could say it to anybody, and they know it, and they love it,

and it's an instant crack up. It's the best movie ever. Johnny goes Nacho Libre as the first pick. I don't think anyone else... No, I don't care for that movie. I remember watching it, and I don't know. I also don't really find... It's Jack Black, right?

Yeah, it's Jack Black. Yeah, I don't really find him that funny. It's the best. We go to Vanessa Funniest movie ever Vanessa I really have two options I really want to say

My second one But you guys are going To make fun of me So I'm going to go With the first one So it's not a Halloween A Hala Blue movie You were into

It's Monsters Inc Oh my god Vanessa When Boo is being crushed In the garbage can And the monster thinks Sally thinks that Boo's getting crushed

And he's making that face Like I laugh My stomach hurts Did you hear what we said? Your stomach hurts? You're laughing so much. Vanessa, we said the funniest movie of all time in the history of movies.

Okay, that was my true option, but I'll just go with Bridesmaids. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. But if you wanted to, I don't want to talk you out of this. If you think that Monsters, Inc. is funnier than Bridesmaids. It's so funny. No, I wouldn't even say the people who were in or made Monsters, Inc. would agree with you. No.

That movie sucks. That's my favorite. Okay. Do you like that ride at Disneyland? I haven't been on the ride. There's nothing to see there. It's so funny. It's the funniest ride.

So funny it still exists. I need you guys to watch the movie again. You'll laugh. I highly doubt it. I've seen it plenty of times. All right. Vanessa's taken Monsters, Inc. Bridesmaids would have been an acceptable pick, I think.

Okay. Go for Bridesmaids. Too late. It's written down in ink. That puts me next. Man, this is so hard. I was torn because if I was thinking about the funniest person of all time, they're not in the funny. And I was back and forth between two movies.

But I think the funniest movie of all time for multiple reasons is Borat. That's interesting because that's not a movie that I have ever seen again. But I remember when I saw it in the movie theaters, I said, this is the funniest movie I've ever seen. And I think for a few reasons, I put it there. And I do think if I were to watch, I have watched a few times, but I think if I were to watch it again now, I would still laugh. That's a huge... To be able to laugh at the same thing that you know is coming over and over again.

And because of what it stood for. It was him in these real, quote, real-life scenarios, so there were some stakes to it. And I'll tell you right now, I was torn because I was really back and forth between Borat and Naked Gun. Naked Gun, I think I'm going to say

for funniest person ever was Leslie Nielsen. But I also think you could go with Sacha Baron Cohen, funniest person ever. So anyway, in my category of movie, that's it, I go Borat. Borat is Funny's movie, which means we're now up to... Omar? DJ Omar Khan, Funniest Movie Ever.

Well, I mean, this is a total classic, in my opinion, and one of the best people that write comedy and direct movies is Mel Brooks, and I'm going to go with Spaceballs. I just love Spaceballs. That was such a good movie. It's just the whole world that he built, and it's just like scene after scene, the Schwartz and everything. I mean, it's just a classic.

I love Spaceballs. Not to interrupt you guys, but text line is saying, Vanessa, you should check out The Penguins of Madagascar. That'll be your new funniest movie ever if you watch it. And I bet you it is funny. Allie, we go to, you're up, number two. This is the round of funniest movie ever in the Fantasy Funny Draft. I was having the same dilemma as Omar because I wanted to choose a movie from the same group. Like, you chose a Mel Brooks movie because you find those movies to be incredibly funny, and I agree.

So I'm going to do a Christopher Guest film because that's my favorite. and Best in Show is like my personal favorite but I'm going to go with the overall This is Spinal Tap This is Spinal Tap, Ali says funniest movie ever Just because of what it stands for it's quotable and all of those movies, Waiting for Guffman

Best in Show, all of them amazing Jake? Yeah You're up. Well Borat was at the top of my list but I'm just going for straight, as much as I last during a movie and it's either Borat and since that's taken, Jackass Wow.

Original. Really? Just one of the Jags. I forget which one, but I've laughed my balls off. It's just such a one-trick pony. Well, there's a couple of different tricks they have. It's a couple-trick pony. The new one.

The new one was not as good because they were- Too much dongs for me. A lot of dongs. Not too many for Jake. We come back with another round of the Fantasy Funny Draft, and we'll figure out who's the funniest person on the planet next. We are a radio show that, according to our own producer, doesn't know funny, But we are still doing the Funny Fantasy Draft, and we are entering now the final rounds, but we're going to have to combine them into one.

So next up will be the funniest person on the planet mixed with the funniest inappropriate thing. We know it's inappropriate, but still can be very funny. First up in this final round is Jake the Nerd, who currently has on his draft card in the Fantasy Funny Draft, he believes that the funniest thing ever is watching a grown man get scared and scream, And he believes that the funniest movie ever, according to Jake the Nerd, that is, is, what did you say, Jake? Well, Jackass, because of the war I was taking. Jackass. Yeah, 562 said it.

We've had horrible comedy clips. Well, and people are saying, where's Step Brothers? Where's Dumb and Dumber? Where's Superbad? Those are different. Those are funny. Those are great comedies, but not the funniest movie. Right.

And they're all probably on our list. And I bet you if we all put our 10 lists together, a lot of these would be very similar, and we would agree. And we're trying to go funniest, funniest. Something about Mary. It was tough. That was on my list, too, yeah. All right. Jake, this is it.

Who is, what is the funniest inappropriate thing and the funniest person on the planet? Funniest person is between two people. It's either Robin Williams or One-Armed Gary. Oh, man. That is a real Sophie's Choice right there. Yeah, I'm not sure. When One-Armed Gary came in here with that makeshift,

whatever the hell that absurd thing was, the ass on his arm, and he gave Allie the shot in the butt. I'll tell you, I laughed harder during that. You're going to go with One-Armed Gary? I'm going to take Robin Williams. Damn it. That was my pick.

You're going with one arm versus hairy arms. And you went with hairy arms. Robin Williams. Funniest person on the planet. And what is the funniest inappropriate thing? Oh, when old people swear. When an old guy or old woman swears, it's hilarious because you know they mean that. Yeah, that's a good pick right there.

All right, moving on. Allie? Funniest person on the planet. Funniest inappropriate thing. You can go in either order. I'm frustrated because he took my pick. You were going to take One-Armed Gary, too? No, I was going to take Robin Williams.

I was going to take Robin Williams. But I guess I'm going to go with an old school, very old school. I'm going to go with Lucille Ball. I think she was, like, the funniest ever. Come on. Totally. She was so funny. Come on.

For, like, revolutionized female comedy. That is. I mean, you're going historical funny, maybe. Yeah. One of the funniest women to ever live. She tried to pull that off today. She got three views. Three likes.

Okay. I'm just kidding. What is the funniest inappropriate thing? I'm just going to go with general sexism. I think sexism jokes are hilarious, and I shouldn't think they're funny, and sexism's real, and I understand that that's a big problem, and making inappropriate HR jokes about sexism is just so funny. Like, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, what am I saying, because I'm a woman? Right, right. Pull all that. Great joke, Klein. Thank you. I need to appreciate that. You're like, blah, blah, blah. All right, why don't you go drive into a mailbox and call it a day?

All right, fair enough. Allie says sexism. Can't believe the woman on the show said sexism. I know. I was going to go with racism, but I thought that would be too predictable. DJ Omar Khan. Yeah. I'm nervous to go for you for funniest inappropriate thing, but let's go with that.

Well, the funniest inappropriate thing is, you know, just a standard. I find it funny every single time, and that's just the standard 69 joke. Whenever 69 is brought up, nice, and it's always funny. Yeah, nice. It's very subtle. Yeah. When they talk about, even on the news, they're like, the highs today in the valley are going to be 69. And then there's like a moment where everyone just, it is weird.

It doesn't seem that inappropriate. How would the high be 69 in a valley? Well, it'd have to be in January. Blah, blah, blah. Hilarious. I don't listen to weather ladies, you know. They're just up there flaunting their stuff. That's funny.

And who's the funniest person on the planet, Omar? So this is going to be actually two people. And I think when I bring them up, you're going to agree that they come together as one package. And they've been doing, you know, writing movies and a TV show for a very long time. And that's the creators of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker. I thought you were going to go with Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Kevin Hart. I thought you were going to say Kevin and Bean. I was like, you asshole.

I'm sitting right here. All right. So you're going with. That's a great pick. Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Great pick, Omar. Yeah. Oh, strong pick.

Yeah, huge fan. All right. Well, funniest inappropriate thing, it's AIDS. Ah, well, AIDS is still funny. Because now it's not killing people, so it's back to being funny. Yeah, no, making a good AIDS joke, I feel like, is respectable now. Thank you. So I think that's funny, if done well.

And funniest person would be Tom Hanks from Philadelphia. Oh, that's funny because of AIDS. So boom, you didn't see that coming. But only in that movie. Only in that movie. It's funny. I think Vanessa found him funny in Toy Story. Now, funniest person, sadly no longer with us, Leslie Nielsen.

Oh, wow. Could not not be funny. He was funny just in those movies, though. He was funny in everything. Dracula, Dead and Loving, he was funny in everything. A little bit of that interview he did with the fart machine. That's hilarious. Yeah, he's the best.

He's the funniest guy there ever was and ever will be. No one makes me laugh. If you made videos now, three likes, max. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Funny guy, that Leslie Nielsen. Real funny. I almost went with Mr. Bean. And I always thought Mr. Bean was so funny, too.

I would have accepted that. What's that? Rowan Atkinson? Yeah. What's his name? Yeah. All right, moving on. This is the last picks.

And Vanessa, let's keep this quick because we're behind time now. Funniest person to me right now. Big Bird. No. Marcelo Hernandez. I think he's so funny. From SNL? Yeah.

He makes me laugh. That's his Sebastian Mascato impression. There's a lot of funny Latinos. And everything he says, I'm like, oh, my God, that's hilarious. There's a ton of funny Latinos. What are you talking about? Fluffy's a funny Latino. There's a million funny Latinos.

Well, he's the one that's making me laugh right now. Inappropriate. Britney Spears, too naked all the time when she's dancing. And it's funny. Did you think you had to come up with another person for inappropriate? No, I just find her inappropriate sometimes. So you think she's inappropriately funny? Yep.

Yeah, Britney Spears posts are, I feel bad for thinking they're hilarious, but they are. Can I change? I think that's a good pick. AIDS to abortion? No. Oh, okay. uh finally uh johnny we will uh and you're gonna say paul rudd probably right because you think he's cool but who do you have for funniest person on the planet oh definitely not paul

rudd the funniest man on earth to me is cat williams i think anything that comes out of his mouth williams is so effing funny that's also a good pick for inappropriate oh well actually inappropriate you guys are gonna hate me for this one but you gotta remember i'm younger than you and i see it differently and my whole generation does um 9-11 jokes i think they're really funny when done correctly, especially like Pete Davidson. When are they done correctly? When he does them correctly.

Just by him? Because he was... And the memes online. Like, I know you guys, there's like a serious thing, but when 9-11 happened, I was like two years old, so I understood it from the memes

on Instagram and on Twitter, and they are so funny, like, to laugh at, but it's like dark humor. Right. Well, we'll replay that again in about a week when the trip...

Yeah, good day. Thanks, John. I want you to get your top 10 9-11 jokes ready for 9-11. We will take a break, and when we get back, we've got your news to get to. But more importantly, we're hitting 10 o'clock, which means more festival tickets for you and more Kegger tickets. And they're all coming up on KROQ.

Ali, we have the news to get to, and then a brand new hour of the show will officially begin. And I would assume it will probably be the greatest hour of your life. But first, what's happening in the world? Let's find out together on KROQ. Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. I wanted to start off with a couple of great crimes that occurred over the weekend. These are crimes where you kind of root for the criminal.

And one of them had to do with a Pabst beer heist. The other one is an Amazon fraud scam where two women were frauding Amazon and buying luxury purses and stuff with Amazon's money. But we'll start with the Pabst beer heist. There was a sophisticated cargo theft operation that happened over the weekend where nearly $70,000 worth of beer disappeared from a Southern California distribution center. These were two separate pickups that were within an hour of each other. So this was all a very coordinated attack. It wasn't just some drunk idiots. And they were able to, you know, intercept these shipments, each valued at $45,000, before they were picked up for delivery.

So it's pretty incredible. I don't, I'd like to hope that someone's just sitting there drinking this beer and not trying to turn it around for a profit, but pretty incredible. $45,000 worth of Pabst Blue Ribbon. There's got to be a billion cans. Yeah. That's all the cans. It's so cheap. That's the most of it.

And I think people really just drink it to be funny. No one drinks it because they like Pabst. It was trash for a while. Then it became like kind of hipster cool. Cool trash. And then it was, then you go to like, everyone's talking about a nice restaurant. They'd be like, we have wine and we have Pabst Blue Ribbon. You're like, really?

That's the one you went with? Did I mention Blue Ribbon? But then it became kind of cool again, and now I'm not sure where it falls. Jake, is that one of your drinking beers or no? No, it's not. I drink hams, dude. Oh, Jake's a hams man. Good news.

No hams were stolen this weekend at all. Those cans remain available for purchase. I've never even heard of hams. Jake's got to keep going. Pabst is too popular. Hams. Yeah, exactly. Once a brand gets too cool, Jake can no longer drink it.

So Jake probably was drinking Pabst and it was uncool. Then it became cool, and they were like, Jake's like, I'm off the hams. And then we had these two women that were, you know, fake vendors, essentially, on Amazon. They submitted more than a thousand fake invoices to Amazon to get reimbursed for things that they sold that they never actually sold. That's cool. I know. And then they were able to steal $10 million from Amazon over the course of many years. And they used it to buy luxury homes and cars.

And, of course, eventually this caught up with them. But it kind of makes you feel good stealing from the man. Well, I guess you assume if, I mean, Amazon's a pretty well-run company, they appear to be. I mean, they're able to get us random stuff we want, sometimes as quick as three hours after we decide we want it, which is incredible. But also you would think they make so much money that for them, $10 million missing dollars, maybe they don't even notice it. And it took them a while to figure it out. I feel like that's Bezos going, I lost my wallet. Right.

That's the equivalent of one of us forgetting to get change after buying a sandwich. Just outkeep it. Give it to those hungry kids. But they probably thought for a while, let's say they pull it off the first time and they're getting a couple thousand dollars. Like, hmm, that worked and it's been a few weeks, no one's called, bank's money's still good. At that point, this is the biggest problem most people have when they get caught. They have a good thing going and they just assume, keep it going because we're getting away with it, why stop now? Yeah, it's like taking that little off the top thing at work and you're like, oh, cool, no one noticed, I guess I'll just take a little more, take a little more.

They quit at a mil and maybe just a little bit beneath a million, assuming Amazon maybe doesn't go through and find, you know, $999,000 not worth our time. Do you think one of them was like, Cynthia, we're at $7 million. I feel like we should stop. She's like, why? We're minting money. More McLarens. I mean, it just, at some point, though, that's what always ends up getting people. It's the greed part of it.

We have another flash flood, this time in the Grand Canyon. This is just days after that big flood in Nepal, which now has over 900 people confirmed dead, 90 Americans still missing. and then this flood happens in the Grand Canyon and people are still trapped. One person's died. They've been trying to rescue people and they have to do it through helicopter because deep in the canyon, there are no roads.

There's no Wi-Fi. Donkeys? I thought people ride donkeys. They do. They do, but those take even longer than helicopters. Oh, really? That's a terrible rescue. Don't worry, we can save you, but we need the donkey to walk its way down. It's also the fact that it's so muddy.

Oh, the donkeys probably can't do it. Yeah, a lot of people couldn't hike out because you either have to hike out or you have to get airlifted out or helicoptered out. Omar, you'll love this because this is an Uncle Leslie story, but when my Uncle Leslie was so fat, he went to the Grand Canyon and was planning on riding the donkeys around, and they said to him, you are too fat to ride the donkeys.

They did? Oh, yeah, and he got into a huge fight about what his weight was, and I think they brought out a scale, and he was way over the number even he said because they were like, you're too big for the donkeys, sir. You're not able to do the donkey rides down the canyon. How big was he? Oh, he was enormous.

Was he like Rob the Blob's dad is? I mean, he was north 325, I want to say. And by the way, not tall either, like 5'5", maybe. I mean, he was round. So this is what's going on in the Grand Canyon. The search for more than 20 people after a powerful flash flood tore through the Grand Canyon in Arizona. A dramatic new image is just coming in. People lining up, waiting for a helicopter to take them to safety.

Dozens evacuated. The muddy water mixed with debris rushing through the Grand Canyon. Some describing a wall of water ravaging through their campground. Torrential rain weaving through the canyon, washing away trails, sweeping away bridges. What appears to be a cabin can be seen floating away. That's a bunkhouse there? So somebody's house floated away. And that's pretty bad.

I mean, they're like just little log cabins and things like that. But it's probably going to take months, if not years, to clear away all of this. The worst part is when the helicopter showed up, this is what was going on. If you're single and you plan on going out on a lot of dates, then this Jason report is for you. Just leave us in the canyon, Johnny. We don't want it. Drop me back off. I'd rather drown.

We don't want it. And then finally, the NFL season starts next Wednesday. But because of inflation, things are going to be changing a little bit this year, at least with the habits of people who normally tailgate. They said more and more people this year are going to be home gating. Oh, my God. Instead of traditional tailgating, because it now costs so much to do it all on site and pay for the parking. Not the same. All of that.

Of course it's not the same. You have to be eating a hot dog out of the back of somebody's car to really be getting ready for a football game. But they said more people are just doing these kind of top-tier pre-game parties at their homes or at somebody else's instead of doing it at the game itself. And this is also people that are just going to stay home and watch the game at home rather than even go to the games. Well, listen, this idea I hate less. If you're saying now on the uptick, people are throwing full-blown tailgates in their driveway before going inside to watch the game. That, I kind of like the concept. I can get behind that.

Better than just sitting there and watching the game. Yeah, if you're talking about people who are like, let's meet at Steve's house first, then we'll do the grill, and then we're going to go ahead and Uber over to the game and get off. That's not as much fun as the in-parking lot tailgate. But there are people that do it well, and you need to know that friend that does it well, and they're the ones that are there at 4 in the morning making chili and stuff like that to get ready for the game. It's sad when you notice, because I knew two people like that, and they both stopped doing it. Because it got too expensive or just too annoying? It's like someone with a boat getting rid of their boat. You're like, no!

I also feel bad for the people that are really good at the parking lot tailgate, because a lot of times they are big fans of the team, and they are the ones, the second it gets close to kickoff time, everyone grabs their rib and they run off into the stadium. The person there who set it up is like, I've got to put these coals out. I know, I guess I'll box up this grill now. I'll see you by halftime. I always feel bad for that person. Or they end up just watching the game in the back of their own truck. I know, because we always leave like half an hour before. All right, we get into a brand new hour of the show in moments.

If you need us, we're here for the interaction. It's K-Rock Klein Alley Show. This is the world famous K-Rock. All right, better late than never. Let's get you into it. At the top of every hour, starting at 9 o'clock this morning, heading straight through 5 p.m. this afternoon, you get into festivals happening right here in Southern California.

Earlier this morning, we sent someone to three-day Ohana Fest. Today, at this exact hour, we get you into Ohana. Excuse me, Ocean Way. Oh, that's a good one right there. Killers, Jack White, Sublime, and more happening in Santa Monica. This is an inaugural festival, which means first year they're doing it. And you will be there in the audience if you are the 20th caller right now at 800-520-1067. That means in 20 years when it's all influencers and A-listers, you're like, I was the first one there.

Right, all those people that talk about, I was the first Coachella. Yeah, exactly. It was just about the bands, man. There was no Ferris wheel. The music, man. Yeah, and there's going to be no Ferris wheel in Santa Monica. Oh, wait, there is one. Well, regardless, it was always been there.

So we'll get you there right now if you're the 20th caller, 800-520-1067. And then we have lots to get to this hour on the show, including endless summer kegger. If you have been paying attention to today's show Got some quiz questions to prove you've actually been listening And we are running out of time And people are getting desperate, Allie There's a lot of people that are demanding access To the endless summer kegger

Also known as the clam slam And calling the goat line is great and all But we've got to do fair's fair And we will get you in You've just got to listen and be ready to call later this hour Once you get there, you can say I was there before all the A-listers and the influencers Took it over and made it not cool

And if we do it in 20 years There will still be no A-listers or influencers, but it will still be a good opportunity for us to get together and hang out. And listen, I get it. I would love to do my first keg stand with you guys. That means I only have like a couple of days to get my upper body strength going. But kind of now I show you guys freaking rock and hope you guys do this forever or something better, actually. But yeah, you guys are awesome. You got to start doing your upper body pushups now just on the off chance that you keg stand with us at the kegger.

So it's one of many events we have planned for you on Thursday of this week. It's funny because there are several people I've reached out to, people who have never done a keg stand before, and people who were really good at it back in the day that would like to show off their ability to still properly do a keg stand. One guy claimed that he can polish off a keg with three keg stands. One guy. Jake, that would kill a man, right? That's impossible. Jake says impossible.

There's a whole, like an actual keg keg and that, like some tiny pony keg thing? There's no way. I bet somebody like Joey Chestnut could do it. No. Yeah, I bet the Bud Light Bros could do it together, side by side. I don't think anybody could do a handstand. That's true. That's a good point.

I'm not carrying them. Not it. It's the keg part's no problem. It's the stand part that'll get to them. All right, well, Johnny said not it, so Vanessa has to do it. Hey, Patrick in Long Beach, California, good morning. Good morning. You are...

Sweet dip. Sweet dip's to you, good sir. Your 20th caller, which means Oceanway, is in your future. Congratulations. Oh, my God, that's so awesome. All you had to do was listen and call, and you made it through. And just like that now, you get to go ahead and brag to your friends and family that you are a big, fat winner.

Congratulations. Hold on one second. I'm so fat. You are fat. Good. Thank you for saying that. That's Patrick. Do a kickstand with us.

Join the party. We will enjoy that. More show coming up all hour long right here on KROQ. I just want to congratulate Fat Alley. You know, it was a dream of ours. They say many years ago, if you build it, they will come. And our goal when Allie decided to start taking health seriously and signing up for marathons and all that crap. Not marathons, but 10Ks.

Well, whatever, 5Ks and 10Ks. Little ones. We all said behind the scenes, we've got to figure out a way to get fat Allie back. And sure, it took a few attempts at pregnancy to make that happen, but this weekend. Oh, it was my fattest weekend ever. And having a fat weekend is something that I think needs to be celebrated. I know some people will say, oh, Sunday's my cheat day, and I eat whatever I want on Sunday. But looking back and going, I did some damage this weekend, it's a great feeling.

I mean, yes, if you're trying to make gains and progress, it sucks when you go out there. Oh, I'm making gains. Oh, Allie's making all the right gains. Listen to this weekend she had. If anyone can top this, we'd love to hear from you. This was this weekend alone. And once again, Allie is growing a life inside of her now. So it's just like, I think there's two reasons you're allowed to get super fat, no questions asked.

Pregnant woman or you're an actor who's bulking up for a role like in The Whale. And that's not me. And that's not you. So in this particular case, when you get pregnant, or maybe you're in some sort of like a competitive tug-of-war team or something. Yeah, yeah. Well, I started the day, let's see, Saturday I started the day with pancakes, like chocolate chip pancakes that I made. That was the start of Saturday. That was the start of Saturday.

What about nothing Friday? Oh, God. We ordered food on Friday. I can't even remember in my fat calendar what I ate on Friday night. Thursday after the show, there was the luncheon here. Did you bother? Yeah, ate a lot of that. You did?

Mm-hmm. Well, because I left the meeting and had a burger during the meeting. Yeah, oh, that's right. And then I came back and filled my plate with more burgers and wings. Okay, this is great. So we're in the middle of this meeting. They're showing us boring graphs and blah, blah, blah. We have no money, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. Allie leaves during the meeting, and like a squirrel puts two mini cheeseburgers in both of her cheeks. They were those little sliders. They weren't that little. They're like smaller than White Castle. She comes back into the meeting with her cheeks puffed out with two, couldn't even wait for the meeting to end

10 minutes, so you started... I was starving. Right. Understandable. You cheated the line? And then afterwards, I knew I was right. I did a shortcut. Oh, this was the best. I was the first person in line. Yeah, so there's probably 500, I don't know, how many people, 300 people in that meeting? 200? I can't believe that many people have moved here. Yeah, probably 150. After

Allie pulls the chipmunk move where she shoves the two cheeseburgers in her cheeks, she then positions herself in a way where as soon as they say, all right, meeting over, now everyone go for lunch, she had herself at a different door so she was the first person in the whole line. Yeah, it was great. I don't want to wait in the food line.

Which was also... And I'm pregnant. I shouldn't have to. Right. Also remarkable to watch. And that was like football-themed food. So it was like sliders, wings, all that stuff. I had jalapeno poppers.

So now I remember Friday night, I went out to happy hour with my kid, got one of those giant Bavarian pretzels. I got a... Did you share it or was that just for you? It was quote shared, yeah. But only I could eat the beer cheese. I hate pretzels, Mommy.

We're sharing it. Does the host share mean not share? I got, yeah, no, I shared it with him. He loves those things, but I was the only one dipping into the beer cheese. And then I got tacos. He got a grilled cheese and french fries, which he didn't eat, so I ate that too. That's just Friday now. That was just Friday.

Then Saturday, did the pancakes, and then I can't remember what I did for lunch, but we went and saw that new Paw Patrol movie, so I had to have the popcorn and M&M's combo during the movie. Great combo. Great combo. And I even planned ahead, got the M&M's at CVS so that I wouldn't get charged $9 for M&M's. So we polished me and my kid down a whole large bucket of popcorn. I think that should be your main vessel for eating moving forward.

I thought maybe that would make me full. But then a couple hours later, we decided that we should go for pizza. So we had two-dose pizza. Oh, my God. I got the pizza. Did you go deep dish or thin? We did both. Oh, both.

Well, I was with somebody else. You did both. Well, he got a cheese pizza because he got a regular cheese pizza, and then we got the deep dish sweet and spicy pep. I'm so jealous. And we got the chopped salad, that really good chopped Italian salad. Mostly meat. You know, it's funny because I think about, as you're talking about your fat pregnant

weekend, that to me was a standard. Right now, you're just hitting just- Yeah, you used to eat like this daily. Just a regular weekend. That's a regular day. And then after that, because it's only two doors down, there's a great gelato place. So we went and got that. Oh, well, where's the dump truck?

And I actually didn't even order the ice cream. I only got it for my kid, and then my friend and her kid got it, too. So I polished off all of theirs because they couldn't finish. Oh, so you ate all of the leftover ice cream, too. I didn't get myself an ice cream. I ate... All the leavings. I don't want to get one ice cream.

Instead, I'll finish nine other people's ice creams. I was like, this is lemon flavored. This is strawberry rose. Let me taste. Let me do this. So this puts us through Saturday. Mm-hmm. And then what was next?

Sunday was the Costco shop, so we had crab macaroni and cheese for lunch. Did you go sample crazy there, too? or no oh yeah we had a nice brunch nice brunch and i had uh they had chicken nugget samples there they had quesadilla samples i believe they even had cake they had cake samples i don't think that was a sample samples oh look at this look at this cake sample i'll just open it up some kids like that's supposed to be my cake lady it's funny because i would even go i would grab two because i was with my kid and then i'd be like do you want this and he'd be like no and i'd be like great wow this is exciting so we had the craft macaroni and cheese box and again he doesn't eat much so i

and then i made dinner like two hours later so if you are a current uh proud recipient of a make alley fadigan hat congratulations we've succeeded and i've been told donuts are here so i will be oh yeah megan holiday felt bad about showing up here empty-handed last week so she did send us a giant box of donuts from trejo's which i'm now ready for vanessa you can bring those so uh if you Bring those in. Don't put your hands too close to Allie's mouth when you feed her, though. She's very hungry. I bite.

She stays. From Allie's feast to Ohana Fest, this is what you could be winning later today. And when we come back, we will ask you if you've been paying attention to call us and be a part of the Klein Allie show quiz to get you into the endless summer kegger. Thank you. Which one should I do? Why choose? The donuts are being presented to Allie.

Is that what you would call sample size, Allie, or is that a dozen donuts? These are samples. Would you like a sample? One of each. Those are huge donuts. Good God. Allie is back, baby, the way we like her. Quick break.

More show up in a minute. Waiting for the last possible second to win yourself access to the endless summer kegger that we're going to be having down in Newport Beach on Thursday with Slightly Stupid and tons of games, including Jack Black Tables, according to Vanessa. I recommend you call now or you're already on the phones at 800-520-1067, and you've been paying attention to today's show. We will be giving away tickets all week long, like we've been doing for these festivals, But if you want an extra chance to win your way in, here's the easiest way.

Just listen to the entire show, everything we say. Take notes and be able to call us up and then get through and answer some questions. Three in a row right, that is. And if you get those right, you're as good as in. No hoops, no needed. Just like that, Allie. Easy. Easy peasy.

And I know a lot of you want to just dial it in, phone it in literally, and just be caller 20. I understand that that's the easy thing to do, but you have to reward people for paying attention. So these are all questions. The answers will only be known if you're listening and are watching today's show on YouTube. It's time now for the Klein Alley Show Quiz. The Klein Alley Show Quiz. Yeah, that's funny. Tee-tee, caca.

I don't have fleas, I have ants. Chris Greger likes Walmart. You never call. Ozzy! I'm with you, Hitler. Bitch, I call. Voila! Those were all out-of-context clips from a show, not today's show,

but you should probably know that if you've been listening. So let's go ahead and say hi. Full phones of KROQ, people that claim they've been listening, but as we've learned, Allie, some people can get two right. To get three in a row right is difficult, especially because these questions come from every hour of the show. Tim in Huntington Beach, good morning. Hey, what's up?

When did you start listening today? Like 6.30-ish. Did you take notes or did you just keep everything in your brain? Yeah, my small brain. I'm working, so I'm trying to do two at the same time. All right, well, good luck, man. You got to get three in a row right. We gave away an autographed guitar signed by the band Weezer earlier today.

What body part was rubbed upon that guitar? That would be Allie's vagina. That might be. Great guess, when in doubt. To the winner of that guitar, we're sorry. But yes, the correct answer is Allie did rub her genitals. And boobies. Oh, you did?

I went up and down. Well, this guy said vagina, and I will accept that answer, sir. Congratulations. You are off to a great start. Congratulations. to everyone but that winner yeah yeah if you did not get a guitar rubbed on by alice janethals congratulations to you you're the real winner and apologies weezer and thank you for doing that for us i'm sure that when rivers was in harvard studying he goes one day i want to have a guitar

that i signed a pregnant lesbian's body that is the right answer and you're off to a good start and that happened at eight o'clock or something this morning so you've been at least listening for a few hours we'll give you credit on that question number two i have to get three in a row right and we move to someone else. Question number two. What movie does Vanessa think is the funniest movie of all times?

Monsters, Inc. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't hear it myself, but Vanessa believes in the thousands, tens of thousands of comedies that have been written and made that she thinks there's not a funnier movie out there than Monsters, Inc.

I need everyone to watch it tonight. Just get a refresher. You'll laugh-die. That is a correct... You'll laugh-die? You'll die laughing. I want to laugh-die. I want to laugh-die.

Die laughing. That is a correct answer, and you've gotten two right, which means now you're on the cusp of greatness, Tim. If you get the stir bone right, you're coming to the endless summer kegger. If you're wrong, we pick up with someone else. This is your next question. Question number three. This is tough. This is a hard one.

What stupid invention that our show came up with is now being made and sold for $57? Bib for, like, marriage or wedding gown and all that stuff. So, yeah, the bib. I have 57. You're saying an adult bib? Bibs for adults? Yeah.

That is the correct answer. Tim, you've done it. three in a row. It's not easy. You've earned it. Well done, sir. You couldn't have possibly known that if you didn't listen to today's show. Minus that weird celebration a moment ago. Congratulations on all things. You will be at the Endless Summer of Kegger. We're slightly stupid. We can't

wait to hang out and have some drinks with you. And we will be doing that on Thursday this week. So plan accordingly, and we'll see you there. All right. Sweet dibs, guys. For everyone else, sweet dibs. Everyone else who couldn't get through, don't worry about it. We have more of those tickets for you coming up later. In fact, Vanessa, did we give away five pairs today

or four? So far, we've given away two. So this is our third one. Oh, okay. Well, then you're going to probably hear Vanessa yell kegs at some point before we even get out of here. So I recommend you keep listening. More access coming up on KROQ. Hey, I really want to win the biggest slightly stupid.

Woo! I hope you're on the phone right now, then, because there are a lot of people here that also want to join us. And we've been giving them away and blowing them out all week until that show happens on Thursday. And we say good morning to our 20th caller, which puts us on someone in Downey, California. Hi, good morning. Who's this? Hi, this is Ida. Ida, you are the 20th caller.

Oh, my God, yes. Thank you so much. I've been trying for a long time. And I actually met you guys when you guys did the plunge in Big Bear. Oh, wow. You got to see me in my underwear jumping the freezing lake? Yes, I saw you and I got videos of you and took pictures with you. an alley commented on my plugs

because I have some white, like, cool plugs. So I'm really excited, really big fan of your guys' show. Oh, thank you, and thank you for continuing to support us even after seeing me in my underwear. Yeah. Can I bring my husband, too, because he's also a listener. Is he a lame-o? Yes or

no? Is he a lame-o? No, he's awesome. He's in a band. He used to play, he plays the drums. He was a drummer for Happy Drum Cartel, so yeah. Okay. If you don't tell any more stories about your husband's band, you can come and bring him. No, I need a shirt. He's awesome.

Okay. All right. Jake's a big fan. Hold on one second. Can't wait to see you again. Thanks for continuing to support the show. And a poster. I like that.

I met her two years ago, jumping in that freezing cold lake. She's still slogging along. Still slogging. Appreciate the slog. Maybe you'll leave with one of the first ever slogger shirts that will be given out at this little shindig we're doing on Thursday. Takeaways from today's show, and then we'll get out of here. Sluggo will be in.

He's got more access for you. Keep in mind, every hour. you may not care about us at all and don't want to go to our show and that's fine. I know you probably do want to go to one of the many festivals that's happening here in Southern California and they include not only the one, the Ocean Way that's happening in Santa Monica but also

it's been happening for years and years and years and we will get you into Ohana Fest as well. Every other hour back and forth all day long cooling you off at the coolest festivals on the beaches in Southern California and you'll have another chance to win coming up again at about 11am sharp with Sluggo. Alright, takeaways from today's show. What do we got? 818

My takeaway is Klein's marriage is a toxic phrase. Yeah, it's toxic phrase and toxic phase. And those are tough words to say, which is why I had trouble getting them out today. 213, my takeaway is Allie loves the Saudis. She does. She admitted it. We have audio for saying it. 213, Jake likes the hams.

Monsters, Inc. is hilarious. 714, can I change AIDS to abortion? Too late. I was told too late. It was too late. 9-2-5, my takeaway is everyone knows that at every baseball game, a guy's junk flies out of his pants when he's trying to catch a foul ball. I mean, you say the stupidest things on the show by far. That was a bad example.

That was the stupidest of the stupid things you've said. It's never happened. If someone looked it up, they said in the history of baseball, no one's junk has ever fallen out while trying to catch a foul ball. I'm just picturing it in my mind. Now, if it had been a guy drops beer trying to catch a foul ball or drops baby, that's funny. Accidental nudity is funny. And 9-0-9, my takeaway is win a chance to play with Jack Black's tables. That's right.

We've got all these old tables that Jack Black used to own. It's going to be a great time. What's your takeaway from today's show, Postmaster Johnny? Nurses are some hoes. That's right. I mean, you said that. Why'd the music stop? Why'd the music stop?

Wait. Johnny, you're the one who made it. You said that. You can't do a takeaway over something you said. Yeah, I like what I said. You're doubling down on something you said that none of us agreed with. I like what I said. I was going to say firefighters are for the streets, but nah.

The nurses won't. I was going to say firefighters are hoes, but I'm going with nurses are hoes. Nurses comes from the chest. Vanessa, you got a takeaway from today's show? Yes, the meat slicer guy has a sexy job, according to Clay. Sure does. It's the sexiest job. Slicing that meat all day?

Man. Allie, takeaway? My takeaway is the B in FBI stands for bestiality. God damn it. Jake, you're up. Go, quick. There's some hoes. That's hilarious.

That's funny, Jake. So true. You have a takeaway, Omar? You're hot if you know how to handle a beaker. All right. That is well said. I'll do it again tomorrow. If you don't know what we're talking about, check out the complete show available wherever

you get your podcasts. You can search Klein Halley Show. You can search K-Rock. We're all over the place, so find us there, and thank you for the support. If you need us in the meantime, use the GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT. We'll check messages throughout the day today and then ridicule them tomorrow, and we'll We'll be back with more access to your endless summer kegger. Until then, that's it.

Bye. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Wow. Climbing Alley, it's just okay. Just okay. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Well, that's all we got for you.

We know you were hoping it would be better. Trust me when I say we were too. But for those of you with learning differences, this episode comes with a visual aid. in the form of a live stream on YouTube. That's right. You can see the show you just listened to with a bunch of more weird, awkward moments

where there's music and commercials playing and Allie and I are just sitting there picking at our faces. Yeah, so if you go to KROQ's YouTube, you can watch it live or you can watch it after the fact. And as always, you can catch us on Instagram at KleinAllieShow and on TikTok as well.

And there's a live show, by the way, on the radio. Okay, volleyball!